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Medieval /fit/

Anonymous !!zK5f8dx5w/T Sun 18 Mar 2012 21:43:00 No.11637429 View View Reply Original Report

Quoted By:

>Be a peasant
>Contemplating wenches' posteriors
>Be busted
>Maiden comes by and regards me about my previous behavior
>Slap her posterior
>She's wrathful
>She calls a Frenchman
>Spit on his face
>He proceedeth to chaseth me
>I run faster for I am a knight of superior skill
>Steal his horse
Templar as fornication

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 21:46:00 No.11637472 Report

Quoted By:

go on...

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 21:47:00 No.11637485 Report

Quoted By:

>Be 5'4"
>Wenches and Maidens admiring my height
Thou art jealous, manleths?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 21:48:00 No.11637501 Report

Quoted By:

No one here is smart enough to make medieval stories

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 21:49:00 No.11637515 Report

Quoted By:

>Wash miself
>Fellow knight comes in
>Touch our buttex for our king the lord and master of hamshire
>''Thou haveth a long dick, mi fellow knight.''
>He gaveth me a look as I were of jewing offspring
>I telleth him that thou am not interested in the cock of other men

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 21:49:00 No.11637518 Report

Quoted By:

>milking my cow for dem GOMAD
>LMAO 2 cow tits

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 21:49:00 No.11637522 Report

Quoted By:

>Be of 5'6"
>Penis beingeth over 5"
>Be a knight
>Fornicating and impregnating 8/10 maidens
Thou art madeth.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 21:50:00 No.11637546 Report

Quoted By:

>go to local fair in my castle
>want to buy some roids
>"What is this "roids" you speak of"?
>kill self the next day

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 21:52:00 No.11637557 Report

Quoted By:

>Nur consumeth 2000 calories
>Bulke art ruineth
>Self murder myself

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 21:54:00 No.11637612 Report

Quoted By:

>Not raiding and pillaging

>Not plundering monasteries for their riches

>Not praying to the Valhallans for your gains

>Not feasting upon meade, flesh of salmon, and roasted lamb on thy bulk.

>Bid pace to thy gains

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 21:55:00 No.11637618 Report

Quoted By: >>11637743

>scouting the gymnasium
>glance upon peasant lifting
>chuckling my posterior off, two disks

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 21:57:00 No.11637655 Report

Quoted By:

>being dressed for the oncoming battle by mine vassals
>one is struggling to lift mine helmet upon mine head
>asketh of him, 'dost thou even lifteth the iron of the land, peasant?'
>he disrespectfully replies not to mine accusation
>he is bowing his head, and falls to the floor
>wheat falls from his britches
>my white charger kicketh him in the face, and he leaves in shame
servant as fuck

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 21:57:00 No.11637658 Report

Quoted By: >>11637699 >>11637709

>He doesn't prayeth to Agamenon and Hercules
>He prayeth to Talos
Farmer as fuck

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1325634099606.jpg, 8KiB, 271x267

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:00:00 No.11637688 Report

Quoted By: >>11637736 >>11637987

>that sensation when no maiden

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:00:00 No.11637699 Report

Quoted By:

>>11637658

Helot you just went full plebeian

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:01:00 No.11637709 Report

Quoted By:

>>11637658

>Praying to a Mycenaen King and a Demigod?

>Watch thy gains sail off into the Aegean as Zeus forakes you

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:02:00 No.11637721 Report

Quoted By:

>muslimfag curlbros think they're hard, go to jerusalem
>sail over there to go fuck them up with my powerlifting bros
>get there
>SHIT THEY'RE ALL ON ROIDS RUN RUN RU-
>kill us all
>3 more armies after us
>really long wars ensue
crusader as copulation

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:03:00 No.11637735 Report

Quoted By:

>wheat falls from his britches

Hahahaha.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:04:00 No.11637736 Report

Quoted By:

>>11637688
>Most peasant of Gods
>Not praying to the all mighty and Great Atlas
Regard a departure to thy gains

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:04:00 No.11637743 Report

Quoted By:

>>11637618
>2 disks
>no appropriate reaction image on my computer

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:05:00 No.11637760 Report

Quoted By:

>walk gayly across yonder countryside
>tending flock and traveling many hills
>approacheth kingdom in record time
>reward self with flagon of mead stashed away in pouch
>enter kingdom with intent to sell wool and sheep's milk
>everyone has the plague
>i have the plague
>die

Bald !!zK5f8dx5w/T

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Bald !!zK5f8dx5w/T Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:07:00 No.11637776 Report

Quoted By:

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:08:00 No.11637780 Report

Quoted By:

>gayly
>gay
>no sodom

(correct spelling is gaily, for future reference)

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO Greek-Wrestlers.jpg, 12KiB, 300x300

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:08:00 No.11637783 Report

Quoted By: >>11637809

no sodo

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO laugh.jpg, 46KiB, 450x404

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:11:00 No.11637809 Report

Quoted By:

>>11637783

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:13:00 No.11637827 Report

Quoted By:

>fellow knight posesses great vitality and strength, I am inferior
>ask of him the source of his power
>giveth me a bottle of 'snake oil'
>return to keep
>drink oil
>vision becomes red
>ghastly demons begin to assault mine castle
>tear them apart with my bare hands using the newfound strength of 'snake'
>copious amounts of blood everywhere
>drink the blood to acquire the demon's strength
>vision stops being red
>the work of satan!
>I have murdered all mine servants

snake oil, not even once

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:14:00 No.11637845 Report

Quoted By:

>journey downith to the local training yard
>practicing sword play with entertaining two swords
>shady figure approaches from over yonder
>"Thou interested in my magical substance creatine fellow knight?"
>not a fan for black magic, but he telleth me I can better serve the crown
>try a pinch of the powder and drink it down with barrel of water
>suddenly my body began to change
>like a demon of hell my muscles bulged forward
>the man asketh me if I am alright
>striketh him through yonder courtyard to his death
>run off screaming unaware of were I was
>two months later
>a band of rag tag heroes and warriors have come to slay the beast that has been kidnapping the local maidens
>as a knight of the crown I ask were the beast was
>they point towards my yonder direction
>in a fit of anger I cast thine fools to hell with one mighty blow
>proceed to fornicate my harem of maidens
Templar as fornication

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:14:00 No.11637849 Report

Quoted By: >>11639451

>out yonder past ye olde bakery where I doth see two porcine ham-maidens
>ham-maidens barter a large goat for the shopkeep's many baked sweets and wares

>sacrificing the meat of a fine goat for pastries and pies
>1012
I sincerely hope that thou does not do so

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:15:00 No.11637854 Report

Quoted By: >>11637865

>implyieth iz lifteh fer maidens

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:15:00 No.11637865 Report

Quoted By:

>>11637854
disregard maidens, acquire currency

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:15:00 No.11637869 Report

Quoted By:

>Middle Ages
>Not being a glorious shaoling monk
>Ishidy gishidy

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:17:00 No.11637898 Report

Quoted By:

mead and braggot

empty carbs broseph

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:18:00 No.11637907 Report

Quoted By:

Toastin in epic bread

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:19:00 No.11637908 Report

Quoted By: >>11637942

>ride to barracks
>peasant hoisting javelins in the sword rack
>demand he cease
>he refuses
>declare witchcraft
>he is dragged to his death by my steed

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:19:00 No.11637910 Report

Quoted By:

>Wheat and labor

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:21:00 No.11637938 Report

Quoted By:

>ride my trusty steed amongst the countryside
>pillaging the hovels and villages
>kings and vassals be mad
>marry into nobility
>become future king
>they forever mad

Sorry playing mount and blade: warbands.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:21:00 No.11637942 Report

Quoted By:

>>11637908
>peasant hoisting javelins in the sword rack

HAHAHAHAHAH WHAT

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO YB3Es..jpg, 161KiB, 792x537

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:24:00 No.11637971 Report

Quoted By:

>the depiction be related

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:25:00 No.11637977 Report

Quoted By:

>have the pox
>don't want to sayeth goodbye to my gains
>do a hard day's work toiling in the soil
>cometh home
>a fox has obsconded with my chickens
>sayeth goodbye to yonder gains

all of my furor

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:25:00 No.11637984 Report

Quoted By:

Greetings sodomites!

Tit I sir John and I loathe all of thov cretins for thov art all obese fools who waste thine time in frivolous artistry of poor quality. Hast any amongst thee known womanflesh?

I do not fear thee for I am a knight of svperior skill and might what jovnst hast thov challenged save for onanism with nvde oriental portraitvre? I also have a fair maiden of svrpassing beauy who has shown me many delights of the flesh. The experience was akin to many gold pieces.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:25:00 No.11637987 Report

Quoted By:

>>11637688
>>11637688

Thy feel is in keeping with my own.

