/tg/ - Traditional Games » Thread #14729076

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Humans Are Fucking Tough

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 05:34:00 No.14729076 View View Reply Original Report

Shit guys. Just, shit. You thought humans were fucking tough before? They fucking evolved on a planet with BILLIONS of these things: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySXCdcnKBgg

Also, apparently their home planet was cold enough to FREEZE WATER half the goddamn year.

And then the other half of the year THE WATER EVAPORATED.

Just, fuck, man. Fuck. No wonder nonlethal weapons don't work, you need at least a class-17 microwave emitter to make them even wince.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:06:00 No.14729201 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729145
Dude, spiders have exoskeletons, and can inject poison directly into your bloodstream. They can even pierce right through Grantii epidermis. That's why they're banned in Federation space.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:06:00 No.14729205 Report

Quoted By:

Also they imbue many types of poison. FOR FUN. And they know it's poisonous, they aren't just being stupid. Shit, I don't want to fight these guys, maybe we should hire them out to fight wars for us; we'll need to get to them before the other space-faring races and gain their loyalty by giving them lots of cool stuff fast.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:06:00 No.14729206 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729145
>Aren't those spider things only like, a few inches long?
That's the thing: humans are fucking huge. Relatively speaking, there aren't many species larger than humans.

Russ

Russ Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:06:00 No.14729207 Report

Quoted By: >>14729273 >>14729308 >>14729324 >>14729338 >>14729358 >>14735080

Why is it the majority of HFY rests on the crutch of the very limited scope of experience of differently evolved aliens that somehow also have rather advanced technology? Shouldn't scientific advancement sort of preclude such ignorance?

I mean most of this stuff reads more like "Let's make fun of the blinkered redneck aliens" rather than any reinforcement of our own evolutionary superiority.

Is it just me?

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:07:00 No.14729218 Report

Quoted By: >>14729281

>cold enough to FREEZE WATER

oh no! Those terrible earthlings and their planet of deliciously chilled drinks! The sheer horror!

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:08:00 No.14729238 Report

Quoted By: >>14732221

I just don't understand how they can stand on two feet. I can't even keep standing ten seconds on two feet, let alone *walk*. Bloody humans, how do they work?

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:09:00 No.14729241 Report

Quoted By:

some can breath fire.....well i heard this off a guy in a pub so im guessing its toatally true

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:09:00 No.14729247 Report

Quoted By:

Good point, podmate, but you forget they can also run at near their top speed for extended periods of time. Makes me glad they're all the way back in their puny little galaxy.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:09:00 No.14729255 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729190
Then what's that second lung for? Interior decoration?

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:09:00 No.14729257 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729190
Both of us got our ass handed over by turians

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:12:00 No.14729273 Report

Quoted By: >>14729338

>>14729207

No, you're simply being an intelligent and rational human being.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:12:00 No.14729281 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729218
I hear they freeze things and PUT THEM ON STICKS!

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:12:00 No.14729282 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729190
Both of us got our ass handed by the Turians.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:13:00 No.14729292 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729190
I don't know what you're talking about; they have TWO respirators in their chests.

And they breath OXYGEN. Shit, son, you know oxygen right, the gas that makes everything rust and burn?

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:14:00 No.14729293 Report

Quoted By: >>14732221

im pretty sure that humans can also breath fire. i heard it off a guy in a bar one night. im almost certain he was talking about humans.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:15:00 No.14729294 Report

Quoted By: >>14729333 >>14729336 >>14729402 >>14730668

Sure, humans have endurance, I'll give you that. But that's just something they happen to have. You wanna know what their real advantage is? As a former Njera commando, and now military instructor, listen when I tell you: Humans are fucking skilled.

And not just "Crack shot with a rifle" skilled, or "Good with machines" skilled. No, I mean real, raw, uncontrollable skill. Like I said, I was a Njera commando. We've got a reputation for being the best. But a human, with enough time and training, well, that's something on a whole other level. When the Krak invaded, my unit got sent behind enemy lines. Fucked up a lot of the Krak's shit. But the humans man, they won the whole goddamn war by themselves. You don't see it in the books, because the military kept it all under wraps. But they were there, and they had the Krak running scared.

The pilot with the most kills? Human, by a factor of ten-to-one ahead of the best non-human.

The "classified" unit that took down the Krak superweapon? All humans.

