Update 2024-03-27: Greatly expanded the "Samples" page and renamed it to "Glossary".
Update 2024-04-04: Added 5 million mid-2011 posts from the k47 post dump . Browse (mostly) them here .
Update 2024-04-07: Added ~400 October 2003 posts from 4chan.net . Browse them here .
Welcome to Oldfriend Archive, the official 4chan archive of the NSA. Hosting ~170M text-only 2003-2014 4chan posts (mostly 2006-2008). Threads by latest replies - Page 15
Anonymous !VjxBKFz2l.
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>Female friend: why arent there any nice guys left? >Me : Anon and I are nice guys >Female friend: Yeah but you guys are like brothers >mfw
Anonymous
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Well it surprises me that many guys have fallen for the "nice guy" trap so many times before realizing what it was all about. I've fallen for it twice in my life, once during childhood and once recently. Both incidences were short termed, so I didn't get totally fucked over, although both time did sting like a motherfucker on my sense of self-worth.
Anonymous
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>>1554345 Changing the topic is fine, I guess, but again there's my problem with women: men need to be in charge of the conversation to make sure it doesn't stagnate. I don't often have to assume executive control of the conversation with male friends, but you're right, it must be done periodically with women.
I'm sure it depends on the girl, but I know and have dated everyone from uneducated farm sluts to postgraduate biochemists. The latter were more boring and typically feminine than the former, usually. Liberal arts girls are indeed pretentious hipsters.
Anonymous
Mustaine was cooler when he was on heroin. Now, he's just another born again, holier than thoum mediocre music writing douche. Anyone who likes his music probably has a mancrush on him. Go gay already. Here's proof of the gay:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9d4ui9q7eDM Look at the package. Look at dem pecs. You'd go gay, you faggot.
Also, shut the fuck up about this shit. If you want to go get laid, just be upfront about it. If you want to win a girl's heart with some subversive attempt at being a friend/potential lover, fuck you. There's no such thing as a nice guy.
Anonymous
>>1554458 with the mustaine comments you are joking right?
Anonymous
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>>1554486 nope. mustaine's popularity = gay crushes disguised as music tastes. you'd lick that firecrotch clean and lick up the santorum.
>inb4 metalfaggots claim sacrilege. you've been outed
Anonymous !!hGVNqbTL1ZV
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Was browsing other boards, found this gif. It looked awesome, so I reversed image searched it (wondering what game it was from, still am) and found this article. Very interesting, thought I'd share it with the robots.
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2433/are-there-really-lost-cosmonauts-stranded-in-space tldr; Talks about a covered up Russian disaster that left cosmonauts stranded in orbit around Earth back in the 60s.
Anonymous
Bumping for the hell of it. I'm thoroughly surprise it's lasted this long.
Anonymous
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>>1537491 it's still alive, too.
Lifesupportblox.
Anonymous
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>>1492011 I'm just thinking of "7 days a stranger" which is sortof the same if you replace 60's cosmonauts with star trek.
Pretty intrsting.
Anonymous
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>>1537491 >Suprised a thread can last a day Get off of the /b/, /v/, and the boards which move fast but shouldn't (/fit/, /fa/ for instance)
Anonymous
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After reading through this thread, I can say that this is a pretty damn good idea for a game. Any way I could help?
Anonymous !ICF6Tq192M
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Oh god I just remembered this, please top this and make me feel better at your expense>first semester of college, first Philosophy lecture >lecturer is going over the course content and boring introductory crap >hear some girls behind me talking about how hot he is >extremely jealous >put up my hand and wave it around until he asks me what it is I want, obviously annoyed at me interrupting >"uh, I think everyone here agrees with me when I say this is boring, can we get to the content already? I mean we are PAYING for this class" >look around the class to see the laughter I was expecting (nobody laughed) >his expression changes from mildly annoyed to very pissed off but he stays civil >"This is the foundation of the course, I'm teaching you important procedures regarding assignments so we can get onto the content without any hiccups. Please let me finish this" >"for a so-called expert, you can't take criticism very well." >he just furiously glares at me >"Check. Mate. I'm leaving now, if you need help teaching the course just give me a call" >strut out of the class witha smirk, imagining how badass and intelligent I must look to all my classmates
Anonymous
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jesus christ some of these are fucking hilarious.
