Update 2024-03-27: Greatly expanded the "Samples" page and renamed it to "Glossary".
Update 2024-04-04: Added 5 million mid-2011 posts from the k47 post dump. Browse (mostly) them here.
Update 2024-04-07: Added ~400 October 2003 posts from 4chan.net. Browse them here.
>Jerry Sandusky sat in anguish in his cleared out office. It was over. He was done. He buried his face in his hands and let out a small cry. Suddenly, he heard a knock at his door. Wiping his tears on his shirt, he opened the door to see a small boy standing there.
>"Hi, is this Hershey's?" he asked excitedly. "My mom dropped me off just now saying this is a chocolate factory!"
>Jerry smiled to himself. Perhaps he could cheer himself up after all. "No, but I certainly have some chocolate for you to sample. Have you ever played defensive end?" he asked.
>"No, but I'm willing to try anything, gramps!" said the small boy."
>Sandusky ushered the boy inside his office and placed a "GAY RAPE" sign on his door, then closed it. It was ok - Joe Paterno's eyesight was so bad at his age, he probably thought the sign said "Game tape".
>"Alright, boy, give me a 3-point stance," he said. The boy did as instructed.
>"Pretty good," said Sandusky, "but it could be better. You'll have to get completely naked if you want to be the simply best."
>"Of course I do!" said the unidentified boy. He clambered out of his tighty whities.
>"You must now refer to me simply as "Lion King"", said Sandusky. "Because we're the Penn State Lions."
>"Can I be Timon? I love Timon and Pumba," the boy said innocently."
>"Oh don't worry, I'll get you to moan," whispered Sandusky the Lion King. "Now bend over, Simba, I'm going to rip you apart like Uncle Scar."
>The boy did as instructed.
>"Wow!," said Sandusky after he had shoved himself in. "It's a small world after all!"
>"Hakuna matata!" the boy shouted. "Am I a true Penn State starter yet?"
>"Not quite," said Sandusky. "But I have a spot on the bench for you next to the other boys that have tried out."
>Sandusky stood up and walked to his closet, where a small humming was emanating.
>"Meet the rest of the team!" he shouted, as he opened the door. Several dozen boys came tumbling out.
