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Anonymous ID:Ss+wZSNz Sun 14 Apr 2013 15:46:33 No.472560638 View View Reply Original Report

Quoted By: >>472560668 >>472563168 >>472565142 >>472565384

Hey /b/
General parenting thread? I really want to talk about a huge fucking problem I'm having with my shit of a son

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Ss+wZSNz Sun 14 Apr 2013 15:46:46 No.472560668 Report

Quoted By: >>472560869

>>472560638
ok so here goes

>6PM
>Son is still not home from school
>Sarah (wife) has cooked a fucking lovely meal for the little shit
>Steak, vegetables, all the trimmings
>Apple pie for desert, because we're fucking American
>Ask Sarah if she knows where he is
>She says she has no idea
>Fucking sitting around with our thumbs up our asses waiting for him
>FINALLY
>He comes in the door

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Ss+wZSNz Sun 14 Apr 2013 15:48:20 No.472560869 Report

Quoted By: >>472560941

>>472560668
>Where the fuck have YOU been?!
>"Biology prac, dad.."
>Uh huh. Sure. What fucking ever. Just sit down and eat your dinner.
>he knows I'm pissed
>Gets to the end of the meal, and he's weirdly refusing to eat his apple pie
>I KNOW he's hungry, he fucking demolished the steak
>Whatever
>let it slide, go to your room and don't make your mother worry

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Ss+wZSNz Sun 14 Apr 2013 15:48:52 No.472560941 Report

Quoted By: >>472561005

>>472560869
>be next day
>phone rings just after son goes off to school
>it's biology teacher
>"Hello?"
>"Yeah, Hi, it's Mr.suchandsuch, I'm your son's biology teacher"
>What does he even want
>"What do you want?"
>"Well, we had a dissection yesterday, and... well. Everyone's frogs were supposed to be put back inside their containers as they left, but your son's was the only one missing."
>what the hell does this have to do with anything you faggot
>"Well, sir, he... only returned half a frog. The legs are missing"
>what the fuck
>why
>are you wasting my time with this
>So get another fucking frog
>hang up
>ugh

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Ss+wZSNz Sun 14 Apr 2013 15:49:24 No.472561005 Report

Quoted By: >>472561094

>>472560941
>spend days thinking it's completely irrelevant and teacher is a fucktard
>time passes, son always refusing to eat apple pie, hot dogs, even fucking taffy.
>wtf.jpg
>eventually, I decide to confront him about this
>go into his room
>"Son, we need to talk"
>"What, dad?"
>"What the fuck has been up with you recently? You're not eating right, your biology teacher called about some shit with a frog.."
>Son looks down
>what
>he looks GUILTY
>stare at him
>"Son..."

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Ss+wZSNz Sun 14 Apr 2013 15:50:03 No.472561094 Report

Quoted By: >>472561243

>>472561005
>That's when I see it
>Underneath his desk
>The tiny, pale, webbed foot of a fucking frog leg
>Poking out from under the drawers
>"Is that what I think it is?"
>"B-but.. dad.. w.."
>"What the fuck, son!?"
>grab onto frog leg, pull it out
>...
>drop it immediately
>Half of it is gone
>the meat, not the bones
>looks eaten
>..looks raw

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Ss+wZSNz Sun 14 Apr 2013 15:51:16 No.472561243 Report

Quoted By: >>472561327

>>472561094
>stare at him, he starts quivering
>I fucking knew it
>glare at him and turn to desk
>pull open drawer, he starts to sob
>crumbs
>fucking baguette crumbs
>I push down on the bottom of the drawer, and it bends up. Just like I suspected
>a false fucking bottom

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Ss+wZSNz Sun 14 Apr 2013 15:51:50 No.472561327 Report

