/fit/ - Fitness » Thread #11515867

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Diarrhea Stories

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 06:45:00 No.11515867 View View Reply Original Report

Quoted By: >>11516242 >>11519509

Hey /fit/, here's a new one: diarrhea stories

> at work (coach little-league sports)
> diarrhea strikes
> "kids, take 5!"
> search for toilet
> nope
> "i can hold it"
> nope
> "okay kids really sorry but i've got to go! see you next week!"
> :awwwww:
> cut session half an hour short
> run to car
> traffic
> so much traffic
> contemplate shitting myself in car
> had i shat myself it would have been the biggest shit of all time
> suddenly home
> suddenly on toilet
> suddenly my gainz

anonymous

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anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 06:57:00 No.11515999 Report

Quoted By: >>11519149

this one time

>ate bad seafood
>go to bed
>wake up and sprint to toilet
>bend over to throw up
>exsplosive diarrhea all over wall
>didn't even puke
>mfw

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:05:00 No.11516106 Report

Quoted By:

>mid fart
>worst time to learn you've got the hershey squirts

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:09:00 No.11516139 Report

Quoted By:

I like where this thread is going.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:09:00 No.11516142 Report

Quoted By:

>in middle school
>feel constipated
>go to bathroom
>on can for 10 minutes without any bowel movements
>finally rip a HUGE fart
>individual pieces of corn come shooting out of my ass
>wipe ass, put pants back on
>ugh-oh, round 2
>more corn comes out
>20 minutes later, I finish
>say nothing rest of day

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:11:00 No.11516164 Report

Quoted By:

>having sex
>start shitting everywhere
>shit out what looks like an undigested cut-up hot dog
>she starts screaming
>I start screaming
>I cum

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:11:00 No.11516166 Report

Quoted By:

>have to shit
>massive shit, surface breacher
>30 minutes later
>have to shit again
>runny shit, messy
>20 minutes later
>full on pudding explosion
>mfw when shit dams

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:14:00 No.11516183 Report

Quoted By: >>11521392

>first day of 3rd grade
>hundreds of kids lined up by home room outside
>need to fart
>peruvian mudslide in my pants.
>run inside
>mom helps me fix it.
>i love my mom :)

pic related

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:18:00 No.11516212 Report

Quoted By: >>11516351

>go to toilet
>poop quietly
>wipe as until nothing appears on paper
>wash ass with wet paper
>dry asshole
>go around thinking I smell like shit the rest of the day

i hate my life

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:18:00 No.11516214 Report

Quoted By: >>11516261

>like pears as a kid
>stopped eating them for some reason
>last week i decided to eat one
>oh god why did i stop
>eat 3 pears that morning
>go to uni
>during lecture i feel the familiar feeling of an assplosion approaching
>run out to the bathroom
>imagine niagra falls, except the water is shit
>go home and wiki pears
>"insoluble fiber in the skin of a pear makes it an excellent laxative"

Fuck pears

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:19:00 No.11516227 Report

Quoted By: >>11516250

>normal day on toilet minding my business
>listening to music and doing sudoku puzzles
>feel a big dry solid ball of poop coming
>you've met your match poop
>get into natural squatting position
>constrict muscles
>poop slowly makes its way out of my ass after one year
>sigh of relief when I hear 'ploop'
>suddenly
>FLOODGATES OPEN
>ENDLESS SHIT
>OH GOD MY ASS BURNING MY ASS
>OHGODOGFOSGOD
>while I sit there at the whim of bowels, I contemplate how my body has such powers
>the shitting noises were so powerful that they were bouncing off the toilet ball at rock concert decibel levels
>my asshole literally feels like someone put a dildo on the barbecue and then that person is sodomizing me with it
>suddenly stop shitting
>faint because blood rushing to head
>wake up a few seconds later
>wipe
>go back to 4chan

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:21:00 No.11516242 Report

Quoted By: >>11516442

>>11515867
>4th of July
>family went out of town I stayed home cuz I didn't want to deal with the ride (SJ to LA 6hrs)
>get a call from buddy
>got fire works, wants me to go over
>it's not that far, I guess ill walk.
>its maybe a 15 min walk
>halfway there....MUDBUTT
>my gut growls, that shit doesn't want to be in me anymore
>go into shit labor contractions
>look across the street, hot girl I have a crush on from HS is chillin with friends
>stumbling due to squeezing ass cheeks so as not to shit myself
>look drunk from stubling, but girls have not noticed
>see one of my friends drive by in his truck, YES
>call out to him, he ignores me and drives off in direction of friend's house
>what should have been a 5 min walk (from where the runs hit) feels like an eternity
>finally show up to friends house....destroy his bathroom
>the whole house stinks, house smell will never be the same.
>even though its the runs, still mange to clog toilet. wtF?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:22:00 No.11516250 Report

