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Anonymous ID:wnteLfQK Wed 01 May 2013 01:39:53 No.476783056 View View Reply Original Report

>walking home from bountiful rice fields
>it is 1190, no automobile-san.
>My honor does not allow me to want more than I already have, but I'd like a quicker way to my home, somewhere inland of japan.
>suddenly, a man-drawn carriage rides up beside me and stops.
>I stop to bow, but before I do, a skeleton of a samurai falls from the carriage.
>I commit seppuku at sight of skeleton.
>Such is life under glorious Shogun

Anonymous

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Anonymous ID:AECncsYH Wed 01 May 2013 01:49:43 No.476784971 Report

Quoted By:

>>476783056
do you even WATASHI WA SHINEN,SHIENZU! FARUCON PAAAAANCH! faggot-san ?

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:xw3nUX9t Wed 01 May 2013 01:59:31 No.476787095 Report

Quoted By: >>476787269

>Be peasant.
>Lord comes to my farm
>probablytimefortaxes.jpg
>"Pack thine feces. Thou art going to Jerusalem."
>arrive in the holy land.
>besiege a Seljuk castle.
>boiling oil on me while I try to climb up the ladder.
>not dead
>fell down 30 feet
>can't move because all my bones are broken.
>be unnoticed.
>die because of dehydration.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:wnteLfQK Wed 01 May 2013 02:00:19 No.476787269 Report

Quoted By:

>>476787095

>Riding home from Crusade
>Spot the lovely maiden Laura, whom I have loved purely and chastely from afar and her carriage under attack by ruffians
>Gallantly charge, my horse snarling, armor shining in the sun
>By sword bites deeply the enemy ranks, however one of the thieves spears bites deeply into a chink in my armor
>Spurred on by desperation, anger and love, I destroy their ranks, and rout my foes
>I fall from my horse, and as I lay dying she cradles my head, tossing my helmet aside
>the last words that pass my lips are "My lady, I have loved you since the day I set eyes upon thee, and in Chivalry's name I gladly lay down my life for you
>Such is life in Arthurian legend

Anonymous

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Anonymous ID:9sgbP9Vs Wed 01 May 2013 02:06:16 No.476788641 Report

Quoted By:

>be in neolithic europe
>exiled from my clan due to constant gay buttsex
>walks for 20 years
>get to this village
>show dem how to do a barrel roll
>they think i'm god now
>i get all the cool shit, fuck all the children i want
>start to notice strange boils on body
>scratch furiously
>children I've been fucking have the boils too
>they're doing barrel rolls but it's inneffective
>they all roll off the cliff and splat
>don'tgiveashit.jpg
>medicine bitch puts medicine on my dick boils and they go away
>arrow dodged
>get fucked in half by a mammoth that came out of nowhere

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:xw3nUX9t Wed 01 May 2013 02:08:02 No.476789058 Report

Quoted By:

>Be monk.
>Copy the bible.
>Be working on my copy for 10 years.
>Done.
>Abbot takes a look at my copy of the Bible.
>Wrote Jebus instead of Jesus.
>Inquisition comes.
>Be accused of heresy.
>Cooked alive.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:5Cv4uAgT Wed 01 May 2013 02:10:05 No.476789552 Report

Quoted By:

I have no idea of what the fuck this is, but i like it.

Anonymous

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Anonymous ID:HTiSpjYe Wed 01 May 2013 02:10:13 No.476789576 Report

Quoted By:

I can already tell this thread will be archived. Carry on, glorious anons.

Anonymous

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Anonymous ID:9sgbP9Vs Wed 01 May 2013 02:12:36 No.476790093 Report

Quoted By: >>476791181

>biblical tiems
>me be alien
>go to jerusalem, tell the jewz i am their god now
>they tear their clothes and scream blasphemy
>i explode their heads
>go out to balchony, tell everyone i am their god now
>they look scared and confused
>take out my dick and piss like a geyser for ten strait hours, drenching them all, and esploding the heads of the ones that try to run
>demand that they give me all their babies
>feast on babies for awhile
>whysoitchy.jpg
>it's lupus
>alien never been exposed to lupus before
>die of lupus
>such were the lives of ancient astronauts

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:xw3nUX9t Wed 01 May 2013 02:14:32 No.476790521 Report

Quoted By:

