/r9k1/ - ROBOT9000 (Feb. 2008 - Jan. 2011)

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20KiB, 297x300, bathroom.jpg

bathroom stories

j !KDIfpRm7ag Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:23:48 No.12901068 View View Reply Original Report

>at uni
>sudden crazy urge to shit
>walk to nearest bathroom
>people in it
>exit bathroom
>next bathroom
>people in it
>exit bathroom
>continue trying to find empty bathroom for like 10 minutes
>finally found one
>shitting peacefully
>someone walks in
>quickly put feet in air so that bathroom appears empty
>hear guy pissing
>stop shitting and wait
>guy leaves
>shit
>finish shit, mission accomplished
>miss 31 minutes of class on bathroom adventure

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 23:02:00 No.12907062 Report

Quoted By: >>12907312

>road trip along west coast usa from sandiego to seattle
>exit interstate fwy in bumfuck redneck country bumpkin town in northern california
>need to shit, stop at wal mart in said town
>enter bathroom, witness toothless people and farmers everywhere in store on way to bthrm
>pass urinals, approaching stall
>fat old white farmer dude, overalls on the floor
>completely naked legs spread on toilet
>mumbles something out of his mouth
>i panic and run out, almost drop to floor my knees weak
>not sure how to erase image from brain,
>mfw my friend runs in the bathroom after I leave

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 23:12:00 No.12907149 Report

Quoted By: >>12907176 >>12907621

>>12906918
maybe find out what's in pauls bathroom. candy?

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 23:15:00 No.12907176 Report

Quoted By:

>>12907149

Gary Glitter

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 23:30:00 No.12907301 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901354

One of my biology professors told me about a case-study he read, some little kid was taking a shit in the school bathrooms and another kid walked in and said something like "DAYUM DASS RANK SON!", so the kid developed a fear of shitting and didn't shit for two weeks, he almost died of an obstructed bowel and he had to go to therapy for a couple of years.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 23:31:00 No.12907312 Report

Quoted By:

>>12907062
>road trip along west coast usa from sandiego to seattle

after reading that I already knew this ain't gonna end well.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 23:40:00 No.12907391 Report

Quoted By:

>at a public beach
>go to a porto-potty to take a piss
>they're ALL chock fucking full of shit
>fuck it, I need to piss
>inside it smells like the bastard offspring of Cthulhu and Beelzebuh
>take a piss while breathing with the mouth
>a kid we were going with seems me in, and he trollfaces
>he locks the stall from outside
>I am locked inside the foulest reeking place ever
>FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU---

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 23:43:00 No.12907413 Report

Quoted By:

>>12906351
Dude, I think that was fucking cholera. D:

>The posivist

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 23:49:00 No.12907459 Report

Quoted By:

>be senior in high school
>in weight training
>have to shit
>teacher too lazy to open locked clean bathrooms, have to go down hall
>one stall is out of commission, other has what reminded me of bear shit(black and full of debris) all over like someone had thrown it onwalls and toilet and it was everywhere
>go back to class tell teacher he doesnt believe me
>take him to bathroom
>he says "my god its like a bear shit in here"

iknowrite? opens clean bathroom for me to shit in peace in.

in same class:

>one rep squats
>hit 425
>halfway up dont think imma make it
>feel a turd poke out my butt
>freak out and instantly stand up in urgency
>rack weight and hobble to bathroom
>coach laughing at me

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 00:07:00 No.12907621 Report

Quoted By:

>>12907149

Paul's bog is just a white toilet and white sink with one of those tacky looking 'push to spray' airfreshners stuck to the wall.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 00:11:00 No.12907654 Report

Quoted By:

>go to bathroom
>no paper
>go to kitchen and grab the paper
>go back to bathroom
>shit
>clean
>go back to whatever i was doing

what a good story

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 00:20:00 No.12907731 Report

Quoted By:

> At Borders
> Need to shit
> Enter Men's Room
> Two old man hobo's exit single stall
> One goes to sink to wash mouth out and spit
> Other shuffles out with pants around ankles
> Nope

