/ck/ - Food & Cooking » Thread #3704551

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Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 18:02:25 No.3704551 View View Reply Original Report

ITT: stories about people derping with food. I'll start.

>Working at restaurant
>guy walks in for breakfast buffet
>points at french toast
>"What's that?"
>"That is french toast, sir"
>What's the difference between that and normal toast
>mfw I have to explain what french toast is

!ddB8dxMZ/s

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!ddB8dxMZ/s Fri 29 Jun 2012 18:14:24 No.3704566 Report

Quoted By: >>3704660

Outside of trendy foods/white culture, french toast isn't that much of a household term for city kids.

"French" doesn't really explain shit, they have no reason to have to figure it out themselves.

here's my contribution:
>travelling with gf
>at train station, go to catch quick cheap snack
>bananas
>she asks me for a knife, refuses to eat it straight
>fine, here's a cutting thing
>also refuses to eat the ends
>mfw

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 19:37:57 No.3704660 Report

Quoted By:

>>3704566

The dude was like 34, I find it hard to believe a 30-something year old in Canada hasn't heard of french toast. If he was like 14 I wouldn't have thought anything of it, lol.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 19:44:31 No.3704675 Report

Quoted By:

>>3704551
So what the fuck is french toast then?

Hip-Hobo !eMxtJ2W7YQ

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Hip-Hobo !eMxtJ2W7YQ Fri 29 Jun 2012 19:51:14 No.3704691 Report

Quoted By: >>3704729 >>3704732

I did something incredibly retarded 2 days ago when making burgers:
>heat up pan
>put oil in it
>literally throw the patty in the pan
>oil all over arms

I had to sleep with ice-bags covering both of my arms. Or well. I could sleep for like 5 minutes at a time before waking up in pain. now my arms are full of blisters.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 19:58:15 No.3704719 Report

Quoted By: >>3704751 >>3705088 >>3707104

>what's argulula [sic]?
>what's mandarian [sic] (pronounced man-DARE-ian)?
>Is it the bacon that makes it New England clam chowder?
>I'll take it medium rare, just a little bit pink in the middle
>this isn't a vodka collins (she proceeded to make me make the damn thing over and over with no specific instructions until I finally figured out that she wanted an ounce of vodka, ~4oz of sweet+sour mix, and a splash of orange juice. This one still puzzles me)
>thinking Duvel is pronounced "doo-VELLE"
>thinking Lambic is pronounced "lom-BEEK"
>well done filet mignon (still have no idea why people insist on eating the most expensive, smallest steak that will taste the worst cooked how they want it)
>can I get some more sauce for my risotto?
>there's spider eggs in my creme brulee
>aren't you supposed to shake a martini?

it doesn't take long in this industry to amass quite a few stories

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 20:03:47 No.3704729 Report

Quoted By: >>3704733

>>3704691

Lol, pwnt. I got a similar story:

>be 16
>first time making bacon. rhyming w00t.
>put oil until pan is half full
>thatshoulddo.jpeg
>let pan heat up
>taking forever, fuck it, crank to highest setting
>leave for 10 minutes
>come back
>hot oil, hot oil everywhere
>paper towel near stove catches fire, falls into puddle of hot oil
>oh my sweet fuck
>fill bucket with water, throw as hot oil fueled flames
>oil and fires spreads more
>why
>why
>why
>call 911
>fire fighters show up an contain fire before kitchen gets owned
> mfw nothing damaged, no one injured

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 20:07:03 No.3704732 Report

Quoted By: >>3704742 >>3704840

>>3704691
I've got a couple stories from an old cooking instructor of mine, but thankfully none myself, and the first one is relevant to this.

>Be closing
>Him and another line cook were chilling, just turned everything off, including deep fryers
>His buddy leans up against the counter, slips in grease (this was before they'd wiped everything down)
>Arm lands in deep fryer
>looks like a pork rind all the way up to the elbow

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 20:07:04 No.3704733 Report

Quoted By: >>3704837

>>3704729
>nothing damaged
had me going until that

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 20:09:32 No.3704738 Report

Quoted By: >>3704748 >>3705486

>fryin a fried turkey in the turkey frier
>clearly brilliant friend goes to retrieve said turkey
>with a tablespoon
>predictability ensues
>call 911, get to use the phrase "fully submersed in hot oil to the wrist"

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 20:10:07 No.3704742 Report

Quoted By: >>3704759 >>3704762

>>3704732
Next story

>Pitting an avacado
>Uses method of hlding in hand, slamming knife into pit, twisting it out
>He applies way too much force wtih a freshly sharpened knife, slices through the pit, through the rest of the avacado, into his hand
>I want to call BS on this one but knowing how stupid my instructor could be sometimes...

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 20:13:04 No.3704748 Report

Quoted By:

>>3704738
same brilliant friend, but at work this time
>leaves pan of melted butter practically right over a burner on the range
>burners all being used for sautees, whole area is hot as all fuckchrist
>reaches for butter brush to butter a burger roll or something
>I know nothing of this until he walks out to the bar to calmly tell me he needs medical attention... to remove the plastic brush he has melted around his first two fingers

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 20:13:52 No.3704751 Report

Quoted By: >>3704763

>>3704719
>>thinking Duvel is pronounced "doo-VELLE"
how do you pronounce it?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 20:14:03 No.3704752 Report

Quoted By:

>Attempt to cook bacon
>die

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 20:16:09 No.3704759 Report

Quoted By: >>3704765

>>3704742
family friend of mine heads the local culinary school, and had a story almost exactly like that
>teaching how to pit avocados
>starts them off with a spoon
>one kid thinks he's on top chef, grabs a chef's knife
>clearly wasn't paying TOO close of attention to top chef
>uses the point instead of the blade
>glances off the pit, goes all the way through his hand

whatthefuckdidyouexpect.jpeg

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 20:17:16 No.3704762 Report

Quoted By: >>3704771 >>3705110

>>3704742
Last one

>Working at snooty french place
>like, the kind of snooty french where they'll sell shit caviar to the people they think a) don't deserve it or b) won't know the difference (first timers)
>They keep each kind of caviar in two separate minifridges inside the kitchen
>Closing time, my instructor goes in for a snack
>Predictability ensues when he goes for the cheap as shit caviar and grabs the expensive shit instead
>hfw he eats $1,100+ worth of caviar in one sitting

