Update 2024-03-27: Greatly expanded the "Samples" page and renamed it to "Glossary".
Update 2024-04-04: Added 5 million mid-2011 posts from the k47 post dump. Browse (mostly) them here.
Update 2024-04-07: Added ~400 October 2003 posts from 4chan.net. Browse them here.

Welcome to Oldfriend Archive, the official 4chan archive of the NSA. Hosting ~170M text-only 2003-2014 4chan posts (mostly 2006-2008).
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ID:g5pul9h9 No.446758560 View ViewReplyOriginalReport
You awake to the blaring echo of static on your television. You grab your phone from the coffee table beside your couch, which you slept on last night. You got way too drunk and you're feeling the effects today, that's for sure.
You see several dozen missed calls and text messages from your closest friends and family. You ignore the voicemails, and instead read a few of the most recent text messages you've received. You've read nothing explicit, other than the mild implication that something horrible has happened.
You check the news channels and radio, only to see and hear static and white noise.
Suddenly, you hear a thud at the front door of your apartment. You slowly stand up and walk towards the door. Checking the peephole, you see a man who appears to have been badly injured. He is moaning and yelling, but not speaking. He walks with a limp and keeps clawing at your door as if he is being attacked, but you see no assailant.

Do you:

A: open the door?

B: keep the door shut?

I will continue the story with whichever scenario gets 5 votes first.