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 01:05:00 No.12908153 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901164
>implying this isn't common.
Who gives a fuck. Shut up and enjoy the thread faggot.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 01:12:00 No.12908201 Report

Quoted By:

>>12906683
some of mine not as hilarious as the others but well

>school need to poop
>be on toilet
>hear someone coming in, at the urinals
>press my palms do my mouth and make a fake fart
>awkward silence (me trying not to laugh)
>he bursts out laughing and I hear him almost tripping over because of laughing
>back in class he tells the story
>"guys guys guys, In the toilet just now, someone farted the nastiest wettest ass cheek flubbering fart you can imagine
>I come in
>he "WAS THAT YOU; GOD DAMN WHAT DID YOU EAT"
>me "just was my hands"
>yeah yeah fartman

mfw i had that name for a month

>be with a friend and 3 girls in a trailer
>have to poop REALLY BAD
>go to wc
>no window, door not really lockable, and a 2 cm crack between door and ground
>me .... damn now I need to shit SLOWLY
>start with ad "puuuhft"
>guyfriend "DUDE WHAT WAS THAT"
>girls "Are you pooping"
>pants up and out without shitting
>"No, I am nice and piss while sitting because of you girls, I just farted"
>1 girl "TMI"
>dont ask you silly hoe

mfw the other girls said "yeah dont ask a boy what he is doing on the toillet, U DUN WANNA NO"

same day
>friend to me .... "dude i need to shit really bad"
>"me too but that toilet in there has bad accustics for a manly shit"
>friend to girls: WHO WANTS ICECRAM
>girl 1 MEEE
>girl 2 MEEE
>girl 3 I am on a diet
>go from trailer to foodshack search toilets, 2 both free
>friend and I kept laughing our asses of (lol) because we sounded like a fucking fog horn
>go out with a face of relieve
>girls "You look refreshed"

after that I grabbed on girls ass, she still thinks it was a coincidence lol

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 01:24:00 No.12908305 Report

Quoted By: >>12908326

and one more for now
>ate something bad, have to take a massive dump
>wc1 closed for repairs until *date in 3 months*
>wc2 occupied
>down one floor wc3 open door, stink comes
nope
>again down one floor wc4 left side .... woa piss fucking everywhere rightside ok
>commence shitting
>someone comes in sees left side, almost throws up, rattles my door
>me trollfaced "dude, this one is taken"
>hear him storm out
>I fart that the walls start to shake, I start to laugh but gag because of the stench
>again someone comes in, laud gag noise slams door shut

dear god I swear, when I am farting while on the toilet it sounds like Gjallerhorn blowing for ragnarok

>have nasty shits because of some infection
>am at some restaurant
>need to use toilet
>ran in slam door shut
>nasty stench from farting and noises like liquid lava splashing into frozen water
>after cleaning I look at the mess
>words cant describe the horror
>flush
>toilet starts to overflow
go out with pokerface
while someone goes in behind me
hear a "WHA THE FUCK"

not me but I was at that party
1)
>girl passes out drunk in a bathroom, she has lockedherself in, screaming something about killing herself
>hosts panicking looking for second key
>open the door
>look at collaps girl with pants down
>she collapsed on the porcalin thrown toppled over and shat on the floor before it

their faces where priceless

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 01:25:00 No.12908326 Report

Quoted By:

>>12908305
i think same party, if not, same host
>Last day of 3 day party second day was obviously the worst in matters of alcohol
>host opens wc door, first screams, starts to laugh, slience, screaming laughter
>coming into living room, almost crying of laughter (but you could see she also was near raging)
>she "well RESPECT, someone managed it to shit BEHIND THE FUCKING BOWL, I dont know WHO that was or HOW they did it but, THERE IS FUCKING SHIT BEHIND THE FUCKING BOWL" dorps on the ground rolling on the floor laughing and raging the same time
> sobbing while laughing "someone REALLY has earned the title trick shitter"

what has to be added, the toilet room is quite narrow, space between bowl and wall, espacially the way behind the bowl, is smaller than any normal ass would be

this happened btw at a second party too, again in a small toilet room, different location same host