Quoted By: >>472561425

>>472561243
>I pull up the false bottom and throw it against the wall
>underneath it
>stale baguette
>and a whole, brand new, black felt beret
>I am fucking wild at this point
>SON
>WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS
>"IT'S NOTHING DAD I SWEAR IT WASN'T ME"
>"IT'S NOT MINE IT'S NOT MINE"
>SON WE ARE AMERICANS
>"I KNOW DAD I KNOW"
>I DON'T THINK YOU FUCKING DO

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Ss+wZSNz Sun 14 Apr 2013 15:52:40 No.472561425 Report

Quoted By: >>472561497

>>472561327
>"DAD I'M SORRY"
>"SORRY FOR WHAT?!"
>"..."
>Sorry. For. What.
>"...Dad................ I'm... I'm French."
>Blood fills my ocular cavity
>aorta filled to rupturing capacity
>skin sets on fire
>WHAT THE FUCK
>THIS ISN'T HOW I RAISED YOU, SON

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Ss+wZSNz Sun 14 Apr 2013 15:53:16 No.472561497 Report

Quoted By: >>472561778 >>472568559

>>472561425
>"Dad I'm sorry!"
>no you're fucking not
>"SON, THE BIBLE SAYS ADAM AND EVE, NOT ADAM AND HON HON HON BAGUETTE EIFFEL TOWER"
>he starts crying
>"Why would you use such a slur?!"
>"BECAUSE I'M AMERICAN. UNLIKE ONE OF US."
>"WHAT WILL YOUR MOTHER THINK? I GUESS NOW WE ALL KNOW WHY SOMEONE'S FREEDOM PIE WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM. ARE YOU EVEN GOING TO APOLOGISE?!"

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Ss+wZSNz Sun 14 Apr 2013 15:55:09 No.472561778 Report

Quoted By: >>472561947 >>472568579 >>472569296 >>472573315 >>472573978

>>472561497
>son just keeps crying, clutching his beret between his fingers, tears falling onto the crusty baguette
>rage reaches a crescendo, I raise my fist to start beating him
>I HAVE NO SON
>that's when it happens
>that's when he says it
>he looks into my eyes
>sobbing
>clutching his tearstained beret
>"...I..."
>"....I surrender"

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:ZKfio/bv Sun 14 Apr 2013 15:56:29 No.472561947 Report

Quoted By: >>472561995

>>472561778
>inb4 errybody walk d dinosaur

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Ss+wZSNz Sun 14 Apr 2013 15:56:54 No.472561995 Report

Quoted By: >>472562114

>>472561947
there'll be none of that thanq

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:ZKfio/bv Sun 14 Apr 2013 15:57:51 No.472562114 Report

Quoted By:

>>472561995
ok dad

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:nody3HEH Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:03:11 No.472562769 Report

Quoted By: >>472563997

Ha! 10/10

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Heaven Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:06:22 No.472563168 Report

Quoted By: >>472563273 >>472566592

>>472560638
the pasta is strong with this one

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Ss+wZSNz Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:07:06 No.472563273 Report

Quoted By: >>472565752

>>472563168
this is... all original. you fucking moron

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Ss+wZSNz Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:12:56 No.472563997 Report

Quoted By:

>>472562769
cheers cunt

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:y3ReBEmX Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:13:24 No.472564048 Report

Quoted By: >>472564567

10/10 would lol again

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:w9efW7SL Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:16:57 No.472564449 Report

Quoted By:

7/10

Hardy lol.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Ss+wZSNz Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:17:56 No.472564567 Report

Quoted By:

>>472564048
why are you laughing
i wasn't
my son just came out as FRENCH what the fuck do I DO

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:/nFsrho1 Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:18:30 No.472564635 Report

Quoted By: >>472564685 >>472564728

IF this isn't just some hipster copypasta, then youre a retarded father and should get revoked of parental rights (and youre a retarded patriot as well)

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Ss+wZSNz Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:18:58 No.472564685 Report

Quoted By:

>>472564635
bravo you fucking moron
fucking bravo

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:I4rVz5c2 Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:19:19 No.472564720 Report

Quoted By:

