/r9k1/ - ROBOT9000 (Feb. 2008 - Jan. 2011)

[299 / 0 / ?]

Anonymous !fi1ye.yXjE Wed 05 Jan 2011 00:42:00 No.12774212 View View Reply Original Report

okay, so /r9k/ is full of permavirgins and people who like reading sexy stories. This thread is therefore dedicated to utterances or actions that have given

>5000 ladyboners
>instantly
>forever

give us your stories.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 15:35:00 No.12786154 Report

Quoted By:

>>12784961

have you ever felt a cat tongue? that shit is rough

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 16:21:00 No.12786421 Report

Quoted By:

My hat goes off to everyone itt
many manboners were popped

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 16:42:00 No.12786442 Report

Quoted By: >>12786601

dude here

>start making out with my girlfriend (inb4 /r9k/ doesnt have a gf)
>forcefully pull her clothes off her
>start caressing, kissing and licking her body
>slowly work my way up placing kisses on her legs
>get to her vag and say "whats the magic word?"
>she refuses to say please
>i continue to kiss her body
>start licking her left ear which is really sensitive.
>"whats the magic word?"
>she wont say it
>repeat the teasing
>"whats the magic word?"
>"please, please i want it so bad"
>finger her for my life
>3 fingers in there hard and fast
>her moans are getting louder she's about to cum
>stop
>orgasm denied
>i walk out of the room
>hfw
>i wait downstairs, pretend to shut the front door
>she runs down with nothing on but the blanket
>"where are you going, please!"
>grab her
>pin her on the door
>get on the floor
>everyone walk the dinosaur

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 17:08:00 No.12786456 Report

Quoted By:

>Boyfriend is really shy, quiet, pretty level headed most of the time
>Start watching him play video games
>Suddenly, he bursts out into a fit of extreme rage
>Grabs his controller, throws it at his wall, gets up and punches a hole in his closet door
>5000 lady boners
>instantly
>forever

Rage is hot, except when it resorts to beatings which he doesn't do, thankfully.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO head.jpg, 109KiB, 400x300

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 17:14:00 No.12786458 Report

Quoted By:

I feel like this might be appropriate.

But I'm not sure.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 17:32:00 No.12786496 Report

Quoted By:

>>12779427
Heard one of these before. Except it was in the newspaper, and they went to jail.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 17:36:00 No.12786526 Report

Quoted By:

>Walks into good thread.

Can we keep going?

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 18:03:00 No.12786555 Report

Quoted By:

I once put my dick in my ass

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 18:19:00 No.12786601 Report

Quoted By: >>12792297

>>12786442
MOTHERFUCKER

I seriously raged hard, with my dick in my hand....ffffffuuuuuuuuu

>my ex-gf who's a good friend comes over
>we watch a decent movie i've seen already
>we're spooning in a recliner so we're smooshed together
>i get bored and rub my hand around her belly button
>sex scene in movie, can feel the heat off of her body
>out of nowhere she flips around and kisses me hard
>pulls my dick out and starts sucking it frantically
>we move to my room, i tell her i don't feel like having sex
>she's laying on her back me laying over her
>looks me dead in the eye and says
>" i want you inside me now. "

first time i made a girl cum during sex, felt so alpha

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 18:30:00 No.12786663 Report

Quoted By: >>12786744

>>12780103
God damn. Closest I ever had to this happening was another woman explaining how to do it properly by physically demonstrating. I just sat there like an idiot and watched. And haven't done anything resembling put it into practise since.

I'm so lame about asking for/doing what I actually like.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 18:46:00 No.12786744 Report

Quoted By:

>>12786663
>>12786663

Wait, would you be the giver or receiver? Sorry, not following...

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 19:05:00 No.12786835 Report

Quoted By:

>he slowly kisses my neck
>his hands running down my body as he slowly caresses me
>he pulls me tightly
>he moves his hand up softly and gently squeezing my left breast
>moving down my neck he kisses harder, softly biting as he goes
>he gets on the floor
>everybody walks the dinosaur
>5000 ladyboners
>instantly
>forever

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 19:16:00 No.12786876 Report

Quoted By:

>>12774212

>girlfriends wearing a skirt with no undies on
>I eat her out while she plays with her clit
>Says shes getting really horny, I stop for the sheer pleasure of it
>she begs me to carry on, I say no
>she stands up, throws me onto the bed and gets my cock out
>"What are you doing?" " If I suck your dick will you carry on?"
>blow huge load in her mouth, best orgasm evar
>carry on eating her out, she cums buckets, bed sheets soaked
>5000 ladyboners/maleboners
>instantly
>forever

feelsgoodman.jpg

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 19:37:00 No.12786963 Report

Quoted By: >>12786985

oh my god, this thread.

