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Awkward sex stories.

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:09:00 No.7662090 View View Reply Original Report

Quoted By: >>7662153 >>7662567 >>7663093

ITT: Weird , awkward, or unusual sex stories.
>Go over GF's house for blowjowski
>Do the whole foreplay bullshit...
>She unzips my pants
>FUCKING PUMPED
>She grabs my dick, but her grip tightens to the point where it slightly hurts
>Her head slowly rises, her wide and buggy eyes meeting mine
>Kind of scared
>She speaks in a dead serious tone I've never heard come out of her mouth before
>"MY DESTINY AWAITS."
>Sucking commenses, as normal, but during and after the oral session I can't help but wonder why the FUCK she did that.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:12:00 No.7662150 Report

Quoted By:

>came on a girls tits
>open field in darkness
>realize she had to put on her bra with burning cum still on her boobs and walk all the way home (no where to wipe it
>not suprised when afterwards she is completely repulsed by me

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:12:00 No.7662153 Report

Quoted By: >>7664121

>>7662090
I lol'd.

>be 16
>go over school sluts house to lose virginity
>she's a fucking morons
>make out for like 2 fucking hours (FUCK BITCH I JUST WANT YOUR CUNT)
>pull out dick, she refuses to suck it
>can't get hard because she's saying all this stupid shit
>punch her in the tits
>cut her fucking face
>snap her neck
>rape corpse

true story

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:13:00 No.7662160 Report

Quoted By: >>7662297

>>7662127
I laughed pretty hard. Hahaha, oh man. Any more?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:16:00 No.7662203 Report

Quoted By:

Not sure if this counts but here goes.
When I was younger I got roped into watching my 3 month old niece while my sister got her hair done. So there I am, sitting in the waiting area of a hair salon with my niece, and who walks in but Keanu Fucking Reeves.

I was nervouse as shit, and just kept looking at him as he read a magazine and waited, but was too scared to say anything to him. Pretty soon though my niece started crying, and I'm trying to quiet her down because I didn't want her to bother Keanue, but she wouldn't stop. Pretty soon he gets up and walks over. He starts running his hands through her hair and says
>"Whats wrong?"
>"She's probably just hungry or something"
He then stood up straight, picked up my niece and screamed
>"MY DESTINY AWAITS!"
and began breast feeding her in the middle of the salon. Cool guy, really nice about it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:23:00 No.7662297 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662160
Yup!
>talking about sex and shit with best preteen gal pal
>both find out we've never kissed a boy
>both laying on twin bed, in underwear
>awkward groping
>accidentally kiss her chin
>she kisses me proper, feels weird, man
>pull away after a few minutes
>she starts laughing, punches me on the arm
>"That was awkward as FUCK!"
>both cracking up
>still hang out with her, never mention it

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:23:00 No.7662306 Report

Quoted By: >>7662357

>in bed with gf
>be dark
>she goes down on me
> when done she asks me to return the favor
> dont want to but do it anyways
> later get bored and finish off by fingering her
> turn lights on and look at hand
>blood
> was that always there?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:25:00 No.7662328 Report

Quoted By: >>7662376

>meet guy on hookup site
>he's plowing me, great fuck, hot dirty talk
>door creeks open
>little kid walks into room, barely above toddler
>"Daddy?"
>OH FUCK OH FUCK
>"SWEETIE GO BACK TO BED! I'M SO SORRY ANON I THOUGHT THAT SHE WAS ASLEEP!"

I ran out so fast I think I left one of my socks.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:28:00 No.7662357 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662306
her face when

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:28:00 No.7662361 Report

Quoted By: >>7662436 >>7662448

>have girlfriend on her hands and feet propped up to take her from behind
>really erotic
>start building a rhythm
>getting really into
>get more and more extravagant
>closing my eyes whispering all kinds of deeply sexual things

Reality of the situation was , I had stop thrusting and was just spinning my hips around wildly, doing some crazy hip dance while grunting "me and you are the universe, we are whole, like a fruit bowl oh yeah", while my girlfriend stayed still poised in that awkward position for quite a number of minutes , unsure as how to break me out of my sexy trance

Still laugh about that

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:29:00 No.7662376 Report

Quoted By: >>7662416

>>7662328
And here's the kicker, this one's a guy.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:32:00 No.7662416 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662376
ya I should have mentioned that, definitely one of my more awkward experiences.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:33:00 No.7662436 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662361
I can't stop laughing. That sounds like something that would be in an awkward movie like American Pie.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:34:00 No.7662448 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662361

Thank you for this! lol

Ryan, The Sun God

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Ryan, The Sun God Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:34:00 No.7662453 Report

Quoted By: >>7662471

Joining this thread rather late but I would like rates anyway.

Fluorescent Adolescent

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Fluorescent Adolescent Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:35:00 No.7662468 Report

Quoted By:

>Get first girlfriend in high school.
>We hang out for a bit, barely hold hands, not really into physical contact that much and she's supposedly fine with it
>Talking to mutual friend
>Me:
It's nice that she doesn't require much from me physically.
>Her:
What do you mean?
>Me:
I mean, she doesn't seem to care or want sex
>Her:
[LAUGHING MANIACALLY] Oh, Fluorescent, if you only knew.
>Walk outside
>Meet girlfriend
>We walk to her car to go to the theatre for a production we're both in
>Get in car
>Girlfriend not starting car
>Me:
Is something wrong?
>She pulls off her clothes
>Tears mine off
>Throws them on the floor
>Everyone walk the dinosaur
>Have sex
>Mind blown
>was_i_just_raped.jpg
>Was probably asking for it.
>Tell no one.

Ryan, The Sun God

Ryan, The Sun God Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:35:00 No.7662471 Report

Quoted By: >>7662489

>>7662453
WRONG FUCKING THREAD

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:36:00 No.7662476 Report

Quoted By:

We're in the living room of a second floor condo, facing the full-length mirror to watch ourselves fuck. After a few minutes there's a laser-sight squiggling around our bodies, which we see in the mirror. Stop fucking, look out the window and see several kids with a laser-pointer in the parking area across the way.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:36:00 No.7662488 Report

Quoted By:

>making out with girlfriend
>turns to foreplay
>I'm fingering and shit
>She's going down on me
>Suddenly I decide
>"Hey, let's try to 69."
>Get into position
>It's going pretty good
>She can take me into her mouth
>suddenly, hear this, strange queef/burp sound
>start laughing my ass off
>She gets up and is holding her mouth
>I stop laughing as I feel stuff dripping on my chest and pelvis
>"wtf did she just do"
>turn on light and look at cock
>White, chunky puke on my stomach and chest

She puked on me, bro. She puked on my dick.
Pic related, however it wasn't chowder I was covered in.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:36:00 No.7662489 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662471
what's your tattoo of, mister? :O

Anonymous

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Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:37:00 No.7662502 Report

Quoted By: >>7692493

>live in an apartment with really thin walls
>dude next door is a total dick, but a funny one
>fucking a girl
>heard thud against the wall
>continue fucking
>suddenly a fart erupts and reverberates across the entire wall
>two small farts follow
>silence
>I look down at the girl
>tell her to suck my dick because I was getting soft
>she begins sucking my dick
>feels great
> suddenly the godzilla of farts almost brings the fuck wall down
>I grab the girls head down in shock
>she gags and does a little bit of sick on my dick

I wasn't even mad, that neighbor was funny as fuck

Aces

Aces Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:38:00 No.7662523 Report

Quoted By:

>having sexwith gf not first time as like 4th
>As im thrusting and i lean in for kiss
>we headbtt each other and it hurt like a mother fucker.
>we finished fucking later she had a bruise on her head.
>Shit was so cash

The_last_unicorn

The_last_unicorn Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:41:00 No.7662567 Report

Quoted By: >>7662584 >>7662688

>>7662090
>going down on a girl
>she says shes going to orgasm
soon
> use my perfect MK voice and say "finish her"
>she orgasms
>fatality
>she gets up and smacks me telling me that MK sucks
...
whut

Fluorescent Adolescent

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Fluorescent Adolescent Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:42:00 No.7662584 Report

Quoted By: >>7662762

>>7662567
I hope you broke up with her for that shit.

Or at least killed her entire family.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:43:00 No.7662608 Report

Quoted By: >>7662690

>a few friends and my girlfriend are over
>friends are on the other side of the room
>girlfriend and I are on my bed
>we're all hanging out having a good time
>she starts tugging at my dick through my pants
>she winks at me and tells me she has an idea
>runs to her purse and squirts some lotion on
>think "Ok, this could be good"
>she starts going faster
>"oh shit this ni-OH WHAT HTE FUCKK HOLY SHIT SGOFDSM"
>dick feels like it has been sprayed with napalm
>I leap out of my bed, my dick as red as the devil's asshole
>run into the bathroom screaming
Turns out it was icey hot that she brought with her for after yoga earlier in the day, and she mixed them up. Or so she says. My dick was raw for days.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:47:00 No.7662659 Report

Quoted By: >>7662717

the first time my penis met the insides of a vagina was with my 15 year old girlfriend, like 7 seven years ago, and it was everything but normal. we had tried to have sex on 2 different ocassions prior to that day but she was to tight so we ended up just fooling around. we were at her house playing vidya when her mum announced she was going out for to buy some groceries. the second the door closed with her mom on the other side, this chick got up, pulled down her pants and underwear and just yelled STICK IT BEFORE SHE COMES BACK and bended over. i was like lolwtf but kept my cool and got my dick wet for the first time standing up, in the middle of a room with top gear tunes in the background.

Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:49:00 No.7662688 Report

Quoted By: >>7662703

>>7662567
>>7662567
but MK does suck, you should play the superior limb based combat Tekken

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:49:00 No.7662690 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662608
Any permanent damage?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:50:00 No.7662703 Report

Quoted By: >>7662750

>>7662688
Tekken is the shit that shit would shit if shit could shit

Aces

Aces Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:51:00 No.7662717 Report

Quoted By: >>7662744 >>7662760

>>7662659
>she was too tight

Come on man.....there is no such thing.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:51:00 No.7662722 Report

Quoted By:

>friends try to hook me up with a fat girl
>i take her home after movies
>she invites me in
>we talk, but shes boring and she eventually starts feeling me up
>i say "oh what the hell" in my head
>we're naked, shes trying to give me oral but I can't get hard
>10 minutes of blowing and jerking me and I'm still flaccid
>she heads to the bathroom and cries on the toilet
>i go in there to get my pants
>see tears rolling down her face - suddenly get a huge boner
>walk up to her with my boner in her face
"finish the job"
>she jerks me off while crying
>bust my load in her face
>leave

She still texts me from time to time wanting to go on another date.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:52:00 No.7662744 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662717
Go on.

Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:53:00 No.7662750 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662703
i don't think you appreciate superior limb based combat.

i dont think you appreciate it at all.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:53:00 No.7662760 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662717
Not true.... I had a girl where it was hard to get in sometimes because she was too tight. I had to pull her open a bit with my fingers.

The_last_unicorn

The_last_unicorn Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:54:00 No.7662762 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662584
no... i figured she wasn't worth my time...

Anonymous

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Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:56:00 No.7662788 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662767

Anonymous

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Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:57:00 No.7662799 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662767

>Starts sucking my honey nut cock
I fucking died
Good show good show.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:57:00 No.7662803 Report

Quoted By: >>7662885

>first time, 14 years old, horny as fuck all the time, struck a lucky break with a popular girl
>wait for girl to get undressed and under covers in case I came seeing a girl naked
>walk into shaking with a sock covering my dick
>she starts laughing
>my dick started waving from side to side too
>sock falls off
>my dick is trembling , drenched in pre cum
>get into bed, and on top of her
>dont want to look her in the eyes , fearing I'll cum
>she laughs again, with one hand grabs my head, and the other grabs my dick
>instant ejaculation , floods of cum everywhere
>I make the weirdest orgasm sound ever, somewhere between a cat purring and a dog barking
>she looks disgusted pulls sheets off, and gets out of bed
>a chunk of a candle stick I had shoved up my urethra in some experimental fapping lies on the bed in the pool of cum
>I look up at her and cum again at her naked body, little bit of piss too
>start yelling sorry at her while in floods of tears

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:58:00 No.7662825 Report

Quoted By: >>7662852 >>7662859

>horny as fuck
>girlfriends on period
>tell her I don't believe her - show me
>she pulls her pants down, show me pad
>tell her I don't care and jokingly pushed her on to the bed face down
>she doesn't get back up... well... ok then.
>start doing her doggystyle
>she keeps saying how disgusting it is but is still moaning.
>seeing blood on my manmeat is making me rage fuck her for some reason
>start pulling her hair and slapping her ass while stabbing her with my meat.

BEST SEX WE EVER HAD.
I think she actually has a rape fetish and she doesn't question why her period turned me on so much.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 02:59:00 No.7662830 Report

Quoted By: >>7664248

>met this Girl on the internet
>chat a bit, take a look at each other, dirty talk a bit
>lots of fun, but she's quite far away, really don't care.
>She asks for my address to send me a postcard
>postcard never arrives
>doorbell wakes me up, she's at the door.
>fuck for a weekend long, never met again, still chatting with ease.

>feelsgoodman

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:00:00 No.7662839 Report

Quoted By: >>7662889

>>7662767

Anon. You won my heart.

The_last_unicorn

The_last_unicorn Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:00:00 No.7662841 Report

Quoted By: >>7662889

>>7662766
fuck that Baraka all the way
>>7662767
i loved this

Anonymous

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Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:00:00 No.7662844 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662767

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:01:00 No.7662852 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662825
You realize that girls are much hornier on their periods because their hormones are going nuts.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:01:00 No.7662859 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662825
>Pad
She was disgusting

anways, this reminds me of the time me and my ex were fucking it's not that funny but anyways.
>Are you sure your off your period?
>Yes
>start fucking
>finish
>she goes home
>WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BLOOD ON MY FUCKIGN SHEETS

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:04:00 No.7662885 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662803

>a chunk of a candle stick I had shoved up my urethra in some experimental fapping lies on the bed in the pool of cum
>I look up at her and cum again at her naked body, little bit of piss too

I really dont know whether this is funny or fucking disgusting.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:04:00 No.7662888 Report

Quoted By: >>7662920

>At a friend's party
>Go to the front porch to have a smoke
>3 girls there talking about their past sexual experiences and fetishes
>I smile and listen
>One girl ask me if I've ever fisted a girl and she tells me it hurts
>Trying to hide my excitement in hearing this
>They ask me what my fetish is, it's really catgirls but I just said some generic, "Oh really rough type shit, you know biting choking."
>Few more drinks about an hour later
>I'm about to pass out on an air pump bed and this girl lays next to me and begins to suck my dick under the covers
>Some dude jumps on us and start talking to me. Tell him I'm just getting my dick sucked no biggie.
>That's now the weird part
>Move to friend bedroom, friend makes us seeing how we were in the upstairs entertainment room
>Start fucking the SHIT outta her while some girl is trying to sleep on a chair. Eventually she leaves
>Girl I'm plowing ends up telling me her real fetish is wanting to fuck her dad. She goes to a private Christian college and her dad is a pastor.
>My speed slows down, my drunken mind has to take this in
>Continue to fuck her til the sunrises without cumming once.
>Cum on her tits
>Become known as the nerdslayer by friend from that night on.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:04:00 No.7662889 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662841
>>7662839
It's September right? Does September count as a summer month now?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:07:00 No.7662920 Report

Quoted By: >>7662969

>>7662888
Same guy here, new story
>Same friend is having another party
>Outside in backyard patio having a smoke
>Girl to my left starts rubbing my dick while a friend is taking a piss in the bushes.
>Brush her off and tell her to wait 5 minutes.
>Friend pissing on the bushes goes inside, we run off to my car and I throat fuck her
>In the mean while she keeps on asking why she lets herself do this and ask me if she is just a piece of meat to me
>She is.
>Tell her she isn't and is a fun person to be around
>Keep fucking her, move from my backseat to some small hill
>Fucking her raw, she ends up saying her ex's name.
>I really start to fuck her rough now not giving a shit. I think I end up shooting a load once inside her pussy and the rest on her pussy.
>Steal her panties and leave the party
>End up finding out months later she had her second abortion and she forgot her bra at my friends place.
>Happy as FUCK if that was my seed in her

Anonymous

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Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:09:00 No.7662935 Report

Quoted By: >>7663023

>about to have sexy time with boyfriend
>in prone position, waving my ass to turn him on
>says my ass is so amazing, he wants to try anal
>oh what the hell, it can't be that bad
>grabs lotion, spreads it on my butthole and his dick
>slowly works it in
>eventually feeling the wonders of buttsex
>he cums inside, pulls out
>hear him gagging and running to the bathroom
>wat
>turn around, pool of diarrhea and cum on the bed
>vomit
>never do anal sex again
true story...

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:12:00 No.7662969 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662920
>Happy as FUCK if that was my seed in her

why? because she called out her ex's name while you were doing her?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:13:00 No.7662984 Report

Quoted By: >>7663003 >>7663024 >>7663049 >>7663127

Solo, but still a sexual experience of a sort. Happened this week.

>Often when I finish masturbating, a song that's been in my head recently will suddenly and vividly burst into my head.
>Sometimes it's there in the background while I'm fapping, then becomes much more prominent after I orgasm.
>Watched Les Miserables several days ago.
>As I start nearing the finish, the song "Who am I?" starts creeping into my head.
>The nearer I get to coming, the more intense it gets.
>I start climaxing and the final, powerful line is sung.
>I orgasm while "I'M JEAN VALJEEEAAAANN" blares though my mind.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:14:00 No.7663003 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662984
Omg! I am still laughing.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:16:00 No.7663023 Report

Quoted By: >>7663165

>>7662935
You have a bit of prep to do before anal, you know? Or else that's bout to happen.

You look like you enjoyed the experience (aside from the bad side effects), so I'd suggest doing an enema beforehand if you want to try it again. An empty bottle of mustard can do the trick if you don't know how to proceed.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:16:00 No.7663024 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662984

Anonymous

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Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:18:00 No.7663049 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662984
VALJEAN AT LAST WE SEE EACH OTHER PLAIN! MOSSIURE LE MAYER YOU WEAR A DIFFERENT NAAAAEEEEM !

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:20:00 No.7663074 Report

Quoted By: >>7663127 >>7663171

>beating off
>at the moment of orgasm, my chair collapses

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:21:00 No.7663082 Report

Quoted By:

>Home for winter break, freshman in college now, met hot high school teacher in a bar on New Year's Eve, exchanged numbers, go over to his house on Wednesday
>We get drunk and talk about It's Always Sunny
>Suddenly I am aware that my hand has been on his inner thigh for a while, rubbing
>He has a boner
>TIME TO FUCK
>Clothes immediately off
>He's thrusting
>Moan OHHHH MR. ___________
>Realize that was probably weird
>He stops
>He says: call me Teacher
>Lolollolll k teacher
>He starts thrusting again
>He says: Fuck you're so fucking sexy you haven't aged since 9th grade
>............

