/adv/ - Advice » Thread #10207808

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Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 01:12:08 No.10207808 View View Reply Original Report

Quoted By:

>Go to friends engagement party last night
>"I won't be drinking guys, I think I should stop because nothing good ever comes of it"
>They beg me all night to have a drink with them
>Get into it
>Before I know I'm the fucking DJ and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing on stage, holding the mic and screaming "ARE YOU FUCKING READY" over and over again
>Continiously keep slipping and falling down in front of everyone.
>Eventually puke on stage, everyone is freaking out screaming
>feeling the puke coming again, I press my lips tightly and eventually say " It's okay guys, I swallowed it."
>everyone is filming me and laughing
>Took my shirt off at some point because I thought I have muscles
>For some reason continue drinking
>friends begging me to stop, the fiancee of my friend is in tears
>"Please man, just go I'm begging you."
>"No man, tonight- WE'RE GETTING FUCKED UP."
>Eventually get thrown out
>Some random dude from the same party hits me up
>We go to a taco bell
>Start flipping tables and the guy is cussing out niggers
>We get a shitload of food in bags
>Lose it all at some point after we got a bottle of jack
>Hit on some random bitch, try to be "confident" she slaps me
>Continue puking my shit out

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 12:42:07 No.10211539 Report

Quoted By:

wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuub

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 12:43:47 No.10211543 Report

Quoted By:

Toasting in epic thread

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 12:47:07 No.10211556 Report

Quoted By:

OP, pack your stuff and move away. abandon everything you have and never come back again.

it's part of your friends fault aswell since they made you drink in the first place.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 12:55:31 No.10211580 Report

Quoted By:

Nothing is funny about your story OP. I'm very sorry you're at that point in your life, please turn yourself around.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 13:13:47 No.10211639 Report

Quoted By:

Last night I got drunk as fuck. I ended up sleeping with one of my best friends.
I have no idea what to do now.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 13:27:46 No.10211694 Report

Quoted By: >>10211773

Holy shit this thread is still alive, op here, but I need to get to work soon.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 13:58:41 No.10211761 Report

Quoted By: >>10211776 >>10212040

>Arrive at friends apartment
>Finish two bottles of Vodka between four of us within an hour and a half
>We decide to go out
>Arrive at Greenside (street full of bars)
>Drink three shots of tequila and two beers
>Getting relatively smashed now
>Friend and I go off on our own and start causing shit.
>The following happened somewhere in the blurry haze of two hours.

>Walked up to a pale girl and said "Your pallid flesh makes you look like a vampire."

>My friend went up to a girl who was sitting outside a bar texting on her phone with tears in her eyes. He took her phone away and began patting her on the head. She went mad and slapped him.

>Started pouring beer down from the balcony of a bar onto the people on the street below.
>The bouncer pulled us aside violently and we told him that we were pouring it in honor of a friend who had died exactly a year ago.
>He believed us.

>At one point I began speaking only in rap. I don't even like rap.

>Stand guard at the girls bathrooms in another bar and just block the way. Don't say anything, just stare straight ahead like a soldier. We got kicked out of that one pretty fast.

>Woke up at 10 am this morning feeling terrific and regretting nothing.
>"Riches mo bitches" was a phrase spoken many times for some reason.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 14:08:20 No.10211773 Report

Quoted By:

>>10211694
I can't believe you have a job.

I love you OP

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 14:09:05 No.10211776 Report

Quoted By:

>>10211761
You regret nothing because you didn't do anything exciting. Pretty tame night that you enjoyed.
Best way to go.

noko

noko Sat 30 Jun 2012 14:15:04 No.10211797 Report

Quoted By:

For you people that dont know how to deal with ANY kind of alcohol humiliation, repeat after me: It doesnt even matter.

Trust me, ive gone all the way through it.. It is the god damn truth.... Everything involved in the fear and embarrassment is false.. so just save energy and dont get embarrassed.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 14:16:23 No.10211799 Report

Quoted By:

>be 20
>at friend's going away party
>be 120lb lightweight motherfucker
>take 7 shots of vodka
>friend pulls me outside to smoke
>be high and drunk as shit
>everyone goes to the pool for some reason
>decide fuck this gay shit, i'm going back to drink more
>stumble around looking for the room for 45 minutes
>somehow in the street, car drives by
>friend and i fall to our knees in laughter for no fucking reason
>finally reach room
>mfw room was only 2min away
>decide to take more shots
>i'm up to 12, fuck yeah
>everyone comes in and sees us attempting to pour drinks
>literally dumping alcohol onto the counter near our glasses
>look at each other and burst into treats laughing
>can't even walk to the bathroom
>2 friends carrying me by my arms
>scream "i'm the flying jesus!"

