I've been looking for a movie I saw about 7 years ago. It was this redhead girl in a bar with a guy, and she asked if he wanted to have sex with her and he said no. She then said that everyone in the bar wants sex with her and grabbed a random dude and went downstairs with him and had sex with him on a pool table, the first guy then came down and knocked out the guy she was with with a pool que. That's all I remember hopefully one of you can help me find the name of the movie.

For those of you who are, unfortunatley, familiar with VH1's reality shows, you know about I Love New York and it's trailer trash protagonist.

For those of you not familiar with it, here's an ultra informative wikipedia article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Love_...28TV_series%29

They're starting a new season and the guys on the show will be determined via popular vote. It is our duty as citizens of this great internet to cause as much havvoc as is possible with this vote.

here's the plan. we vote for this guy: http://ilovenewyork2.com/people/TheFireman

He's perfect. White, fat, neckbeard, ginger, pretty much the opposite of all the overtanned guidos and wannabe thugs who are on the ballot. The comedy unleashed if this man made the show would be immense.

Also, I stress, DO NOT CHEAT. If we cheat for this guy, he gets DQed and that would be bad.

HIDE

I heard in advance that this episode was supposed to be especially well-made. What I actually watched may have been *visually* well-made, but the usual disaster plot-wise, but instead of featuring a few huge gaping holes, it instead features many small ones, so this is going to be a long one.

The first thing we learn about the ghost, is that, quote: "She's so... ...dead." No, she's... ...not. Maybe it's an honest misinterpretation from the psychic, but this is never even apologized for or referred to again. It's a blatant lie to mislead the viewers, from out of nowhere.

The Doctor begins the episode by exposing a friendly former spy in front of a witness, with no other reason than to flaunt his knowledge, and you can tell that the writer was aware that exposing him as a traitor and a military intelligence target, would piss him off, yet somehow there is nothing wrong with our "hero" exposing someone with such a "villainous" job, possibly destroying the mans future military career.
I've generally had it up to here with the Doctor being awesome, having been everywhere, experienced everything, having done everything, having invented everything, knowing everything, and so on, and going about boasting about it all the time. There is nothing great about the human race, because all our accomplishments is just him. He's as inflated as a balloon at this point.

Then, for comic relief, the Doctor continues to be the anti-social and annoying five-year-old, by fiddling with equipment, because that's how he gets to know people that he wants to stay friends with. Later on he taps Clara hard on the fontanelle just to get her attention, which is one step more annoying than grabbing one of her breasts. He's like an autistic child.

He's shown a couple of photos that's blurred and disfigured beyond recognition, but in such a way that this can NOT be a normal human being. What sort of blur blackens out the eyes and mouth?

At this point the random scares start. These are scares like "man walking past a camera", "draft blowing out candles", "...but I'm not holding your hand!", "ghost writing on a wall", and they have no freaking relation to what is actually going on. This is the hallmark of POOR writing. The cold spot in the music room does actually have an explanation, though: It's a place where the border between the warm house and the cold forest is thin, and the Doctor uses this spot to create a wormhole later on.

We are shown what must be the actual "well" - the reason that the ghost is called "The Witch of the Well". This well is vertical, swirling, and has cracks in it, like a black mirror, but I guess ghosts in wells are scarier since The Ring. (The Doctor explains that it's a "reality well", but the first people who encountered it wouldn't know that.)

As pair number one gets to know pair number two, we learn that the spy and the companion has never "done it", and that it is "a very fine cause to defeat the enemy". Sometimes it doesn't hurt to specify "it" to be "dated" and "the enemy" to be the nazis of WWII. We also learn that the spy both has a guilty conscience, and has no regard for the demise of others. He has survivors guilt, but would also like to thank the ones he's killed for dying, instead of sparing them a thought.

So the Doctor gets some idea to "go always", from 6 billion years ago, to the end of the planet, expecting to find the ghost there, by just taking some pictures in the general area, using an old camera, without even bringing the psychic along, because apparently the ghost is infallibly photogenic in the entire area. ...and also across the entire lifespan of the planet, or else the Doctor wouldn't travel that far back or forward. I reckon that she would only be visible from the beginning of her journey (a few hundred years back), to the end of it (a few hundred years in the future), but apparently not.