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:21:00 No.7663093 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662090
>Having sex with girlfriend
>Going for ages, she's loving it but I'm not all that into it so im starting to daydream while she rides dick
>Think about life, for some reasons all these deep questions come to mind about everything
>Why am I here
>Why am I having sex with her
>Why am I who I am
>She sharply looks down at me and says "MY DESTINY AWAITS"
>"So that's why I'm here"
>imokaywiththis.jpg
>We have sex

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:23:00 No.7663107 Report

Quoted By:

Oh god I'm loving this thread.
Bumping for those who are reading all the stories.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:23:00 No.7663112 Report

Quoted By:

virginfag here so enjoy my fap story

> fapping furiously
> focused on porn
> stand up
> small office chair i was sitting on falls over
> don't realize it
> sit down again
> tailbone crashes agains metal wheel things from chair which are now facing upwards
> insta-flaccid

Anonymous

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Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:24:00 No.7663127 Report

Quoted By:

>>7663074
>>7662984

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:26:00 No.7663143 Report

Quoted By: >>7663154 >>7663166 >>7663176 >>7663186 >>7687044

Mine isn't very exciting.

>sexin' up this girl for the first time
>go in to kiss her neck
>blood on her neck
>wtf I got a nosebleed.

Who the FUCK gets a nosebleed during sex?

Anonymous

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Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:26:00 No.7663149 Report

Quoted By:

Two different stories I have, same guy though..

1st.
>in class
>start running hands on each other
>i give hand job under computer table
>this be the 2nd time we've done this
>MY best (male) friend is watching from across another table, knows what's going on
>feels awkward, but guy doesn't seem to mind
>busts big ass nut in his hands
>friend watches in amazement
>feels hella awkward forever about that

2nd
>same guy
>the second part to the 1st time we've done anything
>school bathroom
>makes out in stall
>pulls out his cock
>blows him
>my 1st kiss and blowjob, but he doesn't know
>gag on his cock and throw up a little in the toilet which is conveniently right beside me (fucking duh)
>he doesn't seem to mind and continues to let me blow him then makes out more and fingers me.
>still feels bad about gagging on his cock til this day

>embarrassed

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:27:00 No.7663154 Report

Quoted By: >>7663321

>>7663143
anime people?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:28:00 No.7663165 Report

Quoted By:

>>7663023
No neither of us had ever tried it. He later told me he had seen it in porn. Lol. Stupid fucker.
I don't know if it's worth all that. But yes it was a different sensation. I don't know if it was better, but good for a change.

Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:28:00 No.7663166 Report

Quoted By: >>7663321

>>7663143
ha ha you live in an anime

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:28:00 No.7663171 Report

Quoted By: >>7663231

>>7663074
does your name start with B?

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO nosebleed.jpg, 46KiB, 470x353

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:29:00 No.7663176 Report

Quoted By: >>7663321

>>7663143
You must be from an anime.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:29:00 No.7663179 Report

Quoted By:

>meet some indian girl at a bar, friend of a friend
>flirt for a while everyone getting drunk
>she asks if i want to go back to her place...not that attractive, 5/10, but i'm wasted so whatever
>making out at her place
>unbuckles my pants, starts jerking me off then blowing me
>terrible blowjob
>15 minutes in and still nothing
>she says she's tired, asks if she can stop
>yeah whatever
>she passes out
>i stand up, jerk off on her face
>pull pants up and leave

saw her at a party about 6 months later. all my friends die laughing. much win.

Fluorescent Adolescent

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO flcl23_starsurfer.png, 18KiB, 100x100

Fluorescent Adolescent Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:29:00 No.7663186 Report

Quoted By: >>7663321

>>7663143
Have you ever considered that you may be an anime character?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:30:00 No.7663191 Report

Quoted By: >>7663260

>fapping hard, high and drunk
>kick the desk
>accidently turn the printer on
>in my horny/wasted confusion I mistake the sound of my printer turning on for a robot
>convinced there's a robot in the room
>still jacking off as I pace around the room yelling where are you robot
>look up
>mum's standing in my doorway

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:32:00 No.7663231 Report

Quoted By: >>7663769

>>7663171
Nope.

Also,
>beating off
>getting close
>suddenly have to sneeze
>cum all over face while spewing snot all over dick

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:34:00 No.7663260 Report

Quoted By:

>>7663191

That is the best reason to not do drugs I have ever heard

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:35:00 No.7663279 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662552
lolol nice

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:36:00 No.7663281 Report

Quoted By:

>Going with girl for 2 years
>We're having pretty rough sex, she's on top
>She's making a lot of noise, louder than usual, moaning like crazy
>Puts her face right up against mine and starts telling me to cum in her, not unusual
>Cum inside her
>she archers her back, puts her hands in the air and says "I FEEL THE FUCKING LAVA"

We're now happily married for 4 years.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:36:00 No.7663295 Report

Quoted By: >>7663769

>Been playing tons of League of Legends
>Always play as Cho'gath
>Receiving first blowjob ever
>Can't stop getting a mental image of Cho'gath
>cum while thinking of a giant orange alien killing shit.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:38:00 No.7663309 Report

Quoted By:

Oh god I'm laughing and fapping at the same time hahahaha

I love threads like these. You have to sift through a lot of misogyny, but eventually you come across nuggets like these.

Anonivixen

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1255077413291.jpg, 30KiB, 450x316

Anonivixen Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:38:00 No.7663317 Report

Quoted By:

>Go out with Anon
>Looking cute in my dad's old black button down navy uniform shirt, tight jeans, heels
>Hit up a park and smoke some weed
>Go down into the trees by this small lake, where no one is around
>Start kissing on anon
>Go down on him a little bit just to tease him
>Come up for air
>MOTHERFUCKER JIZZES ALL OVER MY SHIRT AND HAS THE NERVE TO START CRYING
>confesses that he has a girlfriend
>has hit me up on occasion over AIM and I have ignored him since.

I guess it serves me right for picking that shirt.

Man, what a little bitch.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:38:00 No.7663321 Report

Quoted By:

>>7663154
>>7663166
>>7663176
>>7663186
You know, I'm thinking I might be in an anime.

Lastman

Lastman Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:41:00 No.7663365 Report

Quoted By: >>7663769

>>having sex with fuck buddy in a hotel room
>>she wants to try dominating me
>>Im loving it
>>Ties me to a chair and blindfolds me
>>Im a very ticklish
>>Doesnt warn me she's about to touch my hips
>>Shes down in front of me about to suck me off and touches my hips with no warning
>>Kick out out of instint
>>kick her square in the stomach and she pushes back the chair
>>chair tips over and I smash my head off the gorund as she cries ont he floor in pain

To this day we both somehow still find it funny

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:46:00 No.7663428 Report

Quoted By: >>7663431

>>7663369
cockteasing bitch. as soon as you graduate you'd better give that bastard the fucking of his life. anal, facial, threesome, whatever the fuck wants.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:47:00 No.7663431 Report

Quoted By:

>>7663428
agreed

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:51:00 No.7663476 Report

Quoted By:

>>7663450
Post pics.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:52:00 No.7663488 Report

Quoted By:

>>7663450
how old is he? how does he look?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:52:00 No.7663493 Report

Quoted By:

>>7663450
>loosing

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1312809621894.gif, 1MiB, 200x185

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 03:57:00 No.7663549 Report

Quoted By:

>>7663528
awwwwww i understand.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 04:03:00 No.7663643 Report

Quoted By:

>>7663577
post face or body
your choice

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 04:04:00 No.7663668 Report

Quoted By:

>at a concert
>standing in the crowd
>drunk teens errywhere
>girl keeps 'accidentally' falling over on me
>punch the bitch in the mouth

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 04:06:00 No.7663690 Report

Quoted By:

I was getting it on with my then-gf in a parking lot on uni campus ~1am. Cop pulls in with lights on, I quickly hop to the driver's seat, she can't dress quickly enough and covers herself with a towel I keep handy.

Officer approaches my side, turns on flashlight, looks at her, then me, and takes a couple steps back quickly, then awkwardly talks to us from a few feet away, shouldn't do that here etc. all the while I'm wondering what his deal is.

As he gets in his car and my girlfriend starts dressing, I glance down to see if my wallet is where I left it.

My dick was hanging out the whole time.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 04:09:00 No.7663738 Report

Quoted By: >>7664795

>boyfriend tells me he hasn't had sex in at least 6 months to a year
>everything leading up to that has been great, from him fingering me in the car to me blowing him
>finally first time for us to have vaginal intercourse
>tell him to get on top
>takes off pants, I take off my clothes
>tells me "Honey, I'm going to cum"
>cums a shit ton all over my belly before putting it in
>I laugh and rub it over my stomach and breasts

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 04:10:00 No.7663751 Report

Quoted By:

>>7663722
hahah why would you post this pic of yourself....
it screams "im irritating"

at least you complied...

Anonymous

>>lol

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 04:11:00 No.7663768 Report

Quoted By:

>>lol

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 04:11:00 No.7663769 Report

Quoted By:

>>7663365
>>7663295
>>7663231
I love you guys. :|

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 04:16:00 No.7663848 Report

Quoted By:

>>7663808
possible nice tits

the face is... I don't know i cant really say its hot... but im on the fence

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 04:16:00 No.7663854 Report

Quoted By:

>>7663808
unicorn?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 04:17:00 No.7663872 Report

Quoted By:

>>7663808
Oh you are so cute. How old are you? And you really should message your professor back. He's probably really hurt by you ignoring him.

Anonymous

anon

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 04:18:00 No.7663889 Report

Quoted By:

>be with best fem friend and a few bros
>all shitfaced
>end up in bed with fem and 1 bro
>start feeling her up, fingering her wet as fuck
>starts stroking my dick, rock hard
>feels weird
>look down
>bros hand
>WHADDAFUCK

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1315953729.gif, 56KiB, 351x336

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 04:21:00 No.7663935 Report

Quoted By:

Spoiler: It's gay.

