/ck/ - Food & Cooking » Thread #2113973

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Anonymous !!VGDFxEvny Fri 30 Jul 2010 03:11:00 No.2113973 View View Reply Original Report

Is anyone in your family a horrible cook?
Let's hear some stories.

My mother in law adds seasoning salt and chili powder to EVERYTHING, until it is all bright orange. She refuses to let anyone else make anything, and if they do, she waltzes over and salts n chilis the piss out of it.

Google pic related, she made a pot of undercooked chicken on top of bright red/orange mashed potatoes, on top of mac n chili powder seasoning salt.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 03:17:00 No.2113985 Report

Quoted By:

i want some crappy mac and cheese now. I haven't had it in ages, and I know its not great but the nostalgia....

Oh_Pee

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Oh_Pee Fri 30 Jul 2010 03:17:00 No.2113988 Report

Quoted By: >>2114002

I am the shitty cook in my family...

I have these horrible things which I call "Spice Blackouts"... I open the door to the spice cupboard and thats the last thing I remember...

the next thing I know I'm coming to and every herb & spice is sitting out on the countertop and my food tastes like shit.

Every time I cook I tell myself I'm just going to follow the recipe, but I cant stop myself. :(

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 03:20:00 No.2114000 Report

Quoted By:

My father loves to make soup out of all the leftovers in the fridge. I can recall a mac and cheese, tomato sauce, baked chicken and peas soup one time, I vowed to cook all of my food after that.

crankest I'm

crankest I'm Fri 30 Jul 2010 03:21:00 No.2114002 Report

Quoted By:

>>2113988
lol i do the samee thing
sometimes i cant even eat my own food... but my mom always eat it cuz she doesnt like to cook

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 03:22:00 No.2114003 Report

Quoted By:

My mother used to be a bad cook, she was alright with chicken but the moment she had to make something else, or pop something into the oven.. well let's just say that I knew dinner was ready when the fire alarm went off. Many a blackened porkchop. Not to good with seasoning unlss it involved soysauce. She's gotten better though.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 03:27:00 No.2114029 Report

Quoted By: >>2114561

The only problem with my mother's cooking was that it was usually pretty bland and it's usually the same shit every week.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 03:29:00 No.2114035 Report

Quoted By: >>2114050

My mum's usually alright, but she has a drinking problem, once we had a guest from the states and she made the most godawful thing I'd ever tasted: took cod steaks out of freezer without noticing they were freezerburned to shit put cheese and peas on top, lewft in oven for at least half an hour too long. Was so fucking embarassed, especially when she fell asleep at the table.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 03:34:00 No.2114050 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114035
Bwahahahaahaaa!

...ACAs are funny

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 03:38:00 No.2114061 Report

Quoted By: >>2114076 >>2114090 >>2114092 >>2114101 >>2114111 >>2115003

OP here, sister in law is pretty similar as well.
The only dishes she makes are tacos with plain beef, sloppy joes, and chicken. The chicken is just chicken+dish+bottle of italian dressing+oven.

For Thanksgiving I was going to bake a cheesecake, and she did the shopping. I look on the table and find a box of JELLO INSTANT CHEESECAKE. I ask about cream cheese etc.
She says none of thats in real cheesecake, and that she makes it from scratch all the time, using...that box of instant.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 03:41:00 No.2114067 Report

Quoted By:

In our house, it would have to be my younger sister. I came home from uni last Christmas and found that we had brand new sets of frying pans, because she'd burnt the shit out of the old ones and left them completely unusable. She's 19 and can't even make herself an omelette without setting off the smoke alarms. Popcorn making falls to me now because last time she tried to make some she walked away from the pan and completely forgot about it.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 03:44:00 No.2114076 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114061
dear god

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 03:49:00 No.2114085 Report

Quoted By:

my boyfriend's dad puts bbq sauce on every kind of meat ... then for sides he makes instant mash potatoes and some kind of canned veggie.
he also over cooks pasta.
he hates anything i make that has any kind of spices or herbs

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 03:53:00 No.2114090 Report

Quoted By: >>2114103

>>2114061
does she browse /ck/? cause I swear everytime we have an easy recipe thread someone always says chicken breasts, Kraft italian dressing, and cheese.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 03:54:00 No.2114092 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114061
time to smack a bitch

Fruitbat !!VGDFxEvny

Fruitbat !!VGDFxEvny Fri 30 Jul 2010 03:56:00 No.2114094 Report

Quoted By:

My brother's cooking is horrifying. Chili, oatmeal and peanut butter on the same piece of toast.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 03:58:00 No.2114101 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114061
>>She says none of thats in real cheesecake, and that she makes it from scratch all the time, using...that box of instant.

I would...freak the FUCK OUT on her. That's...just shameful.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:00:00 No.2114103 Report

Quoted By: >>2114257

>>2114090
She has no idea what 4chan is, and there's clearly no way in hell she'd spend any of her time learning to cook.
I kinda feel bad for her husband. Stuck eating that shit everyday, or trying to come up with excuses for getting taco bell or something often.

She has kids too, but they're spoiled fuckfaces.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:05:00 No.2114105 Report

Quoted By: >>2115003

My younger sister pretends to do her own cooking....and gets tons of credit for kindness and family leadership. She actually has her husband cooks things, steals them from her work or buys them at the gas station. I am not sure she is capable of cooking anything....although she is proud of all the things she heats up from bags. If she weren't such a mean person, I wouldn't be upset about her getting away with this (and belittling those of us who live our lives honestly).

I have a friend (sort of) who invites you to a party....then suddenly has you cooking while he is continuing to pretend having a disability. Eventually, everyone ends up cooking for him or even providing the food and cooking. He brags of what a good cook he is....but I try to avoid even touching food at his house after having to go the doctor for e-coli from pork that he later admitted to leaving on the counter for a long time. Hand-washing is unheard of at his house and he/his spouse have some REALLY gross habits.

AVL

AVL Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:06:00 No.2114111 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114061

sounds like your brother needs a divorce ASAP.

captcha: subspace Ritter

Anonymous !ozOtJW9BFA

Anonymous !ozOtJW9BFA Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:10:00 No.2114123 Report

Quoted By: >>2114126

My mom doesn't season stuff at all.

This is how she makes chicken breast

1.Through some red potatos in boiling water
2.Lets that cook
3.Adds chicken
4.Lets that cook

BOOM YOU GOT YOURSELF DINNER

Anonymous !ozOtJW9BFA

Anonymous !ozOtJW9BFA Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:11:00 No.2114126 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114123
*throw

my bad

AVL

AVL Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:13:00 No.2114129 Report

Quoted By:

ewww boiled chicken. D=

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:16:00 No.2114137 Report

Quoted By: >>2114143 >>2114147

My mother seems to think every recipe requires a stick of butter at some point.

I used to be a fiend with chili powder, but now I cut it with paprika. It's worked out for the better.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:19:00 No.2114141 Report

Quoted By: >>2114146

Hey, the Chinese make a mean boiled chicken.

Don't diss it till you tried it.

AVL

AVL Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:20:00 No.2114143 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114137
are you one of the deen boys???

Anonymous !ozOtJW9BFA

Anonymous !ozOtJW9BFA Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:20:00 No.2114146 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114141
I'm white

oh and she doesn't salt/pepper that at all.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:20:00 No.2114147 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114137
Your mom is Paula Deen?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:23:00 No.2114154 Report

Quoted By:

was referring more to AVL's post but since I'm on my Wii and I didn't feel like remembering his post number I didn't quote it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:25:00 No.2114156 Report

Quoted By: >>2114165 >>2114180 >>2114697 >>2114904 >>2115003

My brother is surprisingly worthless in the kitchen and housework in general. The kitchen might be full with everything you need to make a fuckawesome meal, and he will make himself a sandwich, beause he has no idea how to make anything else. If there's no bread in the house, hell, he'll eat the cheese by itself. No bread, cheese, ham, or anything sandwich-y? SULK UNTIL FED.

He's also an inconsiderate fuck when it comes to food. I might bring home four pieces of cake for the four memembers of the family, yet he will still eat two and say "oh, I thought two were mine" when asked why the fuck he did it.

My mother and I have started actively hiding snacks and so on, since neither my brother nor father have any concept of "saving it for later".

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:28:00 No.2114165 Report

Quoted By: >>2114192

>>2114156

Chocolate laxative pudding time.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:28:00 No.2114166 Report

Quoted By:

My youngest brother (who is still 8 years older than I am) feels the need to fry everything that he makes in grease. Lots and lots of grease. It doesn't matter what the fuck he's cooking, he'll manage to stink the house up and coat the entire stove in grease. He buys weird expensive ingredients, uses them once, and then shoves them in the back of the fridge. They always start smelling like shit after a few weeks so we throw them away and he gets all pissed.

He also thinks that eating steak any less than well-done will give you horrible parasites. He insists on cooking his steak until it's 190-200F, which is basically the temperature at which it just becomes a hunk of charcoal.

He constantly tries to give my dad and I cooking advice even though he doesn't know shit about cooking. Pisses me off.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:31:00 No.2114170 Report

Quoted By:

My older sis is usually a decent cook, but today she put on a pot of eggs to boil and completely forgot them. I noticed something was wrong when I heard them exploding from the other room.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:33:00 No.2114173 Report

Quoted By:

I used to believe my mother was an alright cook, but she either stopped trying or never was any good. She constantly burns and undercooks food, sometimes simultaneously. God forbid if she gets drunk either, then she shifts into full retard and raids the kitchen, slapping any goddamn ingredient on top of/mixes them into an inedible slurry. So much good food laid to waste...

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:34:00 No.2114174 Report

Quoted By:

I come from a family of fantastic cooks.

I RULE

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:34:00 No.2114175 Report

Quoted By:

I'm the bad cook. It's just me and my wife, and she has a lot of dietary restrictions, and she's also a picky eater.

I barely get to cook anything because I'm desperately afraid that I'll make something she doesn't like.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:35:00 No.2114179 Report

Quoted By: >>2114198

Pic related.

My father in law uses the white part, and throws the green part away.

He actually corrected me when I used primarily the green. (It was his kitchen, though, so I couldn't really argue with him.)

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:35:00 No.2114180 Report

Quoted By: >>2114196 >>2114205 >>2114233 >>2114697 >>2115003

>>2114156
My bro is pretty similar. He ate my moms box of some kind of ice cream, which she saves for when her blood sugar gets really low (DANGEROUSLY DIABEETUS)
Then when confronted with it, a big "FUCK ALL OF YOU FOR BLAMING ME WHEN I DIDNT EAT SHIT" as he throws the box/wrappers away. Does that all the time.

He also tags along when my fiancee and I do snack runs at Wal Fart or something, and toss in about $60 worth of shit for himself only, without asking. I buy my own sodas since I'm the only one who doesn't drink diet(usually), so I'd buy him a pack of root beer or something as well. Come home the next night and find the root beer all gone, but my delicious Dr Pepper as well. Fuckin asshole.

I buy you your own shit and you still have to steal all of mine?

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:40:00 No.2114191 Report

Quoted By: >>2115003

My niece-in-law is a horrible cook, as well as a pretty crappy person. She cooks out of spite, to give you an idea. Someone once said, when she asked outright, if something was too salty and that person said yes, so now she does not use any salt at all. None.

She's lazy and ignorant, and if one (say, someone with 25 years experience in food and cooking) were to offer advice ("you might want to maybe dry that meat a bit if you want it to brown at all") she will get furious and do the exact opposite. Which is why she ruins her steaks by essentially steaming them and cooking them at a low heat forever until they resemble gray oven mitts.

Oh and she's racist, stupid and Republican (lol redundant). She's really awful.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:40:00 No.2114192 Report

Quoted By:

Right, I was recently invited over to a guy's house for dinner. The guy is a mechanical engineer who basically built his own damn house and a beautiful grill made out of recycled parts. It's like a steampunk grill, with moving gears all over. The man is nothing short of a genius, and a damn fine cook, too.

Then along comes his useless stain of a wife. The woman is fat, has never worked a day of her life, and loves nothing more than to brag about all the luxurious shit she owns. That day, she was basically left in charge of cooking yam, which is rather easy. Two hours later the food is done, and she hasn't even started. She just throws them into a pot to boil, forces us to let all the delicious meat grow cold while the yam cooks, and then when she finally serves it -- it tastes like complete and utter ass. Fuck that woman.

>>2114165
I've considered it, but I grew up hearing about how not to fuck with any type of medicine, etc. under any circumstance, since both my parents are pharmacists.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:41:00 No.2114196 Report

Quoted By: >>2114208

>>2114180

12 sodas in a day? At least he'll die soon.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:42:00 No.2114198 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114179
Yes, you can argue with him. Especially when he is wrong. Though this process does assume that you have a working set of testicles.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:44:00 No.2114201 Report

Quoted By:

ITT: Catharsis

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:45:00 No.2114205 Report

Quoted By: >>2114223

>>2114180
confront him/get your own place/make him repay you for eating/drinking your stuff

or start laceing with laxitive

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:46:00 No.2114208 Report

Quoted By: >>2114220 >>2116551

>>2114196
They were 24 packs actually. But yeah.
(Slightly irrelevant, forgot to mention im the OP as well. Goddamn, I am surrounded by fuckheads.)

