/co/ - Comics & Cartoons » Thread #43437714

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65KiB, 800x513, gotham.jpg

ITT: We pretend we're average citizens of Gotham

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:27:51 No.43437714 View View Reply Original Report

Quoted By: >>43452317 >>43452587 >>43452595 >>43482467

>Be traffic cop in down-town Gotham
>Hear over radio that The Batman has been spotted, and all units are to pursue
>See his bat-cycle speed past me
>I give chase
>Following him, he lets off some EMP or something
>my car flips because I slam on the brakes
>I have two broken arms and a fractured spine

Thanks Batman.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:30:58 No.43437821 Report

Quoted By: >>43440989

>>Joker escapes Arkham
>>Laughing gas kills my family
>>Batman sticks him back into Arkham instead of killing him
>>Joker escapes again

Thanks Batman.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:34:14 No.43437951 Report

Quoted By: >>43438241 >>43474335

>Joker escapes Arkham
>Batman captures him and puts him back in Arkham instead of killing him
>Joker offers me money to help him escape
>I'm broke as shit so why the hell not?
>He stabs me in the dick as he's escaping

Thanks, Batman.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:34:50 No.43437979 Report

Quoted By: >>43440333 >>43452905

>Be seven years old
>walking streets at night, headed home from store
>See thugs in alley beating up a guy
>Batman swoops in ans saves the dude
>Tell my friends and everyone at school about it
>They don't believe me
>Can't prove I
>They call me batfag now

Thanks Batman

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:36:44 No.43438055 Report

Quoted By: >>43438309

>be henching for the riddler
>bitch wont shut the fuck up with riddles
>usually get them right because i started reading riddle books since i started working for this nutjob
>riddler starts asking harder riddles
>keep answering them correctly
>riddler out of nowhere claims i'm batman and beats the shit out of me

THANKS BATMAN

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:38:51 No.43438141 Report

Quoted By: >>43439092

>Work at high end store
>The Penguin walks in and starts shooting up the place because we carried a faux-penguin fur bag
>Batman comes in, destroys the entire store fighting penguin's thugs
>Every piece of merchandise is ruined
>Boss comes in, yells at me because the security cameras were cut and blames me for it
>fires me, sues me for damage and I lose the court case
>Now I'm homeless

Thanks Batman.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:39:08 No.43438150 Report

Quoted By: >>43438918 >>43481858

>Enjoy taking strolls at night
>Like stargazing, etc.
>Walking past First Gotham General
>Door crashes open
>Two-Face's thugs run out with a bunch of bags of cash
>I'm staring at them, dumbfounded
>Suddenly, fucking Batman swoops down behind me
>Thinks I'm part of the robbery
>Beats the living shit out of me
>Broken arm, six broken ribs, shattered kneecap, hairline skull fracture
>Family nearly goes broke from medical fees

THANKS, BATMAN

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:39:35 No.43438163 Report

Quoted By: >>43444299

>Deduce Batman & Robin's identity
>Robin no longer is fighting crime with Batman
>Notice Batman is acting really crazy
>Offer to be his sidekick
>We kick ass
>A few years later my dad is killed by some random boomerang throwing asshole
>Stepmom goes crazy
>Batman decides to adopt me
>Turns out the dude has a kid already and he's fucking insane and tries to kill me
>Batman makes this asshole Robin and ditches me

Thanks Batman.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:41:33 No.43438237 Report

Quoted By: >>43460826

>Be working the night shift at 7-11
>Suddenly some goons in clown makeup come in
>They look like they've been through the ringer
>One grabs me and puts a shotgun to my head, yelling out the store that he'll "do it!"
>Both of them are dropped by projectiles to their head and that one guy saunters up
>The one that doesn't have a cape, or much of a mask at all, Nightwing
>He cuffs them, asks if I'm okay then quickly leaves
>Can't help but stare at that ass
Thanks, Nightwing, for making me question my sexuality.

Holmlock_Shears

Holmlock_Shears Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:41:40 No.43438241 Report

Quoted By:

>>43437951
Wait, how is that anyone's fault but your own?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:42:45 No.43438286 Report

Quoted By: >>43439560

>Walking home from work
>I get stabbed by a common thug
>No one is there to save me
>Just a relatively petty crime in a city of super villains
>Die

Thanks, Batman.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:43:21 No.43438309 Report

Quoted By:

>>43438055
>Riddler
>Beating the shit out of anyone
So, you're a pussy.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:43:25 No.43438312 Report

Quoted By: >>43456133

>Be cop in Gotham, trying to chase after some robbers running away from a jewelry theft
>All of a sudden some incredibly fit guy wearing this super tight body-suit jumps down from a fire escape and knocks both of them out
>As he bends over the handcuff them I notice his ridiculously perfect ass
>Turns around, looks at me, winks and for some reason does a backflip away
>Panties soaked, uncomfortable as fuck for the rest of my shift
Th-thanks Nightwing

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:44:21 No.43438345 Report

Quoted By: >>43442808 >>43452478

>be lawyer
>the dirtiest lawyer
>so dirty I make Saul Goodman look like the guy who represented Rosa Parks
>up to my nose in unlawful apprehension and assault by a costumed individual cases
>always win since I'm golf buddies with a dozen different judges
>Joker even sends me non-poisoned christmas card every year

Thanks Batman!

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:45:24 No.43438392 Report

Quoted By: >>43438426 >>43453283

>be caught by gang on the streets
>sold to some big time crime syndicate
>don't know who's running it but they're big time
>massive people trafficking operation
>Batman is going to take weeks to find us for the sake of narrative structure
>meanwhile we're being used as servants and sex slaves
>every night I cry myself to sleep whispering "please save us Superman"
>ofc he hears
>he does nothing
>fuck this gay earth

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:46:04 No.43438426 Report

Quoted By:

>>43438392
best one yet

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:46:41 No.43438448 Report

Quoted By:

>be a plant geneticist at Gotham Labs
>Poison Ivy seduces me, steals my formulas
>Batman confronts me later, demands I create an antidote
>I get paid overtime for staying late

Fuck yeah Batman.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:47:01 No.43438461 Report

Quoted By: >>43452496

>Walking home from store, had to get some milk
>Just as I walk around a corner, some guy wearing a fishbowl on his head runs by
>Slip on ice
>Middle of fucking summer
>Batman leaps over me
>Milk jug broke open

Thanks Batman

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:48:14 No.43438504 Report

Quoted By: >>43438935

>Going visit family out of town
>been waiting for this trip or some time
>Walk out to my car
>Car is crushed by a rock
>Like, a HUGE rock

Thanks Batman

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:48:22 No.43438514 Report

Quoted By: >>43440127

>>Date with hot girl
>>She asks to be excused, doesn't come back
>>Wallet gone, omfg it's Catwoman I hope Batman catches her one day
>>Look out my window, Batman's fucking her

Thanks Batman.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:48:41 No.43438527 Report

Quoted By: >>43438892 >>43465391

>Own best construction site in Gotham
>Crazy ass fights between supervillains and Batplanes constantly wrecking the city
>Batman throws them all in Arkham Asylum
>Every week they blow the shit out of a few walls and escape
>Guess who they call to repair all the damage?

Thanks Batman!

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:49:16 No.43438554 Report

Quoted By: >>43438831 >>43465452

>Decide to take my girl out to the movies
>We feel like catching a classic, so we check out this Zorro picture
>We're the only ones in the audience
>While we're trying to make out, I swear I hear someone sobbing somewhere in the theater
>Still can't see anyone, but they're crying like a bitch
What the fuck, Gotham?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:51:16 No.43438648 Report

Quoted By: >>43452520

>Be guard at Arkham
>Place if fucking crazy but pay is good
>Massive break out
>See Joker
>Stabs me and breaks my ribs
>Batman comes in and tells me help is on the way, runs off after Joker
>Medics never arrive too busy with the other crazies
>Die

Thanks Batman

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:52:13 No.43438685 Report

Quoted By:

>Walking home from school
>Joker pulls up in his car
>Says he'll give me a fiver if I watch it for him
>Joker robs a bank
>Hands me five $100 bills

Thanks Mistah J!

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:55:28 No.43438831 Report

Quoted By: >>43465452

>>43438554
Ghosts, man.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:57:06 No.43438892 Report

Quoted By:

>>43438527
Are you being sincere because you'd be fucking loaded or are you complaining about the work?

captcha: heavhi existing

Kind Storyteller

Kind Storyteller Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:57:35 No.43438918 Report

Quoted By:

>>43438150
I find this rather realistic for any superhero.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:57:59 No.43438935 Report

Quoted By: >>43439216

>>43438504
huh?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 09:59:53 No.43439016 Report

Quoted By: >>43455314

>Be taxi driver
>Driving some guy in clown makeup and a purple suit down to the Aqueducts
>recently moved from Bludhaven, so I'm not really used to all this crime
>gets out, throws some green gas shit in my car cackling like a hyena
>giant scaly man throws a massive rock at my car
> sit on curb of the road, airing out my car and not breathing in the gas
>Man in a cowl swoops by and kicks their asses
>notice Nightwing is with him

Thanks Nightwing and Cowl Man!

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:00:17 No.43439030 Report

Quoted By: >>43453145 >>43456311 >>43456424

>be engineer
>quit to try and make my dream of being a stand up comedian happen
>fail miserably because gotham has no sense of humor
>forced to turn to thievery to support my pregnant wife
>wife and unborn child dies
>i'm forced to go along with the plan by my other 2 accomplices
>wear stupid costume
>get caught by guards and that masked vigilante known as Batman
>try to run away but Batman is way too terrifying so I fall into a vat of chemicals

Thanks, Batboy!

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:01:48 No.43439092 Report

Quoted By: >>43452937

>>43438141
>penguins
>fur

Penguins are birds, fuckwad. They have a dense feather covering that is fluffy and fur-like in appearance as babies.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:05:01 No.43439216 Report

Quoted By: >>43469719

>>43438935
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYgJ5oTccWY

I did it wrong anyway.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:05:11 No.43439224 Report

Quoted By: >>43439456

>live in gotham
>my adopted older brothers are a joker
>my dad doesn't really want me in the family bussiness
>the butl-i mean, the maid and my dad's ladyfriends keep pestering me about things
>my dad and my mom are separated, i barely see her anymore
>have undergone way too many major surgeries for someone my age

all thanks to batman

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:08:12 No.43439336 Report

Quoted By:

>Move to Metropolis.
> Got a job as a security guard at Lexcorp.
> No more Batman troubles for this guy!
>What could possibly go wrong?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:08:40 No.43439353 Report

Quoted By: >>43455314

>Move to Gotham for work
>Place is fucking full of psycho's
>Walking out one day it's my one day off
>Huge fucking creature jumps out of sewer and starts wrecking shit
>Crazy guy is costume with a cape jumps from a rooftop and fights it back into sewer
>Everyone walks around like it's normal

What the fucking shit Gotham?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:10:26 No.43439421 Report

Quoted By: >>43439563

>be a waiter
>restaurant is owned by penguin
>rich people come all the times
>they never tip
>every once in a while batman shows up to interrogate the boss
>it's always the same thing "hurr, i know you're behind this, cobblepot!" "durr, am not! but i can give you a couple cryptic hints as to who is behind it, because nothing happens in the criminal underworld without me knowing about it."
>afterwards penguin closes the place for a few days, just to be sure
>we don't get paid for those missing days

i'm thinking of henching for some other villain just to make end meets. any suggestions?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:10:28 No.43439423 Report

Quoted By: >>43439727

Ok, so here i am, your average clean up guy, right?
My Job sucks. You know it, I know, everybody knows it
Even Worse, here i am in New York, where there are just Skyscrapers and building everywhere. Just waiting for something to hit them and topple over, just like Dominoes.
And wouldnt you know it, some new Aliens decide to invade. Not Chicago, not London, not LA or Topeka Fucking Kansas, NO, NEW YORK, NEW YORK, every fucking time
So Naturally, who comes to save us, but the Avengers. Now I respect em and all, met Cap once, he's a pretty cool guy. But the Hulk. The Fucking Hulk. Starts jumping onto those Skyscrapers, sending thousands of shards of glass down onto the street, starts tearing off Pieces of Concrete and hurling em, back behind him. Where do you think they go, asshole? Think they just float off into Space and all? No. They fall 30 stories to the ground, and if we're lucky enough that it doesnt up and squish somebody, it dents the fucking street into a crater the size of the ones on the moon, or crushes Cars and other things. Thats great. Thats already a bundle of fun to pick up. But Oh look, not half the fucking Skyscraper is falling, because Iron Man shot through its support Beams

I hate Mondays

Dr.Robotussin

Dr.Robotussin Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:11:06 No.43439446 Report

Quoted By:

>Finally get enough money to move out of Gotham.
>Move to Detroit.
>It's even worse.
>At lest it's not Ohio.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:11:26 No.43439456 Report

Quoted By:

>>43439224

Master Damian, I do believe it's past your bedtime.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:13:36 No.43439541 Report

Quoted By: >>43455314

>Feeling pretty down. Go out for a stroll, no idea where to go. Just walking
>Suddenly it starts fucking snowing.
>Just... Just snowing out of nowhere.
>Pick up a clump of it, and almost on instinct roll it into a snowball.
>Get hit in the face by snowball out of nowhere.
>Look over, people are getting into a huge snowball fight and assumed I wanted to join.
>Reflexively, I throw the ball in my hand. Spend the next few hours in a childlike haze as I relive my time on my grandmothers farm.
>Walk back home late at night, idly thumbing a napkin with the number of some cute girl I met in the fight. Collapse on couch, exhausted, but smiling.
>Television says the freak snowstorm was Mr. Freeze doing something for an anniversary for his wife.
>Raise a glass of hot coco to toast the man.

Thanks, Freeze.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:14:03 No.43439560 Report

Quoted By: >>43442497 >>43479804

>>43438286

then how did you type all that?

