Update 2024-03-27: Greatly expanded the "Samples" page and renamed it to "Glossary".
Update 2024-04-04: Added 5 million mid-2011 posts from the k47 post dump. Browse (mostly) them here.
Update 2024-04-07: Added ~400 October 2003 posts from 4chan.net. Browse them here.
Welcome to Oldfriend Archive, the official 4chan archive of the NSA. Hosting ~170M text-only 2003-2014 4chan posts (mostly 2006-2008).
>Jerry Sandusky sat in anguish in his cleared out office. It was over. He was done. He buried his face in his hands and let out a small cry. Suddenly, he heard a knock at his door. Wiping his tears on his shirt, he opened the door to see a small boy standing there.
>"Hi, is this Hershey's?" he asked excitedly. "My mom dropped me off just now saying this is a chocolate factory!"
>Jerry smiled to himself. Perhaps he could cheer himself up after all. "No, but I certainly have some chocolate for you to sample. Have you ever played defensive end?" he asked.
>"No, but I'm willing to try anything, gramps!" said the small boy."
>Sandusky ushered the boy inside his office and placed a "GAY RAPE" sign on his door, then closed it. It was ok - Joe Paterno's eyesight was so bad at his age, he probably thought the sign said "Game tape".
>"Alright, boy, give me a 3-point stance," he said. The boy did as instructed.
>"Pretty good," said Sandusky, "but it could be better. You'll have to get completely naked if you want to be the simply best."
>"Of course I do!" said the unidentified boy. He clambered out of his tighty whities.
>"You must now refer to me simply as "Lion King"", said Sandusky. "Because we're the Penn State Lions."
>"Can I be Timon? I love Timon and Pumba," the boy said innocently."
>"Oh don't worry, I'll get you to moan," whispered Sandusky the Lion King. "Now bend over, Simba, I'm going to rip you apart like Uncle Scar."
>The boy did as instructed.
>"Wow!," said Sandusky after he had shoved himself in. "It's a small world after all!"
>"Hakuna matata!" the boy shouted. "Am I a true Penn State starter yet?"
>"Not quite," said Sandusky. "But I have a spot on the bench for you next to the other boys that have tried out."
>Sandusky stood up and walked to his closet, where a small humming was emanating.
>"Meet the rest of the team!" he shouted, as he opened the door. Several dozen boys came tumbling out.
Last night may have been the best baseball game I have ever witnessed in my entire life, and being a Cardinals fan was just icing on the cake.
Will game 7 be equally as legendary as game 6? Can the Rangers rebound from last night's crushing defeat? Will the Cardinals pull off the most improbable World Series victory ever? ARE YOUR BODIES READY?
HOLD ON TO YOUR BUTTS, FIRST PITCH COMING AT 7:05.
You niggers will never reach the height of /sp/artans. I'd rather talk sports with yuros who don;t care about stupid fucking gets and discuss sports and other bro related things than pathetic American weeabos and autistic teenagers
>TheDaringKobald walked slowly back to his room. He had spent the past few hours walking the campus of his community college aimlessly, trying to make sense of his team's loss to the horrible Chiefs. In his room, he gingerly cleared his hovel of a bed of the spaghetti and Mt Dew cans and slowly began to cry. He heaved and heaved, like Al Davis did from hell when he heard about the Palmer trade. A rock hit his window - he thought for a second it was another errant Kyle Boller throw, but alas - he peeked out the grimy window to the street below and saw a large man with a severe neckbeard. His heart leapt with excitement - it was LeX! He sprinted down the stairs of his dorm complex and wrenched the door open. >"Hey honey" he said, kissing the large man before him >"Hey TDK," LeX said. "I heard you had a rough day. Maybe if I play with your black hole a little bit, it'll cheer you up?" >TDK grinned big. "You always were good at working with wood." He grabbed the large man by the hand and lead him to his room