The sniper team that assassinated the Krak general? Human too.

Sure, they might have gotten any credit, but they were still mercenaries at that point. Their government hadn't even been set up yet. But I was fucking there. I know what really happened.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:15:00 No.14729295 Report

Quoted By: >>14729337 >>14729338 >>14732221

>H:FY thread

No, it's tired, never new or original, and it's full of OMG THEY MAKE ILLEGAL DRUGS IN THEIR BRAINS!

Please stop, for the good of everyone.

Sydhar

Sydhar Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:16:00 No.14729305 Report

Quoted By: >>14732221

They're made of meat.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:18:00 No.14729308 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729207
Exactly. I think any alien that's been able to GET INTO SPACE will not be amazed by steam or ice. Seeing as, you know, THEY'RE IN A FUCKING ROCKET

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:18:00 No.14729320 Report

Quoted By:

>Also, apparently their home planet was cold enough to FREEZE WATER half the goddamn year.
>And then the other half of the year THE WATER EVAPORATED.

Finland, tough people. Thats why Eve-online Caldari is similar to Finland.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:19:00 No.14729324 Report

Quoted By: >>14729372

>>14729207
This.

Its about perspective- if the crux of the story is the novelty of traits we take for granted being special to the rest of the universe, it makes humanity less interesting in light of the naivety of the observer.

Just makes the observer look ignorant.

Its similar to when we encountered the Tla'laxa back in GY 498. The agri-combine workers that encountered them were so enamored by the novelty of the species that they failed to notice that the soil alkalinity made it completely inimical to the crops they were scouting for.
In the report sent back to the administration, that fact was neglected, so the agri-ship and its workers spent 40 years in cryo-sleep only to discover that the planet could not support their product.

Humanity has many compelling traits, and everybody is quite aware of their physical prowess.
It should also be pointed out however that much of that physical prowess is due to chemical compounds in their bodies that dramatically reduce their life span and cause them to be highly emotional unstable, a problem that humanity has tried many times to circumnavigate unsuccessfully (due to the medical complications that arise with the synthetic hormone replacements that have been attempted).

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:19:00 No.14729333 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729294
I don't believe you are a Njera commando, enjoy glocking your grix.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:19:00 No.14729336 Report

Quoted By: >>14730668

>>14729294

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:19:00 No.14729337 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729295
You must realize by this point that nothing you say will stop the thread. I suggest you hide it and move on with your life, instead of helping to perpetuate it by attracting more responses.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:19:00 No.14729338 Report

Quoted By: >>14729389

>>14729295
>>14729273
>>14729207

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:19:00 No.14729340 Report

Quoted By:

Humans are utilitarian; they are nothing without tools.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:19:00 No.14729346 Report

Quoted By:

DEM 'OOMIE GITZ AIN'T TUFF AT ALL.

Dey spend more time talkin' about whoze da leada, since dey're all da same size.

But we Orkz is da biggest and da best. Y'know why? We'z follow da biggest one o' us. 's easy! An', when we Orkz got our teef in somet'in', we ain't gonna let go for noone.

'umies, da weakest gitz we've eva seen. Dey are only good fer deir 'ats.

And shinies, dey make fer some nice easy lootin'.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:20:00 No.14729351 Report

Quoted By: >>14729391

It's been said that nationalism is the refuge for those so lacking in redeeming features that they have to try and make their place of birth into one.

Replace "place of birth" with "species", and here we are.

>>14729076And then the other half of the year THE WATER EVAPORATED.

Given that water can evaporate (and/or sublimate) even when it's below 0C...

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:20:00 No.14729358 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729207
Exactly. I think any alien that's been able to GET INTO SPACE will not be amazed by steam or ice. Seeing as, you know, THEY'RE IN A FUCKING ROCKET.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:20:00 No.14729359 Report

Quoted By: >>14729372

Its about perspective- if the crux of the story is the novelty of traits we take for granted being special to the rest of the universe, it makes humanity less interesting in light of the naivety of the observer.

Just makes the observer look ignorant.

Its similar to when we encountered the Tla'laxa back in GY 498. The agri-combine workers that encountered them were so enamored by the novelty of the species that they failed to notice that the soil alkalinity made it completely inimical to the crops they were scouting for.
In the report sent back to the administration, that fact was neglected, so the agri-ship and its workers spent 40 years in cryo-sleep only to discover that the planet could not support their product.