Liar

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:14:06 No.43439563 Report

Quoted By:

>>43439421
Word on the street is that Frieze is pretty cool.

Riddler is pretty nice, if you can stand those godawful riddles.

Two-Face is alright, but you'll end up being more muscle and probably end up with a lot of racketeering.

Never go with Joker. Ever.

Honestly, someone used to a posh place like Penguin's would be best with Riddler. Not too much shooting or strongarming, he does most of the work thinking up that shit, you usually just go on errands setting the stuff up.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:18:46 No.43439727 Report

Quoted By: >>43439802

>>43439423
What the fuck is a Hulk?

He a part of the Justice League?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:20:34 No.43439802 Report

Quoted By: >>43439825 >>43439956

>>43439727

b-but...I said Avengers...

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:21:13 No.43439825 Report

Quoted By:

>>43439802
YOU CAME TO THE WRONG UNIVERSE MOTHERFUCKER

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:24:32 No.43439956 Report

Quoted By:

>>43439802
Who? Anyways

>Own an amusement park
>It's successful, I'm finally making money and I'm happy
>One night Joker comes in with a bunch of thugs
>Security can't stop them
>Batman shows up
>Destroy the place while fighting the Joker
>Ferris wheel is literally set on FIRE during the fight
>Batman takes Joker to Arkham and leaves my place in ruin
>Wayne Foundation saves my ass and rebuilds the place for free

Fuck you Batman, thank you Bruce Wayne!

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:28:01 No.43440081 Report

Quoted By:

>be a student at Gotham Uni
>walking home from school
>am stopped by this guy in a sharp suit
>kinda looks like Bruce Wayne, but not quite
>he gives me a bag and asks me if I want easy money
>I say that depends on what the money is for
>look in the bag, he says
>there's spray paint of all colors
>the man says he's paying me to make graffitis all over the city
>he's paying a thousand dollars per graffiti
>I take him on the offer
>graffiti "zurr-en-arr" like a hundred times
>the man pays me
>suddenly I have enough money to buy a house, a car and pay my student loans, plus extra
>months later I see the man on TV
>he was Thomas Wayne, pressumed dead

Here's to you, Mr. Wayne

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:29:17 No.43440127 Report

Quoted By:

>>43438514
>Family moved to Gotham several years ago
>Been a stressful year trying to find an employer who's not crooked and can still give me a middle-class wage
>Try to make the best of it- it's nearing Christmas, I should get a tree for my family
>Get the smallest one they've got
>Lug that fucker up three flights of stairs alone, covered in pine sap but it's worth it
>Get it all dressed up in lights and decorations
>Get a fire started with some seriously overpriced firewood
>Everybody sitting around drinking cocoa relaxing for the first time in months
>Suddenly police bashing down our door, dousing our fire and ripping the lights off our tree
>Apparently some asshole (don't know which one, Poison Ivy, Joker, Calendar Man? pick one) thought it would be a great idea to cover all the pine trees in Gotham with chemicals which become airborne and poisonous in heated, enclosed spaces
>My family and I are getting the hell out of here immediately come the New Year

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:29:33 No.43440135 Report

Quoted By: >>43484214

>Livin' in Gotham. Trying to make a living by doing work in the sewer.
>Cleaning out all the leftover Joker Venom that seeped in from the last punchup he had with Bats.
>Notice something in water.
>Fuck. It's Croc.
>Whelp, I've lived a good life. Maybe he'll shit out enough of me that they can fill most of a casket.
>Croc looks at me, looks at the cleaning pump I'm using, still on and sucking the poison out of the sewage.
>He sighs. Just let's out this big, theatrical sigh, and asks me "How much longer is this gonna' take?"
>Scared out of my fucking mind, I just barely answer back "Gimme ten minutes, I'll clear a path so you can get back to doing what you were doing."
>He shrugs, pulls up next to me, and waits. Just waits. Sometimes says something like "Joker venom in the sewers, gotta' be a Tuesday, right?" but doesn't say much else till I finish.
>Path cleared he thanks me and goes down the path, swimming by me like I wasn't even there. I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding, and nearly collapse. I thought I had made it.
>Then the sounds of a fight breaks out and a Bat-flare shoots into the poison, igniting it.
>Now have third degree burns on most of body and will smell like shit for rest of life.

Thanks, Batman.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:33:26 No.43440278 Report

Quoted By:

>see Harley Quinn
>get erection
why boner?

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:33:39 No.43440284 Report

Quoted By:

>tfw Batman solves all your traps
>tfw he solves a rubix cube right in front of you

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:34:48 No.43440333 Report

Quoted By:

>>43437979
>Batfag
This got me pretty hard. Goddamn lowbrow humor.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:40:21 No.43440543 Report

Quoted By:

>be a young athletic boy
>parents die
>bruce wayne shows up at the funeral
>he keeps looking at me throughout it
>comes up to me afterwards
>asks me to come live with him completely out of the blue
>tell him no thanks
>on the way to the orphanage in a taxi
>suddenly a black figure crashes onto the hood
>taxi driver stops, jumps out of the car and runs
>I get out and run away as fast as possible
>grabbed from behind
>it's Batman
>knocks me out with some gas
>wake up in a cave dressed in red and yellow spandex crying
>Batman looming over me
>tells me I'm his new Robin

Thanks Batman

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:41:17 No.43440578 Report

Quoted By:

>wake up a bit late, gotta get to work at the bank on time
>show up a little late, no big deal
>suddenly, Poison Ivy shows up and robs the place
>takes control of me using some magic plant shit
>batman comes
>thank god, batman will help
>run towards him, trying to thank him with my fists just so happening to be clenched
>batman beats the shit out of me
>eh, whatever, time to go home
>walk outside to get to my car
>suddenly, batman jumps on my car, then soon jumps away
>Mr. Freeze fires a blast of ice, freezing my car solid
>eh, I'll take the bus
>finally find a bus to get on
>suddenly, entire bus is lifted
>Bane lifts the bus up and throws it at batman
>I break both my arms
>eh, I guess I'll walk home
>walking home
>run into my parents who I hadn't seen in years
>suddenly, mugger comes and kills my parents
>batman is no where to be seen

fucking batman

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO spider-man-and-batman-1.jpg, 354KiB, 906x1435

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:42:33 No.43440630 Report

Quoted By: >>43440830

>Go to Gotham on vacation.

>meet greatest childhood hero.

>tells me I'm pretty.

>Treats me to a wonderful date around the town/

>Dumps me in an alley like yesterday's condom because I'm too "Common" for him.

>Go back home to daddy and ask him to forgive me for being so dumb.

>Calls me a stupid whore for trusting a clown
;_;

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:42:50 No.43440641 Report

Quoted By:

>work for chemical company
>in gotham on buisness
>Lab says they've developed a new freezing agent that could revolutionize frozen foods
>inspecting it everything seems fine
>suddenly some freak in a space suit with an ice gun busts in
>freezes my from the knees down
>batman shows up
>Frieze starts runing
>batman says cops/medics will be there shortly
>takes off
>loose both my legs to frost bite
>luckly the owner of our parent company Bruce Wayne bought us all the best prosthetics money can buy

Thanks Batman, thank god for real heroes like Bruce Wayne.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:43:01 No.43440647 Report

Quoted By: >>43440802

>Be the director of a factory
>Close factory and fire everyone to hire chinese kids in the near future to do more profit
>Try to reopen the factory
>A clown and some guys now occupy it and won't leave

What the fuck Gotham City

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:44:01 No.43440686 Report

Quoted By:

>Get a job at a swanky hotel
>Manager is a fucking douche to everyone
>One night Bruce Wayne comes in with two hookers
>They use the pool and the douche Manager tells him the pool isn't for swimming
>Wayne buys the Hotel just to shut him the fuck up
>We all think that shit was cash.
>Next day we all lose jobs because Wayne Enterprises has better ideas for the Hotel.

Thanks Bruce Wayne.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:47:06 No.43440802 Report

Quoted By:

>>43440647

>Be contractor
>create tons of buildings and factories
>nobody trusts me, everyone abandons the things I make
>decide to kill myself out of sheer failure
>decide to watch the news one last time
>Joker gets caught by Batman in the building I made
>more and more criminals get caught in the buildings I make
>my life's work has a meaning

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:47:59 No.43440830 Report

Quoted By:

>>43440630
stop trusting clowns stupid

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:48:03 No.43440831 Report

Quoted By: >>43441031 >>43441115 >>43455314

>Be a 8 years old kid
>Go see the new Avengers movie with my parents
>We chose to watch it in the most dangerous street of the city
>A mugger arrives and tries to grab my mom's bracelet
>My parents are dead
>Remember I hated cockroaches under my bed
>Becomes Roachman

What the fuck Gotham

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:48:13 No.43440841 Report

Quoted By: >>43452847

>Father was an alcoholic
>He beat me until I moved out at 17
>I killed him and burned the place to the ground
>Joined a gang
>We mostly did petty theft
>Moved into murder and human trafficking
>Did a few jobs for some of the big names (Two-Face for one)
>Thinking of stepping out into my own

Help me out guys. What should my motif be? I want to run this city.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:48:21 No.43440845 Report

Quoted By: >>43440969

>police officer
>Just get out of being trapped in the sewers for days
>everyone bunching into a narrow street
>be at the front
>Bane and his men and guns guns guns
>"Oh shit Im dead"
>can't back away, crowd to scrunched
>idiot captain goes "Theres only one police in Gotham" whole crow screams and charges
>"fuck fuck I'm dead I'm?"
>running up to a merc shooting his AK at me a few feet away. Dont feel a thing.
>Batman switched half the ammo of banes men with blanks

FUCKING THANK YOU BATMAN

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:52:03 No.43440969 Report

Quoted By:

>>43440845
So that's what happened. I guess batman also mustve stolen their knives and machetes as well.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:52:42 No.43440989 Report

Quoted By: >>43441601

>>43437821
You misspelled 'Justice System'. Because, you know. Batman isn't the one who passes the sentence.

>be average joe on way home from work
>dragged into alley and mugged at knifepoint
>suddenly a shadow above!
>it's... Superman?
>Superman fucks off in the direction of Metropolis
>lose all my cash and get a knock on the head
Thanks Superman.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:53:51 No.43441026 Report

Quoted By: >>43454685

>Be a mexican immigrant
>Travel to Gotham City because they have work
>Work as a construction worker for a billionaire
>Is this the american dream?
>Accomodate the cave under his manor
>Be buried under it with my team when it's done

What the fuck Gotham

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:53:56 No.43441031 Report

Quoted By:

>>43440831
ohgodmysides.jpeg

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:55:41 No.43441086 Report

Quoted By: >>43455314

>Walking down the street
>Killer Croc comes smashing through a wall
>Batman in hot pursuit
>Croc hucks a car at Batman
>Batman ducks
>Manages to pull me out of the way of the car too
>Gets pushed aside
>Fighting ensues; I run away
>Go three blocks down, round the corner
> Calendar Man is doing something.
>I'm now in his way.
>Get shot while Batman's fighting Croc by CALENDER MAN.
>Spirit rises from body
>Don't know where to go
>A guy in a bright red suit shows up
>Pale as hell, but otherwise a nice guy
>He gives me a few pointers
>I move on to the afterlife

THANKS DEADMAN.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:56:29 No.43441111 Report

Quoted By: >>43456904

>be 8 years old
>huge fan of batman
>watch the latest movie with my family
>kid with guns busts into the movie theater and starts shooting at the audience
>parents are dead
Thanks batman
I'm sure it's likely that superhero movies would still exist in a superhero world

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1311949083856.jpg, 80KiB, 486x409

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:56:39 No.43441115 Report

Quoted By:

>>43440831

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 10:57:59 No.43441167 Report

Quoted By: >>43441268 >>43441314 >>43441678 >>43442892

>Why dont i just fucking move out of the city again?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:00:15 No.43441252 Report

Quoted By:

>Be security guard in jewelry store
>Break in, the fucking Joker
>Get stabbed a dozen times before Batman gets their
>Die
>Girl that can't be older than my daughter walks up
>Pale as fuck skin, wearing what I think is a little ankh on her neck
>She's actually chill as fuck
>We shoot the shit as Batman busts into the window
>She lets me stay to see what happens
>Pulls out a bag of popcorn from nowhere
>We watch the two fight while munching on snacks and chatting

Nicest person I meet my whole life doesn't show up until after I'm dead.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:00:41 No.43441268 Report

Quoted By:

>>43441167
because in Gotham you know you have a job because everyone is either getting killed or places are getting wrecked

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:02:21 No.43441314 Report

Quoted By:

>>43441167
/thread

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:04:25 No.43441377 Report

Quoted By:

>Become a supervillain because I stumbled and fell in the experience in chemistry class
>Try to rob a bank, get caught by the batman
>Try to rob a jewelry shop, get caught by the brat wonder
>Try to rob a museum, get caught by Batgirl
>Had enough, want to move to a city with no superhero
>There must be plenty of them
>My... my hips, they are moving by themselves!
>Be back in Gotham

What the fuck Gotham?

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO Super Implying Man.jpg, 91KiB, 240x289

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:09:38 No.43441524 Report

Quoted By: >>43441550 >>43441611 >>43454583

Metropolisfag here, why don't you guys just leave?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:10:32 No.43441550 Report

Quoted By: >>43454583

>>43441524
>2012
>even living in America at all

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:12:07 No.43441601 Report

Quoted By: >>43441742

>>43440989
>at home with my husband
>Joker breaks in, butchers my husband with a knife, makes me watch
>starts coming after me
>OH GOD HELP ME
>Suddenly Batman
>beats Joker's face in and hands him over to the cops
>crying sitting outside with police
>Batman shows up again
>tells me he's sorry and he wishes he could have saved my husband
>disappears into night
>4 months later, at trial
>Not Guilty by reason of insanity
>what the fuck justice system
>ten years later, jury duty
>"Have any of you had previous experiences with either the vigilante Batman or the man known as Joker"
>raise my hand
>dismissed from jury selection
>3 weeks later, news: Joker: Not Guilty, Insanity
And that's how that shit keeps on happening.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:12:22 No.43441611 Report

Quoted By: >>43441640

>>43441524
Because living with a bunch of freaks is still better than living in the shadow of some horrifying alien god that can't be defeated.

