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Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 04:40:00 No.29494097 View View Reply Original Report

Quoted By:

In this thread, I'll post some script excerts of Sam Hamm's "Watchmen".

Here are some gems from Sam Hamm's script.

SWAT COP II: Captain... what the hell is that?

All eyes turn upward. In the distance, a TINY SPECK descends from the clouds and drops, in a perfectly vertical line, toward the head of the statue. The SWAT CAPTAIN hoists a pair of binoculars:

SWAT CAPTAIN: Shit. Shit fire!!

SWAT COP: Sir! What is it?

7. POV SHOT - THROUGH BINOCULARS
A magnified view of the SPECK, which turns out to be a futuristic, blimplike HOVERCRAFT -- the OWLSHIP.

SWAT CAPTAIN (O.S.): Christ almighty, it's the goddamned Watchmen!

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 04:41:00 No.29494120 Report

Quoted By:

Is this the one where Rorschach takes a shit?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 04:41:00 No.29494121 Report

Quoted By:

50. INT. DREIBERG'S KITCHEN - NIGHT

Leaning back in a chair, his feet propped up on the kitchen table, is the aforementioned RORSCHACH. His inkblot mask is rolled partway up, exposing a mouthful of bad teeth, and he's calmly eating a plate of baked beans.

DREIBERG: How did you get in here?

Ignoring the question, RORSCHACH greets him in a soft, rasping, utterly emotionless whisper:

RORSCHACH: Hiya, pardner. Long time no see.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 04:42:00 No.29494141 Report

Quoted By: >>29494191

114. INT. GUNGA DINER - REST ROOM - A MOMENT LATER

A twitchy MOLOCH locks himself in a stall, sits on the throne, and pulls out a bundle of WHITE POWDER. He takes a couple of hits up the nose, then dips his finger in the stuff and rubs it around the edges of his EYELIDS.

His eyes water. He sniffles. He reaches for some toilet paper; bizarrely, a small BUSINESS CARD falls out of the roll. He picks it up...

There's a hand-scrawled RORSCHACH BLOT on its face.

A low, hissing GROWL from overhead. MOLOCH looks up suddenly -- and sees RORSCHACH peering at him over the stall partition.

He GASPS and lunges for the door. RORSCHACH's arm snakes out and holds the stall door shut.

RORSCHACH: Two things I hate. Street mimes... and users of recreational
drugs.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 04:43:00 No.29494150 Report

Quoted By: >>29494186

DR. LONG: Walter --

RORSCHACH: Don't call me that.

DR. LONG: Walter -- you're just telling me what you think I want to hear.

RORSCHACH: Wrong answers?

DR. LONG: There's no right or wrong. But if you don't give me an honest response, I can't help you. (pause) I want to help you. I want to know all about you.

RORSCHACH: Hnnrr. -- Like to masturbate. Shit once a day.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 04:44:00 No.29494180 Report

Quoted By:

116. INT. VEIDT'S OFFICE - DAY
VEIDT is shocked to find RORSCHACH down on the carpet, wrestling with his mutant LYNX.
He CLAPS HIS HANDS TWICE:

VEIDT: KITTY!!

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 04:44:00 No.29494186 Report

Quoted By: >>29494211

>>29494150
only once?

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 04:44:00 No.29494191 Report

Quoted By:

>>29494141
>rubs it around the edges of his EYELIDS.

I'm pretty sure that's not how you do cocaine.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 04:44:00 No.29494205 Report

Quoted By:

This is the one where Dr Manhattan kills Veidt and transports Rorschach to the real world, right?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 04:45:00 No.29494211 Report

Quoted By:

>>29494186
He only eats canned beans, he can't be very regular.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 04:46:00 No.29494232 Report

Quoted By: >>29494277 >>29494332 >>29494430

Rorschach turns and holds up a finger: one moment, please. Then, calm and dispassionate, he enters the MEN's room. DREIBERG and LAURIE stand at the end of the corridor, mildly boggled.

LAURIE: What's he doing?

DREIBERG: I think he's going to the john.

LAURIE: My God! We bust him out of jail, in the middle of a riot, and he stops to take a --

Before she can finish, RORSCHACH reemerges, wiping his hands on a paper towel. He wanders up to join them without so much as a "howdy."

DREIBERG: ... That was quick.

RORSCHACH: Toilet clogged. Short fat turd.

By the way, Rorschach's capture by the police is to the sound of Fats Walker's "S'posin", and intercut with Laurie and Dreinberg's sex scene - No erectile dysfunction in this version.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 04:46:00 No.29494251 Report

Quoted By:

VEIDT: It ate up enough megawatts to light the eastern seaboard for a year and a half -- but last week I managed to open a dime-sized hole for almost three seconds. (turning to face them) In a minute I'll do it again. And if my aim is true, I'll put a bullet through Jon Osterman's heart... and Dr. Manhattan will never be born.

DREIBERG and RORSCHACH trade looks of disbelief.

RORSCHACH: ... And they call me a fucking nut.

