Hello /a/. You were made too sensitive to really appreciate the world. People don't appreciate sensitivity. And sensitivity abused and neglected turns into bitterness, or appears to. And when you're bitter, you try to judge just as hard as you feel that you're being judged. It's ok. There is a magnificent being inside your skull that can really love you and nurture you. Don't forget about it, no matter how it manifests. And don't be ashamed of it either. It will come down from the sky and hold you. It will soothe the angry and frightened child locked up in there with it. If you look outward for this being, you're only looking for a substitute, or an impersonator. But nothing out there is the same as this force, you can only pretend it is. You can never know anything as powerful or personally as you can know this force. How does it appear to you? It comes to me as a faceless, wingless angel on a cloud of needles. Don't forget that this thing can value you, like you can't value yourself and like others don't.