10/10

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:/nFsrho1 Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:19:24 No.472564728 Report

Quoted By:

>>472564635
but anyway i lol'd at your capstorm

Anonymous

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Anonymous ID:Te8W8o6l Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:20:05 No.472564806 Report

Quoted By:

never have kids

/thread

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Ir1qEPeB Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:20:14 No.472564818 Report

Quoted By:

9/10

good job OP, lulworthy.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:uZ+kIj2J Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:22:33 No.472565059 Report

Quoted By:

8/10 would read again

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:njISTPm9 Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:23:23 No.472565142 Report

Quoted By: >>472565964

>>472560638
8/10

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:qRmk1qf+ Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:25:07 No.472565331 Report

Quoted By:

Adam and hon hon hon Eiffel Tower
10/10 lol'd

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:knx4t7O6 Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:25:43 No.472565384 Report

Quoted By:

>>472560638

10/10 would read again

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:FT74lmmC Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:27:19 No.472565553 Report

Quoted By:

My sides left the building at BAGUETTE EIFFEL TOWER.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Heaven Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:29:00 No.472565752 Report

Quoted By:

>>472563273
saw this yesterday

0/10

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:ndIU1Bui Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:31:01 No.472565964 Report

Quoted By: >>472567000

>>472565142
10/10
my fucking sides...

frenchfag reporting btw

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:RstEriMX Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:31:44 No.472566051 Report

Quoted By:

9/10 nice work OP

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:hoZNfVgJ Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:36:21 No.472566592 Report

Quoted By: >>472566901

>>472563168
What the fuck are you smoking?

Someone please cap this, fucking teared

Anonymous

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Anonymous ID:et5H2xc3 Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:37:39 No.472566731 Report

Quoted By:

Started smirking around the 6th post once a seen where it was going, good job OP 9/10

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Ss+wZSNz Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:39:11 No.472566901 Report

Quoted By:

>>472566592
inorite

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:JvD4P+mb Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:39:38 No.472566947 Report

Quoted By:

dunno if copie or not
was still laughing like fuck 8/10

Anonymous

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Anonymous ID:w2ms+tEQ Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:40:07 No.472567000 Report

Quoted By: >>472568134

>>472565964
Get the fuck out of my thread you frog feet eating garcon.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:gCofeLEL Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:43:33 No.472567395 Report

Quoted By:

8/10 would read again

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:egkpLgbd Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:46:49 No.472567743 Report

Quoted By:

Best part was the surrender.

Anonymous

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Anonymous ID:ndIU1Bui Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:50:20 No.472568134 Report

Quoted By:

>>472567000
Frog legs with a garlic sauce are amazing, this is just a pleasure your Mcfat body can't handle but snails taste better anyway

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:29+IGAef Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:50:32 No.472568159 Report

Quoted By:

8/10 op. Good stuff

Anonymous

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Anonymous ID:YZreJQgn Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:52:53 No.472568418 Report

Quoted By: >>472569778 >>472569914

I don't find it funny at all

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:fJhfNmfy Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:53:56 No.472568541 Report

Quoted By:

10/10 history + humor. OP you made my day.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:O1idGgVm Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:54:09 No.472568559 Report

Quoted By: >>472569415

>>472561497
>we're fucking american
>uses British spelling
>apologise
It's fucking apologize eurofag

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:P6nDz8c2 Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:54:18 No.472568579 Report

Quoted By:

>>472561778
9/10, I chortled

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:qCjM5zqX Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:57:19 No.472568936 Report

Quoted By: >>472570124

>HON HON HON
>I surrender

Lost it

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:6H9z4OtZ Sun 14 Apr 2013 16:57:33 No.472568968 Report

Quoted By:

10/10
A rare instance of OP not being a faggot

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:jNh3CTDu Sun 14 Apr 2013 17:00:25 No.472569296 Report

Quoted By:

>>472561778
tears falling onto the crusty baguette

gj OP, 8/10

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Sc7s7xg/ Sun 14 Apr 2013 17:01:31 No.472569415 Report