DREIBERG: Adrian. It's too late. The world is blowing up as we stand here.

VEIDT: Don't be obtuse, Daniel. If I kill Jon in the past, none of this will happen. We won't even be here, will we?

DREIBERG: And what if you're wrong?

VEIDT: I'm not.

DREIBERG: What if you're wrong??

VEIDT: Then I've been a very bad boy and you'll have to spank me. Christ!

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 04:47:00 No.29494277 Report

Quoted By:

>>29494232
They sure do like to talk about poop in this particular script.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 04:49:00 No.29494332 Report

Quoted By:

>>29494232
>Rorschach's capture by the police is ... intercut with Laurie and Dreinberg's sex scene

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 04:50:00 No.29494338 Report

Quoted By:

Someone needs to make this, so much. I'd pay for a low budget cut.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 04:50:00 No.29494355 Report

Quoted By: >>29494457

241. EXT. VORTEX EFFECT
DREIBERG, LAURIE and RORSCHACH spinning and tumbling through an otherdimensional funhouse of sound and color. If space and time could be compressed into a single extravagant E-ticket joyride, this would be it. Their bodies contract and distend, warp and elongate; their tortured mouths emit soundless shrieks; and then, before they know it, they find themselves deposited --

242. EXT. NEW YORK STREET - NIGHT
-- smack in the middle of a busy intersection. The three of them materialize from nowhere; a southbound VAN swerves to avoid them, slamming into a row of parked cars, and a northbound TAXICAB does the same, knocking over a fire hydrant.

LAURIE: Dan, is this -- is this New York??

DREIBERG: Those cars. What year is this??

LAURIE: Everything's changed --

It's a disorienting world they've landed in. In fact, it's our world, our New York, and everything -- the cars, the clothing, the very look of the city -- seems just a trifle out of whack...

RORSCHACH: Hnrrrrr -- we never happened.

BYSTANDERS cluster about, laughing and taunting, highly amused by the obvious puzzlement of the freakish trio in their midst. There are, of course, no costumed heroes in our world, and their sudden presence prompts a Babel of speculation among the onlookers: Nuts? Fruits? Out-of-work actors?

RORSCHACH takes a swing at one of the curious, who gets a touch too close, and the mood begins to turn hostile. The CROWD, now grown to several dozen people, is threatening to block the intersection altogether; a MOUNTED POLICEMAN rides up on his stallion and blows a shrill WHISTLE.

DREIBERG: Oh my God, they still ride around on horses!

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 04:53:00 No.29494430 Report

Quoted By: >>29494531

>>29494232
>Rorschach's capture by the police is to the sound of Fats Walker's "S'posin", and intercut with Laurie and Dreinberg's sex scene
>S'posin during the sex scene

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcULMuqfGuA

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 04:54:00 No.29494457 Report

Quoted By: >>29494575

>>29494355
243. EXT. NEWSSTAND - THAT MOMENT
The same newsstand we've seen all along -- but luckily, here in our world, the headlines are only mildly discouraging: "RUSSIAN SUMMIT TALKS COLLAPSE." Like everyone else, our old friend the NEWS VENDOR is gapin at the ruckus on the street.

NEWS VENDOR: Jesus Christ, it must be Halloween.

His sidekick, the small black KID who reads comic books, points to the befuddled trio on the street and LAUGHS in gleeful recognition.

KID: Shit, man! It's Rorschach! And Night Owl!

NEWS VENDOR: What are you talkin' about?

KID: Superheroes! Check it out!

He thrusts a COMIC BOOK into the NEWS VENDOR's hand and races off to join the growing throng of rubberneckers. The NEWS VENDOR stares down at the costumed characters in the comic book -- "WATCHMEN" --
then throws a cockeyed squint at their real-life counterparts on the street.

KID: All right! They must be on a case.

244. EXT. STREET - THAT MOMENT - NIGHT
HORNS BLARE. ALL TRAFFIC HAS STOPPED. The intersection is mobbed with curious ONLOOKERS. By now a half-dozen BEAT COPS have arrived to clear the streets and restore order.

COP I: Break it up! Stand back!

COP II: Come on, you three. If this is some kind of publicity stunt --

DREIBERG, LAURIE, and RORSCHACH have fallen into a tight circle. They don't know what to expect and they're poised for a brawl. The
taunting crowd gives them plenty of room; even the COPS are hesitant to advance.

LAURIE: Dan -- what do we do now?

DREIBERG (panicked): Wherever we are, it's better than what we left. Backs together --

LAURIE: We'll tell them what's happened. They'll listen to reason, won't they -- ?

RORSCHACH: They'd better.

And on RORSCHACH's final vicious HISS, we SHOCK CUT TO BLACK and

FADE OUT.