Humanity has many compelling traits, and everybody is quite aware of their physical prowess.
It should also be pointed out however that much of that physical prowess is due to chemical compounds in their bodies that dramatically reduce their life span and cause them to be highly emotional unstable, a problem that humanity has tried many times to circumnavigate unsuccessfully (due to the medical complications that arise with the synthetic hormone replacements that have been attempted).

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:21:00 No.14729371 Report

Quoted By: >>14729790

*looks around nervously*
I heard humans are made out of Minbari souls.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:21:00 No.14729372 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729359
>>14729324

That was an interesting server hiccup.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:23:00 No.14729384 Report

Quoted By: >>14729628

>>14729182

>in ten frakking cycles human DNA won't even have the same structure at the rate they're going.

The structure of nucleic acids likely predates cellularized life itself. That's roughly 3 billion years with only very minor modifications. It's certainly not going anywhere now.

>mfw you fail at comparative biology and HFY

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:23:00 No.14729389 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729338
There are many haters of HFY. I hate it and there is at least one more hater on here. Anything I don't know.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:23:00 No.14729391 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729351
That statement is flawed. You can be a nationalist without having been born in the nation you exalt.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 06:25:00 No.14729402 Report

Quoted By: >>14729407 >>14729758 >>14730668

>>14729294
>The pilot with the most kills? Human, by a factor of ten-to-one ahead of the best non-human.

I fucking know, man. I've seen some old human war films, and they willingly strapped themselves to barely stable rockets, back before their computers were smaller than a whole building.

Maybe it's just something about flying?

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 08:30:00 No.14729407 Report

Quoted By: >>14730668

>>14729402
You have no idea, broodmate. I spoke to a human once. ONCE. And asked him about his species and flying. He said that humanity always wanted to fly. After they had their own skies, they looked up from their planes and realized that flying in the stars was the next step.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 08:31:00 No.14729411 Report

Quoted By:

>My face when this thread has been done before, and that time it was actually good.

Try harder.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 08:32:00 No.14729419 Report

Quoted By: >>14729447

>Implying you would ever see a human outside of an exosuit as he slaughtered your entire colony with a sharp object from the shadows.

Get out of our galaxy alienfags, but leave your hot babes.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 08:32:00 No.14729421 Report

Quoted By: >>14729439

>>14729145
Exactly dude, several inches.

I'm under a foot high. Those things are right at crotch-height.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 08:35:00 No.14729439 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729421
Pfft, at least those have proper exosketeletons and the right amount of limbs.
Now these things, those are horrifying.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 08:37:00 No.14729447 Report

Quoted By: >>14729517

>>14729419
COWARD HUMAN IN YOUR METAL SUIT WITH COWARD FIREARMS

YOU WOULD NEVER BEAT US ROUMENI IN HONORABLE COMBAT

HUMAN IS COWARD DISGUSTING

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 08:39:00 No.14729461 Report

Quoted By: >>14729517

>humans
>tough
>my face
Humans are walking hamburgers, made of mostly-water. I routinely eat life forms far tougher than them.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 08:39:00 No.14729463 Report

Quoted By: >>14729660

Look. Just look. You see this? It's not made of metal. it's ORGANIC. No, not plastics or carbon-based composites; it's unrefined plant fiber. They chopped up a bunch of plants, and tied them together with rope, and put up some sails. That's right, it's all passive wind power. They barely knew how to melt metal with fire, and they were making these. They traveled around their entire planet on these things, floating through storms, slowly dying of malnutrition and exposure the entire way.

And you know what they did then? They put guns on them. Big fuckoff guns, little guns, knives and sharp sticks. And these hopped up monkeys--most of whom couldn't even swim--went out on their oceans and KILLED EACH OTHER. This isn't a couple Grauthans cutting each other up with knives over a female and calling that a "warrior society," this is a bunch of monkeys that do nothing but figure out ways to go where they shouldn't and kill things that they can't with stuff that oughtn't work.