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:47:00 No.2114210 Report

Quoted By:

My mom. She used to be a lot worse, but has gotten better in most areas.

The one area she hasn't...meat. She claims that she simply cannot stomach meat unless it is cooked through to grayness because, I quote, "I was a vegetarian for a few weeks in college, and I just haven't been able to eat red meat since without feeling sick."

She is convinced that sterile interior muscle is filled with bacteria, so everything gets cooked through to the color and consistency of asphalt.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:47:00 No.2114212 Report

Quoted By:

My mother always undercooks our potatoes.. and when my father made them he asked her if they were done, she told him they were perfect. They get served.. yeah taste like shit. I don't like most of the food she makes so I'm glad I don't live at home. My father is quite a good cook though <3

BR = BEE ARR = BEEARR = BEAR !!13eH4j9Ng

http://thebigdawg.webs.com/stream/index.html

BR = BEE ARR = BEEARR = BEAR !!13eH4j9Ng Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:47:00 No.2114213 Report

Quoted By:

>>2113973
>Is anyone in your family a horrible cook?

My dad. He's so bad...well, you know that scene where Homer Simpson is making breakfast for Mr. Burns, and the milk/cereal catches fire? That's how bad he is.

I'm not that much better, to be honest. I can do a ramelette (we've all seen that image) consistently well, but try to make a normal omelet and I mess it up big time. I also have a tendency to combine random spices and stuff and...well, they taste good to me, but it varies from person to person otherwise.

Same with alcohol, I'll mix random alcohols together that most people would gag at, but it ends up tasting good to me, though they're usually too strong for most people.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:49:00 No.2114220 Report

Quoted By: >>2114262

>>2114208

48 sodas in a day? Jesus christ, I was mortified by him drinking two six packs a day.

I grew up being allowed ONE soda a day. Two, if you've had a particularly awful day or want to celebrate a little.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:50:00 No.2114223 Report

Quoted By: >>2114235 >>2114275

>>2114205
I think I'm going to. Then again he's used to eating until he pukes. (Like 30 McChickens, what the fuck.)

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:53:00 No.2114233 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114180
I can't drink soda because I'm pre-diabetic -- doctor says only the diet stuff, and even then to do it rarely. Everyone in the house knows this, yet when I ask him to please go buy some drinks and food, he will always bring back non-diet soda. Whenever I send him out nowdays I need to specify the brand and type of juice I want, and even then he grumbles because he's offended by how I treat him like a stupid little kid.

GUESS WHAT, FUCKER.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:53:00 No.2114235 Report

Quoted By: >>2114272

>>2114223

uh... jesus christ how fat is your fucking brother?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:59:00 No.2114257 Report

Quoted By: >>2114272

>>2114103
Does he cook?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 04:59:00 No.2114262 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114220
He's not diabetic or anything, surprisingly. But it is kinda scary to see him take in so much so often.
I mean, I'd get tired of getting stuck drinking Diet Coke every damn day too and go overboard if root beer was my favorite too, but not 24 sodas in one day overboard.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 05:02:00 No.2114272 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114257
>>2114235
He doesnt have time to, he's in the Marines and usually isn't home until 8pm. Maybe things changed since I moved outta there, idk.

I'd say he's 4 bucks and a lotta pocket change.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 05:02:00 No.2114273 Report

Quoted By: >>2114281

OP's brother here -- OP is just jealous because I am ALPHA and she sucks ass. She even has a girlfriend (if you can call that ugly fat POS a girl). Bro is so weak and I try to man him up by taking his shit, but he just whines (MAYBE) and won't assert herself. Fuck her.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 05:02:00 No.2114275 Report

Quoted By: >>2114305

>>2114223
Holy crap, maybe he got switched out for a pig at birth.

You should hide your shit better.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 05:05:00 No.2114281 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114273
-10/10

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 05:12:00 No.2114305 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114275
He made himself fat on purpose because he got picked on in elementary school. I think he's trying to turn himself into the Juggernaut, but his hearts going to explode before that's done.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 05:20:00 No.2114328 Report

Quoted By:

Me. But mostly through lack of trying. When I'm at college I just buy campus food, but mostly because its too much of a hassle to trek all the way to the basement and drag supplies back and forth. Usually the rest of my family cooks when I'm home so I'm usually set.

When I'm left to my own devices to feed myself I usually end up making a sandwich, cooking some canned soup/ravioli/whatever, heating up leftovers, or fixing a bowl of ramen noodles (I toss extra spices, eggs and leftover chicken into that). Or I wander out and grab take out. I don't really cook because I never really cooked.

though I have taken up raiding the pantry and taking shit that's been sitting there untouched for far too long and turning them into some pretty tasty cookies.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 05:46:00 No.2114400 Report

Quoted By: >>2114405

my mom is a classically trained chef, and she started teaching me to cook once i was tall enough comfortably reach the countertop. she also tried to teach my dad when she first met him, as well as my younger brother, but they both showed no interest. when she used to work weekends my dad came up with the idea that the three of us should take turns cooking dinner.

My dad ended up cutting his thumb to the bone while trying to open a can of tomatoes, and my brother was literally too dumb to use a fucking deep fryer. He dumped a mountain of fries into it, half of which were actually above the oil and ended up soggy, while the ones further down were so badly burned that some were actually black all the way through. When i asked him why the fuck he had overloaded the basket he said "I though the heat would make them shrink".

Thankfully, both of them no longer cook.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 05:48:00 No.2114405 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114400
> I though the heat would make them shrink
> ended up cutting his thumb to the bone while trying to open a can of tomatoes
classic

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 05:51:00 No.2114415 Report

Quoted By: >>2114455

My mother BAKES every meat item she creates, for about 40% longer than necessary. When you chew it, it feels like dry couscous, and leaves you with cotton-mouth.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 06:03:00 No.2114455 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114415
I imagined the meat exploding into dust when you bit into it.
I lol'd.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 06:14:00 No.2114490 Report

Quoted By:

Nope. They're all pretty decent.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 06:34:00 No.2114536 Report

Quoted By:

My sister is a health nut, so soy and tofu and "healthy" shit - but edible, none the less she's not allowed to cook when she visits.
I've never seen my brother cook before he moved out.
My grandparents lived through the depression, so they passed on that crap to my parents.
My mother can cook fairly well, but she doesn't like to cook anymore, so she'll let things burn because she forgot.
My dad mainly prefers simple meat and potato stuff, but rarely cooks.

But I... I apparently have an odd pallet, so I can be a horrible cook.
I can follow a recipe, but I normally don't and just follow my sense of taste and smell.
I like just about everything I make, but it can be really fucking weird.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 06:36:00 No.2114543 Report

Quoted By: >>2115399

When I was a kid, I always wanted fudge, cake, pie, or some other dessert. After nagging my mom all the time, she eventually fell back from "no" to "make it yourself". As a result, I only cook desserts. And I'm still scrawny.

My mom's a good cook, but she doesn't like doing it much. She says it's not rewarding enough for her.

My dad is a good cook, but that's only because he researches the fuck out of a dish before making it.

My grandmother does the exact same thing at every family gathering: 1. she volunteers to make everything. 2. she gets overwhelmed by all the work. 3. everybody offers to help. 4. she violently refuses all help. 5. she can't finish everything on time. 6. she's bitter when the meal starts. 7. she complains that "dish X would have been done if someone helped me".
every... fucking... time.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 06:38:00 No.2114553 Report

Quoted By:

My mom can't boil water correctly.

She thinks Hamburger Helper is gourmet.

She does make a mean lasagne, and I still love her to bits. I just cook now.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 06:39:00 No.2114561 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114029
THIS.
Also, she & my stepdad would compliment each other on their awesome skill... which neither possessed.
Love can be hideously blind.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 06:47:00 No.2114590 Report

Quoted By:

my husband is generally decent at cooking, as long as I set some ground rules for him. if left to be 'creative' I end up eating things like tomato sauce with carrot greens (not even chopped) in it. or brown rice, celery & carrots with lots of lime juice. "thanksgiving meatloaf" made from ground turkey, dried cranberries, pecans cinnamon ugh.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 06:57:00 No.2114624 Report

Quoted By:

My mom is a pretty good cook, however she usually makes the same dishes over and over again, and doesn't really try to improve. My dad can do some stuff too, but it's usually simpler stuff, and meats. I try to do some cooking of my own, but it's quite hit or miss. Lastly, my sister likes to try making new things every now and then, and it usually turns out pretty good. The last thing was eggplant parmesan, and I quite enjoyed it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 06:59:00 No.2114629 Report

Quoted By:

My grandmother once tried to make a quiche. She didn't have a regular pie crust so she used a graham cracker crust.

Jonas !!nKJ8vDVQx

Jonas !!nKJ8vDVQx Fri 30 Jul 2010 07:05:00 No.2114647 Report

Quoted By: >>2114669

I'll admit that I'm not the greatest cook. My boyfriend has been teaching me, and I can now prepare a meal on my own. I even made my own (very simple) recipe composed of cream of mushroom soup, mushrooms, chicken, and egg noodles (with maybe a little Worcestershire sauce).

But my dad... Oh man. He is an AWFUL cook.

My best example lives in infamy between my boyfriend and I, as I've regaled him with stories of living at home when I was younger. My dad's pork chops...

He'd put them on a cookie sheet, then take out a bottle of ketchup and cover the chops in ketchup, then throw them in the over until they were dry, tough, and hard. He'd then boil some potatoes and call that dinner.

When my mom was taking night classes when I was little, my dad would have to cook a lot. One night he opened up a family size can of Beef Vegetable soup and used about half of the can, then just threw the can back in the fridge with no top or anything, just exposed to the air. A few days later, he needed to make me something for dinner so he cooked up the soup and fed it to me. I was puking for hours and was miserable with food poisoning.

Now that my mom is dead, hes living the bachelor lifestyle and eats nothing but TV dinners. Sad too, because he lives on a beef farm and the meat he gets is superb. Though now he has a girlfriend who is an awesome, if simple, cook, so she puts that meat to good use.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 07:17:00 No.2114669 Report

Quoted By: >>2114686

>>2114647
What is it when dad's try to cook they screw up?

I threw up because my dad failed at French toast. FRENCH TOAST!

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 07:23:00 No.2114686 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114669
My dad can cook... there are moms who are awful at cooking too
Actually my dad's a great fucking cook, he owns a restaurant and he cooked for nixon once

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 07:27:00 No.2114697 Report

Quoted By: >>2114706 >>2114739 >>2115003

>>2114156
>>2114180

Holyshit, my older brother is exactly the same. He CONSTANTLY pigs out on such ridiculous amounts of junk food. My parents and I keep telling him to stop, but he just chugs down sodas and eats candy like it's nothing. It's not as bad as it was a year or two ago, but it's still a worry for us.

I just seriously get annoyed though when he eats things without asking first- he'll always go through the fridge and get something that might be mine or my sister's and just eats it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 07:29:00 No.2114706 Report

Quoted By: >>2114723 >>2114757

>>2114697
I hate when they scarf down something I would have shared if asked. There are maaaaybe three items I don't share (flavored water, string cheese, ice cream). Everything else you can have some.

But when I come home and find my whole box of off brand goldfish gone, it really pisses me off. Especially when I get my throat torn out if I have a couple chicken nuggets.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 07:31:00 No.2114710 Report

Quoted By: >>2114715 >>2116619

Sister: Can't cook at all. Makes the occasional peanut butter or nutella sandwich. Mostly makes herself frozen dinners

Mom: Can barely cook. Overcooks 90% of what she makes. Rarely cooks. When she does she'll brag about the dish for about 5 minutes even though it's probably shit

Dad: Great cook, tries to learn new dishes, puts a lot of effort into cooking. Has a tenancy to overcook things (he likes it that way though) My sister is extremely picky, as is my mom so he often gets frustrated by their faggotry and doesn't cook

Me: Decent cook, have had a couple epic-level fuck ups. Keep things simple.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 07:32:00 No.2114715 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114710

Also I mean my dad will like overcook a steak by 5 minutes and make it well done.
My mom will overcook a steak by 10 minutes on high heat and have it come out like charcoal

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 07:34:00 No.2114723 Report

Quoted By: >>2114790 >>2114832

>>2114706
Seriously. It's the most annoying thing in the world when you find things you wanted to eat, just disappear because someone ate them. I agree- if they'd ask, I'd share or give it to them, but they just don't ask. Ugh.

To stay on the thread topic though, I have to admit that I'm the horrible cook of my family. I don't cook for anyone though (thankfully), but I do tend to burn things when I'm cooking for myself.. That's why I just stay out of the kitchen in general.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 07:40:00 No.2114739 Report

Quoted By: >>2114777

>>2114697

Is he a fatty that will die soon, though?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 07:45:00 No.2114756 Report

Quoted By:

OK, I'm not related to this girl, and I haven't seen her in years and likely won't, but this story must be told.

