/r9k1/ - ROBOT9000 (Feb. 2008 - Jan. 2011)

[170 / 0 / ?]

20KiB, 297x300, bathroom.jpg

bathroom stories

j !KDIfpRm7ag Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:23:48 No.12901068 View View Reply Original Report

Quoted By: >>12901261 >>12902512 >>12908901

>at uni
>sudden crazy urge to shit
>walk to nearest bathroom
>people in it
>exit bathroom
>next bathroom
>people in it
>exit bathroom
>continue trying to find empty bathroom for like 10 minutes
>finally found one
>shitting peacefully
>someone walks in
>quickly put feet in air so that bathroom appears empty
>hear guy pissing
>stop shitting and wait
>guy leaves
>shit
>finish shit, mission accomplished
>miss 31 minutes of class on bathroom adventure

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:26:00 No.12901091 Report

Quoted By:

>shit
feelsgoodman.png

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:26:00 No.12901102 Report

Quoted By:

>>someone walks in
>>quickly put feet in air so that bathroom appears empty

Why the fuck would you do that?

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:27:00 No.12901105 Report

Quoted By:

>sitting there perfectly normal
>feel rumble in stomach
>sudden urge to shit
>gets worse
>sprint down hallway
>trip over cat
>harder and harder to hold in
>i make it
>painful first expulsion then mostly liquid and easy to get out
>feels really gross and makes bad noises
>lasts five min
>finally over
>look to my right
>no tp

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:30:00 No.12901146 Report

Quoted By: >>12901274

>purposely pick college dorm that has toilets in separate rooms instead of stalls because of this exact reason
>shit peacefully

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:31:00 No.12901164 Report

Quoted By: >>12908153

>>12901121

I suppose that makes sense. I mean, if someone knew that you were shitting in a bathroom, they'd think you're a freak. And it's a slippery slope from there. Before you know it, all kinds of crazy rumours get spread. "Hey, I heard anon was buying FOOD from a CAFE yesterday." "I know. His most shameful secret is every Tuesday he goes to the cinema and watches movies." "What a freak."

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:31:00 No.12901171 Report

Quoted By:

>Need to shit
>Go shit
>Other people in there
>We all shit together
I seriously dont get what your deal is OP.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:32:00 No.12901177 Report

Quoted By:

>> want to shit
>> shit

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:32:00 No.12901178 Report

Quoted By:

>have to take a dump
>friend stops at gas station
>squat over the toilet
>take massive fucking dump
>literal huge pile of shit right on the edge of the toilet seat
>as i'm walking out the janitor is walking in

guy must have had the worst night of his life.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:32:00 No.12901184 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901121
OP, I found this book, http://www.amazon.com/Everyone-Poops-My-Body-Science/dp/0916291456 , it should help you. Next time just look for a toilet that someone isn't currently sitting on.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:34:00 No.12901198 Report

Quoted By:

>walk into bathroom at work
>nope.jpg
>shit everywhere in the stall
>go up one floor
>nope.jpg
>piss on the seat
>go up another floor
>pristine, nice smelling, heaven
>destroy it all with an Aturdic Bomb
>go back down to my floor
>get yelled at for being away from my station for 20 minutes
>feelsgoodman

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:36:00 No.12901210 Report

Quoted By: >>12901231 >>12906534

Not really a story, but I can't piss if someone's in the room or within a 10 foot vicinity. Doesn't matter if I'm straight sober or drunk as fuck, the moment someone gets near me I can't pee for anything. And it's not that I'm self conscious either because I've got one of the biggest penis' out of my group of friends. Wish I knew a quick fix to this cause shit sucks when I'm at a party and a friend will pop in to do something while I'm doing my business.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:37:00 No.12901222 Report

Quoted By:

Wait all 2 horus of class to go to bathroom. I'm cramping really bad due to the amount of diarrhea. Run to bathroom. Shit the brightest green shit I've ever done seen. Be late for class next period across campus.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:38:00 No.12901231 Report

Quoted By: >>12901306

>>12901210

So, you're not self conscious, you're just self conscious about the size of your penis. That makes sense.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:38:00 No.12901241 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901211
Haha, you got to love military life, they will be bros for life.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:39:00 No.12901249 Report

Quoted By: >>12901257 >>12901969

>>12901211

Why the hell would they take away the curtains?

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:40:00 No.12901257 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901249
Just part of the process I would assume..

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:40:00 No.12901258 Report

Quoted By:

>enter a seemingly empty public restroom
>choose stall
>start peeing
>hear pooping noises from the stall next to me
>curse my luck for choosing a stall next to a stealth pooper
>do it 3 times in one day

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:40:00 No.12901261 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901068

what the fuck OP why do you do that? is it autism or something?

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:41:00 No.12901268 Report

Quoted By: >>12901326 >>12901354 >>12906638

Ahaha, OP, you're not alone. I noticed this one kid who would always be sitting in the stall doing nothing no matter how long I was in there. So I used to troll the shit out of him. I'd follow him into the bathroom and just wash my hands for a reeeeaaalllly long time. Or I'd stand in the stall next to him, not doing anything, for, like, 5 minutes.

One time I pretended to leave just so I could hear him shit. Sure enough, the second I opened and closed the door, the noises started. It was fuckin hilarious, not because "LOL HE'S POOPIN" but because he would only poop when no one else was in there. He was a fuckin machine.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:41:00 No.12901274 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901146
>let the privacy of my bathrooms determine the most important educational institution choice I will ever make

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:41:00 No.12901276 Report

Quoted By:

>at gym
>took fish oil for the first time yesterday (gives diarrhea if you have to much, which i did)
>get the feeling of needing to shit but dont want to crap at the gym so i try to hold it
>at furthest end of gym when suddenly i feel that it's going to just explode out of me
>walk quickly why clenching as hard as i can
>just make it to toilet, as i pull my pants down it begins and i shit a little on the back of the toilet seat
>my entire load flows out in about 3 seconds

fastest dirtiest shit ever, only time ive ever crapped on the toilet seat

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:43:00 No.12901286 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901211

that sounds hardcore, you're hardcore.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:44:00 No.12901297 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901283
you think someone in the navy would spend time looking for a tripcode that says navy? no, only someone who had a fantasy about being in the navy would do that

ALSO NAVYFAGS DONT GO TO BOOTCAMP PUSSY

and it isnt 2 months long either
god you're a bad fake

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:44:00 No.12901298 Report

Quoted By:

>Take really stinky shits
>been getting criticized by family for years because of it
>terribly embarrased by it
>Am now unable to shit in private restrooms because people will know it's me
>love empty public bathrooms

feels batman when I go to friends houses and have an urge to shit, but I can't.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:45:00 No.12901306 Report