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 20:18:12 No.3704763 Report

Quoted By: >>3704779 >>3704844 >>3705452 >>3706829

>>3704751
"DOO-full"
it's not a big deal, just a pet peeve of mine when people try to over-fancify things by making them sound more French, especially when lambic and Duvel are dutch (well, Flemish, but you get the point)

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 20:18:26 No.3704765 Report

Quoted By:

>>3704759
Maybe it's just, like, an instructor thing. Teaching people to be fucking careful when doing that shit.
Either way, it fucking works.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 20:21:06 No.3704771 Report

Quoted By: >>3704775

>>3704762
What's the name of it? I want to go in in poorly matched clothes and a southern accent and act like I know nothing about food the whole meal, then order caviar and call them out when they bring me the cheap stuff

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 20:22:13 No.3704775 Report

Quoted By:

>>3704771
God, I wish I could remember, cause that sounds fun as hell.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 20:23:47 No.3704779 Report

Quoted By: >>3704815

>>3704763
huh, never knew that about duvel. I will make sure to ask for it correctly.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 20:30:20 No.3704799 Report

Quoted By: >>3704822

I had some family in from out of town and we went out to eat at this mexican place that serves piñon nuts to snack on before your meal arrives.

>everyone digging in and enjoying
>see my braindead aunt eyeballing them
>she grabs a handful
>CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH out of nowhere
>"these are pretty good, anon."

She just threw a bunch into her mouth and started mowing down.. Ate the shells and all.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 20:39:23 No.3704815 Report

Quoted By:

>>3704779
Meh. Like I said, it's just a pet peeve because I hear it so often, but I'm no snob. I did want to smack this one guy once who was sitting at the bar and when I said Duvel the correct way he "corrected" me in a really pretentious overblown french accent, complete with a snobby douchebag headroll

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 20:39:47 No.3704816 Report

Quoted By: >>3706259

anyone know of a reputable place to get pappy van winkle bourbon online? can't find it anywhere locally and its marked up WAY too high on eBay...

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 20:40:26 No.3704818 Report

Quoted By: >>3704831 >>3704840 >>3706122

This girl I work with says she cant lose weight no matter what. I go to lunch with her sometimes
>The only italian food she likes is alfredo and pizza
>she doesn't eat anything with lettuce, so never a salad
>but she loves ranch dressing
>always gets extra sour cream and cheese
>drinks a whole pint of chocolate milk
>she has the body of chrischan

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 20:42:21 No.3704822 Report

Quoted By:

>>3704799
I mean, as long as they're not hurting her teeth I guess... When I was a kid I used to get lazy and just eat sunflower seeds without bothering to spit the shells

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 20:46:45 No.3704831 Report

Quoted By: >>3704840

>>3704818
ugh sounds like one server where I work. She's the only waitress I wouldn't fuck (I'm not picky), and she's just like that, except add
>doesn't use deodorant so she smells worse than our one alcoholic, might-shower-might-not cook
>ridiculously self-conscious, insecure, desperate for attention
>completely retarded
>thinks any male who is marginally nice to her wants a piece

fuckfuckfuck I hate that bitch. I mean, she's nice and all and honestly I feel bad for her but holy fuck I can't take the crazy

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 20:51:00 No.3704837 Report

Quoted By:

>>3704733

Counter top was marble, only thing near the stove was paper towel, frying pan was stainless steel, but I don't know how the fuck the element didn't get completely owned. O.o

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 20:53:15 No.3704840 Report

Quoted By:

>>3704831
>>3704818

Do what this guy did to them

>>>3704732

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 20:55:24 No.3704844 Report

Quoted By: >>3704854

>>3704763
If an american reads that it's still not right. It sounds like "Doefol" ...

But I guess depending on the province pronounciation might differ, some people seem to say "Doevel" while others(me) really pronounce the "u" like in "uwe".

To pronounce correctly for an american would be:
"du" as in "dubious"
"vel" as in "vulgar"

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 21:01:20 No.3704854 Report

Quoted By: >>3704901

>>3704844
so like shovel. but "dew" instead of "sho"

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 21:05:48 No.3704863 Report

Quoted By: >>3704901 >>3704964 >>3705008

I laughed really hard at the guy complaining about how people pronounce "Duvel". For the record, no American will ever be able to pronounce any given Dutch/Flemish/German/French/whatever product correctly. And you don't need to. There's no shame in that. But please don't get snobbish and try to teach people how to pronounce that shit "correctly", it will fail in 99% of the cases.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 21:21:16 No.3704901 Report

Quoted By:

>>3704854
Yeah, good example

>>3704863
Yes they can(with some practive sometimes), just not everything like the "ch/g"-sound because they don't use it
I'm not saying they should though.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 21:50:16 No.3704964 Report

Quoted By:

>>3704863
uhh dickhead, that's why I never said that I correct people, and I didn't claim it was 100% correct, it just irks me a little (read: not enough to care or say anything) when people unnecessarily francify non-french words just to make them sound fancier. Also, my french isn't great but if I concentrate I damn well can pronounce most french words almost perfectly. And I never said I was American, thanks for assuming though, you pretentious cock.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 22:01:31 No.3704986 Report

Quoted By: >>3704999 >>3705009

I used to work at two different pizza places. They were both good, tasty joints. Anyway, we used real milk cheese. Most chains use soy, because it's cheaper and cuz lactose. Well, when you cook cheese, it browns. This is an ALIEN FUCKING CONCEPT to many customers, who would call and complain about their pizza being overcooked. Sometimes they'd be obnoxious, "I don't meant to tell you how to do your job but..." Sometimes they'd be frustrating, demanding that their pizza be delivered without "burnt" cheese, which would have necessitated removing the pizza halfway through the oven and adding the cheese. But every time they refused to listen to reason: that cooked food browns.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 22:09:45 No.3704999 Report

Quoted By:

>>3704986which would have necessitated removing the pizza halfway through the oven and adding the cheese.

I should add that we never fucking did this. We just skimped on their cheese and toppings and cooked it for less time so that it would brown less without leaving raw dough. Idiots.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 22:11:44 No.3705004 Report

Quoted By: >>3705016 >>3705113 >>3706116

Oh Lawd my flatmate last year was an absolute nub.
>Making pasta
>"OK anon, it's boiled for 14 minutes, what do I do now?"
>"Drain it. Use that colander."
>Turn around
>Hear screaming
>"MY FEET! MY FEET!"
>She hadn't put the colander over the sink

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 22:13:53 No.3705008 Report

Quoted By: >>3705078

>>3704863
> There's no shame in that

Eurofags are the ones who get uppity about how big fat american fatties cannot pronounce foreign word because they are so goddamn fat. Never understood that. I have found myself in quite a few uncomfortable situations while euros make me repetitively fail at mimmicking their particular drawl.