For a month she kept saying she would come over and cook me dinner. I told her that it'd be fine and to just let me know when she wanted to. She claimed to be an awesome cook and that everyone loved her food.

So the big day comes. She walks in the door with white bread, cheese, ham, and butter. That's right, a ham and cheese melt. That's what she's going to cook. If that's cooking, Subway is haute cuisine.

Oh well. Maybe she's going to cook this to golden perfection. Maybe the ratio of cheese to ham is going to be in perfect equilibrium.

Nope.

Burns the shit out of it, ham slides off while eating it, it's a fucking mess.

Stupid, stupid whore.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 07:46:00 No.2114757 Report

Quoted By: >>2114777 >>2114832 >>2114846

>>2114706
FUCKING THIS
You know just ask me and I will share my leftover chinese or a bag of chips or some crackers or my apples. I'll msot likely say yes unless I need the apples to make a pie or those leftovers are my planned supper for tonight
Don't just fuckign steal it! My god manners ffs

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 07:52:00 No.2114777 Report

Quoted By: >>2114783 >>2114832

>>2114739
Nah', he's not in that super danger zone, but we just worry a lot because we have diabetes on both sides of our family. I was the unlucky child who was really close to having it before I changed up my diet and started losing weight.

>>2114757
SERIOUSLY. I get so annoyed by it- especially when I bake cookies (somehow, I'm an awful cook but I can bake pretty well) and I SPECIFICALLY tell my siblings that I'm saving them and then.. they eat them. My dad gets in on it too and he'll eat my ice cream, ugh.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1280421651735.jpg, 23KiB, 540x615

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 07:52:00 No.2114778 Report

Quoted By: >>2114782

mom- i cant remember the last time my mom cooked anything. i remember her making pretty good quiches and chili. she also taught me how to make mexican lasagna which is yummy. everyone in my house makes fun of her because we tell her that all she can cook is canned beans.
dad- my dad is a good cook. i got my cooking skills from him. we usually end up cooking together. i make my dad cut up the meats because i hate doing it.
brother- from what i have observed, my brother can make scrambled eggs and cookies that look like cat shit. i hate using the grill so i make him do it. i joke that my brother should have his own cooking show called the 30 second chef where the main dish would be cereal.
me- lately everyone in my house is completely lazy and i practically work in the kitchen. i make a lot of different kinds of stuff. i usually just make dinner with whatever i can find. my favorite things to make a peanut chicken and spring rolls :D

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 270913946_efa38ec3d8.jpg, 49KiB, 444x366

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 07:54:00 No.2114782 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114778
fudge wrong pic
much better

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 07:54:00 No.2114783 Report

Quoted By: >>2114792 >>2114832

>>2114777
I hate when you catch them in the act and they continue to eat your stuff while talking.

Mother fucker, put it right the hell down. And no, you can't finish it, I'm taking my two cookies or whatever and leaving. No, I'm not greedy or selfish, you just ate that whole thing!

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 07:56:00 No.2114789 Report

Quoted By: >>2114796

my bfs parents are some of the worst cooks i know
they like rare practically raw meat
sometimes i dont know what im eating because it doesnt have an flavor
one time they made burgers on the grill
not only were they mushy and raw but i felt like i squirted a bottle of lighter fluid in my mouth
i was sick the rest of the night and had diarrhea and the worst tasting burps of my life

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 07:57:00 No.2114790 Report

Quoted By: >>2114812 >>2114816 >>2114817 >>2114823 >>2114832 >>2115003

>>2114723
My mom will eat things I made without asking. One time I was sick and craving crab rangoon, so I drove my sick ass up to the store, bought the ingredients, cooked up about 50 little wontons filled with delicious crab over a period of probably 1 1/2 hours, and then decided the whole experience had exhausted me and that I'd reap the rewards of my efforts in the morning and went to bed.

Woke up, went downstairs expecting delicious crab puff breakfast... "Oh hi did you make those crab puffs all by yourself? they were delicious! I finished them off for you lol"
"T-that was... like 50 of those things."
"Yeah I was hungry after my workout hahahaha!"
Fuck, can't imagine why you're overweight, mom.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 07:57:00 No.2114792 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114783
FUCKING HELL, SERIOUSLY.

I always tend to wake up really late or eat later than everyone else, so when I go in the kitchen- everything's gone and all the stuff I bought or saved up are gone too. I get so pissed off when I buy cookies or some other snack food that I'm dying to eat and then I only end up getting the scraps or a small margin of what I wanted.

I also remembered, my mom gets on it too. We really like this one brand of mixed nuts and whenever I buy some.. she ends up eating them and CONTINUES to eat them in front of me as if she did nothing wrong.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 07:59:00 No.2114796 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114789

lol'ed at worst tasting burps

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 07:59:00 No.2114802 Report

Quoted By:

OP that picture has been tormenting me so much I had to go make some home made mac and cheese.

God I love that Kraft shit.

I don't buy it because it's horribly unhealthy, but god damn.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:03:00 No.2114812 Report

Quoted By: >>2114821

>>2114790
Holy shit, I would've killed my mom if she did that to me. All that hard work and then she just EATS it all? Shit, you got my sympathy right here. That's just awful.

I did lol though at your remark, man that was great. Hm, let's see.. I do remember an incident perfectly when my dad stole my food and just didn't give a shit. Usually every week, just to have a good and delicious snack to cool off Texas heat, my family buys a good number of paletas (Mexican ice cream for those who may not know). My aunt bought me some since I was really craving them and put them in a brown bag for me.

I didn't even get to eat more than one. My dad and sister ate all my cookies and creme paletas and acted like they didn't do any wrong. I got so fucking pissed off- I get really territorial over my food in this household.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:04:00 No.2114815 Report

Quoted By:

everyone in my family is a decent cook. my mom is pretty awesome, I never realized how lucky I was until I was older. My dad's cooking skills are limited, but he only makes things he knows he can do well, so it works out.

My one roomate though... man, that guy messed up making coffee. He literally did not know that regular coffee grounds were not the same thing as instant coffee.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:04:00 No.2114816 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114790
little hungry after workout and ate 50 of them
well fuck that just set you back about a mile and a half

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:05:00 No.2114817 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114790
wow. I would've murdered her ass if she did that to me. i don't care that you gave life to me, I worked hard bitch.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:06:00 No.2114821 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114812
In her (sparse) defense, she did think I'd already eaten some/made a LOT more than was in the bag, but fuck, if she'd just asked me first... And FIFTY wontons? Jesus christ.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:08:00 No.2114823 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114790
D:

Poetry downswing !!lh2+0hXHA

Poetry downswing !!lh2+0hXHA Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:11:00 No.2114825 Report

Quoted By:

My mom is a decent cook. She's a realtor, and she's super super busy like, all the time, so she usually gets fast food or boxed dinners or we have "fend for yourself" days. On the off occasion she takes the time to cook, it is almost always a beef dish. Soft tacos consisting of a grease-soaked corn tortilla and overcooked grey beef, or spaghetti with pre-made Ragu and like a pound of overcooked beef, or decent burgers, or awful meatloaf.

My uncle, every year, buys an entire beef on his way over from Texas for Thanksgiving. He keeps half, the other half is split between us and my grandparents. They get some ground beef, mostly the roast, skirt-steaks, and shit like that. We get most of the ground beef, and the decent steaks my uncle didn't keep.

So, we have a fuckload of ground beef, which my mom uses because it's plentiful, easy to cook, hard to ROYALLY fuck up, and fast. I fucking hate it because it's bland, overcooked, and we have it all the fucking time.

I have to buy my own ingredients, which is fine, because she thinks that when we go shopping once every 3 weeks, a single package of chicken breasts will be just fine, when we use it in one meal. She won't let me keep fresh garlic in the house, because it 'stinks'. So, I just kinda cook for myself, until I move out after college.

My dad only ever makes hot links and steak, and my brother's recipe book is "ramen" and "fish sticks".

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:15:00 No.2114832 Report

Quoted By: >>2114841 >>2114846 >>2114863

>>2114790
>>2114783
>>2114777
>>2114757
>>2114723
This is stuff that you've expressly told people not to eat/you've put your name on, right?

I remember having a complex as a kid (and I still sort of do) because my older sister had a baby and the state gave her money for milk, formula, etc., which she would put in the communal fridge. There were a shitload of times where I would accidentally eat something that was "for the baby" (mind you, nobody told me which foods these were) and then get chewed the fuck out, to the point where I stopped eating anything that wasn't given to me specifically, even once my sister moved out and it was just me and my parents again. After she left, I had a tic where I'd automatically seek out my mom (to the point where I'd even call her on my cell phone if she wasn't home) every time I went to eat something just to make sure I was actually allowed to eat it, which pissed her off. It took me a long ass time to start feeling comfortable with eating things from the family fridge without having to ask just for peace of mind.

Femanon

Femanon Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:16:00 No.2114837 Report

Quoted By:

Fortunately, I don't, as far as I know. Probably not going to count my 12 year old brother. He barely eats anything, and his diet consists of brown, tan, white, yellow, gold, etc etc foods. Ie, mac and cheese, hot dogs, grilled cheese, chicken fingers, etc.

Mom's a mean-ass cook. When she does cook, my god is it spectacular.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:18:00 No.2114840 Report

Quoted By:

My sister is fucking hopeless, she thinks that broccoli and tomato goes in everything. Its terrible when you are eating a nice cream of chicken soup and you glance at your sisters and see green and red chunks bobbing up and down.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:18:00 No.2114841 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114832
I hate having people like that living at my house, I can't do shit or feel comfortable.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:21:00 No.2114844 Report

Quoted By: >>2115274

I have the ambition to cook shit but sometimes I will fail. Most of the time a can make high-tier dishes after a few practice runs.

For example, last night I steamed and sauted some green beans in olive oil and garlic. They were sour, I wtf'd. This afternoon I tried it again but used butter instead, they were good.

Turns out my mom soaked cilantro or someshit in the $40 bottle of olive oil. I wtf'd again.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:22:00 No.2114845 Report

Quoted By:

Oh, my boyfriend is a terrible cook.

Once he told me he was having pasta, but there was only spam, onions and egg in his house. I told him to then make a creamy egg sauce in the line of hollondaise and make the spaghetti with spam...

Then I go over to his place the next day to find bloated pasta shells with a quartered can of spam sitting on top. Oh, and quartered onions too. He told me he couldn't make a creamy sauce because he had no cream.

myface.jpeg

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:22:00 No.2114846 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114832
yes, >>2114757 (I'm this fag) I tell them that its mine/I'm putting it here ask if you want some.

Then there are somethings which should be common fucking sense. Don't eat 50 wontons in one go, if there are cookies on a cooling rack/container and you know your roomie is a cook don't take all of them, maybe just one or two.
Some of these things is down right thievery, everytime I heard the fridge open I would look to see who was getting what and make sure they weren't taking mine I was that paranoid at one point.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:22:00 No.2114849 Report

Quoted By:

my mother cannot cook meat of any kind, she broils everything into jerky, and nobody in my family knows how to make mashed potatos properly.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:28:00 No.2114861 Report

Quoted By:

my family has no concept of saving things for later D:< resorted to keeping the sweets in a mini fridge in my room, i have no problem with sharing the sweet things i buy it's just if i leave it out in the kitchen it will vaporize within a few seconds regardless of who it belongs to.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:29:00 No.2114863 Report

Quoted By: >>2114896

>>2114832
Yeah, I've told them openly not to eat them or have made it very clear, "YO, THIS IS MY FOOD MAN. MINE." and yet they fail to even listen. God, I get so annoyed.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:29:00 No.2114865 Report

Quoted By: >>2114881

50 crab puffs girl again. At the very least, my mother can cook her own food so she's not moochin' too bad. Her talents only extend to typical American-Southern foods though... fried catfish, blackened any-fish, roast beef, pork roast, grilled chicken/hotdogs/burgers, decent turkey... anything outside of there is hit or miss. Any time she does anything Asian, for example, it's a huge, steaming load of shit that she'll insist is delicious and eat in it's entirety. She makes "Mexican" where evvvverything has sour cream and beef. Her experience in European food is nonexistant.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:34:00 No.2114881 Report

Quoted By: >>2114884

>>2114865
Oh God, I usually don't get offended but.. the fact that she drenches everything in sour cream and beef for "Mexican" food.. I lol'd so badly. Man, that's just.. I don't even.

.. I keep laughing though because I come from a large Hispanic family and none of us put sour cream in our food.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:35:00 No.2114884 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114881
we sometimes do, but we rarely use it.