Quoted By:

>>11516227
>you've met your match poop
fucking loled

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:24:00 No.11516261 Report

Quoted By:

>>11516214
Did not know that... awesome.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:26:00 No.11516275 Report

Quoted By: >>11516289 >>11516297 >>11517367

>Am 15 at gamestop
>See new Atlus game and get all excited, pull out my summer job money
>Feel fart coming on, decide to let it out silently
>Feel wetness in pants
>Go to counter, by gaem, walk to mom's car
>Get home, big shit stain on back of pants
>I got me some Atlus tho!
True story, PS I am a girl

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:26:00 No.11516277 Report

Quoted By:

>at gf's house
>been dating a few months
>fooling around on her couch
>she presses against my stomach
>oh gawd oh man, wtf is?!
>have to poop, too embarresed to tell her
>leave, run home, treacling butt water down legs
>get inside, sprint for toilet, shit like shitting's going out of fashion
>clean myself, shower
>go back to gf's
>we fuck

everything went better than expected
>

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:27:00 No.11516289 Report

Quoted By: >>11517577

>>11516275
That was your body rejecting the god awful game you're buying.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:28:00 No.11516297 Report

Quoted By:

>>11516275

lawl, makes me remember that girls can be just as gross if not more than guys

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:29:00 No.11516314 Report

Quoted By:

>Ate a some chinese place, food was great
>wait there's a catch, Mao's Revenge
>stomach hurting all day long, stomach is hurting
>stomach becomes super bloated
>my Mom's friends come over for bible study (mom is all religious)
>they are in kitchen which is in view from the hall, at the start of the hall is the bathroom door
>you can see the bathroom door from where they are sitting, which means you can hear everything too
>So anyway, sitting in the bathroom, when all of a sudden. BOOM
>Thunder and lightning, streams of hot liquid shit followed by loud ass farts
>farts are whats causing the shit to squirt out at such high speeds
>20 mins later stop shitting, my ass is sore, it stings, the whole toilet bowl is splattered.
>my house is the empire, the smell is the Thalmor.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:30:00 No.11516318 Report

Quoted By: >>11516334 >>11516361 >>11516369

>dating girl I haven't seen in a year
>with her in hotel
>get food poisoning
>puking and shitting in the toilet
>utterly utterly obliterated mentally and physically, genuinely thought I might die
>called hospital while puking
>sat on toilet shitting, called for her to come and flush while I sat there shitting
>puking into toilet while shitting into a towel that she put into a garbage bag

beat that nigger

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:32:00 No.11516334 Report

Quoted By:

>>11516318
That last one, what the fuck.

>Sit on toilet shitting
>Puke into ice bucket, empty when finished
Why couldn't you just do that?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:33:00 No.11516351 Report

Quoted By:

>>11516212

Dat paranoia. Know that feel.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:35:00 No.11516361 Report

Quoted By:

>>11516318
You couldn't just puke in the garbage can and then empty it out?
Bro, seriously....

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:36:00 No.11516369 Report

Quoted By:

>>11516318
how did it go with the girl?! did u try anal?

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:37:00 No.11516380 Report

Quoted By:

>At party, playing drinking games
>Feel urge to shit, decide to walk it off
>Not working, head towards bathroom
>Lineup consists of friend and girlfriend
>girlfriend goes in first
>feel the shit coming out, mfw
>clench tightly, can't hold any longer,
>kick my girlfriend out of the bathroom, claim I need to puke
>take huge diarrhea dump in someone's bathroom
>go home, still feigning sickness
>finish shitting out whatever is left in my body at home, girlfriend is too wasted to notice me shitting for 20 mins straight
and that's the story of how I almost shit myself in front of my gf, friends, and a party full of my peers

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:39:00 No.11516401 Report

Quoted By:

>be 4 or 5 years old
>i still like diapers
>dad wants me to use toilet
>no way bro, too scary
>washing my hands in the sink
>feel shit coming
>yell to dad "DIAPER DIAPER DIAPER"
>he yells "TOILET TOILET TOILET"
>too late, shit on floor
>watch him clean up my shit

