Update 2024-03-27: Greatly expanded the "Samples" page and renamed it to "Glossary".
Update 2024-04-04: Added 5 million mid-2011 posts from the k47 post dump. Browse (mostly) them here.
Update 2024-04-07: Added ~400 October 2003 posts from 4chan.net. Browse them here.
Welcome to Oldfriend Archive, the official 4chan archive of the NSA. Hosting ~170M text-only 2003-2014 4chan posts (mostly 2006-2008).
>midterms >class on 5th floor >was carrying about 30 lbs in books so i didn't want to walk up with it >about 5 minutes before exams begin but i know i'll make it on time >waiting patiently for elevator >emergency news flash on 8, seismic activity detected >ground shakes, plumes of hell flames burst into the air, 9.4 on richter scale, building trembles > is this the reckoning? >no just a group of god warriors come before me >they blot out the sun like the human eclipses they are >i cower before them, offering what little whey i have with me >elevator dings, i'm saved >get on >the 5 of them follow me in >elevator is about to snap, red lights go off, warning bell sounds >max weight 1500 lbs >they bert stare at me >i shrug. 'i'm only 170' >they berate me for using numbers instead of fat positive adjectives >they start confirming their weights for me. they are 'beautiful, bodacious, full bodied, fatspirational , and reubenesque.' >'i never learnt those metric figures in physics' >they start yelling at me for being a binary, fat hating, cis gendered, able privileged scum >i get off and figure i'll run up and still get there before them >elevator still ringing >one of the god warriors steps off and it stops >just for shits and giggles i hop back on and it still doesn't go on >mfw fatty weights more than me + books >'huh, i guess i don't weight as much as you guys' >i jump off and rocket my way up 5 flights of stairs and am sitting in my desk before they come through the door >sweet,sweet victory
There is a place in a more ancient part of the gym, a pit where men are thrown to suffer and die. But sometimes a man rises from the darkness. Sometimes the squat rack sends something back.
>work at movie theater >work in the concession stand (popcorn/candy/soda guy) >Have mandated steps to follow for each guest >must try to upsize and sell extra >be pretty charismatic and convincing >tfw constantly having to convince fatties to buy a size up or get something extra they dont need for my job >tfw you can see their will power snap as they do agree to get the large popcorn for only a dollar more because you get a free refill >tfw they might as well get a candy to go with their popcorn and drink because its only 2.50
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the city The gym doors were closing, and it wasn't pretty The lit signs above doors became totally dim All thoughts of night lifting had soon become grim
The skinnyfats were nestled, all snug in their beds While visions of calories danced in their heads Back in my home, as it was when I left I sighed to myself, "that feel when no gf"
Every Fitzen Down in Fit-ville Liked lifting a lot...
But the Landwhale, Who lived just north of Fit-ville, Did NOT!
The Landwhale hated Lifting! The whole beach season! Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason. It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right. It could be, perhaps, that his pants were too tight. But I think that the most likely reason of all May have been that he couldn’t see his own balls.
But, Whatever the reason, His balls or his tits, He stood there on Lifting eve, hating the Fits, Staring down from his cave with a sour, fatty frown At the warm lighted windows below in their town. For he knew every Fitzen down in Fit-ville below Was preparing now, for tomorrows dumbbell rows
Gents, it's been one hell of a ride. Not too long ago, I was diagnosed with lymphoma, and the original prognosis was good. Unfortunately, chemo hasn't been going as planned for the last few months, and the cancer has matastisized into my lungs and smaller regions. My new prognosis is approximately 1-2 months left, and I'm planning on going into hospice care fairly soon. I just wanted to talk to you guys one last time and say thanks, for everything. I guess part of the beauty of this place is the anonymous nature and how you can just talk about things. I've learned countless things about lifting, zyzzbrah, nutrition, and most importantly, life in general. It really does amaze me how complete strangers seem to know more about you than anyone else. With /fit/'s help, I turned from a skinny, 5'10 150 lb white kid, to athletic 170 lb athlete over these past two years. Like I said before, although I never knew anyone of you personally, I always felt some sort of inexplicable connection with all of you. Whether it was the feel threads where you can just vent, troll and humor threads, or just general progress threads, it was an honor to be able to get both give and get help, and just general advice about life. I hope this doesn't seem like an appeal for pity, I just wanted to say one last honest thanks to those who I truly believe are my best friends. If I could say on last thing, it would be to not be afraid to talk to that girl you eye from across the room, to keep on fighting through everything you have to go through each day, and just keep on keeping on. Good luck to all of you in whatever you do in this lifetime and I hope life brings each and every one of you happiness. We're all gonna make it brahs. Godspeed gents.
