/r9k1/ - ROBOT9000 (Feb. 2008 - Jan. 2011)

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Anonymous !!tNgOPtw8/ Sat 07 Aug 2010 20:44:00 No.10540028 View View Reply Original Report

Quoted By:

Lets get some greentext in here today. Funny, alpha, beta, whatever.

>Talking to boss
>Says he thinks his wife is cheating on him
>Suggest he pull up her facebook profile
>Look for suspicious activity
>See her profile picture
>"Damn, whos that chick next to your wife, you know her?"
>His 16 year old daughter
>His face

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 07:57:00 No.10548494 Report

Quoted By:

>>10548427
>>10548066

Then archive it, fags. I was apparently the first to request.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 08:00:00 No.10548529 Report

Quoted By: >>10548974

>wake up go to work at 9.30
>yard work (yes I'm a "spic")
>out by 1.30 (4hrs=50 dollars and they buy me a burger)
>get home play transformice, download/watch some Dexter, and play MKvsDC with cousins, watch football/soccer until about 9.00
>remember that gf of one month told me that it'll be pretty cool if i go visit her at work
>today is saturday she is at work
>fuck i go
>talk about stuff and we plan what we might do tomorrow (Sunday)
>finish talking about 9.30 tells me to come back at 10 (she is done by then)
>I love driving around at night, with the windows open enjoying the breeze so thats what i do
>oh shit almost 10
>get back to her work
>make out about 30 minutes
>come back home
>r9k finish reading huge ass thread about "tard stories" and this one
>fuck it, i'll post my Saturday

and here we are

kollejolle !!ijxi742Id

kollejolle !!ijxi742Id Sun 08 Aug 2010 08:36:00 No.10548974 Report

Quoted By: >>10549279

>>10548529

Are you me?
Exept for the spic thing, and girlfriend.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 08:52:00 No.10549163 Report

Quoted By:

This was a couple years ago, but I like telling this story.

>Walking through downtown with a friend.
>Friend is nerdier than me, doesn't talk shit often.
>Car pulls up, bro inside asks if we know where Club Ultra is.
>We say no.
>Car drives off, another bro inside yells, "Faggots!"
>I scowl.
>Friend says, "If we were faggots, we would KNOW where Club Ultra was."
>lol

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 08:57:00 No.10549248 Report

Quoted By: >>10553679

>be 14
>on family roadtrip
>walking around, stretching at a rest stop park thing
>Wtf, something is poking my foot
>take off shoe
>something sharp poking through flipflip
>can't pull it out
>turn it upside down
>there's a fucking bird foot in my shoe.

And I mean just the foot. Like it was amputated or something. We never found the rest of the bird....

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 09:00:00 No.10549279 Report

Quoted By:

>>10548974
you play transformice??!

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 09:21:00 No.10549547 Report

Quoted By:

>>10543857
I love that feeling

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 09:28:00 No.10549648 Report

Quoted By: >>10552525

>Walking to a friends house with another friend
>Group of bikes just behind throw coffee at us
>Miss
>Throw slurpee as hard as I can at the bikers
>Hits one in the back of the head
>Guys falls and gets all pissed
>I pull out my knife
>He goes back on his bike
>Realize friend didn't say a thing and is in complete awe.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 09:32:00 No.10549683 Report

Quoted By:

anyone remember the long story that was posted near the beginning of /r9k/ with a 14 or 15 year old kid getting a shitty blowjob, rolling down a hill, then wandering off into the woods to find who punched jeff(or mike, maybe a diff name?)?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 09:46:00 No.10549872 Report

Quoted By: >>10553410

>Get high with best friend and his new vaporizer
>Go to Sonic
>"Yea dude order me a bacon cheeseburger, chili cheese tots, and a dr. pepper
>"What kind?"
>"What kind of what?"
>"Banana or strawberry chili cheese tots?"
>"Just regular dude"
>A couple minutes go by
>"Wait, what the fuck man? Banana or strawberry?"
>Proceed to laugh our asses off
>Get food and drinks
>Have everything besides my straw
>Can't find it anywhere and friend doesn't have it but keep looking
>Two girls we know see us from the other side of Sonic and approach
>Friend has conversation with them
>They ask me some question
>I am still looking for the straw
>After 30 or so seconds I look up and manage to say I've lost my straw
>Friend says "Dude it's in my lap" and gives it to me
>As written on my phone "My Dr. Pepper tastes like cookies and chocolate bars and candy goddamn"