Woman In Da Kitchen

Woman In Da Kitchen Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:36:00 No.2114886 Report

Quoted By: >>2114902

hmmm, let's see:
my mom: a decent cook, everything she makes is SUPER bland b/c my brother and dad hate anything that isn't bbq sauce or butter. she does tend to make the same things night after night, at least when i come to visit. i like to help her in the kitchen when i come by cuz i get to fuck w/ her spices and make shit taste good, then when dad/brother compliments it, i just smile, they freak out cuz i won't tell them what i put in it, yet they love it
my dad use to be pretty good. it's hard to remember, he had gastric bypass when i was like 8 or 9 and hasn't really cooked since. i do remember that he use to make this AWESOME mac'n'cheese on the rare occasion my mom was out of town on business. now he lives off of tv dinners and whatever doesn't make him horribly horribly sick (botched surgery ftl)
my brother: dear god, save that poor kid. actually, i kinda havta give him credit, he does eat a lot of fast food, but he's recently gotten to the realization that he needs to eat healthier, eats a lot of chicken from what i hear.....
myself: i'd say i'm pretty good. i do tend to make the same things over and over, but i try to tweek it a bit every time to try and make it a bit different. i took a cooking class senior year of high school and learned a few techniques/recipes. i love to try new things and experiment. slowly teaching my hubby how to cook, it's nice when he goes out of his way to make dinner, the first few attempts weren't great, but now he's pretty good.
my current roomies: i haven't seen them touch a pot or pan since they moved in 6 months ago, everything they eat is either something i made or something frozen.... *ugh* don't get me started on the other shit they do......

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:45:00 No.2114896 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114863
I got to the point where I simply don't eat at home. If I do eat, it's a sandwich made from our community food. (In our house, bread, peanut butter, butter, eggs, spices, and frozen chicken is fair game. Anyone can have any.) Of course, I quit cooking for anyone because I'll be damned if I cook food for people who act like I asked for the crown jewels if I said please don't eat my Oreo cookies.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:47:00 No.2114902 Report

Quoted By: >>2114903 >>2114911

>>2114886
you're married and you have roommates?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:48:00 No.2114903 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114902
I didn't post that, but around where I'm from, it happens a lot.

Got married, didn't make enough to buy your own house, still have roommates.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:49:00 No.2114904 Report

Quoted By: >>2114909 >>2115003

>>2114156
FUCK, ARE YOU ME?

I can't stand my brother because of shit like this. "Oh I thought two were mine." FUCK.

Once my mom sent him to the neighbors to return a jar of chili flakes we'd borrowed. He fucking walked outside, stood in the driveway, and walked back into the house with the jar IN HIS HAND, "Oh I forgot what I was there for."

FUCK.

Sometimes I feel bad for hating my brother.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:53:00 No.2114909 Report

Quoted By: >>2114931

>>2114904
I have taken to saying; "Why yes, you are so special that I thought I'd bring you two so that someone else might watch you eat and bask in your glory, you jerk."

Woman In Da Kitchen

Woman In Da Kitchen Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:54:00 No.2114911 Report

Quoted By: >>2114913

>>2114902
well, we're engaged, have been for a LOOOONG time, can't afford a wedding right now (i'm about a year away from being done w/ school and starting my career) and we can't afford to live in something that isn't tiny as shit w/out roomies
-on another note about the roomies: i ask them how they want their steak done, they both say "medium" so i cook it to medium, they cut into it, gag at the sight of pink meat and throw it back on the stove until it's practically gray all the way through....

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 08:58:00 No.2114913 Report

Quoted By: >>2114922

>>2114911
I know a couple like this, except they finally got married last month. Roommate won't take the hint and get the hell out. :/

For content, my grandmother makes the worst stuffing in the world. The shit comes out BLACK. I don't know how. The dog won't even eat it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 09:00:00 No.2114918 Report

Quoted By:

I am very good at cooking everything but french toast.

Woman In Da Kitchen

Woman In Da Kitchen Fri 30 Jul 2010 09:03:00 No.2114922 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114913
we know a couple who got married last year, who live w/ another married couple.... i guess things work out pretty well for all of them, but i think they have all been friends for like 5+ years

as for the "eating the last of anything" the first rule i set down w/ guests/roomies is "don't open anything that isn't yours, and don't eat the last of anything w/out asking first" rule

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 09:07:00 No.2114928 Report

Quoted By: >>2114947

This is what my 19 year old sister makes for 'dinner' every night. She microwaves a bowl of chocolate chips and then dips graham crackers in it. She also *loves* totino's pizza rolls. She's bulemic so it all ends up down the toilet anyway.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 09:08:00 No.2114931 Report

Quoted By: >>2115003

>>2114909
My brother does not understand sarcasm at all.

I think he has aspergers. He's got nearly all the symptoms, only he does somehow manage to get friends because we live in a Bumfuck AL and his obsessive hobby is WWII.

If I raised the subject though with my parents they'd go batshit on me, so I'm just going to have to deal with his cockripping stupidity

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO toilet-shit.jpg, 7KiB, 320x240

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 09:17:00 No.2114947 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114928

>implying my food doesn't end up in the toilet anyway

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 09:26:00 No.2114959 Report

Quoted By: >>2114963 >>2114977

My dad is a pretty decent cook, but one time he DID burn the salad.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO tailswha.jpg, 17KiB, 241x249

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 09:30:00 No.2114963 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114959

What?

How do you even... WHAT...???

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 09:35:00 No.2114977 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114959

Oh, no you don't - get back here! You don't drop a comment like that and walk out!

It's story time, bitch!

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO gordonramsay.jpg, 12KiB, 314x314

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 09:47:00 No.2115003 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114061
>>2114105
>>2114156
>>2114180
>>2114191
>>2114697
>>2114790
>>2114904
>>2114931

Violence would ensue if I were forced to live with people like this.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 09:58:00 No.2115034 Report

Quoted By: >>2115052

My dad is a fucking great cook, makes chili that is to die for, can cook a steak at home that will killshit 99% of restaurants, excellent yakisoba, makes his own salsa both for chips and tacos, you name it. And, he can do it all with -speed-. Mom, however, when confronted with any food that isn't American -and- as redneck as possible, says, and I quote, "that doesn't look good" and won't go near it. Accordingly, she can't cook for shit, doesn't know what salt and pepper are for, much less the rest of the spice rack, and being pretty OCD tends to spend more time cleaning than cooking when you get her in the kitchen anyway, which we try desperately not to do. She is, for this reason, skinny as a rail because she won't eat anything dad or I cook, and is usually not inclined to cook for herself. Honey Nut Cheerios: it's what's for dinner.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 10:02:00 No.2115052 Report

Quoted By:

>>2115034

fuck her

let the bitch starve

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 10:03:00 No.2115058 Report

Quoted By:

Look man.

Nobody ever post OP's pic on /ck/ again.

That looks so fucking amazing. Jesus Christ I can't get the thought out of my mind that I must consume Kraft Mac and Cheese.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 10:08:00 No.2115079 Report

Quoted By:

ARCHIVE THIS SHIT

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 10:13:00 No.2115093 Report

Quoted By:

My brother is the only one in their house who can cook. My dad, his wife, her daughter, and her daughter's husband.. they are all fat and eat frozen or canned food. My dad likes to buy shit bologna, plastic cheese, and white bread at the beginning of a week and eat it for lunch every day. Apparently most of their dinners consist of pasta and random slabs of meat thrown in a crock pot with BBQ sauce and cooked all day.

My mother in law is the worst example of all. When she lived with us, she ate the worst food, we called it the 'white diet'; always little cheap frozen pasta dinners or pasta-roni type shit. She didn't eat anything green, it made her sick and tasted like dirt. She doused everything in garlic, salt, black and cayenne pepper, until you couldn't taste anything else. She left her shit to boil on the stove or in the microwave while she went outside to give herself cancer. Spilled it all over the place and never cleaned it up, just let it burn in or harden, and never cleaned her own dishes. She wouldn't tell me she didn't like my food, she would just throw it away when I wasn't looking. At holidays, she only ever ate the rolls. She drank an entire 2 liter of Pepsi every day, and is one of those people who will eat all of some random item (plain tortillas? wtf) and not tell you it's gone.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 10:15:00 No.2115104 Report

Quoted By: >>2115130

When cooking for myself, I have absolutely no problem making a ton of weird shit, always experimenting and making it spicy as all hell. It usually tastes great.

Just don't ask me to cook for others. Even though my dishes are well liked, I'm always in constant fear of them turning out badly. Then sometimes I cook for five or six people, and end up serving only one. Or I end up cooking for a couple of the pickiest eaters I've ever met, and I hate to take out most of it to appease them.
I'm tired of cooking for family and friends. I'll still bake stuff for them, though.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 10:26:00 No.2115123 Report

Quoted By: >>2116069

My mom grew up with food made from 'Commodities' from the state when she was a kid. My grandma's an okay cook- she mostly makes 'hot dishes' which are noodle/sauce/meat/veggie dishes thrown together in one thing and eaten. They can be pretty decent. My mom made like.... we never had a lot of money but she made the BEST split pea soup and chili... our chili of course was not the 'pure meat' stuff people might think of but the ..... 'cornless goulash' kind of stuff. S'great.... it's sad it's only been a year and I don't remember how she even made it... it's best with a homemade jar of canned tomatoes though. (She used to get them from her ex-boyfriend and can them herself.) We'd eat creations like ham/macaroni/peas but she could also get really creative and make something new and delicious we loved forever. This one time I remember we had this pouch of broccoli soup stuff. Which was alright by itself, but not much flavour. She adds fresh broccoli, sour cream, a bit of cheese, some other things, just expirimenting. next thing I know I'm eating this wonderfully flavourful soup and it's just.. ugh. Love.

I used to be the one who ate things out of the fridge, always felt bad for it. There were 4 of us before mom and step-ass got divorced, but step-ass and I'd always get the extra pork chops or the second helpings. I had a huge growth spurt between ages 11-12 though that had me lying awake at night with hunger, used to take hotdogs out of the fridge and scarf them. Ugh.

Anyways my mom was a good cook, knew how to make all the cheap yet tasty yet probably not good for you stuff poor people eat, but was always liking to experiment with new tastes and stuff. I'm the same way, except I've moved away from the really bad foods and processed things. I like cooking for myself and different tastes- though I can never make an omelette come out right, like she could. They're still good though, just a bit brown on one side.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 10:28:00 No.2115125 Report

Quoted By:

>>2113973
I thought my mom was the only one that did that.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 10:30:00 No.2115130 Report

Quoted By: >>2115134 >>2115151 >>2115158

>>2115104

>hate to take stuff out to appease them

Man, the way I fucking grew up, you didn't fucking like it, you didn't eat. Otherwise you sat your stupid ass down and fucking ate your food. Even today the thought, smell, look of creamed corn makes me want to vomit all over the place. I get stomach cramps thinking of it. But I had to eat it several times as a kid because my step-dad loved the shit. I'm sure well-made creamed corn is delicious but I'd still be hesitant to try it after all these years.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 10:31:00 No.2115134 Report

Quoted By:

>>2115130

Several times a week I mean. Oh god I hate creamed corn so badly.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 10:33:00 No.2115142 Report

Quoted By: >>2115150 >>2115180 >>2115218 >>2116645

On the subject of family stealing food. We don't have a krispy kreme up here in AK, and sometimes kids come around selling boxes of donuts for fundraisers. I buy 2 dozen from the kid, one to share at home and one to share at work. I ask mom/dad/sister if they want any - not right now they say. I leave them on the counter and plan to have some for breakfast the next day. Wake up - holy shit they're all gone. The boxes are in the trash. Go to take a shower all pissed off, what's this? little chunks of donut floating in the toilet. My fucking bitch sister had snuck down in the middle of the night, ate 24 krispy kreme donuts, then threw them up into the toilet. HNNNGGGGG

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 10:36:00 No.2115150 Report

Quoted By: >>2115272

>>2115142

I seriously, literally, actually would have punched her in the face for that. Then made her give me money because she'd owe me for the goddamned donuts.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 10:37:00 No.2115151 Report

Quoted By:

>>2115130
I wish that was how I'd been raised. My mom was a good cook, creative, but everyone has their failures. Our house rule was you eat what's on your plate. Period. No going to bed hungry; how many times I would have chosen this instead. She also only ever served us powdered skim milk to drink. I have less-than-fond memories of sitting at the table hours after dinner had ended, staring at my milk going sour and some foul creation on my plate, hoping they would get bored so I could hide it away somewhere and pretend I'd eaten it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 10:39:00 No.2115155 Report

Quoted By: >>2116652 >>2116707

My father thought it'd be interesting to add apricot slices to Couscous. Fucking gross.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 10:40:00 No.2115158 Report

Quoted By:

>>2115130
I know I'm too nice to one friend in particular, him being by best friend. But god damn; you hate lettuce, mushrooms, olives, I think onion as well, won't eat half the vegetables I have on a regular basis, sushi, and a ton of other shit I don't want to go into detail over.
But come on, you don't even like chinese. You loathe the buffet, and won't even try the authentic shit. I mean, what the hell.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 10:50:00 No.2115180 Report

Quoted By:

>>2115142
what...the...fuck

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 11:04:00 No.2115211 Report

Quoted By:

I will actually admit that I'm the terrible cook in the family. It's one part lazy, one part lack of confidence. I keep thinking that if I spend money on ingredients, I'm going to fuck it up and waste it all.