Quoted By: >>12901322

>>12901231

Maybe you should check to make sure what self conscious means before posting. I'm aware of my above average penis. I don't think about it constantly, nor really care too much about it. The only reason it's size was brought to my attention was when my friends mentioned how big it was. Self conscious is an acute awareness of ones self, most often in an unpleasant manner. That's not me bro. I'm happy with my body, I just can't piss when people are around me.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:46:00 No.12901322 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901306
on /r9k/ everyone is either a GURRRLLLL or a 10 foot dick wielding superman

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:46:00 No.12901323 Report

Quoted By:

>7th grade
>teachers going over "important" paper
>ask if i go to the nurses office (cleanest place to shit)
>teacher doesn't let me, he wants everyone here
>tell him its an emergency
>still wont let me go
>can't take it anymore
>walk out because im a g.
>shit
>come back & sit down
>after he asks if i want to go now
>told him i already went
>he gets pissed at me
feelssoogoodman.jpg

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:47:00 No.12901326 Report

Quoted By: >>12901394

>>12901268

Fuck you man. Seriously. That's not cool. A man is most vulnerable when he is:

A) In the barber's chair
B) In the dentist's chair
C) On the toilet.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:49:00 No.12901351 Report

Quoted By: >>12901426

>>12901329
I think what he meant to say was
"How many dicks have you sucked?"
if you are really in the Navy that is.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:49:00 No.12901354 Report

Quoted By: >>12907301

>>12901268

you should waited for the noises to start and then yelled really loudly "EVERY COME QUICK <name> is POOIN"

you could probably give him ptsd and make him die form constipation or something lulzy to that effect

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:50:00 No.12901366 Report

Quoted By: >>12901387

LESS NAVY HATE/SHIT
MORE SHIT...
STORIES

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:52:00 No.12901387 Report

Quoted By: >>12901408

>>12901366
>>12901329
samefaggot
fuck navy go army

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:52:00 No.12901389 Report

Quoted By:

>in highschool
>go to bathroom to piss
>while pissing kid is going to town on that toilet.
>sooo loud
>hes alpha as fuck.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:53:00 No.12901394 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901326
I gained so much respect for him after, though. I'd smile at him whenever I'd see him. I really liked that kid, even though he was a neurotic asspie. I think I actually loved him in a weird bromance kind of way. We never said a word to each other, but we bonded together in the bathroom like that. He was a legend in my mind, and I give him so much respect. I fuckin love that kid.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:53:00 No.12901408 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901387
differentfaggot.
im a faggot who likes stories (:

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 3.jpg, 48KiB, 356x317

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:55:00 No.12901426 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901351

>17 y/o cousin comes to visit
>he plans on joining the navy
>exited as fuck about it
>talks about it all the time
>even has two books about navy operations
>I tell him he's a faggot
>he says "no, all the queers are in the army"'
>I'm like lolfag
>he finally joins the navy
>quits after 2 weeks
>my betting he was molested
>mfw

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 10:59:00 No.12901488 Report

Quoted By: >>12901505 >>12901570

THIS LITERALLY JUST HAPPENED.
>taking a shit
>notice a menacing spider scurrying around on the ground
>get some toilet paper
>squash dat spider
> lift up toilet paper
>spider still alive, tries to scurry away
>"oh no you don't"
>squash it again
>lift toilet paper while holding onto the spider inside
>open
>FUCKING SPIDER'S STILL ALIVE
>OH FUCK ITS SCURRYING ON MY LEG
>OH FUCK, NOW ITS JUMPED INTO THE PANTS AROUND MY ANKLES
>Do not want to put those pants on ever again

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:00:00 No.12901500 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901413
while we are out saving the world from towelheads you're sitting on your ships and in your planes sucking each others dicks and practicing gridiron in between gay buttsex orgies, thats why

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:01:00 No.12901505 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901488
And yeah, I'm Australian.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:03:00 No.12901537 Report

Quoted By:

Fuck I would love to find someone like you and just torment you from behind the door.

I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE TAKING A SHIT and rattle the door. Leave for 15 seconds then come back in and hammer on the door going BLUUGGGHHH.

And the best part is you would have no idea who it was.

faggot

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 0407002015.jpg, 446KiB, 1600x1200

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:04:00 No.12901552 Report

Quoted By: >>12901587 >>12901931

ooooh i've always wanted to share this picture with my fellow robots. pic taken approximately a year ago.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:05:00 No.12901570 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901488
What about spiders under the toilet seat that crawl into your ass, bite you, and lay eggs up there while you shit?

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:06:00 No.12901581 Report

Quoted By:

>eat spicy wings at pluckers
>next day I am running around campus
>sudden fiery sensation in the rectal area
>sprint into first building
>hook a right, trying to walk fast without sprinting and trying not to look like a twat who is squeezing his ass cheeks together with the strength of 1000 men
>can't find bathroom
>take the stairs down a floor
>loop the entire fucking floor
>no bathroom
>go back upstairs
>mfw if I had turned left instead of right when i first entered building, it was the first fucking door
>sprint in doors
>both shitters are taken
>dancing like a gigantic twat pocket in a men's bathroom
>stall door opens
>almost knock a hoe down getting in there
>unleash the perfect storm upon the toilet
>can barely move after taking a flaming hot poo that was probably the most orgasmic poo one has ever taken
>eventually get up and finish my run

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:06:00 No.12901587 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901552
thats terrable (cleveland accent)

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:09:00 No.12901637 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901593
an entire toilet paper roll that i managed to pull out of the casing.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:10:00 No.12901644 Report

Quoted By:

>Fatass in 8th grade
>Bowel issues
>Walk into the bathroom, it's full of people
>NOPE NOPE NOPE
>walk back out

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:10:00 No.12901645 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901593
Navy General Orders go as follows:
1. Suck dick
2. I can't think of anything else

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:14:00 No.12901695 Report

Quoted By: >>12901704

okay so i have a question. ill walk into a stall sometimes and see the the biggest nastiest turd just sitting there in the water. just a turd, no tp at all. sometimes toilets full of shit. wtf is going on. the stand is full of tp, just none in the toilet.

what. the. fuck. are there people out there that get off with not wiping, or what?