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 14:52:33 No.10211875 Report

Quoted By:

You've made my day OP, best story I've ever heard. Pls provide us with moar when you wake up.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 15:09:20 No.10211901 Report

Quoted By:

Amazing thread! I can't contribute because I don't drink (never have) - saw people spiking my coke at a party once so, looking for something to laugh at, I passed it too another guy who wasn't drinking. He stumbled around the rest of the night trying to work out what was going on (and looking for pizza)

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 15:13:49 No.10211911 Report

Quoted By: >>10212043

Here we go.

>Be 2008 in London
>Been drinking too much over the last few months
>Friend/landlord gives me one last chance to redeem myself, so get invited to party with some Polish people
>Get there, start drinking but everything is okay for now
>8/10 blonde Polish girl starts hitting on me, what could go wrong
>Night goes on getting more and more drunk
>I start getting pushy in my advances on her, she gets scared.
>Now can't walk straight so I go to the bathroom
>Decide to drain the main vein but I instead piss in my pants (forgot to unzip)
>Wrap towel around my waist and go back out (they know)
>Still hit on girl obviously rejected
>Piss myself again, this point I'm still drinking and slipping in and out of coma
>Get full fury over being turned down and so start punching walls/doors and start threatening people
>Get manhandled and kicked out
>mfw different girl I liked saw the whole thing

So don't feel bad OP

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 15:20:00 No.10211925 Report

Quoted By:

ARCHIVE THIS SHIT!

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 15:23:18 No.10211935 Report

Quoted By:

>tfw not OP

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 15:39:22 No.10211963 Report

Quoted By:

Alright OP I don't Care if the Story is made up or Not, it just made my Day and Night.

I was depressed As shit, than read it and literally laughed for 10 minutes Straight. After that I was like "okay that was Fun, but back to being depressed" Than I looked at the Story again just to instantely Read

"Are you fucking Ready?!"
I wasn't and Lost it again so please more stuff like that and by God somebody needs to screen Cap it.

Murse !!Zg/behKj1nE

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO Yo that shit is quack bro.jpg, 65KiB, 500x499

Murse !!Zg/behKj1nE Sat 30 Jun 2012 15:51:52 No.10211988 Report

Quoted By: >>10212997

Might aswell contribute.

>One of the first times going out in uni
>Still not used to hard licor
>Have the usual dinner at friends house
>Eat some lasagnha
>Drink a liter of beer because of how spicy the home made lasgnha was
>It's ~00:15 time to go out
>Friend's house is literally 1-2min walking distance from the plaza where all the clubs/bars are
>Get to our university's departments bar
>Start taking shots
>Friends want to drink with me to celebrate the kickass show I made during the previous days hazing
>And more shots
>And more shots
>And more shots
>End up drinking some 15 shots in some 20minutes
>Go take a piss because I can't take it no more
>Dance a bit with friends
>Check watch, ~1:30
>Wake up in friends house
>"What...the fuck?"
>Check watch, 8:47
>Look around
>She is getting dressed
>I'm in the couch in her room with a blanket over me
>Blanket is puked
>Couch is puked
>Pillow is puked
>Floor is puked
>Carpet is puked
>Push blanket away
>Shit is puked
>Situp to put my sneakers on
>They're puked too
>She looks at me with a look of dissapoint because she dragged me and I puked her whole room
>She goes to classes, I go home to shower & change clothes

We've become best friends and it's a running gag ever since.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO thatsright.jpg, 4KiB, 299x168

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 15:52:48 No.10211990 Report

Quoted By:

>going to some party already knocked up just looking for places with lights and sound
>entering the '' partyhall '' looks like everyone is staring at me while im taking my jacket off
>grind about 4women.. not sure if they were all that good looking
>walk around, like i didn't think about it pick up the purse in front of me walk away with it, grab something square in it and drop the purse
>put the square item in my pocket without looking what it is
>keep lighting my imaginary cigarette and whine why it's not going on
>some phone keeps ringing in my pocket and it's really disturbing my conversation about the europa league with some random guy
>get slammed on my jaw and fall down staying there for about 15 seconds before getting up
>after i got up get tackled down by bouncers and pushing/kicking me out of the club
>end up losing my phone yelling at the bouncer and starting a fight with 2 6'9 dudes.. get bruised up more
>long walk home, slept somewhere on a bench for an hour or 2 to rest
>come home tell my wife im an asshole and don't understand why she loves me
>utter depression next day(s)
>wife calls psychiatrist because she doesn't understand whats going on
>after i foudn that out, when wife went to work couple mornings ago, packed my clothes went to my sister explained to her and i could stay with her for a little while