You laugh now, when the monkeys are building ships that leak gas or lose reactor containment or catch fire. But when you do, look at this picture and think. They're building interstellar ships now. And they're putting guns on them. Big, fuckoff guns.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 08:40:00 No.14729474 Report

Quoted By: >>14729521

Apply 15 lbs. of force to the right area and that incredibly tough human becomes a corpse.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 08:44:00 No.14729515 Report

Quoted By:

Let me know when they finally get carbon fiber skeletons and polymerized ceramic. Then we can say humans are "good". Shit they cant even leave their planet without having total system problems.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 08:44:00 No.14729517 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729447
>>14729461
You guys sound mad you can't respirate in oxygenated conditions. How's that inability to maintain your body temperature treating you? Oh that's right. Get back to me when you're done laying in the sun so you don't freeze to death, assholes.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 08:44:00 No.14729521 Report

Quoted By: >>14729589 >>14729661

>>14729474
It takes less than a pound of pressure to pierce human flesh
>yes, they taught me that at whore academy

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 08:46:00 No.14729538 Report

Quoted By: >>14729618 >>14738793

I hear that humans require a special suit to even survive in the vacuum of space. Why, prolonged exposure to the radiation of their own sun is enough to kill them.

It's no wonder we haven't bothered to make contact with them, while the true apex species of planet Earth, the tardigrades, are already represented in the high galactic council.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 08:47:00 No.14729548 Report

Quoted By: >>14729566 >>14729577 >>14729638

Wrote this in a few minutes. Hope you enjoy.

From the audio logs of Hurann Grethunk:

Our group was handpicked from the best of the best of each race in our alliance. The smartest Kragag, the fastest Urloc, the most nearly invisible Slyarn. We had a cutting edge ship and the best funding we could get while still remaining a secret project. We had enough engine power to bug out to near FTL in under 50 seconds, and to FTL in 2 minutes. We had state of the art stealth technology. Despite all this effort, every last one of us was a poke away from voiding their bowels. Our mission was utter madness. We were going to enter the Veil, and spy on what we believed to be a Human space installation.

The Veil itself is immaterial. Whatever it is, no sensors can detect it. We've only learned its boundaries by trial and costly error. However, when we passed the border, we all shuddered as the realization hit us. We were in Human territory. If we got caught, we were beyond aid.

We had to be quick to avoid the effects of the Veil, so we had been inserted not too far from the target, which appeared at this range to be an observation station. A single hangar, one of those damnable Human shield emitters (which our people were furiously trying to counter) and a number of vicious looking spikes that could send all manner of death our way. A chill ran through us all as we neared scanning distance. Hopefully, the stealth tech would work and we could get done without incident.

(cont.)

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 08:48:00 No.14729566 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729548
>Veil of Madness
I'M ALREADY FAPPING

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 08:50:00 No.14729577 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729548
---

"Hey Bob, get a load of this."

"What is that? Not like any ship we've seen before."

"Yeah, it's new I guess. From the lowered emissions I think it's supposed to be stealthed, but we picked it up about 7 minutes ago. We traced the vector and it entered the veil about half an hour ago."

"Half an hour? A stealth vessel? Those bastards are trying to spy on us."

"What should we do?"

---

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 08:51:00 No.14729589 Report

Quoted By: >>14729611 >>14729661

>>14729521
....maybe with a monomolecular blade, even needles need like a pound and a half.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 08:54:00 No.14729611 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729589
I don't know if it's actually true, I just saw the opportunity to make a Firefly reference and ran with it

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 08:55:00 No.14729618 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729538
Most things don't fare well under that much radiation, carbon-based life is ill-protected against radiation, with a few exceptions. Most species would die outright if they didn't evolve in such a hostile environment. They are still damned frail in many aspects, but they are highly resistant to most kinds of shenanigans.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 08:56:00 No.14729628 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729384
I believe our fellow was exagerating slightly, but their habbits of tampering with their species gene code is alarming.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 08:57:00 No.14729638 Report

Quoted By: >>14729716

>>14729548

>the most nearly invisible Slyarn

I fucking lost it.

B+ for effort, /tg/, but a solid E for performance.

Here's a HFY thread that didn't suck (until fags filled it with arguing about bullshit):>>14719196

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 08:59:00 No.14729656 Report

Quoted By: >>14729682 >>14729707 >>14729708

Question do HFY threads include transhumanism or are they only about baselines?