Anonymous
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>Be foreign exchange student >Shy as fuck around girls I don't know >Go with hockey team out of town >Alpha as fuck friend tells me he's gonna hook me up >Tell him I'm shitty with women >"No matter, we're getting you some numbers" >Stay far away from the guy until we're all going to change rooms. >He's standing there with five 8+/10 girls >"Oh hang on girls, this is Anon, he's from Norway" >Lock up, don't know what to say. >"Hi." (In a completely normal way for once) >Friend starts talking >Looking around nervously. >Friend (and probably the girls) notices. >"Don't worry, he's just a bit shy around the girls" >All the girls go "Awwww..." >"Which is why I'm heading to the dressing room right now, see you all later" >Backhand wave and walk away
Anonymous
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>>1482737 that is quite possibly the funniest thing I have ever read
Anonymous
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>At highschool >Suddenly shit diarrhea into pants with the force of a thousand tornadoes >Waddle to bathroom >Sit down and shit even more, dirty underwear oozing shit around my knees >Suddenly door opens >Big black kid sees me there, wallowing in my misery, shit everywhere >Yell at him, he's visibly shocked and slams the door shut >Clean self up as best as I can and call my mom for a ride home >Never speak to that kid again
Anonymous
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Not got many of my own but this thread is fucking godly.>Be 15 >In PE (Gym) >Curtain seperating boys and girls >They're doing trampolining >PERV MODE ACTIVATE > 8/10 with huge tits starts jumping on trampoline >Try to be stealthy and look under curtain >This goes well until sudden eye contact >This lasts 10 seconds. >Slowly leave >Never hear from or speak to her again
Anonymous !!hGVNqbTL1ZV
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ITT: disguisting body stories
Anonymous
i got a hernia the other day from one of the most massive shits i took. it feels like a constant itch on my asshole and if i touch it it feels like somebody took a soft bb pellet and stuck it in the skin of my anus. i think i need to eat less fiber
Anonymous
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>>1511412 shit i meant hemorrhoid
but seriously that shit itches
Anonymous
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>>1511316 Oh my god, I do this too. I love my vagina stink.
Anonymous
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>>1510148 I have a geographic tounge
It's awkward as fuck kissing
Anonymous
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I have fordyce's spots all over my scrotum and inside my lip. I thought everyone has it, at least on their scrotum, so, it doesn't bother me in the least, haha.
Anonymous !!aA0GbTMNLDz
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>get a migraine >lie in bed in pain, eventually fall asleep/pass out >wake up lay around for awhile >an ancient evil has awoken >feel the stink monster positioning itself for an explosive exit >hobble to the bathroom praying that my weakened state can hold back the harbinger of doom for a second more >regardless of my efforts I start pooping before I get fully sat down >most of the pain was actually gas >copious farting opens my butthole larger than the turd >it glides out and once I'm done farting I take a look at it >solid, sleek, ~10 inch long fat turd curled up like a snake >sit down and wipe >nothing >mfw
Anonymous
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My dad always tells this story, but he also told my mom his cyst scar was from a knife fight...>Early 80s >Dad is running on banked track at gym >Wearing short gym shorts and a jockstrap >Feels a fart coming >Not a fart >Burst of liquid shit comes mid-stride and manages to slip out of shorts without befouling anything >Dad plays it off and continues around track towards locker room >Pack of runners approaches shit slick, unaware >First one hits shit and goes down >Pileup in shit slick >Exuent dad into locker room
Anonymous
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Good thread guys. Especially OP. NotOP here, have good lives guys. I think the thread's now in auto-sage.
new_user
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Moot needs to sticky this shitty thread, in all it's glory so the stories can be passed on for generations
Anonymous
Bosingwa's Unibrow !COYS0IE7M.