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 15:53:34 No.10211991 Report

Quoted By:

>>10209311
I'm from Cyprus, this shit happens all the time.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 16:21:34 No.10212036 Report

Quoted By:

>>10211523
>>10211536

>Hurricane Timmy

My sides.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 16:22:49 No.10212040 Report

Quoted By:

>>10211761
>Walked up to a pale girl and said "Your pallid flesh makes you look like a vampire."

Oh god.. This sounds like the kind of thing I'd do. They'd get mad and not realize I kind of meant it as a compliment.

>My friend went up to a girl who was sitting outside a bar texting on her phone with tears in her eyes. He took her phone away and began patting her on the head. She went mad and slapped him.

Brilliant.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 16:24:53 No.10212043 Report

Quoted By:

>>10211911
>Been drinking too much over the last few months
>Friend/landlord gives me one last chance to redeem myself,
>so get invited to party with some Polish people
>mfw

This logic confuses me..

goffick !u0rW6LmAxw

goffick !u0rW6LmAxw Sat 30 Jun 2012 16:39:16 No.10212076 Report

Quoted By:

I love these threads.

Story one: "Just for sits and giggles"
>Be sixteen, hanging out with a good friend after school in his cabin
>He pulls an entire bottle of vodka from the freezer
>"Well alright then."
>Halfway through the bottle we decide to have a tea party
>Replace tea with just more vodka
>So he and I set up a table outside (fancy tablecloth and china, a bong, cheezits and junk food)
>We talk in accents the whole time and act like ladies and gentlemen
>He pulls out chair, offering me a place to sit
>"After you, Lady anon!"
>Sit down
>The chair breaks under me
>It's a children's chair
>My ass is full of splinters and I can't stop laughing

I have more stories if anyone's interested.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 16:41:24 No.10212084 Report

Quoted By:

Of course we want more, preferably funnier and more regret due to memory loss!

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1310307615942.jpg, 23KiB, 547x565

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 17:00:31 No.10212122 Report

Quoted By:

>mfw this whoie thread

also OP might want to read this

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2033079/Acohol-doesnt-make-behave-badly-just-stops-ca
ring-embarrassment-say-scientists.html

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1236312838090.jpg, 191KiB, 604x402

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 17:01:48 No.10212123 Report

Quoted By:

>I have more stories if anyone's interested.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 17:11:30 No.10212132 Report

Quoted By:

This sounds like a normal story you might hear on the bluelight forums. Go through this thread, pay particular attention to Phreex's posts...
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/38590-Meth-psychosis-stories-you-know-you-have-one

Shit, I need to lurk that site more.

goffick !u0rW6LmAxw

goffick !u0rW6LmAxw Sat 30 Jun 2012 17:12:22 No.10212133 Report

Quoted By: >>10212175 >>10212185

You got it, buster

Story two: "Yohoho and a bottle of rum"
>Friend's birthday
>Friend from the first story,
Birthdayfriend, birthdayfriend's loser boyfriend , her other friend, birthdayfriend's mother and I
>Get to her apartment, relax and smoke a few bowls with birthdayfriend's mother and catch up
>All of the sudden, B (as usual) pulls out some vodka and some grape juice from his bag
>Youdirtyfuck.txt
>Birthdayfriend's mom hands me a full bottle of tequila and a full bottle of rum before going to bed
>After countless swigs of tequila, it's time to get my vomit face on
>Skip merrily to bathroom, vomit on shower curtain
>Crawl into bathtub yelling "Chips ahoy, ye mighty wenches!"
>Everything is a hat when you are drunk, therefor lampshade hats for all
>Start playing a drinking game equivalent of "Never have I ever"
>Oh no, they find out I'm a virgin
>better vomit on the coffee table
>Hardly know birthdayfriend's friend, make lesbian passes at her
>Friend pulls out fingerpaints from preparty
>My face is purple and vomit colored
>Blackout
>Semi-conscious, on the bathroom floor nursing a bottle of rum
>Shitfaced birthdayfriend'sloserboyfriend comes in screaming "FEMANON. MOVE OR I'MMA VOMIT ON JOOOO."
>"NO."
>I punch him in the dick, he busts out laughing and spews vomit everywhere
>Blackout again
>He's trying to drag me out of the bathroom and take of my boots
>"Femanon, you need you sleep"
>"FUCK SLEEP, I'M AN AAAADUUULLLLLTTTT"
>Blackout once again
>It's morning
>I'm hungover and need to take multivitamins
>Friend hands me water
>It'smorevodka.jpg