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 08:59:00 No.14729660 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729463
You think that's impressive? You know that the Telproxis of Arcadis XI used to lash together the corpses of a thousand slaves to sail across the seas of sulfuric acid on their homeworld, constantly killing further slaves to repair their gigantic death-rafts along the journey? And that they still lash the corpses of dead slaves to the outer hull of their spaceships, for good luck?

Of course, they have tough exoskeletons and tend to come back from the dead if you leave their bodies out in the sun for a little while, but a lot of slaves still died permanently that way.

They never used guns, true. But since they can fire high-pressure streams of superheated plasma out of their second mouths, cannons would be a little redundant.

But yeah, I'm sure ships made out of wood is impressive too.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:00:00 No.14729661 Report

Quoted By: >>14729689 >>14731191

>>14729521
>>14729589
Let's see here, pound is a unit for weight (or if you like, force), not pressure, metals aren't molecular at all, and a single molecule can range in size from about 0.1 millionth of a millimetre to a few centimetres or so (and possibly even more).

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:01:00 No.14729677 Report

Quoted By:

ITT we are afraid of primitive monkeys who believe in imaginary space wizards that watch them
grow up faggots, sage for humanfagggotry

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:01:00 No.14729682 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729656
Whatever it is you fap to.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:02:00 No.14729689 Report

Quoted By: >>14729730 >>14729813

>>14729661
>metals aren't molecular at all

Stop talking now.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:03:00 No.14729707 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729656
Generally they're about humans of any kind, transhumans or no.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:03:00 No.14729708 Report

Quoted By: >>14731489 >>14731573

>>14729656

Various. Some HFY stories embrace transhumanism, with humans vivaciously adapting themselves. Many more however have humans as backwards and sentimental in this regard: clinging to organic forms and simply bending the rest of the universe to suit them.

"HFY" is just a jumping-off point, it's a question. How would you make humanity stand out in a sci-fi setting?

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:04:00 No.14729716 Report

Quoted By: >>14729785

>>14729638
>I fucking lost it

What did you not like? I wrote that in 5 minutes so it's not that good, but I wasn't trying to be obnoxious. I imagine that on a stealth mission, they'd take a species that specialized in camouflage.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:04:00 No.14729720 Report

Quoted By: >>14729732

Yiff in hell, monkeylovers.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:05:00 No.14729730 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729689
Ignore him, he's a full retard. There isn't a molecule in existence that is both that size and used in blades.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:05:00 No.14729731 Report

Quoted By: >>14729750

I prefer HFY where humans excel in different ways from species who have us beat in other areas. Humans don't have to put other species down to make ourselves look good.

I kind of had an idea for a fantasy setting where humans, rather than being jacks of all trades like they usually are in fiction, are the physical combat bruisers, with no magical talent whatsoever, while other species are generally smaller and frailer, but even their untrained rubes can work spells better than a human "Wizard."

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:05:00 No.14729732 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729720
lol

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:07:00 No.14729750 Report

Quoted By: >>14729782

>>14729731
Not a very new idea, elves have always been "frailer but better wizards".

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:07:00 No.14729752 Report

Quoted By: >>14729766 >>14729786

I once had a friend, nGth, who had the carapace to challenge a human in sport.

Even with the man's 8 gravits of rebreather strapped to his head and back, the human wiped the floor with him. I hear humans are bred for sport anyway.

After the event the Thing grasped my friends arm and violently shook and accosted him. I Haven't seen nGth in years, he and his brood moved out of the sector soon after. Later I asked around what his threat might have meant, but no one seems to know what "Good Game" means in human.

Brutish creatures!

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:07:00 No.14729756 Report

Quoted By:

cram a banana up your ass and pray to Jesus, humanfags. maybe next time evolve a spinal structure that actually can withstand bipedal posture for more than 50-65 years.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:07:00 No.14729758 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729402
If you think THAT's bad, you should see the pieces of shit they flew in before they developed rockets!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4OWxoMZHErM&feature=related

They had no guided missiles so they just deployed SWARMS of the things armed with crude automatic slug throwers and occasionaly a single bomb.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:08:00 No.14729766 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729752
They are shit at Starcraft though.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:10:00 No.14729782 Report

Quoted By: >>14729823

>>14729750
I don't just mean elves, although elves would probably come into it. Elves would be able to keep up with humans, but only over short distances, after which they rapidly fall behind. There are no dwarves, only gnomes, who are hardy, but slow, and who tire easily. Probably some others as well, all of whom are better at magic than humans, but can't compete physically.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:10:00 No.14729785 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729716

