>>449834058It can't be a bit of both?
Look, it's a lot more complicated then you're going to start off thinking. When I was with my ex, it wasn't that I was beta. It wasn't that I was a 'lazy jobless cunt' either (should point out now I'm not OP, just a guy with similar experiences). I was insecure. It's obvious that OP was and probably still is. Your insecurities leave you more vulnerable to the manipulation because it's easier to convince yourself that you are the problem.
You get involved with the girl not fully knowing what you want. Personally, I didn't even particularly want a relationship. It was just fun, she had the same interests, she was a crazy party animal and I just wanted to get fucked up and have fun.
Anyway, it then starts slowly snowballing, and the whole thing gets more serious. you know, really, it's a bad idea, but you think how bad would it be? Things don't work then they don't work, no problem. She starts wanting a commitment, I still don't, partly because I don't feel like I need or want one, partly because I thought it wasn't a good idea to get involved with her given her general life situation. But as time goes on, she lets you in on secrets, feelings that she has about things. Her insecurities. You think you can help. the more you be nice, the more she thinks it means you want what she wants, a relationship. You start feeling bad for her. You start making little promises, nothing major.