/g/ is not tech support, but if I don't get this fixed I'm going to stab someone.

I have a 5.1 speaker system.
2 of the satellites are working.
Even the Windows audio test doesn't recognize the other 3 or the subwoofer.

I have unplugged, and replugged everything.
Set all software to 5.1
And now I'm out of ideas.

tl;dr 5.1 system not working