Probably won't be as entertaining as it is to me

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 10:17:00 No.10550339 Report

Quoted By:

>mother miscarriages 3 times before her pregnancy with me
>Defeat condoms AND birth control. I pretty much just beat every statistic ever.
>mother was very sick for a few months during pregnancy, didnt know she was pregnant until 3 months in, she learned by visiting the doctor for more extensive research on her sickness(dont know exactly what she had)
>doctors flip out, freak out because they put my mother on all sorts of drugs.
>do genetic testing on, find out there is a 50% chance of me being born with downs syndrome
>decide to get an abortion
>last minute change mind, they would love another child no matter what.
>my birth- I have some terrible lung problem, doctor predicts that I wont make it through the night.
>fucking bro it up and beat the shit out of my lung problem after 5 days of being nearly dead.

and thats all basically before my life had begun.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 10:20:00 No.10550373 Report

Quoted By:

>>10543475
Oh man you either know who this happened to or I told you this story. That is creepy.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 10:31:00 No.10550528 Report

Quoted By:

>working out at 24 hour fitness until 11:30pm
>Good workout
>Sore muscles everywhere
>Drive home
>Car follows me
>Almost at house, lights turn on
>It's a cop
>Freak the fuck out inside
>"Did you know you were driving without your lights?"
>"No sir, sorry sir."
>"Drive safe"
>Enter house.
>Thank every deity for not getting a ticket

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 10:51:00 No.10550824 Report

Quoted By: >>10552432

>>10541176
Man I got something just like that
>I'm 12 my grandmother wants to take me to L.A
>I'm all excited Disneyland and Hollywood
>She calls me and tells me that one of her friends died
>Trip postponed
>I'm sad
>Mom wakes me up the next day crying
>American Airlines Flight 11

I know some people will call bullshit especially after your post.
But yeah 9/11.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 10:56:00 No.10550898 Report

Quoted By:

>after-party with some international exchange students
>last few nights so we go all out on the drinking
>american is passed out on the floor by the couch
>norwegian leans forward, throws up on the american, hits his scarf, hair and face.
>american smells and throws up on the floor by him
>french drunk girl gets closer to help, slips on american puke, gets all on her pants.
>global area of effect vomit
>mfw when I don't tell the dorm about the smell and dry vomit crust on couch and carpet. move out in 2 days

fun semester. also, gained a hate for scottish people and rich mexicans.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 11:49:00 No.10551730 Report

Quoted By:

bumping for more greentexting

>captcha: cracento niggers

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 12:10:00 No.10551984 Report

Quoted By:

this was a very quality thread. archive-quality. do it robros.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 12:21:00 No.10552092 Report

Quoted By:

>>10548427
Hey, what happened with you and the girlfriend who faked the pregnancy?

Sun 08 Aug 2010 12:41:00 No.10552309 Report

Quoted By: >>10552452

>Girl I knew from grade school (I was in 3, she was in 1, then for about 3 years after that)
>Start talking again years later with the marvel that is Facebook
>End up talking on the phone every night for 3+ hours, then texting another hour after that, etc.
>End up getting blown the first day that we actually meet in person
>Date for ~2 weeks
>Break up through a text message
>Removes me from facebook, msn, deletes my number, the whole deal
Almost 3 years later
>Random 3 AM text "Hey you."
>SUDDENLY TALKING AGAIN EVERY NIGHT WTF
>She has a boyfriend
>Get into her pants like 2 weeks later
>She dumps her boyfriend so she can start dating me
>"Lol, no bitch. Fuck you."

ALPHA. AS. FUCK.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 12:51:00 No.10552432 Report

Quoted By: >>10552536

>>10550824
>4th grade
>wake up around 7am on 9/11/2001
>parents listening to radio with their oh shit faces fully engaged
>tell me a plane crashed into a building
>i think it was an accident
>assigned to write a paragraph in school about why i feel safe
>i feel safe because 9/11 is happening on the east coast and i am on the west coast
>derp
I was not the brightest child

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 12:54:00 No.10552452 Report

Quoted By:

>>10552309
I had low expectations for this story and was pleasantly surprised.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 12:54:00 No.10552460 Report

Quoted By: >>10552477

>freshman year
>kid from my study hall says "fuck you" outside of school
>I think hes joking so i say "fuck you man"
>he gets in my face
>i pussy out and apologize
>a week later
>I say "hey fucker!" in the hall
>he turns
>i punch him in the face 15 times
>alpha as fuck?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 12:56:00 No.10552477 Report

Quoted By:

>>10552460
Pretty alpha man.

