>Fatty adds me on facebook (inb4 facebook, go kill yourself herp derp)
>Whatever, accept
>Ohshit.gif it's the girl everyone made fun of in school and she's fat now.
>Starts chatting me, try to be nice to her
>Starts calling me "cute" and coming onto me
>Friendzone her
>Tell her I'm going after a different girl (which was true)
>Fast forward a month
>She chats me up, tell her I can't talk and I'm going to get pizza with some mates
>Sitting there, having a good time with pints and pizza
>I see her outside of the window walking towards the door
>OH GOD NO!
>.....The bell of the door rang, as if welcoming the ugly, massive fatbody bitch into my life. The workers greet her by name, further sealing the impending doom that was about to take a landwhale size dump on my soul and good time. (tl;dr she walked in the door and I was unhappy).
>She sits down next to me (Apparently "gonna go have pizza with friends" meant "come stalk me" to her)
>The cheese smell tripped the moment she sat next to me, I suspect it was coming from the underside of her third roll
>She starts rubbing my cock
>"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON ABOUT!?"
>"Anon, calm down, I'm just trying to make you happy"
>At this point all my friends are doubled over laughing
>The spirit of /fit overcomes me
>"You fat fucking hambeast, kindly fuck off and leave me the fuck alone! You would be a better stalker if you put down the fucking fork and didn't have to stop every 8 feet for breath." (I yelled some more stuff but I was in a rage and don't remember it all)
>She leaves
>I sit back down
>The whole restaurant is in total silence.
>My friends are in complete awe just staring at me (I'm usually the confident/nice kind of guy. I never really yell or get angry)
>Proceed to leave the restaurant hit the pub and not pay for a single drink that night as my mates were still proud of me
>Weirdest/most satisfying night ever