Quoted By: >>472569696

>>472568559
We did invent the language you know.
But you can spell it "apologize" if you like - we're not bossy, unlike you.
Relax and enjoy your hair.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Ss+wZSNz Sun 14 Apr 2013 17:04:13 No.472569696 Report

Quoted By:

>>472569415
this

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:l3ee/fY7 Sun 14 Apr 2013 17:05:00 No.472569778 Report

Quoted By: >>472569914

>>472568418
Yep.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Ss+wZSNz Sun 14 Apr 2013 17:06:10 No.472569914 Report

Quoted By: >>472570021

>>472569778
>>472568418
wel y dun u go suq a dik eh

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:l3ee/fY7 Sun 14 Apr 2013 17:07:20 No.472570021 Report

Quoted By: >>472570201

>>472569914
Just because you want a vid of it, I'm not going to do it, faggot.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Ss+wZSNz Sun 14 Apr 2013 17:08:11 No.472570124 Report

Quoted By:

>>472568936
the hon hon hon baguette eiffel tower was such a zing

his spirit was crushed that day

Anonymous

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Anonymous ID:Ss+wZSNz Sun 14 Apr 2013 17:08:45 No.472570201 Report

Quoted By: >>472570307

>>472570021

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:l3ee/fY7 Sun 14 Apr 2013 17:09:42 No.472570307 Report

Quoted By:

>>472570201
OH NOES

Anonymous

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Anonymous ID:3fU8n7tO Sun 14 Apr 2013 17:10:43 No.472570432 Report

Quoted By:

well played op.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:uVg+lnTm Sun 14 Apr 2013 17:11:10 No.472570482 Report

Quoted By: >>472570706 >>472571365

Just heard I'm gonna be a father. Any tips not to freak out?

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Ss+wZSNz Sun 14 Apr 2013 17:13:06 No.472570706 Report

Quoted By:

>>472570482
this isn't
actually
a parenting thread
i don't think you read the beginning
you stupid
unappreciative
faggot

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:QfpEuxHi Sun 14 Apr 2013 17:14:46 No.472570878 Report

Quoted By:

if they get to age 18 without you molesting them then you have done well

Anonymous

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Anonymous ID:qYbnaaR0 Sun 14 Apr 2013 17:18:14 No.472571234 Report

Quoted By: >>472571393

Here ya go

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:z0LIDGUE Sun 14 Apr 2013 17:18:52 No.472571315 Report

Quoted By:

Was fun until I read what a prick OP was. I unloled.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Heaven Sun 14 Apr 2013 17:19:18 No.472571365 Report

Quoted By: >>472572458

>>472570482

>lay down to think
>try not to freak out
>freak out a lot.

Unless you truly don't give a fuck about your offspring, then no.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Ss+wZSNz Sun 14 Apr 2013 17:19:32 No.472571393 Report

Quoted By:

>>472571234
cheers cuz

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Ss+wZSNz Sun 14 Apr 2013 17:29:50 No.472572458 Report

Quoted By:

>>472571365
wot

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:EMKIyRgj Sun 14 Apr 2013 17:37:51 No.472573315 Report

Quoted By:

>>472561778
lol

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:f5lgYF9x Sun 14 Apr 2013 17:38:53 No.472573418 Report

Quoted By: >>472574140

Why isn't this screencapped?

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:x6hJFKKT Sun 14 Apr 2013 17:44:15 No.472573978 Report

Quoted By:

>>472561778

Fun fact, France has a more succesfull military history than the US, and both countries were beaten by a pitiful nation of poorly armed ricefarmers.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Heaven Sun 14 Apr 2013 17:45:47 No.472574140 Report

Quoted By:

>>472573418

Because it fucking sucks, takes way too long to build up to a shitty climax.

Besides, there wasn't really any plot twist. Every astute reader not suffering from fetal alcohol syndrome more or less had the twist figured out at the part with the missing frog legs.

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