Update 2024-03-27: Greatly expanded the "Samples" page and renamed it to "Glossary".
Update 2024-04-04: Added 5 million mid-2011 posts from the k47 post dump. Browse (mostly) them here.
Update 2024-04-07: Added ~400 October 2003 posts from 4chan.net. Browse them here.
Welcome to Oldfriend Archive, the official 4chan archive of the NSA. Hosting ~170M text-only 2003-2014 4chan posts (mostly 2006-2008).
I have always wanted to read the sonic comics, but have never been able to find them. So I figured I'll just go hunting on ebay and amazon. Just a question for those who have read sonic's comics.. Can I just pick one up and start reading it, or is it a canon entirely, and I would have to read the first comic to get the story?
What is the purpose of spamming? Do the spammers really think anyone will be stupid enough to click on one of those links? NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR GODDAMN BOOTS OR SHITTY SITE.
Jesus, at least post one link per post, not fill the page with the same shit twenty times in a row. Better yet go spam some other website where people are stupid enough to click on your link.
Shame on the 4chan staff for letting a lot of the textboards rot from spam. And yes, i am aware that bots can't read this post.
I need to ask, because the trolls above us are starting to get on my nerves. But I need to know the route of the matter. How did this "I remember when /co/ was love" bullshit began anyways?
The ability to alter the value of pi (3.14159...) within a short radius around yourself.
I think I remember hearing something involving becoming invisible.
The thing is, considering the number of things in physics that involve the value of pi, this could be a power that has an incredible number of uses. Or it could be something that causes the superperson to be deleted from existance the first time they use the power.
Considering the number of things that could go wrong when using this power, the user would have to be some kind of physics expert.
Normally I'd go to /sci/ with this question, but I don't think that they'd be very interested in this.
Now that Sari was, well, older now, it was only natural she would want to try some things on her own. She had cool robot powers, she was close to being a legal adult on her world—everything seemed so much more awesome than it had just a few days ago. She wouldn’t do anything with her powers though, she wanted to show Ratchet and the others that she could be responsible and not use them unless she needed to. But that didn’t mean she wouldn’t want to at least try some grownup human things.
So during the night, she slipped out the window of her room, using the thrusters in her feet to lower herself to the ground just outside the tower, then she took off down the street. She then slipped into a local grocery store and snatched a six-pack of beer, leaving the exact amount of cash to pay for it on top of an unoccupied cash register and then she slipped out. After all, they would never let a girl like her buy anything like that without an ID, and she didn’t exactly have time to get one right now. But since she left the money for it, she couldn’t exactly be accused of stealing it.
Once she was out of the store she made her way to a dark alleyway, where she sat down with her “purchase” and yanked one of the cans free, cracking it open. She then tilted her head as far back as she could and glugged down the contents.
Oh yes… life was good! Once she finished that can she simply threw it over her shoulder, vaguely aware of the clatter it made on the alley floor as she grabbed another can and began to consume it. She continued to do this until she had drank down all of the cans, and then let out a loud belch.
The only problem was that she was having a very difficult time standing up, now. And as she staggered out of the alleyway, she bumped into an enormous machine outside.
At first they seemed to be normal construction vehicles, but when they transformed, they revealed themselves to be none other than Mixmaster and Scrapper.
“Hey look, it’s a human!” Mix exclaimed, clutching half-full oil can in his hand. His voice sounded slurred, as if he was quite drunk.
“Aw isn’t it cute!” Scrapper said. “Though it looks like its had a lot to drink, too!”
“Hey there little animal, any idea where we can get some more oil?” Mixmaster asked.
Sari hiccupped, finding it difficult to get any words out. “Why don’t you bozos go and drink some gasoline?” she finally managed.
The two Constructicons exchanged glances. Then Scrapper said, “Say, why not? I certainly can’t hurt.”
Mix grinned. “I dare you to drink straight out of that car over there!”
“Well, okay!” Scrapper said. “Come on, human!”
Sari stared after them both for a moment, then shrugged. She grabbed one of the empty beer cans and staggered after them.
Mix stuck a long straw into the gas tank of one car while Scrapper helped Sari fill her can with gas, then handed it to her. Then Scrapper drank gas straight out of the car he was at. Sari tipped her head back and slurped down the contents. Only when she had drank nearly the entire can did she realize just how awful it tasted.
The next thing everyone knew, they started to have… reactions to the gasoline.
Mix choked. "What the hell was I think—” He almost threw up then, but unfortunately, he didn’t. "DUDE!" he yelled to a nearby homeless man—one who had just entered the previously empty alleyway—and staggered towards him. "HEY CREATURE? GOT ANY OIL, HUMAN? I NEED TO WASH THIS TASTE OUT OF MY MOUTH!"
The homeless dude’s eyes widened, and he wisely backed up as Mix slowly staggered toward him. Scrapper followed Mix, and Sari trailed along behind him.
