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When the Ham Hands cry, no one was left alive.
'Satako! Rena and Mion were brutally bludgeoned to death with a baseball bat!'
'But Rika, no one in Hinamizawa possessses the digital dexterity to even grip one on account of their meat fists!'
'This can mean only one thing. It's the work of Oyashiro-sama!'
'Au au, Rika, I haven't seen so much baloney since the last time I gave myself a manicure, nano desu!'