/fit/ - Fitness » Thread #12648162

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Medieval /fit/

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 06:07:10 No.12648162 View View Reply Original Report

Quoted By:

>Went to ye marketplace tis morning for acquiring ye supplements
>Maid known to me cometh towards and sayeth
>"I must say thy appearance is like that of a stede. Hast thou been training in ye barracks?"
>"Y-yes. Th-thanks, thou too."
She desireth to fornicate

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 17:23:19 No.12653811 Report

Quoted By: >>12653850

Aye, fellows at arms. Let us ensconce our manuscript, replete with illuminations, in parchments and binding for storage in our library and future perusal.

I also inquire, how doth one achieve the strength of Sir Lancelot?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 17:25:55 No.12653828 Report

Quoted By:

>>12653721
Aye, but it said now and thoust hold thine tongue hence; appear not at my great transgression in eager malice: for it has been so that when the moon is dull and ale beyond thirst, thine fleshly arms greedily trespass upon the unfastened racks for support a great gesture curling the empty mead barrel.

A quicksilver runneth verily so betwixt the supple babe flesh and expansive knotting musculature drawing thy sword hand in length.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 17:28:13 No.12653850 Report

Quoted By: >>12653890 >>12653930

>>12653811

By enticing one's lance a lot

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 17:29:16 No.12653862 Report

Quoted By:

>That feelith whence desire for but one maiden
>That feelith when under 10 knots master race
>That feelith when no maiden desires under 10 knot master race
wenches aint excrement

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 17:30:42 No.12653872 Report

Quoted By:

those fine-sound stories are truly amusing, my good men
>my flanks

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 17:32:21 No.12653890 Report

Quoted By:

>>12653850
How such jocularities bespeak of thou humours! By and by to you side this very eve I come fledging a weakened composure.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 17:35:46 No.12653920 Report

Quoted By:

If thy phallic appendage be under thou 7 inch, why hath thou not murdered thyself

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 17:37:12 No.12653930 Report

Quoted By:

>>>12653850
How thou intentions muster upon a more gentle affection unspoken between our sexes in kind.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 17:38:14 No.12653941 Report

Quoted By: >>12653950

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 17:39:14 No.12653947 Report

Quoted By: >>12653975 >>12653978

ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard ITT Trying too hard

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 17:39:32 No.12653950 Report

Quoted By:

>>12653941
>>12653941
>>12653941
>>12653941
>>12653941

Anonymous

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long live this fateful yarn

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 17:41:40 No.12653973 Report

Quoted By:

>Long live this that fateful yarn
>who's contents hath granted me much mirth
>may its strength prevail undaunting till nightfall
>then i shall read it anew
>for i must go do a mans daily work
>such that I may aquire estate, and court maidens

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 17:41:43 No.12653975 Report

Quoted By:

>>12653947
canst thou not observe the irony in thy proclamation?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 17:41:52 No.12653978 Report

Quoted By:

>>12653947

hast thou reacht a stayt of frustraysion?
doth one's rear ache?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 17:49:40 No.12654043 Report

Quoted By: >>12654166

>>12653754
"I prayed all night to the lord,
Inquireth not, thy pleas will be ignored
Both God and thee I adored
Yet thou impede my path

For this I'd forsake my land
My name and wealth for your hand
This courtship was never planned
Yet thou impede my path

Your gaze did not once waiver,
torn skirts, flesh to savour
hellish eve, winds yet graver
If thou wouldst stray, then stray where maiden?"

I too am much enamoured of this ballad, doting upon it's melodies and verse when hoisting in the barracks, partaking of ale in the tavern, and late into the night when poring over books of lore in my chambers.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 17:58:55 No.12654114 Report

Quoted By:

What didst thou prate anon, thou whoreson minimus? I'll have thee wot I have attained the rank of Knight Grand Cross Of The Temple Of Jerusalem, and partaken me of multitudinous crusades against the heathen blackamoor. I have dedicated more than fifteen-score heathen cleansings to my Lord. Having leadeth the charge at Montgisard, I disembowelled more infidels than any other Poor-Knight present. You are nought to me but a godless barbarian. I will smite thee with an exactitude God himself hath not witnessed. You presume to sleight me through the words of your messenger? Thou deceivest thyself, thou tawny tartar. As thou pratest anon, I giveth instruction to an Order that extendeth the breadth of God's lands. E'en now, my sergeants labour to descry the jakes in which thou cowareth. Thou hadst best prepare thyself to be judged by thy creator - a judgement which will smite thee more severely than the Archangel Michael smote Satan. My influence extendeth throughout all this sphere and the very hereafter. I can maketh worm-fodder of thee in countless fashions, all painful as the stings of purgatory. Not only doth my apothecary craft the most deadly draughts in Christendom; I can call on the massed puissance of the Order whene'er I have need. I shall not give pause to employ any hugger-mugger, no care how dark, to smother thy feeble light. Hadst thou known what perdition would upon thou fallest, perchance thou wouldst not have wagged thy tongue like a slattern fishwife. Alas, 'tis not so; thou didst not, and now thou payest thy penance, thou swollen parcel of dropsies. I will excrete ire and in that tempest thou shalt inhale thy last. Thou art carrion for crows, puppet.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 18:04:15 No.12654166 Report