>Be monk in abby by the coast.
>Sails everywhere.
>Vikings.
>Abby gets plundered and nuns get raped.
>notthisshitagain.jpg
>Ask kind-looking viking if he would reflect on his evil ways and accept Jebus as his savior.
>axetotheface.mp4

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:EmNfHaOD Wed 01 May 2013 02:15:28 No.476790762 Report

Quoted By: >>476791132

>it was late evening
there was 7 of us, standing in front of tavern filled with rebel scum
I was tired, my mail hauberk was getting heavier with each passing day.
we entered tavern with naked swords
formed a line and tried to aproach rebel leader
that how it started
that was 10 minutes ago, now i can feel the Hood's Breath on me
simple knife happened to be enough to penetrate my mail
now i'm lying in the corner, waiting till my death comes
that is the way of the soldier

Anonymous

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Anonymous ID:9sgbP9Vs Wed 01 May 2013 02:17:01 No.476791132 Report

Quoted By:

>>476790762
doing it wrong

Anonymous

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Anonymous ID:xw3nUX9t Wed 01 May 2013 02:17:12 No.476791181 Report

Quoted By:

>>476790093

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:wnteLfQK Wed 01 May 2013 02:18:18 No.476791440 Report

Quoted By:

>Honorable japanese man working at rice field with his wife.
>suddenly, they hear a yelling from across the field
>"You do not have the honor to marry my daughter!"
>I ask my wife who this is
>she does not know
>"Who are you, most honorable-san?"
>"I am her father-san."
>I look at my wife.
>"My father died as an honorable samurai-san."
>Then I am struck down by ghost of Samurai-father.
>Such is life under glorious Shogun.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:i+pCALiv Wed 01 May 2013 02:18:31 No.476791482 Report

Quoted By:

>> be born to wealthy family
>> do mountains of coke and bang many sluts
>> barely pass high school
>> dontcare.jpg
>> get into Yale anyway, LOL
>> work at dads company, starting salary 200k
>> never show up to work
>> continue to do blow and skanks
>> 40th birthday, inherit company
>> 45th birthday, finally show up to work, zero fucks given
>> helluvaworkday.jpg, time for retirement
>> such is the life of a 1%

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:xw3nUX9t Wed 01 May 2013 02:23:21 No.476792773 Report

Quoted By:

>Be a samurai-san
>First real battle, preparing for it whole life.
>Die within first 10 seconds by arrow.
>Such is life under glorious Shogun

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:HTiSpjYe Wed 01 May 2013 02:24:14 No.476793025 Report

Quoted By: >>476796297

>be leader of a ten-man caravan to Reykjavik
>Day 4 in-game
>Suddenly, 4 groups of 15 Vikings appear

>I'LLDRINKYOURBLOODFROMYOURSKULL.png
>whole caravan killed but me
>only get a knock to the head
>dragged around world map for 3 days before I escape by myself, magically with my horse again
>Such is life as a Swadian merchant

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:wnteLfQK Wed 01 May 2013 02:25:05 No.476793293 Report

Quoted By: >>476794579

I posted these last night, I got a very little response.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:9sgbP9Vs Wed 01 May 2013 02:26:37 No.476793745 Report

Quoted By:

>Be baby inside of 11-year-old japanese prositute-san's cunt
>she goes into labor
>my head is crushed by her hole which has only been filled by dicks the size of white man's pinky
>her pussy is shredded by the shards of my skull
>i die, she dies
>such is life in glorious shogun

Anonymous

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Anonymous ID:xw3nUX9t Wed 01 May 2013 02:29:31 No.476794579 Report

Quoted By:

>>476793293
>Such is life on /b/

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:wnteLfQK Wed 01 May 2013 02:29:38 No.476794613 Report

Quoted By:

Everyone to le chanarchive and vote this thread

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:+rofKuLh Wed 01 May 2013 02:32:47 No.476795501 Report

Quoted By:

>>Be working my woodcutter's shop
>>Samurai-san walks through the door and demands new getta
>>Oblige and ask for foot soze
>>Executed for asking a question to those of higher authority.
>>Such is life under glorious shogun

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:byZ7xlae Wed 01 May 2013 02:35:40 No.476796297 Report

Quoted By:

>>476793025
chuckled heartily.

Regards from a hobrother

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:wnteLfQK Wed 01 May 2013 02:38:10 No.476796939 Report

Quoted By: >>476797130

archived!

