/adv/ - Advice » Thread #5869229

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Anonymous Mon 02 May 2011 22:24:00 No.5869229 View View Reply Original Report

Quoted By:

Is this my fault?
My boyfriend and I got into a 2 weeks ago, and I decided to withdraw sex from him until he apologized. He insisted that he had nothing to apologize for and, as I just found, cheated on me yesterday.

Did I drive him to cheat?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 01:56:00 No.5870729 Report

Quoted By: >>5870759

>>5870692
I understand that, but the fact that she would boldly say "lol no more sex" like she has the power to decide when to have sex is just bafflying, if you don't do it because you don't want to that's alright, but doing it just because you want to win an argument and rubbing it in your sexual partner's face is just begging for something like this to happen, fucked up sense of superiority that's what I think. Are you really that uninteresting that the only thing you can offer is sex?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 01:56:00 No.5870735 Report

Quoted By:

>>5870692
There's a difference in being genuinely upset over something where you can't be intimate and playing childish games where you think you can get some sort of higher ground because you have a gaping meat hole inbetween your legs.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 01:59:00 No.5870759 Report

Quoted By:

>>5870729
>she has the power to decide when to have sex is just bafflying
That came out wrong, I meant like if she was the boss of it, I do not encourage rape in any shape or form.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 02:02:00 No.5870779 Report

Quoted By: >>5870786

If they had a fight and she was angry at him, it implies that she was not in the mood. It is not like he is automatically entitled to sex is it? Of course, the moment she uses an expression like "withdraw sex" the whole relationship seems kinda ruined. Sex is just something she allows him to do so he will stay with her/ treat her good/ buy her shit then? Sounds like something beginning with a w.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 02:02:00 No.5870782 Report

Quoted By:

>>5870721
Yeah, that's her right. No dispute, there. But when she's deleted his porn collection and cut off the sex, he's got every right to find relief elsewhere, too.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 02:03:00 No.5870786 Report

Quoted By: >>5870800

>>5870779
even when me and my bf are fighting, we still make love...

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 02:05:00 No.5870800 Report

Quoted By:

>>5870786
Ah what do a foreveralone like me knows about these things anyway. Not an expert. I just know it gets cold in my shed.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 02:06:00 No.5870805 Report

Quoted By: >>5870811

I was reading this topic whilst listening to "I just had sex" by the Lonely Island and I'm willing to bet that OP actually believes that all men think like this: "I'm so humbled by a girls ability to let me do her"
There are other lines in the song that I feel like this about, but this one in particular resonates louder.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 02:08:00 No.5870811 Report

Quoted By:

>>5870805
Like, every girl thinks that way. Well, straight girls at least.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 02:08:00 No.5870818 Report

Quoted By:

>>5869272
>>5869282

Very obvious troll, 0/10 try harder.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 02:17:00 No.5870884 Report

Quoted By:

lol

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 02:20:00 No.5870920 Report

Quoted By: >>5870959

>My boyfriend and I got into a 2 weeks ago
>a 2 weeks ago
A what? A WHOLE coca-cola bottle?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 02:25:00 No.5870959 Report

Quoted By:

>>5870920
fight

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 02:36:00 No.5871049 Report

Quoted By: >>5871134 >>5871235

OP here. I'm back from uni. I guess you guys are right, it IS my fault.

I won't ask him about the girl, I'll just apologize and hope we can smooth things over.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 02:44:00 No.5871134 Report

Quoted By: >>5871148

>>5871049
>reasonable woman on 4chan

Max Stirner !!lYsxnBKswTw

Max Stirner !!lYsxnBKswTw Tue 03 May 2011 02:46:00 No.5871148 Report

Quoted By:

>>5871134

This thread is WINRAR.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 02:49:00 No.5871194 Report

Quoted By: >>5871201

What did you want him to apologize for?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 02:50:00 No.5871201 Report

Quoted By: >>5871329 >>5871331

>>5871194
Calling me names and getting angry

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 02:53:00 No.5871235 Report

Quoted By:

>>5871049
You'll be alright, then, girlie. You may or may not get him back, but you'll be alright. Also, do watch and understand the youtube link posted earlier in this thread. It's truth. Guys are going to have porn. It's always been like that, even long before everyone had computers in their homes. And make-up sex or doing it just to show you still care about each other and want each other, even if you're still mad or unsure how you'll solve your situation can be pretty sweet, too.
Don't ever imagine that a man needs you more than you need him. Finally, if you make yourself emotionally and physically unavailable to a man, you've already broken up with him, in effect...you're just stringing him along in hopes that you'll change your mind.
Hard lessons, but it's good to learn them young.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 02:56:00 No.5871270 Report

Quoted By: >>5871317 >>5871330

>>5870692

no kidding she can "say no whenever the fuck [she] wants"

guess what bitch

he can "say no whenever the fuck [he] wants" to the entire relationship for any reason at all

if i'm not owed anything, neither are you. deal with it slut

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 02:59:00 No.5871317 Report

Quoted By:

>>5871270
Since that person posted an hour ago, or so, I doubt she's still around.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 03:00:00 No.5871329 Report

Quoted By:

>>5871201

In the future how about you don't delete his fucking porn? You're lucky he didn't dump you right then and there,

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 03:00:00 No.5871330 Report

Quoted By:

>>5871270
>not caring for your partner's needs

you're terrible

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 03:00:00 No.5871331 Report

Quoted By: >>5871366

>>5871201
Do you think that withdrawing sex is fair considering what he did?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 03:03:00 No.5871366 Report

Quoted By:

>>5871331
I don't think I'll be doing that anymore.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 03:03:00 No.5871368 Report

Quoted By: >>5871386 >>5871437 >>5871441 >>5871454

No, OP, you didn't.

Contrary to popular belief, sex isn't a "need", it's intimacy. You withdrew your closeness from him, and then he dishonored your relationship by betraying your trust. He did wrong.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 03:05:00 No.5871386 Report

Quoted By:

>>5871368
trolling ain't what it used to be

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 03:06:00 No.5871393 Report

Quoted By: >>5871437 >>5871441

Op, while you're still a dumb bitch for doing that, no, you didn't drive him to cheat. Your boyfriend is a faggot and you should drop him and never look back.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 03:09:00 No.5871437 Report

Quoted By:

>>5871393
>>5871368
OP here.

I'm noot so sure he cheated anymore. It was stupid of me to assume that, and I won't ask him.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 03:10:00 No.5871441 Report

Quoted By:

>>5871368
>>5871393
I don't think she should drop him because they were effectively broken up at the time. If he's sleeping on the couch and she's withdrawn all physical and emotional intimacy, then they're just roommates. She should have just made it official and broken up with him, if she didn't want to be close to him anymore. He should have made it official if she didn't. So, to that extent, they're both guilty.
However, what he did isn't unpardonable, since the relationship and OP wasn't there for him anymore. What she did is also pardonable, since she's a silly bitch who recognizes she made a mistake. Love cannot exist without forgiveness, because people do fucked up shit all the time-- especially when they're young.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 03:10:00 No.5871451 Report

Quoted By:

No.

If there are problems of any kind then you and your boyfriend need to talk about it. If he's being a douche about the whole thing then the best thing to do is leave him.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 03:10:00 No.5871454 Report

Quoted By:

>>5871368

You shouldn't be 'punishing' or trying to manipulate your partner by withdrawing sex, OP's lucky he didn't dump her for doing that, because most guys would have.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 03:15:00 No.5871511 Report

Quoted By: >>5871529 >>5871542

I don't get this...

If she's mad at him, how can she be expected to fuck him?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 03:16:00 No.5871519 Report

Quoted By:

No, it's not your fault. You didn't drive him to cheat. He's just using that as an excuse.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 03:17:00 No.5871529 Report

Quoted By: >>5871552

>>5871511
My boyfriend and I have sex when we're mad at each other...

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 03:17:00 No.5871535 Report

Quoted By:

"Hey anon, I deleted your stuff because it made me uncomfortable"

"WHAT HOW COULD YOU DELETE MY STUFF AND NOT EVEN TELL ME @$#! @$#! @$#! @$#! @$#!"