So I'm kind of shy around girls, and this girl I've been seeing asks me over to her house after a film to 'chill out'. we have to cancel that time because she has shit to do, and then we say we'll re-arrange some other time. She keeps bringing up the fact she wants me at her house in our text/messages/IM conversations.

I see her next on the 10th at her place, I think. I'm gonna go over to her house and meet her at the door. Her parents are due to leave shortly after. I'm going to stand next to her and watch them leave, and keep waiting until i hear the door slam shut...

Then I'm going to go over to her, grab her by the shoulders... gently whisper 'God you make me so horny' in her ear before throwing her onto the couch, ripping away her panties and eating her out till her juices run down my chin.

how many ladyboners would this give average femanons? please rate/respond

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 19:41:00 No.12786978 Report

Quoted By: >>12787008

>sleeping in the same bed with my friend, he's behind hugging me
>i can feel his dick nestling against my butt
>he starts rubbing it there, erection
>"what are you doing"
>he stops and says sorry
>minutes pass
>AGAIN
>this time he does it faster and ties my legs with his own legs so i can't move and comes over my body
>he suddenly stops again because he felt shamed, but i almost begged him to carry on. which didn't happen of course.
>zzzzzzz we sleep
>;_;

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 19:42:00 No.12786985 Report

Quoted By:

>>12786963
Oh gosh.
>5000 Ladyboners
>Instantly
>Forever

GOD I wish a cute shy guy would be this rough with me.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 19:48:00 No.12787008 Report

Quoted By: >>12787012 >>12787038

>>12786978
As a general rule, men tend to not care what their g/f wants/says for about half an hour after blowing his load. The more you know!

>Captcha = Fifty Phamins. Sounds like a B.O.B. song.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 19:49:00 No.12787012 Report

Quoted By:

>>12787008
i've learned that you just tell them how good it was for you and they're happy, anything else and their brain is like mmm NO

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 19:53:00 No.12787038 Report

Quoted By:

>>12787008
woops i didn't mean to say that he cums, he "climbed" on my body.

>he comes over my body

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 20:18:00 No.12787213 Report

Quoted By: >>12787271 >>12787323 >>12787359 >>12800975

>Be a tomboyish, shy and sort of ugly virgin
>Only have guy friends
>Hang out at a friends place with him and two other guys
>Pop half a ladyboner every time I'm around them just because they're out of my league but still hang with me
>Playing some video games
>Suddenly they all move very close and surround me
>"Jessica, we're concerned for you. You're a 23 year old virgin, and that won't do. Tonight you're going to get fucked raw."
>5000 ladyboners
>instantly
>forever
>Also think they're playing around
>Just sit there blushing
>Three dicks are whipped out
>"oh god what is happening"
>They guide me through a proper blowjob
>"I'm surrounded by erect dicks this is awesome and terrifying what will happen now jesus help me"
>Get stripped by three pairs of hands, bent over the couch
>Penetration
>"My god it hurts how can it be so big will this ever end mother have mercy"
>Get a dick shoved in my mouth while getting pumped from behind
>"I have no mouth and I must moan"
>They alternate positions
>Orgasm
>Spanking and hair-pulling ensues
>More orgasms
>An eternity later, loads are busted onto my back and on my forehead
>"You're a woman now"
>Feels conflicting man, luckiest girl in the world/dirtiest whore in the village
>Work out feelings over a week or so
>Decide I like it
>Become blowjob dispenser during Nintendo Nights
>ladyboners forever

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 20:23:00 No.12787248 Report

Quoted By:

> male
> start to read thread
> sounds great, i get a boner
> continue reading while rubbing my cock
> want to archive
> "Thread 12774212 has already been archived."
> 5000 boners
> instantly
> forever

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 20:25:00 No.12787271 Report

Quoted By:

>>12787213

was waiting for spaghetti to be falling out of pockets, instead I got a rape story by the local jizz rag.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 20:27:00 No.12787286 Report

Quoted By:

>Boyfriend is playing video games
>I lay on the bed on my stomach
>I'm watching him but he's not aware
>Slip trousers off and say I'm too warm
>Start to fall asleep
>Wake up to boyfriend laying on my back
>He's hard
>Starts grinding against my ass
>Whispers in my ear "now you know what it's like to be teased"
>Continues to tease me for half an hour, kissing and breathing in my ear, running his fingers through my hair
>5000 ladyboners
>instantly
>forever

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 20:33:00 No.12787323 Report

Quoted By:

>>12787213

Some of these are so horridly, and horribly fake that I cannot even begin to describe my disgust for them.

