/r9k2/ - Robot9001 (Oct. 2011 on)

[85 / 0 / ?]

Anonymous Sat 26 Jan 2013 20:21:19 No.5403809 View View Reply Original Report

Quoted By: >>5408180 >>5408312 >>5408979 >>5409344 >>5409404 >>5412397

>Be 15 years old.
>Masturbating at 150 MPH to some hot monster girl doujin.
>Whenever I'm ready to blow I go over to do it on my towel on the other side of the room.
>All of a sudden fucking random dad bursts out of nowhere to check whether the radiator is working.
>Instantly leap over to the other side of the room to turn off the monitor.
>It's too late.
>He sees me with my cock out.
>Know I'm done for.
>Me: "Shit, fucking shit. Shit fuck!"
>Dad: "Ah it's alright. Nothing to be ashamed of."
>Freeze in shock.
>He leaves the room.
>Think about how fucked up that could of been if he didn't approve of my masturbatory activities.
>Realize how lucky I am to have the Dad I have.
>Look down to see my boner has instantly dissapeared.
What was your first experience like being caught?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 02:36:55 No.5408167 Report

Quoted By:

>>5404007
the first story - what a fucking overload. that didn't happen, did it? you whacky 14 yo.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 02:37:00 No.5408171 Report

Quoted By:

>started "fapping" at age 8
>actually understand what fapping is at age 14, officialy start
>21 now, never caught

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 02:37:38 No.5408178 Report

Quoted By:

>In my room fapping to things on 4chan
>pants down beating it
>friend decides to come over and randomly opens my door
>sees whats going on
>leaves the room and starts laughing uncontrollably
>start laughing too
>mfw wasn't that bad getting caught

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 02:37:40 No.5408180 Report

Quoted By: >>5408213

>>5403809
Why do some guys cum into towels? That's fucking disgusting, just use something disposable.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 02:39:04 No.5408194 Report

Quoted By: >>5408234 >>5408990 >>5409170

>be 13
>home alone
>very horny
>try putting carrots up butt
>after I came I remembered my mom was going to use them to make supper
>put them back in fridge
>be eating supper that night
>dad yells that the carrots taste like shit
>mom starts crying
>dishes get thrown
>they later separate and end up getting a divorce

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 02:39:48 No.5408208 Report

Quoted By: >>5408896

>>5403856
>Maid
AND YOU DIDNT FUCK HER???? WTF ANON

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 02:39:59 No.5408213 Report

Quoted By:

>>5408180
you seem to be setting your expectations a bit high for the patrons of /r9k/

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 02:41:48 No.5408234 Report

Quoted By:

>>5408194
my sides have been completely decimated

10/10, bravo

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 02:45:41 No.5408299 Report

Quoted By: >>5408342

My mom caught me masturbating once, and my dad as I was about to fuck my girlfriend of the time.

>tfw when it didn't matter
>tfw when excellent relationship with parents

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 02:46:27 No.5408312 Report

Quoted By:

>>5403809
You have a towel you cum into regularly?
Have you got no shame?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 02:48:21 No.5408342 Report

Quoted By: >>5408374 >>5408854

>>5408299
>tfw when
mate... you should go kill yourself

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO ugly-cat-with-cleft-palate.jpg, 54KiB, 570x519

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 02:50:09 No.5408373 Report

Quoted By: >>5408387

For the longest time I would fap by covering my dick with a plastic bag, then cum in the comfort of my bed. So that my parents wouldn't search the garbage, I would flush these bags down the toilet. I was doing that for awhile, but then we found out the septic system for my bathroom was backing up. The sewer people came and they opened up the tank, and there it was, several months of bags full of rotting cum clogging the septic pipes, and several more of them on the bottom. My parents, The sewer company people, and my siblings saw it all. I don't think my family members even look at me the same way anymore.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 02:50:09 No.5408374 Report

Quoted By: >>5408412

>>5408342
dude... this is fuckin /r9k/

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 02:51:11 No.5408387 Report

Quoted By:

>>5408373
I better you thought you had such a clever system too.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 02:53:37 No.5408412 Report

Quoted By: >>5408425

>>5408374
>tfw when you didn't get why that anon should kill himself.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 02:54:31 No.5408425 Report

Quoted By: >>5408460

>>5408412
I didn't either, if it isn't sarcasm then why would he say that?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 02:57:48 No.5408460 Report

Quoted By:

>>5408425
>tfw when whether unsure everybody is kidding or not

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 03:02:05 No.5408521 Report

Quoted By: >>5409200

>be 16
>knock on my door
>ANON DINNERS READY
>"OK,SHIT"
>"OH YEAH,ANON THIS CAME IN THE MAIL TODAY,IT'S FOR YOU."
>dad opens the door
>GOD DAMMIT ANON,YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME YOU WERE JACKING OFF,I WOULD HAVE LEFT YOU ALONE,SHIT."
>"OH YEAH,REMEMBER TO WASH YOUR HANDS BEFORE YOU COME TO DINNER"
>"IT'S PIZZA"
>"THANKS DAD."

