>Me, a year ago, waiter at a pretty nice restauraunt
>First time seriously bulking, had just gotten into lifting a few months prior
>Had a 900 cal bulk shake, 70g protein on the way to work. This thing was a whopper, nearly threw up trying to finish it. Peanuts, whey, oats, olive oil, whole milk, bananas. You know the type.
>Got to work, stomach feeling quite upset. Grumbles everywhere. Music in the restaurant covers the sound of my stomach crying out in agony.
>30 minutes into my shift, I feel farts stretching the walls of my intestines, aching to be released into the world.
>Realizing the height of the chairs makes people's faces the same level as my asshole, I panic and do my best to hold in all the rancid gas I feel trying to escape my internal organs.
>An hour into my shift, I can't hold it. The noxious gas forced its way out of my rectum as I was delivering food to the table of a mid-20's, black couple.
>They don't hear my massive fart, because thankfully the dishes clanging in the kitchen and the music emanating from the speakers overhead masked the noise.
>I quickly walked away once I gave them their food.
>As I'm walking away, the black man yells "SHIT NIGGA WHAT IS THAT SMELL???"
>His wife does the typical black-woman "OH MY GAWWWD" yell and then begins to gag
>an evil smirk danced across my face as I went back into the kitchen
When I asked them if they were enjoying their meal about 10 mins later, they mentioned the rancid smell. I pointed out the elderly couple sitting in a booth near their table and gave my sincerest apologies. I then proceeded to kick the elderly couple out of the restaurant (they had already finished their meals, so I didn't feel that bad). The black couple thanked me and I received a 40% tip.