Demi-God !!+n/jRqDya0S

Demi-God !!+n/jRqDya0S Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:26:00 No.11637992 Report

Quoted By:

>plundering the local mead hall
>see fair/10 maiden
>I shall rapeth her and her family!
>I paceth towards her
>As I approacheth her, she beggeth me to spare her life
>Y-You tooeth"
inferior as copulation

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:28:00 No.11638019 Report

Quoted By:

>Maiden aproachst towards mich
>Greetings sir, haveth thee a pleasing day!
>Th-thou as well
She desirest fornication

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:29:00 No.11638026 Report

Quoted By:

>leave note upon fortunately beautifyl wench's chamber door
>I re-arrive the morrow after to find no answer from her
>I scribe a further message of "please respond"

for she will now surely answer

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:35:00 No.11638081 Report

Quoted By:

>be knight
>wrestle with brothers in arms
>practice skill at arms
>wenches and servingmen watching from about the courtyard
>they admire my skill

>be at feast
>comely daughter of lesser noble catches my eye
>lifts the hem of her skirt towards me
>she desires to lay with me

Art thou mad, serfs? Art thou envious?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:37:00 No.11638107 Report

Quoted By:

>Being a blacksmith
>See fair maiden with a wench
>Maiden doth 'mire
>'mire back
>wench art mad jelly

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:41:00 No.11638155 Report

Quoted By:

>finally get my knighthood
>go to local mead hall to celebrate
>see fine wench
>approach her for ravishing
>she tells me it will cost 2 coppers
>reach beneath my cuisse
>barley falls everywhere
>all the other knights stare
>verily, I doth flee

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:42:00 No.11638165 Report

Quoted By: >>11638273

>Feasting in my lord's hall
>Green Knight bursts in
>Chop off his head like a Thane
>He doesn't die, tells me he's gonna get me back
>Go to some catamite's castle
>His wife mirin'
>DGAF for sloppy seconds
>Meet Green Knight again
>He's too pussy to kill me
>King Arthur calls me a hero
>Round Table mirin'
>Trollops mirin'

Is thine temper choleric?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:46:00 No.11638212 Report

Quoted By:

>Carrying calfs to market
>Fat as fatass laird's son mocks me for my work
>Zounds! But two calfs! he yells
>Strumpets and trollops admire his girth and obvious wealth
>He seizes my cows and drinks their milk and devours their meat, claiming Laird Marcus of Rippetoe, Knight of the Bar commands it
>Starve to death

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:50:00 No.11638273 Report

Quoted By:

>>11638165
Gawain as fuark

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:51:00 No.11638284 Report

Quoted By:

> Be alpha-knight
> Morning workout, fellow brothers in arms mirin
> Peasant (more closely pissant am I not right) confronts about fornicating thy dirty hambeast wife
> Totally did
> Challenge thee to jousting matche over honourre
> mere seconds later spear him on the tip of thy lance like a pigge on a spitte

Does thou even joust?

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1332054109139.jpg, 49KiB, 800x600

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 22:58:00 No.11638363 Report

Quoted By: >>11638458

> be at training grounds
> be beating on doth training dummy with longsword
> hammerbro walks up
> "may I worketh in?"
> say okay
> he pulls out a second hammer and starts beating the dummy
> lmfao2hammer

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 23:03:00 No.11638416 Report

Quoted By:

> be at archery competition
> trying to draw out sir robin of locksley
> final match, up against mysterious stranger
> kind of looks like Robin Hood but no, Robin wears a tiny green hat not a wide floppy one
> fletch arrow
> draw
> release with perfect precision
> perfect bullseye
> crowd goes wild, bow
> stranger walks up, releases his arrow
> flies true and splits my arrow in twain, hitting the exact same spot I did
> judge declares him the winner
> mfw

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 23:08:00 No.11638458 Report

Quoted By:

>>11638363
were you just in that /v/ thread yesterday?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 23:09:00 No.11638467 Report

Quoted By:

>Ride to the stables (I do bask in thine admiration of my skillful and alacritous equitation)
>Stable is replete with proud and noble knights
>Begin stringing my bow in the sword rack
>Many knights are gazing with ire
>Cry "Art thou vexed, brethren?!"
>Mine sinew doth break
>Flax doth flow from mine pantaloon

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 23:10:00 No.11638476 Report

Quoted By:

>Wake up to meet the morn in my hay bed
>Admire my stain glass window depicting the fallen knight Zyzzium
>Observe 7/10 maiden taking a stroll by my manor
>I yell "hark, you there! Art thou a bone alchemist? You see I have this large-"
>She furrows her brow
>"If you please, reply." I sayeth
>She retreats
>Go back inside, admire Zyzzium
>no sodo

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 23:10:00 No.11638477 Report

Quoted By:

Hyperboreans would whip medieval ass.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO Cinder.jpg, 600KiB, 1240x1754

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 23:13:00 No.11638500 Report