THE END

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 04:57:00 No.29494528 Report

Quoted By: >>29494636

This better not be fucking real.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 04:57:00 No.29494531 Report

Quoted By:

>>29494430

>mfw picturing rorschach being captured and dan and laurie going at it to that song

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 04:57:00 No.29494553 Report

Quoted By:

That's pretty meta. I'd like to see a mainstream superhero film end like that. Maybe with a screenplay written by Grant Morrison - He likes that kind of mindfuckery.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 04:58:00 No.29494575 Report

Quoted By:

>>29494457
Beautiful.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 05:00:00 No.29494607 Report

Quoted By:

>I spoke to Sam Ham—he comes from Virginia, he’s one of the Virginia Hams—and he’s written the Batman screenplay which I’m sure you might criticise here and there but I would say that from a comic fan’s point of view you couldn’t ask for a better one. We’ve both read it and we’re both satisfied. Anyway, Sam came up to see me because he’s been asked to do the Watchmen screenplay. He said he wanted to do it. His reasoning was that he didn’t want to do Watchmen because it wouldn’t matter much whether he wrote it or not, since it’ll be rewritten at various points, the director will change bits, the cast will change bits so that any lines that eventually appear on the screen that are in any way similar to my script will be pure coincidence. In other words: if someone’s gonna fuck up Watchmen, he’d rather it wasn’t him. Still, his reason for doing Watchmen was that if someone’s gonna fuck it up he’d rather it was someone who cared about it. He said, “I realise I’m defeated before I start so I’ve got to take a Samurai attitude to it: that I’m already dead, so I’ll discharge myself with honour.” I couldn’t ask for a better attitude.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 05:00:00 No.29494623 Report

Quoted By: >>29494660

152. INT. FACTORY - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)
The FAT MAN squirms on the floor, a gag in his mouth. He's handcuffed to an exposed pipe. RORSCHACH strides into frame with a GROCERY SACK.

He kneels beside the FAT MAN and loosens his gag. Then he peels off his glove and reaches into the sack.

FAT MAN: What -- what are you d--

RORSCHACH silences the FAT MAN by cramming a fistful of RAW HAMBURGER
into his open mouth. He's got several pounds of the stuff, and he spends the next few seconds SMEARING IT all over the FAT MAN's face, throat, and hands, stuffing the leftovers down his shirt. When he's done, he reaches into the sack for a big plastic bag full of STEER BLOOD... and EMPTIES IT over the FAT MAN's head.

It's supposed to be a serious scene, but I can't help to make funny a mental picture of Rorschach rubbing raw burgers on a fat guy's face.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 05:01:00 No.29494636 Report

Quoted By:

>>29494528
Oh, it was. It was one of the runners-up scripts that was turned in. Thank God nobody was retarded enough to use it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 05:01:00 No.29494660 Report

Quoted By:

>>29494623

>RORSCHACH silences the FAT MAN by cramming a fistful of RAW HAMBURGER into his open mouth.

demanding a draw fag to get on this

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 05:06:00 No.29494776 Report

Quoted By:

165. INT. CTU HOVERCRAFT - THAT MOMENT
A RADAR MAN stares at his console in puzzlement.

CTU RADAR MAN: Sir, we've got an odd blip off starboard...

The ship ROCKS VIOLENTLY as a sudden EXPLOSION --

166. AERIAL SHOT - ON CTU HOVERCRAFT
-- BLOWS THE CANNON MOUNT CLEANLY OFF ITS UNDERSIDE!! The ruptured ship WOBBLES, trying to right itself, but to no avail; jets sputtering, it lurches toward the harbor and SLAPS DOWN HARD against the water.

167. ANGLE ON CROWD
pointing at the skies in disbelief.

VOICE IN CROWD: LOOK! UP THERE!

VOICE IN CROWD II: Oh my God, it's --

168. INT. OWLSHIP - ON DREIBERG
He barks into a microphone:

DREIBERG: Attention, CTU! Cease fire immediately --

169. EXT. SEAPORT - THAT MOMENT - DUSK
Ground level. From the midst of the bewildered CROWD we watch as the OWLSHIP and the CTU talk some serious trash:

OWLSHIP LOUDSPEAKER: -- or we'll BLOW YOUR ASSES OUT OF THE SKY!

CTU LOUDSPEAKER: UNREGISTERED CRAFT. IDENTIFY YOURSELF.

OWLSHIP LOUDSPEAKER: BABY... WE'RE A BLAST FROM THE PAST.

The crowd's in a frenzy. Most of them are taking it on the lam. But a dozen hardy souls are standing stock-still, transfixed by the strange sight overhead.

VOICE IN CROWD: ... IT'S THE WATCHMEN!!

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 05:07:00 No.29494806 Report

Quoted By:

The one truly legitimate reason for ohboyitsthisthreadagain.jpg and I don't fucking have it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 05:11:00 No.29494895 Report

Quoted By:

I can also provide lolworthy moments from Frank Miller's "Batman: Year One".

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 05:16:00 No.29495040 Report

Quoted By:

And Superman will have a gay robot sidekick.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 09 Sep 2011 05:27:00 No.29495353 Report

Quoted By:

Good god.
I'd love to see this disastrophy take place.

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