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:HTiSpjYe Wed 01 May 2013 02:38:48 No.476797130 Report

Quoted By:

>>476796939
This is going to be the shortest archived thread ever

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:+rofKuLh Wed 01 May 2013 02:38:58 No.476797158 Report

Quoted By:

>>Be speaking with my clan within our cave
>>We agree on a plan to assault the glorious shogun's sunshine palace
>>Don black gi and sneak forwards towards the palace.
>>Elder is killed by sudden Samurai-san
>>Ohgod.jpg
>>Continue forwards unnoticed
>>Reach shogun's quarters.
>>He is doing opium and little girls as a samurai-san washes his glorious feet.
>>Rush forwards to slay shogun out of respect for my ancestors
>>Samuraisan rushes to stand up but falls. spilling Udon everywhere.
>>slip on Udon and fall forwards. slicing the shogun in twain.
>>Glorious shogun's final action was to draw his sword and kill Samurai-san.
>>Such is life under glorious shogun

Anonymous

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Anonymous ID:xw3nUX9t Wed 01 May 2013 02:43:42 No.476798407 Report

Quoted By:

>Be son of conquistador.
>Anon get off your lazy ass and go join your dad in South America.
>Be in South America.
>Natives make us a calendar in honour of 'white god'
>MFW I accidentally break it
>MFW it now only goes up to year 2012

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:+rofKuLh Wed 01 May 2013 02:44:37 No.476798625 Report

Quoted By: >>476799686 >>476808151

>>Be Samurai-san
>>Be washing glorious shogun's feet as he is doing opium and little girls
>>Suddenly ninja appears at the door way
>>Leap up but trip on my garments. Udon is flowing from my pockets
>>See shogun cut down before me
>>As this happens, twenty other Samurai-sans are commiting seppuku at the sight
>>Glorious shogun's final action
>>He drew his sword and killed me
>>Such is life under glorious shogun

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:wnteLfQK Wed 01 May 2013 02:48:35 No.476799686 Report

Quoted By: >>476800187

>>476798625
You were here last night!

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:g2r21RZQ Wed 01 May 2013 02:49:28 No.476799970 Report

Quoted By:

>be ~25
>come to new town
>need to deliver some documents
>go to town hall
>be served by a nice chick
>"come back tomorrow, I'll have everything prepared"
>ok
>come next day
>she's not here
>other ladies tell me where she's living
>go to her home
>she's crying
>hug her and try to comfort her
>ask what's the matter
>there's a fucker stalking her
>she asks me to stay with her today
>do so
>this fucker breaks in
>she's getting mad
>"gtfo, don't you see I have a guest?"
>"fine, I'll be back later bitch"
>evening coming
>she wants me to take off my shirt and get on her bed
>do so
>she goes to another room
>she boils water above the fireplace
>hygiene n stuff
>she comes back, wearing a nightdress
>it's made of fine fabric and short as for 19th century
>she sits on me
>she lights a cigarette
>getting horny
>she's stroking my chest
>dick is so hard
>she's puting out the cigarette on my chest
>mesmerised, didn't hurt at all
>she's moving down, blowjob incoming
>so close
>THIS FUCKER BREAKS IN
>he's armed with an axe
>throw her behind the bed
>furiously attack him
>knock him uncounscious for a short moment
>take the axe out of his hands
>chop him like a firewood
>sentenced for death
>was worth it

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:+rofKuLh Wed 01 May 2013 02:50:08 No.476800187 Report

Quoted By:

>>476799686
yes and I remember glorious shogun very well

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:wnteLfQK Wed 01 May 2013 02:50:29 No.476800304 Report

Quoted By:

I'm saving all of these into a notepad, by the way.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:xw3nUX9t Wed 01 May 2013 02:51:25 No.476800593 Report

Quoted By:

>sry for bad english I am japanese-san
>where was you when Glorious-san Shogun-san is die?
>i was growing opium at opium farm when Hanaya-san say "glorious-san shogun-san is die"
>i was: "no"
>and you?