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:14:00 No.12901704 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901695
i troll people like that by throwing the tp away.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:18:00 No.12901757 Report

Quoted By: >>12901813

>2 years ago
>shit
>see some blood on tp
>wtf
>8 months later
>more blood, asshole irritation
>finally see doctor
>asks about my diet
>she says not enough fiber
>doctor wants to stick finger in my asshole to check for hemeroids
>well shes a girl, kinda hot, whatever ok
>puts on glove and dips finger in petrouleum jelly
>oh god
>bend over
>she jams finger up my asshole and kind of fingers it
>felt like 5 minutes
>more like 30 long weird seconds
>grunt from weird asshole fingering feeling
>shes done
>says she didnt feel anything
>concludes i have internal anal fissures
>basically little cracks that bleed
>tells me to increase fiber and gives me asshole cream
>still bleed even with perfect diet
>sometimes fap to memory of doctor fingering me

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:21:00 No.12901809 Report

Quoted By:

>New neighbor
>I go over to her house
>We start hanging out and there's a power outage
>Her mom comes in and makes up alphagetti over the fire
>She goes to take a dump
>Her mom suddenly asks her about how her poo is going
>She calls back " I'm about one log done and I've got another on the way. "
>We all start laughing
>She comes out and we eat our alphagetti while laughing together

That was the coolest, and most chill house hold I have ever been in. It was the first time I was there, too. Kinda which she hadn't of moved.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:22:00 No.12901813 Report

Quoted By: >>12901847

>>12901757
>sometimes fap to memory of doctor fingering me
The story was funny enough without it, but I completely lost it at the last line.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:24:00 No.12901847 Report

Quoted By: >>12901904

>>12901813
well not sometimes... more like just once.
but i felt pretty awkward afterwards and waned to an hero.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:28:00 No.12901904 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901847
>an hero
why

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:31:00 No.12901931 Report

Quoted By: >>12902201

>>12901552

oh god, is that at WSU?

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:32:00 No.12901943 Report

Quoted By: >>12902014

>walk into the bathroom
>see a guy in one of the stalls
>take the one next to him
>strike up a conversation with him.
>can hear the uneasiness in his voice

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:33:00 No.12901960 Report

Quoted By: >>12902000

I feel bad for not contributing to the thread, but I just felt like I had to mention how much better /r9k/ has gotten since the creation of /soc/. Never really seen a board turn around like this before.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:34:00 No.12901969 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901249
Can't exactly have full privacy shitting whilst out in the frontline now can we?

Also to probably build bro status between recruits. If you're comfortable shitting around someone then you're comfortable doing whatever around them, I suppose

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:37:00 No.12902000 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901960
It's either a blessing or a curse in disguise...

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:38:00 No.12902014 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901943
Oh god, got a story.
>taking a dump
>guy walks into bathroom
>takes stall next to me
>tries to strike up conversation with like "hey, what's up with you?"
>respond with "sorry, taking a dump, can't here you over my bowels"
>"wait, what?"
>start making incredibly loud motorcycle revving noises every time he speaks and yell about how angry my ass is
>he finishes first

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:41:00 No.12902057 Report

Quoted By:

>Go to stall
>Notice that someone wrote "people shit on the floor all the time. Be a man and shit on the ceiling
>shat on the ceiling
>Take that faggot who wrote that
>Alpha as fuck

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:49:00 No.12902175 Report

Quoted By:

>Walk into bathroom
>see roach
>leave bathroom

I'll hold it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:51:00 No.12902201 Report

Quoted By: >>12903328

>>12901931

>WSU
>Washington State University?
>wat

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:52:00 No.12902219 Report

Quoted By:

Tangentially related:

>Taking a shit in dorm's public bathroom
>While doing so, 3 people, one after the other take a piss at nearby urinal
>EVERY ONE OF THEM audibly grunts and farts before I actually hear the piss hit the urinal
>When 3rd guy does it, I lose my shit (both figuratively and literally) and start laughing hysterically
>Guy tries to put this on me, says "Oooookaaay . . . "
>hatersgonnahate.docx

Please tell me if this is standard pissing procedure for you guys, I thought it was hilarious that it took that much effort to start to pee.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 11:54:00 No.12902248 Report

Quoted By:

>Go to bathroom in Wal-Mart.
>Taking a piss.
>2 women enter the bathroom.
>From the sound of their conversation and voices, they sound black.
>They each take the stalls beside me, so I'm in between them.
>One of them yells to the other, "GIRL, YOU TAKIN A SHIT?"
>The other replies, "HELL YEAH, GUUUUURRRRRLLL. I'MMA TEXT SHAY WHILE I'M HURR."
>"TELL THAT BITCH SHE TRIPPIN'."

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 12:05:00 No.12902380 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901404

I just died from this, can't stop laughing

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 12:15:00 No.12902498 Report

Quoted By:

>Pissing in stall because urinals are full
>Can't get full stream going
>Bathroom goers can hear the sissy piss hitting the water in toilet
>"They probably think I have a small or dysfunctional penis"
>Get more nervous
>Stream goes trickle; on and off
>Takes five minutes to empty bladder
>Every fucking time

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 12:15:00 No.12902502 Report

Quoted By: >>12902920

OMFG /r9k/ is the best FUCKING place on the internet hands down, moar lulz here than ANY other site EVAR. I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU PPL WHO MAKE SHIT LIKE THIS HAPPEN <3 got no wierd shit stories >.> well one day im planning to start yelling at a guy in a stall then run into the stall door and scream alooot but that's it. Peace out love you all. <3

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 12:15:00 No.12902512 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901068
>go into stall
>start to shit
>look up
>someone wrote something on the door
>"as i sit here broken hearted, tried to shit and only farted"
>made my day.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1228209544708.jpg, 14KiB, 522x396

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 12:21:00 No.12902567 Report

Quoted By:

>at college sitting in cafeteria just after eating lunch
>suddenly have to shit
>take what must be the biggest dump in my entire life
>fill the bowl so much that the shit mound is almost touching my ass
>I know there's no way this toilet's flush is powerful enough to put a dent in this mountain, but I flush anyway
>go back to my table which has the restroom door in view
>fifteen minutes elapse as other guys enter and leave the restroom
>janitor comes out of nowhere and runs into the bathroom in a hurry with a plunger and a worried look
>my face

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 12:23:00 No.12902582 Report

Quoted By:

>NIGGA YOU JUST GOT CAUGHT TAKING A SHIT!