"the most nearly invisible" is impressively bad syntax.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:10:00 No.14729786 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729752

Oh that's nothing. There's howling cry they make so often. Terrifies me personally. There doesn't even seem to be any pattern to it they'll just suddenly start howling, often at the most bizarre things. I fell over at the market one day and had the misfortune to spill miskerdew over another sapient, a nearby human was watching and obviously took offence at my clumsiness and began howling. I couldn't run fast enough.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:10:00 No.14729790 Report

Quoted By: >>14729875

>>14729371
The War. The humans, I think, knew they were doomed. Where another race would surrender to despair, the humans fought back with greater strength. They made the Minbari fight for every inch of space. In my life, I have never seen anything like it; They would weep, they would pray, they would say goodbye to their loved ones, and then throw themselves without fear or hesitation at the very face of death itself, never surrendering. No one who saw them fighting against the inevitable could help but be moved to tears by their courage. Their stubborn nobility. When they ran out of ships, they used guns, when they ran out guns they used knives and sticks and bare hands. They were magnificent. I only hope that when it is my time, I may die with half as much dignity as I saw in their eyes in the end. They did this for two years they never ran out of courage but in the end, they ran out of time.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:12:00 No.14729813 Report

Quoted By: >>14729873

>>14729689
So, how many gold atoms is there in a gold molecule? What shape is it?

Molecules are groups of atoms held together by covalent bonds. Metals are held together by metal bonding. Another common non-molecular type of matter is salts, which are held together by ionic bonds. And let's not forget helium gas, where the atoms run solo.

(Is this another one of those high school lies, like "no centrifugal force"?)

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:13:00 No.14729823 Report

Quoted By: >>14729836

>>14729782
Rather reminds me of a fantasy Damned Trilogy.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:15:00 No.14729836 Report

Quoted By: >>14729967

>>14729823
What's that?

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:16:00 No.14729845 Report

Quoted By: >>14729857 >>14729865

...what does HFY stand for?

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:17:00 No.14729857 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729845
Humanity: Fuck yeah!

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:18:00 No.14729865 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729845
High fructose yambags

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:18:00 No.14729873 Report

Quoted By: >>14729966 >>14738985

>>14729813

...
A centrifuge is a piece of equipment. It's centrifical force. Please don't breed, for the love of god. I can't tell if he's trolling or just smashing his head against the keyboard.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:18:00 No.14729875 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729790
Oh really? When I encountered humans for the first time, they all shit themselves (literally) and jumped out a window to get away from me.

I was only going to ask them to turn off their music because I had an exam in the morning.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:20:00 No.14729893 Report

Quoted By: >>14729910 >>14729924

Guys, let me warn you now. DO NOT TRY TO DATE HUMAN WOMEN!

I've met with a number of travellers who were headed to Earth looking to pick up human women, NONE OF THEM EVER CAME BACK.

All I ever heard from them was an emergency transmission the last group sent out with a single image in it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:21:00 No.14729910 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729893
Nobody steals our chicks... and lives.
Do note that we will take alien chicks in exchange.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:22:00 No.14729924 Report

Quoted By: >>14729932

>>14729893

What's the point of trying to exchange plasmids with those filth-wallowing hicks? They haven't even gained full control over their metabolic processes yet.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:23:00 No.14729927 Report

Quoted By:

Humans aren't tough. The OP would know this if he actually took a knife to one and dissected it rather than feign knowledge by projecting an idealized rendering of a human's rigid support structure.

Their bone structures are only developed enough to correct the various strains their Earth's gravitational pull demands of their posture. They are exposed like this - every major part of their body is full of easily exploitable weaknesses based either on the weakness of the neck of a long bone, the relative size and easy access to major vessels and organs (courtesy of their upright posture), and their systemic biological degeneration that occurs so rapidly one may become distracted for a moment and find his subject has died and been replaced with progeny.

Humans did not survive because they were tough. They survived because they sacrificed natural defenses for observational height. They are not monsters, just watchtowers with an interesting if soft anatomy.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:23:00 No.14729932 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729924
I never said I was into it! I'm just sending out a warning.

Some of the guys who went there were pretty fucking heavily armed too.

