Post the ways your parents trolled you, /r9k/

>Be 16
>boyfriendless
>never started schlicking anyway
>my mom forces me to listen to "the talk" one day driving
>she pulls us over to one of those seedy sex toy shops and forces me to buy a dildo
>Tells me schlicking will make me less bitchy and be more attractive
>awkward as fuck rest of trip

>come back home
>hide dildo in my room and forget about it
>mother says nothing at first
>mfw the dildo was tucked neatly in my bed on the pillow one morning
>mfw
>hide that shit better
>come back a week later to see it perfectly tucked in
>wtf mom

cont...

I haven't been here in a while, do we still do misogyny?

Girlfriend cancelled on a trip out of state with me earlier in the year because she felt it would be too intense meeting my family for the first time whilst staying with them. That's cool, I was a little bitter but I got over it. She asked me last week if she could go on an overnight Wine tasting trip with her good friend the Ex sometime this summer, because it was something she promised before they amicably broke up. Sure, I said, I can deal with that.

Found out two hours ago that within a day of clearing with me how okay I was with her taking the aforementioned trip she got him to book a four day weekend at a romantic lakeside spot down south, beginning a week after I leave and ending about three days before I get back. AND of course I found out through in such a way that I can't directly confront her about it without forfeiting the moral high-ground...

I only have two points of consolation: 1) The booking included the addition of a single bed to the room and 2) We're going to get a misogynistic "bitch cheated on me" thread going as catharsis.

Tell me your most soul crushing stories of betrayal Arcanine by that girl you trusted the most. The very worst of the worst.

i have a tale for you r9k.
>be in college
>black girl i barely know asks me to sing "love the way you lie" with her in talent show
>"why me?" I say
>"cus' your da only white guy i know!"
>dont know how to feel about this
>agree to it as i owe her one since she stopped a big black dude from attacking me once
>date arrives
>she walks on stage in a shitty rihanna lookalike costume
>she sings start of song in her own voice, its ok
>i walk on stage in a wifebeater and black trackies
>i cant rap so i just lip sync to it
>make random hand movements i saw a rapper make once
>girls actually SCREAM when i walk on stage and rap
>am not sure if they are doing it because it looks good or because i look like a retard
>win talent show because everyone else was shit
>all girls are trying to talk to me and saying i was awesome
>half of the girls are giving me phone numbers

what the fuck? girls LIKE shit like that?

Hello /r9k/

I got back from college a couple of hours ago and i had a good day!
i dont know if you remember me from my last thread so i've posted the start of the last thread in the side image.
First i will tell you what happened in my day, then i will ask questions and ask for advice.
well as mentioned in the last thread we have texted and agreed to meet at the fountain outside of college at the beginning of the day, and talked a little about class, she smiled when she first saw me so i think thats a good sign.
I decided not to sit next to her in class lest i appear creepy, but when i sat down in my normal spot she sat next to ME!
so anyway when the lunch hour came up i did what some of you suggested and sked her if she wanted to go to a cafe.
we went to a local one i've seen before (never been inside before though) i had a hot chocolate and so did she.
she told me about how she moved here a couple of months ago, and had to leave her friends behind and how it made her sad.
she also said she really liked it here and that she thought things were going pretty well.
I tried to make comments at points where they sounded right and it seemed to work well, but then she asked me what my life was like and i didn't know what to say without her realizing something was wrong with me, i didn't have a real friend until i was 17 and telling her that didn't sound like a good idea at all.

so i avoided the question by giving her a vague response, i told her it was "pretty average" and i think she was satisfied with that... cant be sure though.

after that we talked some more about a few topics, politics, class, and movies. once again im pretty sure i rambled a little whenever i explained something but i tried to stop myself whenever i felt it was starting to get too much.

this will be continued in the next post.

I finally got revenge.

Back story. 2 years ago I was robbed. I was a small time drug dealer taking advantage of a huge amphetamine rush. I managed to make 12k profit in 2 months. I could get ahold of this stuff at 2-3 a gram and sell it on for 20 and this shit sold fast. 5-15 sales on any weekday with as many as 50-80 on the weekend.

Prices were looking to go up so I was going to make a huge buy. Invest 10 of my 12k and get enough to last me a long time for dirt cheap. If I did my maths right I would have 130k worth of this shit at street level.

I dont know how but people found out. I put the money in a box in the back of my car and went back inside to get my Ipod since it was going to be a long drive. In those 2-3 minutes I was inside someone smashed the window, grabbed the box and vanished. They must have been following me waiting to make their move, I wouldnt be suprised if they were planning to stab me.

Word gets around though and I find out who did it, but I play it off cool. I pretend like I dont know, let it all die down.

Well after almost 2 years I finally got him. I went to a party he was going to. I spiked him like no other person had been spiked.

I put paracetamol in everything I could. I cut cocaine with it and sold it to him. I put it in all of his drinks. He was trashed, so I helped him out by getting him a drink of water, with 4-5 tablets in. When he finally passed out I dropped crushed more up and poured it in his mouth.

I must of made him take somewhere between 14-18 tablets spread through the night. He didnt wake up and no one has a clue.

Still, I wish I just wasnt robbed.

Any femanons want to meet up for Christmas and let me watch them sit on bread?

You don't have to be naked or even be particularly good looking (no offense). I just want to watch a cute young butt flattening a loaf of bread in front of me.

I've had a rough year and this would really help lift up my spirits. Thank you.

ITT: We ask questions about trivial facts and see if other anons can answer them. Why use google when you can use 4chan?

I'll start. Why does eating mint make air and water seem colder than it is?

ITT: Times when someone really rustled your jimmies

>be nerdy kid in high school
>be in malt shop
>cute girl in poodle skirt
>approach and ask if I can buy her an egg cream
>shes pretty keen and she says yes
>I think it's neat that she said yes and Doc whips her up an egg cream
>greaser comes in
>Doc puts egg cream on counter
>he takes the egg cream and gives it to the girl
>he took my egg cream
>let him know that he's really rustling my jimmies
>he laughs at me an pours the egg cream on me
>not neat
>alone at dance

Jimmies Status:
[ ]-Not Rustled
[X]- Rustled

>masturbate to pictures of a chick from facebook
>ah, that was satisfying
>check e-mail
>get e-mail from university saying she perished last night in a car wreck

Oh god, what the fuck

ITT share your drug experiences.

>first time doing mdma
>listening to music, feels awesome man
>suddenly get horny
>put on first porn video i see
>22 mins, end up watching it over and over for 4 hours
>save it to hard drive thinking it was the greatest thing ever
>watch it again another day
>meh

having said that, best orgasm ever.