>Going out with some guy for a month or so
>Only had oral so far
>Eventually get to fucking
>In his apartment
>He's nervous as fuck
>Says he's only had sex a few times
>Puts on condom and lubes me up
>Starts off slowly
>Decide to take over
>Ride him
>Doorbell rings
>Panic
>Clench my butt
>Hear loud as fuck moan underneath
>my face when realization

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 04:21:00 No.7663937 Report

Quoted By:

>transfer to new college
>dorms and all that
>room-mate is pretty cool, I guess
>chilling in the rec room, getting to know people
>decide to call it a night and head back to my room
>open the door and hear this coming from room-mate's room:

"fuckfuckfuck you're tearing me up it's so fucking big FUCK"

>welp.jpg

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 04:22:00 No.7663942 Report

Quoted By:

>On vacation with friend's family
>Just me and his sister in hot tub
>Finger her/ Getting handjob
>Her little brother arrives and gets in the hot tub
>awkward

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 04:26:00 No.7664005 Report

Quoted By:

>At girls house, playing Lord of The Rings: Return of the King for PS2
>She is laying on me and I decide to play with her tits instead of the game
>I tell her that I don't want to go home and have to jack it
>She sucks my dick
>All of a sudden I realize that the game is still on, and I am hearing epic Lord of the Rings music
>Cum on her tits like a boss

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 04:27:00 No.7664013 Report

Quoted By:

>>7663960
If you live in America check the laws of your state when it comes to sex. I know in Texas legal age of consent is 14 but they have to be within two years of age range. Might be different in your state. If you are too young for sexual relationships, you might still be able to have a relationship with him. It really depends on your parents. If they're okay with it then as long as it's not openly discussed in public a private non-sexual relationship is fine.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 04:27:00 No.7664031 Report

Quoted By:

>>7663960
And? Why are you ignoring talking to him? There's nothing wrong with simply talking with him. You can still be a friend/friendly--especially if you want to get with him in the future. Maybe you should sit down and have a talk and say something like: "look, I really like you but I don't want to jeopardize myself as a student or your job. So until we can be together let's remain friends and then see what happens when I'm out of your class/graduated/whatever".

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 04:30:00 No.7664063 Report

Quoted By:

>meet some girl at a party
>end up taking her to a room
>girl sucking my cock
>i pull out, shoot my load on her face/cheek
>rub finger in come, wipe it across her forehead
>"SIMBA"
>go back downstairs to party

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 04:31:00 No.7664081 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662127
yes you did, and it sucked

muhuahauhahhah

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 04:33:00 No.7664121 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662153
If only...

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 04:36:00 No.7664161 Report

Quoted By: >>7664187

>>Fucking this indie girl
>>Rides on top of me like a porn star
>>Talks like a porn star
>>Porn star with a slight lisp and the voice of a three year old
>>"Fuck my pussy, fuck my pussy, fuck my pussy, Oh yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"
>>She's riding me
>>I stop moving, start laughing
>>Tell her how she sounds
>>She starts laughing and falls to the side of me
>>By the side of me I mean the side of my bed as well
>>Three foot fall to floor
>>Uncontrollable laughter abound

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 04:38:00 No.7664187 Report

Quoted By:

>>7664161
poetry

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 04:39:00 No.7664195 Report

Quoted By:

>Losing virginity
>FUCK YES, the moment I dreamed
>GF is tight, can only go in 3/4 inches
>Kinda Zone out, can't feel due to condom
>what's that sound...?
>"NARWHALS, NARWHALS, SWIMMIN' IN THE OCEAN!"
>No...
>"CAUSIN' A COMMOTION!"
>NO
>"'CAUSE THEY ARE SO AWESOME!!!"
>FUCKING WHY NOW!?

I had the song stuck in my head a week before, then it came back.
I didn't cum, but she did, twice. I hurt like hell for her though.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 04:42:00 No.7664248 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662830

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 04:51:00 No.7664373 Report

Quoted By:

>dude i know has a gf for a couple of years
>party outdoors in a public park with a lota people
i was a virgin at that time. 19 years old or somesuch. i needed it bad
>were both drunk, we talk, shes like a mixture of insecurity and bitchiness
>talks how she feels bad in the relationship and somesuch
>me, being the emotional guy, comfort her, make clear i understand etc, all the while cant deny my boner im having from beeing so close to a girl for that long
>start kissing at some trees, she with her back to the bark of one, party loud in the background, were in the dark secure
>take her home, both absolutely drunk, no idea what i did to this idea up until dicking her
>stick it in, fuck a bit, never asked if she was on birth control, didnt cum, stop after a bit, too drunk to fuck, too nervous to fuck, no idea what to do, no experience
>afterwards, 30 calls on her cellphone from her boyfriend.
i shit you not, i saw the display
>next morning, awkward as fuck, she tries to have conversation with me but i have no clue how to handle my emotions, roomate being a dick around us
>she leaves, im glad, couldnt handle her
>her boyfriend hates me for about a year or two
yup. thats how i lost my virginity. we all start small, eh

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 05:06:00 No.7664605 Report

Quoted By: >>7664845

>be 13
>hanging out in friend's bedroom
>we compare dicks
>find out that I hit puberty before him
>he's fascinated with my dick
>he wants to suck it
>tell him no
>he offers me $5
>I cover my face with a pillow and let him
>came all over my stomach and he giggled

it's "weird and unusual" because we're both straight and he wanted to do it so badly that he paid me

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 05:17:00 No.7664795 Report

Quoted By: >>7664832 >>7665898

>>7663738
I love you.
<3

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 05:19:00 No.7664832 Report

Quoted By: >>7664889 >>7664957

>>7664795
Haha why do you love me?

EnduringFutility

EnduringFutility Tue 27 Sep 2011 05:20:00 No.7664845 Report

Quoted By:

>>7664605
at least one of you there was not straight

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 05:22:00 No.7664889 Report

Quoted By: >>7664996

>>7664832
Cause that was just awesome<3xD

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 05:27:00 No.7664957 Report

Quoted By: >>7665067

>>7664832
because you weren't a complete bitch about... instead you turn into something sexy as fuck

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 05:29:00 No.7664996 Report

Quoted By: >>7665100

>>7664889
Awww. We've had great sex since then. I thought it was cute that he was so excited/attracted to me

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 05:33:00 No.7665057 Report

Quoted By:

>Internet friends meet for a hotel party (2 couples and me and this other guy)
>We all get drunk, guy and I in one bed
>Ended up taking his virginity (ie: letting him go at it while I :|)
>Best friend's boyfriend was still awake
>We had an extensive conversation
>Ended up holding hands and flirting while boy was fucking me

We ended up fucking a year later. Awkward is hot 8)

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 05:34:00 No.7665067 Report

Quoted By: >>7665110

>>7664957
Well thanks. I completely understood because he hadn't been sexually active in a while. Also the amount of cum was astonishing.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO icame.jpg, 11KiB, 317x238

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 05:35:00 No.7665100 Report

Quoted By: >>7665173 >>7665347

>>7664996
Awwwh, fuck. I wish all girls thought like this...

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 05:36:00 No.7665110 Report

Quoted By: >>7665347 >>7667302

>>7665067
Thats why I love you, because you're understanding instead of selfish... also, I hope you kept him hard and fucked the shit out of him?

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO elvisdidntdonodrugs.png, 1MiB, 1189x900

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 05:39:00 No.7665173 Report

Quoted By:

>>7665100
amen /b/rother, AAAMEN!

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 05:48:00 No.7665347 Report

Quoted By: >>7665399 >>7665441

>>7665100
He also came early the next time we had actual intercourse. I thought that was adorable too.

>>7665110
We had sex three times that day. The first time I blew him, then he came on my stomach, and then we had vaginal sex but he came early that time. He's just so amazing at foreplay that it made it a good experience regardless--although I wouldn't have judged him otherwise.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 05:51:00 No.7665399 Report

Quoted By: >>7665450

>>7665347
STOP BEING SO PERFECT AND ADORABLE <333

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1317007110783.jpg, 43KiB, 311x334

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 05:53:00 No.7665441 Report

Quoted By: >>7665477 >>7665507 >>7665539

>>7665347
this girl is awesome. not sure if troll.. xD but if not, dibs if single!!