"@$#! @$#! @$#! @$#!"

"Oh Yeah, we'll I'm not having sex until you apologize, and you are sleeping on the couch!"

anon sleeps on couch.

two weeks pass, no sign of problem sorting itself out.

anon goes out to dinner with other female, no pending details.

femanon "OMG He's cheating on me, because he went out with another girl and not me"

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 03:17:00 No.5871542 Report

Quoted By:

>>5871511
She's not mad at him. She's using sex as a weapon.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 03:18:00 No.5871552 Report

Quoted By: >>5871590 >>5871609

>>5871529
That doesn't sound enjoyable at all.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 03:22:00 No.5871590 Report

Quoted By:

>>5871552
..it is....

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 03:23:00 No.5871596 Report

Quoted By:

>After you violated his privacy, asserted your right to violate his privacy and outright told him that sex was conditional on you being in total control, you took away any reason for him to control himself.

That's right. OP is a controlling bitch.

No sympathy for anything that happens to her.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 03:23:00 No.5871601 Report

Quoted By:

you did op

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 03:24:00 No.5871609 Report

Quoted By:

>>5871552
Not same poster, but...it really, really is. Spitefucking is quite a fucking thing.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 03:27:00 No.5871630 Report

Quoted By:

OP, while you didn't deserve to be cheated on, witholding sex as a punishment is a really stupid thing to do and probably didn't help dissuade him from it. However, he was probably going to cheat at some point anyway (you either are one or you're not). I'd say it's not totally your fault but what you did was pretty much a catalyst.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 04:08:00 No.5872079 Report

Quoted By: >>5872203 >>5872252 >>5872280

Is this attitude prevalent? The idea that once you're "seeing" someone that you "owe" one another sex?

I suppose anyone who's not doing like a porn star their first date "has some weird hang-up" or "issue"...?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 04:20:00 No.5872203 Report

Quoted By:

>>5872079
I don't think anyone in this thread has expressed anything at all like the attitude you describe.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 04:24:00 No.5872252 Report

Quoted By:

>>5872079

Missing the point.

It's not sex is owed it's that using sex as a bargaining chip in a relationship, as opposed to a mutually beneficial past time is abhorrent.

Considering "Sex as payment", and that one would withdraw it as a form of punishment to gain leverage is undesirable.

It's being viewed as similar to giving someone the "Silent treatment".

Saying "I wont talk to you until you apologize, because you are wrong and I am right".

It is leaving no room for discussion.

In OP's example, She is giving her boyfriend this silent treatment, while her boyfriend is acquiescing to her desire to sleep alone, but not willing to admit fault on an issue he feels wronged over.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 04:25:00 No.5872261 Report

Quoted By: >>5872315

Withholding sex as a form of punishment is just as immature as withholding any other part of a relationship strictly over a disagreement. If you're in the relationship, be in the relationship. Otherwise you're welcome to leave.

That having been said, sex in a relationship is more than just the mechanical. It's possibly to be so deeply upset with someone that you just can't bring yourself to that level of intimacy for a while. In those cases I can understand a break in sex for a while.

Your situation sounds like the former case and not the latter, OP. Whether or not it was OK for him to cheat on you, your actions probably instigated his infidelity.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 04:27:00 No.5872280 Report

Quoted By:

>>5872079

lol i swear to god women are so incapable of reason or logic

you don't "owe" anyone anything at any time, in the strictest sense. you might be a prick or immoral for not reciprocating to a loved one but you're never morally indebted to them

the point is that it goes both ways. she doesn't "owe" him sex, he doesn't "owe" her love, or even fidelity for that matter

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 04:30:00 No.5872315 Report

Quoted By:

>>5872261
Point of fact

You wouldn't say "No sex, until you apologize"

If you just weren't feeling it, you would turn down times when he was initiating sex with "I just don't feel like it".

Making it clear that sex is conditional upon forfeiture of argumentative position is the petty part, not the lack of sex itself

Anonymous

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Anonymous Tue 03 May 2011 04:35:00 No.5872355 Report

Quoted By:

>mfw your boyfriend was on here last week complaining that you deleted all the 1TB of porn he had.

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