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:qo5Nhygl Wed 01 May 2013 02:53:41 No.476801273 Report

Quoted By:

>be a famous freelance mercenary
>a fat noble asks me to find his daughter for him
>she was stolen by a giant magpie
>I walk along the coast alone for a night and a day
>I finally find the cave where the giant magpies live
>it's very dark inside
>the path is very narrow
>a little ray of sun shines on a natural bridge of stone
>an enormous ogre is slowly walking towards me
>I draw my knife, run, slide under him and jumb on his back
>I climb on him as on a mountain
>I slice his skull several times
>he's falling off the bridge
>I'm falling too
>I try to jump off of him but it's too late
> we crash and die together on the ground 20 meters down

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:wnteLfQK Wed 01 May 2013 02:56:12 No.476802019 Report

Quoted By:

>be chill monk
>sitting at my abbey, on the coast
>look outside, shitty day
>holyfuckdragonclouds.jpeg
>tell my priest
>It'll be fine, he says, we'll be saved by God, he said.
>Suddenly, fucking pagans EVERYWHERE
>Kills everyone but three of us
>Boat ride to their homeland, my priest dies
>pagans through him over boat
>I become slave of the leader
>Leader is Ragnar Lodbrok
>I am Asthelstan

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:g2r21RZQ Wed 01 May 2013 02:56:49 No.476802193 Report

Quoted By:

>Russia, red revolution
>be an officer in red army
>ordered to kill a noble family
>gather my elite firing squad
>pay a visit to target family
>arrange their escape
>next day
>high commander finds out what happend
>death sentence for betraying glorious Mother Russia
>escape with my squad
>keep hiding in forests
>miss the whole WW2

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:jvW6yNqx Wed 01 May 2013 02:58:23 No.476802632 Report

Quoted By:

>>Be ashigaru in the shogunate army
>>Die charging headon into ranks of riflemen
>>Such is life under glorious Shogun

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Xi+YLlo2 Wed 01 May 2013 03:01:52 No.476803558 Report

Quoted By:

>Be me
>Be late for wife, bangin' desert girl at cave
>Get confronted by wife at home
>"Some dude from the sky came into a cave and told me I had to say some crap to the whole world"
>totallyhonest.tapestry
>Wife Believes
>Neighbours believe
>Entire city believe
>mfw they can't even draw my face somewhere 1400 years later or people will be pissed off

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:xw3nUX9t Wed 01 May 2013 03:03:31 No.476803987 Report

Quoted By:

>Russia, red revolution.
>Be an officer in red army.
>Storm aristocrat house while he drinks vodka.
>We are the people's army. All members of the aristocracy are to be arrested!
>He is taken away. Take a sip of vodka.
>Another group of revolutionaries break in.
>We are the people's army. All members of the aristocracy are to be arrested!
>nothisshitagain.jpg
>Be taken away.
>Hear leader of previous group is taken away too.
>Such is life in mother russia

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:yKctbF01 Wed 01 May 2013 03:09:24 No.476805489 Report

Quoted By:

>Southern Sudan, January 24th 1885
>Bunch of uppity negroes hating on my fortress
>been 312 days since anyone got a tea shipment
> See Madhi, shout at him
>"If you want this so much, why don't you take it?"
>Khartoum falls
>Such is the life under General Charles Gordon

Anonymous

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Anonymous ID:xw3nUX9t Wed 01 May 2013 03:09:35 No.476805524 Report

Quoted By:

>Be pagan
>Run around woods worshiping tree goddess
>The Crusade comes
>Kills anyone who opposes christianity
>The remaining are forced to pray for someone called Jebus
>pic related

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:xw3nUX9t Wed 01 May 2013 03:16:04 No.476807135 Report

Quoted By:

>Be a viking
>Raping and pillaging
>Get blown off course
>End up in some new world
>No white people, just naked, brown people.
>Raping and pillaging

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:ZdBQVPZ3 Wed 01 May 2013 03:20:21 No.476808151 Report

Quoted By:

>>476798625
>be fellating glorious shogun while samurai-san washes his feet
>suddenly ninja-san comes and attacks
>samurai-san shows powerlevel and trips over own clothes
>udon goes everywhere
>tripping ninja kills shogun
>shogun kills beta-samurai-san with dying stroke
>am free now
>such is life without glorious shogun

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:+rofKuLh Wed 01 May 2013 03:25:43 No.476809380 Report

Quoted By:

>>Be Udon merchant
>>Hear glorious shogun has been killed
>>About to commit seppuku
>>See my daughter was released from the glorious shogun's sunshine palace
>>Reunited

>>New shogun rides from his palace in the east
>>takes over the sunshine fort.
>>His army rapes and pillages the village
>>Destroyed my cart. Udon everywhere
>>Raped my daughter
>>Commit seppuku as it was only honorable course
>>Such is life under glorious Shogun.

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