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 05:53:00 No.7665450 Report

Quoted By: >>7665507

>>7665399
B-but I adore my boyfriend and how attracted he is to me. He always has me get on top when we have sex. I've been thinking of trying to dominate him the next time we have sex.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 05:55:00 No.7665477 Report

Quoted By: >>7665539 >>7665816

>>7665441
nope.jpg
I proclaimed my love for her first... I get to be rejected before anyone else.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 05:57:00 No.7665507 Report

Quoted By:

>>7665441
>>7665450
aparantly not..! xD

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 05:58:00 No.7665539 Report

Quoted By: >>7665570

>>7665441
>>7665477
Well thanks, but I'm completely taken by my boyfriend--the one in the stories. Our sex life has been great since the first date.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 06:00:00 No.7665570 Report

Quoted By: >>7665603

>>7665539
just be sure to keep Anon in mind if things start heading south <3

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 06:02:00 No.7665603 Report

Quoted By:

>>7665570
Haha. If things go south all of the anons and I will have a party

Trichophilia is Cool

Trichophilia is Cool Tue 27 Sep 2011 06:06:00 No.7665690 Report

Quoted By: >>7665863

>fucking in the living room with my fuck buddy/friend
>I'm leaning over the couch and he's taking me from behind
>having music on shuffle
>Savatage - Hall of The Mountain King comes on
>instantly we stop
>I turn around and we both stare at each other
>both start singing along/headbangs
>start doing "metal-poses" on the couch
>song ends
>we both stand there naked and sweaty looking at each other like fuck yeah/wat did we just do

For those of you who don't know the song Hall of The Mountain King, it's a fucking epic heavy metal song.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 06:09:00 No.7665731 Report

Quoted By:

bump for more stories

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO lazercat.jpg, 29KiB, 500x375

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 06:13:00 No.7665816 Report

Quoted By: >>7665898

>>7665477
calling someone purfect and adorable is not proclaiming ones love, and is easy overruled by dibs

EnduringFutility

EnduringFutility Tue 27 Sep 2011 06:17:00 No.7665863 Report

Quoted By: >>7665901

>>7665690
MADNESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS REIGNSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 06:19:00 No.7665898 Report

Quoted By:

>>7665816
oh, I'm sorry... I was this guy - >>7664795

Trichophilia is Cool

Trichophilia is Cool Tue 27 Sep 2011 06:19:00 No.7665901 Report

Quoted By: >>7665939

>>7665863
IN THE HALL
OF THE MOUNTAIN KIIIIING

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1290063830284.jpg, 40KiB, 449x319

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 06:22:00 No.7665939 Report

Quoted By:

>>7665901

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 06:27:00 No.7666009 Report

Quoted By:

>making out in my bed
>the mood is right
>i pop open a condom
>literally half a second passes
>my son knocks on the door
>"DAD I THREW UP IN THE BED"

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 06:33:00 No.7666124 Report

Quoted By:

>MY DESTINY AWAITS

Oh god I miss /r9k/.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 06:42:00 No.7666286 Report

Quoted By: >>7666592

>Meet two girls on holiday, best friends, staying in the same apartment.
>Both have a crush on me
>One night, after heavy drinking, both stay in my apartment, fuck the hotter one and not her fat friend.
>Good sex
>couple of nights later.
>Its 30th of October night.
>Get drunk and fuck the fat one..
>Half way through, sober up, and suddenly wonder what the fuck I'm doing
>Pull out and say I need to piss
>Piss, take off condom.
>Go back into room
>Say I'm tired and go to go to sleep
>Fat girl gets into single bed with me and says she wants to cuddle
>Got up, got dressed. Sat on the balcony for the rest of the night
>Fat girl spends the next week shes there being off with me whilst I flirt and continue to fuck her hot friend.
>She whines to her parents
>Shit goes down
>Her parents are fucking off with me
>never speak to her again when I get back from holiday
>See her hot friend a few weeks ago
>Fucked her, and on the way back to hers after fucking in my car
>She tells me her fat friend was supposed to be staying over
>No fucks were given.

Behemoth

Behemoth Tue 27 Sep 2011 06:59:00 No.7666586 Report

Quoted By:

>getting a blowjob from girl.
>things are going good. obviously.
>she pulls up and she starts to smile up at me
>she sneezes right on my cock.
>whatthefuckwhathaveieverdonetodeservethis

>be 19
>really want to throatfuck a girl
>in the living room, start getting rough with her
>sitting down, she's on her knees with her head poised over the tip
>fucking her mouth
>feels great
>start getting rougher, stand up to really go at it
>starting to cum
>she vomits violently onto my cock
>she runs to bathroom
>I try to apologize through the locked door while trying to wipe off my dick
Don't know if it was something she ate or the bile, stomach acid, or what but the puke kinda burned/stung a little.
>no longer that interested in throatfucking

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 06:59:00 No.7666592 Report

Quoted By:

>>7666286
Like a Boss

Behemoth

Behemoth Tue 27 Sep 2011 07:04:00 No.7666672 Report

Quoted By: >>7666866 >>7667458

>anal sex
>ram my dick in a couple times as I cum
>she lets out an enormous fart as I pull out.
>we both freeze, dead silence in the room
>go into the other room to laugh like a motherfucker
>come back out as she's getting ready to go

It doesn't get much more awkward than that.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 07:10:00 No.7666790 Report

Quoted By:

>Have sex with girl
>Get her pregnant
>Ignore her completely
>Avoid all responsibility
>Still see her on occasion.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 07:11:00 No.7666819 Report

Quoted By: >>7666870 >>7666892 >>7666943

>be 29
>never had sex or girlfriend
>see people my age holding hands in public and >start feel depressed
>it's getting worse and worse
>thread makes me sad because people 15 years >younger than me have had more action
>considering suicide because life isn't worth it.

Varens

Varens Tue 27 Sep 2011 07:14:00 No.7666866 Report

Quoted By: >>7666929

>>7666672
That's what you get for putting your dick where God didn't intend for you to put it. :3c

>lose my virginity to a guy many, many moons ago
>condom wrappers in the trash
>mother rummages through my trash for no reason that day
>both walk over to his place
>she makes him apologize for having sex with me

That dude was almost, like, 20 though, so I'm pretty sure he should've.

Behemoth

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO seppuku.jpg, 8KiB, 241x209

Behemoth Tue 27 Sep 2011 07:14:00 No.7666870 Report

Quoted By: >>7666921

>>7666819
>can't greentext
An hero. It is the only way to preserve your honor.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 07:15:00 No.7666892 Report

Quoted By: >>7666965

>>7666819
life, you are doing it wrong!

EnduringFutility

EnduringFutility Tue 27 Sep 2011 07:17:00 No.7666921 Report

Quoted By:

>>7666870
he could also continue out his days as a monk?

Behemoth

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1298453726736.jpg, 13KiB, 300x256

Behemoth Tue 27 Sep 2011 07:17:00 No.7666929 Report

Quoted By: >>7667022

>>7666866
>where God didn't intend

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 07:18:00 No.7666943 Report

Quoted By: >>7667022 >>7667031 >>7668168

>>7666819
>29
>hasnt figured out life isn't about sex
>doesnt realize sex isn't amazing or important

okay kill yourself.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 07:19:00 No.7666965 Report

Quoted By:

>>7666892

No shit

Varens

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO Picture-124.jpg, 20KiB, 332x432

Varens Tue 27 Sep 2011 07:22:00 No.7667022 Report

Quoted By: >>7667165

>>7666943
Someone give this anon a medal and sticky his post on every board.

>>7666929
>he doesn't believe in God

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 07:22:00 No.7667031 Report

Quoted By: >>7667109 >>7667145 >>7667696

>>7666943
Easy to say when you're not a 29 y/o virign,
I know life isn't about sex but I've missed out on so much that I can't catch up.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 07:27:00 No.7667109 Report

Quoted By: >>7667162

>>7667031
Go the fuck outside and start catching up you candy ass. What the fuck do you have to lose.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 07:29:00 No.7667145 Report

Quoted By:

>>7667031
it is about sex moron... xD the only functions we really got are:
>Fucking
>Eating
>Shitting

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 07:30:00 No.7667162 Report

Quoted By: >>7667334

>>7667109
I don't know how.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 07:30:00 No.7667165 Report

Quoted By:

>>7667022
damn i want some salad

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 07:39:00 No.7667302 Report

Quoted By:

>>7665110

you have never had any, have you little friend?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 07:40:00 No.7667334 Report

Quoted By:

>>7667162
If you are fat as fatass, start by going to the gym. Go to social events that women attend and talk to them. If you have trouble talking to women go to bars and dance clubs get drunk and start talking to them about an hour before closing time. There's a start now use your goddamn imagination.

Beppo

Beppo Tue 27 Sep 2011 07:47:00 No.7667458 Report

Quoted By:

>>7666672
I have a similar story!

>have anal sex with bf
>afterwards, sitting on his lap watching TV
>he says something funny
>start to laugh
>accidently let out huge fart
>start laughing more
>farting and laughing at the same time
>he throws me off him and runs across the room in disgust

It was pretty funny

Tue 27 Sep 2011 07:51:00 No.7667538 Report

Quoted By:

>friday night, college freshman
>pussy patrol to the max
>also, ripping shots to the max
>be hammered, really hammered
>find equally hammered girl
>spit game
>end up back at her place
>be gentleman, give her dat oral
>hmm, this tastes like pennies
>stop, look in mirror
>war paint

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 07:59:00 No.7667696 Report

Quoted By: >>7667723 >>7667725

>>7667031
>missed so much

It's a penis in a vagina.

Behemoth

Behemoth Tue 27 Sep 2011 08:02:00 No.7667723 Report

Quoted By: >>7667803

>>7667696
It's a pretty important rite of passage though.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 08:02:00 No.7667725 Report

Quoted By: >>7667806

>>7667696
When you're 29 and don't know how and you're with another 29 y/o what is she gonna think? She'll knoew you've never done it before. Women know this shit.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 08:06:00 No.7667803 Report

Quoted By:

>>7667723
>passage

*snicker*

Behemoth

Behemoth Tue 27 Sep 2011 08:06:00 No.7667806 Report

Quoted By: >>7667840 >>7668989 >>7669992

>>7667725
Not really. If you know the basic mechanics of it, it's just as likely she'll simply think you're a bad and/or inexperienced lay, not necessarily a virgin.
It's not that difficult. Stick it in, move hips back and forth, continue until you cum. If it seems like it's taking awhile, move hips back and forth faster.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 08:09:00 No.7667840 Report

Quoted By: >>7667969

>>7667806
You sound very exciting. Do you count off strokes, too?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 08:10:00 No.7667869 Report

Quoted By: >>7667929

>Girl texts me after not talking for the better part of a year.
>She used to be obsessed with me when she was 14.
>Now 18.
>Call her when I get out of class.
>She's complaining that she can't find enough change for cigarettes.
>I mock her for a good 20 minutes.
>Finally offer to buy them.
>She says she can't hang out.
>Jokingly tell her I think she's trying to avoid me.
>Says we can hang out Friday.
>Pick her up.
>Get cigarettes.
>Extremely awkward almost kiss/hug thing when I drop her off.
>Her best friend texts me and says she wants to hook up.
>wtf /soc/