My response is to go out of my way to mispronounce key words to sound like assorted unsavory words, much to my personal amusement and gratification.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 22:14:12 No.3705009 Report

Quoted By:

>>3704986
the fuck is wrong with them the browned cheese is the best part

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 22:14:15 No.3705010 Report

Quoted By:

>High school upper level cooking class, it's expected that everyone has common sense and basic knowledge when cooking.
>Deep frying some egg rolls in a pot.
>During clean up, one of the girls decided it was the greatest fucking idea to add water to hot oil to cool it down.
>MFW oil splatters all over the dumb bitch.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 22:15:39 No.3705015 Report

Quoted By:

> Head cook has a 50lb bag of cabbage
> "Oh man no idea what I'm going to do with these"
> Orders "Cole Slaw Mix" Which is a bag of shredded cabbage and another smaller bag of shredded carrots
> why are you buying shredded carrots and cabbage when we have cabbage and carrots we can shred ourselves?
> "FUCK"

.... I quickly left that place

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 22:15:50 No.3705016 Report

Quoted By: >>3705034 >>3706116

>>3705004
Now that is fucking amazing.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 22:24:34 No.3705034 Report

Quoted By: >>3705063 >>3705079 >>3705113 >>3706116

>>3705016
She was absolutely amazing. Like a day after I met her she knocked on my door asking how to make soup. When I opened up she was stood there with a tin of Campbell's.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 22:47:50 No.3705063 Report

Quoted By: >>3705076 >>3706116

>>3705034
incredible. do you have any more stories about her?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 22:53:36 No.3705076 Report

Quoted By: >>3705079 >>3705112 >>3705113 >>3706116

>>3705063
There were two other pasta incidents: I told her that you can eat a piece to test how done it is. She just stuck her hand in the boiling water and picked one out. It didn't seem to hurt her though, she just wondered why we all went silent and stared at her.

The other time I told her she could check if spaghetti was done by trowing it at the wall, making sure she knew it was one piece at a time. I noticed a few days later that there were loads of tinned spaghetti hoops on the wall.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 22:54:21 No.3705078 Report

Quoted By:

>>3705008
internet highfive

I get my giggles by using works i know will irk ppl

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 22:54:32 No.3705079 Report

Quoted By: >>3706116

>>3705034
>>3705076

Marry this scalded crazy person. Do it now.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 22:59:38 No.3705088 Report

Quoted By:

>>3704719

>thinking Lambic is pronounced "lom-BEEK"

it actually is. even Flemish people pronounce it that way.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 23:14:01 No.3705110 Report

Quoted By:

>>3704762
Why is this ancient gif suddenly circulating more?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 23:15:47 No.3705112 Report

Quoted By: >>3706116

>>3705076
haha of fuck this is gold.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 23:15:53 No.3705113 Report

Quoted By: >>3705119 >>3705120 >>3705145 >>3706116 >>3707671 >>3707716

>>3705076
>>3705034
>>3705004

We had a pretty crazy flat. There was this one guy (I'll call him Anthony) who ended up burning our flat down.

>Be hanging out in kitchen
>Anthony walks in
>Spends about 30 seconds looking in fear at more than 3 people in the same room as him
>"Hi Anthony, how's it going?"
>"Good"
>He walks over to his cupboard, gets out a potato
>Carry on chatting
>Look over at Anthony
>He's just holding his potato looking terrified
>Another flatmate makes small talk with him "baked potatoes are the perfect student food" blah blah blah
>He turns the oven on and puts it in.
>Conversation has lulled
>Everyone tries not to stare at Anthony standing in the corner watching us
>No more than a minute later he takes the potato out the oven
>Sits down and tries to cut into it
>The same flatmate from before says "isn't that a bit hard? I usually just microwave mine"
>He doesn't reply
>We're all silent, just watching in awe as this madman tries to eat a raw potato
>He looks like he's gonna cry as he has his first munch
>Quietest voice I have ever heard
>"I think I will microwave it actually"
>He puts it in the microwave
>We're still all slightly in shock
>He gets it out about 10 seconds later
>Sticks his knife in
>It won't go in
>He puts the meal in the bin, plate and all
>Walks out the kitchen
>MFW I don't know whether to piss myself in hysterics or give him a hug and a cooked potato
>MFW I have no face

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 23:16:40 No.3705115 Report

Quoted By:

>aunt has to make ten gallons of tea for a party
>boils 20 teabags in one pot of water
>pours tea in ten gallon container and adds 9.5 gallons of water
>tea was the worst tea ever

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 23:21:06 No.3705119 Report

Quoted By:

>>3705113
y-you too

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 23:21:24 No.3705120 Report

Quoted By: >>3705151

>>3705113
>>MFW I don't know whether to piss myself in hysterics or give him a hug and a cooked potato
First the former (behind his back obviously), then the latter. Social anxiety is a bitch.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 23:38:54 No.3705145 Report

Quoted By:

>>3705113
That is amazing.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 23:40:10 No.3705151 Report

Quoted By: >>3705156 >>3705183

>>3705120
I did do both, he ended up committing arson though so there's only so much sorry I can feel.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 23:41:34 No.3705156 Report

Quoted By: >>3705163

>>3705151
Here I thought the fire would be the result of another sitcom-style panic attack or kitchen blunder.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 23:47:26 No.3705163 Report

Quoted By: >>3705166 >>3705175 >>3705194 >>3707671

>>3705156
nope.avi. We're not entirely sure of the entire story, but he smashed the top off a deodorant and set fire to it in our kitchen. The window got blown out and it was all terribly exciting. He got reported as a "high risk missing person" the day after and we had a week of the police and various mental health professionals searching our flat and questioning us all. He got found on a "shoplifting spree" and told the police that he was going out with the girl who pours boiling water on her feet. He works at McDonald's now.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 23:48:24 No.3705166 Report

Quoted By:

>>3705163
Also, this happened on my birthday.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 23:53:26 No.3705175 Report

Quoted By: >>3705193 >>3705194

>>3705163
Fuck me, that sounds exactly like Andy (his real name). Wouldn't enter the kitchen if there was more than one person. Saw him try to cook a pancake on the highest heat then proceed to eat the black, circular object with a miserable look on his face. Got kicked out of student halls after trying to burn the building down twice by leaving all four grills, ovens and sixteen hobs on. Twice.