Seriously, an unstoppable monster claims it wants to help us? I'm not buying it, you crazy freak. What's going to happen if you decide that you want to be the next emperor, who would fucking stop you? At least you know where you lie with Two-Face or Joker, they aren't trying to pretend to be nice, and the Bats is still only human.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:13:09 No.43441631 Report

Quoted By: >>43456961

>be cop
>work under Jim Gordon
>all I can think about his licking his ass

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:13:20 No.43441640 Report

Quoted By: >>43441951

>>43441611
Sup Lex

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:14:54 No.43441678 Report

Quoted By:

>>43441167

>Tired of Gotham's shit so I move to Keystone City
>Everyone is always running around at Sanic speed
>Nothing I do is fast enough for anybody
>Driving to work one day, asshole behind me is honking his horn because I'm not 20mph over the speed limit or some shit
>Slam on brakes because some douchebag in a bright blue eskimo suit freezes the road and runs away
>Suddenly, I see a red blur of lightning go through my car or something
>My car explodes

Thanks Flash

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:17:37 No.43441742 Report

Quoted By: >>43442123

>>43441601

Where do they even keep finding these impartial jurors? I've had two girlfriends, a cousin, and a pet iguana killed by the Joker. Pretty much everyone else I know that hasn't been shot in the face by a clown is in the same situation.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:20:03 No.43441823 Report

Quoted By:

Is someone saving all of this?

>First day moving into a small apartment in Gotham.
>Pretty shitty, but it's all I could afford.
>About turn off the light for bed.
>Hear a loud crash like a window breaking in the room over.
>Hear a gruff voice and another with a sly attitude.
>I see a small cloud sneak out from under the wall.
>Suddenly I see spiders coming in at me from all sides.
>I huddle into a ball at the corner of my bed as they come closer and closer.
>I can feel them all over my legs.
>My vision is blocked out.
>Find myself in a hospital the next day, still trying to overcome the terror.

Thanks Batman.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:21:26 No.43441866 Report

Quoted By:

Guys, sometimes I walk down a certains street at night because I hear criminals never go there. When I do, sometimes I see a shirtless guy in an overcoat sneaking around, followed by a faint "Bueno..."

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:24:04 No.43441939 Report

Quoted By:

>Be a regular thug
>Serve Ra's Al Ghul because of family traditions
>Working for him in Gotham
>Batman beats up all my friends one night
>Find myself above city hanging from a rooftop with Batman questioning me
>Scared as shit because I've heard horror stories about how he gets info out of people
>Wonder Woman and Superman show up
>thankgod.jpg
>Wonder Woman uses her lasso shit on me and I spill the beans about Ra's but I don't give a fuck because I wasn't tortured by Batfreak
>Batman punches me in the face anyway and breaks my jaw

Thanks Batman

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:24:31 No.43441951 Report

Quoted By: >>43444182

>>43441640
Nah, but I voted for him in the last election.

He's the only guy out there who doesn't have his head up the ass, deluded by this "caped crusader" bullshit.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:25:31 No.43441980 Report

Quoted By: >>43442012

>Go to drink at Noonan's
>Sean's Dead
>cry

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:26:30 No.43442012 Report

Quoted By: >>43442151

>>43441980
Noonan's is on the street where I hear that "Bueno" guy runs around.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:27:09 No.43442029 Report

Quoted By: >>43442101

>>43441667
>Be forcibly conscripted into my country's army
>Training consisted of looking at guns as my superior officer sold them to an arms dealer
>Get posted to presidential palace
>Best friend gets mauled to death by despot's son for looking at the son's collection of European sex slaves
>Life is a nightmare of paranoia and fear of the cruel whims of the ruling elite
>Suddenly a fifty mile long ship blows up half the palace, superhumans pouring out
>I hide, once the fighting is over I will escape this nightmare and return to my village
>Laughing man in gimp suit busts through the wall and rips my genitals off
>Jams a bag full of grenades up my ass then throws me at my comrades
>Die
>Go to heaven
>Eurotrash guy with goggles pulls my soul from heaven
>He binds my soul, along with all the souls of those men who made my, and my fellow conscripts, life hell
>Spend an eternity powering a heroin addict's prostate stimulator

Thanks Authority

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:29:22 No.43442101 Report

Quoted By:

>>43442029

>Live in Italy
>Minding my own business
>Suddenly,

...

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:30:04 No.43442123 Report

Quoted By: >>43442152

>>43441742
Gotham sure loves iguana's.
So do I,

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:30:45 No.43442151 Report

Quoted By: >>43442186

>>43442012
Bueno's Sixpack's old buddy.
Swell guy.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:30:46 No.43442152 Report

Quoted By:

>>43442123
**iguanas
Why did I put that apostrophe?

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO awkward moment at the EU.jpg, 12KiB, 243x251

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:31:45 No.43442186 Report

Quoted By: >>43442217

>>43442151
What's he like in action?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:32:39 No.43442217 Report

Quoted By: >>43442243

>>43442186
What do you mean?
He just comes in to drink sometimes.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:33:27 No.43442243 Report

Quoted By: >>43442273

>>43442217
I meant Bueno.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:34:26 No.43442268 Report

Quoted By: >>43442473 >>43455314

>Move to Metropolis
>Get a job as a receptionist at lexcorp
>One day minding own buisness
>Man dressed like a gay batman comes flying through the window angsting abow nature of man
>Boss breaks through floor in giant mech suit, killing numerous work buds
>"It's over, Luthor!"
>Gay Batman grabs lex and throws him into nearby building
>Meanwhile sees me running away
>Uses laser vision ti slice off feet
>Gayman realizes he made a mistake and flies me off telling me sorry
>Dumps me off at random beach, leaving me to die
>Some sort of faggot dressed like a mermaid walks out of the water whining about fish
>Tell him he looks fucking stupid
>Stabs me in my eye with his hook hand and runs away
>Blind, bleeding to death and at a random beach alone

Thanks Lex

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:34:40 No.43442273 Report

Quoted By:

>>43442243
Yea.
He's just a guy that comes into drink.
Wait... do you believe Sixpack when he rants about his superhero antics?

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1335844787901.png, 142KiB, 249x378

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:35:19 No.43442294 Report

Quoted By:

>This thread

I love you guys

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:38:22 No.43442363 Report

Quoted By:

>Minding own buisness
>Suddenly, earthquake!
>Get saved by superman
>Flies off
>Two minutes later hear a scream as he starts flying faster around the earth
>See entire life flash before eyes
>All of a sudden, Im back where I was 5 minutes ago
>Earthquake happens but supes doesnt save me this time
>Get crushed by falling L from LexCorp

Thnx Superman

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1353939598093.jpg, 211KiB, 533x800

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:38:45 No.43442380 Report

Quoted By: >>43443011

>Go for a walk in a park
>Lesbians everywhere
>So distracted, a mugger grabs my purse and runs
>Go to polcie station to report a crime
>Lesbians everywhere
>Talk to lead lesbian and go home, pass 50 lesbian bars on the way.
>Wonder when I moved to Themyscira.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:42:18 No.43442473 Report

Quoted By: >>43442633

>>43442268

>Trash-talking the motherfucking King of Atlantis

Yeah you deserved what you got bro.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:43:38 No.43442497 Report

Quoted By:

>>43439560
the answer is 2spooky4u

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:49:05 No.43442633 Report

Quoted By:

>>43442473
How the fuck did I know it was AQUAMAN

He was dressing so flamboyantly he couldve been reverse flash

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:52:50 No.43442737 Report

Quoted By: >>43442794

>At the beach with my girlfriend.
>Having a great time.
>Suddenly a bug-eyed Darth Vader comes flying out of the water.
>Followed by some blonde fag wearing a shirt made of orange scales.
>Where the fuck do you find orange scales?
>Scuba-Vader grabs my girlfriend and puts a harpoon up to her neck, threatening to kill her.
>Fish-Fag sits stands there and does nothing.
>Suddenly a transparent Hierophant Green comes out of nowhere and manages to disarm and take down Scuba-Vader in a matter of moments.

Thanks Black-Haired Green Lantern!

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO two-face.jpg, 15KiB, 182x276

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:53:09 No.43442744 Report

Quoted By:

>>43442694
You tryin' to double cross us?

NOBODY double crosses Two-Face.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:54:43 No.43442783 Report

Quoted By:

Is there anyone screen capping all of this?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:55:12 No.43442794 Report

Quoted By: >>43442867

>>43442737
> transparent Hierophant Green
I like you.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:55:30 No.43442808 Report

Quoted By:

>Be Public Procecutor
>Tries my best to clean up Gotham, one case at a time.
>Can never build a case 'cause some nutbag in a bat suit is making the job a joke for the asshole in:
>>43438345
>At most, get the most obviously crazy ones thrown in Arkham Asylum for about an hour.
>Drink
>Drink
>Drink

Fuck you, Batman

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:57:33 No.43442867 Report

Quoted By:

>>43442794
I'm glad someone liked that.
I was trying to think, "What would Kyle Rayner make in this situation?" Then I said "Fuck it," and picked the first green Stand that came to mind.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 11:58:35 No.43442892 Report

Quoted By:

>>43441167
Gotham won't let you go.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 12:02:33 No.43443011 Report

Quoted By:

>>43442380
They're fucking EVERYWHERE!

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 12:17:03 No.43443371 Report

Quoted By:

Well it didn't seem like anyone was already doing it, so I took the liberty of saving everything I could.
>37 files
Yeah. . .I'll put those together whenever I get the chance.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 12:31:56 No.43443726 Report

Quoted By:

>>43443627
>38 files
Fuck you I'm going to bed.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO hench.png, 63KiB, 220x200

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 12:31:57 No.43443728 Report

Quoted By: >>43444287 >>43444296 >>43444491 >>43456010 >>43475408

Alright youse guys listen up alright?

I been in dis line of work goin on 12 years now an' in all dat time I nevah worked for a nicer guy then Mr Freeze. I henched for a lotta guys - Two Face'll make ya flip for every bit a loot, Penguin's always lookin' down on us workin' stiffs, and Joker? F'get about i! You gotta be crazy to work for the clown.

But Freeze? Man, he treats his henchmen like we're freakin' family or somethin', y'know? You get hurt on a job, he'll let ya take a coupl'a days off 'till your feelin' better. Loan sharks givin' you and your family a hard time, Vic'll give ya some extra loot so's you can get things squared away. An all the while the poor guy's working 12, 14 hours a day tryin' ta fix up his sick wife. Poor guy just gives, gives, gives - pours his heart out and never asks for anything in return.

He gets to know his guys too, he takes an interest, our problems are his problems - y'know? Like me I got this little girl, ever since her mom died she's been my whole world. Wants to grow up an be a scientist, do research down at Wayne Industries with all the big shots. Can you believe that? 10 years old an' she wants to be a scientist. So anyways, one night on the job we get trapped in this warehouse on the lower East side when da freakin Batman catches up to us. Now all us henches are freakin' out. Nobody wants ta get shipped off ta Blackgate for sure but all us guys got family on the outside. Frankie's got his sick mom, Tommy just got engaged, and me - all I can think about while we're sittin' there waitin' for the Bat to make his move is my poor little girl.

Mr Freeze just looks at us, tells us to look after his wife while he's gone, and walks out to take the Bat on single-handedly while the rest of us make a break for it.

Took us 3 months to break the boss outta Arkham that time - family gotta stick together though, right?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 12:34:39 No.43443813 Report

Quoted By: >>43444720

Hi guys. I'm Killer Moth.

Uh, yeah.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 12:35:48 No.43443845 Report

Quoted By:

>>43443627
Which boy wonder was this?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 12:46:03 No.43444116 Report

Quoted By: >>43458231

>have mental breakdown at work from stress
>flip table, it crushes friends leg, permanently crippled
>feel unbelievable guilt, plead guilty
>they throw me in Arkham anyway
>thankful for chance to rehabilitate
>get bunked with Joker
>spend the next 3 days straight laughing under threat of death
>moved cells, congratulated on amazing lifespan
>thrown in with Bane
>forced to rim him for an entire day
>he gets bored and walks out the front door
>they move me to another cell
>stumble into wall
>it's 2cm of drywall and asbestos
>break through accidentally
>in bank somehow
>confused, traumatized and tired
>Batman throws a bat symbol into my spine
>ambulance comes
>drops me off untreated at Arkham
>spend next month rimming Harley Quinn
Thanks Gotham, it all worked out in the end.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 12:48:15 No.43444179 Report

Quoted By: >>43479320

>born in gotham, lower-middle class family
>graduate high school, average student
>don't get into college, don't have any aspirations, don't know what to do
>find work in local drugstore, solve crossword puzzles on my lunchbreak
>guy in a green suit comes in a few days ago, we shoot the shit a little
>lets me in on the fact that he's Edward Nigma
>offers me a job paying twice as much, all I have to do is help set up some non-lethal traps, I'll be gone before Batman or the police show up

I start Wednesday. What do you guys think?
Honestly, the guy seems pretty cool - Penguin's an asshole, Joker's crazy, Two-face is a crazy asshole. Riddler just has a fetish for puzzles, not my place to judge.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 12:48:25 No.43444182 Report

Quoted By:

>>43441951
>He's the only guy out there who doesn't have his head up the ass
Oh please, Luthor's head is so far up his ass he's folded in himself like a hypercube. Now Senator Finch - THERE'S a man I could see running for the presidency.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1345922503478.png, 5KiB, 601x695

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 12:51:34 No.43444287 Report

Quoted By:

>>43443728
>this would move me to feels, IF I had feels left to move

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO a sad batman.jpg, 19KiB, 400x290

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 12:52:08 No.43444296 Report

Quoted By:

>>43443728
Wow.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 12:52:13 No.43444299 Report

Quoted By:

>>43438163

get over it Tim

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 12:52:42 No.43444312 Report

Quoted By:

>>43444176
Ass, legs, tights, girl, demonic satan spawn?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 12:53:24 No.43444328 Report

Quoted By:

>>43444248
My first job is just setting up some swinging giant scrabble tiles, nothing too bad.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 12:55:13 No.43444375 Report

Quoted By:

>>43444332
Fair enough.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 12:58:37 No.43444466 Report

Quoted By:

> See Best friend dead underneath Joker
> Lose my shit
> Finally, being rational enough to beat Joker to death
> Ex-Commisioner shoots bullets at me and threatens to kill me for trying to kill a killer to teach me that killing is wrong
> Let Joker go
> Joker up to his mischief`s again
Thanks Commissioner.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO willhench.png, 432KiB, 720x480

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 12:59:36 No.43444491 Report

Quoted By: >>43444624 >>43444710

>>43443728
Yeah I've heard good things about Freeze... things is tough lately, if you find a good boss you gotta hold on to em as tight as you can.