Please tell me someone remembers this

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 12:27:00 No.12902645 Report

Quoted By:

>am shitting in basement bathroom
>some asshole comes in to piss
>knows im shitting in there
>turns off light
>rage

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 12:34:00 No.12902744 Report

Quoted By:

>College
>Get back from class at around 1
>The janitors always start cleaning around then
>Have to shit
>See janitor working on upstairs bathroom
>Use "secret" bathroom in basement
>Halfway through shitting, the janitor walks in
>Makes a 180 and walks straight out
>After I get done, I walk outside
>Same janitor is waiting outside giving me the stink eye as I pass

Fuck that guy. Not my fault my intestines get all worked up the same time they start work.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 12:48:00 No.12902920 Report

Quoted By: >>12903330

>>12902502
underage B&

Really obvious.
Don't pollute this board please.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 13:03:00 No.12903057 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901211
gj military for living up to your reputation of being completely fucking retarded

fat monty

top the mother fuckers

fat monty Thu 13 Jan 2011 13:26:00 No.12903269 Report

Quoted By:

>> I don't like using public toilets
>> I moved to the college dorms
>> Didn't take a shit for a week.
>> Day 7: I HAVE TO POO
>> run to crapper
>> no stall doors
>> "fuck it, this can't wait"
>> Take MASSIVE shit (in doorless stall)
>> one giant turd that "kur-plunked" into the bottom of toilet
>>does a curly-q in the bowl and sticks strait up past the seat
>> wipe ass
>> bleeding profusely
>> flush... does nothing but spin turd
>> flush again...
>> again...
>> again...
>> again...
>> "FUCKING LOW FLOW BASTARD!!!"
>> kick the shit out of toilet (pardon the pun).
>> standing there, pants around my ankles kicking toilet
>> yell "I AM MAN!!!"
>> in walks dorm supervisor

I got kicked out of the dorm 2 days later and had to pay to replace the toilet because I was wearing steel-toes and broke it

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 13:33:00 No.12903328 Report

Quoted By:

>>12902201

yeah, that WSU

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 13:33:00 No.12903330 Report

Quoted By:

>>12902920

leave the guy alone, he's spreading good vibes - unlike you you lonely pathetic asswipe

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 13:34:00 No.12903334 Report

Quoted By: >>12903418 >>12903496

>Fraternity fundraiser at Buffalo Wild Wings
>My pledge class decides to do blazing wings challege
>12 of hottest wings they make in 6 minutes
>Spice is so bad it makes face go numb.
>Go to bed that night, taking 2 tums and glass of milk
>Wake up in middle of the night, 2 more Tums tablets and another glass of milk to help calm stomach.
>Wake up in the morning with a burning sensation in stomach
>Take shit in horror as asshole is lit ablaze by undigested spices.
>Immediately jump in the shower and let water blast asshole for 10 minutes straight to douse the flame
>Talk with pledge class that day.
>Group Consensus: Worst shit of life

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 13:43:00 No.12903418 Report

Quoted By:

>>12903334
>eat spice
>never had a "hot shit"

u jelly?

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 13:44:00 No.12903425 Report

Quoted By:

>need to piss at school
>go into bathroom
>recognize the anorexic thin legs of a mentally challenged kid at school
>his ass is exploding

nope.jpg

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 13:48:00 No.12903455 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901211

My jimmies were thoroughly rustled at this one

Anonymous

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Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 13:50:00 No.12903481 Report

Quoted By: >>12903574 >>12903664 >>12903700

> Get to work at 3 AM, nobody else is around.
> Midnight coffee kicks in, gotta shit!
> Huge turd, but first wipe is totally clean.
> About to say "score!" and flush it when a thought strikes me
> Reach into wallet pull out packet of salt I accidentally grabbed instead of sugar when I got coffee
> Sprinkle salt on the poo, throw paper and empty salt packet in garbage can
> Leave without flushing.
> Go back two hours later (still nobody around)
> Salt has made the turd absorb water and double in size

IT'S ALIIIIIIIIVE!

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 13:52:00 No.12903496 Report

Quoted By:

>>12903334

hello buffalofag. brockportfag here. that is all.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 13:54:00 No.12903502 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901121
geez, you're a fag.
I bet you're one of these fags who are terrified of buying toilet paper and taking it to the cashier because you'd think "oh gawd, they'll know I buy because I wipe my shitty ass with it."

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 14:03:00 No.12903559 Report

Quoted By: >>12906683

>Go to bathroom at school
>It has motion activated lights to save energy
>Take a shit
>Shit takes too long
>Lights go out because of lack of movement
>Can't see movement in the stalls
>Some guy comes in to take a piss
>Finish up while he's there
>He asks if I was shitting in the dark?
>Yup

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 14:04:00 No.12903565 Report

Quoted By:

>eat big bag of flamin hot cheetos
>next day shit fire
>feelsbadman.jpg

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 14:05:00 No.12903572 Report

Quoted By:

>be 12 at friends cabin
>morning
>friend pisses first
>meh kinda loud
>other friend pisses next
>louder
>I piss and show both of them up
>alfalfa as fuck

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 14:05:00 No.12903574 Report

Quoted By:

>>12903481

holy fucking god I've got to try this

GmasterRED (MASTER OF /soc/'s 30,000 GET) !!7iuitgeYm

GmasterRED (MASTER OF /soc/'s 30,000 GET) !!7iuitgeYm Thu 13 Jan 2011 14:07:00 No.12903593 Report

Quoted By: >>12903709

>>12901121
I'd be more worried about them knocking on the stall door and me having to say something. I make as much noise as possible when someone walks in.
I HATE saying something when they knock at the door. Can't you see it's fucking closed and locked? GTFO!

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 14:17:00 No.12903664 Report

Quoted By:

>>12903481
Added to my todo

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 14:22:00 No.12903700 Report

Quoted By:

>>12903481
Holy shit, I have to try this!! >:D

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 14:23:00 No.12903709 Report

Quoted By:

>>12903593

i leave the stall door unlocked and ajar. they'll figure it out eventually

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 14:25:00 No.12903729 Report

Quoted By:

>in town
>need to shit pretty bad
>go to public toilets its filled with people
>walk in and announce to everyone I am about to take a huge glorious shit and then recommend people to evacuate the area
>take a huge shit
>no toilet paper
>walk around with shitted ring for the rest of the day

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 15:09:00 No.12904041 Report

Quoted By:

>Burger King
>Lol, need a shit
>Go to bathroom
>Open door
>Puke, puke everywhere
>All over the stalls, literally covering the floor, in the sinks, on the mirrors
>Turn 180 degrees and walk away.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 15:16:00 No.12904083 Report

Quoted By:

please, shitting is serious shit

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 15:40:00 No.12904210 Report

Quoted By:

>on flight from bangkok to dubai
>get window seat, sitting next to 2 randoms
>its a night flight, everyones trying to sleep
>suddenly get stomach cramps
>try hold it in
>get hot and sweaty
>i need to fucking shit... NOW
>calmly tap person next to me apologising saying I need to use the bathroom
>he taps person next to him, both guys get out of their seats to let me out
>make it into toilet
>sit on toilet and need to apply about 1% effort when exploding river of hot shit pours out
>the low outside pressure in the toilet bowl literally sucks every cell of shit out of my system (so i thought)
>overwhelming sense of accomplishment
>go back to seat where the 2 guys have to get up again
>20 minutes passes
>stomach cramps
>repeat process of waking the person beside me, he wakes person beside him
>return
>10 minutes passes
>fuck stomach cramps again
>repeat process of waking randoms up

although embarassing and uncomfortable as hell having to wake randoms up for me to shit, the suction on the toilet does feel awesome and i do look forward to my next in flight pooping

Anonymous

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Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 18:06:00 No.12905113 Report

Quoted By: >>12905900

I could only imagine how the guy pooping felt.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 20:25:00 No.12905900 Report

Quoted By:

>>12905113
And now that poor motherfucker has a fear of pooping in public.