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 01:29:00 No.12908367 Report

Quoted By: >>12908551

>dont usually eat at mcdonalds
>eat at mc 4 days in a row
>have to take a shit
>only option a fast food restroom
>shit thick as a brick and dry as gunpowder
>sit there for 45 mins still nothing
>dumb story

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 01:40:00 No.12908501 Report

Quoted By:

>shit
>without remorse

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 01:45:00 No.12908551 Report

Quoted By:

>>12908367
>>dry as gunpowder

lololol
u guise

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 01:51:00 No.12908624 Report

Quoted By:

>read thread about shitting
>try to stifle laughs while in class
>compose self
>wonder if I have to take a shit

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 01:59:00 No.12908701 Report

Quoted By:

I've told this story before.

>3rd grade, have to shit
>ask teacher if i can go
>"no, class is still in session"
>wait 5 mins, ask again
>"I'm not going to tell you again!"
>wait another 5 mins
>cant hold it, bust out of classroom, run to restroom
>open stall, pull down pants, sit, shit
>forgot to pull down my underwear, shit all over ass
>try to clean off my ass with paper towels
>try to clean boxers in other toilete with clean water
>cant dry boxers with paper towels, fuckfuckfuck
>go commando( no underwear, just pants on)
>put boxers in pocket, walk back
>get yelled at by teacher, suddenly she looks at the ground with horror
>my brown stained damp boxers still emitting stench
>had a big hole in my pocket i forgot about. she gags
>I ran out crying.

horrible, burned into my MIND

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 02:00:00 No.12908708 Report

Quoted By:

>at party with friends
>in a field, no proper toilet facilities
>fine during the night
>wake up
>need a banging shit
>collect all my stuff, leave
>its like 7 in the morning
>realise im not gonna make it home
>shit by a bus stop

I regret nothing.

KlausVonArsche

KlausVonArsche Fri 14 Jan 2011 02:00:00 No.12908718 Report

Quoted By:

I have 2 stories
i was on a camping trip with my parents in the Belgium Ardennes, it was on a camping.
>swim the entire day in small creek
>suddenly at night feel pain in the stomach
>run to the public toilet
>litterally "paint" the wall of the toilet brown
>shit everywhere, even outside of the toilet,
>next day in the evening during a camp fire ,people where complaining about all the shit on the toilet.
>trollface, complain with them act like it wasn't me

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 02:09:00 No.12908791 Report

Quoted By:

I once saw a turd on the exposed plumbing part of a toilet. That means someone had to be squatting with their feet on the toilet lid.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 02:14:00 No.12908823 Report

Quoted By:

>see thread about shitting
>lol at ridiculous shit stories
>i am currently shitting
>not sure how weird it is to be laughing about shit whilst shitting

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1289015175305.jpg, 49KiB, 605x412

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 02:15:00 No.12908830 Report

Quoted By:

Bumpan for great justice

>mfw this thread

Fri 14 Jan 2011 02:20:00 No.12908886 Report

Quoted By:

>Take a dump
>Walk out
>Feel a sudden urge to take again

why

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 02:22:00 No.12908901 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901068
I'm taking a shit while writing this...

anyway... craziest bathroom story is when I got bored and did something stupid on a dare.

Metamucil is supposed to keep people regular... but, I ended up taking close to 20 doses of that stuff... its supposed to taste like orang and it goes down... what I ended up eating was gel. The next few days were the worst shits of my life... constipated.. terrible constipation until it would finally come out. The gel expanded in my intestines and came out like some blob from my ass... and it filled the toillete. I remember poking at it with a q-tip just to check the consistency and it was like GACK.. that crap from nickolodean or whatever..

I dont recommend anyone else trying this

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 03:26:00 No.12909612 Report

Quoted By:

Here's my favorite shit story. No greentext, too long.

alright. so I was in a canoe. the previous day, I had eaten spam for dinner. I am in the canoe all day and I have to shit. I try to hold it, because I can see the camp site 500m away.