"Tonight you're getting fucked raw."

Really? Who says that. That sounds like a bad porno, you fucking idiot.

If you're going to make shit up, at least be original.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 20:37:00 No.12787349 Report

Quoted By: >>12787356

All women want to be raped. All of them. Harder the sex the wetter they get

I don't know what to think about this

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 20:39:00 No.12787356 Report

Quoted By:

>>12787349
just accept it

it's fun and girls just want to have fun (derp)

no reason to be a moralfag and act like a repressed virgin in bed

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 20:39:00 No.12787359 Report

Quoted By:

>>12787213
>"My god it hurts how can it be so big will this ever end mother have mercy"

This is an accurate description of my first time.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 20:47:00 No.12787404 Report

Quoted By: >>12787448 >>12787703

>be naked and tied up by my boyfriend
>he leaves the room and doesn't come back for half an hour
>just as i start wondering what the hell he's doing, he comes back with a dildo, a candle, and some matches
>slaps me in the face
>forces my legs apart
>dildo slides right in as i'm dripping by this point
>lights the candle
>drips wax onto my breasts from the candle, jacking himself off at the same time
>puts his dick in my mouth, tells me to just lick it
>then just as he gets close to clima

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 20:52:00 No.12787448 Report

Quoted By:

>>12787404
Well played. I fucking lol'd

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 20:58:00 No.12787490 Report

Quoted By:

>talking to boyfriend on msn
>he's excited
>confess i'm into BDSM a bit
>says in voice clips that he wants to tie me to a chair and blindfold me
>says he wants to put vibrators in me and walk away hearing me scream in pleasure
>and that he'll come back and eat me out when im all sensitive until i beg for his cock
>says he'll jam it all in at once
>5000 ladyboners
>instantly
>forever

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 21:01:00 No.12787510 Report

Quoted By:

Stop using the fucking term ladyboners. Wtf is that? Makes you all sound like transexuals with an identity conflict.
Also, fuck you OP for starting it here.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 22:08:00 No.12787703 Report

Quoted By: >>12787918

>>12787404
At first I didn't get it, but then I saw "Candle,jacking" and then I lol'd so ha-

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 22:25:00 No.12787824 Report

Quoted By:

So I know a girl who's in to BDSM and writes stories and everything. I'm kinda friendzoned. But she has a gf,she says they date boys and girls at the same time. So she's coming over this weekend,if I do the "The safe word is alone." Then proceed to fuck her like a champ. How does Femanon and Anon feel about the idea?

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 22:28:00 No.12787847 Report

Quoted By:

>getting turned on by "lady boners"
Mfw you fall for the TRAP AGENDA

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 05 Jan 2011 22:37:00 No.12787918 Report

Quoted By:

>>12787703

Dont you know you cant say candleja-

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 06 Jan 2011 04:31:00 No.12791074 Report

Quoted By: >>12792314

>teasing my boyfriend
>rubbing the head of his cock on my clit
>letting him inside for just a second
>start jerking him as i'm rubbing my clit with him
>he gets close a few times
>he starts begging for me to let him cum
>tell him no
>he cums all over my clit
>5000 ladyboners
>instantly
>forever

i make him cum on my clit all the time now. it feels so good.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 06 Jan 2011 05:47:00 No.12792297 Report

Quoted By:

>>12786601
thanks man, that was my first attempt at trolling. Feels good that i got someone.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 06 Jan 2011 05:48:00 No.12792314 Report

Quoted By: >>12793124

>>12791074
What the hell is wrong with your boyfriend? How does it feel to be the male in the relationship?