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 08:14:00 No.7667929 Report

Quoted By:

>>7667869
also since this was just awkward not really sex, samefagging

>Hooking up with a girl for the first time
>15
>Start getting into it after making out for a while
>Her door is not completely shut
>After some oral I finally put it in
>Everything is going better than expected
>She says that whatever I'm doing with my foot is amazing
>No clue what she is talking about
>couple seconds later her dog barks
>omgwtfbbq
>she screams
>her mom hears from outside and runs in to see if she's ok
>we're still naked in bed
>condom wrapper in plain site

Behemoth

Behemoth Tue 27 Sep 2011 08:16:00 No.7667969 Report

Quoted By:

>>7667840
I said basic mechanics. I'm not offering up a how-to guide for intermediate-to-advanced fucking, I'm making the point that a virgin isn't going to be REVEALED FOR THE SHAM HE IS like he's the damn Wizard of Oz just because he doesn't have some tricks up his sleeves.
Nice try at being clever, next time make sure you've comprehended something you've read.
Protip: Just moving your eyes across it doesn't mean you understood.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 08:18:00 No.7667999 Report

Quoted By: >>7668039 >>7668045 >>7668119

>21 year old virgin
>start making out with chick I hadn't talked to in years
>SexualTentionOutTheAss.jpg
>start getting naked and she wants the kak
>don't want the embarrassment of her knowing im still a virgin
>get on top of her and finger her while sucking hard her clit
>she has a retarded Trex orgasm
>cuddle on couch naked while she recovers
>she starts playing with my dick again
>I need a shower bye
>leave her on couch run to shower
>start jerking it think about her cumming
>bathroom door opens and she walks in
>"You Can't Run Forever Bitch"
>end up fucking her unwrapped in my friends shower
>she's pounding on the walls
>bathroom door opens again and friend walks
>"The Fucks Going On In Here!!!"
>I don't even stop just look over at him
>*Poker Face*

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 08:21:00 No.7668039 Report

Quoted By: >>7668119

>>7667999
>she wants the kak
>kak

Jesus fucking christ, no wonder it took you 21 years to get laid.

Varens

Varens Tue 27 Sep 2011 08:21:00 No.7668045 Report

Quoted By:

>>7667999
>"You Can't Run Forever Bitch"
I know what I'm going to say to the next person I have sex with.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 08:25:00 No.7668119 Report

Quoted By:

>>7667999
>>7668039

You just mad cause of the trips

Behemoth

Behemoth Tue 27 Sep 2011 08:25:00 No.7668125 Report

Quoted By: >>7668989

Also if you're 29 and this is getting you down that bad just buy a hooker jesus.
>hurr that's not real though durr that's cheating
Well you ain't passed the test yet, scooter, have ya, so might as well ace that fuckin exam any which way you can.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 08:28:00 No.7668168 Report

Quoted By:

>>7666943
>sex isn't amazing

Maybe, just maybe, you're doing it wrong.

Because sex is fucking amazing, when you do it right.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 08:40:00 No.7668402 Report

Quoted By:

My ex was 17 I was 18... we were fooling around and his mom walked in to say something,shocked speechless and walked out...awkward.. next day even more awkward as she lectures us on not wanting to see her lil boy become a man lol..opps

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 08:42:00 No.7668434 Report

Quoted By: >>7668457

>meet cute girl in GE classes
>she has a boyfriend, I have a girlfriend
>a year later and neither of us attached we hang out more
>go on a couple "dates", have awesome time
>drive over to her house at 1am because she said friends bailed on her and she wanted to watch a movie
>bring laptop so we can watch something
>she's on her bed the entire time, I'm playing tetris waiting to start the movie
>she tells me to get the fuck off the laptop and onto the bed
>startled, get on bed
>she starts stripping me, gives me crazy vacuum head
>she wants it so bad she flips me so I'm on top
>I can't bring myself to do it
>ask her to just suck on my nipples while I jerk off
>she does, I finish
>go to the bathroom to clean myself
>go back into bed with her and awkwardly cuddle (read: lay there)
>her dad knocks on the door to ask her something
>I hide underneath the covers facing the wall, away from the door so he can't tell who I am
>stops whatever he's saying when he turns on the light
>she tries to say I'm one of her girl friends
>"he better the fuck out in five minutes or I'm killing you both."
>put pants on, throw everything else in bag and drive home
>never talk to her again

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 08:43:00 No.7668457 Report

Quoted By:

>>7668434

Awesome. Fucking. Dad.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 08:46:00 No.7668514 Report

Quoted By:

>wild fuck session with ex gf
>drilling her with her hips straight up in the air and her legs pushed back, all her weight on her shoulders
>she cums, hard
>I hit point of no return, where you aren't quite squirting yet but you know you can't possibly stop it
>immediately gf yells "cum on my chest anon"
>caught off guard, not something she ever asks for, it's too late, shake my my head
>"DO IT NOOWWWWW!!!!!" snarl
>wtf fine
>cum just as I pull out, don't have time to adjust aim
>fire all my hot semen directly into her eyes and up her nose
>gets trapped in her contact lenses
>she runs into the bathroom crying and clawing at her eyes
>I go help her after I'm sure I can keep my laughter under control

When say it's too late, it's too goddamn late.

chíngate

chíngate Tue 27 Sep 2011 08:53:00 No.7668644 Report

Quoted By: >>7668779 >>7668798

we were fucking, we switched to doggy and while i was moving into position i queefed for like a solid 3 seconds... at least we both just laughed... but i've just barely started fucking this guy for the first time

oh and all those countless times while fucking my exgf and our tits suctioned together and made a farting noise

i love laughing when i'm having sex though

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 08:58:00 No.7668756 Report

Quoted By:

not a whole story, but the only part you need to know

>"Take your socks off or I'll snap your dick"

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 08:59:00 No.7668779 Report

Quoted By: >>7668795 >>7668937

>>7668644
having a laugh during sex can break the tension/help you relax if its kinda awkwaes. whenever ive been having sex and someone farts or lets out a loud burp or something, we lol and once were done go back to fucking

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 09:00:00 No.7668795 Report

Quoted By:

>>7668779
*awkard....not akwaes.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 09:00:00 No.7668798 Report

Quoted By: >>7668937 >>7669036

>>7668644
After fucking my ex with a condom because she really wanted it while on her period I pulled out with blood on it and wrote on her inner thigh. Condom was red too. "Nice crayon." Laughed for five minutes.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 09:05:00 No.7668877 Report

Quoted By: >>7668907

This was actually earlier today. My girl and I were making out on my bed. She tells me I can do whatever I want so I start kissing down her body and start fingering her. She tells me to fuck her.
>be virgin
>grab condom
>fail at putting it on
>say I'm not hard enough
>she laughs and blows me
>figure out how to put condom on
>fuck her til we both cum

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 09:07:00 No.7668907 Report

Quoted By: >>7668976

>>7668877
>she laughs and blows me
Keep her. Laughter is almost as good as orgasms

chíngate

chíngate Tue 27 Sep 2011 09:09:00 No.7668937 Report

Quoted By:

>>7668779
haha well i've only had like 1 awkward bad sexual encounter, the rest is just good and whenever me and whoever i'm having sex with laughs cause of something funny, it just makes it better. it does make it a little more relaxed i guess, but i just look at it as making a great time even better. i don't think sex should be entirely serious but maybe i'm just internally 12 years old
>>7668798
hilariously disgusting, i remember being with my ex and she started after we'd been at it for like hours, she was just so embarrassed and apologetic though, i was like fuck! i don't give a shit... it's just a little blood on my hands... i thought it was kinda amusing, really

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 09:12:00 No.7668976 Report

Quoted By:

>>7668907
It felt great too. Almost indescribable. And we'll see what happens with her.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 09:13:00 No.7668989 Report

Quoted By:

>>7667806
>>7668125

Naa, i'm too ashamed to live. I think I'm gonna end it. Life has basically turned into a waste of time for me while I wait for death. Maybe it's time took matters into my own hands.

It's much more complicated than "just get out and fuck" with me. If you knew me you'd understand why. Wish I could get a do-over on life. But I can't so I might as well just call it off.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 09:16:00 No.7669036 Report

Quoted By: >>7669154

>>7668798

...what's your name?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 09:16:00 No.7669038 Report

Quoted By:

>Making out with male fwb in his bed
>Hear weird noise
>Don't give a fuck, take pants off
>Eats me out, far from quiet
>Hear strange noise again
>Still don't give a fuck, I go down on him
>He's close, and moans sort of
>Strange noise source moans back
>His roommate is in his bed across the room fapping, just finished
>Roommate gets out of bed, asks us if we have tissues
>I nope the fuck under the blankets
>Fwb throws tissue box at him, roommate leaves for the bathroom (other side of apartment)
>Fwb still wants to go, I don't give a fuck because I'm a hornball
>Fuck for 3 hours
>Another hour later we leave the bedroom to get food
>Roommate has been stuck locked in the bathroom since he left 4 hours earlier.
>Feelsgoodman

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 09:18:00 No.7669080 Report

Quoted By: >>7669123 >>7669145

>Go to a party with friends
>See a fat land whale I knew through a friend
>Chat about random shit, play beer pong together
>Kept feeding me shots, didn't realize her motives
>Three hours later find myself alone with her after the party
>She starts making out and grabbing my dick
>Super drunk and wasn't thinking straight
>Decided to go for it since it'd been a dry spell for me
>Take her clothes off and see her disgusting body
>Talk myself through it, there's no escaping now
>Boner decided to be a bro and not get hard
>Girl tries desperately to get it hard but to no avail
>End up not having sex with girl, thankfully
>Friends find me in bed with her in the morning
>Never live it down

Thank you penis, you know a lot more than brain ever could.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 09:20:00 No.7669123 Report

Quoted By: >>7669145

>>7669080

If you've ever watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall, you'll know that this is a fucking universal fact.

