ITT: stories about people who are bad with computers

>be looking at someone's computer
>obviously LOADED with viruses
>"do you have something for internet security? These sites look sketchy"
>"I just use incognito mode in google chrome, that means I don't have to worry about viruses."
>mfw

ITT: Mom Stories. Accidental Nudity, Incest, Funny, Bro-Mom, and Bitch moments.

>be 5yo
>get out of bed and head towards the bathroom to brush teeth
>mom is in our bathroom
>wearing no panties and a short robe, get an eye-full of mom snatch
>tfw first pussy you see outside of a magazine or computer screen was your mother's

>be 7yo
>watching tv in mom's room with mom and 6yo sister
>mom falls asleep
>sister starts touching mom's face and holding her nose close
>mom is a deep sleeper confirmed
>I keep watching tv, later sister say, "hey anon look"
>sister is squeezing moms tit and some milk is coming out
>sister starts sucking
>too beta to even try
>mom never woke up that night

>be 11yo
>looking in mom's closest for christmas gifts
>hear people talking outside of the room, voices getting closer
>close the closet door silently, turn off the light, and hide under her winter blankets in the corner
>here other woman's voice, must be mom's new gf
>after a minute or two hear moaning and I get out from under the blankets
>look through closet panel things and see mom eating her gf
>best two hour porn I've seen to this date.

would /r9k/ like to share any?

Throughout the night, I'm gonno post from my collection of screencaps, mostly of 4chan posts. Some of them epic, some philosophical, some funny, some just wtf. Just though I would share some shit.

ITT moments of terror in your life you'll never forget extra points if it doesn't involve a female

>be 16
>friend tells me he can "hack credit cards"
>he made a site where you enter your info to win a "free phone"
>got credit card info
>find a couple houses that were for sale
>break down the for sale signs
>order stuff online to those houses with a note that says "leave packages at back door"
>go pick up packages at midnight
>free ipods, skateboards, clothes, whatever we wanted
>did this for 2 months
>one night i go grab what was supposed to be a computer monitor
>pick up box
>it's empty
>fuck fuck fuck
>walk away with box anyway
>2 minutes later feds throw me to the ground
>smash face on cement
>confused as fuck
>get handcuffed instantly
>look around there's cops and feds EVERYWHERE
>holy shit
>my house gets raided
>i go to the police station
>interrogated for 5 hours
>get charged with grand larceny over $10,000
>identity fraud
>some other charges

i still have nightmares of getting thrown to the ground and my whole neighborhood watching me get arrested by guys in suits

>at summer camp, boy scout dinner
>guy gives a speech about his best friend who just died
>LET US PRAY
>silently think about how funny it would be if someone farted during prayer silence
>start laughing, everyone stares
>some other scouts laugh

Inappropriate laughter thread?

ITT: We tell stories about fleeting, one time connections with other humans we'll never see again. I have a few from when I traveled for work, so I'll start:
>on plane, just boarding
>find my seat, buckle up and mind my own business
>notice lady a few seats in front of me struggling to get her aging...father? or maybe grandfather situated on the plane, as well as some luggage she has
>flight attendant comes and gives her shit about something, possibly holding up the line
>they kinda get into it
>lady tries to open overhead bin across from me, but seems to be having trouble
>I calmly and gently get up, pop the latch and tell her "it opens like this"
>after take off
>lady comes by and passes me a scrap of paper
>I open it and inside is a handwritten "thank you"

I've had this idea for a while: What would a sitcom based on /r9k/ be like?

The main character, tentatively named Felix, is a socially awkward, self-diagnosed aspie virgin who spends most of his time in front of his computer. He's currently enrolled in an unspecified STEM-type program at an unnamed university. Despite coming across as shy and passive-aggressive to the outside world, Felix fancies himself somewhat of an intellectual, and spares no opportunity to mention his IQ of 150, as determined by numerous free websites. His wardrobe includes fedoras, trenchcoats, cargo shorts, capes embellished with MLP characters, and a fanny pack in which he carries his meals to minimize interaction with waiters and cashiers. Others customarily respond to Felix's social gaffes by merely shaking their heads and groaning, "That Felix!"

Felix's roommate, Norm, draws a sharp contrast to our reclusive friend. He's tall, handsome, athletic, outgoing, and the life of the party. He's majoring in a Liberal Arts course, and shares a dorm with Felix because it was the only room left. Norm seems to have a different girlfriend nearly every week, although some recur throughout the series. Norm is generally amiable towards Felix, but at one point confides in his girlfriend that he reminds him of "one of the guys from that Columbine movie". He is a member of the university's "Alpha Bro Yolo" fraternity.

Norm's girlfriends vary from week to week, but most share similar qualities such as being relatively attractive and insisting to Felix that they know what it's like to be alone, having gone without a boyfriend for X number of weeks. They and Norm often kick Felix out of the dorm room to have sex, during which time noises varying from goat bleats to Elvis impersonators can be heard.

Anyone else?

Considering I'll probably never see this girl in my life, give me your worst, robots.

Alright guys, I've started a thread by popular demand for more stories of Mandy's Ultimate Justice.
Here's a link to the thread I was posting in:
>>3195618
http://chanarchive.org/4chan/r9k/52367/tard-thread
I'm taking requests.
Pic related.

Let the feel threads and the kissless virgin threads wait for a minute. Lets get a good, old fashion tard thread.

>Be in elementary school
>Get put in special ed not because I'm special but because I had some anger problems
>Stupid school think to help my anger problems they should put me in the same room as a shitload of severely retarded people
>This one retard named John used to piss the shit out of me
>Little gay faggot who tried to sexually assault people including myself
>People made it a game.
>The idea of the game was to provoke the retarded kid and make him chase you around
>The losers got raped
>There were rarely winners
>I was in the upper leagues of this game because I was the target to John and I had the most experience.
>Was playing the game one day at recess
>John comes running up
>I thought about making it interesting and let him get close
>Bad idea
>He managed to grab me and with his tard strength the best me over the swing (I swear he had a boner) and pulled up his shirt was yelled "I WANT YOUR NIPPLES"
>What the fuck
>Elbow him in the side and get away
>Tell the teacher that I got raped.
>Tard got timeout
>Complained to the special ed teacher about what was happening
>She claimed that we were friends proving she's not smarter than a 4th grader (no pun intended that show sucks)

Another time
>I walk into the special ed trailer to face the horror that was my life.
>Teachers are sitting around being smartasses
>I say something
>Teacher makes smartass remark.
>John yells something sexual at me
>I say "Don't make me hurt you"
>Get a day out of school suspension