>13 years old
>Mom occasionally organizes these meet ups with her friends, and they all bring their kids along.
>Other kids are okay, but there's one problem.
>One of them is a 21 year old power-downie that looks about 11.
>Don't have the heart to be mean to her like the other kids.
>Apparently she has a crush on me.
>What the fuck.
>Beach Day.
>Cross fingers in hope that they don't bring the damn retard.
>They totally do.
>Fuck.
>Go swimming.
>She goes after me in the water and starts groping and hugging me.
>I start gagging as I feel every single one of her alarmingly numerous yet small fat folds starting to rub violently all over my supple teenage torso.
>I LUV MAI HUBBIE
>Please let me drown right now.
>Swim as fast as I can to where I know she can't stand.
>She still goes after me.
>Starts drowning and screaming.
>OOOOOOOOOHH! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHH!
>No one is doing anything.
>Grab her and just start swimming to the coast as fast as I can.
>Feel everything.
>Throw up a bit.
>As soon as I get to land, I just drop her on the sand and start running.
>why don't normal girls like me

We need a happy thread on this board.

>Go to a party and get drunk to the point where I don't know what's going on and accidentally sleep with another guy
>Cheated on boyfriend is also my best friend and I love him to death, it was a huge mistake I started crying and regretted it the second I woke up
>Tell boyfriend right after that I cheated on him
>He asks with who and I tell him what happened and ask if he's mad
>He says "yep"
>Ask if he can forgive me
>He says "nope", pours himself a drink and goes upstairs in his room and locks it.
>Week later I call him and ask if he's still mad
>He doesn't say anything
>Tell him that I miss him so much and even if we can't be BF/GF he's still my best friend and I want to spend time with him
>He says "okay, tell me where and when"

Where should I take him and what should I say!? I was thinking about the restaurant where we went on our first date but I don't think he wants to get back with me and that would imply that's what I'm trying to do. I've told him I'm sorry a million times, he hasn't forgiven me but doesn't hate me either if he's willing to go out with me. I just want him in my life, in one way or another.

inb4: bitch, whore, bitches and whores, skank, kill yourself, misogyny or some incoherent friendzone bullshit.

>fat girl from my college totally infatuated with me
>always talks to me on instant messengers constantly
>always talks about how shes into me and that she feels bad that we'll never be together
>haven't had a fuck in a solid 3 months
>starting to consider fucking this hambeast just to sate my penis
>ask her what she's doing during one of her late night IM messages
>she says shes eating pizza and crackers while thinking of me
>shudder at the thought, the mind says no but the body is willing
>drive over to her flat at 2 in the morning
>she her literally lying in a groove in her bed covered in crumbs, also notice a pizza box (or 2?) in the corner of the room, looked like it had been licked clean and she was chewing on the cardboard
>"i never asked for this..."
>swallow my pride and start trying to hook up with her
>start undressing her, she is squeeling like a fat pig that she literally resembles
>she is ridiculously wet between her legs, but unsure if its just sweat or what
>pull down her underwear and begin to go down on her in the dark
>something scratchs against my face
>pull out my mobile phone to shine some light onto what it is
>it's an acual pizza crust that was wedged between her leg and her cunt in a roll of fat
>it's soggy as shit from either the pussy juice or the sweat
>mfw I realise where my life has led me

Okay /adv/ here's what happened. I have for many years occasionally enjoyed anal play while masturbating, Stimulating the prostate and whatnot.
So earlier this morning I decide it's time for a little wank, so I start beating my dick. However as I continued, I realized that I needed to take the next step. I looked around my apartment for a while for something that I could use to help with stimulating myself. After no success of finding something safe and easily cleanable I decide to use my two mediation balls that I had laying around. I used enough lube on both of them, and they slid in without much trouble. So after finishing up I tried pushing them out, however I think they are now stuck up there. Worst part is, they have little bells inside of them, so whenever I walk all I hear is them clinging and clanging. What would be the easiest way to get them out, besides going to a doctor (which is the only option should all else fail) Please help /adv/. Pic Related it's whats up my ass

ITT: Men post the little things that girls do that make them "d'aaaaaw" and vice versa

>Walking out of library after 2 hours of programming
>Not paying attention/Spacing out
>Cute girl passes by me with her friends
> "I like your hat"
> I didn't notice...
> Repeats: "I like your hat!"
> Still not clicking she's trying to grab my attention
> When it does click, she's over 100 feet away
> Mfw a random cute girl actually compliments me and I miss it

Anyone else have any random derp missed moments/opportunities to share this week?

Bring the rage /adv/.

Why do fat girls think they are owed the world?
also stories about fat girls, dating/sexing/bitch stories/ anything relevant.

I once fucked a fat chick, she literally swallowed the condom while giving me head and then got pissed when I wouldn't put it in her because we had no condoms.

the unthinkable just happened

I was watching movie on my PC when suddenly I felt urge to let one go, so I just lifted my butt a little and thought I'd let it rip

unfortunately instead of the comfortable regular warm fart, shit hit the fan... or rather first my boxers and then the chair

so I shat myself, nothing new here my diet is horrible and often after long night of drinking I wake up still drunk and having soiled myself; that's not the problem, but the chair

how do I get shit stains off a regular PC arm chair? any help would be appreciated, not just shit also cum stains; might aswell get rid of those in the same go