Still somehow studying law though.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 23:56:04 No.3705183 Report

Quoted By: >>3705194

>>3705151
Oh come on, anon. You can't just tell us that and NOT give us the rest of the story. Why did Anthony burn down your house?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 00:04:49 No.3705193 Report

Quoted By: >>3705201

>>3705175
I also forgot to add that like your Anthony, little Andy was partial to a bit of thieving. Came back with a girl's handbag containing £200 one night, and another time with someone's pair of glasses. Two iPods and lots of food went missing from our flat: that stopped when he was booted out. Despite this he was incredibly shy, softly spoken and unthreatening in every manner.

Sounds like Andy and Anthony would get on like a house on fire!

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 00:05:47 No.3705194 Report

Quoted By: >>3705212 >>3706179

>>3705183 See >>3705163

As far as motive goes I'm thoroughly confused. I'd had a bit of a party and he actually came out and was the happiest I'd seen him all year. He'd had like three cans so I don't think he was drunk, and even then he'd still need some kind of motive. Guess he was just a highly strung guy with loads of problems and I'll never properly understand.

>>3705175
His real name wasn't Andy, although I did live with him after he'd left his first uni. He claimed to have left the first one cos he didn't like the course, but he was studying History with a Geography minor there, and Geography with a History minor when I knew him.

Another /ck/ related story of Anthony
>All of flat hanging out in kitchen
>Flatmate making a sammich
>Puts cheese back in fridge
>Turns around
>Anthony eating her sammich
>"Are you eating my sammich?"
>Anthony chews
>Swallows
>"I didn't know it was yours"
>Puts down sammich
>Open the door
>Walk out the door
>None of us know each other enough to laugh
>Now it's a funny anecdote

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 00:10:19 No.3705201 Report

Quoted By: >>3705219

>>3705193
We think Anthony was a bit weird like that too. It was never anything valuable though. He'd eat our food and use our shampoos, but that's not terribly odd for uni flats. The weirder things were like him popping out our flatmate's contraceptive pills, moving sponges from the shower into people's wardrobes and drawing a tiny loveheart in the corner of my flatmate's door. It actually sounds like Andy and Anthony were extremely similar people; is Andy still studying law?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 00:19:20 No.3705212 Report

Quoted By:

>>3705194
>"Are you eating my sammich?"
>Anthony chews
>Swallows
>"I didn't know it was yours"
>Puts down sammich
>Open the door
>Walk out the door

Dat shit ain't right.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 00:20:48 No.3705215 Report

Quoted By:

Went to a deli/shop near a local college once. I overheard this girl telling her friend about the miracle of gluten free beer. She made it seem like gluten was some kind of new ingredient that evil corporations added to beer to make us sick. I had to hold back laughter.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 00:23:12 No.3705219 Report

Quoted By: >>3705238

>>3705201
He is still studying law but I'm no longer in touch with him. Very surprised he wasn't booted out - must have received one hell of a letter from a psychiatrist to pull that off. I saw him a while back but avoided talking to him: raising the subject of him trying to burn us alive in our sleep was a no go and I wouldn't know what elsr to say!

He was picked on a fair bit in the flat - at first I stuck up for him but I eventually gave up as I suspected him of thieving and a deliberate arson attempt. I don't suppose it helped that he started university at 17 (relatively normal in Scotland) and was very immature even for that age. He too did odd, disruptive little acts like moving things and acting infatuated and needy with certain flatmates despite not being gay. Given the similarities all this probably is symptomatic of some mental illness: which one, I don't know.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 00:38:10 No.3705238 Report

Quoted By:

>>3705219
I suspected something like dissociative identity disorder: the reason I called him Anthony was because he once signed a letter to us "Anthony" (which obviously isn't his real name). Obviously this story's been told to plenty of people and all the psychology freshers thought they could diagnose him instantly, hardly any of them actually agreed :P.

We were quite annoyed that the uni didn't tell us he was unhinged. We were all nice and sensitive but if we were big jocky rugby kids then things might have ended significantly worse, considering we think he came into our rooms while we slept.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 00:55:56 No.3705264 Report

Quoted By: >>3705946

>roommate making mashed potatos
>added a ton of salt
>"it makes the water boil faster"
>taste it
>totally inedible

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 01:06:27 No.3705276 Report

Quoted By: >>3705294

>work driving a taxi in big city
>drunk hails me down
>before getting in asks
>do you have room in here for a pizza and a sixpack?
>I say sure
>drunk throws up in cab

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 01:16:33 No.3705294 Report

Quoted By:

>Open the door
>Walk out the door
I was actually surprised that the next line wasn't "everybody walk the dinosaur". What has 4chan done to me?

>>3705276
I like the cut of that guy's jib. I probably wouldn't have found it funny in your place, though.

ChefAnon !R9aboRROXI

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO Dean FUU.png, 645KiB, 710x433

ChefAnon !R9aboRROXI Sat 30 Jun 2012 01:18:21 No.3705296 Report

Quoted By: >>3705368 >>3706234 >>3706251

>> Smoke a whole prime rib
>> Orders all night asking for well done
>> Only cooked it to Medium rare
>> Losing a part of my soul every time I need to cut a juicy piece of prime rib and toss it in the oven till it's brown throughout.

