/r9k2/ - Robot9001 (Oct. 2011 on)

[501 / 0 / ?]

Anonymous Tue 11 Jun 2013 09:00:15 No.7294075 View View Reply Original Report

ITT Shit we cringe at.

>be 14
>looking around on the internet
>see a really hot picture of emma watson
>print it out
>stick it under bed, didn't jerk off to it or anything at all
>be 19
>check the old bunkbed I slept on, lift up bed
>it's gone

tl;dr my mother found an arousing picture of emma watson under my bed

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 20:52:22 No.7349767 Report

Quoted By: >>7350148

>Be 14
>Having "Conversation" on Omegle (I was 14, sue me)
>1:30 in morning on school night
>Mother walks in
>I manage to pass it off as reading an E-book
>Dark room, avoid turning my chair
>She buys it
>She walks out
>How the fuck did she notice I wasn't wearing pants?
>TFW the exact same thing happens a few months later

Another one:
>Be 16
>At dad's apartment
>Have to share room with dad
>Having dream about arguing with mom
>Argument gets really heated
>I yell "YES!" in rebuttal to something she says
>Wake up
>Yell "YES!" in real life
>Oh fuck
>Vow never to speak of it again
>Realize that would make things worse
>Try to casually explain it to my dad the next day
>Makes things worse
>Realize dreams like that are all a conspiracy plotted by the NHK in order to make me a hikikamori
>Suddenly, everything makes sense

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 21:01:51 No.7349840 Report

Quoted By:

>Be 13
>Have playboy pic of Tricia Helfer saved on my computer
>One day, my aunt and I are on my computer, looking for pictures I took for a school application.
>Stumble upon the picture
>It's okay anon, these pictures are normal
>Dodged a bullet on that one

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 21:05:51 No.7349881 Report

Quoted By:

>moms cleaning rooms
finally, an advantage to having a dysfunctional mom who doesn't do shit except herding sheep

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 21:09:09 No.7349919 Report

Quoted By:

>>7347842
I hate this shit because i dont drink alcohol which basically means no friends ever

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 21:27:12 No.7350081 Report

Quoted By:

>>7349655
Hello Lien/Lian can never remember which one it is.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 21:34:16 No.7350148 Report

Quoted By: >>7350204 >>7350379

>>7349767
I take it you're female. You tell your stories like one.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 21:37:54 No.7350193 Report

Quoted By:

>Grade 11
>Chemistry class, teacher is old hag
>long period today, I let out a sigh of frustration
>"Lol Anon why are you moaning, does the teacher make you horny?"
>Class teases me about it for ten minutes while the teacher just stares

Fuck that class, had to drop it eventually. Was near failing it, couldn't concentrate, got bullied everyday

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 21:39:05 No.7350204 Report

Quoted By: >>7350464

>>7350148
Nope, full male here

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1371239421029.jpg, 231KiB, 620x620

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 21:44:00 No.7350265 Report

Quoted By: >>7350681

>be today
>finishing shift early at new job (mail sorting office)
>go to toilets for a minute or two
>go to exit
>locked
>go back to main warehouse
>alarms goes off
>wait until someone lets me out

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 21:50:39 No.7350350 Report

Quoted By:

>>7349724
My parents had a few embarrassing stories of me that they kept saying they would tell at my wedding.

I straight up told them that if they did that they would ruin the entire experience for me. They were disappointed (why do parents get off on embarrassing their kids at their wedding?) but they kept a their traps shut and my wedding kicked ass

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 21:52:43 No.7350379 Report

Quoted By: >>7350570

>>7350148
I was about to say the same thing, sounds like an annoying girl I know.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 21:59:04 No.7350464 Report

Quoted By:

>>7350204
For the record I didn't mean that in a bad way.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 22:09:26 No.7350570 Report

Quoted By:

>>7350379
Seriously though, wouldn't it be a little weird if I was a girl and shared a room with my dad?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 22:13:25 No.7350604 Report

Quoted By: >>7350634 >>7350684 >>7350766 >>7351281

>4 or 5 years old
>Staying with my grandparents
>Sitting watching TV while my Grandma cooks dinner
>Some local news story about a fashion show comes on
>Lots of jiggly exposed lady flesh being paraded
>Proceed to get my first erection not knowing what it is
>Proudly exclaim to my Grandma "These pretty women are making my willy get stronger"
>She bursts out laughing

This occasionally gets brought up at family gatherings

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 22:16:34 No.7350634 Report

Quoted By: >>7350688

>>7350604
I used to get random boners when I was three fucking years old. There might be something wrong with that.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 22:21:13 No.7350681 Report

Quoted By:

>>7350265
Poor anon, from now onwards you will be known as that new guy who locked himself inside and set off the alarm.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 22:21:30 No.7350684 Report

Quoted By:

>>7350604
I used to sit in the living room naked and play with my cock whilst watching TV, I did this from about age 2 all the way up to age 5.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 22:22:02 No.7350688 Report

Quoted By: >>7350695 >>7350704

>>7350634
It's just the earliest one I remember.