Otherwise you'll end up workin' for Joker or somethin

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 13:01:56 No.43444560 Report

Quoted By:

http://archiveofourown.org/works/170920

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 13:04:11 No.43444624 Report

Quoted By:

>>43444491
Look... I'm... I'm not in the whole, scene, y'know? I did some shit as a kid, got tossed in juvie, kept my nose clean after that shit for my ma's sake.

But my cousin, he knows some guys who actually -like- working for Joker. You've got to be a sick motherfucker, he says.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 13:05:29 No.43444665 Report

Quoted By: >>43444878

>Work as a fisherman
>Catch lobster off the coast of Gotham
> A Bad storm causes our boat to capsize
> Aquaman comes and uses his superpowers to get some nearby sharks to rescue the crew
> Aquaman leaves to chase the Weather Wizard, who was behind all this.
> The telepathy wears off and the sharks eat half the crew

What the fuck, Aquaman.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 13:07:10 No.43444710 Report

Quoted By: >>43457416 >>43484287

>>43444491
My advice? Move to Central city.

The Rogues are mostly decent guys to work for and the Flash is less likely to break your spine than the Bat-freak.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 13:07:30 No.43444720 Report

Quoted By:

>>43443813
Ah, jeez. I'm sorry.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 13:10:11 No.43444817 Report

Quoted By:

> Be maintenance man for several buildings in Gotham.
> Keep finding piles of human feces on the roofs of the buildings I maintain.
> Make double sure I lock access doors to roof, clean up mess, and the next time I'm up there, find more shit.
> Who keeps pooping on my rooftops?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 13:11:13 No.43444856 Report

Quoted By:

> Want to be a bigshot
> Get into henching
> Batman comes
> I cause him to fall on a propane explosion, I swear it was an accident!
> The Joker takes out his anger on me
> I somehow escape it all
> It was all Batman all along.
> Am a bigshot in prison for almost killing Batman and making the Joker look bad.

Thanks, Batman!

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 13:11:56 No.43444878 Report

Quoted By:

>>43444665
Oh man, I read about that in the paper.
Aquaman got some shit for like 3 minutes before Luthor tried another power grab and everyone forgot about it.

Your boat was the Time Bandit, right?

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1348962245591.jpg, 157KiB, 680x800

SpoilerClick to view

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 13:12:39 No.43444902 Report

Quoted By:

>Be Photographer
>Working late that day
>Suddenly the motherfucking Joker walks in with a crowbar
>Asks me to take a picture of him with it
>Say no
>He yells DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY and kills me

Fucking batman

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 13:15:27 No.43444975 Report

Quoted By: >>43445036

>>43444941
>Be an autistic black little boy getting raped by pirates
ftfy

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 13:17:36 No.43445036 Report

Quoted By: >>43445159

>>43444975
>Hate Aquaman
> Dress up in robot suit to try to kill him
>Pretend to be autistic just to fuck with him
ftfy

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 13:19:14 No.43445086 Report

Quoted By:

>Parking at the Bank near my house
>Finally find a spot next to some van.
>Barely fit in the space because he parked like an asshole
>As I'm getting out two of Two-Faces goons are walking right in my direction
>They haven't seen me yet
>Shit its their van
>They are close
>Take a risk, peek inside
>One of their masks
>Pop it on
>"What the fuck are you doing still out by the van asshole! Scared the shit out of us standing over by the door. We thought you might be the bat!"
>"I had to take a piss. I couldn't hold it. Sorry man."
>"Next time just fucking piss yourself. Not like anyone in their is going to whine while you have a gun pointed at them. Shit man. Get the fuck inside before the cops show so we can get back to covering the door."
>They practically drag me in through a back entrance of the bank
>Walk around aimlessly with a pistol one of the door guys shoved into my hands
>Fuck I'm going to cry. I don't want this.
>Decide to try to hide in the employee lunch room
>Push the door open
>Someone is standing with their back to me
>They turn
>OH MY FUCKING GOD ITS ROBIN

I woke up THREE fucking days after. Broken femur and a dislocated shoulder. Little fucker toss me like a sack of potatoes right into a vending machine.

Jesus fucking christ.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 13:20:04 No.43445114 Report

Quoted By:

>Halloween, Gotham City
>Costume Party
>Me and Girlfriend go together, me as a Knight and her as a sexy Court Jester
>Batman crashes through the skylight, grabs my girlfriend and starts shouting "Where is he Quinn? WHERE"S JOKER?"
>When we manage to convince him that she's not Harley Quinn, he just grapple lines out of there
>Doesn't apologize
Goddammit Batman, I didn't get laid for week after that.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO Black_Manta.png, 98KiB, 400x300

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 13:21:44 No.43445159 Report

Quoted By:

>>43445036
>Like.
>A
>BOSS.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1339885838965.jpg, 99KiB, 500x323

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 13:22:46 No.43445188 Report

Quoted By: >>43445222

>Working for Captain Boomerang
>It's not great, but it'll do
>Case this huge federal reserve for weeks
>We hit it and are on the way to the hideout
>Flash comes in and it's over in 5 mins.
>He talks to us all and asks us why we do it
>Few months later flash sets me up with a sweet gig at the same place

THANKS FLASH!

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 13:24:22 No.43445222 Report

Quoted By: >>43445443 >>43453083

>>43445188
Oh jeez, that picture's fucking great.
What's it from?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 13:28:57 No.43445340 Report

Quoted By: >>43450781

>I'm a doctor
>Save innocent people all the time
>Batman busts in my door and demands that I save the Joker's laugh.
>I ask if he's joking
>He kicks my ass

Thanks Batman

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 13:33:18 No.43445443 Report

Quoted By:

>>43445222
It's a re-skin from a x-men version with wolverine, colossus, and nightcrawler. Look at kyle's fingers.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 13:42:25 No.43445641 Report

Quoted By:

>Be smalltime crook in Gotham
>Try and rob bank, Batman shows up, beats the crap out of us
>whatelseisnew.jpeg
>get sent to Blackgate, first time in the the Big House
>Scared as fuck
>Cellmate is Bane.
>FUCKING BANE
>Scared initially, but turns out Bane's a pretty cool guy
>Develop friendship, Bane keeps the other thugs from killing me
>One night, Bane receives a dose of Venom in a birthday cake
>Busts out
>takes me with him
>currently working as an unofficial doctor for Gotham's criminal underground
life's good man, life's good

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 13:50:55 No.43445799 Report

Quoted By:

> Work at Wayne Enterprises.
> Make minimum wage at an office in the downtown area.
> Have a nice home and family who understand daddy must work sometime late nights.
> Come home one day and find door ajar.
> HA! HA! HA! written all over the walls. Find entire family dead with ghastly grins on faces.
> Find out the Joker decided that my home would be his that night.
> Batman later nabs the Joker and hauls him back to Arkham Asylum.
> Joker breaks out again.
> Family still dead.
> All alone, in empty house.
> House is going to be even empty very soon.

THANKS BATMAN!

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 14:12:54 No.43446235 Report

Quoted By: >>43476343

>Just moved in to Gotham for University
>Came from a small town. The city is really intimidating
>Home schooled. Awkward around people.
>The culture shock gives me social anxiety.
>Every day is horrible. School is stressful.
>I don't have any friends. I try, but i just get rejected.
>I want to go home.
>Fear gas
>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 3461823675_8a6b034267_o.jpg, 25KiB, 360x500

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 19:47:49 No.43450781 Report

Quoted By: >>43452145

>>43445340
So for you it was more of a Hypocritic Oath, then?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 21:12:21 No.43452145 Report

Quoted By:

>>43450781
The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 21:24:30 No.43452317 Report

Quoted By:

>>43437714

Police cars have roll cages, you're just faking it for the worker's comp, you lying sack of shit.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 21:32:07 No.43452478 Report

Quoted By:

>>43438345

Hahaha, the Joker's just waiting to kill you until he can think of a really original lawyer joke, you're fucked.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 21:33:35 No.43452496 Report

Quoted By:

>>43438461
>Muh milk!

firstworldproblems.jpg

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 21:35:34 No.43452520 Report

Quoted By:

>>43438648

Isn't that the medics' fault instead of Batman's? What was he gonna do, hold your hand?

Besides, you've obviously become a new rogue, the Dead Typist, so I question your objectivity.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO image001.jpg, 121KiB, 480x320

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 21:37:12 No.43452550 Report

Quoted By:

>mfw Gotham has three sears towers.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 21:38:23 No.43452572 Report

Quoted By:

Just in the past six months I've been held hostage by Scarecrow, Riddler, Black Mask, Poison Ivy (didn't mind this one, though, as she mostly paraded around naked waiting for Bats to show up), Two-Face and, perhaps the only one where I really shat bricks, Victor Zsasz. Now that's one scary motherfucker right there.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 21:39:22 No.43452587 Report

Quoted By:

>>43437714
>Work at [insert clever reference to creator/writer/big-business criminal] Enterprises.
>Be fired
>Break in during the night
>Steal themed weapon/technology/chemical
>Swear revenge on CEO, Mr [clever reference to creator/writer/big-business criminal]
>MWA HA HA! Fear the vengeance of themed weapon/technology/chemical Man!!!

TNG !!78OlG4aHJqS

TNG !!78OlG4aHJqS Fri 30 Nov 2012 21:40:09 No.43452595 Report

Quoted By:

>>43437714
>my car flips because I slam on the brakes
What sort of shitty car do you have that flips when you slame the brakes?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 21:47:36 No.43452727 Report

Quoted By:

>Lived in Gotham all my life
>At the park with family for fourth of July
>Beautiful clear hot day without a cloud in the sky
>Suddenly it starts snowing
>Stare around at snow in dull surprise
>Stand up and look around at all the snow
>See Batman and Robin running across the park
>Huh. Batman and Robin.
>Huh.
>Wonder what that means?
>This is all highly strange.
>Look at my lovely family who are all also standing around in confusion.
>Highly perplexing, really.
>I mean, snow in the middle of summer in Gotham.
>Plus Batman and Robin are here.
>Could that mean something?
>Maybe we should consider packing up a little early? I mean, we'll finish lunch of course, but after that and maybe just a short game of catch, we should leave.
>Suddenly there's a guy in a weird mechanical suit up on the hill, holding some sort of ray gun with icicles on it.
>Well that's really strange. A guy with a suit and a raygun and he seems really cold. Who's that? Does he maybe want some of our fried chicken? I mean, I've lived in Gotham all my life, and if there's one thing I know, it's to be nice to strangers.
>Suddenly the nice man with the ray gun freezes me and my entire family to death while we're standing there staring at him.

THIS IS CLEARLY ALL BATMAN'S FAULT!!!!!

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 21:56:23 No.43452847 Report

Quoted By:

>>43440841

One Shot Villain Who Gets Killed By One Of The Usual Rogues In Ironic Fashion Man.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 21:59:53 No.43452905 Report

Quoted By:

>>43437979
I lolled so hard

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 22:02:15 No.43452937 Report

Quoted By:

>>43439092
Take a joke, why don't you?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 22:02:17 No.43452938 Report

Quoted By:

>Be henchmen working for Bane
>Have really bad scoliosis
>Batman comes and beats all of my Henchbros up
>I slip on the fucking ice
>All my henchbros make fun of me, calling me Icefag
>Bane kills us because we weren't big FOR HIM

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO glxm.jpg, 510KiB, 1018x752

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 22:10:19 No.43453083 Report

Quoted By:

>>43445222

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 22:14:26 No.43453145 Report

Quoted By:

>>43439030
Nice try joker

jrkstr !7VSirHB8Io

jrkstr !7VSirHB8Io Fri 30 Nov 2012 22:22:39 No.43453283 Report

Quoted By:

>>43438392
and now you know why i'm pro lex luthor. He's not two faced to those loyal to him

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 22:31:47 No.43453413 Report

Quoted By: >>43453457 >>43454112

>go to Gotham to visit cousin
>there are airships fucking everywhere
>people are baffled when I ask why there are blimps all over the fucking place
>even the modern skyscrapers have gargoyles
>it's never sunny at any time while I'm there
What the fuck is up with Gotham? Place gives me the creeps.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 22:34:33 No.43453457 Report

Quoted By:

>>43453413
New sitcom: It's Never Sunny in Gotham City.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 22:48:41 No.43453717 Report

Quoted By: >>43453831 >>43453958

> Work at a carpenter shop.
> A very well dressed, and nice man named Arnie stops by every week or so to purchase some wood.
> Says he builds things with them. It's his hobby.
> Think nothing of it.
> One night wake up in the middle of sleep to find Batman beside my bed.
> He demands to know where is Scarface?
> Never heard of the name, Batman breaks my arm.
> He asks again where is Arnold Wesker?
> Tell him and he decides to stake out location until Wesker arrives as always to buy more wood.
> Batman drags Wesker away who's screaming bloody murder. Feel bad for betraying him.
> Six months rehabilitation for my broken arm later.
> My arm still feels sore anytime I move it.
> Day I reopen shop it's machine gunned to pieces by Scarface's goons.

