>>4402252randomly this post is SO relevant to one of my situations atm, including the "aki of your day" part... weird name coincidences sis
anyway, my current problem ATM is that for at least a year now, maybe two, I've been having frequent panic attacks and absolutely terrible mood swings. They come without warning, and usually go through phases of first totally normal and happy and upbeat, then just angry, SO angry I could beat things, and finally just so, so depressed that I can't even move, crying like I just got stabbed in the gut. I thought that maybe it was because I wasn't getting out enough, so I went out and got a new job and have been going to the gym to exercise and just keep myself busy, but they're not going away. I still have TERRIBLE panic attacks at LEAST every other night, and even have had them happen to me during work. I'm just hoping they'll stop and go away on their own, but they just keep getting worse.
It's really terrible, because the things that I've ALWAYS been interested in are what cause these panic attacks. For as long as I can remember, I've been a huge fan of anything that falls into the mystery/psychological genre-- I love studying the occult and tragedies, cults, all of those spooky things. They didn't use to scare me at all, but now they send me into my panic attacks at the drop of a pin. I keep trying to become interested in other things, but I can't stop liking what I like... My panic attacks are always, always sparked by death-- the fear of death, the presence of death, the realization that at ANY SECOND I could die, or that I will die eventually and become nothing-- these are the things that spook me. Sometimes my panic attacks are so bad that i wish I could just die and get it OVER with, but my suicide attempts have always failed because even though I'd want to die, my fear of death which caused the panic attack in the first place prevents me.
Not sure that makes sense, but that's what's going on with anon.