aw man, are you fucking kidding me? my body is a pit of treachery.
>pee
>think i'm finished
>shake it, let it sit for a few seconds just in case
>put it back in my underwear
>OH WAIT NO A BIG PEE SPOT SUDDENLY APPEARS
it's like my penis has performance anxiety and can't relax until he's home, safe, in my boxers (or, occasionally, boxer briefs). seriously, every time.
>first time i'm ever getting a blowjojo
>penis jumps, hits the girl square in the eye
>her grimace, my face when.
>throw a pretty massive party, tell everyone at work about it, spend 200 bucks on booze
>get food poisoning that day
>in bed, puking all over myself by 10:30 pm
>hadn't had a single drink
>had to go in the next day because everyone thought i was just hung over.
>walking home from a girl's house, have about five blocks to go
>fart.
>oh wait, no, shit. a lot of it. it's running down my goddamn leg.
>crab walk home
>see some friends walking towards me
>hide behind a dumpster, in the shadows, deeply ashamed
>get home, throw my pants in the trashcan outside
>walk in wearing only a t shirt.
>roommate's in the living room.
goddamn you, body.
