barking thread

I'm sick of all this bitterness and complaining.

Let's forget about all of that for a second, and remember the good days, when we were kids.

The underage should avoid this thread.

>ITT: we pretend we're in grade 1 again, and we're supposed to draw what we want to be when we grow up. Be as imaginative as you want. Don't draw anything which your parents wouldn't be proud of putting up on the fridge. Also, tell the class what it is you drew and give a reason why you think that job would be awesome.

I want to be a fireman because I would be a very good fireman.

ITT: your cringworthy stories

>femanon in eighth grade
>impossibly ridiculous, flamboyant aspie, completely oblivious to everything social
>in english class
>open rockstar drink under desk
>I accidentally kick it over, it spills everywhere
>everyone starts laughing
>"hey anon did you piss under your seat?"
>I, thinking I'm funny, say: "but of course!"
>somehow the entire class has stopped, everyone's laughing hysterically, including the teacher
>I don't realise they're laughing at me, I think they're just laughing in the way that they laugh when a popular person says something dumb
>I stand up and announce, grinning wildly: "I shall retrieve some paper towels in order to eradite this most egregious error!"
>the fervour of their laughter increases; a few girls are now laughing so hard they're crying
>I'm in the front of the class, walking over to the door
>one of the girls says: "hey anon, why don't you just lick it up?"
>I remember something I saw a popular girl doing the other day
>I whip around with a manic, shit-eating grin plastered on my face
>strike a pose, thumbs-up the air
>scream: "YEEEEAAAA-UHHHHHH!"
>everyone just dies, collapsing in laughter
>I walk out the door, grinning at how I just cemented my popularity
>things like this happened all the time
>oh god, the cringe

I almost want to cry thinking about this today: how I was so naive, so impossibly flamboyant and awkward; how everyone I thought was my friend was actually just keeping me around for the laughs. This was no fault of my own. I tried as hard as I could to understand people, but I just couldn't comprehend that people could be malevolent, why they would want to hurt others. This is to all those who says girls can't be aspies. It really feels bad, man.

>majority of the time they see women is when they are fapping to porn
>wonder why when they leave the house and see other women they imagine cum on their face
>all women must be sluts

OH SHIT SON!
STOP WHINING FOR A SECOND!
IT'S TIME FOR MAGICAL PILLS THAT TURN INTO SEA CREATURES!!!!!!

pick a color and I'll drop it into the water, then you can all share in the motherfucking AMAZEMENT

The most beta moment of my life just happened.

>When I was 12, I had a crush on this girl for years
>She told me she felt the same
>She became my "girlfriend"
>I never met another woman I loved like her later, we spent ALL our time together
>I moved out to the other side of the country, the separation was heartbreaking
>We sent each other letters but we eventually stopped

Today in the grocery store

>see her
>recognize her immediately, she hasn't changed at all
>She turns around
>She sees me
>She drops the bottle pack she was holding. I can see the surprise in her eyes
>She smiles "Holy shit... Anon?"
>I pretend I don't understand what she's talking about
>"Oh..Sorry, I thought you were someone else"
>Leave as quick as I can
>Cry on my way home

Fuck I feel so pathetic

Feel free to share your beta stories

Craziest person you've ever known

I went to school with a tard who just didn't give a fuck. Some of the things he did include running though a playground with no pants on and asking his mom to suck his balls, among many more. But the one that took that cake and that he was a LEGEND for went a little something like this:
>tard gets what he thinks is the single greatest idea of all time and informs all of us
>we all leave to watch it go down
>tard goes over to empty parking lot
>we follow and hide in the bushes
>tard pulls down his pants and squats over the pavement
>lays out the biggest motherfucking shit in the history of tard anuses
>2 foot long XXL tard turd
>tard picks up the turd with his bare hands and walks over to a house two or three doors down from the parking lot
>walks up to the front door holding a completely intact 2 foot long turd horizontally and out in front of him with both hands
>somehow either rings the doorbell or knocks on the door (don't remember which) without letting go of the giant fucking turd in his hands
>woman answers the door to see a retard presenting her with a two foot turd like some sort of Aztec making the world's foulest smelling sacrifice to his pagan shit gods
>woman is frozen like a deer in the headlights while her brain futilely attempts to comprehend the horror in front of her
>while she's still in shock, with the turd still held proudly out in front of him, the tard let out a battle cry at the top of his lungs that will haunt all who hear it until their dying day...
>"POOP SCOOP MALOOP!"
>woman screams like a topless teenager in a slasher movie and slams the door

We all ran off laughing so hard that some of us literally fell on the ground laughing. Never found out what happened to the woman or the turd or if the cops ever got involved, but the tard was back at school the next day and still as retarded as ever.

Should I just stop being friends with her? I don't even know why I bother sometimes...

I want to smell the spaghetti here. No shit like calling the teacher mum.

>Be small
>Dad gives me a piggyback
>"I like piggybacks. It makes my willy feel all nice."
>Close my eyes and start rubbing myself against him

Why? Why?