The result is that we get clear, undistorted, unblurred pictures. ...somehow. If this was due to the Tardis, why not simply bring the blurry pictures, taken with the same camera, and run them through the Tardis's descrambler?
Anyway, they get her full name somehow, and learn that she's a time traveller - a HUMAN time traveller, we later learn. Suddenly Doctor Who isn't alone in the universe, and the Time Lords aren't that special anymore, with time travel being just some technological advances away for humans, and probably other races as well.

So the Doctor goes into the time pocket, and right away I'm noticing the flaw in his plan: How is he supposed to find a rope in a forest? Not very bright, is he?

The random scare tactics continue in the forest as well: We have "camera being the monster, but not really", "people being startled by eachother for no reason", "creature is right behind him, but not actually" and so on. They're more relevant now, but still plain stupid.

The Doctor enters the alternative mansion and locks the door with a... ...bicycle lock? Where did he get a modern bicycle lock from in this era? Does he always carry one around, just in case? The camera even zooms in on it, like: "Look! A bicycle lock! Clever, huh?!" Him using the bowtie at the next door is much better, though.

...but everything goes wrong, so we have to have this big emotional scene where people have to talk feelings. In this episode it actually fits, though.

Meanwhile Clara and the Tardis has a chat, and the Tardis gives a strict time limit for how long it can be in the pocket universe: "In four seconds I'd the stranded. I ten I'd be dead."
Clara doesn't listen because she's an idiot, so off they go anyway.

Meanwhile the Doctor FINALLY stops running, and asking the creature what the hell it wants. Finally he's doing what the Doctor is supposed to be doing: Asking questions and communicating, instead of taking things at face value. He still believes that this creature is a man-eating "boogieman", though, and for a creature that's only out to find its way home to its mate, it sure isn't bringing anything diplomatic to the conversation by laughing sadisticly all the time. The title "Hide" is explained here, to be a completely insignificant part of the story, so good job there.

The Doctor figures out that it wants back, but then asks it to chase him for no reason. Then the monster knocks him to the ground, again for no freaking reason. ...and then the Tardis enters. It pushes the creature away, and then the Doctor grabs it, somehow, without tearing his arms from their sockets, and all this in a whooping four seconds! Just four seconds!

Well, actually it was more like EIGHTEEN seconds, but who's counting? Maybe the Tardis was all spinning so fast that it somehow doesn't count, right? Maybe it doesn't count unless it actually lands on solid ground? ...or maybe eighteen seconds just doesn't sound dramatic enough.

Meanwhile the psychic sounds like she's giving birth, and then everything is fine again.

Then the Doctor says that he's slow. He explains it like it's a trait of his 11th incarnation: "I am slow - I'm notorious for it. That's always been my problem, but I get there in the end." So the 11th is now officially the STUPID Doctor.

Well, he MUST be, because he suddenly concludes that as there are TWO monsters, they must all love eachother very much, for no reason other than that the monster didn't want to kill him. The clues were that Clara wasn't happy, and handholding, and we're somehow meant to facepalm at that and feel stupid for not noticing something "so obvious". Everything needs to shag everything - the most fundamental law of the universe.

...but this wasn't the meltdown of this episode. No, the meltdown is what happens exactly at the very end:
We see six seconds more of the Tardis this time, and the Doctor telling the creature to get ready to jump.
Here's a freaking thought: The Doctor used a rope to get there, and time moves really slowly over there. They have plenty of time, so why don't they just go to the store and buy two REALLY long ropes, and then HAUL themselves BACK through the entrance?
...but no: Instead the plan is this: Clara, who can barely pilot the Tardis, will pilot the Tardis. She will pick up TWO passengers this time, again in just four seconds, so I guess that she will just get one shot before she has to go back again. She will do this without crashing, even though she is spinning wildly out of control. Each passanger - one of who is just revealing that he can stand upright and maybe understand english - will jump at the wildly spinning Tardis as it comes flying. They will not get pummeled and killed by the Tardis. They will hit the Tardis, and they will grab hold of the Tardis. They will keep their hold of the Tardis, no matter what centrifugal forces are at work. Doing so, they will piggyback back across time, again with Clara as the pilot.

