I have a decent amount. Males and females stories welcome. I'm happily engaged but my girl does some pretty off the deep end things and prior to her I've had even crazier relationships. Anyway:

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>Date girl because she seems nice
>Date goes well and I enjoy myself but I'm not extremely attracted to her
>Kiss her on the cheek to end the night
>Wanna go out again?
>"Not really K, maybe another time"
>She gets more ambitious
>Starts sending me texts with emo quotes and shit
>I take her out to the local fair... park... thing
>Realize despite her insanity she cares for me and I may like her
>We're in a relationship
>She's my new shadow
>No female friends, she's one of the guys
>I'm in love but I'm tired of her ways
>Try to break up with her
>hfw
>Six years later we're fucking engaged
>Why the fuck is it like this man?

So about five years ago, my older sister moved out with her now husband and I got the job of helping her move all her shit into the back of a van to take it to their new place.

I picked up an old photo album out of the back of her closet and the second my sister saw this thing in my hands she started acting weird and tried to snatch it away from me. I looked inside and it's just a bunch of baby photos. Whatever.

Fast forward today - well, yesterday, and I find a bunch of negatives in dad's drawer where she keeps the tax and insurance docs. I held them up to the light and whaddya know, it's the baby photos my sister wouldn't let me see.

I scan them and invert the colors and my sister's freak-out is slowly explained: There's a picture of a girl lying in her bed, in her room, holding a suckling infant. The girl is obviously my sister, but who's the baby? Is it... me? My sister was 14 when I was born.

Who do I confront first on this? My sister or my parents? Because they all obviously know the truth.

Pic related, mfw I realised my sister is probably my mother

/adv/ is it ok to rape someone if it's in self defense?

my court hearing is in a couple weeks...

OKAY YOU FUCKING FAGGOTS I'M TIRED OF THIS SHIT
EVERY TIME I COME TO THIS BOARD I SEE NOTHING BUT FUCKING THREAD ABOUT GIRLS. GIRLS. HOW DOES I GET GURLZ? I'M NOT CONFIDENT I'M AFRAID OF REJECTION HURP DURP!
WELL THEN FUCKING FAGGOTS THIS SHIT IS GOING TO CHANGE. I ASSUME MOST OF YOU HAVE FACEBOOK. IF YOU DON'T, DO THIS SHIT WITH YOUR CELLPHONE OR SOME OTHER SHIT.
RIGHT NOW, YOU FUCKING PICK A GIRL FROM YOUR FRIEND LIST THAT YOU FIND REMOTELY ATTRACTIVE. GOT IT, GODDAMN?
WELL YEAH NOW YOU HIT UP DAT SHIT. YOU HEARD ME. YOU FUCKING ASK HER IF SHE WANTS TO GRAB A COFFEE WITH YOU SOMETIME OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT.
NOT "IN FIVE MINUTES" OR SHIT LIKE THAT. YOU DO IT. YOU FUCKING COCKMONGLER. YOU HOLD YOURSELF BACK JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU HAVE NO CHANCE WITH GIRLS? GODDAMN THERE IS SO MUCH POTENTIAL IN EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU JUST BECAUSE OF THE FACT THAT YOU ARE MALE AND YET YOU ARE WASTING IT
DON'T LET ME DOWN, AND FUCKING DO THIS SHIT. YOU FUCKING DO IT RIGHT NOW.
AND IF YOU ALREADY HAVE A GIRLFRIEND OR OTHER SHIT I DON'T CARE ABOUT, DON'T FUCKING COME IN HERE, THIS THREAD IS NOT YOUR PLACE TO BRAG AND SHIT.
AND INB4 >USING FACEBOOK TO GET GIRLS
YOU GOTTA UNDERSTAND THAT MOST OF YOU HAVE A MENTAL BLOCK THAT PREVENTS THEM FROM DOING EVEN THE MOST BASIC SHIT REGARDING GIRLS, SO WE GOTTA START WITH THE BASICS.
FUCKING GET IT ON, IDIOT.

>date a girl for three years
>she is in a house fire, her face is scarred beyond recognition
>after a month, she breaks up with me for another face burn victim

I would laugh if I could. This is fucking ridiculous.

What is the best and/or quickest way to get a goat out of someones house?

Hey guys, this is gonna sound kinda weird...

anyway, I drink a lot of milk. I carry a milk carton with me just about wherever I go, doesn't matter if it gets warm, I just fucking love the taste, right? I'll generally have a few litres a day. And a result of this is... um, a milk fetish - yes I know how that sounds.

I told my girlfriend this via fb a few minutes ago, and she thinks I'm joking. Is there... some sort of way I can break it to her that I'm actually dead serious about this? I would actually really get off on just pouring milk all over her naked body, and hearing her moan as the dairy trickles down her breasts onto her stomach... oh god, should probably stop typing that. :/ Anyway, we joke around a LOT in our relationship (we make a lot of awkward jokes, or ridiculous jokes, etc) and we're very good at having those joking conversations in a dead serious manner, but we both know the other is really joking

How do I get her to know that I actually am NOT joking about my milk fetish, and I want her covered in full cream milk? I don't think she believes me

pic related, part of my porn stash (i have a rape fetish too, but I know she'd never go for anything like that, so I won't mention it :/ )

>Be 16
>In art class
>Teacher is having a discussion with student at table next to mine
>Student says he smokes cigars not cigarettes
>Teacher says he shouldn't smoke at all
>I say "Tobacco is whacko."
>Teacher looks at me like I just slapped him with my penis.
>"Get out of my class."
>mfw he was serious and I spent forty minutes in the hall.

So /adv/ this is my first time on this board.
Anyways, I kinda need advice on this girl. She's very pretty, a year than me, and pretty cool. I haven't really spent much time with her, but I'm pretty sure she likes me. We're supposed to hang out again soon, probably alone. Virginfag here, so this would normally be fucking awesome, but there's one problem; she has a boyfriend.
Wat do?
Pic semi-related.

Okay this might be a bit long but hopefully my situation is unique enough to warrant someone actually reading it and responding, I'll green text what I can but it might take more than one post so bear with me.

>Started Dating this girl in high school, pretty, outgoing, first love. From a small town basically the middle of shitsville.
>Fell hard for her, would have done anything she asked
>She cheats on me after dating for 2 months, find out decide to stay with her, she claims it was an accident
>Does it again 3 months later, turns out she's been cheating on me the whole time, haha jokes on me.
>Was a typical beta loser so Okay.jpg
>Worse part of it was she lied to all of her friends and anyone who would listen, blamed the whole break up on me and how I was a horrible asshole, since I was shy I didn't really have many friends to defend me or explain myself to.
>End up dateless all through high school because of it, go to prom alone, leave half way through because I am having a shit time.
>That summer work out, learn to dress, take care of myself.
>Still don't get girlfriend til sophomore year of college last year.
>Don't really think of her, see her on Facebook sometimes. Usually she is participating in some skanky behavior, pictures of her shitfaced, half dressed or hugged up on some bro. So basically nothing has changed.
>She starts to talk about how she is feeling sick in her posts, barely notice it at first, then lol figuring she got herself pregnant.
>Turns out she has to be hospitalized. Both of her parents, or at least her Father, she had a stepmom that raised her from 3 or so, had some sort of kidney disease.

Continued