I'm sure I had ones when I was younger but I don't have perfect recollection of every single erection I've ever had.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 22:23:01 No.7350695 Report

Quoted By:

>>7350688
Why not? What the fuck is wrong with you?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 22:23:38 No.7350704 Report

Quoted By:

>>7350688
>he doesn't remember every single boner he's ever had in the span of his entire life
Did those boners mean nothing to you? Are you really that much of a sexual deviant? How disgusting.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 22:25:44 No.7350719 Report

Quoted By: >>7350727

I used to think "vagina" were simply penises encrusted in gold, rubies, and diamonds.

I thought that's where the women got their general bitchiness and sense of superiority.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 22:26:12 No.7350726 Report

Quoted By:

>>7294075
>be 17
>at community college
>print off picture of avril lavigne with a dildo (I knew it was a shop)
>printing didn't print
>didn't think to stop print
>tutor comes in and does something to printer,
>it prints.
She knew it was me, each computer has a number and a user code.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 22:26:35 No.7350727 Report

Quoted By:

>>7350719
Are you sure that's not the case?

Denmark !!p9kfWqUjp16

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1368138211169.jpg, 17KiB, 255x252

Denmark !!p9kfWqUjp16 Sat 15 Jun 2013 22:28:55 No.7350746 Report

Quoted By:

>13 old
>taking the bus with my childhood friends and two girls (one of which was my crush)
>have to pay the driver
>take out wallet (yeah i had a wallet, so what)
>tons of condoms fall out
>girls all laughing at me, even my male friends because i was a kissless virgin back then and everyone knew
>their faces when
Cringe to this very day.

Denmark !!p9kfWqUjp16

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1370790036115.jpg, 41KiB, 462x469

Denmark !!p9kfWqUjp16 Sat 15 Jun 2013 22:31:15 No.7350766 Report

Quoted By:

>>7350604
>>Proudly exclaim to my Grandma "These pretty women are making my willy get stronger"

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 23:19:32 No.7351252 Report

Quoted By:

>>7300704
You're a fucking rapist. I hope you learn someday how it feels to be raped, you piece of shit.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 23:22:44 No.7351281 Report

Quoted By:

>>7350604
[willy intensifies]

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 23:29:47 No.7351341 Report

Quoted By:

>>7324725
This is fantastic.
blocks

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 23:47:24 No.7351509 Report

Quoted By:

>>7297766
solid 8/10, read multiple times

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 15 Jun 2013 23:58:26 No.7351663 Report

Quoted By:

>>7346159
>the stripper is too naked

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1360594157044.gif, 421KiB, 250x189

Anonymous Sun 16 Jun 2013 00:12:26 No.7351824 Report

Quoted By:

>>7298999

Sublime. Did you not challenge or question this song at all? Just carried on humping while he sang it?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 16 Jun 2013 00:20:29 No.7351923 Report

Quoted By:

>>7301915

>Pledge of Allegiance

I forget Americans do this, thank you for reminding and giving me a chuckle.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1340904238550.jpg, 13KiB, 251x190

Anonymous Sun 16 Jun 2013 00:34:48 No.7352054 Report

Quoted By: >>7352479

>be 9 or 10
>Never cleaned under foreskin
>Did not know you were supposed to
>Pull skin up for the first time
>Disgusting white stuff everywhere
>go to parents "There is white stuff comming out of my dick"
>I still cringe when i think of my parents faces when

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 16 Jun 2013 00:40:39 No.7352099 Report

Quoted By:

>art class in middle school
>sitting near some guy who used to be my neighbor
>the people at the table are talking about stuff they did in elementary school
>former neighbor kid says "anon, the first time i went to your house to get stuff, your [3-4 y/o] brother was running down the stairs naked"
>douche kid sarcastically says "nice..."
>i stay absolutely quiet the rest of the class