>> Also made lamb shank
>> Customer adding ketchup

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO waiter.gif, 34KiB, 304x400

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 01:28:30 No.3705308 Report

Quoted By:

>Work as waiter in restaurant
>Serving customer his dinner
>Customer asks me why I have my thumb on his steak
>Tell him I didn't want to drop it on the floor again

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 01:34:08 No.3705314 Report

Quoted By:

>be yesterday
>just woke up
>be breakfast
>make steak, eggs, and potatos
>ketchup all over everything

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO Felix_the_Cat.jpg, 17KiB, 328x400

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 01:38:41 No.3705319 Report

Quoted By: >>3705321

>Having breakfast in hotel restaurant
>Taste coffee and it is awful
>Tell waiter, this coffee tastes like mud
>Waiter says
>I am not at all surprised Sir, it was ground this morning

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 01:41:12 No.3705321 Report

Quoted By:

>>3705319
You made me crack a smile.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 01:46:20 No.3705330 Report

Quoted By:

>be scotsman
>with my englishman and irishman bros
>trapped on desert island
>nigger cannibald capture us
>give us trial
>"go find ten of the same fruit faggots"
>i come back with ten blueberries
>shove all of them up my arse
>winrar
>irishman comes back with ten apples
>shoves nine up his arse then bursts out laughing
>mfw englishman has pineapples
>mfw I have no face

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 01:46:21 No.3705331 Report

Quoted By:

>Working drive thru
>Lady orders wings
>"What flavor would you like?"
>"I'll take the uhh ... garlic par-MEE-zin." (garlic parmesan)
>Make her repeat it again, pretend like I didn't hear it the first time
>Everyone wearing a headset has a healthy chortle

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO crab21.jpg, 104KiB, 640x427

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 01:47:57 No.3705333 Report

Quoted By: >>3705370

>Go into Seafood restaurant
>Ask Server if they serve crabs
>Server says
>We serve anybody, find a seat

fucking service people!

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 01:48:22 No.3705334 Report

Quoted By: >>3705335

>new waiter
>hand him a tart (plated)
>"is this the risotto?"
>our faces

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 01:50:21 No.3705335 Report

Quoted By: >>3705439

>>3705334
>hand him a tart

If you were British, this would be funny on a whole 'nother level

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1326863000285.jpg, 62KiB, 606x621

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 02:17:05 No.3705368 Report

Quoted By: >>3705395

>>3705296
>> Customer adding ketchup

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 02:18:15 No.3705370 Report

Quoted By:

>>3705333
nice!

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 02:30:20 No.3705386 Report

Quoted By: >>3707704

>Go to restaurant
>Order cream of tomato soup
>Soup arrives
>I call back to waiter that there's a fly in my soup
>"Well don't shout about it anon otherwise everyone will want one!"
>Tip only 10%

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 02:32:48 No.3705395 Report

Quoted By: >>3705404

>>3705368
>to well done steak

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 02:39:35 No.3705404 Report

Quoted By:

>>3705395
That's pretty horrible too, but ketchup on prime rib is the real atrocity here.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 02:44:47 No.3705412 Report

Quoted By: >>3705429

some of these are hysterical

archive this shit now!

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 02:55:04 No.3705429 Report

Quoted By:

>>3705412
archive requested!

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 03:01:39 No.3705439 Report

Quoted By: >>3705469

>>3705335
>whole 'nother

get out

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 03:17:57 No.3705452 Report

Quoted By: >>3708970

>>3704763
Slowpoke, I know, but this guy is wrong (ever so slightly) on one thing. I have always known both Lambic and Duvel to be from Belgium, and I did a little internet searching and was proven correct. Much of the confusion comes from the fact that Belgium has both flemish (dutch, exactly like he said) and french native speakers in it, with slightly more flemish than french. Many people say Duvel and Lambic with a french air because they believe all Belgians are french, for one reason or another. It is kind of funny to hear someone try to pronounce Hoegaarden in a french accent once they learn it's from Belgium.

He is, however, 100% accurate in the pronouncing Duvel. For Duvel, it is Doovel. For a link, http://www.forvo.com/word/duvel/.

Lambic is pronounced Lombeek, or lambick, depending on who you talk to. Beer snobs will generally say lombeek, but when I lived in Germany and went to Belgium they said Lambick. Dutch/Belgian people are famous for not really giving a shit. I have no idea, pick one.

I don't give a shit how you pronounce it, but you might.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 03:29:44 No.3705469 Report

Quoted By:

>>3705439

even though im not a cockney arsehole

this is how its pronounced.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 03:44:01 No.3705486 Report

Quoted By:

>>3704738
This works fine as long as you dump a party bag of ice into the fryer first, to cool the oil down.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 04:25:19 No.3705550 Report

Quoted By: >>3706126 >>3707687

>make meatloaf for first time
>things looking good
>OH GOD WHATS HAPPENING TO IT
>congealed grease all over the top

I think i will stick to hamburgers

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 08:06:26 No.3705946 Report

Quoted By:

>>3705264
Adding salt to water is useless for making it boil at a higher temperature, only pressurizing it works.

the formula for boiling point elevation of water is
Change in BP = molality of the solution (moles of solute dissolved in kg of solvant) * 0.512 degrees celsius

So to raise the temperature of 4L of water by just 1 degree C you'd have to add roughly 450 grams of salt

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1bf.gif, 54KiB, 497x263

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 10:46:34 No.3706106 Report

Quoted By: >>3706125

People that think cooking on a grill automatically = I'm BBQing!

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 11:00:02 No.3706116 Report

Quoted By:

>>3705113
>>3705112
>>3705079
>>3705076
>>3705063
>>3705034
>>3705016
>>3705004

Are you some samefagging reddit cocksucker or are the posters of /ck/ all teenaged children all of a sudden?

This entire thread reeks of one faggot chiming in with "lol epix win story bro"

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 11:08:01 No.3706122 Report

Quoted By:

>>3704818
>Lettuce
>Healthy
Its nothing. The darker varieties are better for you but acting like eating a salad that markets it with lettuce as something healthy is retarded. Lettuce is most mostly water with low amount of vitamin content even more so in types like iceberg which are the most common in "lettuce" salads. It's filler and gets the notion of being healthy from people believing low to no calories means healthy somehow.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 11:10:51 No.3706125 Report

Quoted By:

>>3706106
On charcoal they slightly are but you are correct grilling is not the same as BBQ but its not a big enough deal to care about. It just happen mostly because of companies selling BBQ sauce for when you grill out so people started associating grilling and BBQ as the same thing since the product they put on their grilled products was called BBQ sauce.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 11:14:00 No.3706126 Report

Quoted By:

>>3705550
Don't use a meat loaf pan use aluminum foil and set it up so that grease doesn't pool at the bottom of the meat. Also round the top more so the pool of grease on top will run off.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 11:27:07 No.3706139 Report

Quoted By: >>3706175 >>3706186 >>3706227 >>3706287

>friend tells me he eats ALL asian food with chop sticks because it makes it seem more authentic
>including rice with chop sticks
>mfw he does this when we are overseas in malaysia

seriously, even our friend whose house we were staying in overseas was eating some meals with a fork and spoon. my friend was just being completely ignorant and somewhat racist to assume that all asian cultures eat every meal with chop sticks

