/k/ - Weapons » Thread #15665672

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Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 07:05:12 No.15665672 View View Reply Original Report

Now that the kiddies are going to bed, Let's have a good old-fashioned war stories thread. Anything and Everything, if it happened while you were in, I want to hear it.

>Be me, 2008, Afganiland
>Have to go talk to one of the ANA sergeants for some shit or another
>Knock on his door
>2 men and a kid walk out
>Wondering what the hell just happened
>ANA guy calls me in, adjusting his belt as I come in
>Bring it up with some of my buddies, Tells me that they'd been fucking the kid, we all have a good laugh

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO Dr. who.jpg, 48KiB, 640x352

Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 20:54:53 No.15672617 Report

Quoted By: >>15673471

>>15672443
that is way lamer than half a hundred thumbs over two weeks

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 21:15:27 No.15672798 Report

Quoted By:

>>15665672
From my dad (101st Airborne, drafted and sent into 'Nam during the Tet Offensive):

>Be inna camp
>Some guy leaves to take piss
>Some guy come running back holding his pants up, Charlie is in hot pursuit
>Did you ever hear the one about the Gook that walked into a BAR?

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 21:23:04 No.15672873 Report

Quoted By:

>>15669975

confirmed that you have never been to thailand or more than likely out of moms basement

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 21:36:58 No.15673010 Report

Quoted By:

>>15669689
Well I feel a lot better about masturbating to it now

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 21:47:26 No.15673151 Report

Quoted By: >>15673226 >>15673304 >>15673405

>in sandbox (Iraq)
>FOB in the middle of BFE
>first ones at the FOB
>resupply convoy is a day or two out so we gotta clear the route for IEDs
>no clear cover for hadjis so we are looking for pressure sensitive shit
>see a goat
>its walking in front of us aimlessly following the road
>goat trips
>wires wires everyone get down
>clear sectors confirm no bogeys
>grab multi tool and approach
>gently snip wires
>follow 2 wires back, find 2 buried 155's
>follow the main wire back to find a telephone
>rigged for a phone call boom
>goat is now watching us
>give goat a bite of my candy bar for finding IED
>goat follows us back to base
>next day on patrol goat is walking in front of our squad probably hoping for some more food
>goat charges foreward and finds something to chew on
>he pulls on whatever he is chewing
>fucking det cord that was wrapped around 4 smaller mortar shells
>goat ate through the det cord
>Fuck it he deserves a whole candy bar
>come upon an overturned bus
>someone jokingly put his helmet on the goat and told him to go find a IED
>goat walks around the bus
>hear a gunshot
>see the goat take off running
>apparently a hadji sniper saw the helmet and shot too soon
>squadmate peeks around the bus and sees a small shack maybe 150 yards out
>backs up and lobs a HE with his 203
>scares hadji out from behind the shack
>mow him down
>goat returns
>private dumbshit can't find his lid now because the goat must have dropped it
>small enough shack we just torch it
>get the bus moved with 2 winches on 2 humvees
>goat follows us back to base
>we bring him in and feed him
>make a sachel that said EOD goat
>next day
>establish patrol and small squads on resupply route
>walking around just doing a quick check for shit
>goat charges off into the distance
>hear a scream
>look and see goat attacking a hadji that was hiding behind a outcropping
>hadji shoots the goat with his pistol
>MAN DOWN take out hadji
>that night we honored the goat by feasting upon his corpse

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 21:54:06 No.15673226 Report

Quoted By: >>15673250

>>15673151
Goats are such bro animals.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 21:56:48 No.15673250 Report

Quoted By: >>15673333

>>15673226
The hell they are, they LOVE biting people.

They're just as bad as camels.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 22:01:06 No.15673304 Report

Quoted By:

>>15673151
>operator goat

A true American hero.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 22:03:52 No.15673333 Report

Quoted By: >>15673375

>>15673250
You gotta bro out with the goat first dude

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 22:05:15 No.15673351 Report

Quoted By: >>15673566

Someone please screen cap goat story

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 22:07:25 No.15673375 Report

Quoted By:

>>15673333
Perhaps, but the first goat I met introduced itself by biting my ass (literally), so I wasn't too inclined to give it any candy.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO goat.gif, 2MiB, 288x216

Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 22:09:52 No.15673405 Report

Quoted By:

>>15673151
GOAT goat

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 22:12:13 No.15673439 Report

