Heil Hitler /k/, my name is Ken Hydrich.

I'm a 27 year old Aryan American SS Sturmbannfuhrer (Storm Unit Leader for you foreigners). I listen to Hitler speeches on my iPod, and spend my days polishing my Eisernes Kreuz, practising my formation marching and perfecting my Jevv recognition techniques.

I train with my Sturmgewehr 44 every day, this superior German weapon can shoot straight through side armour of a T-34 and is vastly superior to any other weapon on earth. I also own a Walther P38 and a Hitlerjugend Fahrtenmesser.

I speak German fluently, both the Bayerisch and the Plattdeutsch dialects, and I write fluently as well. I know everything about Third Reich history and the Schutzstaffel creed, which I follow 100%.

When I get my German visa, I am moving to Bad Tölz to attend the prestigious SS-Junkerschule University to learn more about their magnificent culture. I hope I can become a Konzentrationslager commandant or a Gauleiter!

I own several SS uniforms, which I wear around town. I want to get used to wearing them before I move to Germany, so I can fit in easier. I march everywhere and greet everyone with a Hitler salute, but rarely does anyone manage to respond.

Wish me luck in Germany!