Quoted By:

>>12654043
That is beautiful, you sir, are a both a gentleman and a scholar. Fucking 5 star post.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 18:13:05 No.12654244 Report

Quoted By:

>hoisting thine tales of noble glory heavenwards

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 18:25:27 No.12654351 Report

Quoted By:

Greetings peasants,

My name is Jean-Baptiste, and I despise every single one of thee. Thou art all without exception; thin, illiterate, no-lifes who blasphemously waste every second of God's gift of the day gazing upon follysome woodcuts. Thou art the embodiment of all evils the devil has beset upon mankind. Upon the worthless word of thine knavish houses, has a single man among thee known the warmth of a wenches flesh? My thoughts therefore are such; I suppose it is amusing, making merriment of the misfortunes of others, to cool the heated hooves of the demons that dance in thine own heart, but thou hath made an art of such foolery. Such a thing is a sin graver still than spilling thine seed to the tapestries of local women hung about the market places.

Do not remain unknown to me. Simply strike at me with all your might. Though pretensions of perfection would be an offence to our Lord God, I am as good a man as any, and better than most. I was captain of the King's cavalry, and led many men into glorious victory. What noble war hath thou made, other than "brawling over scraps of bread in the gutter"? I also am able to read more than three score words, and possess a fertile and well-fed wife (She recently bore me another son; This event was MOST fortuitous). Thou art all peasants who would be better to commit the cardinal sin of self-murder and suffer the cleansing fire of hell for eternity, than spend one more moment disgracing thineselves upon God's green earth. My thanks for your consideration of my words.

Portrait Related: It is of myself and my wife.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 18:28:52 No.12654387 Report

Quoted By:

>>12652412
>I want a drawfag to make a comic of this.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 18:33:35 No.12654432 Report

Quoted By:

See Roman Numerals: Stop Reading.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 18:54:57 No.12654630 Report

Quoted By: >>12654692 >>12654748

>be curvaceous maiden
>'twas inherited from mine father and mother, not from mine gluttony
>I beseech a farm lad as to how I might fit into mine corset by summer
>farm lad sayeth I may aid him in tending ye fields
>nay, I tell him. I desireth merely to temper mine figure, not to acquire ye visage of a blacksmith

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 19:00:26 No.12654692 Report

Quoted By:

>>12654630
>thou proclaimest to have greater knowledge than any lad?
>the year of our Lord 1412
>practising witchcrafte
>I surely pray yon folke don't engage this behaviour.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 19:06:41 No.12654748 Report

Quoted By:

>>12654630
Unless thou displays a tapestry of thine bountiful bosom, begone from these shores, blubberous seamonster.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 19:23:53 No.12654896 Report

Quoted By: >>12655106

Uppon this occassion
Gather and boast of thine physical achievements

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 19:32:27 No.12654988 Report

Quoted By: >>12655027 >>12655070

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0fRxDssWsIH

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 19:36:25 No.12655027 Report

Quoted By: >>12655123

>>12654988
I beseech you, recite more.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 19:41:12 No.12655070 Report

Quoted By:

>>12654988
This vocal re-enactment! I like it! Another!

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 19:43:28 No.12655106 Report

Quoted By:

>>12654896
Doth thou place thine importance on physical conditionments?

Surely thine feeble attempts to impress the dames and damsels shall go amiss, as such is your direly peasant status, plebian.

>One surely prays that you forgoe such inappropriate acts in the future.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 19:44:59 No.12655123 Report

Quoted By: >>12655367

>>12655027
Then so be it.
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0J5DdjYjMhN
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0DLyInUiJCB

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 19:54:03 No.12655224 Report

Quoted By: >>12655367

>Thine overwhelming despair whence thine fair maidens cannot be had.

Shalt we thusly gather together? Doth thou gentlemales find empathy in thou strong, albeit lonely, hearts?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 20:06:44 No.12655367 Report

Quoted By: >>12655481

>>12655224
Nay, though this despair is well known to many here, such talk is is ill suited to this place, as it is dedicated to the discussion of our earthly frames and the improvement thereof. I humbly suggest that thou might fare better in /woes/.