Actually, I wouldn't doubt it if that poor motherfucker is OP.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 20:38:00 No.12905990 Report

Quoted By: >>12906037

>Constipated for 4 days
>ate mostly junk food
>no exercise or fiber
>Eat whole packet of most power otc laxatives
>On crapper for 2 hours
>finally it's starts
>strain and push so hard
>Nose shoots blood EVERYWHERE
>Shit finally out
>Sit on crapper contemplating my ordeal
>Proceed to clean up whole bathroom and change bloody clothes

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 20:45:00 No.12906037 Report

Quoted By: >>12906187

>>12905990
Got another
>On Earth Sciences field trip for HS
>Share cabin thing with 3 mates
>THey're out
>Take 27cm blue and green shit
>Forget to flush
>mates come back
>one of em go to crapper
>I'm on bunk bed and can see in
>He stands there for 30 seconds olawldyman

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 20:50:00 No.12906076 Report

Quoted By: >>12906683

I've got one
>enter bathroom
>open first stall
>piss on the seat and floor
>open second stall
>someone managed to shit on the tank
>NOPE

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 21:04:00 No.12906174 Report

Quoted By:

>be at a three day LAN party
>go to the bathroom to take a shit
>chat with random dude in next stall while taking a shit
>like a boss

Anonymous

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Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 21:05:00 No.12906184 Report

Quoted By:

Found the perfect toilet for you OP

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 21:06:00 No.12906187 Report

Quoted By:

>>12906037
ahaha fucking lol'd so hard

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 21:10:00 No.12906218 Report

Quoted By:

Back when I was in school I remember my friends and I found literally the largest shit of all time in on of the stalls. The thing was about the size half a french stick, width and all. We charged freshmen like two euro to see the shit, there was a huge queue to see the shit until a teacher came and closed the entire bathroom.
Fun times.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 21:19:00 No.12906281 Report

Quoted By:

>be 4
>at nan's house
>her old friend comes over, unannounced
>i'm fucking scared of her
>hide behind nan's sofa for what felt like hours
>need shit
>shit
>don't tell anyone
>go home
>lol

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 21:31:00 No.12906351 Report

Quoted By: >>12907413

>get food poisoning on a weekend
>feel extremely sick, fever, etc
>take the nastiest smelling shit I've ever taken and feel alot better
>hour later, take another nasty shit
>hour later, take yet another shit
>oh god I'm gonna die
>keep having to shit every hour or so
>keep drinking water to stay hydrated
>eventually gets to the point where it's just pure, semi-clear liquid running out my ass
>feels alot like peeing

>"Huh, so this is what it feels like for a girl to pee."

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 21:57:00 No.12906534 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901210
richard herring says you should envision your piss coming out of the guy next to you's cock. not that useful if both of you have shy bladders though lol.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 22:02:00 No.12906571 Report

Quoted By:

I used to work at a grocery store, so I have some pretty revolting feces stories. The best one I can recall is a turd I dub "Excalibur".

I walked into our restroom to do a line (its grocery. Everyone is spun out) and there was the most massive, long, uninterrupted log I've ever seen. This monstrosity went down into the bowl, broke the water, and had fallen over onto the seat. I kid you not, it was a good 24" long, and atleast 4" around. It was beautiful and repulsive at the same time. I felt bad for our janitor.

Another time I was out back throwing out rotten/old produce, and there was a pile of soft-serve ice cream style shit right by the dumpster. Now the kicker was the fact there were 3 maybe 4 tampons embedded in the shit. Like they were in the persons asshole like a buttplug. Fuck.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 22:12:00 No.12906638 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901268
>>12901268
>>12901268

This just summarized my poop career :( At work, go in, make sure all stores clear. Pack TP all over the seat so my ass has no direct contact. If anyone comes in, even mid shit, send the retreat signal and wait for the troops to get back in the barrack. Coast clear, start shitting again.

It's all about counting the number of times the door opens and closes. Odd - bad, Even - good.

Story of my life :( Can't piss around people either. At least I can piss in a stall if there's other people around. Not urinal though.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 22:15:00 No.12906660 Report

Quoted By:

Got sick, threw up, and shat six times in a three-hour period five days ago. By the last couple dumps, it was just liquid. Oh god my asshole hurt so much.

I didn't poop again until today. Guess my entire intestinal tract was cleared out.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 22:17:00 No.12906676 Report

Quoted By:

Why is it that the poop threads are always the best ones?

Tard stories were ok too.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 22:18:00 No.12906683 Report

Quoted By: >>12908201

>>12906076
fuck sometimes I think I have a sibbling out here on r9k

>>12903559
oh my fucking god, I laughed so hard I almost crapped myself
I need to go to the crapper bad btw

I hope this is still up when I am back for (in)glorious shitting stories

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 22:21:00 No.12906702 Report

Quoted By:

>> at uni
>> need shit
>> run to female flatmates room
>> scoop out all water from bowl
>> huge dump on empty porcelain
>> shove toilet paper in ass crack and run out laughing
>> 5 mins later hear a scream
>> feelsgoodman.jpg

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 22:33:00 No.12906796 Report

Quoted By:

>made a beef steak
>want it lightly cooked
>I barely cooked the sides, lol! It's all bloody
>Proceed to eat it because man!!! Salmonella can eat my shit
>Go a day, feelin fine, but expecting to die from salmonella
> Gotta shit really bad! Run to the toilet, barely made it
> My poo is normal wet poo, nothing too bad to look at, but the SMELL!!! It was like standing over a thousand dead half devoured animals
> go swimman

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 22:45:00 No.12906888 Report

Quoted By:

>violently ill, high fever, whole body is in pain
>drink a bit of water
>throw up
>go to sleep
>wake up, need to go to the toilet
>take a shit
>"Fuck I gotta eat something...and I'm all out of food..."
>wipe until paper comes out clean
>get dressed, stumble to a Subway
>cute girl behind counter
>I wonder what that weird smell is
>order the food, still wondering
>get back home
>undress
>shit falls out of my boxers

And now I'm paranoid that it could happen again.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 22:47:00 No.12906918 Report

