/ck/ - Food & Cooking » Thread #3704551

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Anonymous Fri 29 Jun 2012 18:02:25 No.3704551 View View Reply Original Report

Quoted By:

ITT: stories about people derping with food. I'll start.

>Working at restaurant
>guy walks in for breakfast buffet
>points at french toast
>"What's that?"
>"That is french toast, sir"
>What's the difference between that and normal toast
>mfw I have to explain what french toast is

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 18:42:44 No.3706609 Report

Quoted By:

>Go to steak house
>order T-bone steak
>try and try to cut it
>fucker will not cut
>call waiter over to table
>me: I want a new steak
>waiter: I( can't do that , sir.
>Why not?
>Waiter: Because you bent it

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 18:44:27 No.3706612 Report

Quoted By:

>We sell a Lemon Panna Cotta in my restaurant.
>New member of Staff takes dessert order.
>Calls it Lemon Pancetta in front of customers.
>Had to explain what Pancetta is to new member of staff.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 18:54:21 No.3706619 Report

Quoted By:

>work at restaurant
>take drink orders for table of four
>get 2 drink orders wrong
>table complains
>manager fires me that night after punching out
>fucking stupid public
>move back in with my Mother
>live in basement
>little sister comes downstairs to watch T.V.
>cooking show on
>Rachel Ray rubbing spices on piece of meat
>Look at little sister
>Ask if she would like to do that
>She says sure
>Get on the floor
>Everybody walk the dinosaur

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 18:56:04 No.3706622 Report

Quoted By:

>>3706285
they're called rockmelonw where I live

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 20:52:25 No.3706802 Report

Quoted By:

>>3706285
A lot of people know them as musk melon around here. They have a number of names.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 21:05:43 No.3706829 Report

Quoted By:

>>3704763

that's quite possibly even worse than pronouncing it 'doo*-velle' , you moron

'doovelle' is how french belgians and french people in general would pronounce duvel , so in a way it's correct.

It would be difficult to find corresponding sounds in english to pronounce duvel like the flemish do

closest would be ... the french way of saying 'du' (as in duc, duvet) and prolonging the vowel and then vel with a schwa e (as in taken)

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Jun 2012 23:22:13 No.3706863 Report

Quoted By: >>3707084

one time my sister ate an apple

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 02:07:20 No.3707073 Report

Quoted By: >>3707085 >>3707087 >>3707097

>decide to fry pork chops
>realize that I have actually never fried a pork chop
>start cookan, so far so good, start making misc side dishes
>all is going wonderfully
>OH GOD FIRE ALARM WHY IS THE FIRE ALARM HAPPENING WHAT
>Fire alarm is part of automated security system, it starts screaming at me as I struggle to turn it off
>FIRE FIRE DEACTIVATE IN 10 SECONDS OR FIRE DEPARTMENT WILL BE DISPATCH OMG FIRE FIRE
>did not deactivate in 10 seconds
>firemens show up, apparently the grease was too hot, and the fire alarm is super touchy
>feel bad that they had to come in for no reason in their cute lil fireman outfits
>make them to-go plates

I have so many stories about me derping in the kitchen, if you're interested.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 04:46:36 No.3707084 Report

Quoted By:

>>3706863
That bitch

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 04:47:24 No.3707085 Report

Quoted By:

>>3707073
You sound like a gigantic faggot

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 04:48:07 No.3707087 Report

Quoted By:

>>3707073
That was nice of you

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 04:53:49 No.3707097 Report

Quoted By: >>3707722

>>3707073
You're not cookin'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4OPr_QxoFg

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 04:57:21 No.3707104 Report

Quoted By:

>>3704719
>argulula
lol my sides

I'm sure u mean arugula

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 10:37:17 No.3707630 Report

Quoted By: >>3707659 >>3707679

I did this ONCE, needless to say my life has taken a turn.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 11:14:06 No.3707659 Report

Quoted By: >>3707708

>>3707630

jesus christ...

Might I ask how your hospital visit went?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 11:20:50 No.3707664 Report

Quoted By: >>3707667

>Hotel breakfast buffet.
>Shit tier food.
>Grab muffin.
>Muffin is moldy.
>Shrug, throw away.
>Kenyan points and admonishes me in moon language for throwing food away.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 11:22:16 No.3707666 Report

Quoted By: >>3707675

>Work produce at a grocery store
>Biggest store in the county, have to deal with shitheads every day.
>One day, while putting out the corn, a woman approaches me.
>"Sir, I need help with the grapes."
>Ask her what exactly she needs help with.
>"I need to know what white grapes are. I see the red grapes, the black grapes, and the green grapes, but no white grapes. What are they?"
>mfw I have to explain to this bitch that white grapes aren't actually white, but rather green.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 11:23:30 No.3707667 Report

Quoted By: >>3707673

>>3707664
You don't know what moon language is lol @ fail racist
newfaggot. /b/ stay there.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 11:27:27 No.3707671 Report

Quoted By: >>3707788

>>3705113
>>3705163
I also live in student accommodation, have social anxiety and work at McDonalds.
fuck.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 11:28:12 No.3707673 Report

Quoted By: >>3707680

>>3707667
>Responding with a sexual epithet to protest someone using a racial epithet.