Most of the time, your dickbrain will get you into shit you don't need to get into. But occasionally, it'll have your back in the most important circumstances. I've brofisted (no pun or double-entendre intended) my dick on more than one occasion.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 09:22:00 No.7669145 Report

Quoted By:

>>7669080
>>7669123
Or he had beerdick.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 09:22:00 No.7669154 Report

Quoted By: >>7669223

>>7669036
Why, what's yours?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 09:25:00 No.7669223 Report

Quoted By: >>7669241

>>7669154

Because I think yours starts with an R, am I right? I heard this story.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 09:26:00 No.7669241 Report

Quoted By: >>7669298

>>7669223
Nope. Not even any aliases start with an R.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 09:29:00 No.7669298 Report

Quoted By: >>7669343

>>7669241

Haha, nevermind, my bad :)

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 09:32:00 No.7669343 Report

Quoted By:

>>7669298
Apparently it's quite a common practise

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 09:32:00 No.7669360 Report

Quoted By: >>7669386

>>7669277

I've said before, that as a virgin, I want to be able to sleep with someone who I can laugh with/crack jokes with during sex. I got people jumping down my throat (this was on 4ch of course), saying that humor would kill the mood and shit, especially for her. But dammit, I want to be able to enjoy it, and connect on a different level besides just the physical. And me cracking my humor and having her laugh at it would go a fucking long way towards bringing me closer to her.

chíngate

chíngate Tue 27 Sep 2011 09:34:00 No.7669386 Report

Quoted By:

>>7669360
hope you find the right girl then, i've had luck with most of the people i've had sex with in this regard

if someone were to try and make it too serious i'd be turned off or just laugh really hard at them

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 09:47:00 No.7669631 Report

Quoted By: >>7669706

Today I made a random socialization attempt.
I don't think it went very well and I don't have much friends in real life, they're quite distant too. Well as I sit now and smoke, I feel maybe I have a social disorder that I'm not aware of.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 09:51:00 No.7669706 Report

Quoted By:

>>7669631

For some of us, socializing is fucking work, and it takes practice to be able to pull off with anything close to competence, let alone smoothness.

Don't let your failed attempts bring you down. Just take it as a lesson learned, go back over what you said and where you feel you screwed up. Then go out again and give it another go, with your past mistakes in mind and the resolution to avoid them.

I approach many of these things like experiments, and while I'm conversing with people, there's a part of my mind just cataloging their reactions, body language, etc.

Don't give up, man (or woman person). Just keep at it if you truly want to get better.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 09:55:00 No.7669785 Report

Quoted By:

>start giving bf bj
>switch over to handjob once in a while, making twisty motions i saw in porn
>decide, oh what the hell, and starts giving boob job
>bf is all nono put it back in your mouth
>while i'm asking why he says he's gonna blow and that i should squeeze my boobs tighter to hold the cum in
>start laughing while he's cumming
>still have boobs squeezed together, with cum in between
>both try to figure out how to walk to roll of paper towels on desk across the room while laughing
>aw fuck it, lift boobs from penis and walk over to desk
>laugh about it for a while

not really awkward, but funny while it was happening

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 10:06:00 No.7669992 Report

Quoted By:

>>7667806
ugh this is the worst advice. if you want to APPEAR like you know wtf2do when you really dont, dont do this shit. dont get it up, stick it in, pump, and then be done. fucking ugh..... rage. foreplay asshole. lrnthatshit. sexinfo101.com has some forums with good info-- read there first then start planning what you will do and how. knowing how anatomy works and how to not rush in like a damnfool is how you will appear "not a virgin"

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 10:12:00 No.7670135 Report

Quoted By:

>getting frisky on a saturday morning in the middle of summer
>get her on her knees and start taking her from behind, slipping my thumb in her ass.
>She's getting off on it, starts moaning really loud and screaming multiple orgasms.
>"Shut the fucking window!" we laugh, yell sorry and try to finish up while laughing our asses off.
>Shut the window after we were done.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 10:16:00 No.7670219 Report

Quoted By: >>7670278 >>7670467

>>7670038
another story with her

>been fucking for about ten minutes
>she's cum a few times
>gets a crazy look in her eyes
>says she wants to get on top
>starts fucking me harder then she ever has
>starts kissing me really rough
>after a few minutes i taste sometime salty
>stop kissing
>she looks at me, laughs, and touches her nose
>she has a nosebleed
>tells me to look in mirror
>my nose, cheeks, lips, and chin are covered in her blood
>i starts cleaning up
>she gets under the sink and blows me
>i cum in her mouth
>look down
>blood on the base of my cock and pubes

nerd8999

nerd8999 Tue 27 Sep 2011 10:19:00 No.7670278 Report

Quoted By: >>7670331

>>7670219
>>7670038

idk this girl sounds like a keeper, just crazy enough to keep things interesting

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 10:21:00 No.7670331 Report

Quoted By:

>>7670278
she was crazy, but awesome in bed. unfortunately, she cheated on me with a nasty crust punk for free weed and got crabs from him.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 10:26:00 No.7670414 Report

Quoted By: >>7670560

This is the only one I can think of.
>middle of the day
>boyfriend (at the time) and I are laying in bed, kissing
>things get pretty heated
>I get on top of him
>Going at it hard for a while
>SUDDENLY, a knock on the window
>turn around, its our friend at the window
>Boyfriend and I start laughing
>friend has no idea what the fuck is going on, starts having a conversation with us
>laughing so hard, boyfriend still inside me
>friend suddenly understands whats going on
>"OH MY GOD, IS HE INSIDE YOU?"
>friend runs away
>boyfriend and I go back to fucking
>finish at the same time, cuddle for a few minutes then go outside to find friend chain smoking with a disturbed expression on his face
>friend is little chubby gay asian boy who just witnessed straight sex for the first time

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 10:29:00 No.7670467 Report

Quoted By:

>>7670219
last one i feel like writing. if this thread is still around tomorrow, i'll post more.

>we decide to 69
>she's on top
>says it's really easy to deepthroat like this
>she's taking me really deep
>i'm lapping away at her pussy, made her cum a few times
>she keeps impaling her throat with my cock
>about to cum
>just as i'm cumming she jumps up and runs to the bathroom
>i'm squirting cum everywhere while laughing and listening to her puke

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 10:35:00 No.7670560 Report

Quoted By:

>>7670414
haha, i've had this happen before.

>fucking an ex of mine on the couch
>friend knocks on window
>has no idea what's going on
>talk for ten minutes
>cock still inside her
>tell him to go around to the front and we'll be up to unlock the door in a minute
>finish up and unlock door
>we go back to my room to play video games
>friend smells sex in the air
>his jaw drops, facepalms, says "i talked to you for ten minutes while you were fucking"
>many lulz ensued

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 10:42:00 No.7670700 Report

Quoted By:

>>7670685
Much lulz did ensue.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 10:45:00 No.7670743 Report

Quoted By: >>7670764 >>7670946

>Smoke oil with friend for the first time
>Home alone. Go to his room, start messing around
>Notsureifwanttofuck.jpg
>He decides for me
>Start fucking
>All is going well
>look up
>See poster of The Hangover hanging above his bed
>Stare into Zach Galifinackas eyes
>Start laughing my ass off
>"Whats so funny?"
>Rails me so hard my head hits the wall
>Giant dent in wall
>Bruise/lump on my head for a week.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 10:46:00 No.7670764 Report

Quoted By: >>7670904

>>7670743

There's so much rightness in this post I can't even begin describing.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 10:54:00 No.7670904 Report

Quoted By: >>7670919

>>7670764
He's a good kid. Hence why we're still fuck buddies. I have to go on top or take it from behind when we're at his place though. I can never NOT laugh when looking at that poster now.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 10:55:00 No.7670919 Report

Quoted By:

>>7670904

Zack Galifiankis would be proud.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 10:57:00 No.7670946 Report

Quoted By:

>>7670743
hahahaha

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 18:07:00 No.7675071 Report

Quoted By:

Bump for moar stories

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 18:22:00 No.7675164 Report

Quoted By:

>>7666208
why would you do that? idiot.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 23:11:00 No.7677336 Report

Quoted By:

>gf came up to visit me at college this past weekend
>sunday morning, she's about to leave
>pounding her, but people come into room to play fifa
>oddly they don't leave when they hear us, but we keep going.
>both of us are getting close, girlfriend making a lot of noise
>after I finish I say "yeah I got my nut"
>roommate hands us a napkin

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2011 23:51:00 No.7677720 Report

Quoted By: >>7677862

>gf comes over
>sits on sofa
>unzips my pants
>pulls out my cock
>takes her shoes off
>gives me footjob
>I cum on her socks
>complains about her ruined socks

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 00:03:00 No.7677862 Report

Quoted By: >>7677897

>>7677720
not awkward but kind of like wtf did you expect?