Topper !0W2b.GSA4I

Topper !0W2b.GSA4I Sun 08 Aug 2010 12:57:30 No.10552497 Report

Quoted By:

>in 8th grade
>hanging out with significantly more nerdy and awkward friend
>popular kids come tease him and accuse him of being uncut
>I am uncut but don't say anything as they make fun of him
feels beta man.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 13:00:00 No.10552524 Report

Quoted By:

>Take folded t-shirt out of drawers
>Notice weird yellow crumbly stuff when unfolding it
>Dead moth smushed up inside
>YEUGHWHAGARBL

Happened just now ._.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 13:00:00 No.10552525 Report

Quoted By:

>>10549648
I hope this is true! Cuz that is so badass!

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 13:01:00 No.10552536 Report

Quoted By:

>>10552432
What do you mean? That's a great reason to feel safe. Shit, if I was in NYC the giant bullseye of America I'd be scared shitless if terrorists were running around blowing shit up.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 13:04:00 No.10552568 Report

Quoted By: >>10552617

>at the beach with some friends
>lady tells me to look after her 4 year old kid for a bit
>say ok
>keeping an eye on him while in the water
>SUDDENLY HUGE WAVE ON THE HORIZON
>run over to kid and form a protective shield over him with my body
>BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES MEN
>thrust forward about 7 feet by the wave and knocked off my feet
>never let go
>save kid's ass from being murdered by a ten foot wave
>alpha as fuck

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 13:08:00 No.10552617 Report

Quoted By: >>10552670

>>10552568
>My face when the most that wave would've done is knock him down.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 13:14:00 No.10552670 Report

Quoted By:

>>10552617
he dosent know about rip tides
>laughinggirls.flv

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 13:27:00 No.10552835 Report

Quoted By:

>whatever

>Go out with a friend.
>We start walking home, stop by the beach.
>Fuck it, I'm drunk.
>Skinny-dip.
>Get dry, start walking back.
>Guy I know tells us to have some drinks with him.
>He buys us a shitload of shots.
>Invites us back to his house with a friend, to have fish soup (wat)
>He comes to the beach with us, sunrise and all that.
>I pass out.
>Wake up.
>Ergh. My head.
>Notice this large obscure figure in front of me.
>He's wanking over me.
>Run.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 13:29:00 No.10552865 Report

Quoted By:

>>10546145
>>10546100
>>10545906
>>10545816
>>10545755
>needs to announce to everyone he's drunk
"Am i cool yet?"
Sound like such a little fucking idiot dude.

Also, send archive request. This thread has many a many lols.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 13:33:00 No.10552895 Report

Quoted By:

>Congrats, your request has just triggered the archival process for thread 10540028.

Surreal Silencer !T.eMx03HrM

Surreal Silencer !T.eMx03HrM Sun 08 Aug 2010 13:42:07 No.10552970 Report

Quoted By:

>>10540196
I burst into laughing and treats at the same time.
I mean...Shit.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 14:04:00 No.10553130 Report

Quoted By:

>totally high
>sudden craving for taco bell and bacon
>walk to taco bell
>walk up to drive thru
>order girl stuff bacon burrtango, seen a minute tweesty with bacon, and also bacon
>widdly scuds?
>eat burrtio
>BACON PARADISE
>mfw
>MY FACE WHEN

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 14:16:00 No.10553226 Report

Quoted By:

>16
>LSD for first time
>run out of weed
>start scraping resin from various bongs
>spend about an hour trying to boil resin
>someone mentions how we are "smashing mad resin cones"

At the time it was the funniest thing i've ever heard.

>shortly after we named the resin black jungle sludge.

