Garfield vs Gilgamesh
One sunny morning, Garfield was eating his lasagna in his big and fancy TV room. “This is the life. Me and my lasagna. There’s not a thing in the world that can go wrong.” He let out a manly burp.
“I BEG TO DIFFER.” Gilgamesh rode thru the hole he just made in the wall on a Harley-Davidson, decked out in a golden biker jacket and leather pants. “GARFIELD, I HAVE COME HERE TO DESTROY YOUR LASAGNA VAULT.” The King of Heroes stepped off his awesome bike and summoned a big-ass sword of light. “LASAGNA DOES NOT BELONG IN THE MODERN WORLD.”
“STOP!” Garfield shouted, but it was too late as Gilgamesh swung his blade and a massive beam of light flew from it, heading towards the vault where Garfield kept his private lasagna collection from around the world and obliterated it into nothingness.
“Gilgamesh… YOU FIEND.” Garfield clenched his fists into anger as he stood up, glaring death at the mighty, blonde god.
“Farewell, Garfield. May you seek comfort in other foods! HAHAHAHAHA!” Gilgamesh hopped onto his bike and sped off out from the hole in the wall.
“AAAAAAAAAAARGGGGH.” Garfield let out a roar that sounded like Godzilla when he was angry.
Jon Arbuckle ran into the room. “Garfield, are you ok? What has happened?”
“Gilgamesh happened, Jon. But he will get away from this madness!” Garfield pumped himself up. “Jon, lend me your wings! I will take fight to the so-called ‘King of Heroes’.”
“AMAKOOOOO.”
A large eagle flew from the heavens and Jon and Garfield hopped on it and they flew off towards Gilgamesh’s domain.

Meanwhile…
“BITCH, WHERE IS MY DINNER.” Gilgamesh growled as he looked at Sakura Matou, who was cooking at an oven, welts on her face.
“H-Here you g-go, Lord Gilgamesh…” Sakura whimpered. “Please don’t hurt me anymore.”
Gilgamesh snarled and snatched the dish of spaghetti from her. “This better be good. If not, I’ll hit you again.” He hissed evilly at the poor girl.
“Garfield, please save me…” Sakura whispered to herself, never giving up hope that the muscled orange beast will rescue her from this fate.
Gilgamesh hummed pleasantly as he ate his beloved spaghetti. “Spaghetti is truly the food of the gods, unlike that fattening lasagna!” He let out a hearty laugh as he ate some more of his delicious food.
“GILGAAAAMESH.” A loud roar distracted the King of Heroes from his meal.
“Who dares to interrupt my meal.” Gilgamesh glared at the source of the voice. Suddenly, Jon and Garfield burst thru the roof, riding the eagle of great justice.
“GILGAMESH, THE CRIME YOU HAVE COMMITED IS FAR TOO GREAT. YOU WILL PAY THE PRICE.” Garfield growled, flexing his amazing and bulky muscles in front of the blonde fiend. “AND I SEE THAT YOU HAVE MADE ANOTHER PERSON’S LIFE MISERABLE AS WELL. THAT CANNOT STAND.”
“Garfield! Save me!” Sakura ran towards him, but was knocked aside by Gilgamesh.
“BITCH, SIT YOUR ASS DOWN.” Gilgamesh shouted and turned to Garfield. “YOU THINK YOU CAN FACE ME, THE ULTIMATE BADASS, THE KING OF ALL BRAVE MEN? YOU ARE A FOOL!”
“SILENCE!” Garfield pulled out a blood-red light saber. “IT’S TIME TO PUT UP OR SHUT UP.”
“FINE WITH ME!” Gilgamesh summoned his cool-ass blade and the two warriors lunged at each other, swinging their blades in mortal combat.
“YOU WILL PAY FOR MY LASAGNA.” Garfield hissed.
“LASAGNA IS A POOR MAN’S MEAL. SPAGHETTI IS THE BEST.” Gilgamesh laughed.