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:41:00 No.11516409 Report

Quoted By: >>11516442

>walking home from work
>needed to take a shit for the last 3-4 hours, but hold it
>its a 25 min walk home
>have to stop ever 3 min and let the pressure recide into my body again
>think im gonna shit myself
>get to door at home
>tripping my feet, feel like im dying
>walk slowly up stairs to bathroom because i feel like any sudden movements will be the end of me
>get to toilet
>release the Kraken

>oh man.. the release of tension.... amazing

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:45:00 No.11516441 Report

Quoted By:

> driving with friend
> suddenly horrible stomach pains
> ohgodohgodineedtoshit
> stop at gas station
> they don't have a bathroom
> ohfuckohfuck
> get to the next gas station
> mutter something unintelligible to the lady inside
> stumble to the toilet
> at first nothing, then a fat log of shit
> then posiedon releases the kraken
> hot lava shit spraying at 100 mph
> for twenty minutes straight
> the pain, oh the pain
> I only need to wipe once, strange
> hobble out of the bathroom
> friend is freaking out, thought I had died

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:45:00 No.11516442 Report

Quoted By:

>>11516409
the longer you hold it, the better it feels upon release
>>11516242
>shit labor contractions
died a little

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:48:00 No.11516473 Report

Quoted By:

>be 7
>Be at a friend girls house
>go to poop
>have diarrhea
>don't know what that was at the time
>think I was peeing poop
>Go around telling people I was a girl for a week until my pe teacher over heard me and explained to me what diarrhea was.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:49:00 No.11516486 Report

Quoted By:

>be at fotball field at night
>just ate some fastfood
>sudden urge to shit
>think "I can hold it, we're only gonna play for 40 minutes or something"
>while waiting for other players I realize I can't hold it
>walk into woods
>shit
>cover it with leaves
>go back and tell friend I had to shit in the woods
>hfw
>idgaf

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:53:00 No.11516519 Report

Quoted By:

DID YOU KNOW:

do you like the feel of pooping?

you should try getting fucked in the ass by someones penis, the feeling is like taking a large dump

>no homo

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:53:00 No.11516520 Report

Quoted By: >>11516599

>fat kid days
>ate at a buffet
>got an oreo brownie earthquake on the way home from dq (why)
>still driving home, run into the house and dry heave
>nothing comes out but shit from my ass from the shear force
>then both ends are expelling solids that I simply could not identify
>one of the most traumatic moments of my life.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 07:57:00 No.11516557 Report

Quoted By:

Fuck these stories are funny, even better then most fatty stories. Keep it up bros.

http://www.livememe.com

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http://www.livememe.com Sat 10 Mar 2012 08:01:00 No.11516599 Report

Quoted By: >>11516616

>>11516520
i just watched this scene 5 mins ago
fucking exploding /fit/ hivemind brofist

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 08:03:00 No.11516616 Report

Quoted By:

>>11516599
and why the fuck did this name appear when i didn't even type anything in?
what is this bullshit?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 08:06:00 No.11516654 Report

Quoted By:

>have a job interview
>be driving to said interview
>im running late, so i decide not to shit at home
>"its ok i dont have to go that bad, i can last"
>30 mins later in my car my gut doesn't want to hold my shit anymore
>I can tell its going to be wet, and hot.
>drive around, fuck....interview is in 5 mins
>run into a Boston Market, rush to their bathroom
>a Dad is changing his kid in the stall
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!
>wait for 2 mins, which in needtoshittime = 2,900 years
>he finally opens the stall, as soon as he steps out I rush into the stall
>explode all over the toilet
>wipe
>go to interview with paranoia of smelling like the shit I just took
>arrive 20 mins late, dont get the job.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 08:09:00 No.11516684 Report

Quoted By:

several months ago I ate some Safeway fat free ice cream, got the runs+farts so bad, it sounded like a machine gun was going off in there. I get up and look down, the bowl had the 360 degree spread, liquid shit coating the bowl almost up to the rim.

I felt sort of proud.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 08:14:00 No.11516743 Report

Quoted By:

>freshman at all black school (troubled teen)
>in a thuggy guitar class
>bad stomach pains and gurgaly hot farts
>text my mom and dad to come pick me up so I can shit
The bathrooms at this school look like hell, doors ripped off, toilet seats gone. They shit on the edges and floors and never flush. They stole the toilet paper too.
>parents fail on me.
>no more waiting on my saviors.
>go to bathroom
>prop broken door up where it (should) be
>hover over toilet without touching it
>continue to release liquid lava
>remember there is no toilet paper
>take boxers off and give myself a good wipe
>throw boxers on floor
>go back to class like nothing happened
>parents eventually check me out

Everything went better than expected

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 08:19:00 No.11516807 Report

