WASHINGTON—In the midst of a fiercely competitive presidential race with no clear Republican front-runner in sight, an increasingly depressed Mitt Romney shocked political insiders Monday when he released a new national attack ad targeting himself.

The ad, which is scheduled to air across the country this week, features an unshaven and visibly crestfallen Romney taking himself to task on a number of key campaign issues, including health-care reform, illegal immigration, and "what's the use of even trying anymore?"

"Mitt Romney says he's a candidate for change. He says he's a candidate Americans can finally trust," begins the self- destructive television spot, narrated by Romney himself. "But in 2004, this so-called Washington outsider approved nearly four separate tax hikes. And do you know why he did that? Because he's a big fat disappointment, that's why."

"Ugh," the television spot continues. "I'm going back to bed."

"I don't care what Romney says, I still believe Romney is the best man for the job," said Phillip Walker, a Florida retiree. "If anything, Romney's despicable last-minute tactic has only further convinced me to vote for Romney."

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/depressed_candidate_runs_attack_ad