...or as Clara puts it: "Whoohoo!"

It's like you all get sick of watching shitty films, well i know thats not true from the talk below.

COLD WAR

This story was bland, with not that much plot to speak of, which isn't surprising, considering that the whole episode takes place inside a stranded submarine. I get why there has to be submarine plots, because submarines are awesome, but from a plot standpoint, that's confining the plot to a large locked closet.

Do you know what doesn't belong on a russian submarine? David Warner. Even if you may not recognize him by name, everybody knows who David Warner is. David Warner is one of the most active BRITISH sci-fi actors, and can pass of as russian as much as a red double-decker bus can.

This submarine has apparently taken a block of ice back with it. ...and the way they store this block of ice, is upright, in the middle of a non-refridgerated room, and apparently the way it keeps cool is through liquid nitrogen dispensers resting on top of it. That's not the stupid part, because let's say that it didn't fit in their fridge. No, the stupid part is that one of the crewmen can't wait to find out what is inside, and decides to melt the block with a blowtorch.

Let's say that the block of ice did NOT contain a cryogenicly frozen alien that comes alive. Let's say that all that the crewman would thaw up, is a big dead mammoth, stinking and decomposing the whole unventilated trip back to Russia. I think that would be next to treason aboard a nuclear submarine. That would be biological warfare. That guy would be assigned cleanup duty of half a ton worth of baby mammoth, and then the crew would somehow forget that he was still inside the ballast tank when they locked the door to it and emptied it.

...but lucky for him, the iceblock just contains an alien menace.
Then arrives the Tardis, that just decides to wind up inside a nuclear sub. It drops off the Doctor, and then, for convenience's sake, it LEAVES again. The explanation we get is that while it clearly decided to go there on its own, it also thought it would be too dangerous to actually STAY there. What a great way to keep ITSELF out of harm: Lure the drivers outside, and THEN just leave without warning.

I couldn't care less about this martian ice warrior. I know it sounds tragic, because apparently some lobbying efforts went into bringing back this enemy into the series, but there's nothing special about it. It's just a cruel, fearsome warrior, which sets it apart from absolutely no other type of enemy in the Doctor Who universe. It's great that Mars is inhabited and can become a close-range threat to Earth, though, but that's for another episode, if that will ever happen at all in the future.

At first the martian is contained, but nobody but civilians are allowed to speak to it, or even be in the same room as it, because somehow being military would piss it off. They're more aggressive than klingons! ...so they have to send in Clara to appologize and beg for a truce, because somehow civilians can negotiate for the military, if it's not on the actual BEHALF of the military.

So then the martian breaks loose, and goes around killing people, and somehow it has suddenly ended up at the launch console inside the guarded bridge. How? We see guards outside a closed door firing uselessly at it, and then what he must have done off-camera, is pound himself through a thick metal door. I would have liked to see that, especially since The Doctor is actually in pursuit.

Then we have the finale, where the Doctor just tries every single desperate tactic in the book to at least delay the martian from launching the missile a few seconds more. It's a pathetic display, especially since people has demonstrated how effective cattle prods are to these things. Instead of asking him to turn around to face a useless screwdriver, why not simply apply a cattle prod to his lower back again? ...or are cattle prods too scary for the Doctor to use, no matter if the world blows up?

So in the end, the martian's buddies has to come back to save him, for this excuse for an episode to be resolved.

...but no, it's not over yet. The episode hasn't yet achieved a complete fucking meltdown yet. The missile is still armed, and everyone onboard the submarine is so completely helpless. The captain, who has been shown using a key to arm the missile in the beginning of the episode, is just standing around helpless as the camera zooms in on the keyhole that arms the missile. Here's an idea: You have a key. Maybe that keyhole works BOTH ways, so if you at least TRY to insert your key into that keyhole, and TURN it, something might actually happen. ..., captain.