Quoted By:

>be 18
>attempt to do the gallon challenge
>get to final 8 oz cup, get milk poisoning, hold in my vomit and pass out on my bed
>wake up, stagger to bathroom
>shit out entirely white turds
>call my new college friends into bathroom to look
>mfw we became best friends that day

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 08:26:00 No.11516896 Report

Quoted By:

Ever get the squirts so bad that you have to wipe the shit off your balls? :(

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 08:43:00 No.11517072 Report

Quoted By:

please let there be more stories. i am crying from laughter.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 08:48:00 No.11517111 Report

Quoted By:

>be really sick
>go to hospital
>they say its viral, but here's some pain medicine, oh and it might make your stomach upset
>whatever
>30 minute ride home
>13 minutes in, stomach issues a state of address about my ass
>address reads: nigger you need to shit
>clench cheeks so hard to not shit self
>feel the hot sweat of pre-lava shits
>farts erupt, stink up vehicle so bad the fabric never smelled fresh again
>get to apartment, live on second floor
>gingerly go up stairs so as not to shit self but trying not to pass out from need to shit
>leave front door open because of sudden need to shit
>no time to shut bathroom door
>shit erupts before pants drop
>30 minutes of lava and the most retched smell on earth happen
>mfw when someone walks by door, sees me shitting. they keep walking.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 08:54:00 No.11517172 Report

Quoted By:

>sophomore year at college
>Eating at Cafeteria
>Caferteria food is known to give us diarrhea
>Walking back to dorm (about 1/2 mile) with hot chick
>Feel the rumble.
>Start to sqeeze ass and walk slowly to prevent shiting my pants
>I start sweating
>Girl notices something is wrong. I tell her Im cramping up, and to give me a second.
>I get over it, start walking, 500 feet, I start feeling it again
>I straight up shit my pants
>Instantly the girl smells it
>She starts gagging and vomits everywhere
>Shit running down my jeans
>she runs away from me
>the girl never talks to me again, told some girls about it
>I over came the odds, fucked her roommate who knew about it, made her pissed off a week later

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 08:55:00 No.11517174 Report

Quoted By:

>be at cross country practice
>about 3 miles from nearest toilet
>"it's ok I think I can make it"
>nope.jpg
>look around for a place to shit
>there's these bushes, in front of this nice house
>pull my shorts down and go to work
>owner of house notices a small Mexican boy shitting in his bushes
>owner starts sprinting full out towards me
>pull up shorts in mid shit.
>coach makes me stretch about 40 feet away from the rest of the team

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 09:05:00 No.11517285 Report

Quoted By: >>11521778

>be today
>ate 2 cups oatz for breakfast
>have chicken for dinner at some restaurant
>all in a sudden have to poop
>brb mom
>omg im not gonna make it
>fuarrrrkkkkkk, FLEXING BUTHOLE
>wtf my zipper is stuck
>WTF I JUST HALF POOPED IN MY SHORTS
>literally looks like i didnt digest any of the oatz
>looks like oatmeal with with chocolate milk
>have to clean up mess
>bro walks in, and yells OH SHIT MAIN WATS DAT SMELL
>lmao
>might as well eat it
>didnt taste that bad
>flushed underwear in toilet
>LMAO FLOODED SON
>cleaned shorts in sink
>basketball shorts, dried quick

everything went better than expected

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 09:08:00 No.11517305 Report

Quoted By: >>11517372

Do you guys use SHITCON levels to determine the severity of your shit condition?

For example, SHITCON 5 is like, just pinched a clean loaf, could jump on a trampoline happily, SHITCON 2 is like you are physically in pain and couldn't hold a casual conversation with a friend, etc, SHITCON 1 is shitting or imminent shitting in your pants

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 09:08:00 No.11517307 Report

Quoted By: >>11517605

My Dad owns a tire shop in Hayward,Ca and I fucking hate using the bathroom there because people seriously dont know how to aim for the fucking toilet, this one day though, I could not hold back this waste baby

>Be taking inventory, stacking tires, all that shit
>Turdy McTurd is ready to be born
>run to the toilet, surface breacher is born
>flush that beast... reluctantly since it was so perfectly shaped and magnificent.
>go to wipe my ass....
>oh no!
>as I wipe a fart escapes, causing shit explosion
>arm (yes my whole fucking forearm) is covered in shit, gooey, runny, warm, shit
>wash it right quick, take a whiff
mfw it still smells

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 09:13:00 No.11517367 Report

Quoted By:

>>11516275
/v/ here. This is fucking gold.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 09:14:00 No.11517372 Report