Surreal Silencer !T.eMx03HrM

Surreal Silencer !T.eMx03HrM Sun 08 Aug 2010 14:32:41 No.10553353 Report

Quoted By:

>short trip to grandma's with mom
>stop in small town mcdonald's
>in car
>"ROLL DOWN THE WINDOW! ROLL DOWN YER WINDA!"
>75 year old guy waving a mcflurry
>roll down window
>Here!
>think it's a promotion or something
>"lick it"
>pretends to lick it
>...let mmmomma have a lick too...
>pretends likewise
>"Okay bye now you two!"
>walks off with mcflurry

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 14:43:00 No.10553410 Report

Quoted By:

>>10549872
I miss getting that high.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 14:48:00 No.10553433 Report

Quoted By: >>10554586

>Chillin at a friends about to go for a walk to the park
>Sad about not being able to score weed
>Get to park around midnight friends see random people and run
>I ask them if they have a lighter for a smoke and they ask me if i have a bong
>Lend them my bong they shout me 7 or 8 bowls
>Perfect night

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 15:22:00 No.10553652 Report

Quoted By:

>party at the beach, it's 11 pm.
>some of us decide to go buy a few beers.
>in our way back, we see an ass getting slapped in the public restroom.
>we all think it's a couple fucking so we get closer.
>I notice it's a guy, he got his thong on and a beanie on his head, and sunglasses.
>WAT
>I look closer and tell my friends to look too.
>he's alone in there, he smacks his ass with the strength of a thousand suns.
>couldn't take it anymore and fell on the floor laughing my ass off.
>he keeps doing it, I can't stop laughing.
>we've had enough so we just leave and tell our other friends what happened, they know who he is.
>used to be a cop.
>I still can't stop laughing.

definitely the weirdest shit that ever happened to me.

Captain Trips !!Ql0aQ9LG6

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO nagger hiv.jpg, 4KiB, 300x57

Captain Trips !!Ql0aQ9LG6 Sun 08 Aug 2010 15:25:00 No.10553679 Report

Quoted By:

>>10549248

Oh shit, reminded me of a car trip when I was 16.

>Driving through PA with friend and his sister, and her friend
>Stop at a roadside diner for lunch
>Eat amazing "greasy spoon" food
>Walking back to car
>See minivan parked next to us
>Bird stuck headfirst in grill
>My friend, in an incredible fit of weird, decides to pull it out
>"Maybe the owner has really easily frightened kids."
>our faces when
>He grabs the bird
>It moves
>IT FUCKING MOVES
>He jumps back, trips over the curb
>We all lose our shit
>our faces when

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 15:37:00 No.10553758 Report

Quoted By: >>10553997

another near death experience.

>after a weekend at my grandma.
>pack my shit, leave the house and go to the bus station.
>notice my bus leaves the station, don't even bother running.
>"fuck that shit, I'm going back."
>return to my grandma.
>like an hour later, emergency news, "bus line number xxx been exploded after a suicide attack."
>it's the fucking bus I missed.

great life in Israel.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 16:18:00 No.10553997 Report

Quoted By:

>>10553758
That was Jesus who saved you, bro

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 17:07:00 No.10554334 Report

Quoted By: >>10554387

>Yesterday
>Boyfriend says "what are you doing later? When I'm home from bbq you can come over"
>"OK!"
>He gets home
>natters on about moving to London, starting new business up, working 7 days a week
>Tell him I'll support him no matter what..
>ask him where I fit into these plans
>"They're just speculations..."
>I see..
>Go to bed alone
>This morning
>Expect to spend today with him
>(He works late all week, weekends = see him)
>Expect too much
>He's made plans
>Goes to thing we were both invited to
>Alone
>Plays frisbee with his friends
>Goes shopping
>I am not invited at all
>Feel bad pushing my way into his plans
>I get back into bed
>feels lonely, man

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 17:16:00 No.10554387 Report

Quoted By: >>10554420

>>10554334
Communicate with him. If he's like the rest of us normal men, then he doesn't even realise that he's blocking you out and ignoring you. Just be direct and polite.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 17:20:00 No.10554420 Report

Quoted By:

>>10554387
Not so sure what to say, he should be able to spend his weekend however he wants due to working so hard...
I'm trying not to sulk about it and make him feel bad.
I'm just lonely.
He laughed when one friend brought up me moving in with him to spend more time with him.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 17:21:00 No.10554422 Report

Quoted By: >>10554433

>>10541594
>>10541176 here.

This thread is STILL GOING? Jesus H, I've had a full nights sleep and been to work.

Sun 08 Aug 2010 17:22:00 No.10554433 Report

Quoted By:

>>10554422
welcome to r9k. it happens all the time

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 17:51:00 No.10554586 Report

Quoted By: >>10554623

>>10553433

You had no weed and no prospect of getting any, you were outside, yet you somehow had a bong on you?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 08 Aug 2010 18:00:00 No.10554623 Report

Quoted By:

>>10554586
I thought the same exact thing
>mfw

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