...but noo, what it ACTUALLY takes, is for somebody to sing the chorus to "Hungry Like The Wolf", because the martian somehow, out of the blue, liked the professor. ...or that particular song. Whatever. Fuck off.

Then, the Doctors screwdriver, that apparently now also works as a pager, is being paged by the Tardis, to tell him that it's a fucking dick, and that it will be waiting for him at the south pole.

I've started to hate Doctor Who. This series has gone from a series known for being rational and intelligent, to a series that pees all over reason and logic.

THE RINGS OF AKHATEN

It is kind of funny to see The Doctor stalking children, and even their parents. I actually like this new creepy side to him.

I freaking LOVED the market. NEW aliens! LOTS of them! It actually FEELS like the universe is inhabited by more than just a new races!

...but magically the FRUIT here isn't very alien. As Clara can just take a bite out of it without getting sick, those flourescent things but be grown in England somewhere. (Don't eat fruits from other countries, children. Spending your vacation sitting on the toilet, isn't what your parents had in mind.)

The story is stable up to where the plot actually begins, but after the girl is getting kidnapped, the story begins to fall apart more and more.

The Doctor and Clara run off to buy a bike, because somehow they seem to have forgotten that they have an infinitely faster and more reliable mode of transportation in every way - one that can even get past such a bizarre thing as encrypted stone doors.

Apparently this vampire grandfather, is trapped inside a glass cage. Why? In case it starts sleepwalking? If the cage makes it unable to feed on souls, then why have it in the first place?

...and then we have the freaking stand-off. "Stay back! I'm armed! ...with a screwdriver!" What happened to talking? Tennants Doctor could talk his way out of any situation, and he never once said "Stay back! I'm armed!" and *meant* it, because that would require a firearm like *a gun*. ...and if the Eleventh Doctor insists on putting himself into these Tardis-less situations, where he can't think of any useful ideas, then I really recommend him getting one.

...but a Dragon Ball stand-off it is. Apparently the screwdriver now functions as some sort of magical energy repellant. "Why use brains, when I have this magical energy shield?"

...but this is so far only *fairly* stupid. What happens next, is that the Doctor has no freaking idea what to do about the actual "god", so he starts feeding the galaxy consuming entity things such as *forbidden knowledge*, because somehow that's a really smart idea.
The scene then turns into some sort of melancholic emotional word war, about how special things have special meanings, and how emotions can destroy suns. People sing, people cry, and the orchestra is loud. Bollocks.

...but wait, there's more! It all ends in something so stupid that I screamed out loud. This overfeeding is not only meant to *satiate* the entity, but also *destroy it*. At this point, an important part to remember, is that this entity is *A SUN*! ...as in "a sun that seven worlds depend upon to LIVE"!

We don't get to see the panic and the horrible, freezing fate that befalls the people on the rings, just because some stupid Doctor didn't like or understand their culture. Instead we just get to see him and Clara arriving safely at home. At this point it's like Hitler and Eva Braun smiling and smalltalking.

The Bells of Saint John

Overall, this episode was good. It's Moffat, so it's bound to be soaring above all the filler episodes to come in between this one and the last episode to be shown in May. The episode was submerged in lots of "magical hacking" handwaving that nobody without mad skillz can argue with, and there were inconsistencies, but the awesome dialogue is back, and that makes up for most of it.

Here's a list of griefs:
Yes, "you don't know where you are" - Jesus Christ!
Why the alien symbols? These guys weren't aliens at all. Why not just have a connection called simply "Internet"?
Why do they operate in this manner at all? The theme of hacking aside, they send out these "Spoonheads" to people who connect to Wifi on their computer, because their the internet connection of their computers act as a sort of relay, but here's a thought: Why not simply install a direct transmitter into these Spoonheads, or at least a Wifi connection, and then just go pick off anybody living alone?
Operating Twitter is portrayed as something that only leet internet users know of. That's like an advanced science, and a sign of a computer genius.
The scene where The Doctor rides out of the Tardis on a motorcycle, the doors close behind them from shot to shot. They don't even look back at the doors. They just leave the doors to the Tardis wide open in front of a crowd, and don't look back. That's just asking for somebody to sneak inside!
We are meant to believe that Doctor Who can remotely program a robot that he just encountered, to ride an anti-grav motorcycle up a skyscraper, and then have a natural conversation with the leader.