NOPE

eventually i start addling to the side, and I manage to get my pants down, but shit through my boxers. I wipe up, stuff the shitty boxers into the plastic bag that had held my TP, and wash up a little, then I paddle the rest of the way to the campsite.

I get to the campsite, go up to the campfire, and toss the baggie into the firepit, douse it in gasoline and light it.

I guess now is as good a time as any to mention that there was some family eating lunch around the firepit. I didn't really give a shit, metaphorically speaking, because it was a reserved site and they weren't supposed to be there.

after that, I go and unpack my canoe. as I am doing so, my scoutmaster tells me to put out the flaming bag of shit, because apparently lighting a flaming bag of shit next to people trying to enjoy a meal is somewhat of a social faux pas. I dunno. it was in canada, I guess i don't know the local customs up there. so i put it out and remove it from the firepit, but instead of getting rid of the shitbag, i set it aside, and i lit it up again when i was done setting up camp. I swear to god, it smelled just like really good barbecue. it was the strangest thing.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 06:14:00 No.12911941 Report

Quoted By:

>taking shit while I was younger
>cat slides through door, leaving it open
>cant reach door
>pet cat while shitting
>dad walks by
>WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING M, SHUT THE GOD DAMN DOOR WHILE YOU'RE ON THE TOILET
>silently cry while petting the cat

copypasta like a boss and doesn't give a fuck

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 06:22:00 No.12912066 Report

Quoted By:

Navy boot camp 2005
Literrary NO doors on the stalls to prevent fapping.
Shitting like a boss and making small talk with the person across.

Some hardcore fuckers even just fapped away when there was a small chance of someone walking in.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 06:54:00 No.12912471 Report

Quoted By:

you guys would hate me im the bathroom troll to do things like

>turn the lights off when someone in there
>stand in the cubical doing nothgn when there are people waiting
>walk in with a chub, so my dick looks huge, go to urinal look to the guy to the left of me, glance down, back at him and wink
>trollface.jpg

>start reading this thread
>lololololol
>why do i need to shit now?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 07:01:00 No.12912554 Report

Quoted By:

i want this archived so i can fucking read it again.
i love /r9k/. please archive everyone.
12901068
12901068
12901068
http://4chanarchive dot org/
12901068

toots

toots Fri 14 Jan 2011 07:31:00 No.12912899 Report

Quoted By:

ARCHIVE NOW, or else
>do it

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1294780097556.jpg, 35KiB, 400x231

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 07:39:00 No.12912975 Report

Quoted By:

>Work in paint department
>Feel like pissing, but wash my paint covered hands first
>Black lady next to me washing hands desperately, in a rush to leave
>wtf?
>She leaves and I go into nearest stall
>Shit smeared all over the toilet seat
>Gag and run out of the bathroom

That was just NASTY

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 08:01:00 No.12913210 Report

Quoted By:

>dropped acid at club the other night
>lines of MDMA
>drink lots of beer and need to piss
>go to urinal
>too many drugs, can't remember how to urinate, nothing happening (drugfags will know what I'm talking about
>guy standing next to me
>his face when I stand there yelling, "COME ON! DO SOMETHING" at my penis

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 08:05:00 No.12913249 Report

Quoted By:

I really want to masturbate on a public toilet seat or take a shit on the floor. Next time I'm in public...

Anonymous

noko

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 08:14:00 No.12913355 Report

Quoted By:

>sitting in class
>have to shit, BAD.
>run to bathroom.
>realease a massive river of black shit into the toilet.
>look to my right, no fucking tp.
>one less sock

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 08:21:00 No.12913442 Report

Quoted By:

>Take shit in bathroom
>Sort of friend is in next stall over
>He says "Ah man Anon, taking a shit is the best feeling in the world
>

My god, he's absolutely right

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 08:38:00 No.12913603 Report

Quoted By: >>12913793 >>12913840

>On toilet
>Attempting to shit
>Isn't fucking coming out
>Fuck no this shit is coming out right fucking now
>I'm not walking around all day until the shit can no longer be contained
>My asshole needs to be vacant goddamn it
>Still isn't coming out
>Resign myself to my fate
>Insert finger in vagina
>Push shit out
>Mission accomplished

I'm fairly certain I'm the only chick who does this.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 08:53:00 No.12913793 Report

Quoted By: >>12913864

>>12913603

You'd think so, but...