So, it's eggs, hamburgers, hot dogs, and grilled cheeses for me. Feels Bad Man.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 11:05:00 No.2115215 Report

Quoted By:

Lets see

Mom - She can cook a mean Baked Ziti..and that's really about it. She bakes her steak till it's all grey and overcooks chicken cosistently. It's OK tough since she was the breadwinner of the family.
Dad - He can cook really fucking good on the BBQ and makes orgasmic potato salad. If he wasn't so fucking lazy he would be an amazing home cook.
Brother - 14, can ony reheat shit and make ramen
Sister - 27, She is god tier at baking. She makes these little carrot cake cupcakes that are baller and has taken the place as the baker at family functions.
Me - I need some work definatley but that comes with time. Like I tried to make stuffed mushrooms and it failed horribly. Not even my dog ate it. I do love cooking though.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 11:08:00 No.2115218 Report

Quoted By: >>2115251 >>2115272

>>2115142

I would have stepped out of the shower, gone into her room, and SHOT HER.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 11:24:00 No.2115246 Report

Quoted By:

>thanksgiving meatloaf" made from ground turkey, dried cranberries, pecans cinnamon ugh.

I was ok with this until the cinnamon

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 11:26:00 No.2115251 Report

Quoted By: >>2115272

>>2115218

I would have done this to her, only I'm not a little Asian guy so the damage would have been much more severe.

I mean, a bulemic deserves to be beaten. Let alone a fucking bulemic thief that just stole 2 dozen donuts only to puke them up.

Thing

Thing Fri 30 Jul 2010 11:31:00 No.2115259 Report

Quoted By:

My sister is terrible with food, but often tells people that she's pretty handy in the kitchen.

A simple example:

I was visiting her and made some BBQ sauce since she said she wanted to go to the beach and grill some chicken and she had thought about just getting some bottle corn syrup flavored stuff. (I didn't want to shove her out of the way and do things the way I wanted, but thought it'd be nice to contribute something being a guest so I prepared some side items and the sauce)

When it came time to set the grill, she took a bag of charcoal and dumped it all into a small portable grill, set fire to it and let it ready with the charcoal so high up inside that it was touching the grill. When she went about setting the chicken (which she slathered my sauce on to "marinate" it) on the grill she decided to cover it so the "heat wouldn't escape", and went on a walk for a bit. After 10-15 minutes she came back and retrieved the charred remains of the chicken that were mostly covered in black crust.

She also had taken the side items I made and shoved them into plastic containers and placed them in a side bag. So when someone wanted a single condiment they had to go into the bag, search every container until they found it, then she'd set everything back inside. So if you wanted some dip for some chips you had this routine go on for about 2-3 minutes nearly every 4 minutes.

It was a long day.

floozy

floozy Fri 30 Jul 2010 11:32:00 No.2115265 Report

Quoted By:

Mom: Decent cook. She can make a mean Shepard's pie. But when she cooks meat and poultry, it almost always comes out rubbery and dry. I love her to death, though.

Dad: A great cook while still being the breadwinner. He's a bit full of himself, but most of his dishes are good.

And I'm still a babby cook. I can fix myself something other than ramen that tastes good.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 11:33:00 No.2115272 Report

Quoted By: >>2115297 >>2115333 >>2115337

>>2115251
>>2115218
>>2115150

No, you see, I knew I couldn't bring it up. Not to her, not to my mom or dad. Because any time I made even the slightest complaint about my sister's food stealing/hoarding, or any complaint about nasty food chunks in the toilet, there was hell to pay. I was being "selfish, heartless, how can you say these things about your sister? Don't you love her? She has a disease! You wouldn't do this if she had cancer! there is no difference!" They bought her a $22k new truck while I got a pos hand me down car. They bought her a $17k horse. They spent untold thousands on some sort of month long eating disorder clinic, but when she came back she continued to binge and purge.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 11:34:00 No.2115274 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114844

Failure is sauteing green beans in $40 olive oil.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 11:37:00 No.2115282 Report

Quoted By: >>2115290

My aunt think she is the best cook in the world because she owns a food processor. "Oh, it's faster this way" sure, a food processor is nice when you're making an egg salad to feed 20+ people, however, she fucking puréed the shit out of everything.
And she doesn't listen or consider anyone else's diet. One Thanksgiving, I thought I'd be nice and make a couple dishes for them (mashed potatos, green beans...) I turn my back for one minute to get something... "What are these little brown bits in my potatoes?" "Oh, I added bacon to make it taste good. I added some to the green beans, too."
After all my years watching Food Network and the Holiday specials, I learned to NEVER stuff a turkey unless you know what your doing. Long story short, salmonella.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 11:40:00 No.2115290 Report

Quoted By:

>>2115282
Forgot to mention the side dishes where for the few vegetarians in my family.

Thing

Thing Fri 30 Jul 2010 11:43:00 No.2115297 Report

Quoted By: >>2115305 >>2115328

>>2115272
>They spent untold thousands on some sort of month long eating disorder clinic, but when she came back she continued to binge and purge.

She was/is bulimic and you complain about your parents being upset about it and wanted to do more for her?

Really it's an awful condition for someone to be in often being rooted in some really awful home dynamics.

I've seen many group therapy sessions with the usual middle-class family mothers that were filled with women having starved themselves usually due to incest in the family, but basically always due to some really awful issues with the relationship with parents and siblings.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 11:46:00 No.2115305 Report

Quoted By: >>2115338 >>2115341

>>2115297
Bulemia is not a real disease. It's girls who want to be skinny but don't have the self control to become anorexic. There are no skeletons in my sister's closet, she's just a spoiled bitch.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 11:54:00 No.2115328 Report

Quoted By:

>>2115297

Tired of hearing women bitch about incest and blaming it for all of their fucking problems in life.

My mother played that card her whole fucking life. I haven't spoken to her in 6 years because she's an unstable psycho bitch and I don't give a fuck what her fucking excuses are.

At some point you have to get over the fucking past and take some fucking personal responsibility. But that's what women NEVER want to do, take responsibility for their own fucking actions.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 11:56:00 No.2115333 Report

Quoted By:

>>2115272

She's an attention whore and it worked. Your parents are only reinforcing her behavior by giving her rewards.

Typical.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 11:57:00 No.2115337 Report

Quoted By:

>>2115272

>>"selfish, heartless, how can you say these things about your sister?
Excuse me if I'm the only one seeing the situation for what it is.

>>Don't you love her? She has a disease! You wouldn't do this if she had cancer!
Disease my hairy white ass - bulimics have a measure of control over themselves; most of them just don't use it. Don't let them guilt you.

>>there is no difference!"
Bullshit. Just... bullshit. Cancer patients and spoiled bitches who binge and purge aren't apples and oranges, they're apples and bricks. They couldn't be more different.

>>They bought her a $22k new truck while I got a pos hand me down car. They bought her a $17k horse. They spent untold thousands on some sort of month long eating disorder clinic, but when she came back she continued to binge and purge.

Fuck that shit. She probably keeps doing it because she knows she'll get whatever she wants as long as she does. She gets to be the poor little victim, and your parents are too cowardly to put their foot down.

From now on, if you're going to buy donuts or something, hide them in your room - if you can, get a minifridge, and lock your door when you leave.

Keep being the voice of reason in your family; hopefully someday your parents will pull their heads out of their asses and knuckle down on the bitch.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 11:57:00 No.2115338 Report

Quoted By:

>>2115305
I feel for you bro, your sister sounds like a cunt.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 11:58:00 No.2115341 Report

Quoted By:

>>2115305
trufax.

I barely consider it a disorder. It how spoiled girls with no self-control pretend they can be skinny.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 12:01:00 No.2115351 Report

Quoted By:

My mom cannot cook after 25 years of doing dinner 4 times a week.

First of all she likes everything pan fried to hell.

Second she can somehow cook a whole meal and still spend most of the time laying on the couch.

She's somewhat like a monkey that has learned how to cook a few dozen different things, but she doesn't understand any thing about cooking.

Part of it is probably she has no taste from smoking cigarettes and weed like its cigarettes from the time she was 12. Lots of coke at some point after that(most of the 40,000 grand my parents got from selling their first house went to that)

She will also cook out of spite.

I once got super pissed and ended up q-ing some porkchops super slow(like 4 hours) and they were awesome-my dad agreed. She threw a fit about how she didn't like it and made my dad go get steak and shake.

My dad is a decent cook but he gets butthurt if you don't talk about how awesome is food is to him for an hour after the meal. He mostly only cooks for himself and his buddies at work because they are all 40 year old bachelors or married to grungy hags that can only microwave and his decent cooking is the best thing they ever had.

I don't cook much but I am pretty good when I do. I can reverse sear on the grill and I can make a decent sauce or two in a wok.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 12:05:00 No.2115363 Report

Quoted By:

My mom is either hit or miss when cooking. She can make some good stuff like potato salad, but a lot of the stuff she makes is awful. She burns things all the time. She insists on scraping up the burnt parts, so you can't even take a bite without biting into nasty burnt shit.
The absolute worst thing she makes is soupy mac. It's ground beef, macaroni, and tomato sauce as a soup. She has no idea how to cook pasta, so the noodles are just way overcooked glue. The only times i've vomited in my life is after eating her "soupy mac." I won't go near that shit anymore

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 12:09:00 No.2115367 Report

Quoted By: >>2115391

I have no siblings and nobody besides my mom cooks in our house. She's a full-time housewife and spend half of the day preparing food. My dad is fucking picky and always need perfect course meals. So she's really, really, really good at cooking.

Too bad I already left home and is living with a roommate now. She's a terrible cook. She really like to make greasy cream sauce pasta and every greasy thing since she believes throwing all of butter we have in the house into the pan will make everything better. Oh, and don't forget to top everything with huge amount of shitty cheese.

I really hate her pasta... but I can only say 'It's perfect!' since she's a busy person and it's like she spend her precious time cooking for me. Good thing she doesn't do it often... She only cook in special occasion like somebody's birthday

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 12:25:00 No.2115391 Report

Quoted By: >>2115400

>>2115367
you sound like a real douche sack

language sauced

language sauced Fri 30 Jul 2010 12:31:00 No.2115399 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114543
>My dad is a good cook, but that's only because he researches the fuck out of a dish before making it.

Is that something beyond reading the recipe beforehand and maybe looking up unknown ingredients/terminology, if any?
Maybe he runs down to the library to find detailed treatises on how the 1964 world cookery chapionship winner made his famous red wine sauce.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 12:31:00 No.2115400 Report

Quoted By:

>>2115391

How so?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 12:43:00 No.2115411 Report

Quoted By:

My grandma is the fucking worst. She's too old to cook (which strangely enough has been pretty much my entire life), unless its her "famous" dishes, which has to be a crock of shit. Here's her dishes:
>bread pudding that is more like yeast flavored soup (served cold with now butter-rum sauce and no raisins or anything)
>Deviled Eggs
(which just smell like pure hell all day every time she makes them. I stayed at her house once and I seriously threw up in my sleep from the smell)
>Pasta salad
(aka Dental Nightmare. Imagine eating black garlic rocks and latex flaps)
and finally
>Chicken and noodles
Egg Noodles. Chicken (from a can most of the time, but other times fresh breasts BAKED to make sure no flavor is left). And a pot of boiling water. That's it. No seasoning, no vegetables, nothing. It's disgusting. All you can taste is the metal from the pot. And most of the time, the noodles get over done, so they tear up into bits and so you don't even taste them. Just metal water.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 13:01:00 No.2115431 Report

Quoted By:

Here's how my family is:

My mom isn't the best cook but she can do all the old "mom" staples rather well, she's just not the kind to do really good quality cooking.

My grandma can do the really good quality cooking, the thing is is that she's too worried to try to make the food a "health" food to let it taste good.

I can do simple things and follow a recipe well. I can do meats okay, I just have no ingenuity for putting stuff together.

Recently, my mom started dating/living with this guy and his cooking is the absolute worst. He likes to cook pork (AND ONLY PORK) in a cast iron pan on the lowest setting and lets it sit for hours. He doesn't even season the motherfucker and it ends up tough, almost jellified and tasteless. It's actually kind of gross. He also has a talent for ruining our pans buy burning stuff on them, not cleaning and using metal on teflon.

Fri 30 Jul 2010 13:02:00 No.2115432 Report

Quoted By:

itt : picky faggots

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 13:05:00 No.2115435 Report

Quoted By:

Surprising, no one in my family is really a bad cook.
My mom doesn't really like cooking, but the only times she makes a bad meal is when she doesn't feel like cooking and doesn't put in any effort. And its still perfectly edible, just lacking flavour.

My dad works about a 60+ week every damn week, so he doesn't cook much. On his own food he experiments and comes up with some fucked up creations but when hes cooking for others, its almost always good, but interesting. One time he made open faced steak and gravy sandwiches.
Awesome.