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1313328443596.jpg, 21KiB, 216x242

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 17:37:16 No.10212169 Report

Quoted By:

>I called my chubby friend a "Hamplanet that needs to go for a run"

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 67033.jpg, 37KiB, 300x360

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 17:42:18 No.10212175 Report

Quoted By:

>>10212133

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 17:48:03 No.10212185 Report

Quoted By: >>10212239

>>10212133

OP British?

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1340995781271.gif, 3MiB, 290x189

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 18:04:45 No.10212209 Report

Quoted By: >>10212345

Please don't let this thread die.

Ever.

goffick !u0rW6LmAxw

goffick !u0rW6LmAxw Sat 30 Jun 2012 18:22:56 No.10212239 Report

Quoted By:

>>10212185
Nah, American.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 18:59:41 No.10212281 Report

Quoted By:

>>10209026
What sick country does that?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 19:05:54 No.10212291 Report

Quoted By:

This is literally what I'm afraid of every time I drink.

Fuck you OP for scaring me :(

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 19:17:43 No.10212323 Report

Quoted By:

ok so where are the youtube videos of you acting like a jackass on stage op?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 19:30:19 No.10212345 Report

Quoted By: >>10212379

>>10212209
omg this gif has made my life.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 19:42:29 No.10212371 Report

Quoted By:

Iim the only one of my friends who ddoesnt drink and I always feel like the killjoy loser because of it but holy shit even if being drunk if half this bad I'm glad I don't holy fuck.

Also my dad was an alcoholic before I was born so I've never seen him drunk he quit long before.
But still holy shit man fuck.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 19:45:29 No.10212379 Report

Quoted By:

>>10212345
Get out.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 19:46:54 No.10212387 Report

Quoted By:

>Be primarily a metalhead, but have rapper friends
>They invite me out to drink
>We stop at some bar and begin drinking
>Usually not a heavy drinker, but force myself to chug
>Get wasted
>Begin rap battling my friends
>Discover hidden drunken talent
>Shout loudly that I'm MC Velocirapper
>Try to battle the bartender for more beer
>He threatens to kick me out
>Call him a "WHACK ASS BUSTA"
>Battle friends again
>They get angry because my bars are extremely offensive
>Begin beating the fuck out of me
>Vomit all over while mouthing words from Straight Outta Compton
>Kicked out
>Friends leave me in my drunken stupor
>Sit down next to a hobo and talk to him about how the world isn't ready for me
>Fall asleep
>Wake up with a blanket over me and no cash in my wallet

I don't even know, man.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 19:50:11 No.10212396 Report

Quoted By:

This is why I don't drink.

I have. And do lightly, but real drinking.. I like to limit it at 2 shots. After 3 you feel buzzed and after 3 the party starts.

nop. 2 shots.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 21:24:35 No.10212696 Report

Quoted By:

> be invited to friends party
> pimps and hoes themed
> host out of fucking glasses, i end up drinking from a jug like a bawss and smoking cheap cigar
> meet 2 chicks 7/10 and 9/10 (separately), fucking downing more alcohol
> gonnascore.jpg
> out of fucking nowhere im laying in a bathtub with 9/10 and she talks on phone with bf
> wtf
> moar stuff goes on
> wake up having puked on hosts sisters bed, theres some other guy who also puked in the room
> feelsbad
> sum girls tell me to clean the bed, okay...
> see photos where 9/10 is gone crazy and whorish
> lost fucking chance with both chicks

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 00:21:48 No.10212860 Report

Quoted By: >>10212867

Ah man. I shouldn't even start one of my fucked up stories. Shit be fucking stupid.
Should I tell you guys anyway?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 00:24:06 No.10212867 Report

Quoted By:

>>10212860

Why not?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 00:34:59 No.10212904 Report

Quoted By: >>10213015

Arighty then. This one be a doozy, yarrrggh!
If some details sound stupid it's because I can't remember them(still hungover from yesterday lol)

