>>4821228A bit too wordy for what you were doing in the begining, especially how rushed your world building came off.
You can try to stretch that out a bit to prevent it from sounding like an info dump.
Your paragraph formatting could also be broken down more, it's nice that you are actually bothering with Paragraphs but monolithic blocks of texts are rather daunting reads.
This may also help with the transitions, as they are also rather abrupt and clunky, with the sudden scene shifts leaving me wondering if I missed something.
Other then the technicals though, it's rather good.
I'm not one for Dragon Dickings or Feral (which in this instance was rather confusing, seeing as the Dragons have their own WRITTEN Language), but the erotica was certainly better here then in what little PUBLISHED smut I've read.
My own dabbling in the subject probably wasn't near as good: >
http://www.tfroleplay.us/ag/read.php?e=3687>>4821368Yeah, I only did that section I linked to, but I figured it was going towards lesbian tentacle monsters anyways.
...Holy frack it's been two and a half years already?!?!
I really do need to get back to it...