Quoted By: >>12907149

>Try to get my kid to take a dump before we go out like a civilised human being.
>Kid is having none of it.
>Insistant that he wants to do a poo at my friend Pauls house for some reason.
>I tell him not to be silly but again he is insistant that he wants to do a poo at Pauls.
>Every time I take the kid to Pauls this happens and he spends the entire time I'm there sitting in his toilet.
>the kid even brings a rucksack in with him, fuck knows what he's doing in there he's only 6.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 22:48:00 No.12906928 Report

Quoted By:

>Orthodox equivalent of Vatican in Russia
>Need shit
>Find toilet built into the massive wall around the complex
>Stinks, look in cubicles
>Shit on the floor, on the toilet reservoir, toilet seat, flush handle, toilet paper roll, all up the walls...walls literally covered in shit.
>WTF this place is the fucking holiest place in all of RUSSIA and most of eastern EUROPE

NOPE.JPG

>Shit in a bush
>Wipe with tissues
>See people drinking 'holy water' from fountain nearby
>lolno

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 23:02:00 No.12907062 Report

Quoted By: >>12907312

>road trip along west coast usa from sandiego to seattle
>exit interstate fwy in bumfuck redneck country bumpkin town in northern california
>need to shit, stop at wal mart in said town
>enter bathroom, witness toothless people and farmers everywhere in store on way to bthrm
>pass urinals, approaching stall
>fat old white farmer dude, overalls on the floor
>completely naked legs spread on toilet
>mumbles something out of his mouth
>i panic and run out, almost drop to floor my knees weak
>not sure how to erase image from brain,
>mfw my friend runs in the bathroom after I leave

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 23:12:00 No.12907149 Report

Quoted By: >>12907176 >>12907621

>>12906918
maybe find out what's in pauls bathroom. candy?

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 23:15:00 No.12907176 Report

Quoted By:

>>12907149

Gary Glitter

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 23:30:00 No.12907301 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901354

One of my biology professors told me about a case-study he read, some little kid was taking a shit in the school bathrooms and another kid walked in and said something like "DAYUM DASS RANK SON!", so the kid developed a fear of shitting and didn't shit for two weeks, he almost died of an obstructed bowel and he had to go to therapy for a couple of years.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 23:31:00 No.12907312 Report

Quoted By:

>>12907062
>road trip along west coast usa from sandiego to seattle

after reading that I already knew this ain't gonna end well.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 23:40:00 No.12907391 Report

Quoted By:

>at a public beach
>go to a porto-potty to take a piss
>they're ALL chock fucking full of shit
>fuck it, I need to piss
>inside it smells like the bastard offspring of Cthulhu and Beelzebuh
>take a piss while breathing with the mouth
>a kid we were going with seems me in, and he trollfaces
>he locks the stall from outside
>I am locked inside the foulest reeking place ever
>FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU---

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 23:43:00 No.12907413 Report

Quoted By:

>>12906351
Dude, I think that was fucking cholera. D:

>The posivist

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 13 Jan 2011 23:49:00 No.12907459 Report

Quoted By:

>be senior in high school
>in weight training
>have to shit
>teacher too lazy to open locked clean bathrooms, have to go down hall
>one stall is out of commission, other has what reminded me of bear shit(black and full of debris) all over like someone had thrown it onwalls and toilet and it was everywhere
>go back to class tell teacher he doesnt believe me
>take him to bathroom
>he says "my god its like a bear shit in here"

iknowrite? opens clean bathroom for me to shit in peace in.

in same class:

>one rep squats
>hit 425
>halfway up dont think imma make it
>feel a turd poke out my butt
>freak out and instantly stand up in urgency
>rack weight and hobble to bathroom
>coach laughing at me

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 00:07:00 No.12907621 Report

Quoted By:

>>12907149

Paul's bog is just a white toilet and white sink with one of those tacky looking 'push to spray' airfreshners stuck to the wall.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 00:11:00 No.12907654 Report

Quoted By:

>go to bathroom
>no paper
>go to kitchen and grab the paper
>go back to bathroom
>shit
>clean
>go back to whatever i was doing

what a good story

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 00:20:00 No.12907731 Report

Quoted By:

> At Borders
> Need to shit
> Enter Men's Room
> Two old man hobo's exit single stall
> One goes to sink to wash mouth out and spit
> Other shuffles out with pants around ankles
> Nope

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 01:05:00 No.12908153 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901164
>implying this isn't common.
Who gives a fuck. Shut up and enjoy the thread faggot.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 01:12:00 No.12908201 Report

Quoted By:

>>12906683
some of mine not as hilarious as the others but well

>school need to poop
>be on toilet
>hear someone coming in, at the urinals
>press my palms do my mouth and make a fake fart
>awkward silence (me trying not to laugh)
>he bursts out laughing and I hear him almost tripping over because of laughing
>back in class he tells the story
>"guys guys guys, In the toilet just now, someone farted the nastiest wettest ass cheek flubbering fart you can imagine
>I come in
>he "WAS THAT YOU; GOD DAMN WHAT DID YOU EAT"
>me "just was my hands"
>yeah yeah fartman

mfw i had that name for a month

>be with a friend and 3 girls in a trailer
>have to poop REALLY BAD
>go to wc
>no window, door not really lockable, and a 2 cm crack between door and ground
>me .... damn now I need to shit SLOWLY
>start with ad "puuuhft"
>guyfriend "DUDE WHAT WAS THAT"
>girls "Are you pooping"
>pants up and out without shitting
>"No, I am nice and piss while sitting because of you girls, I just farted"
>1 girl "TMI"
>dont ask you silly hoe

mfw the other girls said "yeah dont ask a boy what he is doing on the toillet, U DUN WANNA NO"

same day
>friend to me .... "dude i need to shit really bad"
>"me too but that toilet in there has bad accustics for a manly shit"
>friend to girls: WHO WANTS ICECRAM
>girl 1 MEEE
>girl 2 MEEE
>girl 3 I am on a diet
>go from trailer to foodshack search toilets, 2 both free
>friend and I kept laughing our asses of (lol) because we sounded like a fucking fog horn
>go out with a face of relieve
>girls "You look refreshed"

after that I grabbed on girls ass, she still thinks it was a coincidence lol

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 01:24:00 No.12908305 Report

Quoted By: >>12908326

and one more for now
>ate something bad, have to take a massive dump
>wc1 closed for repairs until *date in 3 months*
>wc2 occupied
>down one floor wc3 open door, stink comes
nope
>again down one floor wc4 left side .... woa piss fucking everywhere rightside ok
>commence shitting
>someone comes in sees left side, almost throws up, rattles my door
>me trollfaced "dude, this one is taken"
>hear him storm out
>I fart that the walls start to shake, I start to laugh but gag because of the stench
>again someone comes in, laud gag noise slams door shut

dear god I swear, when I am farting while on the toilet it sounds like Gjallerhorn blowing for ragnarok