My sister doesn't cook much I don't think, she didn't before she moved out. But when she does, its always pretty good. Shes a perfectionist in everything she does, including cooking.

Myself...Well I might be the worst, but I'm still pretty good. Mainly due to lack of experience. I don't cook alot, and when I do its often experimenting with spices and other things. Made a chalupa-like thing the other day and a stir fry the next, with no recipes or great ideas. The chalupa was awesome, the stir fry was decent, shouldn't have added the noodles.

So I guess my family is pretty talented.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 13:20:00 No.2115445 Report

Quoted By:

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Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 13:32:00 No.2115451 Report

Quoted By: >>2115453

My mum is an ok cook, very normal dishes though - doesn't exapnd on her potential horizons much, though when she does it usually sucks, so maybe that's why. Usually casseroles or meat and veg.
Never actually seen my dad cook, he complains when my mother asks him to look after the meat cooking on the barbeque.
Little bro is 12 and thinks he'll be a great chef one day. Inventions include = giant mushrooms with bacon and cheese on top, sounded ok until I bit into them, soggy as fuck. Garlic steak - wanged a heap of garlic butter on top of a steak and then froze it and then cooked it. I don't even. He's only 12 so he has heaps of time to improve, but considering that usually the kid throws a tantrum if i won't make him a sandwich when he's hungry (if he hears a cupboard open or a bread bag crumpling around lunchtime he's in the kitchen quick as fuck to ask you to make him one too)

I like to think i'm an alright cook, I threw together curry puffs out of nothing the other day and they were great, but took a lot of work and experimenting to get right. Brother ate 14 out of twenty. Parents ate the rest, I had one. Sob.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 13:33:00 No.2115453 Report

Quoted By:

>>2115451
I have a friend who is the worst cook I have ever met though. Instead of starting with simple recipes and working her way up, she started with difficult ones and continues to fuck them up. She made like, raspberry scones once that were rock solid and tasted like nothing but flour with storebought jam in the middle. She also once rang me to tell me her cake was ruined because she used sticky tape to hold the baking paper together. And it melted. Into the cake. She couldn't understand what had gone wrong. She also made snickerdoodles once, they tasted like a someone had rolled dough in a shitton of cinnamon and then barely cooked it before jamming it in my mouth. IDK what snickerdoodles are supposed to taste like because I'm from Australia and they're not really common here, but dayum, that shit was disgusting. I ate one and turned them down the next 7 times she offered.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 13:55:00 No.2115471 Report

Quoted By: >>2116816

My Mum is anorexic, and the concept of cooking food seems to really confuse her. She's an awful cook, and can only make meals after supervised practice, she has about 10 mastered meals under her belt right now. The annoying thing is she's been on a low-carb diet for years, so forgets to buy fruit and vegetables (she doesn't like them) when she goes food shopping every 3 weeks or so. She tries recipe books occasionally but fucks up stuff really badly by not reading properly (she once boiled cous cous for an hour, served us wallpaper paste), tries some disgusting substitute for carbs and has no concept of food hygiene. I got food poisoning all the time as a kid from reheated meat, and had to eat green bread for my sandwiches "it's totally fine, bread mould is just penicillin!". I learned to cook out of self-defence, but she won't eat most of my cooking as she has all this OCD about a lot of ingredients.

She's also hilarious when it comes to mexican food, which she discovered last year:
"Hey I really like these 'nakkoh' things"
"....you mean nachos?"
"Yeah them!"

Jalapenos = jalla-pennoes
Tortilla = Tor-tiller
Fajitas = Fag-jitters

My boyfriend is terrible also. He thinks that too many ingredients ruin a dish because "all the flavours will mix, how will you taste what's in it!?" And he is afraid of vinegar, and salad. The guy only eats sausage rolls, drives me fucking insane. He had a massive rant at me how I can't cook because bolognese sauce "should just be cooked beef with a can of tomatoes in"

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 13:59:00 No.2115473 Report

Quoted By:

Since the majority of these tl;dr posts are obviously written by women.

I have a few words of advice for you.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 14:05:00 No.2115479 Report

Quoted By:

I love me some fag-jitters.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 15:07:00 No.2115527 Report

Quoted By:

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Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 16:00:00 No.2115563 Report

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Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 16:08:00 No.2115578 Report

Quoted By:

I started off as a god damn HORRID cook. The best example of my failure was when I turned sugar and water into a burnt honeycomb like substance.

I don't even know HOW that happened.

But apart from that, I'm getting better. Granted, sometimes my chicken breasts do get a little burned (usually as a result of too little oil, too high heat), but lately I've been doing much better.

Woman In Da Kitchen

Woman In Da Kitchen Fri 30 Jul 2010 22:27:00 No.2116069 Report

Quoted By:

>>2115123
my mother-in-law is like your mom. she makes the most delicious things out of practically nothing.....i wish i had her skills

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Jul 2010 22:33:00 No.2116080 Report

Quoted By:

My cousin is not a bad cook, she actually makes awesome food at times. When the husband is home which is usally, he tells her to make vegan gluten free egg white crap. I don't know what he told her to do with beans, but they tasted like garbage. I usally eat before I go there or just tolertate what i can. My parents bring their own food if they're invited for dinner.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 01:30:00 No.2116453 Report

Quoted By:

My dad is a pretty good cook, he always likes to try new things. Stepcunt however, sticks to the same menu unless shes gone for the day and my dad runs wild making awesome.
She loves making pasta all the damn time, and I hate having spaghetti and meatballs for Thanksgiving. Ho shit, you're a very large italian family thats great but I eat that every day at home, goddamn.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 01:42:00 No.2116486 Report

Quoted By: >>2116519

The one time my dad has fucked up in the kitchen, it wasn't screwing up food.
He spent all day making an amazing pot roast for the family.
He was in the middle of slicing it, using some electric carving knife he'd gotten as a gift.
Something made him drop it, but he instinctively went to catch it.
Bam, chopped off part of his thumb.
Sat right down and started eating regardless because "Goddamn woman, I busted my ass off making this, and I plan on damn well enjoying my hard work before you cart me off to some damn hospital for 4 hours. Sit the hell down and eat."

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 01:46:00 No.2116502 Report

Quoted By:

My sister-In-Law can't even do a dish without failing It while my small brother actually do every supper AND clean the house.

...And she cook something, It's the smell of hell, and only the two of them can actually eat and ENJOY that.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 01:50:00 No.2116513 Report

Quoted By:

I had a friend staying with me for a week, and I had been saving a jar of caviar and we decided this would be the perfect time to eat it. On the last day we were making some baked potatoes, and we realised that we'd forgotten to eat the caviar, so my friend suggested putting it in with the tuna, mayo and sweetcorn that we'd mushed up to put in the potatoes.

I nearly slapped him.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 01:51:00 No.2116519 Report

Quoted By:

>>2116486
Your Dad is awesome. I did almost exactly the same thing, because I put hours of effort into this GODDAMMIT I WILL ENJOY IT NO MATTER WHAT

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 01:52:00 No.2116522 Report

Quoted By:

Not my family but my housemate in college. I awake one morning to the smell of something burning. He had tried to make eggs with no oil or butter.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 01:53:00 No.2116524 Report

Quoted By:

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Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 01:57:00 No.2116536 Report

Quoted By:

My stepmom's a pretty decent cook, but she never seasons meat. Anything else she makes is almost always badass, but meat not so much.
My mom on the other hand cannot and does not cook. I do the cooking and I think everyone is pretty happy with that.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 02:02:00 No.2116551 Report

Quoted By: >>2116568 >>2116592

>>2114208

Jesus titfucking christ. When I realized I was going through a 2-litre every day, I panicked and cut back to nothing but plain and flavored water.

How does he physically fit that much pop into his body.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 02:07:00 No.2116568 Report

Quoted By: >>2116602

>>2116551
What's wrong with going through a 2 liter a day? It's all Diet, so it's healthy, right? right? right?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 02:20:00 No.2116592 Report

Quoted By:

>>2116551
I imagine by pissing constantly or something, or hes immune to diabeetus

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 02:26:00 No.2116602 Report

Quoted By: >>2116645

>>2116568
ILL TAKE 3 BIG MACS TO GO....Oh I should watch my diet...AND A DIET COKE.

Cus that makes *everything* you eat instantly healthy.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 02:36:00 No.2116619 Report

Quoted By:

>>2114710

This is pretty much my family. Sister eats nothing but frozen mac n cheese (seriously, she won't even make the Kraft box shit), Mom never cooks but when she does she overcooks everything, Stepdad is an amazing cook but he grew up in a Mexican home and everyone else is too damn picky to eat the amazing food he cooks up.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 02:38:00 No.2116620 Report

Quoted By: >>2116658 >>2116707

My grandma is a horrible cook. Shes burnt everything. Her pots and pans are sorts of fucked up.
So when we're at her house its a giant rush to beat her to the kitchen, because once she gets there she won't stop.

One time she made me breakfast since I cleaned her house, and the bacon was hot, but raw. She wouldnt leave until I had a piece. Yay food posioning! Thanks Nana!

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 02:47:00 No.2116626 Report

Quoted By: >>2116810

When my mom made bacon she wouldn't ever try to soak up some of the grease from the bacon so it was always greasy as shit. She wouldn't ever drain the grease from the pan when she made eggs either so they were even worse then the bacon.

To top it all off, wouldn't ever clean the bacon grease after she was done cooking. She would save that grease for next meal she made even though it tiny bits of food in the pan. Imagine cooking bacon and eggs with the same pan without washing or draining it for a few weeks, it's so fucking disgusting.

What's even worse is that she worked at a retirement home as a chef. I made the mistake of eating some pork chops she brought home ounce, couldn't sleep the whole night because I was hovering over a toilet puking and shitting.

Thanks for the food poisoning mom, I still can't eat pork chops.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 02:56:00 No.2116645 Report

Quoted By:

>>2116602
or course it the american way

>>2115142
i wouldn't care if she was the fucking queen of england bulimic is bull shit and your parents need to stop spoiling the bitch. She's using the 'disorder' to her advantage

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 02:59:00 No.2116652 Report

Quoted By:

>>2115155

......That's actually pretty traditional.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 03:01:00 No.2116658 Report

Quoted By: >>2116679

>>2116620
>the bacon was hot, but raw
>bacon was raw

interesting.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 03:12:00 No.2116679 Report

Quoted By:

>>2116658
Like she had it in a hot pan long enough to heat it up but not enough to actually cook

Shit's been archived btw

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 03:13:00 No.2116680 Report

Quoted By: >>2116716

My dad used to make pancakes every so often. He always made them the same way: black, crunchy little flat discs.

And his perogies? Store-bought cheapo potato/onion boiled until the potato gets out and leaves a nice little soggy dough flap. Mmmm, flap-tastic!

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 03:19:00 No.2116695 Report

Quoted By:

I remember my mom making pancakes that were still filled with batter in the middle. Ew.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 03:27:00 No.2116707 Report

Quoted By: >>2117732 >>2117866

>>2115155

Apricots are good in couscous, but you usually have to steep them in hot water before adding them.

>>2116620

Most bacon is both cured and smoked, so you could eat it "raw" if you wanted. It would be soft and greasy and unpleasant, but you wouldn't get sick from it.

On a related note, one of my aunts only makes the Midwestern classic, "seven layer salad," which is exactly what it sounds like.

I can't remember all of the layers, but they include chopped iceberg lettuce, chopped raw onion, chopped bacon, MAYO (yes, an actual layer of mayonnaise), Kraft parmesan cheese, etc. Shit's so gross, but of course much of the extended family eats that shit up like it's god damned ambrosia.

cerealkiller !!h4ZtCP9UO

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cerealkiller !!h4ZtCP9UO Sat 31 Jul 2010 03:30:00 No.2116716 Report

Quoted By:

>>2116680
lol'd at flaptastic

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 03:32:00 No.2116720 Report

Quoted By:

I think what this thread tells us is most parents don't know what the fuck they're doing anymore than we do, but as parents they have to at least act like they do. Then they either begin to believe the lie, or are just plain stupid period.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 03:47:00 No.2116743 Report

Quoted By:

Luckily, my parents AND my boyfriend's parents are excellent cooks, so every time we go to visit we're guaranteed a good meal. I work with my Aunt and sometimes she brings leftovers to share for lunch, and goddamnit if my Uncle Larry makes it, it tastes fucking godly. It doesn't matter if it's the weirdest shit thrown in a pan - it's fucking amazing. He makes this Mexican-style shit with salsa and tortillas and spiced ground beef and it's all lumped in and cooked towgether and GOD. Heaven.

I don't do much of the cooking now that I'm out of my parent's house. We don't like to spend much money eating out though, so my boyfriend does most of the cooking. We're college students so obviously we can't afford to make the fanciest shit. Luckily, my boyfriend knows how to work the spice rack.

I'm an okay cook, just lazy. I do all of the baking, however, and I'd say I'm pretty good at it.