Quoted By: >>15673489

Uncles story
His name really is Dan he wasn't a Lt though
>inna bush BFE nam
>tunnel duty
>Dan is on point
>has his flashlight and his .45
>patrol buddy behind Dan says he thinks the tunnel is getting more narrow
>comes to a fork
>what do?
>they decide not to split up and just go left
>the tunnel starts to open up
>they hear some faint noise so they kill their lights
>sounds like English almost
>they press on
>they see lights around a bend and duck back
>guns ready
>they hear English
>sounds like friendlies
>they blink their flashlight and say American friendly
>instaquiet
>say again American friendly
>company so and so squad whatever
>hear back, American friendly we are coming out
>see some marines that were humping through the tunnel
>its clear they have been in the tunnel for about 3 hours they got lost but it looks damn empty
>we saw a fork maybe 200 yards back
>alright lets check it out as long as you guys know the way out
>get back to the fork
>start down the path
>what is that smell?
>press on
>smell is getting worse and worse
>they come upon a big opening
>electronics, guns, ammo all sorts of shit
>no one home
>god what is that fucking smell
>they keep pressing foreword into another tunnel
>the tunnel opens up
>they can stand up but still single file
>the smell is almost unbearable at this point
>turn a corner and find a pile of dead Vietcong
>floor to ceiling
>dead
>they are like wtf?
>so they are talking about what do do
>hear some faint screams
>it sounds like from the other side of the pile
>they start to move the bodies
>screams are getting louder
>there has to be 50 gooks here
>small cave in on top of the end of the pile
>the screams stop
>keep digging
>find the rotted bodies of 2 American POW's
>they nope the fuck out of the tunnel and report what they found

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 22:14:27 No.15673463 Report

Quoted By:

>>15668023
>Napoleon Blown-a-part

Fuck you, man, my laptop is now covered in saliva and milk. I think I broke a fucking rib.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 22:15:26 No.15673471 Report

Quoted By:

>>15672617
you don't hear stories that good that ring true that often...
i've heard about hillbillys shooting down zeros, shooting down a B-52, getting blown up on a pow train in germany, getting hit by a kamakazi, and busting an m16 apart on a vc's head and using his ak the rest of the war... but tripping out of the tunnels with 52 thumbs is something different.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 22:18:12 No.15673489 Report

Quoted By:

>>15673439
I'm surprised that story didn't end with
>Operationally sneak through side hallway to bamboo door
>Open the door
>Get on the floor
>Everybody walk the dinosaur

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO naji.jpg, 15KiB, 400x224

Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 22:20:57 No.15673511 Report

Quoted By: >>15673534 >>15673592

>>15665672
>>15665858
Najibullah Quraishi did a documentary about this, its pretty fucked up.

It's just a horrible fucked up country in general.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 22:22:31 No.15673534 Report

Quoted By:

>>15673511
I know an Afghan kid who bragged to me about fucking his female cousin in the ass. Smart and nice guy, but damn he had some perversions I tell ya.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO most bro goat.png, 84KiB, 627x907

Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 22:25:52 No.15673566 Report

Quoted By: >>15673823

>>15673351

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 22:28:06 No.15673583 Report

Quoted By:

>>15668335
*defacation

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 22:28:36 No.15673592 Report

Quoted By: >>15673924

>>15673511

Afghanistan is famous for it. It used to be that the higher-ups almost exclusively preferred young boys to anything else.

Worse than /b/.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 22:50:24 No.15673823 Report

Quoted By:

>>15673566
Thanks

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 22:55:57 No.15673875 Report

Quoted By: >>15673892

>>15667811
>take half-dose of LSD
>brain goes into motherfucking Cray supercomputer mode
>come out 12 hours later with a detailed map on a huge sheet
>no clue how you drew such a huge map while in those tiny tunnels

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 22:57:22 No.15673892 Report

Quoted By:

>>15673875
shit's cray

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 22:59:35 No.15673924 Report

Quoted By:

>>15673592
That's higher-ups everywhere. People in higher circles of power anywhere in the world are disproportionately pederast, possibly even majority-pederast. I'm not sure what the connection is, but it is definitely there.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 23:24:07 No.15674181 Report

Quoted By: >>15674193

Grandfather:

>>Be Petty Officer in Royal Navy.
>>Be innasubmarine HMS Trenchant in the Pacific.
>>Captain Arthur Hezlett spots lone ship approaching.
>> Jap merchant, unarmed.
>> Sub surfaces and deck gun is manned.
>> Immediately people start raining over the sides, Korean forced workers.
>>Boarding party investigates, finds tonnes of ordnance, the ship is destined for Java.
>> Japanese troops on board emerge from below decks, boarding party nopes the fuck off the ship.
>> Ship is sunk along with the Japs, Koreans planted on the next neutral boat they see.

