>>1740912Back. Time for some criticism (this will take multiple posts):
>Autumn RedgateThis piece has already been picked apart quite a bit, so I'll try to avoid being redundant. To put it bluntly: I did not like it. The protagonist feels like an extremely cliche character, but I later realized (on a second re-read) that it was because you simply tried to push too much characterization onto the reader too quickly. The first person narration and intrusions of narrator commentary can work really well, if you try to keep it in moderation. As the reader, I pretty much know everything about Autumn (in terms of the type of character she is) from this first part, thereby making her a pretty flat character for the rest of the story.
On the contrary, Autumn's sister (the catalyst of the plot) receives very little insight into what sort of a person she is, thereby not making her a person at all. Hell, even Autumn's boss, a very minor character, elicits more sympathy from me! As a result, there just isn't any incentive for me to want to continue the story.
I hope you take these criticisms to heart (I know quite a few are harsh) and continue to improve your writing for the next issue.