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 11:52:30 No.3706175 Report

Quoted By: >>3706181

>>3706139
I was under the impression that some areas eat rice with chop sticks and some use spoons, and that it depends on tradition and rice variety.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 11:53:16 No.3706179 Report

Quoted By:

>>3705194
>All of flat hanging out in kitchen
>Flatmate making a sammich
>Puts cheese back in fridge
>Turns around
>Anthony eating her sammich
>"Are you eating my sammich?"
>Anthony chews
>Swallows
>"I didn't know it was yours"
>Puts down sammich
>Open the door
>Get on the floor
>Everyone walk the dinosaur

fify

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 11:53:48 No.3706181 Report

Quoted By:

>>3706175
That was his point. His friends thought all Asians eat rice with chopstick.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 11:55:33 No.3706186 Report

Quoted By:

>>3706139
>How dare someone not know things about other cultures in a similar region.
Calling it racist is pretty much just as much ignorance on your part as is his ignorance about proper eating utensils for the moment.

Also Malaysians use chopsticks but its generally for noodles not rice. Also most places in Malaysia will have a thing in the middle with both spoons and chopsticks.

Both of you are wrong but calling him racist because of his lack of knowledge about something most of the people in the world outside of Asia could not tell you as well is just dumb.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 12:13:31 No.3706227 Report

Quoted By:

>>3706139
My family's asian and they eat their rice with chopsticks. I dont know how the fuck they do it though, I just use a spoon.

/ck/

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO cereal-guy.jpg, 5KiB, 200x200

/ck/ Sat 30 Jun 2012 12:16:00 No.3706234 Report

Quoted By:

>>3705296
I don't understand.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 12:25:25 No.3706251 Report

Quoted By:

>>3705296
>shitty fag who can't cook meat properly buttmad that people have to resort to drowning it in condiments to make it palatable

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 12:31:21 No.3706259 Report

Quoted By:

>>3704816
reminds me that I still have half a bottle...

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO cantaloupe-vitamin-c-lg[1].jpg, 23KiB, 460x360

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 12:53:13 No.3706285 Report

Quoted By: >>3706449 >>3706622 >>3706802

>work in produce
>a teenager, maybe 14 or 15 comes up to me
>takes out grocery list and asks what a cantaloupe is
>he's dead fucking serious

what the hell

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 12:55:08 No.3706287 Report

Quoted By:

>>3706139
He get's it from animes. The Japanese do eat almost all their food with chopsticks, including rice.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 15:21:25 No.3706404 Report

Quoted By: >>3706412

Oh god sometimes I am really, really bad with food I don't know.

>go out with friends to eat sushi
>pick something with a big shrimp on top
>it still got its tail and legs and everything
>no idea what to do
>eat it as a whole
>crunch crunch crunch
>everyone's looking weirded out

I still don't know how to eat them, fuck.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 15:37:33 No.3706412 Report

Quoted By: >>3706517

>>3706404
You did it right, man. If that was how the roll was presented to you then that's how you are supposed to eat it. There's no sushi that's meant to be disassembled. Well, that I know of anyway.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO delicious looking coffee i found (...).jpg, 312KiB, 1280x1024

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 15:50:05 No.3706421 Report

Quoted By: >>3706606

Hi /ck/, I was drinking some coffee this morning and I started wondering about how people decide what a good coffee is; specifically, how do they judge and give awards to certain batches? I understand how it works with, say, beer, but beer is basically identical as long as it's in the same batch. Do the people who make the coffee somehow replicate an almost identical cup for each judge? If so, how?

Also, when they rate the coffee, are the judges putting milk and sugar and such into the coffee? Do they drink it black? Do they just chew the grounds? I'm genuinely interested, and I figured you guys would know best.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 16:10:59 No.3706449 Report

Quoted By:

>>3706285
that doesn't really sound that strange. I didn't know what a cantaloupe was till i was around 20.
it's not a very common fruit around here.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 16:57:38 No.3706517 Report

Quoted By:

>>3706412

Yes? And what about those shrimp that come separate? Do you eat them as a whole, too, or do you break off the tail or something. I don't know.

!ddB8dxMZ/s

!ddB8dxMZ/s Sat 30 Jun 2012 18:37:17 No.3706606 Report

Quoted By:

>>3706421
I don't really judge either, but they should work the same either way. You just drink enough that you get used to the general flavor (and yes, you drink it black, espresso usually), and once you do that you can notice a whole variety of other more subtle flavors.

Again, I'm no connoisseur, but even I can tell if a coffee is fresh or not, and that some have richer flavors than another.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO david345.jpg, 41KiB, 500x370

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 18:42:44 No.3706609 Report

Quoted By:

>Go to steak house
>order T-bone steak
>try and try to cut it
>fucker will not cut
>call waiter over to table
>me: I want a new steak
>waiter: I( can't do that , sir.
>Why not?
>Waiter: Because you bent it

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 18:44:27 No.3706612 Report

Quoted By:

>We sell a Lemon Panna Cotta in my restaurant.
>New member of Staff takes dessert order.
>Calls it Lemon Pancetta in front of customers.
>Had to explain what Pancetta is to new member of staff.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO cooking.jpg, 23KiB, 266x415

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 18:54:21 No.3706619 Report

Quoted By:

>work at restaurant
>take drink orders for table of four
>get 2 drink orders wrong
>table complains
>manager fires me that night after punching out
>fucking stupid public
>move back in with my Mother
>live in basement
>little sister comes downstairs to watch T.V.
>cooking show on
>Rachel Ray rubbing spices on piece of meat
>Look at little sister
>Ask if she would like to do that
>She says sure
>Get on the floor
>Everybody walk the dinosaur

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 18:56:04 No.3706622 Report

Quoted By:

>>3706285
they're called rockmelonw where I live

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 20:52:25 No.3706802 Report

Quoted By:

>>3706285
A lot of people know them as musk melon around here. They have a number of names.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 21:05:43 No.3706829 Report

Quoted By:

>>3704763

that's quite possibly even worse than pronouncing it 'doo*-velle' , you moron

'doovelle' is how french belgians and french people in general would pronounce duvel , so in a way it's correct.