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Never actually had a good Shit General story to tell. Until today. Thank God this thread still exists.>Be in uni >Suddenly, usual twisting pains in stomach yadayada > Pains getting intense. Pokerface walk casually out of class while inside I'm like "I'M GONNA FUCKING BLOW!" >In a rather small campus, only two main bathrooms. One is closed for maintenance or something. Go in remaining free bathroom. >Almost kick door of hinges of bathroom >Bathroom full of people, washing hands, pissing at urinal etc. All cubicle's in use >Waiting outside cubical. Pains feel like my stomach is going through blender. Anus getting warm >HHNNGGRAWWWWGGHHH. Weird noises from stomach. Pains so bad feel like collapsing to floor and release everything. >Legs start to quiver and jolt forward as if being kicked in back of knee from trying to conceal embarrassment of the pain >WTFIsThatIdiotDoing looks everywhere.jpg >Finally get into cubical. Almost rip pants off. Sit down. Release. >Sounds of armageddon project through bathroom as an explosion of shaving foam consistency shit flows out of my anus uncontrollably. >Trying desperately to stop my screams of pain. Suddenly, little outburst yelps as I can't hide the pain anymore. "AHH...GARRGGHHH" while projectile shit falls out of my gaping asshole. >So much uncontrollable body movements, piss so hard my penis flies around like a garden hose on full blast. Piss everywhere. >Eventually get to wipe anus. By some miracle, anus is as clean as a whistle. >Leave bathroom like a boss. Return to class as if nothing has happened. >Return to bathroom a few hours later for a normal piss >Turn around, see my back in mirror >Shit sprayed all the way up the back of my shirt. Realise that's how my anus was so clean. >Had been walking around with shit everywhere and I didn't even know. >mfw
Anonymous !!jXa1xyIyNUh
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>At Gamestop. >Looking for a new game to play in the DS section. >Little girl is right next to me. >She spots a Pokemon game she wants. >She tugs at my jacket and asks if I could get it for her since it was high up. >I give it to her. >She says thank you. >I ask if she likes Pokemon and stuff. >She says yes. >I talk to her about Pokemon for a little bit and our favorite Pokemon. >Very nice little kid. >Her mom comes in the shop (Where was she?) >She sees me talking to the girl. >Comes over all quick and gets her away from me. >She gives me funny looks and asks what I'm doing. >I tell her I was just talking about the game and stuff. >She gives me more funny looks and says to stay away from her kid. >Makes a little scene in front of everybody there. >She then leaves with her kid telling her to not talk to random people. >Everybody is looking at me like I just raped someone. >Humiliated. >Leave immediately and go home. >Feel like a creeper when I was just trying to be friendly to a little kid.
Anonymous
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>>1487841 >First half of greentext D'awwww that kind of thing would make my d-
>Second half >mfw I know, I know, I should have expected it. Doesn't change the colossal amount of faggotry those parents are putting their child through. Anonymous
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I AM THE PAEDOFINDER GENERAL AND I PRONOUNCE YOU ALL GUILTY OF PEDOPHILIA
Anonymous
>>1482037 >But it was revealed that an eight year old boy was placed on board by mistake and is now trapped alone in space with the monster. Oh gawd ma sides british comedy is the best
Anonymous
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>>1488620 >This is the one thing we did not want to happen Flashing all over the screen. Holy shit.
Anonymous
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I pick up girlfriend from her job as a pre-school assistant, I haven't really had problems with the parents picking up their kids. Mostly Hispanic. Kids always say high to me. Going around with my lady or by myself I can't recall getting the stink-eye from people when their kids interact with me. I'll attribute it to me to being fairly good looking and approachable and the largely Hispanic population.