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 16 Jun 2013 00:46:43 No.7352151 Report

Quoted By:

>>7297451
>torrent porn
>get caught
>letter gets sent to house
>parents talk to me about it
fortunately we did have to pay anything since I was a minor.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 16 Jun 2013 00:46:46 No.7352152 Report

Quoted By:

>>7298179
>>7298197
EVERYONE. I'm pretty sure I masturbated to that exact picture before.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 16 Jun 2013 01:14:18 No.7352479 Report

Quoted By:

>>7352054
This makes me glad the be cut.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 16 Jun 2013 01:17:24 No.7352514 Report

Quoted By:

>>7347203
Dude, people in my class were crying during that scene. Not me tho, I'm too Alpha

[spoilers]OH GOD LENNY WHY! ;_;[/spoilers]

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 16 Jun 2013 05:33:10 No.7355337 Report

Quoted By:

>>7325237
Heh, I was just about to reply to that same post with a death grips example.

>Just about to go into exam
>pull out earphones, hadn't even played music that day
>phone decides it's a really good time to resume play
>SPREAD EAGLE ACROSS THE BLOCK
>S-S-S-S PREAD EAGLE ACROSS THE BLOCK
>everyone looks
>EVERYONE

why

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 16 Jun 2013 05:51:21 No.7355516 Report

Quoted By:

>>7297592
>be 28
>still live at home

Fuck, that did make me cringe.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 16 Jun 2013 06:07:49 No.7355705 Report

Quoted By: >>7356050

>>7347203
hahaha, what the fuck was wrong with those kids? fucking sociopaths.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 16 Jun 2013 06:13:29 No.7355773 Report

Quoted By:

>>7324634

Bobby pls.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 16 Jun 2013 06:37:33 No.7356028 Report

Quoted By:

>be 16
>edgy, moodyass teenager
>masturbating in the living room at like 3 in the morning
>been banking it for weeks, jizz an ocean, it gets everywhere
>use like three or four tissues to wipe it up
>hear sounds from upstairs
>ohshit.jpg hide everything
>mom comes down, asks why I'm awake
>moody teenage grunts etc.
>she sees the tissue, asks what's wrong
>hugs me, have to lean back to keep my semierect penis from touching her
>talks about how being a teenager can be hard etc.
>about to leave
>picks up a tissue
>wipes a puddle of jizz off of the lamp
>leaves without saying anything
To this day I have no idea if she knows what she touched

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 16 Jun 2013 06:39:33 No.7356050 Report

Quoted By:

>>7355705
Probably showing off to their peers by acting 'hardkore'. Most of them would shit themselves if they saw anything half that bad IRL.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 16 Jun 2013 06:39:50 No.7356054 Report

Quoted By:

>>7335208
>1/8ths
At least my friend admits that he is barely abo.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 16 Jun 2013 06:45:14 No.7356122 Report

Quoted By:

>>7324634
did therapy help?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 16 Jun 2013 06:54:53 No.7356236 Report

Quoted By:

>>7322675
>>Seeing as how I didn't know how fucked up this was I got my dad to help me hang my CP scat mural above my mom's piano so she'd have something nice to look at while she played
One second I need to pour my self some more tea.
And dry my keyboard

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 16 Jun 2013 06:55:21 No.7356244 Report

Quoted By:

>be like 8 or 9
>at a friend's birthday party
>6 or 7 other guys
>i moon them
>his parents call my parents to come take me home
>they birthday party on without me

vigilante archer princess !BMEVYDTqmM

vigilante archer princess !BMEVYDTqmM Sun 16 Jun 2013 07:02:08 No.7356326 Report

Quoted By:

>seventh grade
>lonely and weird
>group of "popular" girls invites me to be a part of their clique
>agree because potential friendship, which had seemed like a myth until this point
>invite me to sleepover
>truth or dare
>say that in order to initiate me properly, i must take a picture of myself in my (trainer) bra on one of their trendy razr phones
>agree reluctantly
>the picture is forwarded to everyone after i go home the next day
People called me mosquito bites all through high school.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 16 Jun 2013 07:33:58 No.7356686 Report

Quoted By:

>be maybe 13/14
>come back from state above by myself
>when i get home dad walks in and says "I washed your rug, it took 2 or 3 washes to get it fully clean -laughs-"
>Ha, well haven't washed it in what, 4 years?
>dad walks out
>FUCK
There is no way he did not know i was using it as a cum rag

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