The biggest grief I have, is that the Spoonheads are really, really slow, and don't affect The Doctor one bit. Every scene with a Spoonhead, involved their targets staring mesmerized and frozen, as the Spoonheads slowly, slowly turn to face them, even in the case of Miss Kislet, who is very familiar with what they do. Unless we're talking about an indirect aim, like a wifi signal bouncing off walls, I could circle one of these things for hours.

There was a big emo-fuck when Miss Kislet was revealed to only have been a child at her abduction and conversion, having been a slave her whole natural life-span. That's pretty inhuman.

The Doctor naturally wants Clara to come with him, but I don't think it's because she's a thrilling character. It's because he knows that if she doesn't get to see the stars, she is going to end up on the Alaska, to be turned into a Dalek. She's going to end up on the Alaska anyway, or else she won't be there to save The Doctor, but at least there's a way to compensate for that fate, by having her die after having completed her life's dream. He might very well be doing this to mourn her death.

Maybe I'm spoiled with Moffats great episodes, where the intrigue is clever and solid, but Steve Thompsons The Curse of the Black Spot made me question why I was watching Doctor Who at all (so naturally I come to 4chan to whine, because I know that you all care very much). It was clear that it was a filler episode even before Wikipedia confirmed it (as it was previous scheduled as the ninth episode, but later easily moved) but very sloppily(?) done.

There was nothing wrong with the basic premise, but the line is crossed when the Doctor "invents" that parallell universes can be linked through reflective surfaces. I'm not a nerd boy expecting everything to be canon, but this was handwaving a solution: "X can be a portal to alien spaceships sometimes."

The Doctor previously mentioned that the myth about sirens was persistent for a valid reason, so this implies that derelict spaceships ROUTINELY seeks out ships at sea with reflective surfaces to project their holographic medical AIs through. The alternative is that... ...the ships somehow crashed into eachother for some reason? ...and the boy infected them with typhoid fever? This is never explained, and yet this is most likely an obvious filler that will never be referred back to or explained further.

...but all these insane things doesn't compare to the finale, where they find Rory strapped to a medical table, because he's been kept alive so that he doesn't drown. His condition is easy to cure: His lungs are filled with water. I can understand that the ship doesn't know how to cure him, but the Doctor is known for his TREMENDOUS skills with alien computers, so this is where he should point his sonic screwdriver to the ships medical bank and explain to it that fluid doesn't belong in human lungs. Alternatively they could manually resusitate his heart and lungs while he's being kept alive.

Instead we have yet another cliché lifesaving scene where Rory magically gets better once Amy has stopped breaking his ribs, all because the series wants to explain to the viewers that she loves him and that he matters. It's so cliché and horribly contrived that what this scene does, is making Rory into an annoying burden.

Me and my crew are getting ready to film a Zombie short film and I would really appreciate if you helped us out by donating. All the info is on the Kickstarter project page below. If everybody who reads this donated $1-$5, we would reach our goal overnight! Thank you so much for your time and have a great day!


http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1756664365/rise-of-the-living-dead-for-film-festival

Hi!
I'm a typical horror movie watcher. I masturbate all the fucking time, mostly every time I see red meat. Blood and meat and gore just turns me on. I have to see women screaming and getting decapitated to cum. Murder porn! I imagine that I'm the massmurderer on the screen, and just go around fucking women with my knife/axe/whatever. I'm normal! It's no secret that 75% of all people who watch horror movies, are just doing it to jerk off to them. If I bring a date, I bang her in the cinema while she screams and coughs blood. Satan used to be a major turn-on for me as well, but that got old at the turn of the century.
Am I right or am I right? I know that you have your hand down your pants right now, just thinking about killing all those bitches who didn't want you, don't you?