THANKS BATMAN!

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 22:54:45 No.43453831 Report

Quoted By: >>43453887

>>43453717
>Six months of rehab for a broken arm and still whining it feels sore

God what kind of ultrapussy are you? There are children who break their limbs and are up and zipping around like it never happened before summer vacation is even over.

Batman should have broken the other one just to toughen you up a little more, you great big pansy.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 22:57:01 No.43453887 Report

Quoted By: >>43453966

>>43453831
I dunno, back when I used to work for Joker, Batman broke my arm in seventeen places. That took a while to heal.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO BruceWayne.png, 77KiB, 330x180

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 22:59:17 No.43453932 Report

Quoted By: >>43453971 >>43454019 >>43454219

GUYS have you heard about the latest leaks of Wayne's CEO? The ones with him always running off and hiding out of nowhere with a fucking ten year old? It makes me sick how these Wall street fatcats can get away with anything they want.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 23:00:16 No.43453958 Report

Quoted By:

>>43453717
You should be thrilled, he kept ScarFace from killing you for six whole months.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 23:00:43 No.43453966 Report

Quoted By: >>43453990

>>43453887

Are you sure it was seventeen? Are you sure it wasn't two and you aren't just a giant flaming girl?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 23:01:12 No.43453971 Report

Quoted By: >>43454019

>>43453932
Seriously, why doesn't batman kick his face in? Oh right he's not mentally imbalanced or some minor thug

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 23:02:21 No.43453990 Report

Quoted By: >>43454025

>>43453966
He grabbed me by my arm and used me as a club.
It was seventeen.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 23:03:28 No.43454019 Report

Quoted By:

>>43453932
>>43453971
One, he funds Batman.
Two, that's his son, you sick fucks. Nobody knows who the kid's mom is, but it's Bruce Wayne so I figure it could be anyone.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 23:03:58 No.43454025 Report

Quoted By: >>43454091

>>43453990

You were working for the Joker, you deserved it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 23:06:49 No.43454091 Report

Quoted By: >>43454158 >>43454191

>>43454025
Joker pays well and doesn't give a shit what you've done or what you do while in his employ.
Better than working for Cobblepot. Joker just kills you, Penguin destroys your entire life.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 23:07:54 No.43454112 Report

Quoted By:

>>43453413
>What the fuck is up with Gotham? Place gives me the creeps.

http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/Gotham_City
>The territory surrounding Doctor Gotham's burial spot was also the home of an ancient Native American tribe known as the Miagani.
>an evil warlock was buried alive beneath what would one day become the central island of Gotham. It is alleged that while the warlock laid in a state of torpor, his evil essence seeped into the soil, poisoning the ground with his dark, corruptive touch
>Pools of blood dotted the streets, but there were no bodies. A trapper claimed to have seen the image of a naked Indian walking from the woods to the settlement

To put it bluntly, "ancient evil type shit"

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 23:10:02 No.43454158 Report

Quoted By: >>43454187

>>43454091
Joker destroys your life if he thinks it will be funnier, he only kills some right away because its a quick laugh. Watching you squirm over the years until you finally put that bullet in your head is like watching a really entertaining movie for him. Then afterward he comes up with a list of jokes about how you died.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 23:11:29 No.43454187 Report

Quoted By:

>>43454158
Oh, please. At worst he'll kill your family, which I don't have. Penguin takes every aspect of your life and destroys it. One of these things is worse than the other.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 23:11:51 No.43454191 Report

Quoted By: >>43454333

>>43454091

You give up your right to bitch about vigilantes breaking your bones when you decide to work for serial killers.

I mean if you were working for Mr. Freeze or one of the particularly tormented villains who tends to at least minimize collateral damage I could maybe find some dregs of sympathy for you. But you were working for the guy who kills as many people as possible for fun.

I wish Batman would get hardcore again, like when he wore the helmet and the claw-gauntlets, and kill your ass.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO brucewayne2.jpg, 87KiB, 622x501

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 23:13:21 No.43454219 Report

Quoted By: >>43454253

>>43453932

I hear he keeps a harem of small boys in his house save one Asian girl who looks similarly like them.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 23:14:48 No.43454253 Report

Quoted By:

>>43454219

Sounds pimpin'.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 23:19:13 No.43454333 Report

Quoted By: >>43454454

>>43454191
I got murder, assault, armed robbery and rape on my record. Nobody on the up and up will hire me and the guys like Freeze got their own people. The fuck do you expect me to do?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 23:20:03 No.43454353 Report

Quoted By:

> work as a cook at a five star restaurant.
> Penguin is a regular.
> One day he brings with him a very pretty girl.
> Friend was telling me a very funny joke and can't help but laugh.
> Penguin turns to me and gives me this look. He doesn't say anything to my boss.
> A few weeks go by and I'm fired out of the blue. WTF?
> Okay at least I got the park I love to go and..
> Place is bought and a open 24 hour liquor store is put there.
> New neighbor now blares music loudly next door all night long.
> WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME GOD?!
> Can't get a job anywhere. I seem to be blacklisted now. Wife leaves me.
> Finally give in and start buying booze with what little money I have.
> Life hates me so I'm just gonna end my life.

Thanks Gotham!

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 23:25:59 No.43454454 Report

Quoted By: >>43454544

>>43454333

Die, pretty much.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 23:30:18 No.43454544 Report

Quoted By:

>>43454454
Yeah, well fuck you too, buddy. A guy's gotta eat.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 23:31:48 No.43454583 Report

Quoted By:

>>43441524
>>43441550
Central City here. Step it up.

>On way to work
>See crimson streak
>Holy shit! The Flash is waving at me!
>Tell all the coworkers around the cooler

Thanks Flash!

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO tumblr_you thought was was sjw b (...).jpg, 103KiB, 500x375

Anonymous Fri 30 Nov 2012 23:35:13 No.43454685 Report

Quoted By:

>>43441026
well at least you get company

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 00:03:03 No.43455314 Report

Quoted By:

>>43439016
>>43439353
>>43439541
>>43440831
>>43441086
>>43442268

The Best of the Best

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 00:06:37 No.43455391 Report

Quoted By: >>43455468 >>43456239

>live in metropolis
>working as a receptionist at Lexcorp
>suddenly the boss comes in in the tackiest pink outfit ever.
>he is pushing a cart with forty cakes
>he didn't share any with the staff

thanks Luthor

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO you so gonna get raped.jpg, 117KiB, 631x800

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 00:09:25 No.43455455 Report

Quoted By:

>walk in
>see this

Thanks Batman

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 00:10:00 No.43455468 Report

Quoted By:

>>43455391

>my sides are being stolen by Lex.
>>and that's terrible

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 00:14:59 No.43455578 Report

Quoted By: >>43455621

>go to Gotham on business
>go to a bar in the Cauldron
>someone spikes my drink
>all I remember is someone going "bueno, bueno, bueno" over and over
>wake up with a sore ass
Fuck Gotham and fuck Gothamites. I hope your city gets nuked.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 00:16:55 No.43455621 Report

Quoted By: >>43455734

>>43455578
>I hope your city gets nuked.

What, AGAIN?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 00:22:12 No.43455734 Report

Quoted By: >>43455913

>>43455621
Were you guys ever nuked? I only remember when you got isolated from the USA (a good move if you ask me) after that earthquake and viral outbreak.

But I mean permanently. Just wiped clean from the face of the Earth. Gotham is a cancer, and it needs chemotherapy.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 00:29:17 No.43455913 Report

Quoted By: >>43456016

>>43455734

Go to bed, Ra's al Joker.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 00:32:59 No.43456010 Report

Quoted By:

>>43443728
God damn... right in the feels

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 00:33:18 No.43456016 Report

Quoted By: >>43456086

>>43455913
Fuck you, man. Every time I go to your godforsaken city something terrible happens to me. There is no good side to your city and no saving grace. Gotham is an infected hemorrhoid on America's ass.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 00:35:36 No.43456066 Report

Quoted By:

>Be 23
>Walking to shop
>2 guys jump out, and try and mug me
>Batman jumps out and saves me
>Flies away or some shit
>2 more guys further down the street jump out and mug me
>Batman fucked off

Thanks, Batman

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 00:36:16 No.43456086 Report

Quoted By: >>43456129 >>43456177

>>43456016

Sounds like Metropolisite one percenter talk to me.

You enjoying smoking your big cigars and sipping champagne while the rest of us work for your living, you smarmy fat cat?

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1345521321253.png, 189KiB, 461x342

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 00:38:28 No.43456129 Report

Quoted By:

>>43456086
Why yes... yes I do

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 00:38:34 No.43456133 Report

Quoted By:

>>43438312
>>Be cop in Gotham, trying to chase after some robbers running away from a jewelry theft
>>All of a sudden some incredibly fit guy wearing this super tight body-suit jumps down from a fire escape and knocks both of them out
>>As he bends over the handcuff them I notice his ridiculously perfect ass
>>Turns around, looks at me, winks and for some reason does a backflip away
>>Panties soaked, uncomfortable as fuck for the rest of my shift
>Th-thanks Nightwing
i like where this is going

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 00:40:17 No.43456177 Report

Quoted By:

>>43456086
You think I'd have been drinking in some shithole dive bar if I was rich? Probably richer than your broke asses, but that's your fault for having such a horrible economy.
You wanna talk about ivory tower rich people? Look at Wayne and his cronies, sipping thousand dollar a glass champagne in parties while kids knife each other for crusts of bread. Gotham is a horrible place full of horrible people and you deserve everything that happens to you.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 00:42:58 No.43456239 Report

Quoted By:

>>43455391
Why can't I hold my sides

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 00:45:36 No.43456311 Report

Quoted By: >>43456334

>>43439030
They really should fucking close those chemical plants already.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 00:46:26 No.43456334 Report

Quoted By: >>43456995

>>43456311
Yeah, and put 25% of Gotham out of a job? fuck you, faggot.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO boner-2.jpg, 36KiB, 336x328

SpoilerClick to view

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 00:50:09 No.43456424 Report

Quoted By:

>>43439030
>be engineer
>quit to try and make my dream of being a stand up comedian happen
...quit?
As opposed to just experimenting with standup comedy as a night job while keeping your day job?

Man, what a boner move.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 00:50:32 No.43456436 Report

Quoted By:

>Fifth generation Gothamite
>Family actually used to work for the Waynes back before the stock market crash
>Take pride that my ancestor helped Bruce Wayne's ancestor run a stop on the Underground Railroad
>Have blue collar job but still a student of Gotham history because I love my city, as bad as it's gotten
>Out one night drinking after a hard day of work
>Some Metropolis tourist is sitting around bitching about what a shithole Gotham is
>Ignore it for awhile but finally can't take anymore
>Ask him to step outside, we go
>Asshole pulls a knife on me first thing, I take it away from him and start to make a citizen's arrest
>Batman's passing by, thinks I'm mugging the asshole, knocks me to the ground
>Asshole laughs at me and staggers back inside where I can hear someone murmuring "Bueno"

It's okay Batman, honest mistake, keep up the good work.

Wonder whatever happened to that Metropolis asshole...

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1351046142100.gif, 397KiB, 250x250

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 01:03:30 No.43456810 Report

Quoted By: >>43457022

>going to my first cosplay
>wearing tights and generic super vilain garb
>run into Rorschach a few times
>joke around, with him, tell him that he's gotta beat me up
>get thrown down elevator shaft

Thanks Rorschach.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 01:03:43 No.43456815 Report

Quoted By:

>Walking through Gotham one fine evening
>See none other than Bruce Wayne walk past
>Nod, say hello. He nods back
>Wonder why the hell he was coming out of an alley
>Take a peek in after he goes past
>There's three people, beaten to all hell
>Just lying there, moaning, more than a few broken bones between them
>Wonder if Bruce Wayne just mugged somebody
>Don't care, realize that if that was true, Batman would kick his shit in

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 01:06:30 No.43456904 Report

Quoted By: >>43458075

>>43441111
Yeah, but they'd be watching captain america when a guy comes in dressed as red skull, shoots everybody and claims to be carnage

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 01:08:37 No.43456961 Report

Quoted By: >>43457119

>>43441631
>be cop
>work under Jim Gordon
>all I can think about is licking his daughter's ass

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 01:09:39 No.43456995 Report

Quoted By:

>>43456334
I hope you'll have some more sense when some pale skinned nutcase is holding a knife to your throat, asshole.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 01:10:39 No.43457022 Report

Quoted By:

>>43456810
Bitch to be you.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 01:12:20 No.43457070 Report

Quoted By: >>43457120

It's threads like this that make me sad that we can no longer archive.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 01:14:05 No.43457119 Report

Quoted By:

>>43456961
>be a dirty cop
>work under Jim Gordon
>his schizophrenic daughter comes onto me and tries to seduce me
>I tell the bitch I'm not interested
>bitch starts screaming I'm raping her
>get beaten up by cops close by
>get fired
>Gordon hates my fucking guts now
I think this is my supervillain origin.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 01:14:05 No.43457120 Report

Quoted By: >>43457212

>>43457070
The archive has been back up for a while, this thread has already been archived

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 01:17:24 No.43457212 Report

Quoted By:

>>43457120

Wow, so it is up and this has been archived. Thanks for letting me know and thanks anons!