Quoted By:

>>A skinny scholarly lad is conversing with a fair/10 Peasant Girl
>>A dragon riseth from the east and attacks
>>I dispatch it with the greatest of ease
>>The Peasant girl desireth to lie with me
>>"Nay, I Must Return to my knightly duties"
>>Scholar is Merlin

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 23:17:00 No.11638538 Report

Quoted By:

Why dost thou not possess a male companion yet?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 23:21:00 No.11638576 Report

Quoted By:

ram

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 23:26:00 No.11638620 Report

Quoted By: >>11638812

>Approach fair maiden across the tavern
>"Dost thou labor as a purveyor of ancient ruins and creatures?"
>She doth answer verily
>"I require you examine a gratuitous piece of osseous matter."

Baron Ennui

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Baron Ennui Sun 18 Mar 2012 23:32:00 No.11638696 Report

Quoted By: >>11638942

>slaying Saracens and moors in the Holy Land
>spy a diminutive knight making reference to himself as Sire Littleman
>verily he boasts that he hath slain far more moors than I
>tell him that I but do the lord's will in reclaiming Jerusalem and care not for petty ostentation
>point out that he doth fight with bowed legs, a slight upon the proud swordsmanship of the Holy Roman Empire
>he slappes my face with his maile glove and issues a martial challenge
>fearing his rumored prowess I decline and withdraw making reference to my obvious technical superiority in my slaying of moors even if i could not equal him in aggregation
>the mirth of his peers doth pierce my soul

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 23:34:00 No.11638712 Report

Quoted By:

>Send parchment by falcon to fair lady of another castle
>She doth not reply in a timely manner
>Send another parchment by urgent falcon, message therein doth say "Madam, please answer my summons"
>Eternally isolated

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 23:37:00 No.11638752 Report

Quoted By:

>having a pintel of under two hands
>forever an apprentice

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 23:41:00 No.11638793 Report

Quoted By:

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 23:43:00 No.11638812 Report

Quoted By:

>>11638620
I lol'd

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 23:46:00 No.11638850 Report

Quoted By:

>that sensation when thine beard doth not compare to the Norsemens'

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 23:48:00 No.11638892 Report

Quoted By:

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 23:52:00 No.11638942 Report

Quoted By: >>11639071

>>11638696
>uneducated peasant, thou just crossed into the domain of demonic beliefs, thou art a warlock

implying the barbaric moors were ever met in battle during the fights for your Lord

>1092
>thinking moors were in the holy land, or anywhere near
>I seriously hope thou art not doing such a thing

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1323152268423.jpg, 7KiB, 223x219

Anonymous Sun 18 Mar 2012 23:54:00 No.11638969 Report

Quoted By: >>11639484

>be knight
>see serf acquiring inferior iron shortsword
>steel bastard-sword master race reporting in
>1522
>i verily prayeth thou doesn't doest this.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 19 Mar 2012 00:03:00 No.11639071 Report

Quoted By:

>>11638942
>The "Moors" were not a distinct or self-defined people or ethnicity. Medieval and early modern Europeans applied the name to the Berbers, but also at various times to Arabs and Muslim Iberians and West Africans from Mali and Niger who had been absorbed into the Almoravid dynasty. Mainstream scholars observed in 1911 that "The term 'Moors' has no real ethnological value.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Mon 19 Mar 2012 00:30:00 No.11639451 Report

Quoted By:

>>11637849

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 19 Mar 2012 00:33:00 No.11639484 Report

Quoted By:

>>11638969
>1522
>having swords
charge into battle, faggot, but realize im the real alpha when I shoot you from 50 meters

also implying 1522 is medieval

Anonymous

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Anonymous Mon 19 Mar 2012 00:47:00 No.11639699 Report

Quoted By:

Hey Faggots,

The title to me is Dionysus, and I despise every single one of you. All of thee are sober, prudish, tyrants who spend every second of their day rejecting my cult. Thou art everything malignant in the world. In truth, hath any of thee ever tilled any furrows? I mean, it amuses me to deride you people because of your own insecurities, but you project them to the veil of stars. This is even worse than indulging to Egyptian papyri at Alexandria.

Be known to me. Just hit me with your best shot. I'm pretty much perfect. I gave Midas the golden touch, and brought the gift of intoxication to man. What great deeds have you committed, other than spending too much time oiled up in the gymnasia? I'm also the twice-born son of Zeus, and possess a banging hot girlfriend (She just blew me; Shit was SO cash). You are all homosexuals who should throw themselves on their own swords. Thanks for listening.

Pic Related: It's me and Ariadne, my beloved wife.

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