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 08:56:00 No.12913812 Report

Quoted By:

I like to find uncrowded bathrooms at work because they're generally less gross and its unlikely that someone walks in to let some monster nasty shit out.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 08:58:00 No.12913840 Report

Quoted By: >>12913864

>>12913603
>I'm fairly certain I'm the only chick who does this.

you_must_be_new_here.tiff

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 09:01:00 No.12913864 Report

Quoted By:

>>12913793
>>12913840
Dammit. I must lurk more in poop threads then.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 09:12:00 No.12913983 Report

Quoted By:

>best friend (girl) lives down the street
>walk down, gonna say hai and chill
>halfway there, get terrible shitpains
>fucking SPRINT to her house
>charge in and run to the bathroom, oh hai my gf is there too, sup? gotta shit brb
>in there for 20 min ploppin' out little hard turds that leave unimaginably horrible stains on my ass.
>no tp. so i'm at my best friend's house, shitting unannounced, with my gf there
>eventually have to yell for her to bring me some tp after trying to wipe my ass with snotty tissues and even considering a towel to save from the embarassment
>universe: "lolnope, no glory 4 u"

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 09:16:00 No.12914018 Report

Quoted By:

>bored as FUCK in class
>keep getting boners
>go into bathroom and jack off
>no more boners :)

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 09:20:00 No.12914057 Report

Quoted By:

> At morning swim practice
> decide to try eating breakfast before my swim
> first 20 minutes feel fine
> we start doing heavy core work
> my stomach grumbles
> feel the pressure in my bowels increasing
> ohgodimustreleasethebeast
> sprint 50 meters to the other side faster than i have ever swam before
> run into bathroom, coach yells"Hey! where are you going?!"
>I ignore him, i'm on a mission.
>Get in handicap bathroom stall for man-shitting purposes
> Push. I feel my butt stretching with every inch
> It comes out
> I look on toilet seat and it turns out i missed
>clean it up and go home

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 10:13:00 No.12914601 Report

Quoted By:

>12 or 13, with family on trip to the city
>Eat lunch at the Cracker Barrel; chicken fried steak - om nom nom
>Later, go shopping for school clothes
>Walking around store, feeling good
>Suddenly, diarrhea!
>Head to bathroom, several people in there - FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU
>Screw it, second stall is unoccupied
>Noisily evacuate my bowels, stench is pretty bad
>Hear several people come in and out
>Wait until I'm sure bathroom is empty before leaving
>Find family, Dad makes a smartass comment like "Everything come out all right?"
>Mumble something like "Must've been the gravy."

I haven't eaten at any Cracker Barrel since.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 12:02:00 No.12915738 Report

Quoted By:

Not much of a story, but thought I'd share:

>Suffer from regular constipation from a bad diet
>At work
>Have to take monstrous shit
>Run to bathroom
>Most painful shit ever, felt like was getting fisted by a heavyweight boxer
>Look in bowl
>Glorious giant turd rising out of the water
>Name it Ploptimus Prime
>Take a picture on phone
>Show it to all my friends and family

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 15:12:00 No.12917179 Report

Quoted By:

>leaving campus
>head in to bathroom for piss before hour-long transit ride back home
>no one at any urinal, perfect
>take my pic
>dude comes in with his little girl
>girl sees my dick
>stares for 10 seconds, silent
>then "DADDY HE'S PEEPEEING ON THE WALL"
>whole building hears that i have presented myself to a 4 year-old
>now freaking out everytime i see a black van following me

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 15:13:00 No.12917185 Report

Quoted By:

i took a huge shit once, ended up clogging the fucking toilet. Had to put bags on my hand and break up the shit so it would flush.

I was pissed.

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