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 01:24:23 No.43457416 Report

Quoted By: >>43457642

>>43444710
>rogues
>decent guys
Damn straight.
>be pizza boy
>deliver to rogues on the regular
>always tip
>trickster comes up to take pizzas this one time
>this is odd - he never gets the door, it's usually cold or wizard
>tips me with a giant sack of cash, presuambly stolen
>about to open it up to look inside
>cold comes out and snatches the bag away
>gives me a second, identical bag, gives trickster a stern look
>trickster runs back inside
>cold apologizes, i go on my merry way
I think I dodged a bullet there.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1351787724844.png, 37KiB, 157x148

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 01:32:39 No.43457642 Report

Quoted By: >>43457741

>>43457416
>Decent guys
>Spared death by mere seconds because of one guy's whim

Uh... pick one?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 01:36:16 No.43457741 Report

Quoted By: >>43457813

>>43457642
More like one guy decided to play a prank on me, and the leader stuck up for me.
Just because I used the phrase "dodged a bullet" doesn't mean my life was in danger.
Protip: Trickster =/= Joker

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 01:38:19 No.43457805 Report

Quoted By:

>Be 15
>Live in Gotham
>Watching the news one night with parents
>Suddenly Freeze comes on TV and tells he'll create a snow storm tomorrow
>I'm excited because that means it's gunna be a snow day
>Go to sleep
>Wake up excited
>See it's normal outside
>Parents said Bat took freeze out before he could make it snow
>Go to school

Thanks batfuck!

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 01:38:33 No.43457813 Report

Quoted By: >>43459351

>>43457741

Wait, are we in the DCU or the DCAU?

That sort of makes a difference as to our day-to-day lives, because if it's DCAU then yeah dude was probably harmless, if it's just DCU I think he still might have killed your ass and then made a sausage pizza joke.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 01:48:38 No.43458075 Report

Quoted By:

>>43456904
I laughed at this more than i should.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 01:54:11 No.43458231 Report

Quoted By:

>>43444116
>>spend next month rimming Harley Quinn
it was all worth it, it was all worth it

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 02:18:12 No.43458973 Report

Quoted By: >>43459553 >>43459952

> Get tired of all the shit in Gotham and move to Metropolis
> Things pretty nice, next to no small crimes
> Third day there, a guy in some mech suit starts crashing the place and throwing things through buildings
> Superman flies in and knocks the guy through another building.
> Guy gets out and knocks Superman through another one.
> Superman finally knocks the guy out without punting him through a skyscraper
> Check the news the next day
> Everyone talking about how great Superman is with big smiles on their faces
> Death count and property damage barely mentioned
> Lose few friends I made when I complain about Superman
> Start packing
> Giant alien monster thing attacks city
> Gets punted through my apartment
> Stuck under rubble for 5 hours
> Rescue vehicles held up by all the debris
> Superman too busy getting thrown through things or throwing enemies through things
> Both legs destroyed
> Given choice of amputation or see what happens when they use something they found in the debris after a battle
> Decide wheelchair is safer option
> Move back to Gotham
> Second week back get involved in a bank robbery
> Was shot in the side and knocked out of my wheelchair
> Batman continues chasing crooks
> Police cars and ambulances on the scene in minutes
> Bruce Wayne helps cover medical
> Offered top of the line, normal prosthetics

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 02:25:03 No.43459162 Report

Quoted By: >>43459401

>Biggest hero in my home universe
>Suddenly DC buys it
>Reboot incorporates it into their universe
>Backstory completely changed
>I don't even get a comic anymore because I'm not popular in this universe
>Meanwhile all those bat titles

Fucking batman

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 02:30:20 No.43459345 Report

Quoted By:

>be a bank teller
>one night on my way to home BATMAN OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE SUCKER PUNCHES ME AND KNOCKS ME TO THE GROUND
>i land on my face and break my jaw
he keeps yelling something that sounded like "where's the money, carlos?"
>i can't talk because my jaw is busted
>some cops arrive and batman turns me in
>i'm all like what the fuck please let me go i need a doctor
>nobody understands
>they claim my jaw is ok and i should stop crying
>throw me in some shitty cell with a lot of dehumidifiers
>pain is unbearable i want to crawl in a hole and die
>hours later the commisioner shows up with four paramedics
>says i can go and they're taking me to the hospital right away
>apparently that bitchfuck clayface robbed the bank i worked in using my likeness to fool the manager into gaining access
>batman finally caught clayface and he's on his way to arkham now so i'm free to go
>commissioner is apologizing like hell
>says bruce wayne has offered to pick up the tab for my medical expenses

so fuck you batman. but thanks, bruce wayne

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 02:30:25 No.43459351 Report

Quoted By:

>>43457813
DCU. Even then, Trickster doesn't try to kill everybody.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 02:31:50 No.43459401 Report

Quoted By:

>>43459162
>Be minor hero with small fan following
>Appear in something new that suddenly gives me a ton of fans
>Everyone wants to read a comic with me now
>So they kill me off and replace me with a minority character

Thanks a whole fucking lot animated series.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 02:35:52 No.43459553 Report

Quoted By: >>43459680

>>43458973
> Death count and property damage barely mentioned
death count = 0, dude is superman
> Lose few friends I made when I complain about Superman
what do you have to complain?
> Stuck under rubble for 5 hours
> Superman too busy
you don´t know shit about Superman

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 02:40:00 No.43459680 Report

Quoted By: >>43459764 >>43459883 >>43459952

>>43459553

You sound like that one asshole that works for the Daily Planet that's always lying and covering up Superman's bodycount for him. That Kent motherfucker.

Dude's got more tingles running up and down his leg for Superman than the whole press corps has for Obama put together.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 02:42:28 No.43459764 Report

Quoted By: >>43459927

>>43459680

Hey, now. I met Kent once. He's a doofus, yeah, but he's one of the nicest and humblest niggas you could meet. He was a total bro.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO jimmy.jpg, 10KiB, 180x184

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 02:45:47 No.43459883 Report

Quoted By:

>>43459680
I am not Mr. Kent and you have no right to talk that way about him either

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 02:47:22 No.43459927 Report

Quoted By:

>>43459764

Easy to be humble when you've got a superstrong asshole watching your back in return for whitewashing his fuckups.

I've noticed that people who start looking closely at Kent too closely tend to die, and usually Superman has something or other to do with those deaths. They're in on it together, no doubt.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO Lex_Luthor_Superfriends.jpg, 11KiB, 319x241

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 02:48:12 No.43459952 Report

Quoted By: >>43460145

>>43458973
>>43459680
tell me more about that alien menace and his stupid friend farmer, I want to know more of your tragic story...and maybe I could help you

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 02:48:53 No.43459976 Report

Quoted By: >>43460155

>Halloween Night, out on the town with friends
>decide to go as animal themed heroes, settle on a mouse musketeer
>go out drinking, get this hot chicks number at a bar
>decide to take the alleyways home
>run into the Joker
>friends freak out and get stabbed, Joker just laughs and tosses me the knife
>fucking Batman is just behind him, beats the shit out of me
>get blamed for my friends deaths
>judge thinks I'm a supervillian, puts me in Arkham
>no one believes that I'm not crazy
>thats okay, I have a few friends to keep me company now
>squeek squeek squeek

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 02:53:05 No.43460114 Report

Quoted By: >>43460362

>Have son with black hair
>Fairly skilled at things
>Batman makes him a robin

oh god damn it

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 02:54:03 No.43460145 Report

Quoted By: >>43460686 >>43480788

>>43459952

Well, okay, see, I knew this one guy, and... well, no excuses for him, he went all criminal. He didn't used to be that way, but shit happens, he was corrupt, it wasn't pretty.

He was involved in some plan to take down Superman, and then in comes Kent and fucks it all up for him. Does the reporting that makes sure this guy gets the fucking -gas chamber-, man. I think the dude had cottoned on to something about Superman and Kent made sure he went down, permanent-like.

Plus I keep hearing these stories about how people who look into Superman and start finding connections to Clark Kent wind up "falling off buildings" and shit like that, sort of like

oh fuck i heard a sonic boom o jesus TELLM Y FAMILY I LOVED THEM

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 02:54:13 No.43460155 Report

Quoted By: >>43460298

>>43459976
>mouse musketeer
Surely you mean a mouseketeer?

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO tumblr_mc9uayxLPK1qg8r34o1_500.jpg, 106KiB, 500x590

SpoilerClick to view

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 02:58:46 No.43460298 Report

Quoted By: >>43460456

>>43460155

You mean one of these?

CyberDoakes

CyberDoakes Sat 01 Dec 2012 03:00:27 No.43460362 Report

Quoted By:

>>43460114
black hair isnt necessary, Bruce will just make him dye it

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 03:01:20 No.43460395 Report

Quoted By:

That shit about Superman and Clark Kent being connected is all lies.

If it were true people would be talking about it! And not just crazies who JUMP OFF BUILDINGS! I mean, these guys jump off buildings and out of planes and they blast their own heads off with mysterious heat rays, how mentally stable can they be?

winter(OO)====V====(OO)project !!Gb/d94V41Zg

winter(OO)====V====(OO)project !!Gb/d94V41Zg Sat 01 Dec 2012 03:02:17 No.43460435 Report

Quoted By: >>43460931

3/4 archives.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 03:02:58 No.43460456 Report

Quoted By:

>>43460298
>none of them are justin, christine or britney
Disappointed.

winter(OO)====V====(OO)project !!Gb/d94V41Zg

winter(OO)====V====(OO)project !!Gb/d94V41Zg Sat 01 Dec 2012 03:04:05 No.43460493 Report

Quoted By:

http://chanarchive.org/

Actually chanarchive is the original archiving site. If you type in 4chanarchive.org it now takes you to chanarchive.org.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 03:09:44 No.43460686 Report

Quoted By: >>43460816

>>43460145

Are you fucking retarded? You think Kent and Superman are the same guy? Kent INTERVIEWS Superman. There's pictures of them hanging out together. They both show up to the same press conferences. Superman's got a lot of powers, but he can't be in two places at once.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 03:13:15 No.43460816 Report

Quoted By:

>>43460686

That guy never said Kent and Superman were the same guy. That's silly. You're silly.

In fact I bet someone will be along in a minute to explain how silly you are. You live on the tenth floor, right...?

winter(OO)====V====(OO)project !!Gb/d94V41Zg

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO Nightwing_Ass.jpg, 150KiB, 1018x2256

winter(OO)====V====(OO)project !!Gb/d94V41Zg Sat 01 Dec 2012 03:13:25 No.43460826 Report

Quoted By:

>>43438237

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 03:16:11 No.43460931 Report

Quoted By: >>43461335

>>43460435
dude it got archived yesterday http://chanarchive.org/4chan/co/64503/we-pretend-we-re-average-citizens-of-gotham

winter(OO)====V====(OO)project !!Gb/d94V41Zg

winter(OO)====V====(OO)project !!Gb/d94V41Zg Sat 01 Dec 2012 03:27:27 No.43461335 Report

Quoted By: >>43462642

>>43460931

I requested archival and go the notification 3/4. Must be a mistake or something. I did copy paste the link though.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 04:00:11 No.43462642 Report

Quoted By:

>>43461335
You probably tried to archive it while linking to a specific comment.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 04:09:52 No.43463046 Report

Quoted By: >>43463968

>Be employee at jewelery store
>Freeze walks in
>"Ice to meet you"
>Everyone looses there shit and starts running around
>"Chill out."
>Freeze blasts people
>Chaos.
>Batman swoops in
>Baterangs up in dis bitch
>"Don't be cold, batman"
>People still scattering
>Bats and Freeze duke it out
>I bolt for the exit
>Open the door
>Get on the floor
>Walk Dinosaur

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 04:34:38 No.43463968 Report

Quoted By:

>>43463046
nice

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 04:37:57 No.43464084 Report

Quoted By: >>43464156 >>43464175

>Be normal gothimite
>buy joker insurance
>RICH

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 04:39:58 No.43464156 Report

Quoted By: >>43464275

>>43464084
happened in the cartoon
didn't wned well

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 04:40:34 No.43464175 Report

Quoted By: >>43464379 >>43465464

>>43464084
What idiot is selling joker insurances? I want one.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 04:43:25 No.43464275 Report

Quoted By:

>>43464156
oh yeah

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 04:45:51 No.43464379 Report

Quoted By:

>>43464175
the poorest man in gothom by now

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 05:15:30 No.43465391 Report

Quoted By:

>>43438527

Lucky bastard.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 05:17:13 No.43465452 Report

Quoted By:

>>43438554
>>43438831

Yeah don't you know? The section where the play the film Zorro is haunted dude. Really creepy.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 05:17:34 No.43465464 Report

Quoted By:

>>43464175

Some guy named Jack Napier. Sounded legit so I bought one.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 05:18:28 No.43465490 Report

Quoted By: >>43465571 >>43466390

Ask someone who's been in the batcave anything.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 05:20:50 No.43465571 Report

Quoted By:

>>43465490
What's a batcave?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 05:44:35 No.43466390 Report

Quoted By:

>>43465490
you fucked batmans ass?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 06:52:16 No.43468620 Report

Quoted By:

>First day on the job, raiding Ace Chemicals
>Batman appears
>In the panic, I'm pushed off a catwalk into a vat because there are no guard rails
>Go insane and become a muderous clown
>Years of therapy finally clicks
>Get elected as Mayor on the premise of more chemical vat safety
Vote Mayor Joker

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 06:56:37 No.43468761 Report

Quoted By:

There's a robbery at the first bank of Gotham... again for twenty-second time this week. Why doesn't batman just kill the criminal scum?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 06:57:52 No.43468796 Report

Quoted By:

>ITT: We pretend we're average citizens of Gotham
>almost half of these involve working for a supercriminal in some capacity
Sounds about right.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 07:21:48 No.43469678 Report

Quoted By:

>have a MASSIVE ERECTION

Thanks, Batman

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 07:23:12 No.43469719 Report

Quoted By:

>>43439216
lel now I get it

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 09:12:52 No.43473320 Report

Quoted By:

>Just trying to get home. Husbands working late, kids are with a babysitter.
>Suddenly villain drives by, almost clips me
>Sigh in relief as I realize they didn't hit anything
>Batmobile drives by and my car practically flips

Fucking batman. I broke my femur

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 09:15:54 No.43473431 Report

Quoted By:

So... anyone here NOT either been raped or committed rape?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 09:21:32 No.43473630 Report

Quoted By: >>43473967

>Be in Opal City.
>Buy a Raggedy Andy doll for my little sister
>Get the shit beat out of me by some cops while this fag in all black smokes and watches

Fuck Opal City.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 09:27:09 No.43473836 Report

Quoted By:

>Be from Fawcett City
>Everyone thinks we're pure whitebread with no crime
>Lady Marvel puts on black latex
>Suddenly everyone thinks we're the slut capital of the world

Thanks Marvel Family.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 09:28:43 No.43473884 Report

Quoted By:

>Be from wildstorm universe
>Entire planet gets evacuated to other universes for about two days
>Get a commemorative t-shirt

Damn it, I wanted the hat and pin!