“FOOL.” Garfield swung his light saber across Gilgamesh’s face, leaving a cut on his cheek.
“AAAAAAAGH. YOU BITCH.” Gilgamesh head-butted Garfield in the face, sending him flying across the room.
“GARFIELD!” Sakura screamed as the orange hero struggled to stand on his feet.
“How do you like that, Garfield.” Gilgamesh grinned. “I learned that on the streets.”
“Bitch, please. That’s a basic move. Now let me show you what I learned.” Garfield then ran towards Gilgamesh and kicked him in the groin, making him gasp and whine in pain.
“BASTARD!” Gilgamesh squealed as Garfield then launched a series of kicks on his face and gut, before finally throwing a godly punch at his crotch, breaking his nuts.
“Feel the wrath of the lasagna you destroyed, fool.” Garfield spat on the writhing Gilgamesh, and turned to Sakura, who was smiling.
“Garfield, you saved me. I cannot thank you enough! Gilgamesh kidnapped me and made me cook that horrid spaghetti! He also threatened to destroy the entire Lasagna Cache if I did not comply!” Sakura sobbed deeply with regret and sadness.
“It is all right, my dear. The fact remains that you are safe and he is dead. Freedom has won the day.” Garfield grinned widely and held the abused maiden close to his pecs.
“GARFIELD! WE ARE NOT DONE!” Gilgamesh stood up and began to shake violently.
Jon pulled out his guitar and hopped on the bald eagle, flying towards the glowing King with his instrument of justice raised high.
“AMAKOOOOOO.” Jon swung down the guitar, but it broke upon contact with Gilgamesh.
“FOOL! YOUR POWER OF ROCK IS NO USE AGAINST ME! I LOVE ROCK!” Gilgamesh’s lower body then transformed into a mess of spaghetti as he rose thru the ceiling and loomed over the heroes. “I AM THE SPAGHETTI KING! I WILL DESTROY ALL LASAGNA AND MAKE ALL THE BITCHES IN THE WORLD LOVE ME AND ME ALONE!”
“I will not allow that.” Garfield then began to whistle, and a giant titan made out of succulent lasagna fell towards Gilgamesh’s mansion and crushed half of it, its silent form stood against Gilgamesh, who was snarling with rage.
“MY HOUSE. YOU WILL SUFFER!” Gilgamesh roared and flung his spaghetti tentacle at the lasagna bot, which blocked it with its pasta blade.  Gilgamesh roared and shot out a stream of tomato sauce at the sentinent pasta warrior, but the lasagna bot rolled out of the way and hurled cheese bombs at the spaghetti monster, causing him to scream in pain and anger.
“Gilgamesh. Call it off. You cannot win this.” Garfield sagely warned the Spaghetti King.
“SHUT UP. I WILL END YOUR PATHETIC LASAGNA BEAST.” Gilgamesh lunged at the lasagna bot and attempted to wrap around and crush it with his pasta tendrils. But the bot then began to blast off into the sky and headed straight for the sun.
“NOOOOOOO. DO NOT DO THIS.” Gilgamesh pleaded, but to no avail. The two pasta beings kept flying towards the big ball of light, until they both became blackened specks upon coming into contact of the surface of the majestic sun.

Garfield was sitting in bed, Sakura consoling him in her glorious, nubile, nude form. “Garfield… You did what you had to do.”
“But at what price? The lasagna that I loved is lost to the ages forever…” Garfield looked down, his muscled arms hung limp at his equally-muscled sides.
Sakura sighed and turned to the window. “GARFIELD, LOOK.”
Garfield turned to the window and his eyes were open and wide. “IT IS A MIRACLE. THE LASAGNA IS RAINING!” His face had the biggest smile the world had ever seen. “THANK YOU, ALMIGHTY ELDER LASAGNA GODS. THANK YOU!” Garfield hugged Sakura close to him as they watched the beautiful lasagna rain down upon the starving earth and her children.
Fortune was certainly smiling upon Garfield, and Garfield couldn’t be happier.
The end.