>have nasty shits because of some infection
>am at some restaurant
>need to use toilet
>ran in slam door shut
>nasty stench from farting and noises like liquid lava splashing into frozen water
>after cleaning I look at the mess
>words cant describe the horror
>flush
>toilet starts to overflow
go out with pokerface
while someone goes in behind me
hear a "WHA THE FUCK"

not me but I was at that party
1)
>girl passes out drunk in a bathroom, she has lockedherself in, screaming something about killing herself
>hosts panicking looking for second key
>open the door
>look at collaps girl with pants down
>she collapsed on the porcalin thrown toppled over and shat on the floor before it

their faces where priceless

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 01:25:00 No.12908326 Report

Quoted By:

>>12908305
i think same party, if not, same host
>Last day of 3 day party second day was obviously the worst in matters of alcohol
>host opens wc door, first screams, starts to laugh, slience, screaming laughter
>coming into living room, almost crying of laughter (but you could see she also was near raging)
>she "well RESPECT, someone managed it to shit BEHIND THE FUCKING BOWL, I dont know WHO that was or HOW they did it but, THERE IS FUCKING SHIT BEHIND THE FUCKING BOWL" dorps on the ground rolling on the floor laughing and raging the same time
> sobbing while laughing "someone REALLY has earned the title trick shitter"

what has to be added, the toilet room is quite narrow, space between bowl and wall, espacially the way behind the bowl, is smaller than any normal ass would be

this happened btw at a second party too, again in a small toilet room, different location same host

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 01:29:00 No.12908367 Report

Quoted By: >>12908551

>dont usually eat at mcdonalds
>eat at mc 4 days in a row
>have to take a shit
>only option a fast food restroom
>shit thick as a brick and dry as gunpowder
>sit there for 45 mins still nothing
>dumb story

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 01:40:00 No.12908501 Report

Quoted By:

>shit
>without remorse

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 01:45:00 No.12908551 Report

Quoted By:

>>12908367
>>dry as gunpowder

lololol
u guise

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 01:51:00 No.12908624 Report

Quoted By:

>read thread about shitting
>try to stifle laughs while in class
>compose self
>wonder if I have to take a shit

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 01:59:00 No.12908701 Report

Quoted By:

I've told this story before.

>3rd grade, have to shit
>ask teacher if i can go
>"no, class is still in session"
>wait 5 mins, ask again
>"I'm not going to tell you again!"
>wait another 5 mins
>cant hold it, bust out of classroom, run to restroom
>open stall, pull down pants, sit, shit
>forgot to pull down my underwear, shit all over ass
>try to clean off my ass with paper towels
>try to clean boxers in other toilete with clean water
>cant dry boxers with paper towels, fuckfuckfuck
>go commando( no underwear, just pants on)
>put boxers in pocket, walk back
>get yelled at by teacher, suddenly she looks at the ground with horror
>my brown stained damp boxers still emitting stench
>had a big hole in my pocket i forgot about. she gags
>I ran out crying.

horrible, burned into my MIND

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 02:00:00 No.12908708 Report

Quoted By:

>at party with friends
>in a field, no proper toilet facilities
>fine during the night
>wake up
>need a banging shit
>collect all my stuff, leave
>its like 7 in the morning
>realise im not gonna make it home
>shit by a bus stop

I regret nothing.

KlausVonArsche

KlausVonArsche Fri 14 Jan 2011 02:00:00 No.12908718 Report

Quoted By:

I have 2 stories
i was on a camping trip with my parents in the Belgium Ardennes, it was on a camping.
>swim the entire day in small creek
>suddenly at night feel pain in the stomach
>run to the public toilet
>litterally "paint" the wall of the toilet brown
>shit everywhere, even outside of the toilet,
>next day in the evening during a camp fire ,people where complaining about all the shit on the toilet.
>trollface, complain with them act like it wasn't me

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 02:09:00 No.12908791 Report

Quoted By:

I once saw a turd on the exposed plumbing part of a toilet. That means someone had to be squatting with their feet on the toilet lid.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 02:14:00 No.12908823 Report

Quoted By:

>see thread about shitting
>lol at ridiculous shit stories
>i am currently shitting
>not sure how weird it is to be laughing about shit whilst shitting

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1289015175305.jpg, 49KiB, 605x412

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 02:15:00 No.12908830 Report

Quoted By:

Bumpan for great justice

>mfw this thread

Fri 14 Jan 2011 02:20:00 No.12908886 Report

Quoted By:

>Take a dump
>Walk out
>Feel a sudden urge to take again

why

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 02:22:00 No.12908901 Report

Quoted By:

>>12901068
I'm taking a shit while writing this...

anyway... craziest bathroom story is when I got bored and did something stupid on a dare.

Metamucil is supposed to keep people regular... but, I ended up taking close to 20 doses of that stuff... its supposed to taste like orang and it goes down... what I ended up eating was gel. The next few days were the worst shits of my life... constipated.. terrible constipation until it would finally come out. The gel expanded in my intestines and came out like some blob from my ass... and it filled the toillete. I remember poking at it with a q-tip just to check the consistency and it was like GACK.. that crap from nickolodean or whatever..

I dont recommend anyone else trying this

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 03:26:00 No.12909612 Report

Quoted By:

Here's my favorite shit story. No greentext, too long.

alright. so I was in a canoe. the previous day, I had eaten spam for dinner. I am in the canoe all day and I have to shit. I try to hold it, because I can see the camp site 500m away.

NOPE

eventually i start addling to the side, and I manage to get my pants down, but shit through my boxers. I wipe up, stuff the shitty boxers into the plastic bag that had held my TP, and wash up a little, then I paddle the rest of the way to the campsite.

I get to the campsite, go up to the campfire, and toss the baggie into the firepit, douse it in gasoline and light it.

I guess now is as good a time as any to mention that there was some family eating lunch around the firepit. I didn't really give a shit, metaphorically speaking, because it was a reserved site and they weren't supposed to be there.

after that, I go and unpack my canoe. as I am doing so, my scoutmaster tells me to put out the flaming bag of shit, because apparently lighting a flaming bag of shit next to people trying to enjoy a meal is somewhat of a social faux pas. I dunno. it was in canada, I guess i don't know the local customs up there. so i put it out and remove it from the firepit, but instead of getting rid of the shitbag, i set it aside, and i lit it up again when i was done setting up camp. I swear to god, it smelled just like really good barbecue. it was the strangest thing.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 06:14:00 No.12911941 Report

Quoted By:

>taking shit while I was younger
>cat slides through door, leaving it open
>cant reach door
>pet cat while shitting
>dad walks by
>WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING M, SHUT THE GOD DAMN DOOR WHILE YOU'RE ON THE TOILET
>silently cry while petting the cat

copypasta like a boss and doesn't give a fuck

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 06:22:00 No.12912066 Report

Quoted By:

Navy boot camp 2005
Literrary NO doors on the stalls to prevent fapping.
Shitting like a boss and making small talk with the person across.