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 09:31:06 No.43473967 Report

Quoted By: >>43474041 >>43474184

>>43473630
>Be in Hub City.
>Buy a loaf of bread with my hard-earned panhandling money
>Get the shit beat out of me by some cops who crush the apple underfoot then shoot me in the kneecaps and kick me into an open manhole

My heart bleeds, faggot. I had to steal this computer while in a wheelchair.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 09:33:01 No.43474041 Report

Quoted By: >>43474126

>>43473967
How the fuck did you even get a wheelchair in Hub?

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1351984407564.jpg, 36KiB, 507x343

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 09:33:32 No.43474053 Report

Quoted By: >>43474115 >>43474185

>Earthquake
>Get saved by Superman
>Thank him
>Superman flies around earth really fast
>All of a sudden it's 5 minutes earlier
>Earthquake
>Superman doesn't save me
>See Superman flying into sunset with Lois Lane, leaving thousands to die
>Get crushed by falling Daily Planet Globe

Thanks Superman

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1317488405518.jpg, 8KiB, 251x206

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 09:35:04 No.43474115 Report

Quoted By:

>>43474053

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 09:35:19 No.43474126 Report

Quoted By:

>>43474041
Mugged a guy for it behind a hospital. Had to stab him a few times.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 09:36:54 No.43474184 Report

Quoted By:

>>43473967
Shit, forgot to mention that I also bought an apple. Which they crushed. I'm still kind of delirious from the infection.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1350194822032.jpg, 26KiB, 370x405

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 09:36:55 No.43474185 Report

Quoted By:

>>43474053
>Wondering where Clark went
>Earthquake
>Crushed by falling Daily Planet Globe as Superman saves some faggot
>All of a sudden five minutes earlier
>Superman saves me
>See faggot from earlier get crushed

Heh

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 09:39:20 No.43474275 Report

Quoted By:

>Get drunk one night after work
>Fucking wasted and trying to make my way home
>Some thugs start roughing me up
>Batman shows up and starts beating the shit out of them
>Run for my life
>Pass out in an alley from my injuries and too much booze
>Hear "Bueno" as everything fades into black
>Wake up hungover with my pants around my ankles and my anus hurting
Thanks....Batman?

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO FAGGOR.jpg, 8KiB, 200x267

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 09:40:33 No.43474335 Report

Quoted By:

>>43437951
>He stabs me in the dick as he's escaping

lost my shit.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 09:48:14 No.43474627 Report

Quoted By: >>43474754 >>43477166 >>43482305

>be a cop
>do a random search of some chick's car
>"find" a dime bag of coke in her glove compartment
>take her to an abandoned building and stick it to her with my partner
>leave her there and tell her to call the cops if she wants
Cops got it made in Gotham, I gotta tell you.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 09:49:47 No.43474677 Report

Quoted By:

>Be a movie theatre projectionist
>Screening some movie about bats or shit
>I dunno, I was pretty high
>Some family gets up to leave, the son must have been some kind of pussy
>Whatever, get high again
>Hear some kids set off two fireworks in the alley

Average night at the movie theatre

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 09:52:11 No.43474754 Report

Quoted By: >>43474843 >>43474988

>>43474627
>Be a cop
>Try to do my best to keep the streets clean to make my pappy proud
>Citizens are always shitting on us, telling us to do our job and execute all the crazies so that the city doesn't get destroyed every other month
>Tell them I'm sorry it's out of my control
>They spit in my face
You should be ashamed to wear the badge you asshole, dickheads like you are why we get no damn respect.

J. Corrigan

J. Corrigan Sat 01 Dec 2012 09:54:44 No.43474843 Report

Quoted By:

>>43474754
He'll get his.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 09:58:54 No.43474988 Report

Quoted By: >>43475036

>>43474754
It's just a job, ya goody goody asshole. Not even a good one. It ain't a calling. You don't owe shit to your pappy.
This is Gotham. It's not one of those nice cities. You do what you gotta do here. It's the law of the concrete jungle, I like to say.
Strong prey on the weak. It's not personal, it's just the way it is.
So excuse me for cutting myself a piece of the action whenever I can. Some of us live in reality.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:00:00 No.43475036 Report

Quoted By: >>43475179

>>43474988
You uh
you know batmans been able to track people by 4chan post before, right? Fucking bathacker man

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:03:58 No.43475179 Report

Quoted By: >>43475378 >>43476690 >>43476711

>>43475036
And what the shit's he gonna do, beat up a cop?
Commit a vicious and unprovoked attack on a police officer on nonexistent evidence?

The evidence ain't there for nothing. I made sure of that.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:08:39 No.43475324 Report

Quoted By:

>Be landlord for some red brick shit house apartment building
>have annoying red headed bitch of a tenant complaining about there being no peep holes on the doors
>threatens to tell her daddy about it if i dont fix it.
>tell her i'll fix the door problem when she gets off her prissy little ass and pays me my fucking rent for once
>offers me a blumpkin to cover rent since she aint got no job what with bein a college girl and all dat.
>offer graciously accepted.

moved to metropolis shortly after that, place was gettin too rough for my taste...last i heard, ole copper top got her ass blasted answerin th' door.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:10:06 No.43475378 Report

Quoted By: >>43475424

>>43475179
just remember

the weed of crime bears bitter fruit

CycloneMetal !uMaEqQ/evM

CycloneMetal !uMaEqQ/evM Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:11:05 No.43475408 Report

Quoted By:

>>43443728
dear god this is beautiful.

i gotta get me a job workin for this guy, given my previous work experiences.

>last month henching for Penguin
>guarding his mansion, as always. decent pay.
>NIghtwing shows up
>knocks us all out, except me
>i manage to knock him out somehow
>tell the boss
>he promises bonus
>one month later still no bonus

fucking greedy little bird bitch

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:11:23 No.43475424 Report

Quoted By:

>>43475378
It ain't a crime if the police do it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:16:30 No.43475594 Report

Quoted By: >>43475620

>beer mamboroda reagoshathose
>height doubt en godhams zewarzistam
>brollup dafoozebowl stangium durinkahame
>almoss keels dabaman
>ge blasded buy a bisch in redder on a mordorbite

CycloneMetal !uMaEqQ/evM

CycloneMetal !uMaEqQ/evM Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:17:20 No.43475620 Report

Quoted By: >>43475687

>>43475594
dude, what.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:19:21 No.43475687 Report

Quoted By:

>>43475620
ahm shorreenk dicth guy fugging shtudterk?

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO P.Diddy.gif, 511KiB, 200x167

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:22:21 No.43475793 Report

Quoted By:

This goddamn thread.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:25:43 No.43475918 Report

Quoted By: >>43476142

>work for the Gotham city council
>gain connections
>get rich laughably quickly through all dem kickbacks
Man, you plebs would be rioting if you knew the extent of this shit.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:28:59 No.43476038 Report

Quoted By: >>43476138 >>43476142

>life is shit
>start henching, encounter Freeze first
>work for him
>somehow him and I end up shooting the science shit together because I studied it at one point
>most of the stuff goes over my head but he tries to explain and we both enjoy each other's company

Holy shit. This guy is a bro. I mean, all he is trying to do is save his wife. I haven't been abused or sent on any overly dangerous missions. I would lay myself down for him.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:32:04 No.43476138 Report

Quoted By:

>>43476038
Only problem I've ever had with Freeze is how cold he likes it.

But if you're stupid enough to get frostbite or something, he'll go out with the boys and get enough money to cover your medical fees.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:32:13 No.43476142 Report

Quoted By:

>>43476038
He may be a bro to you but he carjacked my Uncle's ice cream truck and turned it into some sort of Deathmobile. And now we can't get it out of impound. I bet if we paid the right bribes or knew city council boy >>43475918
we'd have it back.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:32:40 No.43476164 Report

Quoted By:

Man how about that Hal Jordan guy

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 47h2DusG1qzbqw1.jpg, 78KiB, 997x628

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:38:22 No.43476343 Report

Quoted By:

>>43446235

Offer's still there, if you're ever interested.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1352353532261.jpg, 542KiB, 1280x1920

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:41:09 No.43476455 Report

Quoted By: >>43476666

>used to live in Detroit
>moved to Gotham because it's a lot safer
Thanks Batman!

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:44:28 No.43476589 Report

Quoted By: >>43476645

>Be liquor store manager
>locking up one night.
>a hand gets put against my back
>"Open the shop and keep quiet. This'll be over quick and you won't have to die."
>Oh God, I'm being robbed.
>Hear passing motorcycle screech to a halt.
>See the reflection of this dominatrix in fishnets and what has to be a blonde wig.
>Robber: "This ain't got anything to do with you, birdy."
>Oh, fuck, it's Canary.
>Too late.
>Bitch opens her mouth and I can no longer hear.
>"CA-CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWW"
>Windows are shattered
>Robber behind me takes the full force
>His head explodes like all my liquor bottles.
>Pass out from that awful screeching.
>Wake up to the store taped up and police and paramedics are trying to get my name and statement.
>Can't hear what the fuck they're saying.
>Permanently deaf.
>Insurance doesn't cover non-Batman related vigilantes.
>Forced to sell liquor store to build some freaking park.

Thanks, Black Canary!

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:45:37 No.43476645 Report

Quoted By: >>43476712 >>43478321

>>43476589
Why didn't you sue the shit out of the JSA?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:46:02 No.43476666 Report

Quoted By:

>>43476455
>Gotham's canonically the second most crime-ridden city after Hub
Bitch to be you right now.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:46:31 No.43476690 Report

Quoted By: >>43476746

>>43475179
>And what the shit's he gonna do, beat up a cop?
>Commit a vicious and unprovoked attack on a police officer on nonexistent evidence?

Yes. He's fucking batman

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:47:05 No.43476711 Report

Quoted By:

>>43475179
He's a vigilante you retard, he don't need no evidence to lock you in the phantom zone or for you to have an 'ironic' death where you attempting to escape leads to your death (We all know he does that shit)

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:47:07 No.43476712 Report

Quoted By: >>43487645

>>43476645

. . . WHAT?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:47:44 No.43476746 Report

Quoted By: >>43476809 >>43476829 >>43476867 >>43476956

>>43476690
Let him. I'll have it on the front page of the Gotham Gazette that very day.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:49:14 No.43476809 Report

Quoted By: >>43476935

>>43476746
ANd? He's on hte front page of the gazette every day

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:49:45 No.43476829 Report

Quoted By: >>43476935

>>43476746
how will you when his faggoty ass cape friend locks you in the phantom zone?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:50:37 No.43476867 Report

Quoted By: >>43477121

>>43476746
Dude, no. He'll 'accidently' push you in a vat of acid and you get to be the next supervillain creep locked in arkham rimming bane

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:52:14 No.43476930 Report

Quoted By:

Hey, uh..Who's the best rogue to hench for? Besides Freeze, I mean.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:52:20 No.43476935 Report

Quoted By: >>43477121

>>43476809
Yeah, but attacking a cop means Gordon can't have him in his pocket and public opinion will downturn. It's win/win.
>>43476829
Superman never shows up.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:52:51 No.43476956 Report

Quoted By: >>43477118

>>43476746
Have fun getting your face busted in, Batman hates crooked cops.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:56:44 No.43477118 Report

Quoted By: >>43477140

>>43476956
Oh, please, when was the last time he actually busted a cop?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:56:48 No.43477121 Report

Quoted By:

>>43476935
>Yeah, but attacking a cop means Gordon can't have him in his pocket and public opinion will downturn. It's win/win.

Presuming they find out that he did that. And presuming Gordan doesn't immediately suspect you did something illegal to deserve it. He's totally in with the bat

plus what this guy said >>43476867

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:57:18 No.43477140 Report

Quoted By: >>43477199

>>43477118
He didn't mind busting Harvey Dent, he isn't gonna mind busting you

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:58:09 No.43477166 Report

Quoted By: >>43477237

>>43474627
>be a cop
>do a random search of some chick's car
>"find" a dime bag of coke in her glove compartment
>take her to an abandoned building and stick it to her with my partner
>leave her there and tell her to call the cops if she wants
>A few days later, the bat comes on me
>Beats the shit out of me
>Holds me over a balcony until I confess, ratting on myself and my partner

shit man, he's coming for you next!

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:58:53 No.43477199 Report

Quoted By:

>>43477140
Harvey ain't police. He was the D.A. Once.
Batman never busts cops.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 10:59:06 No.43477208 Report

Quoted By: >>43477965

>Rent shitty apartment in a bad part of town
>It's not much, but it's all I could afford
>Everyone there is fairly normal, from what I've seen in the lobby
>Actually a pretty nice place
>Night falls
>Can't sleep due to the constant bloody screaming from the apartment next to mine

I don't know why it happens, but it happens just about every night without fail. I'm too afraid to complain about it, because chances are it's probably some fucking murderous nutcase living right next to me.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 11:00:06 No.43477237 Report

Quoted By: >>43477381

>>43477166
Nice try. This happened a while ago. I'm not saying exactly how long, but it was longer than that.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 11:02:39 No.43477345 Report

Quoted By: >>43477452

I know Batman comes on here, but what about the big crooks like Penguin and Riddler?