Quoted By:

>>11517305
I've experienced worse than shitcon 1
you could say I've experience shitcon -5

>few months ago
>have stomach virus or something
>so much shitting that I moved my computer and bed to the bathroom
>every ten minutes explosive shitting
>drains all my energy after every time
>have to drink gallons of water to keep body hydrated
>there were times when I had to vomit and shit at the same time
>couldn't choose quick enough
>had hands full of vomit trying to keep it down and burning shit from my ass
>in pain the entire day
>virus lasted 48 hours
>never forget

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 09:28:00 No.11517505 Report

Quoted By:

>Christmas break
>Bunch of family driving from Seattle to central Oregon to stay at skiing resort
>Ride with grandparents
>Going through pass
>One way
>One lane open
>Icy roads
>Bored, no phone service
>Watching the passing signs
>Next Rest Stop: 70 Miles
>Suddenly it hits
>That ineedtoshitrightnow feel
>Tell grandpa we need to stop, he says he will next chance
>Painfully clench my butt for nearly two hours before we finally hit a gas station
>Burst out of the car sprinting once we roll into parking lot
>Dash to the bathroom
>Dad and his two little kids in line in front of me
>Have to wait another 20 minutes
>Starting to black out
>Kids finally emerge
>Stiff arm kid in face as I push my way in
>Before my cheeks even hit the seat it all explodes out
>Nearly have an orgasm due to the sheer pleasure
>Toilet nearly filled up to the brim with shit and toilet paper
>Flush
>It starts to go down, then starts to come back up
>Starts overflowing
>Fuck fuck fuck, quickly wash hands and open door
>A long line has formed
>Walk straight to car outside
>Tell grandpa we need to leave, right now
>As we pull onto highway, turn around and see 7 people filing out the door

>my face as the shit exploded out

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 09:30:00 No.11517537 Report

Quoted By:

I don't poop, helps me keep the swoleness inside my body.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 09:33:00 No.11517577 Report

Quoted By:

>>11516289
Etrian Odyssey 4 is coming out and I can't wait for it~

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 09:35:00 No.11517605 Report

Quoted By:

>>11517307
>your story
>in a good way

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 09:35:00 No.11517607 Report

Quoted By: >>11517653

>Spending the summer with my aunt while my rents are off on holiday
>she got divorced last year, and apparently she's been having a hard time finding a new guy
>anyways been here the past month and a half
>out in the pool, just doing dives and flips and shit
>aunt struts out in a really skimpy bikini
>awe struck, seriously just standing there slack jawed
>she smiles and laughs
>she lays out on a beach chair
>huge tits
>swimming around,sneaking peeks
>massive erection.jpg
>she flips over
>dat ass
>she is facing the other way so I just start staring
>she asks me to come over and put some lotion on her back
>fuck shit fuck I have this huge boner
>man up, get out and pull up a chair
>grab the lotion and start up on her shoulders
>oh that feels nice anon, don't forget to get my lower back
>move down
>lower please
>this continues, eventually hands on her ass
>so fucking hard
>anon get my inner thigh
>move to her thighs
>you missed a spot a bit higher
>move my hands up and start rubbing lotion all over her pussy
>shes moaning hard
>I seriously jizz in my pants
>freak out, don't know what to do
>run inside to the laundry room
>take shorts off, throw them in the wash & start it
>aunt walks in
>bites her lip and closes the door
>lets finish this anon
>she grabs my junk and starts playing with it as we make out
>pick her up
>making out
>start kissing her neck as I set her on the washer
>its going full blast now
>move down to her breasts
>start kissing and sucking
>the whole machine is rocking and shes moaning like crazy
>her swimsuit is soaking fucking wet
>she cums as I start sucking on her nipples
>she jumps off grabs me by the hand and leads me to her bedroom
>magic ensued

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 09:36:00 No.11517620 Report

Quoted By: >>11517666

>have ulcerative colitis
>diarrhea every time i shit
>see this thread

not sure what feel i am feeling

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 09:37:00 No.11517641 Report

Quoted By:

>mfw all my friends went out tonight and I'm home browsing /fit/ loling at diarrhea stories

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 09:39:00 No.11517653 Report

Quoted By:

>>11517607

hot

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 09:40:00 No.11517666 Report

Quoted By: >>11518529

>>11517620
>mfw I look that up on Wikipedia
I'm so sorry bro.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 09:40:00 No.11517674 Report

Quoted By:

>Have strange fear of the people who clean my apartment
>Hide in my room whenever they come
>Hiding in my room, suddenly I really have to shit
>They've only been here 2 minutes, usually it takes them 15
>Don't want to leave room
>Try to hold it
>Nope, 2 minutes later I find myself shitting in my trash can
>Huge dump, especially since I didn't have to go 5 minutes before
>Cleaning people left, immediately took out trash
>Room smelled like a porta potty for half an hour

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 10:41:00 No.11518342 Report

Quoted By:

am i the only one who feels extreme pride and satisfaction when you fart really loud during a shit?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 11:00:00 No.11518529 Report

Quoted By:

>>11517666

what the devil is this pic?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 11:08:00 No.11518591 Report

Quoted By: >>11518671

I once had a shit so watery that I could've shit in a tobasco bottle and not wasted a single drop.

But that doesn't compare to the time a guy got beyond blackout drunk in my apartment. We had a smallish party that night, and I had turned in early.

Believe me, when you wake up the next morning, the bathroom is completely covered in shit, including the lid of the toilet, where he apparently tried to shit properly but couldn't tell he had knocked the lid down, and a brown, shitty, streaky hand-print made of shit on he wall where e tried to catch himself from falling over.....

There are few words that can describe those feelings

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 102842_01_Lg.jpg, 95KiB, 1000x1000

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 11:20:00 No.11518671 Report

Quoted By: >>11518686

>>11518591

and just to greentext it for the new friends

>had party at apartment in college
>shared space with 3 other guys
>party winding down, decide to go to bed
>wake up next day, go to take morning after piss
>toilet/tub are in separate room from sink
>open door to toilet room
>shit is all over the floor, toilet tank, everywhere except toilet bowl
>gigantic shit streak down lid
>apparently some guy tried to shit normal, but knocked the lid over and was too drunk to figure it out
>also, big brown hand print on wall facing toilet, where he tried to prevent himself from falling over
>amount of shit on floor suggested to me that he failed, and flailed around on the floor in his own shit
>he apparently went to the other bathroom, where he proceeded to shit all over their BR rug and shower curtain
>how shit got all the way up to the shower curtain is beyond me
>then, realizing what he had done, called his sister to come pick him up
>he threw his clothes and the bathroom rug in the bushes at the bottom of the stairs
>he apparently rode home in his sister's car in nothing but a towel
>tfw you wake up and see a giant hand print made out of shit on your bathroom wall

DOUBLE BONUS

>mfw this was his halloween costume the next year

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 11:23:00 No.11518686 Report

Quoted By: >>11518736

>>11518671
tell me you made him clean it up

not before you took pictures and post on facebook, tagging him in every single one?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 11:30:00 No.11518736 Report

Quoted By:

>>11518686

I wish. But the shock was so much that grabbing a camera was the last thing on my mind. There was even a little piece of shit on the carpet between the 2 bathrooms. We burned that off with "the works" toilet bowl cleaner.

He had supposedly shown up at the invite of the guy I shared the bathroom with. When I awoke the next morning, I wasn't going to let this catastrophe fester, so I did my part to clean some of it up. I got on the level with my BR mate, and basically said "look, I cleaned up X, so you clean up Y". He said thank you, and did his part.

Meanwhile, the other side of the apartment, the side with the missing rug and shit covered shower curtain, made a tactical error - they left a note outside his door saying, basically, "clean this up if you can, if you can't I guess I'll do it."

That was a mistake that I assure you I didn't make

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 11:51:00 No.11518925 Report

Quoted By: >>11518941

>be in highschool and constipated all week
>mom has some herbal fiber shit, tells me to take some (it's Friday morning)
>fix myself a huge glass of OJ and fiber.
>OH GOD it taste like I'm eating a tree, about gag getting the thick sludge down...dry heave for the next 5 minutes.
>Day goes on, still feel constipated...get home...fuck it round 2.
>Fix up another glass, choke it down around 4pm.
>6pm buddy calls up, wants to grab something to eat.
>Pickup buddy, sitting in his driveway...oh god....oh GOD.
>I think maybe it's just gas...blinding pain, no...no...GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE CAR.
>He's all like WTF....DUDE SERIOUSLY-GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE CAR NOW!!!
>Haul ass home, run in house past parents making a confused face, make it to toilet....
>It's like hot lava streaming out of ass....waves of sweat followed by chills, so much cramping vision is fading in and out.
>After 20 minutes get done and clean up....proceed to lay on the bathroom floor for another 20 minutes.
>Get up, so dehydrated, so hungry....afraid to put anything in for fear it's going to coming bursting out of my ass like something from Aliens.