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 06 Jan 2011 06:38:00 No.12793124 Report

Quoted By:

>>12792314
not letting a glorious thread die on this asshole comment

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 06 Jan 2011 06:51:00 No.12793331 Report

Quoted By: >>12793487

Boyfriend and I are sorta 50/50 dom/sub- we both enjoy both. hella lot of fun.

>be subbing
>be topless
>hands spread to either bedpost and tied with bondage tape
>Master straddleing my chest
>blindfolded
>hear him rip open the zip of his jeans very very close to my face
>5000 ladyboners
>instantly
>forever
>"want a cock to suck, Slave?"
>all of the ladyboners

or..

>be domming
>be on top of him
>blindfold him
>start teasing like crazy
>kissing all the way down his chest &belly
>dat gasp when he realises blowjob is iminent
>5000 ladyboners
>instantly
>forever

also, when i'm domming and he whimpers. holy fuck ladyboners.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 06 Jan 2011 07:00:00 No.12793487 Report

Quoted By:

>>12793331
50/50 dom/sub seems like the only way to party.

>summer between freshman and sophomore year of high school
>have girlfriend, cute in a mousy way
>rolling around one day in my bed
>start to kiss all up on dat head
>get to her ear, she gasps and says "stop!"
>alpha mode: initiate (a feat not yet attempted)
>kiss, lick, suck, rub lips on her ears until both sides of her head are soaked
>lots of gasping, convulsing, breathy laughing from her side
>slowly inch way down pants, get to underwear
>grope grope grope while the ears are still getting attention
>seconds later, fucking grope bare ass
>she keeps tightening up and we're getting sweaty
>gasping and panting from both sides
>boners for all

Thanks for this thread, robutts. In my depressive state I've remembered this achievement of mine, and now I feel heppy as an elf.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 06 Jan 2011 08:08:00 No.12794710 Report

Quoted By:

> do theatrical costuming
> obviously know how to get backstage
> invite boyfriend to come to one of the shows
> he used to be an actor
> intermission, he turns to me and he says "I'm bored. Let's take a walk"
> Mildly offended by his boredom
> He leads us backstage
> "We're not exactly allowed to be in there right now."
> "I don't care. It'll be much more exciting than the show."
> Pushes me back against a rack of costumes
> As we fuck backstage, we can hear the show going on in the background
>5000 ladyboners
>instantly
>forever

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 06 Jan 2011 11:13:00 No.12797588 Report

Quoted By:

I DEMAND MOAR! all my ladyboners are from cybering. being a virgin sucks

>bf and I decide that I should be a cute little innocent fuckable skitty
>he's just recently learned of my gore fetish
>we get going, he gets really forceful
>i'm okay with this.jpg
>suddenly, fucking literally ripped in half, he's fucking my rib cage
>351586435246835468534 ladyboners
>instantly
>forever

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 06 Jan 2011 16:13:00 No.12800310 Report

Quoted By:

BAMPU I WILL SAVE YOUUUUU

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 06 Jan 2011 16:29:00 No.12800404 Report

Quoted By:

>>12776237
Cheers for that, bitch.

Okay, my thing was just kinda similar, but still.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 06 Jan 2011 17:57:00 No.12800975 Report

Quoted By:

>>12787213

This was so badly written and so blatantly fake that I nearly gagged. Then I lmao at "I have no mouth and I must moan."

Slightly humorous, anon. You should take that act on the road.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 225px-Ben_Bernanke_official_port (...).jpg, 35KiB, 225x281

Anonymous Thu 06 Jan 2011 19:03:00 No.12801524 Report

Quoted By: >>12801557

What is the exchange rate on these "manboners"? 1 male boner to :5000 ladyboners?

What happens if Ben Bernake gets a hard on? Is the economy suddenly flooded? Does the exchange rate of these change to 1:100000 ladyboners? I don't think our fragile economy could handle that.

We need regulation on this shit.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 06 Jan 2011 19:07:00 No.12801557 Report

Quoted By:

>>12801524
>Be stock market
>be flooded with manboners in a crowd
>feel them all over me, poking at me, wanting me
>5000 Ladyboners
>instantly
>forever

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1294121429774.jpg, 41KiB, 480x640

Anonymous Thu 06 Jan 2011 19:08:00 No.12801569 Report

Quoted By:

>be a lego
>can't do shit.
>Damn

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 07 Jan 2011 00:04:00 No.12804007 Report

Quoted By:

>be a guy
>read this thread
>manboners everywhere instantly forever
>decide to bump

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