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO The spectre.jpg, 18KiB, 250x393

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 11:03:22 No.43477381 Report

Quoted By: >>43477561 >>43477588 >>43477595

>>43477237
>Thinks he can escape the bat-god

Sure. Maybe you can. But apparently this guy's been doing shit in gotham. Run man. Run

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 11:05:01 No.43477452 Report

Quoted By: >>43477511

>>43477345
Riddler's here all the time, then Batgod comes and solves his riddle and throws him back behind bars. It happens all the time, they make a big spectacle out of it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 11:06:27 No.43477511 Report

Quoted By: >>43478162

>>43477452

Really? Of course there's a spectacle, it's fucking Nigma. If I ever met that smug piece of shit I'd break his fucking jaw.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 11:07:48 No.43477561 Report

Quoted By:

>>43477381

That's OK, if Green Cape Guy is hurting criminals Bats will swing by and stop him. He stops everybody, even Superman.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 11:08:50 No.43477588 Report

Quoted By:

>>43477381

Hey, he kinda looks like Green Arrow.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 11:08:57 No.43477595 Report

Quoted By: >>43478267

>>43477381
I ain't afraid, man.
I've been police for years, and I never heard of him ever busting anyone. And trust me when I say most of the cops ain't any cleaner than me.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 11:18:35 No.43477965 Report

Quoted By:

>>43477208

I think you might live next to Zsasz.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 11:24:46 No.43478162 Report

Quoted By: >>43478315

>>43477511
>If I ever met that smug piece of shit I'd break his fucking jaw.
Nigma, please. Not like it's that difficult anyway.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 11:25:44 No.43478192 Report

Quoted By:

>Doing hench work for Scarecrow
>Mostly just there while he makes a deal with one of the families
>Everything's going great, we didn't even need to use the gas
>Suddenly, Two-Face and some of his goons pop in
>Has some kinda bone to pick with my boss
>Gets pissy with him, screaming about some screw-up he caused
>Boss looks at us, gives us the signal
>We open the canisters
>One of ours didn't have his mask on properly
>Goes fucking hysterical
>Decide not to leave him and drag him out by the collar

I don't know if the deal kept after that, 'cause I hadn't heard shit about it since.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 11:28:34 No.43478267 Report

Quoted By: >>43478465

>>43477595
I hate to tell you this..I really do but..you don't have plot armor

I'm sorry

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 11:30:13 No.43478315 Report

Quoted By:

>>43478162

I know. I just really hate the guy.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 11:30:29 No.43478321 Report

Quoted By:

>>43476645
Anon's gonna sue the pants of JSA!

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 11:34:53 No.43478465 Report

Quoted By: >>43478554

>>43478267
Naw, really, go on. Name one dirty cop the Bat's busted.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 11:38:39 No.43478554 Report

Quoted By: >>43478622

>>43478465

What about that Bolton guy?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 11:41:03 No.43478622 Report

Quoted By: >>43478657

>>43478554
Lock-Up? Guy was never police. He got kicked outta the academy.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 11:42:24 No.43478657 Report

Quoted By: >>43478687 >>43479778

>>43478622

Huh. Were you in the same year?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 11:43:19 No.43478687 Report

Quoted By: >>43478740

>>43478657
...Who's asking?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 11:45:30 No.43478740 Report

Quoted By: >>43478927

>>43478687

What? Chill, I'm not working for anyone.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 11:51:03 No.43478927 Report

Quoted By: >>43479778

>>43478740
Alright, yeah, I was.
Guy was fucked up, even then. He was too, I dunno, obsessive. Psycho Lyle, everyone called him.
Ever read one of those Punisher comics? That's who he pretty clearly wanted to be. Got kicked out after breaking a guy's collarbone in two places while doing a simple restraining exercise. Left shouting about how he was gonna give all Gotham's slime what they deserved.
I'm honestly surprised he didn't go postal.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 12:04:35 No.43479320 Report

Quoted By:

>>43444179
Doesn't sound illegal or dangerous, strictly speaking. I say go for it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 12:18:50 No.43479778 Report

Quoted By: >>43480271 >>43480378

>>43478657
>>43478927

Christ, I feel sorry for the ones who went to school with these freaks.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 12:19:40 No.43479804 Report

Quoted By:

>>43439560
lazarus pit

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 12:40:09 No.43480271 Report

Quoted By: >>43480308

>>43479778
Trust me, the perks made it all worthwhile.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 12:41:37 No.43480308 Report

Quoted By: >>43480459

>>43480271

Perks? Like what?

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO huahua.jpg, 14KiB, 132x146

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 12:43:07 No.43480338 Report

Quoted By:

Poorfags everywhere.

How about you get a college degree and work for Luthercorp at Metropolis?

Fucking Gothamites can't find money unless they rob it for Christ's sake.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 12:45:02 No.43480378 Report

Quoted By: >>43480412

>>43479778

I went to school with Crane. I don't know why I'm alive, honestly.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 12:46:26 No.43480411 Report

Quoted By: >>43482332

> Have a bad day at work
> Drive home
> Flip off some jerk driving like a crazy person
> It's the Joker
> He is going to kill but spares me because I say I'll do anything to stay alive.
>Years later he finds me and wants me to do something for him.
> He wants to kill me as a result of some plan to kill Gordon
> Batman shows up.
>I beat the shit out of the Joker.
> I scare the Joker so bad he pleads to Batman for help.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 12:46:30 No.43480412 Report

Quoted By: >>43480501

>>43480378
SOON

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 12:48:26 No.43480459 Report

Quoted By: >>43480609

>>43480308
Well, like I said, cops in Gotham got it made.
Lots of ways to supplement your pay, lots of ways to exercise the law of the concrete jungle. When you're a cop in Gotham, you're a predator and all the civvies are the prey.
You get the idea.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 12:50:03 No.43480501 Report

Quoted By:

>>43480412

..P-please don't scare me like that.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 12:54:16 No.43480609 Report

Quoted By: >>43480694

>>43480459

Don't your work get cut out for you a lot?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 12:57:52 No.43480688 Report

Quoted By:

>Gotham is unsafe
>Move to Hub City
>Move back to Gotham

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 12:58:03 No.43480694 Report

Quoted By:

>>43480609
Eh, I'm not in it for the glory, unlike some. Having a gun and a badge gives you a whole lotta power. You'd have to be an idiot not to use it.

Sure, the Bat does our job for us all the time. Who give a shit? Saves me having to be the one running into some Intergang-connected operation or something.

David D. Anderson

David D. Anderson Sat 01 Dec 2012 13:02:18 No.43480788 Report

Quoted By:

>>43460145
You're an idiot.
Kent has nothing to do with Supes, in fact I think he probably hates him to some degree.
See I use to work at the Planet as a photographer, at least until that little Olsen shit came along - kid was a total brown-nosier and I'm pretty sure he had some creepy cross dressing fetish, but that's another story.
Any way, Kent never touches the Superman stories, he's more interested in the real journalism. All the Supes stuff is written by Lois Lane. She's totally wet for the Boyscout. Thing is though, Kent has a massive crush on Lane. She doesn't know it, but everyone else does. You should see the way Kent almost cries every time Lane starts talking about Big Blue.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 13:13:36 No.43481090 Report

Quoted By: >>43481123

>Want to die
>Move to Gotham years ago
>Still not dead

why

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 13:14:56 No.43481123 Report

Quoted By: >>43481266

>>43481090

Try Hub City.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 13:21:22 No.43481266 Report

Quoted By:

>>43481123
I've been saving up for it. I keep getting robbed.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO bacon.jpg, 68KiB, 659x763

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 13:31:14 No.43481467 Report

Quoted By:

>homeless
>beg for money, no one spares loose change
>hungry
>steal a bag of chips from store
>Batman sees me stealing the chips
>Punches me and takes the chips back.
>lets me off with a "warning"
>still hungry
Thanks Batman!

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO penny.jpg, 12KiB, 224x225

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 13:33:35 No.43481520 Report

Quoted By: >>43481705 >>43481754

>Work at gotham national bank
>Place gets robbed like every other week
> I decide to pocket some money when shit goes down
>Batman talks with gordon after stopping robbers
>Must have caught me on bank tapes or some shit
>Gordon takes me in for questioning
>Son, we know you were stealing money
>Fired from job
>Become homeless
I shall become a new villain in gotham and get revenge on Batman, something monetarily themed

Penny Pincher sound good?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 13:42:04 No.43481705 Report

Quoted By:

>>43481520

Try real hard and maybe you'll be cooler than Condiment King.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO Plunder.jpg, 14KiB, 200x200

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 13:43:54 No.43481754 Report

Quoted By: >>43481910

>>43481520
I think plundering is more your speed

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 13:48:28 No.43481858 Report

Quoted By:

>>43438150
>walking at night in Gotham
>Totally not a criminal
Horse shit you got what you deserved

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO Batman #256 - Page 46.jpg, 70KiB, 518x515

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 13:50:44 No.43481910 Report

Quoted By:

>>43481754
Fucking pennies man

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 14:07:21 No.43482305 Report

Quoted By:

>>43474627
>Be a cop
>Help Tommy Monaghan not get arrested after the fucking Bat gives us a story about how Tommy saved his and the entire JL's asses on the Watchtower but deserves to get arrested because he used guns (classic Batman logic)
>Batman finds out I just dropped him off at Noonans
>Breaks my jaw and spine for helping a local hero not get fucked by his insane moral complex working as admissible court evidence (if Batman says you're the perp, you're the perp)
>Will never walk or talk properly again because I did the exact same thing Batman does, take the law into my own hands to do what's right
Fuck this gay city and the goddam batdick.
At least I get free drinks at Noonan's now.
Not much fun without Pat, Sean, Tommy or Natt though.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 14:08:11 No.43482332 Report

Quoted By:

>>43480411
Let me guess, batman beat you up to protect the joker. fucking asshole. he did the same thing when I smacked around my hooker.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 14:14:59 No.43482467 Report

Quoted By:

>>43437714
>slamming on breaks cause car to flip
>high crime-rate city and units pursue batman beyond year one
>Batman actually being identifiable

Nice try, Joker.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 15:03:51 No.43483247 Report

Quoted By: >>43483270

>Be at the movies, stale popcorn flat soda and shit
>Movie ends, shit was mediocre at best
>Out the back door, family getting robbed,
>Fuck that, go the other direction
>Hear gunshots, walk faster
>Flash forward 20 years, hear Bat origin

You're welcome Gotham

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 15:05:33 No.43483270 Report

Quoted By:

>>43483247
truly you are the hero we need most in these darkest of times.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 16:24:35 No.43484094 Report

Quoted By:

>Be an office worker at Wayne Foundation
>Walk into storeroom
>Catch CEO of company AND his *cough*ward*cough* with their trousers round their ankles, unbuttoning shirts.
>On top of this, wearing Batman & Robin underwear.
>Walk out of company. Kinky cosplaying freaks. Hope Batman kicks his ass. Dick indeed.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 16:42:10 No.43484214 Report

Quoted By:

>>43440135

I can totally see this shit happening, too.

Sousuke !!9DB4HjTVG3V

Sousuke !!9DB4HjTVG3V Sat 01 Dec 2012 16:45:58 No.43484248 Report

Quoted By:

>going to my apartment
>getting mugged
>see batman running
>HEY BATMAN HELP ME
>Ignored me and continues running
Fuck you batman.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 16:52:50 No.43484287 Report

Quoted By:

>>43444710
I can vouch for the Rogues. Might not pay as consistantly as, say, the Penguin or Two-Face, but they are far less likely to kill you for no reason. Those guys have class and like to rehire if you do a decent job.
>Me and my buddy get a gig with Mirror Master and Cold
>We get set with six other people and are split into two groups of four. My bud is with Mirror Master, I go with Cold.
>The job is a simple bank heist to fund a bigger job. My group distracts the Flash with the Captain while MM and his gang get the money via mirror in the bank vault that my bud planted in there earlier in the week.
>I take a hefty beating and break a rib, but I can tell the Flash is taking it easy on us. We manage to distract the Flash long enough to get the job done, and Cold preps our getaway.
>Problem is fucking Kid Flash steps in and cleans house. The Cap'n gets away though.
>I get let off easy with a five month sentence, since our connection with the Mirror Master heist was not proven. Thanks well payed Rouge lawyers!
>When I get out, I find that my bank account has an extra 30k in it, from of Cold and the other Rouges.
I already got an invitation to help for the bigger job they were funding.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 17:03:37 No.43484380 Report

Quoted By:

>Rent a small place close to Gotham National Bank
>Painting the place
>Batman smashes through my wall with some flavor of the week criminal
>Goddamn it, all my hard work!
>This happens every single week
I think I know why the apartment was so cheap to rent.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 21:19:41 No.43487645 Report

Quoted By:

>>43476712
Bitch blew his eardrums out. He'll never hear again. She also destroyed his entire store. Insurance don't cover it.

I dunno about you, but that's a clear case of assault with a hefty payoff for his pain and suffering.

Judge Anon

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO Reservoir Dogs - Mr Pink 04.jpg, 32KiB, 360x293

Judge Anon Sat 01 Dec 2012 21:23:07 No.43487680 Report

Quoted By: >>43487725

>>Late night at work
>>Walking back home
>>Get mugged
>>Whatever, just take it, friggin' tuesdays--
>>Shadowy figure comes outta nowhere, beats the shit outta mugger
>>"Hey, thanks Batma--"
>>It's a gimp
>>A girl gimp in a Batman-like costume
>>She waves hello and jumps up a fire escape

What... the... FUCK?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 01 Dec 2012 21:26:42 No.43487725 Report

Quoted By:

>>43487680
Heh, I read that in his voice.

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