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 03:21:56 No.5408787 Report

Quoted By: >>5408801 >>5408810

>be 17
>start fapping late at night
>nothing in my room for me to dispose of the semen with except some ziplock bags from my lunch
>continues for several months
>oh shit I'm now storing bags of semen under my bed
>can't throw them in the garbage at home so I take them with me in my back pack one day to school and plan on throwing them in some dumpster on the way there
>people see me as i'm walking, so I have to keep them hidden in my backpack
>never have a chance to get rid of them so I leave them in my locker
>never use my locker for the rest of semester for fear of someone seeing all the cum bags
>last week of school and it's locker clean out day, mine fucking reeks, everyone is laughing telling me to clean out my locker
>teacher forces me to open it, small maggots and flies come out of my locker, everyone sees the moldy cum bags
spent my last year of highschool at an online school for socially inept children out of the immense shame. now I spend my days as a neet browsing r9k and watching anime

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 03:23:17 No.5408801 Report

Quoted By:

>>5408787
oh god. wth is wrong with you. this is why i just take care of stuff as it comes up.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 03:23:58 No.5408810 Report

Quoted By:

>>5408787
You're my new god. Like, I'm going to write a book on this.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 03:27:16 No.5408854 Report

Quoted By:

>>5408342
>missuses meme
>suicide
>4chan logic

krokodil !!HNyAuxYLO4Q

krokodil !!HNyAuxYLO4Q Sun 27 Jan 2013 03:29:52 No.5408896 Report

Quoted By:

>>5408208
Maids are not what you think they are anon

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 9l0iR.gif, 282KiB, 250x140

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 03:34:44 No.5408979 Report

Quoted By: >>5409009

>>5403809
> Be 16 years old
> Saturday morning, 3 AM
> Masturbating furiously to some bimbos
> Mother walks in pissed that I'm not asleep
> "OH GOD THIS IS JUST SICK YOU ARE JUST SICK ANON GO TO BED THIS IS DISGUSTING"

College really is a lot better than living at home.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 03:35:04 No.5408990 Report

Quoted By:

>>5408194
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCK 10/10 MAN BRAVO

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 03:36:29 No.5409009 Report

Quoted By: >>5409077

>>5408979
>not fapping with the light off and a blanket/sweatshirt against the base of the door to block the light
Casual.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 03:37:01 No.5409018 Report

Quoted By:

>>5403949
>jerking off on the Kitchen floor behind the table
What the fuck, man?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 03:39:50 No.5409062 Report

Quoted By:

Why don't you just rub the semen over your body?
It's our lubricant.We made it. We shouldn't be ashamed of it.

>since 8th grade, rubbed my semen all over my hair
>it made my hair look shiny and healthy
>10th grade, my English teacher smelled something fishy
>the student behind me got criticized

My semen is like my hair gel.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 03:40:42 No.5409077 Report

Quoted By:

>>5409009
Right after that I bought a small lamp to turn on instead and stuffed my dirty laundry over the door crack

ALL DAY ERRYDAY

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 03:42:21 No.5409106 Report

Quoted By:

my mom found my pocket pussy and played dumb "what's this"
i said "give me it that's mine"
and snatched it off her and hid it again

we never talked about it again

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1358707225690.jpg, 70KiB, 262x412

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 03:44:37 No.5409148 Report

Quoted By:

my sister walked on me jerking it once
i asked her to get the fuck out
and continued like a sir
no awkwardness whatsoever we never talked about it

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 03:45:45 No.5409170 Report

Quoted By:

>>5408194
Does shit actually taste like shit?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 03:47:18 No.5409200 Report

Quoted By:

>>5408521
>ANON DINNERS READY
>ONE SEC DEAD IM JACKING OFF
Is that what he would have preferred?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 03:48:11 No.5409219 Report

Quoted By:

>>5403915
why the hell do you have a maid? .. are you like an aristocrat or something?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 03:49:27 No.5409239 Report

Quoted By:

>used my dad's electric toothbrush as a a vibrator for 2 years in middle school
>he still doesn't know

fml, /r9k/

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 03:57:52 No.5409344 Report

Quoted By:

>>5403809
>be 15
>be masturbating at 88mph
>go back in time
>get caught by dad at 15
>he's fapping to
>both fap together over young mom
>go out and get pizza together instead f attending shitty school under the sea dance
Everythingwentbetterthanexpected

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 04:01:38 No.5409404 Report

Quoted By:

>>5403809
>op's pic
Fukken saved

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 07:43:55 No.5412397 Report

Quoted By:

>>5403809
>can't remember how old, early high-school i assume or late primary school
>masterbating by lying down and wriggling up an down with my cock to the side while on a chair
>dad walks in
>my legs bent backward
>tells me objectifying women is wrong
>tell him i didn't pay for it so i'm not contributing to the industry anyway so why does he even care
>embarrassment takes me a month or two to even be able to look at my dad in the eye

god i hope he didn't tell my mother. jesus christ

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 07:48:49 No.5412432 Report

Quoted By:

>be 14
>it's late and mom's doing laundry so I think I'm in the clear
>close my door and go on my pc and start watching videos
>mom comes in at one point and when I try to close it it pops back up because it's firefox and it's multiple tabs
>look at her before I realize this and then turn around
>close it and she leaves
>tells me how it's gross and disgusting the next day and not to do it

it was the worst moment of my life and the worst couple weeks after

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 07:53:54 No.5412477 Report

Quoted By: >>5412725

Never been caught wanking, but this happened

> 16 years old
> Nailing 19 year old gf
> My mom walks in, we didn't hear my parents come home because of the loud music
> Nobody knocks in my family. Nobody except me.
> She stares for a few seconds while my gf scrambles for some sheets
> She smirks and says "You know you aught to tie something around the doorknob, it's the universal sign for "We're goin at it"
> I shake my head and laugh a little, then say "Did you used to do that with dad?"
> She smiles and says "No, but we didn't blast nigger music either"
> She looks at my cock and says "Hmph, at least you inherited one good thing from my side of the family"
> She goes to close the door, looks at my girlfriend and says "you're welcome!"
> Laughs manically as she goes down stairs

Damnit mom you had swagger before the shitty 95-00 kids ruined it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 07:57:22 No.5412520 Report

Quoted By:

"Yes it works son"
Never thought I'd laugh with my dick out in the same room as my dad.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1352773598180.jpg, 40KiB, 720x480

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 08:02:55 No.5412575 Report

Quoted By: >>5412648

>>5403949
>>'You can't put pens up your bottom anon, please stop doing that.'
oh god i'm cring

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 08:06:48 No.5412620 Report

Quoted By: >>5412719

>>5403856

>Dad's are always okay with that shit

Mine sure fucking wasn't. My Dad was raised in one of those bible thumper households and the second he found about all the stuff I've been watching he flipped his shit and we had to have a few "man to man" conversations that were degrading to say the least.

The worst of it all was he told all my friends parents about it because he suspected that I gained my fondness of naked women from one of m friends.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 08:09:52 No.5412648 Report

Quoted By:

>>5412575
I used to masturbate to both Aisha and Melfina when I was 12. Good times.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO meandop.jpg, 21KiB, 259x249

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 08:11:57 No.5412670 Report

Quoted By:

>be like 15 years old
>always fap into a tube sock that I stash into my box-spring mattress
>sock eventually turns yellowish and hard as a rock
>random day come home with my mom
>shards of cloth scattered everywhere through the house like confetti
>mom begins yelling at the dog because she got into something and chewed it up
>upon further inspection realize its my fap sock
>immediately pick up all thousand pieces in record shattering time
>mom happy I cleaned up after my dog, asks what it was
>'a napkin out of my trash i think'
>mother never realizes what happened

or did she?

CSI doesn't even collect evidence that thoroughly

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 08:16:42 No.5412719 Report

Quoted By:

>>5412620

Damn that sucks ass

My dad was a total man-whore who left playboys lying around and wanted me to slay young girls because it's what Anon boys do.

Damn, I really disappointed him

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 08:18:06 No.5412725 Report

Quoted By:

>>5412477
No it didn't

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 08:19:36 No.5412735 Report

Quoted By:

I've masturbated in pools, the ocean, when family members were in the other room (doors open), while my roommate was sleeping, and I have never been caught by anyone. I've also tried to masturbate in dangerous places and stopped halfway because the situation got too dire. I think I'm almost immune to blue balls at this point.

One time, my roommate was gone for the weekend, so I woke up, told people I wasn't going to eat breakfast with them so I could wank all morning. I pulled up this OreImo doujin on exhentai and started masturbating furiously. I was about ready to cum, when I heard my friend walk in through the outside door. I quickly pulled up my shorts as he walked in the door. He said hi to me and looked over to the side for some reason. I used that opportunity to grab the tissues I laid out my desk right in front of me, and threw them underneath my feet. The way my desk was set-up, you couldn't see what was on my computer right when you walked in, so I changed to a different tab on firefox, then minimized it. He came up behind me and started giving me a massage and asked me how it was going. I commented on how it was great that my roommate left for the weekend, and he then left. I went back to my business, and told him later what happened. He had absolutely no idea.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 08:22:35 No.5412757 Report

Quoted By: >>5412784

>not one guy saying he doesn't fap
You know I think I've figured out why you guys are perma-virgins.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 27 Jan 2013 08:24:39 No.5412784 Report

Quoted By:

>>5412757
>he doesn't fap
Do you want us to get prostate problems you ill-informed cunt? Lrn2HealthClass

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