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It's pretty good. It looks a little more like labor than like an exciting version. You've got to learn mark making. Varied and interesting marks, which may look quite abstract close up, come together to energize and add character to such a portrait.
There is also the matter of emphasizing and deemphasizing certain areas. Find what is important to you and give that the greatest detail. Often, in the work of the old masters, you will see the detail increase and become finer into the face, and peaking at the eyes. In the opposite direction, you will often see the strokes become bigger, wilder and more loose and energetic as we travel into the body. In this case, since there are few clothes, you may do less of that. No matter what, it's something to always consider.
Build your vocabulary of marks, and learn to employ them more naturally and expressively. Remember that much can be left unsaid. Suggesting a particular detail is there, but not fully defining, and letting the viewer's mind fill it in, will result in a very engaging piece.