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 00:06:00 No.7677897 Report

Quoted By: >>7677913

>>7677862
i wasn't expecting a footjob.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 00:07:00 No.7677913 Report

Quoted By:

>>7677897
true

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 03:36:00 No.7680205 Report

Quoted By:

>having sex with gf
>start railing her from behind
>bout to cum inside her as she cums
>she falls down flat, fall with her
>OMGWTF CRAMP IN MY CALF
>can't move an inch, still inside he plugging up my jizz
>both laugh our ass off till cramp subsides

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 03:51:00 No.7680433 Report

Quoted By:

bump so others may enjoy this thread as much as I have

BeautifulMind

BeautifulMind Wed 28 Sep 2011 04:01:00 No.7680573 Report

Quoted By:

bump :D

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 04:16:00 No.7680798 Report

Quoted By:

>sucking boyfriends dick
>"i-is your nose bleeding?"
>touch nose, is bleeding

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO Summer Time.jpg, 28KiB, 320x240

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 08:08:00 No.7685002 Report

Quoted By:

>(3yrs ago) me11 sister15 older-brother13
>Uncle Chester gives bilble-sermons to our childrens' group
>all summer sis & i sit in 2nd row & feel each other up, infront of Chester
>Sis enjoys making Chester hard, never wears panties, flashes open view
>Chester follows HER in bathroom unzippes, gets head, fingers ass in church
>She asks for 100bucks to fuck next week, chester brings 20, fucks anyway
>Chester asks me for 3some, me in her ass him in her mouth, i say 100bucks
>next week chester brings 10, we 3some anyway, brother walks in bathroom
>brother tells our mom, no-one gets on trouble
>brother sent to miltary school, mom&Chester fuck in holy garden next to sis&me

-- -- -- W--I--N--N--I--N--G -- -- --

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 09:01:00 No.7686016 Report

Quoted By:

>at a party
>making moves on a girl
>she seems a little off, but she's probably just drunk
>smooth as all fuck for the first time ever
>sucess.jpg
>taking her to place to fuck
>bro comes up, takes me aside
>"dude, she's fucking crazy. (other bro) went out with her and she told everyone he raped her, after she fucked (another bro) and got pregnant"
>ohshit
>go back to girl, make an excuse, leave
>still a virgin
>fuck you, drunk teenage me, you should've just taken the sex

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 10:04:00 No.7687044 Report

Quoted By: >>7688470

>>7663143

that is FUCKING HOT.
dowant

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 10:21:00 No.7687338 Report

Quoted By:

>have bf who wants at least two bj's a day
>oblige
>eventually ask him to go down
>he bitches, eventually obliges
>he's awful on purpose
>blows air into my vagina
>air comes out in queefy manner
>WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING
>never ask him to go down again.

I guess his plan worked.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 11:29:00 No.7688390 Report

Quoted By: >>7688425 >>7688456

>having sex with girl friend for the first time
>stick it in
>cum inside her because she wants it
>realize there's blood on my dick
>ask if she's on her period
>says no not due for another week or so
>both realize i ripped her hymen
>she's had sex with her ex's
>her previous boyfriends had matchstick dicks
>feelsgood.jpg

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 11:31:00 No.7688425 Report

Quoted By:

>>7688390
posting again
>at her house in her bed
>start fucking
>gets really intense
>while fucking she props up a mirror and tells me to watch while we do it
>tells me to do her anal
>she's too tight, can't get it in
>lay her on her back
>she farts and laughs while trying to be sexy
>took it all i had not to laugh

ragsmagee

ragsmagee Wed 28 Sep 2011 11:33:00 No.7688456 Report

Quoted By: >>7688526

>>7688390
that doesn't mean you ripped her hymen

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 11:34:00 No.7688470 Report

Quoted By:

>>7687044
u trollin'.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 11:37:00 No.7688526 Report

Quoted By: >>7688569

>>7688456
she told me she never bled her first time nor any time. and her ex boyfriends were chinese. so...asian dicks.

ragsmagee

ragsmagee Wed 28 Sep 2011 11:40:00 No.7688569 Report

Quoted By: >>7688588

>>7688526
so? I didn't bleed my first time either. I've been with guys that've made me bleed though.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 11:41:00 No.7688588 Report

Quoted By: >>7688678

>>7688569
lol what evz i still feel good about it.

99942_Apophis

99942_Apophis Wed 28 Sep 2011 11:51:00 No.7688678 Report

Quoted By:

>>7688588
>Be finishing day's work
>It's hot out
>Colleague comes in, all sweaty from talking outside
>Says he's sweating like an African fucking a white woman
>laugh my ass off
>Meet gf that weekend
>Sexy time
>Start sweating
>Think back to what the guy at work said
>Start laughing hysterically in the middle of sex
>Go soft, can't get hard, still laughing
>Sexy tiem is over

When I told her, she thought it was funny too.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 17:33:00 No.7691167 Report

Quoted By:

>fucking ex girlfriend condomless
>pull out at the end
>basically all i had to do is touch my cock to cum everywhere
>semen shoots across the room
>across the bed
>lands right in her eye, about 2 metres away
>lose my shit with laughter
>she mad

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 18:43:00 No.7691583 Report

Quoted By:

>hangin in uni tv room with then gf
>lock doors, start bangin her doggy on the couch
>the force of the thrusts pushes her head down between then cushions
>start hearing thuds, realize i'm pounding her head into the frame
>tells me to keep going, moaning loudly
>fuck her even harder, finally finish
>later find out i gave her a concussion

not really awkward, the event didn't even affect our relationship at all. come to find out also that the room wasn't soundproof, floor-ceiling windows with space between levels

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 19:02:00 No.7691696 Report

Quoted By: >>7691815

>at a party with a bunch of people, it's about 11 AM, nobody has slept yet because cocaine
>a new group walks in
>girl I don't know sits down on couch beside me
>girl asks for a blanket or something because she's cold
>her guy friend throws her a blanket and makes a comment about no handjobs under there
>girl laughs, I do too
>she asks if I want under as well, I say sure
>girl starts rubbing my cock through my jeans a few minutes later
>I am like "wtf" and also have a girlfriend
>I unzip, she starts slowly jacking me off
>people are literally everywhere and we are both having different conversations
>about 10 minutes later I cum in her hand, trying not to look weird but the drugs are making me really paranoid
>she wipes her hand on the underside of the blanket
>we continue sitting there for a while
>she gets up and leaves with her group of friends eventually
>we never said a word to each other the entire time
>I never see her again

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 19:22:00 No.7691815 Report

Quoted By:

>>7691696
that is more awesome than awkward

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 19:37:00 No.7691902 Report

Quoted By: >>7691933 >>7692750

>>having goodbye sex with bf because he is leaving on vacation for 3 months
>>riding him hard on the couch
>>we both look down
>>blood everywhere on couch, his cock, my legs, vagina
>>get embarrassed and run to bathroom
>>come out crying a few minutes later and say that something is seriously wrong
>>pretend I have a cyst in vagina and he burst it
>>really just started my period early
>>he feels bad, I feel relieved

We're still together after dating for 5 years and he still doesn't know the truth. I snicker still when I think of it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 19:41:00 No.7691933 Report

Quoted By: >>7691950 >>7692750

>>7691902
>embarrassed by being on period
>covers for it with "cyst in vagina" story

you have problems

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 19:43:00 No.7691950 Report

Quoted By: >>7692311 >>7692750

>>7691933
lol I know right. I have no idea why I thought of saying that to him. I guess I wanted him to know that it wasn't my fault or something.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 20:31:00 No.7692311 Report

Quoted By: >>7692750

>>7691950

> fuck up
> blame partner
> continue blaming him, never clear it up, let him feel bad
Women at their best.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1296242526794.jpg, 48KiB, 160x175

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 20:53:00 No.7692493 Report

Quoted By:

>>7662502
I approve of his actions.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 21:05:00 No.7692596 Report

Quoted By: >>7693685

>>Go over to boyfriends house
>>I'm insanely horny like always
>>Go up to his room
>>Have some amazing sex
>>He's got my legs on his shoulders and hes pumping into me
>>Pulls out and cums on my chest
>>Wipes the cum off my chest
>>Lays on top of me and we snuggle
>>Start talking about some misc. things
>>HAVE LOUDEST QUEEF OF MY LIFE
>>My boyfriend laughs for a good 5 mins
>> We shrug it off and go for round 2 :]

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 21:19:00 No.7692699 Report

Quoted By:

>Be 19
>get boner first time with ex, laying on the floor
>she doesn't know what to do, later said she panicked
>hits boner with shoe
>Hurt.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 21:24:00 No.7692750 Report

Quoted By:

>>7692311
>>7691950
>>7691933
>>7691902
This is why I never feel bad when something goes wrong with a girl. Far too often they're just lying so that it doesn't seem like their fault. As long as I don't give them shit for it when they're lying, they can't fuck with me when they're telling the truth.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 22:27:00 No.7693465 Report

Quoted By:

>meet guy on soc
>mom's off with her bf for the weekend, invite him over
>he arrives
>we stand around and talk, he's super awkward, learns my name from a poster on the wall
>sit on the couch and make out
>i had told him i've never done anything sexual
>he "teaches" me how to give a blowjob by doing nothing
>choke and gag and marvel at how awesome it is
>doggy style on the floor
>"hey you need to be higher up do you have a bed or something"
>mine isn't on a frame, too low for comfort
>go to mom's room
>giggling the whole way
>leave the door open, the cats come in and start biting his feet
>cannot stop laughing
>"oh uhhhhh you're bleeding"
>make him go get paper towels, clean it myself, hand it to him just to see him squirm
>throw it on the floor, continue fucking
>i FINISH HIM, there's shitloads, like he hasn't jizzed in weeks
>some spills onto the floor
>my mother's floor
>my mother's nice clean floor
>some spills on my mother's nice clean floor
that was really long-winded and probably doesn't seem as awkward as he was in person but oh my god it was glorious

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 28 Sep 2011 22:46:00 No.7693685 Report

Quoted By:

>>7692596
That happens to me ALL THE FUCKING TIME. It's awkward as fuck and embarrassing.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 29 Sep 2011 03:13:00 No.7696728 Report

Quoted By:

bump

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