Just an average event, but it's a better day's work than I've ever done.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 23:25:41 No.15674193 Report

Quoted By:

>>15674181

Also the largest ship sunk by the Royal Navy during the war in the Pacific was sunk by Trenchant, but it isn't much of a story.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Mon 08 Apr 2013 23:25:43 No.15674194 Report

Quoted By:

>>15668078
His face when......

Anonymous

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Anonymous Tue 09 Apr 2013 00:33:44 No.15675076 Report

Quoted By:

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 09 Apr 2013 00:49:32 No.15675273 Report

Quoted By:

Bump

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 09 Apr 2013 00:55:51 No.15675357 Report

Quoted By:

>>15669081
You don't happen to be Danish because I used to play WoW with a guy who told basically the same story.

I just remember it involved thermals, fucking and a lot of laughter.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 09 Apr 2013 01:00:40 No.15675435 Report

Quoted By:

Be a volunteer at VA hospital Vietnam vet comes in all the time is a total bro, wears his medals on an old army jacket.
>inna Vietnam
>get taken POW
>6 months in a camp daily torture
>more POWs come in
>make plans for escape
>one of the guards likes to fuck POWs in the ass and sodomy n gay shit
>find piece of barbed wire from cages
>guy goes in to get daily railing
>gets barbed wire wrapped around his neck and choked out
>take knife and pistol and rifle
>sneak to the makeshift armory (atleast the hut they kept the extra guns in)
>arm everyone
>guards patrolling and in the guard towers taken out
>they light up the poorly constructed barracks with diesel fuel and cut down the hut with AKs and M16's
>2 gook officers come running out and realize they are fucked
>one officer literally gets a red hot rifle barrel shoved up his ass
>the other officer is skinned alive
>they arm themselves with just about anything they can find
>make their way inna jungle carrying the wounded
>30 clicks later they are approaching a FOB
>they are engaged from the rear
>mow down about 20 gooks
>guys at the FOB open fire and accidentally 3 of the POWs
>start screaming USA Friendly
>ceasefire
>guy gets a silver star and a Purple Heart, would have got MOH but before he got shipped back to Murrica got caught with weed
>he re-upped his contract and went back to Vietnam until the occupation was over

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 09 Apr 2013 01:15:04 No.15675639 Report

Quoted By: >>15676022

VA volunteer again, desert storm vet told me this one
>Be onna night guard duty for FOB in Kuwait
>cooking some MREs around 4 am
>movement inside the buffer zone
>can't tell wtf it is
>grab night vision
>fucking camel spider
>spider gets inna fence
>it is all over the fucking place
>a couple guys are running around trying to hit it with 2x4's
>one guy finally hits it
>couple more guys come out to see what the commotion was
>private dipshit wants to take a picture holding it
>turns around to grab his ruck sack with his camera
>the spider comes to life and lunges on the private
>bites down right on his ass cheek
>start beating the spider with the 2x4's and inadvertently beating the private
>someone tries to stab the spider
>misses and gets the private right in the ass
>officer comes out to see what the yelling is
>radios are going crazy no one knows what's happening
>officer sees a big spider latched into a privates ass and a knife sticking out
>yells "SOMEONE SHOOT THAT THING"
>the private yells "DONT FUCKING SHOOT IT!"
>finally a good swing with a 2x4 and the spider is dead and lets go
>private pulls out his sidearm and unloads into the spider
>rushed to the medical tent
>wasn't in Kuwait a week and already shipped back to the states
>heard the private lost most of that ass cheek
>new rules on dealing with spiders in FOB
>shoot them

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 09 Apr 2013 01:26:06 No.15675796 Report

Quoted By: >>15677323

VA volunteer one more then I gotta go to work, a diff Vietnam vet told me this one
>be inna jungle
>come across ransacked village
>clearing huts
>come across a Vietcong fucking some elderly woman in the ass
>he dives for his guns
>gets shot in the face
>elderly woman is grateful she's not being raped anymore but is crying
>clear rest of village
>elderly woman won't leave the guy who saved her alone
>doesn't speak a lick of English
>translator comes over and tells her she needs to leave him alone
>she says she wants to thank him for saving her with sex
>squad leader says go ahead we are waiting here for the next squad ahead of us to get back
>guy takes the elderly woman inna hut
>hear grunting and groaning
>he comes out a little but later with a look of shame on his face
>everyone is laughing and picking on him
>asks him why the long face
>he says he thinks he killed the little old woman
>wtf?
>medic goes in, turns out she had a heart attack and died while fucking the young marine
>he said that's how he killed and old woman and got the clap all in one day