>Be uncool new kid
>Be invited to a party to know people
>Get there and start smoking weed
When I smoke weed and drink, bad things happen
>Start doing shots to get everyone laughing
>Go on an adventure
>Blackout
>Show up with blood on one arm and a bottle of booze in the other
I'm sorry whoever you were. I get punchy real fast
>wtf anon?
> SHUT UP AND DRINK MY BOUNTY YE HEATHENS
>Whatevs
>I start spinning
>Start talking up hot chick
>Her boyfriend comes over and slaps me
Everyone saw this and it got so quiet a pin could drop.
After this point my friends told me what happened
>Steal his drink and drink it all
>Spit it back in his face and break a bottle on his face
>I start yelling RELEASE THE KRAKEN
>His friends show up and try fighting me
>I tackle two of them and kick one in the face
>Giggling manically and rolling on the floor while everyone stands back
>Pass out on someone's car roof
>Wake up, look at busted hands and blood EVERYWHERE
>Business as usual

It doesn't help that when I get drunk I get mean. And I'm 6'5 and around 286. And I have martial arts training so people get their melons beat by me constantly.
I'm such an asshole to get mad with

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 01:08:45 No.10212971 Report

Quoted By:

Drunk stories eh?

> go on holiday to Amsterdam with friend (girl) not girlfriend.
> third night there
> drinking together in hotel bar around 20:00hrs
> two business men, mid 40's, say hi
> eat some food with us whilst we all chat
> me continue to drink
> say they've just come off a tour with a group
> that group turns up. Yank's, Aussies, Kiwi's all cool
> group chat
> I drink more.
> "Let's go see a sex show!"
> ok.jpeg
> sat in this cinema style room, stage up front. Couples having sex.
> sat there buzzed. Can't feel my teeth.
> next act comes up. Dominatrix.
> lights go up. Walks down the aisle.
> oh god not me.
> she places whip on my head.
> fuck, I'm not going up there!
> too late
> on stage. 100 people looking at me.
> she starts dancing around me.
> lewat.jpeg
> dog collar goes on my neck.
> on all fours.
> she makes me bark.
> figure fuck it. Lets do this!
> next thing blind folded.
> getting whipped!
> blind fold comes off. Strap on dildo on my head.
> fuck her with dildo.
> give a bow to applause. Noticed this girl is really hot, hot and Polish.
> sit down.
> continue drinking.
> go clubbing with the groupe who all love me now.
> dance.
> so drunk.
> head back to my room with Kiwi chick.
> get naked.
> fuck.
> sleep.
> wake up, Kiwi girl in shower.
> shower together, fuck.
> get breakfast.
> she's flying back today.
> never see her again.
> holiday friend never looked at me the same again.

One of my better nights, not really a drunk story but I had a great time!

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO Hermione haaaa.gif, 397KiB, 200x120

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 01:13:57 No.10212997 Report

Quoted By:

>>10211988
>running gag

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 01:20:02 No.10213015 Report

Quoted By:

>>10212904
You just sound extremely annoying. Learn to hold your liquor or be more entertaining because that shit sounded like something a fucking 16 year old would do drunk.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 01:42:27 No.10213100 Report

Quoted By:

>go on a trip to Barcelona with school
>18th birthday
>born to and raised in a religious Muslim family
>never touched a single drop of alcohol in my life
>been losing my religion for quite a while, decide to try alcohol
>get drunk pretty quickly in hotel room
>go to a club in the heart of Barcelona
>order a beer
>stand on dancefloor with a beer in my hand
>excited that I'm drinking alcohol
>stand next to a friend and keep yelling "ANON! LOOK! I'M DRINKING A BEER! LOOK ANON! A BEER!" while laughing hysterically
>Spanish chick tries to hit on me by grabbing the hat I was wearing
>virgin, don't get it
>calmly walk back to her, give her a stern look and take back my hat
>say something to the likes of "I am a cheese-sandwich" in Spanish and walk back
>don't remember what happens next
>wake up on beach, people already looking for me
>walk back to the hotel with friends
>find a note with a phone number in my pocket
>again, get drunk as fuck in the evening
>call the number, a girls voice
>wait for a second, don't know what to say
>burp into the phone
>girl says something
>hang up
>friend and I proceed to slap the shit out of each other with sandals in the hotel hallway
>teacher comes and starts yelling
>call her a cucumber in Spanish
>walk away like a boss

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