Good God, you are in every thread.
You have no idea what kind of an autistic robot you sound like. Or maybe you do and that's how 'i troll u! lol'

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 11:30:53 No.3707675 Report

Quoted By: >>3707681

>>3707666
well, it's a misnomer you fucking pretentious hipster foodie bitch

>mfw i'm too above this "earth" and "life" nonsense

This Machine Kills Statists !n6FDTJwqtg

This Machine Kills Statists !n6FDTJwqtg Sun 01 Jul 2012 11:34:38 No.3707679 Report

Quoted By: >>3707683

>>3707630
What happened?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 11:35:36 No.3707680 Report

Quoted By: >>3707682

>>3707673
Moonspeak has nothing to do with Kenyans. People who recently began browsing this website, and often misuse terminology are commonly referred to as newfags. That term has no connection to homosexuality.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 11:37:47 No.3707681 Report

Quoted By:

>>3707675
The fuck are you talking about, kid?
Yes, it is a misnomer. That much is true. But there's obviously no such thing as a fucking white grape. A grown woman should be able to understand that if three types of grapes are clearly labeled red, black and white, then the color that more closely resembles white (HINT, it's fucking green) should be the white grape.

This Machine Kills Statists !n6FDTJwqtg

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This Machine Kills Statists !n6FDTJwqtg Sun 01 Jul 2012 11:39:17 No.3707682 Report

Quoted By:

>>3707680

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 11:41:14 No.3707683 Report

Quoted By:

>>3707679
>>3707679
Well obviously when he poured the ice water in the flaming oil he either lit his house or himself on fire.

noko

noko Sun 01 Jul 2012 11:46:19 No.3707687 Report

Quoted By:

>>3705550

Cook it on a cookie sheet next time. Just form it into a loaf. That way the grease will run off.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 12:03:47 No.3707704 Report

Quoted By:

>>3705386
That's a Fawlty Towers reference, you uncultured fuck.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 12:03:51 No.3707705 Report

Quoted By: >>3707707

>busy toiling away at the 5:30 rush of hungry drunks.
>morbidly obese bartender Lisa appears in doorway offering to help.
No thanks, I got it.
>completely ignores me, looks at orders, and starts throwing shit I JUST FUCKIG COOKED in the deep fryer.
Jesus Christ what are you doing.
>oh.. i didn't.. sorry.., followed by a little smirk
>resume cutting peppers or some shit
>bitch starts fucking with my burgers now.
Goddammit, go do your job Lisa, get out of my kitchen!
>oh sorry! (heehee)
>proceeds to take the wrong tittyfucking order out to a guy who orders the same shitdicking thing every day.

I am going to kill this bitch.

And of course our boss is nowhere to be found. Not so much of a derp story if she's a succubus hambeast who fucks with me every day, I guess.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 12:07:38 No.3707707 Report

Quoted By: >>3707709

>>3707705

She wants your cock.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 12:08:38 No.3707708 Report

Quoted By:

>>3707659

poorly, to say the least. I spent more time there than I wanted to. I was prescribed a LOT of painkillers, about 300x 7.5mg percocet. It could have been worse, we lost our house, the insurance somehow covered it. My arms are fine today except the marks.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 12:12:12 No.3707709 Report

Quoted By:

>>3707707
Careful, she might try to eat it

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 12:26:02 No.3707716 Report

Quoted By: >>3707721 >>3707765 >>3707792

>>3705113
holy fuck anon, this happened to me on campus at college

>korean exchange student lives in the dorms with us
>keeps to herself, stays in her room when shes not at class
>me and friend having a couple of beers on a friday evening, its holidays and not many people are around so korea girl has been venturing out of her den a lot more
>we sit in silence and she comes out of her room with a sweet potato, turns the grill on, and sticks it under, and then shuffles back to her room
>45 seconds to a minute pass before she shuffles back and collects her potato
>puzzled looks flash across our faces and we nearly die laughing, tears streaming down our faces

what the fuck, what was she doing? it wouldnt even have been warm. every once in a while she made some kind of fish stew and it was really pungent but seemed like it would taste fucking awesome...

she'll probably went back to korea with stories about how australians drink like fucking retards, do drugs and are loud, dumb and promiscuous. so i guess she had the last laugh.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 12:50:56 No.3707721 Report

Quoted By:

>>3707716
That wierd bitch eats sweet potatoes raw. You got the last laugh.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 12:52:52 No.3707722 Report

Quoted By:

>>3707097
Yeah I do

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 14:23:12 No.3707765 Report

Quoted By: >>3707779

>>3707716

Perhaps she decided that she did not want it anymore?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 14:49:22 No.3707779 Report

Quoted By:

>>3707765
possible.... but wasnt the vibe we got, if you know what i mean.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 14:59:05 No.3707788 Report

Quoted By:

>>3707671
I've met plenty of people like you, only one of them has burnt my house down though. I recommend not doing so if you ever get the urge.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 15:03:51 No.3707792 Report

Quoted By: >>3708799

>>3707716
That might be how they eat it over there. I lived with a Vietnamese girl for a while who'd make blood soup, or burn sugar into a saucepan, pour a load of lard in, then just eat that.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 20:51:50 No.3708152 Report

Quoted By:

Looking down on someone, no matter their age for a lack of knowledge in what French toast, isn't very nice.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 21:40:39 No.3708218 Report

Quoted By:

One time I accidentally a cucumber.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sun 01 Jul 2012 22:14:23 No.3708277 Report

Quoted By:

I was helping out with catering for some relative's party when this shit happened
>some guy comes to me and tells me he wants a beer, then grabs a full glass that stands in front of him without letting me respond
>I tell him it's a mixed beer someone else ordered
>he takes two sips then puts it away and says he hates mixed beer and I have to make him a new one. Also had to pour away the rest of the mixed beer and make a new one for the other person.
>as I'm drawing him a new beer he turns around and speaks with someone then turn back and takes the finished beer
>he sips again and says that I made him a mixed beer again and pours it out
>HE THEN FUCKING REPEATED THE SAME THING
>after having poured out 3 beer already out of which 2 were as he wanted I tell him to watch me draw his next one
>he watches me, drinks it and says in the most cocky tone "took you long enough"
>mfw through this whole situation

I nearly beat that fucker (was only helping out voluntary anyhow).
To make me even happier some older guy came to me later on and explained to me over half an hour how I have to draw to beer, because he did that like 10 times before and thought he was greatest fucking beer drawer ever.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 02 Jul 2012 03:00:29 No.3708799 Report

Quoted By:

>>3707792
>blood soup
You mean, raw, coagulated blood with chopped animal innards? That's fucking delicious. Did you at least try some?

>burn sugar into a saucepan, pour a load of lard in, then just eat that.
Either you made this up, or the girl was a full retard. No one in Vietnam eats anything like that, man.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 02 Jul 2012 03:04:07 No.3708811 Report

Quoted By:

>surrender toast
>freedom toast
>ethical toast
>wears onions and rides a bike toast
etc

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 02 Jul 2012 03:09:55 No.3708830 Report

Quoted By:

>mom is normally a good cook
>except when she's drunk
>she tries to make chili (from scratch)
>she put baking soda into an almost-complete chili (all it needed was some simmering)
>to check for "doneness", she puts her face mere inches away from the pot
>she comments that it's too hot so she starts blowing away at the steam with her breath
>she starts spitting in the chili
>she eventually sobers up
>she denies this ever happened

Anonymous

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Anonymous Mon 02 Jul 2012 03:30:48 No.3708877 Report

Quoted By: >>3709007

>be Scottish
>student halls
>Indian flatmate
>cunt is 30 years old and bald
>me and other flatmates know basics of cooking (dont put X in the over, Y isnt safe in microwave etc)
>Indian fellow puts ready meal in the oven, plastic tray and all
>cant wait to see how this fucking abomination turns out
>plastic melts/burns into some kind of catastrophic twisted foetal abortion being (with caremalized mousakka still withtained)
>mfw when he eats it
>mfw there is no face to describe this specimin of human fuckupery

Used to do shit like this all the fucking time. The fucker ate 4 ready meals a day, I swear he was radioactive.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 02 Jul 2012 04:21:35 No.3708970 Report

Quoted By:

>>3705452
Late, flemish guy here, never heard anyone pronounce it other than with an u like in uber, and the vel is pronounced like fell. düvel? I'm bad at sounds. Don't know how the walloons pronounce it, but the word is dutch in origin (from duivel=devil).

We indeed don't give a shit, but we'll laugh at funny accents like any person. Also, duvel isn't even the best belgian beer (by far), yet it's one of the only ones I ever see mentioned here :(

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 02 Jul 2012 04:46:27 No.3709007 Report

Quoted By:

>>3708877
That's just his way of building up a resistance to plastic poisoning.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 02 Jul 2012 04:55:44 No.3709031 Report

Quoted By:

>cooked popcorn on the stovetop using peanut oil
I really don't know what was wrong with me that day. I also ended up setting off the fire alarm.
I should probably stop trying to cook anything at 12 am.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 02 Jul 2012 05:54:44 No.3709153 Report

Quoted By:

Cue the Aziz Ansari bit about 50 Cent not knowing what a grapefruit was.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waCF81HdKAA

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THOSE ORANGES?!

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