Some hardcore fuckers even just fapped away when there was a small chance of someone walking in.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 06:54:00 No.12912471 Report

Quoted By:

you guys would hate me im the bathroom troll to do things like

>turn the lights off when someone in there
>stand in the cubical doing nothgn when there are people waiting
>walk in with a chub, so my dick looks huge, go to urinal look to the guy to the left of me, glance down, back at him and wink
>trollface.jpg

>start reading this thread
>lololololol
>why do i need to shit now?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 07:01:00 No.12912554 Report

Quoted By:

i want this archived so i can fucking read it again.
i love /r9k/. please archive everyone.
12901068
12901068
12901068
http://4chanarchive dot org/
12901068

toots

toots Fri 14 Jan 2011 07:31:00 No.12912899 Report

Quoted By:

ARCHIVE NOW, or else
>do it

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1294780097556.jpg, 35KiB, 400x231

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 07:39:00 No.12912975 Report

Quoted By:

>Work in paint department
>Feel like pissing, but wash my paint covered hands first
>Black lady next to me washing hands desperately, in a rush to leave
>wtf?
>She leaves and I go into nearest stall
>Shit smeared all over the toilet seat
>Gag and run out of the bathroom

That was just NASTY

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 08:01:00 No.12913210 Report

Quoted By:

>dropped acid at club the other night
>lines of MDMA
>drink lots of beer and need to piss
>go to urinal
>too many drugs, can't remember how to urinate, nothing happening (drugfags will know what I'm talking about
>guy standing next to me
>his face when I stand there yelling, "COME ON! DO SOMETHING" at my penis

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 08:05:00 No.12913249 Report

Quoted By:

I really want to masturbate on a public toilet seat or take a shit on the floor. Next time I'm in public...

Anonymous

noko

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 08:14:00 No.12913355 Report

Quoted By:

>sitting in class
>have to shit, BAD.
>run to bathroom.
>realease a massive river of black shit into the toilet.
>look to my right, no fucking tp.
>one less sock

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 08:21:00 No.12913442 Report

Quoted By:

>Take shit in bathroom
>Sort of friend is in next stall over
>He says "Ah man Anon, taking a shit is the best feeling in the world
>

My god, he's absolutely right

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 08:38:00 No.12913603 Report

Quoted By: >>12913793 >>12913840

>On toilet
>Attempting to shit
>Isn't fucking coming out
>Fuck no this shit is coming out right fucking now
>I'm not walking around all day until the shit can no longer be contained
>My asshole needs to be vacant goddamn it
>Still isn't coming out
>Resign myself to my fate
>Insert finger in vagina
>Push shit out
>Mission accomplished

I'm fairly certain I'm the only chick who does this.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 08:53:00 No.12913793 Report

Quoted By: >>12913864

>>12913603

You'd think so, but...

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 08:56:00 No.12913812 Report

Quoted By:

I like to find uncrowded bathrooms at work because they're generally less gross and its unlikely that someone walks in to let some monster nasty shit out.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 08:58:00 No.12913840 Report

Quoted By: >>12913864

>>12913603
>I'm fairly certain I'm the only chick who does this.

you_must_be_new_here.tiff

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 09:01:00 No.12913864 Report

Quoted By:

>>12913793
>>12913840
Dammit. I must lurk more in poop threads then.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 09:12:00 No.12913983 Report

Quoted By:

>best friend (girl) lives down the street
>walk down, gonna say hai and chill
>halfway there, get terrible shitpains
>fucking SPRINT to her house
>charge in and run to the bathroom, oh hai my gf is there too, sup? gotta shit brb
>in there for 20 min ploppin' out little hard turds that leave unimaginably horrible stains on my ass.
>no tp. so i'm at my best friend's house, shitting unannounced, with my gf there
>eventually have to yell for her to bring me some tp after trying to wipe my ass with snotty tissues and even considering a towel to save from the embarassment
>universe: "lolnope, no glory 4 u"

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 09:16:00 No.12914018 Report

Quoted By:

>bored as FUCK in class
>keep getting boners
>go into bathroom and jack off
>no more boners :)

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 09:20:00 No.12914057 Report

Quoted By:

> At morning swim practice
> decide to try eating breakfast before my swim
> first 20 minutes feel fine
> we start doing heavy core work
> my stomach grumbles
> feel the pressure in my bowels increasing
> ohgodimustreleasethebeast
> sprint 50 meters to the other side faster than i have ever swam before
> run into bathroom, coach yells"Hey! where are you going?!"
>I ignore him, i'm on a mission.
>Get in handicap bathroom stall for man-shitting purposes
> Push. I feel my butt stretching with every inch
> It comes out
> I look on toilet seat and it turns out i missed
>clean it up and go home

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 10:13:00 No.12914601 Report

Quoted By:

>12 or 13, with family on trip to the city
>Eat lunch at the Cracker Barrel; chicken fried steak - om nom nom
>Later, go shopping for school clothes
>Walking around store, feeling good
>Suddenly, diarrhea!
>Head to bathroom, several people in there - FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU
>Screw it, second stall is unoccupied
>Noisily evacuate my bowels, stench is pretty bad
>Hear several people come in and out
>Wait until I'm sure bathroom is empty before leaving
>Find family, Dad makes a smartass comment like "Everything come out all right?"
>Mumble something like "Must've been the gravy."

I haven't eaten at any Cracker Barrel since.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 12:02:00 No.12915738 Report

Quoted By:

Not much of a story, but thought I'd share:

>Suffer from regular constipation from a bad diet
>At work
>Have to take monstrous shit
>Run to bathroom
>Most painful shit ever, felt like was getting fisted by a heavyweight boxer
>Look in bowl
>Glorious giant turd rising out of the water
>Name it Ploptimus Prime
>Take a picture on phone
>Show it to all my friends and family

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 15:12:00 No.12917179 Report

Quoted By:

>leaving campus
>head in to bathroom for piss before hour-long transit ride back home
>no one at any urinal, perfect
>take my pic
>dude comes in with his little girl
>girl sees my dick
>stares for 10 seconds, silent
>then "DADDY HE'S PEEPEEING ON THE WALL"
>whole building hears that i have presented myself to a 4 year-old
>now freaking out everytime i see a black van following me

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 14 Jan 2011 15:13:00 No.12917185 Report

Quoted By:

i took a huge shit once, ended up clogging the fucking toilet. Had to put bags on my hand and break up the shit so it would flush.

I was pissed.

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