It would be difficult to find corresponding sounds in english to pronounce duvel like the flemish do

closest would be ... the french way of saying 'du' (as in duc, duvet) and prolonging the vowel and then vel with a schwa e (as in taken)

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 23:22:13 No.3706863 Report

Quoted By: >>3707084

one time my sister ate an apple

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 02:07:20 No.3707073 Report

Quoted By: >>3707085 >>3707087 >>3707097

>decide to fry pork chops
>realize that I have actually never fried a pork chop
>start cookan, so far so good, start making misc side dishes
>all is going wonderfully
>OH GOD FIRE ALARM WHY IS THE FIRE ALARM HAPPENING WHAT
>Fire alarm is part of automated security system, it starts screaming at me as I struggle to turn it off
>FIRE FIRE DEACTIVATE IN 10 SECONDS OR FIRE DEPARTMENT WILL BE DISPATCH OMG FIRE FIRE
>did not deactivate in 10 seconds
>firemens show up, apparently the grease was too hot, and the fire alarm is super touchy
>feel bad that they had to come in for no reason in their cute lil fireman outfits
>make them to-go plates

I have so many stories about me derping in the kitchen, if you're interested.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 04:46:36 No.3707084 Report

Quoted By:

>>3706863
That bitch

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 04:47:24 No.3707085 Report

Quoted By:

>>3707073
You sound like a gigantic faggot

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 04:48:07 No.3707087 Report

Quoted By:

>>3707073
That was nice of you

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 04:53:49 No.3707097 Report

Quoted By: >>3707722

>>3707073
You're not cookin'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4OPr_QxoFg

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 04:57:21 No.3707104 Report

Quoted By:

>>3704719
>argulula
lol my sides

I'm sure u mean arugula

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO hashrecipe.jpg, 89KiB, 791x470

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 10:37:17 No.3707630 Report

Quoted By: >>3707659 >>3707679

I did this ONCE, needless to say my life has taken a turn.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 11:14:06 No.3707659 Report

Quoted By: >>3707708

>>3707630

jesus christ...

Might I ask how your hospital visit went?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 11:20:50 No.3707664 Report

Quoted By: >>3707667

>Hotel breakfast buffet.
>Shit tier food.
>Grab muffin.
>Muffin is moldy.
>Shrug, throw away.
>Kenyan points and admonishes me in moon language for throwing food away.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1322723562416.jpg, 20KiB, 407x370

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 11:22:16 No.3707666 Report

Quoted By: >>3707675

>Work produce at a grocery store
>Biggest store in the county, have to deal with shitheads every day.
>One day, while putting out the corn, a woman approaches me.
>"Sir, I need help with the grapes."
>Ask her what exactly she needs help with.
>"I need to know what white grapes are. I see the red grapes, the black grapes, and the green grapes, but no white grapes. What are they?"
>mfw I have to explain to this bitch that white grapes aren't actually white, but rather green.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 11:23:30 No.3707667 Report

Quoted By: >>3707673

>>3707664
You don't know what moon language is lol @ fail racist
newfaggot. /b/ stay there.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1330475925131..jpg, 58KiB, 510x370

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 11:27:27 No.3707671 Report

Quoted By: >>3707788

>>3705113
>>3705163
I also live in student accommodation, have social anxiety and work at McDonalds.
fuck.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO youmad.jpg, 30KiB, 186x186

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 11:28:12 No.3707673 Report

Quoted By: >>3707680

>>3707667
>Responding with a sexual epithet to protest someone using a racial epithet.

Good God, you are in every thread.
You have no idea what kind of an autistic robot you sound like. Or maybe you do and that's how 'i troll u! lol'

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1341007855607.jpg, 3KiB, 126x120

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 11:30:53 No.3707675 Report

Quoted By: >>3707681

>>3707666
well, it's a misnomer you fucking pretentious hipster foodie bitch

>mfw i'm too above this "earth" and "life" nonsense

This Machine Kills Statists !n6FDTJwqtg

This Machine Kills Statists !n6FDTJwqtg Sun 01 Jul 2012 11:34:38 No.3707679 Report

Quoted By: >>3707683

>>3707630
What happened?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 11:35:36 No.3707680 Report

Quoted By: >>3707682

>>3707673
Moonspeak has nothing to do with Kenyans. People who recently began browsing this website, and often misuse terminology are commonly referred to as newfags. That term has no connection to homosexuality.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1320171317804.png, 101KiB, 665x598

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 11:37:47 No.3707681 Report

Quoted By:

>>3707675
The fuck are you talking about, kid?
Yes, it is a misnomer. That much is true. But there's obviously no such thing as a fucking white grape. A grown woman should be able to understand that if three types of grapes are clearly labeled red, black and white, then the color that more closely resembles white (HINT, it's fucking green) should be the white grape.

This Machine Kills Statists !n6FDTJwqtg

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1340860392352.jpg, 6KiB, 153x215

This Machine Kills Statists !n6FDTJwqtg Sun 01 Jul 2012 11:39:17 No.3707682 Report

Quoted By:

>>3707680

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 11:41:14 No.3707683 Report

Quoted By:

>>3707679
>>3707679
Well obviously when he poured the ice water in the flaming oil he either lit his house or himself on fire.

noko

noko Sun 01 Jul 2012 11:46:19 No.3707687 Report

Quoted By:

>>3705550

Cook it on a cookie sheet next time. Just form it into a loaf. That way the grease will run off.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO CK Fag.jpg, 80KiB, 550x400

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 12:03:47 No.3707704 Report

Quoted By:

>>3705386
That's a Fawlty Towers reference, you uncultured fuck.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 12:03:51 No.3707705 Report

Quoted By: >>3707707

>busy toiling away at the 5:30 rush of hungry drunks.
>morbidly obese bartender Lisa appears in doorway offering to help.
No thanks, I got it.
>completely ignores me, looks at orders, and starts throwing shit I JUST FUCKIG COOKED in the deep fryer.
Jesus Christ what are you doing.
>oh.. i didn't.. sorry.., followed by a little smirk
>resume cutting peppers or some shit
>bitch starts fucking with my burgers now.
Goddammit, go do your job Lisa, get out of my kitchen!
>oh sorry! (heehee)
>proceeds to take the wrong tittyfucking order out to a guy who orders the same shitdicking thing every day.

I am going to kill this bitch.