Also I had mac and cheese last night due to OP's pic lololol

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 04:04:00 No.2116782 Report

Quoted By:

when I was younger dad made pancakes for breakfast most every weekend I saw him (divorced home meh)
For some god knows why reason he edges of the pancakes tasted absolutely disgusting, so I would start at the middle and eat outwards. The middle was cooked just fine but the edges, tasted like gas and lard. To this day I don't know why and I haven't had them in about 11 years

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 04:10:00 No.2116794 Report

Quoted By:

Baked chicken and potatoes
Pasta with ketchup
Only things my dad ever cooked when me and my sis visited.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 04:16:00 No.2116810 Report

Quoted By:

>>2116626
I actually do this too, but I only cook like 3 strips of bacon at a time as it's only for myself, so I imagine there's less grease. Usually not enough to think about saving for later use anyway. I think it's decent for lightly scrambling some eggs in.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 04:18:00 No.2116816 Report

Quoted By: >>2116833

>>2115471
I fucking lost it when i read "Fag-jitters"

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 04:22:00 No.2116833 Report

Quoted By:

>>2116816
It's an awesome enough phrase it should enter the common vernacular. "I'm coming down with a bad case of the fag-jitters." I'll leave its actual definition and use to your imaginations.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 04:23:00 No.2116836 Report

Quoted By:

Lord, read the whole thread and just have to post. Enjoy your mocking, my family is a bunch of Jews, so lots of that food going on.

Mom - always worked as far back as I can remember and an amazing cook, seriously. Asian, American, Indian, home cooking, Jew food, anything, she makes it brilliant everytime. I missed her food when I went off to uni.

Dad - not a bad cook, but not as amazing as Mom, his dishes lack a zing or final touch that makes Mom's amazing. But get him near the oven and damn. He does all the bread, cakes, any type of baking. He used to make these bread things, flat like pita bread, but thicker dough and amazing flavor, filled with cheese, but not too much, straight out of the oven all warm and amazing.

Bro - never seen him cook, though he's supposedly great on the grill.

Me - decent I think. I like to cook, although my palate is unique to me. I think I'm getting better. I love to poach chicken, fuck when it's just cooked and juicy and tender with some steamed veg. But recently mastered roast lamb and pork, so super happy about that.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 04:34:00 No.2116863 Report

Quoted By:

My family's pretty good with cooking, to be honest. Particularly my dad since we have a huge-ass barbeque station installed in our backyard we installed less than a year ago, so he's always grilling up stuff now that it's summer. I used to despise asparagus but I really like it now because of that grill.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 06:18:00 No.2117160 Report

Quoted By:

my sister isn't a cook; basically all she can make is boxed pasta dinners and stuff in a can. One time she made a box of brownie mix, and added like 3 times the water it needed.
They ended up being mush in the middle and rock hard on the edges

cerealkiller !!h4ZtCP9UO

cerealkiller !!h4ZtCP9UO Sat 31 Jul 2010 06:44:00 No.2117229 Report

Quoted By:

My boyfriend learned about following recipes the hard way. He had the urge to make chocolate chip cookies one night, and I was around to supervise. I turned my back briefly to prepare something else, and just as we're about to put the cookies in the oven, I go over the recipe with him.

Turns out he mistook teaspoon for tablespoon, figured "they were like, the same" and put in 1 tablespoon of baking soda.

Cookies were flat and tasted like vinegar. Hooray.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 07:10:00 No.2117303 Report

Quoted By:

Yeah, me.

Though now that I think of it my pastry wasn't that bad in Home Economics, and I could sew like a motherfucker.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 07:24:00 No.2117340 Report

Quoted By: >>2117358

An aunt on my stepdad's side of the family thinks she's hot shit, as she's a high school counselor. She'll tell you how to run your life; you don't even have to ask for her opinion!

She makes mac and cheese from the box one time, and dumps all the ingredients into the boiling water, cooks it, strains it, and then wonders why it tastes like shit.

Hate that bitch.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 07:30:00 No.2117358 Report

Quoted By:

>>2117340
Teachers man, they're hardly the best listeners.

>framework unmanly
Heh, Captcha may be annoying but it's actually teaching me words I didn't know about.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 07:48:00 No.2117388 Report

Quoted By:

My sister's pretty retarded at cooking, but she always makes my dad cook her breakfast and mooches off of us when she doesn't eat fast food (the fact that she's about a size 8 and I've always been fat makes me want to kill her).
She makes pancakes half-cooked because it "tastes better that way" and makes the SHITTIEST cookies I've ever eaten. The last time she made cookies (she eats half because shes stoned) I couldnt eat one because it tasted like alcohol. She put too much vanilla and a shit crap of food dye in it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 08:33:00 No.2117437 Report

Quoted By:

My family's decent at cooking- best is my dad, who's italian and proves the stereotype that italians can cook. He used to live in Wyoming, so he taught himself how to cook well. I never ate takeout pizza as a kid, because we always ate homemade pizza at my house. Shit was so cash.
My mom is ok, Midwestern, lots of cream soup and casserole type things, but she tries new stuff and isn't incompetent. She has a habit of mixing together leftovers and eating it for lunch though.... tuna and coleslaw, mixed together?
I'm a decent cook- started experimenting when I was really small, then actually learned some technique and recipes when I was about 12-13.
My sister is the worst cook in the family- all she can make are brownies, omelets, and mac and cheese. She could probably make better stuff, she just doesn't.

A friend of mine is a ridiculously bad cook- he once explained to me his only cooking endeavor- chicken, microwaved in aluminum foil (yes, aluminum foil,in the microwave...), mixed with leftover rice and canned veggies.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 08:36:00 No.2117441 Report

Quoted By:

The entire female population of my family are amazing cooks, and the only two men, my cousins, cannot cook anything. At all. For example, they don't even know how to boil water. They can heat up food in an oven and microwave, that's pretty much it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 08:41:00 No.2117450 Report

Quoted By: >>2117539 >>2117561 >>2119414

My mom would buy fresh vegetables, you could practically smell the outdoors on them, and then take the cruncy juicy treats and cut them on her cutting board, chopping and releasing all the aromatic flavors. Then she'd get a whole chicken, bone it, skin it, and cut it into bits and put it in a large pot with the vegetables. She would put the flame on low and cook the food, simmering it until the room was filled with a thick, heady waft of chicken and vegetables, potatoes, tomatoes, celery and the like. Then after several hours she'd take the lid off the pot and a tidal wave of aromas would erupt from the liquid, which was thick and gleamed with a colorful patina of all the flavors the chicken and vegetables had released into it. Then she'd pull out a colander, overturn the pot into it, pour out all the delicious liquid, watch it swirl down the drain, and serve the now tasteless lumps of bleached, blanched flavorless chicken and vegetable mush.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 08:46:00 No.2117455 Report

Quoted By:

My sister is the worst cook in our family, hands down. She's picky enough that you can't cook anything for her too.

When she moved in with her boyfriend, she wanted to show my family how "domestic" she was by making us all dinner. She got one of those meal in a box things you just add chicken to. Thought she set a timer, but didn't, and managed to fuck that up by burning it to shit in her oven.

She didn't know that pickles were cucumbers until she was 23.

Her favorite shitty dish is "Salsa Chicken" I bet you can guess the ingredients. I'm not snob when it comes to food, but adding salsa to everything does not make it better. She even puts it in spaghetti sauce. Gross.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 08:47:00 No.2117457 Report

Quoted By:

I know this doesnt sound possible but my grandma is a terrible cook.
She cant cook mac n cheese for shit and always leaves the noodles too soggy and she doesnt mix it right. There are always sections with clumps of cheese and other sections with no cheese at all...its fuckin gross.

When she makes spaghetti she puts canned tuna in the sauce

She once made a cake and added mayo to the cake mix and wondered why it turned out disgusting.

Shes the reason I learned how to cook at a very young age so that i wouldnt have to eat the bile she produces

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 09:10:00 No.2117484 Report

Quoted By:

ITT people who need to grow a spine

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 09:22:00 No.2117512 Report

Quoted By: >>2117530 >>2117533 >>2117708

everybody has tales.. my sister baby sat me from age I donno.. 6 untill eight or nine... to this day, I still cannot eat a breaded veal cutlet( no not real veal, one of those horific prepreaded mystery meat things) but I am 50 now and she is 61. and a damn fine cook. but its comfort food. like mac an chesse. I like the cheap kind. 2 for a buck. and now i add stuff like black olives, canned mushrooms... or be fancy fry bacon and call it pasta corbonera... its like pork and beans... on toast.. or ramin noodles... we actully neverr had those in the '70s.. but sometimes, late at night... ill make a pack of those, pouur off most of the water... ad a spoon of chesse wizz or even penutbutter... and think I am pretty lucky. its nice. but also, i like weird chep stuff. a lb of ground beef, a palm of dried onion, a cup of ketsup, a bit of wostershire sauce.. ( we called it bug juice so there, no dog in that fight.. like saying liester or lestirshire..).serve over instant mashed potatoes. oh yeah? well, yeah.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 09:28:00 No.2117530 Report

Quoted By: >>2117691

>>2117512
And I wore an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time.

Sceak !!RxyDxR1Em

Sceak !!RxyDxR1Em Sat 31 Jul 2010 09:29:00 No.2117533 Report

Quoted By: >>2117540 >>2117565 >>2117691 >>2118099

>>2117512

LISTEN, FAGGOT. USE FUCKING PUNCTUATION YOU OLD, RANCID, SOPPING CUNT.

YOU SEE THOSE PERIODS?! YOU SEE THOSE COMMAS??! FUCK YOU SO MUCH. YOU KEEP POSTING HERE AND NO ONE READS YOUR DRIVEL BECAUSE IT IS MINDLESS, RAMBLING, TL;DR.

(that's Too Long; Didn't Read to you you fucking piece of shit)

I SWEAR TO GOD IF I HAVE TO LOOK AT ONE MORE POST OF YOURS WITH A MILLION ELIPSES I'M GOING TO JUST FOLLOW YOU AROUND ALL DAY AND CALL YOU A NIGGER.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 09:30:00 No.2117539 Report

Quoted By:

>>2117450

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 09:31:00 No.2117540 Report

Quoted By:

>>2117533
Oh god I can't breathe.
I lol'd so hard.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 09:38:00 No.2117561 Report

Quoted By:

>>2117450

I would cut that bitch in her stupid face!

...Just sayin'...

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 09:40:00 No.2117565 Report

Quoted By:

>>2117533

I love this board SO much.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 09:43:00 No.2117579 Report

Quoted By:

Let's see...

My mom is a pretty good cook. She usually just makes the same things over and over. (Pot roast, spaghetti and meatballs, peppered steak...) She doesn't cook much anymore now that my brother and I are grown.

My dad can't cook shit except omelets. I'm sure he COULD cook if he tried but he never has the desire.

My brother...just no. He's one of those guys who'll eat everything brought into the house in a day and is still thin. He can't cook AT ALL. He used to badger me all the time to make him sandwiches because "he didn't know how to do it." What is so difficult about bread+condiments+meat+cheese??

And there's me...I can cook pretty well. I've had crappy mishaps with boiling rice though. (Always burns to the bottom of the pot.)

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 10:22:00 No.2117691 Report

Quoted By:

>>2117530
>>2117533
Oh fuck I laughed so hard I god light-headed. I love you /ck/.

Seriously I was reading that post and just sitting there like... is there a point to this story, Grandpa? Just give me my birthday money and go back to bed you smell like death

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 10:27:00 No.2117708 Report

Quoted By:

>>2117512
>tl;dr
>Laugh my shit off at grandpa/ sceak
>Finally read
>Shit I can't breath

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 10:36:00 No.2117732 Report

Quoted By: >>2117866

>>2116707
my bfs dad makes that!
but adds beets, peas, strawberries...
more like 13 mismatched layers
disgusting...

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 10:40:00 No.2117745 Report

Quoted By:

Mom - I may have grown up in poverty, but we never went hungry or without a sense of taste. She knows every "Mom" staple in the book, from cookies to four course meals that make you think it's Thanksgiving. She learned to cook at a young age, and so did I.

Dad - My real dad died when I was four, first stepdad died when I was nine. (Lung cancer) After that my mom dated a few dicks and then married their king. She divorced him after 10 years of shit, and then met the first and only man I've ever been proud to call my Dad. His first and only job was in a greasy spoon that's now a large Catering kitchen. He can cook anything and make it taste divine. Too bad he wasn't around when I was a kid. :(

Brother: He never really got past ramen and boxed "instant" this, or "easy" that. I've been using his 4 year old son to get him to learn what he can, because they both get an earful from the doctor.

Self: I was as picky as they get when I was young. As far back as I can remember, I wouldn't eat meat. I hated the texture and flavor, not the source. Until I was about 16, I ate meat maybe 3 times a year. Now I learn everything I can at every chance I get. I make my own sauces, and (excluding noodles, or drinks) there is no cardboard or plastic in my kitchen. :)

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 11:23:00 No.2117832 Report

Quoted By:

Mom: Very good - most of her recipes are just from memory, and she's got quite a range, from basic "mom" recipes to sweets and cookies, to grilling, and even making her own pasta, ice-cream, and even yogurt at one point.