Bro was totally cool about it the next day. Never touched that fiber stuff again.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 11:53:00 No.11518941 Report

Quoted By:

>>11518925
>constipated and takes laxative
>decides to go out and do stuff
you're fucking stupid, son

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 12:02:00 No.11518994 Report

Quoted By:

>First day of Junior year of college
>Have to get up at 7am
>Ah nice warm September day
>I'll think I'll have some peanut butter toast and a cup of coffee
>I somehow forgot my IBS acts up on a morning breakfast
>Go to class
>Start farting, smells like rotten eggs but more potent.
>Somethingisafoot.mp3
>Start getting terrible lower intestinal IBS pain
>OHGOD
>I get up in the middle of the class and walk really fast out the door.
>Go to nice luxurious faculty bathroom upstairs, 1 person bathroom, fuck yeah.
>Pull down pants and my anus gapes
>Unleash what sounds like pure water (Imagine dumping a bucket of water into the toilet, that was the sound).
>OHMYGODITFEELSSOOOOOGOOD
>Stand up look into the toilet, and it is almost clear, looked close to pure water except with some chunks in it. Did I just shit water?
>Wipe with no problems, go back to class and enjoy the rest of my day.
>Intestines were sore all day sadly...

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 12:22:00 No.11519129 Report

Quoted By:

OP here, sorry I left.
So impressed with this thread, congratulations on making it epic.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 12:23:00 No.11519149 Report

Quoted By:

>>11515999

stand in the shower/tub next time. you can wash down the mess from both ends afterwards

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 13:08:00 No.11519432 Report

Quoted By: >>11521269

Ok this isn't a diarrhea story but it is about shit and it happened yesterday

>be away all week on military exercise
>rations clogging up my insides
>get back yesterday, body can sense it
>tease my ass a bit by holding it in
>finally decide to shit
>AAAWWWMYGAWD that's awesome
>quickly open my legs and look down
>I have dropped a rope
>the bottom is sitting in the water, possibly coiled up a bit
>the top is still attached to my hole
>estimated 5 inch girth all the way down
>entire length must be over 15 inches
>mfw greatest shit of my life
>a second later it broke off and was quickly followed by his 6 inch sibling
>they are in poo heaven now

At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
We will remember them

sup

sup Sat 10 Mar 2012 13:18:00 No.11519509 Report

Quoted By:

>>11515867
http://www.tuckermax.com/stories/tucker-tries-buttsex-hilarity-does-not-ensue/

Link semi related. Have not laughed this hard in a while.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 14:12:00 No.11519817 Report

Quoted By:

>highschool fieldtrip to műnchen
>6 hour drive
>we stop for some schoolmade sandwiches
>we all eat 2-3 of them
>two hours later half the bus gets stomach pain
>bus driver refuses to stop cause some kids were being loud obnoxious fagets
>we get to Műnchen, hotel toilets insta-occupied
>run to the nearest pub/caffee
>take the loudest shit ever, im pretty sure half the place heard me
>pokerface.jpg

you dont want to be stuck on a bus with diarrhrea, horrible

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 15:38:00 No.11520218 Report

Quoted By:

/fit/ - fags who shit in their pants.

>walk from a friend because dat cardio
>"I can shit at home, only takes 28 minutes to walk"
>Have to stop several times and hold back the shit with all my strength.
>After 50 minutes finally come halfway, small woods
>Consider shitting there
>imagine all that liquid shit all over my pants
>nope.jpg
>continue home
>stop outside a house 10 minutes, could no walk because of shit
>text and try to call sister, saying "will shit my pants, come get me"
>she does not read text
>finally get home
>sit down on toilet
>Armageddon
>did'nt shit my pants
>fuck yeah

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 15:43:00 No.11520239 Report

Quoted By:

>At cheap restaurant eating chicken
>Oh god I have to go to the toilet
>Restaurant toilet taken
>Run out and run as fast as I can to a public toilet I walked by on the way there
>Rip door open
>Turn around, pull down pants, getting ready to sit down
>Nope
>Explosive diarrhea all over the booth
>Walls, toilet, floor all covered in brown fluid or small brown lumps
I wiped my ass and went home.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1330679430661.jpg, 101KiB, 640x480

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 16:05:00 No.11520346 Report

Quoted By:

>a couple of buddies hanging out watching a ppv.
>anon doesn't feel good. goes to bathroom.
>hear him puking.
>anon opens the door after like an hour.
>"hey anon2, can i borrow a pair of sweatpants? i just shit myself"
>anon2 "sure man." gives him sweatpants.
>LMAOANONSHITPANTS
>anon is in the bathroom for another hour.
>anon comes back out.
>"hey anon2, i need to borrow another pair of pants."
>LOLWUT? why won't you just shit in the toilet and puke in the garbage?
mfw he was trying to shit, spin around and puke in the same same toilet