Okay, Sari decided as she pressed her hand against her mouth, It’s official.... beer and gas are NOT a good combo. She already knew she was going to puke. It meant she was going to look totally stupid, but her stomach was currently in such a state that it would not even listen to reason. It wanted to get rid of the majority of the contents that it held, and it wasn't going to let a little thing like making her look stupid sway its decision.
That's the way it worked, didn't it? You always had to argue with your stomach. Sometimes if you wanted dessert after you finished dinner, you had to wait because your stomach told you no, so that it could digest. Mean, wasn't it? Now it couldn't simply let things, you know, PASS THROUGH. It had to make her up-chuck.
And well... she decided to say so. "I CAN'T HOLD THIS IN!" she screamed... and she began to gag....
Just then she noticed that the homeless guy had apparently started a fire in the alleyway. And unfortunately, she was also getting a little too close to that fire....
A sharp pain lashed through Scrapper’s abdominal region.. "Aw, shit, Mix I'm gonna slagging puke…" Hand over his mouth, he tried to keep it in. He swallowed the gas rising in his mouth, struggling not to taste it again. He stood on rocky feet, doubled over. "Yo dude, oil, please?" he begged the homeless dude.
Mix couldn't take it any longer. He had to let loose. The gas and oil rushed up from his stomach and spewed out of his mouth, flooding it with a horrid taste unlike anything he'd ever tasted before...
Sari lurched forward, unable to hold it in any longer. She then puked so hard that she thought she was going to throw her shoes up, too…
It was the sound of retching that got to Scrapper. He stood up, stumbling towards the two, and lost the battle between him and the gasoline. It was the worst vomiting he'd ever experienced. Period.
And it all landed on that poor homeless guy's fire.
Bright light flared up inside his eyelids, and for a moment he thought he'd passed out, but then the heat swept his face, all along the line of vomit hanging on his outer plating and on his face. He couldn't help it—he puked again, and the flames climbed higher, catching on his oil-covered outer plating. When the pain got through—and it got through—he began to scream.
Mix had two seconds to realize where he was and the flames were on him. "OH HOLY SLAG! OH MY F—” He screamed as the flames roared higher, his oil-coated plating instantly ablaze, and the heat licking his metallic skin. "GET THEM OFF! SLAGGIT!" He stumbled towards the homeless man, who was now horrified. In moments Mix’s robotic armor plating began to melt off. It turned black and began to run together, like metallic, melting taffy. Chunks dropped off him to the ground, smoke rising from them.
His optics exploded outward, the molten remains oozing out onto his face, quickly sticking to his face-plating. He dropped to the ground and attempted to roll, but it was useless. He struggled to his knees and crawled towards where he though the homeless human was. "Help! Help me, please!" was all he could say before he collapsed.
Sari didn't even see what was happening to anyone else, and she didn't care either. She let out one last, long, explosive spew of puked gasoline mixed with beer—it erupted from her mouth like a long, continuous stream of juice. But the fact that it was continuous, squirting from her stomach, up her esophagus and out of her mouth, into the fire, well....
Let's just say that the fire just had to catch the end of the "stream" coming out of her mouth, and follow it right into her mouth, go down her throat, and right into her stomach. Next thing she knew, her mouth was nothing more than charred flesh and bones and teeth, and her eyes widened—she thought she wanted to scream, but her thought and esophagus were too badly scorched. But that was the least of her worries, since her stomach had not yet emptied all of its contents, and there was still a fair mix of beer and gas in there. So her stomach was practically a bomb, one that only needed a spark… and once the flame reached her stomach… KABOOM.
Parts of her.... went everywhere. Her chest and stomach were complete goners, her legs were completely thrown from her body, so basically.... she was just a charred head attached to some bones and my arms, laying there, staring up at the sky.
She knew she probably wasn't going to live much longer... but oh well... life was certainly fun while it lasted.....
Scrapper heard the explosion, but it was as if it was from a far away place. The flames were chewing his body, eating him alive, choking him with their fumes. His vocalizer no longer worked enough to call out for help—it was just him, alone in his burning torture.
Alone.
The flames clawed at his face, reaching upwards towards his optics. He was already on the ground, face-first in somebody's vomit, and it was eating him. There were no words to describe the pain. The flames ate his mouth and cheeks and optics, burning his head and leaving only molten metal remaining, but that burned, too, burning all the way to the core…
His consciousness faded in and out, as if in a dream, and then the dreams stopped all together.
Mix couldn’t go on anymore. The last of his strength faded and he dropped face-down into the dirt.
The homeless guy scratched the back of his head. Suffering from severe mental disabilities, including deafness, he had no idea what just happened. It must be a game, he thought, but frowned. It didn't look like a fun game, though—they'd stolen the warm-light and that was bad. But they looked like they were having fun, so he sat down cross-legged and peered down at the closest one. "Hevvylio???"
No answer.
He knocked on their skull, which was as warm as the warm-fire, and as pretty-sparkly. He held his hands over it, surprised by the warmth. He leaned against his car sleepily. They could stay with him for a while. He wouldn't mind.