Dad: It's been a long time since I've had any of his cooking, but I remember it being fairly no-frills; it wasn't _bad_, per se, just not very imaginative. A lot of canned/ready-made stuff, too. Though he did introduce me to Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey, which remains my favorite flavor to this day.

Sister: Good, because she's a perfectionist who follows recipes to the letter. Likes making sweets and desserts.

Brother: Mostly sticks to breakfasts, prepackaged foods, and sandwiches, though he does occasionally experiment, and the results can be surprisingly good - we found he had a knack for making pizza a few years ago, and one of the best sandwiches I've ever had was a ham and cheese he put in a waffle-iron. Yes. A waffle-iron.

Self: Took up cooking because I was tired of prepackaged foods when Mom wasn't around to cook. Started out kind of a crap cook with a tendency to turn the heat up too high and scorch whatever I was cooking so it tasted like shit, but I've improved greatly since going to uni and discovering the beauty that is the Farmers' Market. Decent repertoire, though I tend to stick to reading recipes until they're fully ingrained. Fond of baking and Italian cooking, can make tomato sauce and chicken-noodle soup entirely from scratch (though due to rules in my dorm, I can't have wine to add to the sauce...) and have received many compliments for my Stroganoff, Bread and Ginger Beer, and when I fuck up, I can usually still use it for something; made a batch of grapefruit marmalade that was too runny to use on bread, but made a fantastic marinade for chicken, for example.

One thing I'm admittedly still shit at is keeping the kitchen clean. :<

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 11:34:00 No.2117849 Report

Quoted By:

my family are all pretty excellent cooks. my roommate sucks, however.

she puts whole peppercorns in EVERYTHING. even tomato sauce. i hate biting into one of those little fuckers when i'm trying to eat one of her dry, overcooked meals.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 11:41:00 No.2117865 Report

Quoted By:

my sister once borrowed a recipe from an aunt, and while we were making it i left for 5 minutes, then when i came back i found she had put a two tablespoons of salt, not teaspoons, and then I told her, that there was no way.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 11:42:00 No.2117866 Report

Quoted By:

>>2116707
>>2117732
Yeah, that Seven Layer Salad can be really bad if people don't know what the fuck they're doing. But it can also be really good. My mom was a professional chef, then a caterer, and she would get requests for that salad occasionally when she catered parties, etc. (Back in the eighties, it was really popular). But hers was fucking delicious. I don't remember everything she put in it, but I know it didn't involve mayonnaise or kraft parmesan cheese, or strawberries or beets, LOL. I remember it being almost like a layered Cobb salad, but not those exact ingredients. I do remember she made the dressing for it from scratch, because she let me help her with it once when I was a kid.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 12:27:00 No.2117915 Report

Quoted By: >>2117966

My aunt and uncle, dear god they don't make shit that doesn't come from a bag or box. i recently visited them and its nothing but pre-prepped food like chicken nuggets or breaded chicken patty's. i made them some of my spaghetti while i was there and they ate the whole damn pot it was nearly 6 pounds of food between 9 people.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 13:22:00 No.2117966 Report

Quoted By:

>>2117915

And I'm sure they were very grateful to have it. :)

just_the_doctor !KKpJUbA4wk

just_the_doctor !KKpJUbA4wk Sat 31 Jul 2010 15:57:00 No.2118099 Report

Quoted By: >>2118110 >>2118114 >>2118115

>>2117533
Will you marry me, Sceak?

Sceak !!RxyDxR1Em

Sceak !!RxyDxR1Em Sat 31 Jul 2010 16:06:00 No.2118110 Report

Quoted By:

>>2118099

Only if I can be the little girl.

Sceak !!RxyDxR1Em

Sceak !!RxyDxR1Em Sat 31 Jul 2010 16:12:00 No.2118114 Report

Quoted By:

>>2118099

I will marry you if he can be the little girl, too.

Sceak !!RxyDxR1Em

Sceak !!RxyDxR1Em Sat 31 Jul 2010 16:13:00 No.2118115 Report

Quoted By:

>>2118099

Ha ha oh cool, no that actually was me. And yes, I will marry you for your intelligent rebuttal earlier.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 16:18:00 No.2118119 Report

Quoted By: >>2118122

awesome triple post sceak. i guess youve really earned the right to be a trip-fag...

NOT

Sceak !!RxyDxR1Em

Sceak !!RxyDxR1Em Sat 31 Jul 2010 16:22:00 No.2118122 Report

Quoted By:

>>2118119

u mad though?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 17:01:00 No.2118166 Report

Quoted By:

Mom is an awesome cook, has a PANTRY of recipes all organized by number of ingredients, and after each new recipe she tries she marks on it either "Make again, Guests or Rarely". Dad is a decent cook, keeps to his tried and true recipes...tends to overcook his chicken...but that's ok. Sis I don't let ANYWHERE near the kitchen.. "Can I he---NO!" I'm not too bad of a cook, Poultry is my specialty...Roomie taught me to make a mean Bacon and Broccoli Fettuccine Alfredo...but that's only when company comes over. Make a decent pumpkin pie too. Major Fuckup for me was when I was about 10, I used to make breakfast for the family on Sunday mornings...one day I got the bottles of Nutmeg and cinnamon mixed up while making french toast....even the DOG wouldn't eat it...but I learned

SlowMope !LQ6XW3vel6

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SlowMope !LQ6XW3vel6 Sat 31 Jul 2010 18:09:00 No.2118261 Report

Quoted By:

my dad lit water on fire.
admittedly that is what he set out to do, and it wasn't so much "cooking" as it was showing me a neat sciencey thing, but it pretty well describes his ability to cook as well. Fact is he messes up instant coffee all the time, and has almost burned down the house several times doing so. My mom now forces him to use nothing but the microwave when he wants to cook stuff... he exploded shampoo in the microwave last winter, I don't know why she thinks this will be any less dangerous.

My mom can cook alright, she used to be quite good at "mom meals" when I was a kid, just the simple stuff like stir fry and chicken and potatoes, but it was good. I haven't had a meal made by her in a long while, when she comes to visit either I cook or we order out.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 31 Jul 2010 18:26:00 No.2118277 Report

Quoted By:

My dad kinda fits this. I wasn't there at the time, but he once was cooking bacon in the oven under the broiler and forgot about it. Until the house started to fill with smoke. That bacon was blackened to a crisp.

Aside from that, though, he's the sort of person who varies between experimenting in the kitchen, or just cooking the same thing over and over and over. Like sausage and potatoes. A good dish, until you've had it for the tenth time in a month.

But his experiments sometimes come out alright, but usually he uses some weird combination of spices. It's edible, but it's not really delicious or anything. It scares me because my brothers are learning to cook from him right now, so they might end up the same way.

velvet !!h4ZtCP9UO

velvet !!h4ZtCP9UO Sat 31 Jul 2010 18:36:00 No.2118297 Report

Quoted By:

I'm lucky in the way that my whole family's into cooking, and does it pretty well. My sister and I love doing the desserts, my mother makes the best culture food, and my dad's a wicked bbq-er.

However, everyone has their faults. I didn't understand the point of a roux until someone told me, when I was like 14.

My dad's bbq rocks, but he's not so good and things my mom does.

My mother's cooking doesn't have faults. Though, she makes too much soup, and it fills the freezer.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Aug 2010 03:06:00 No.2119220 Report

Quoted By: >>2119405

The only real horror story that I have to share actually happened in home economics class back in 8th grade. There were 6 kitchen stations and we were split up into groups of 4. Every day, the teacher would write a recipe on the board and set out all the necessary ingredients. If we followed the recipe and everything turned out well, we would get credit. If you fucked up, you would get a zero. My groupmates were all lazy fucks who could barely cook scrambled eggs so I chose to do most of the work.

One day, our class was assigned a recipe for sweet and sour meatballs. Pretty straightforward, but it was the first time our teacher had given us a meat-based recipe so we were all excited. I chopped up everything, put it all together, got it simmering in a pan, and was moving on to the meatballs. I tossed in some seasonings and started rolling them into small balls. My groupmates freaked the fuck out. "Why are you making them so small?!" One of them grabbed the balls I had already made, threw them back in the bowl, and started making a huge ball using all of the meat (10-15 meatballs worth of it). I told him that it wouldn't cook if he made it that big, but he said "Yes it will, don't be an idiot, we'll just turn the fire on hotter." I tried to fix it before they could fuck it up, but I was outnumbered in the kitchen and they just butted me out of the way.

They wouldn't let me turn off the heat under the sauce so it ended up scorching and tasted sour as hell. Of course, the meatball didn't cook through AT ALL and it was burned on side side and raw on the other because they didn't even roll it around. They put it on a plate with the burned side facing up and poured the sauce on it. The teacher came around and tasted ours to see if we did it right. She ran to the sink and spit it out. We all got zeroes. Of course, my group blamed me for fucking up the sauce and for not giving them enough time to cook the meat.

Oh god fuck them I'm still raging over that shit.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Aug 2010 03:10:00 No.2119229 Report

Quoted By:

I live with my brother. His idea of cooking is to put meat into a frying pan and come back in 20 minutes. He uses a teflon frying pan that he has burned and scraped so many times about 70% of it is actually missing, the bottom is all flakey and burned but he still uses it every day. Fairly often he forgets about the meat he is cooking and burns the shit out of it, so sometimes he fills the pan with water so it won't scorch. He did have one successful endeavor of broiling a duck though.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1272326126548.jpg, 51KiB, 403x480

Anonymous Sun 01 Aug 2010 04:17:00 No.2119359 Report

Quoted By:

>mfw this thread is still alive

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Aug 2010 04:23:00 No.2119376 Report

Quoted By: >>2119387

Boyfriend thinks that cayenne powder is an acceptable topping to every food ever. even alfredo, pizza, burgers, fries, spaghetti, and all of his lame tv dinners

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Aug 2010 04:30:00 No.2119387 Report

Quoted By:

>>2119376
cayenne powder is shit-tier. Crushed red pepper on the other hand.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Aug 2010 04:37:00 No.2119398 Report

Quoted By:

I'm a good cook but occasionally I over salt things due to a lapse in confidence. I wish there was a way to trick myself into not doing that.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Aug 2010 04:45:00 No.2119405 Report

Quoted By: >>2119450

>>2119220
oh god I feel you man.
not the same class but i always got paired with the lazy ass not pay attention in class jack offs. Had to smack them with a book one time to get to do anything

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Aug 2010 04:50:00 No.2119414 Report

Quoted By:

>>2117450
Feels bad, man.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Aug 2010 05:07:00 No.2119433 Report

Quoted By: >>2120798

this post is copypasta was here yesterday
either that or you not get enough answers/got somethin else to talk bout OP?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Aug 2010 05:11:00 No.2119450 Report

Quoted By: >>2119454

>>2119405
a kid in my class once did nothing but play with the knives like they were fucking action figures. I had to physically take them away from him and slap him with towels to get him to stop

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Aug 2010 05:13:00 No.2119454 Report

Quoted By:

>>2119450
oh and the one time he did try to do something he added a half cup of baking powder into our cookies, and I had to fish it out. fuck that kid

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Aug 2010 05:15:00 No.2119459 Report

Quoted By:

Not quite family, but I had a flatmate for nearly 3 years who's idea of cooking was to boil some mixed veg/potatoes and fry off what ever chops were cheapest that week. Ox tail is not a suitable cut for pan-frying...

We used to share cooking, and the other 3 of us would put reasonable effort and ingredients in to make curries, pasta, roasts, etc and yet every 4 days we would get essentially the same meal. We even all agreed that we would not repeat meals in a passive aggressive attempt to get him to change but he just went to rotating chops with sausages. Eventually we had to go to cooking our own meals, and without fail he had either take-out or that same meal every night til he moved out.

o/ Sun 01 Aug 2010 06:03:00 No.2119534 Report

Quoted By:

well, i'm okay at cooking, but once a year or so ago i burned ramen ( nudels ) i don't really know how i did that :/

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Aug 2010 11:36:00 No.2120169 Report

Quoted By:

bamp

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Aug 2010 11:48:00 No.2120188 Report

Quoted By:

my paternal grandmother.

Her spaghetti is a can of tomato soup over noodles.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 0142.jpg, 88KiB, 900x600

Anonymous Sun 01 Aug 2010 20:39:00 No.2120795 Report

Quoted By:

my brother so lazy when he wants to make a sandwich he just puts 4 slices of cheese on bread and calls it a day.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Aug 2010 20:42:00 No.2120798 Report

Quoted By:

>>2119433
same (and only) thread, dear.
good work.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 01 Aug 2010 22:52:00 No.2121041 Report

Quoted By:

My aunt. She gets takeout almost every single night. Her husband is cool with it cuz he knows she can't cook shit. For thanksgiving one year she got a CANNED HAM! Her specialty was mixing canned corn with rice and adding salt and pepper.

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