Anonymous !!GRb9Si3Ljzf
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I'll start>8th grade >asshole school administrator is trying to dismiss us from lunch >every time he opens his mouth the entire cafeteria erupts into applause >he keeps screaming at us >we keep applauding >kids stand up and cheer, get up on tables, etc. >they can't do anything about it since every single person in the cafeteria is clapping/cheering >end up being almost 25 minutes late to the class we have after lunch >nobody gets in trouble >fuckyeah.jpg
Anonymous
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>>1478977 Another teacher found some weird pseudo-bondage pictures involving his students. She handed them over to the police and they started investigating. Turns out he had got in to shit over similarly lulzy acts of depravity in the 90s but there wasn't enough evidence to prove any of it. This time they got photos, a spoon with his jizz on it (that was seen in one of the photos containing a "milky substance" near the mouth of one of his students) and the claims of many students that he felt them up or whatever.
Umby !Hugs38K/ko
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>>1478996 My school has only one guy that does computing. The head tech guy person, fuck knows his title, told the computing guy that if you want to take down our entire school system that the easiest way to do it is email bomb the school and it will shut the whole thing down immediately.
Anonymous
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>>1472769 >Global rules only apply to certain sections You're fucking retarded.
Anonymous
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>back in the old days of 5th grade in 2001 >discover a "shared folder" in the computer lab >I realize we can chat with each other by making new folders in it and naming the folder name >many hilarious moments such as "fuck (teacher's name)"
Anonymous
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>>1472251 i didn't lol but i smiles
Anonymous
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Mothers and Daughters Nude Together
Anonymous
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Holy fuck, you fucking asspie faggots. THIS kind of shit is why moot deleted this board in the first place! Why even bother having /r9k/ if it's just going to turn into /b/ 2.0 with underage faggots flooding every single thread with off topic faggotry?
Anonymous
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i just wanna eat pizza
Anonymous
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Pizza
Anonymous
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I'm surprised this hasn't been posted yet. It's probably by far the most widely circulated nude mother/daughter pic on the internet.
Anonymous
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>>1458761 why are you so mad about this thread ? your mother raped you or what ? are you some kind of harcore christfag ?
Anonymous !!x55gSzzIPmh
Introvert thread!>Being alone is awesome'an >Exhausted from being around people'an >Understanding what makes you tick'an >Daydreaming'an >Imagining our ideal world'an >Silently raging when people get confused when you don't want to go to parties'an >Having introverted friends who you have passionate discussions with'an u tistically-challenged picture. Although I'm not autistic.
Anonymous
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>>1434211 My ex-flatmate had a friend who did that course and they were a heavy extrovert. He didnt talk to the whole time and because he was internalising every thought it made him crazy. He had to goto a pysch hospital to get "fixed".
Anonymous
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I'm an introvert who has been slowly building up my "extrovertiness" skill levels. I can now be socialable for about 10-12 hours, whereas a few years ago 1 or 2 hours of being sociable would have wiped me out. I have a social job (Blackjack Dealer) so that helps alot.
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>>1436238 underageb&
8921398981989qk
Anonymous
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>>1433437 I stopped scrolling just to reply. HOLY CRAP I hate that. I am not fond of being touched, especially by strangers, but back of the neck sets off my punching reflex. I almost never wear my hair up anymore for this reason.
Anonymous
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>>1431615 That pic made me lol hard for some reason.
>>1436231 This.
Anonymous !wAvwo2I7O.
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Hello /r9k/, I bring you OC from the past few hours.
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So what, you're in year 9 OP? Or at least in high school? Fuck off underage babby.
Anonymous
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>did you use protection? >why should we tell u your a fucking cunt fuck off
Anonymous
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>this gurl doesn't know how to moderate her facebook profile
The only important thing in this thread is that Watson is a fucking cunt.
Anonymous
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>>1437916 >Please let this thread die now. It's absolutely worthless. lol nah.
this had better be original.
