OP, I understand your situation, I really do. I am your friend. I understand how you feel, I get how crushing the loneliness is and how you wish you could just become the girl and live a happy life.
But please, please understand that what you're doing is very dangerous for yourself. I was once where you are now - I used to have a secret indentity, make up this fantasy world where I was a pretty girl with lots of friends. I used to chat up with people (mainly guys) to get that feeling that somebody cares.
It is not worth it. As
>>12957531 said, you become the mask. You do not want that. You start making mistakes. You start confusing your everyday life with that of your fantasy world's. You start talking to people in YOUR life, about the people in your FANTASY.
Please stop this OP, before you lose control.