>>12655123
This affords me more amusement than mine body is able to comfortably contain, and thus mine sides are pained with the merriment it inspires within me.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 20:15:56 No.12655481 Report

Quoted By:

>>12655367
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0PjNbUvlG31

Badboll !!reb+xnyHAgQ

Badboll !!reb+xnyHAgQ Fri 18 May 2012 20:25:46 No.12655589 Report

Quoted By:

>Walk in to ye olde potion shoppe to buy some fermented goat piss
> Curvaceous maiden tells me it will be 4 brass coins
>The present of said curvaceous maiden maketh me nervous
>Sweat starts to run down my armour
>Reach into my coin purse
>Wheat falleth from mine britches
> Curvaceous maiden starts to laugh
>Run out, jump on my steed and head home, crying

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 20:29:55 No.12655655 Report

Quoted By: >>12655907

>Traveling through the land, hoisting my lord's standard.
>Come upon a rapierbrother attempting to protect a damsel from bandits and failing.
>"Stand aside, squire, for I have FUNCTIONAL SWORDSMANSHIP!"
>I defeat the brigands with ease.
>The lady professes her thanks and lusty admiration.
>"Excuse me, I have a crusade to continue."

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 20:51:33 No.12655907 Report

Quoted By: >>12656101

>>12655655
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0ycjcMPFQ5S

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 20:55:24 No.12655953 Report

Quoted By:

This Thread

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 20:57:54 No.12655982 Report

Quoted By:

This entire discourse moves thine sides to tremble in delight!

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 21:06:53 No.12656101 Report

Quoted By:

>>12655907
gold

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 21:14:33 No.12656200 Report

Quoted By: >>12656222 >>12657440

>be at marketplace purchasing Breast of Chyken, Tongue of Sparrowe, etc.
>alle of a sudden, Celestialle Body and her broode of smalle Moones appeareth
>Celestialle Body proceeds to order six sides of bacon, a whole Pygge, fried Potatoes, and shaken Cowe's Milke
>eldest Moone asketh "Pray, mother, might I have vegetables? For I heareth that mine girthe exceeding mine height beith a sign of Poore Healthe."
>Celestialle Body replieth, "Forsooth! Fried Potatoes art vegetables, foolish child! Thou needest not food of the Rabbitte."
>mfw I possesseth not a visage to encompass mine rage

and

>be on haycart, riding to castle
>spherical wench sitteth at Fronte, on bale for the Aged or Infirme
>wizened olde man boardeth, asketh her for Seate
>she claimeth infirmity
>olde man sayeth, "Thine only infirmity beith thine considerable Girthe!"
>rotunde wench getteth off haycart at next Towne, headeth into nearest McTudor's

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 21:14:59 No.12656204 Report

Quoted By:

AYYYYYEEE COHORT!

It would seem that the rabble desires mine sinewy countenance but it is apparent they do not want to encumber their person with the adequately cumbersome ballast

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 21:16:47 No.12656222 Report

Quoted By:

>>12656200
>>alle of a sudden, Celestialle Body and her broode of smalle Moones appeareth

OH THIS NIGGER

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 22:29:46 No.12657118 Report

Quoted By:

thou shall not perish on mine watch

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 22:43:47 No.12657278 Report

Quoted By:

This thread is gold.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 22:54:50 No.12657440 Report

Quoted By:

>>12656200
>McTudor's
yonderswarthmoor.woodcut

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 18 May 2012 23:55:40 No.12658072 Report

Quoted By:

>training at the barracks of the finest learning institution of the principality
>A knight of a house unknown to me enters
>He appears to be a man of honor and true knowledge of iron wielding
>Suddenly, he beseeches the attending squire of the hoisting hall
> Insistently questions as to why the barracks lacks musical bards, insists there be an end to the beautiful silence in the hall
>Has he not ventured to the opposing hall, where most horrid bards bellow and dishonorable pikeman joust in the sword ring?
>he proceeds to lunge to and fro across the hall, without hoisting any iron
>alas, he is finally vanquished from the hoisting hall
>dost thou even hoist?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 19 May 2012 01:03:38 No.12658922 Report

Quoted By:

>Will thou please to react favorably at mine communication?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 19 May 2012 01:24:41 No.12659212 Report

Quoted By:

>walketh from my castle to the olde ale house upon the street
>fair maiden is being harassed by two unscrupulous individuals
>climb off my steed and withdraw my sword
>"be gone or come hither to meet thine end"
>they turn around and run
>knightly as fuck

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 19 May 2012 04:08:53 No.12661168 Report

Quoted By:

>"Hark, I hast recently made thou acquaintance
>"This may seemeth akin to madness
>"behold my standard
>"dispatch unto me a missive

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 19 May 2012 04:32:05 No.12661452 Report

Quoted By:

Henceforth I speak unto ye a tale most assuredly true. Nary it be even three fortnights hence mine own body had been as a newly birthed calf. Take heart, brethren! For now do I most truthfully and virtuously proclaim to have hoisted not merely one, but two full plates of iron during the partaking of the rear positioned lowering movement! I announce to all such knaves and cretins in the King's own domain, get thy selves towards mine own self if thou dost accuse my person of falsehoods!

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