And of course our boss is nowhere to be found. Not so much of a derp story if she's a succubus hambeast who fucks with me every day, I guess.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 12:07:38 No.3707707 Report

Quoted By: >>3707709

>>3707705

She wants your cock.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 12:08:38 No.3707708 Report

Quoted By:

>>3707659

poorly, to say the least. I spent more time there than I wanted to. I was prescribed a LOT of painkillers, about 300x 7.5mg percocet. It could have been worse, we lost our house, the insurance somehow covered it. My arms are fine today except the marks.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 12:12:12 No.3707709 Report

Quoted By:

>>3707707
Careful, she might try to eat it

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 12:26:02 No.3707716 Report

Quoted By: >>3707721 >>3707765 >>3707792

>>3705113
holy fuck anon, this happened to me on campus at college

>korean exchange student lives in the dorms with us
>keeps to herself, stays in her room when shes not at class
>me and friend having a couple of beers on a friday evening, its holidays and not many people are around so korea girl has been venturing out of her den a lot more
>we sit in silence and she comes out of her room with a sweet potato, turns the grill on, and sticks it under, and then shuffles back to her room
>45 seconds to a minute pass before she shuffles back and collects her potato
>puzzled looks flash across our faces and we nearly die laughing, tears streaming down our faces

what the fuck, what was she doing? it wouldnt even have been warm. every once in a while she made some kind of fish stew and it was really pungent but seemed like it would taste fucking awesome...

she'll probably went back to korea with stories about how australians drink like fucking retards, do drugs and are loud, dumb and promiscuous. so i guess she had the last laugh.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 12:50:56 No.3707721 Report

Quoted By:

>>3707716
That wierd bitch eats sweet potatoes raw. You got the last laugh.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 12:52:52 No.3707722 Report

Quoted By:

>>3707097
Yeah I do

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 14:23:12 No.3707765 Report

Quoted By: >>3707779

>>3707716

Perhaps she decided that she did not want it anymore?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 14:49:22 No.3707779 Report

Quoted By:

>>3707765
possible.... but wasnt the vibe we got, if you know what i mean.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 14:59:05 No.3707788 Report

Quoted By:

>>3707671
I've met plenty of people like you, only one of them has burnt my house down though. I recommend not doing so if you ever get the urge.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 15:03:51 No.3707792 Report

Quoted By: >>3708799

>>3707716
That might be how they eat it over there. I lived with a Vietnamese girl for a while who'd make blood soup, or burn sugar into a saucepan, pour a load of lard in, then just eat that.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 20:51:50 No.3708152 Report

Quoted By:

Looking down on someone, no matter their age for a lack of knowledge in what French toast, isn't very nice.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 21:40:39 No.3708218 Report

Quoted By:

One time I accidentally a cucumber.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1306223479682.jpg, 176KiB, 373x373

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 22:14:23 No.3708277 Report

Quoted By:

I was helping out with catering for some relative's party when this shit happened
>some guy comes to me and tells me he wants a beer, then grabs a full glass that stands in front of him without letting me respond
>I tell him it's a mixed beer someone else ordered
>he takes two sips then puts it away and says he hates mixed beer and I have to make him a new one. Also had to pour away the rest of the mixed beer and make a new one for the other person.
>as I'm drawing him a new beer he turns around and speaks with someone then turn back and takes the finished beer
>he sips again and says that I made him a mixed beer again and pours it out
>HE THEN FUCKING REPEATED THE SAME THING
>after having poured out 3 beer already out of which 2 were as he wanted I tell him to watch me draw his next one
>he watches me, drinks it and says in the most cocky tone "took you long enough"
>mfw through this whole situation

I nearly beat that fucker (was only helping out voluntary anyhow).
To make me even happier some older guy came to me later on and explained to me over half an hour how I have to draw to beer, because he did that like 10 times before and thought he was greatest fucking beer drawer ever.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 02 Jul 2012 03:00:29 No.3708799 Report

Quoted By:

>>3707792
>blood soup
You mean, raw, coagulated blood with chopped animal innards? That's fucking delicious. Did you at least try some?

>burn sugar into a saucepan, pour a load of lard in, then just eat that.
Either you made this up, or the girl was a full retard. No one in Vietnam eats anything like that, man.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 02 Jul 2012 03:04:07 No.3708811 Report

Quoted By:

>surrender toast
>freedom toast
>ethical toast
>wears onions and rides a bike toast
etc

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 02 Jul 2012 03:09:55 No.3708830 Report

Quoted By:

>mom is normally a good cook
>except when she's drunk
>she tries to make chili (from scratch)
>she put baking soda into an almost-complete chili (all it needed was some simmering)
>to check for "doneness", she puts her face mere inches away from the pot
>she comments that it's too hot so she starts blowing away at the steam with her breath
>she starts spitting in the chili
>she eventually sobers up
>she denies this ever happened

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1272993093723.jpg, 13KiB, 276x274

Anonymous Mon 02 Jul 2012 03:30:48 No.3708877 Report

Quoted By: >>3709007

>be Scottish
>student halls
>Indian flatmate
>cunt is 30 years old and bald
>me and other flatmates know basics of cooking (dont put X in the over, Y isnt safe in microwave etc)
>Indian fellow puts ready meal in the oven, plastic tray and all
>cant wait to see how this fucking abomination turns out
>plastic melts/burns into some kind of catastrophic twisted foetal abortion being (with caremalized mousakka still withtained)
>mfw when he eats it
>mfw there is no face to describe this specimin of human fuckupery

Used to do shit like this all the fucking time. The fucker ate 4 ready meals a day, I swear he was radioactive.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 02 Jul 2012 04:21:35 No.3708970 Report

Quoted By:

>>3705452
Late, flemish guy here, never heard anyone pronounce it other than with an u like in uber, and the vel is pronounced like fell. düvel? I'm bad at sounds. Don't know how the walloons pronounce it, but the word is dutch in origin (from duivel=devil).

We indeed don't give a shit, but we'll laugh at funny accents like any person. Also, duvel isn't even the best belgian beer (by far), yet it's one of the only ones I ever see mentioned here :(

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 02 Jul 2012 04:46:27 No.3709007 Report

Quoted By:

>>3708877
That's just his way of building up a resistance to plastic poisoning.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 02 Jul 2012 04:55:44 No.3709031 Report

Quoted By:

>cooked popcorn on the stovetop using peanut oil
I really don't know what was wrong with me that day. I also ended up setting off the fire alarm.
I should probably stop trying to cook anything at 12 am.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 02 Jul 2012 05:54:44 No.3709153 Report

Quoted By:

Cue the Aziz Ansari bit about 50 Cent not knowing what a grapefruit was.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waCF81HdKAA

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THOSE ORANGES?!

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