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 09 Apr 2013 01:42:58 No.15675998 Report

Quoted By:

Not wartime but whatever
>stationed in SoCal
>rent an apartment across the border for leave time and weekends
>me and buddy Blake split the cost
>every fucking morning at 5:30 mexican kids pounding on our door asking for change
>every morning at yell out window for them to fuck off
>one weekend we get an extra day of leave
>go south of the border and get trashed
>barely make it home
>next morning without fail kids pounding on the door
>I am still a bit drunk tell them to fuck off
>noon time rolls around they come back
>pounding on the door asking for change
>fuck it I'm still asleep Blake can tell them to fuck off
>get up anyway for water and Tylenol
>Blake is getting some change together
>he is mad as fuck
>he whips it out the door at the kids and they scramble to pick it up
>he yells come back tomorrow I will have more for you
>ask him wtf?
>he says he's going to teach those little fuckers
>next morning rolls around
>Blake is up bright and early
>smell some shit burning
>get up and ask him wtf?
>he has about $5 in nickels in a frying pan getting red hot
>ask him what he's going to do
>he laughs and says you'll see
>the nickels are pretty much glowing
>a couple minutes later hear pounding on the door
>kids asking for change
>he opens the door and Empties the pan onto the ground
>see the kids start to pick it up
>they scream as the nickels are sticking to their hands
>they run home
>never saw those kids again
>Blake said it was the best $5 he ever spent

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 09 Apr 2013 01:44:40 No.15676022 Report

Quoted By:

>>15675639
My sides will never forgive you

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 09 Apr 2013 01:45:36 No.15676032 Report

Quoted By:

>>15667608
Oh my lord

My sides just imploded you bastard

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 09 Apr 2013 01:46:18 No.15676036 Report

Quoted By:

Damn this thread is still going?

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO image.jpg, 77KiB, 700x438

Anonymous Tue 09 Apr 2013 01:49:05 No.15676065 Report

Quoted By:

This thread has uncontrollable amounts of win

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO image.jpg, 91KiB, 653x515

Anonymous Tue 09 Apr 2013 01:51:03 No.15676088 Report

Quoted By: >>15677559

This doesn't apply but is a good story, RIP Tom

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 09 Apr 2013 01:54:59 No.15676149 Report

Quoted By:

Bump

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 09 Apr 2013 02:05:27 No.15676352 Report

Quoted By:

>>15669007

Or fuck it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 09 Apr 2013 02:30:52 No.15676723 Report

Quoted By:

>>15669580
>>punctures soccer balls with knife and throws out to hajji kids
>>has a giggle at their excitement turning to severe dissapointment

Wow. What a piece of shit.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 09 Apr 2013 02:33:32 No.15676759 Report

Quoted By: >>15676862

>>15669693
>Hey, she was probably happy to do it, since her culture's telling her it's her wifely duty and all. some crazy stuff over there.

You have not a single fucking clue what you're talking about.

>I took a class in college about gender roles in the middle east

Oh wow. Double fucking tarded.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 09 Apr 2013 02:40:13 No.15676862 Report

Quoted By: >>15676940 >>15677570

>>15676759
So then are you imminently more qualified than that guy?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 09 Apr 2013 02:45:30 No.15676940 Report

Quoted By:

>>15676862
Yes, a blind def retarded quadriplegic is more qualified.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 09 Apr 2013 03:11:22 No.15677323 Report

Quoted By:

>>15675796

wow. watch out for them lil ol ladies.... i mean thats like a vied. vaginal improvised exsplosionfromyourdickinformofpuss device....

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 09 Apr 2013 03:28:46 No.15677559 Report

Quoted By:

>>15676088

Fuck you, man :'(

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 09 Apr 2013 03:29:44 No.15677570 Report

Quoted By: >>15677859

>>15676862
>imminently

More qualified than you, you illiterate fuck.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 09 Apr 2013 03:52:10 No.15677859 Report

Quoted By:

>>15677570

you must be italian and have no fathers or grandfathers to hear war stories from. im sorry.

i will accept a tale of your grandmothers whoredom in the war instead.

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