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 16:25:00 No.11520438 Report

Quoted By:

this guy i knew told me this story.
> In high school
> he needed to take shit badly
> goes to the nearest bathrooms, only two stalls in these bathrooms ones occupied
> goes into the empty stall noticed piss all over toilet seat
> squats shoots liquid shit from his ass
> goes for the toilet paper notice it's wet and yellow
> doesn't have underwear so he uses his white sweater to wipe his ass.
> all this happens with someone next to him
we called him a dumb ass for not asking that dude for paper and not being smart enough to use a sock instead

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 16:44:00 No.11520529 Report

Quoted By:

> be 17
> on first date with this cute french/italian girl
> parked in her parents cul-de-sac saying goodbye in the back seat
> shirt off, nipples in mouth..
> suddenly bowels react for unknown reasons
> Reaches 'fart or die' level
> Thankfully she excuses herself to go pee
> step out of car, and as she leaves I unclench my ass cheeks
> attempt controlled gas off.. fail terribly.
> realize I just greased my sweaty ass with shit.
> must act quickly.. mosey like a cowboy into the catwalk.
> drop my pants and floss ass with boxers.
> throw boxers into bush.
> Girl returns, and I say "I need to get home, see you tomorrow."
> mfw next day at school she tells story about how some sick fuck threw their shitty boxers onto a branch by her house, and she had to walk by them to get to the bus.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 16:57:00 No.11520596 Report

Quoted By:

>be in nightclub, drunk out of my mind
>need to shit
>sit down, immediately start vomitting whilst shitting
>vomit slowly pooling around my feet, and begins going past my cubicle.
>still vomitting
>friends be outside the cubicle, watching sick emenate from my cubicle
>friend tells me we have to leave
>vomit on my boxers, not even sure if I took the shit in the end but wipe anyway.
>go up to the smoking area
>vomit some more
>WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS
>bouncer makes me leave
>FML

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 17:00:00 No.11520605 Report

Quoted By: >>11521101

>Take huge shit
>Sort of like pissing water out my ass the first 5-10 seconds.
>Oh jesus this feels so good
>Out of nowhere HUGE solid shit screams out of my asshole
>tfw it's semi soft and slimey as fuck but really huge and solid inside
>Slams into the toilet bowl
>Shitty diarrhoea water splashes onto my ass, balls and taint.
>Sand up to wipe, slimey watery shit drips onto the toilet seat and floor
>Happens at a friends house
>Try to clean everything with toilet paper
>Everything smells like death
>Go home, lie to friends
>Get diarrhoea in my car
>Shit my pants
>Crying all the way home, just wishing I was in thd shower

Please tell me someone knows that feel

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 18:07:00 No.11521101 Report

Quoted By:

>>11520605

>Post in cool shit thread
>Dies after I post

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 18:29:00 No.11521269 Report

Quoted By:

>>11519432

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 18:31:00 No.11521290 Report

Quoted By:

fuck i had some good laughs now

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 18:38:00 No.11521339 Report

Quoted By:

thank you guys

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 18:45:00 No.11521392 Report

Quoted By:

>>11516183

source on the gif?
Is that for real? holy shit

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 18:50:00 No.11521421 Report

Quoted By:

>that feel when you're reading this thread while eating oatz

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 19:03:00 No.11521475 Report

Quoted By:

>be at school
>decide with friends that we are all going to eat a whole chili
>friend supplies the chilies - a Habenero (350,000 scoville rating - a normal chili is ~1000, tobasco is ~2000)
>Eat said chili
>Friends cannot tolerate the spice, for me, it is not that bad
>shrug and go to class
>30 minutes later in chemistry, stomach is burning burning toiling in trouble, fire is burning and bowel is bubble
>stumble out of class
>literally so bad that i takes me about 2 minutes to walk up a flight of stairs
>hands and knees, panting and sweating
>stumble to the shitter, let the most almighty fart loose
>procede to push the most intense burning shit out
>my asshole has never been the same again

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 19:17:00 No.11521558 Report

Quoted By:

http://chanarchive.org/request_votes

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 19:44:00 No.11521778 Report

Quoted By:

>>11517285
>LMAO FLOODED SON

Lost it

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 10 Mar 2012 20:26:00 No.11522105 Report

Quoted By:

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