ACOG

ACOG Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:24:00 No.14729944 Report

Quoted By: >>14729964 >>14730017

So humans need to think some more. They live on this giant ball of carbon and silicon, right? You would think this means fullerene skeletons, ceramized skin, and quasidigital pathways, but no they went with nitrogen based protein shells and calcium support work. Oh and their nervous system, made of an electrochemical braid, the brain at least is good except it isn't. Its a natural quantum computer without a checker, end result they get 2+2=fish to be the correct answer 1e-12372 times. Oh and we are supposed to just let them walk onto galactic center stage because they were chosen by the precursors. I say fuck no we Novus had to pull ourselves up by the neck from at least 4 extinction class events but did we get anything,nope. We control over 120 star systems and made modern wormhole travel work and what did the humans make disposable tattoos. All they do is trump up old tech and try and pass it off as something new and important. Why should they be classed as anything but an emergent species and all we get told is its the precursor's will. Fucking precursors, we got by without them had to work for everything. I say we make our own way in the universe unbound by such nonsense, in fact today I mark day 0 of the ascension of a new galactic order. One in which the past does not restrain the future but one in which life can flourish. We shall be called The Celestial Empire and we shall free the galaxy from precursor tyranny. Come my brothers and sisters there is work to be done for our ascension.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:25:00 No.14729946 Report

Quoted By: >>14729955 >>14729989

I don't know. Some of them are just kind of...cute, somehow. Exotic.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:26:00 No.14729955 Report

Quoted By: >>14729987

>>14729946
A Quarian WOULD say thjat.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:27:00 No.14729964 Report

Quoted By: >>14730068

>>14729944
The Novus were then wiped out by a more powerful race who placed more importance on spacing.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:27:00 No.14729966 Report

Quoted By: >>14738985

>>14729873
Ehm, what? I think you've misunderstood me pretty fucking badly, but I have a hard time seeing exactly how, so let's take this step by step.

Not all matter is molecular. Metals for example aren't. But many seem to think metals do consist of molecules. I'm thinking this might be due to not entirely competent teachers around high school or so saying things like "all matter consists of atoms, which stick together to make molecules" (thus implying that all matter consists of molecules). Now, as one example of such silliness being taught as fact is that around high school level you can find teachers claiming that there is no centrifugal force, only a centripetal force.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:27:00 No.14729967 Report

Quoted By: >>14729992

>>14729836
Aliens find humans, we're all stronger (than most), tougher (than most), faster (than most), bigger (than most), and have more endurance than anyone and we are also one of the only species psychologically capable of fighting and killing. We are the only species that enjoys it. We are also immune to mind control.
Aliens outclass us in everything else and ostracize us, finding us terrifying and barbaric, though we fight a war for them. Eventually the antagonists try to engineer some humans to be susceptible to mind control, but they are rescued and the implants severed. It grows back and give those ones the same psychic mind control powers as the antagonists. Eventually the war ends and the trilogy ends ambiguously as to whether the humans will attack their erstwhile allies in desperation.
It's pretty good.

ACOG

ACOG Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:30:00 No.14729987 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729955
Oh lay off the Quarian. Just because they have no home planet doesn't make them bad. I mean a planet is a deathtrap what with the fact anyone can dump some rocks in the plane of the ecliptic and kill your world. And resources are quite easy to find in space. I mean I was a Quarian ship and they have some of the best non nanotech reclamation systems I've seen.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:30:00 No.14729989 Report

Quoted By: >>14730024 >>14730030 >>14730035 >>14730073 >>14730110

>>14729946

Every nice girl says this until they're cornered alone and scared by a human in heat (which I'm told happens continuously and without warning).

How 'cute' would we think them once we find them brandishing elongated meat sticks and scrambling around our daughters' bodies looking for place to stick themselves into.

This is the measure of human civilization. Everything is an attempt to violate with their long objects and personages. Their ships, their weapons, their intergalactic policies. It's all the same.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:31:00 No.14729992 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729967
Oh right.

Well, this story would place humans as the mercenary soldiers of the other races, before a large group splits off to form their own civilization without the use of magic.

Along the way: Orcs. Trolls. Other stuff that challenges humanity's "hat."

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:34:00 No.14730017 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729944

Oh look, one of those Novucentric revisionists.

Yoomans may not be all that and a bucket of reactives, but nobody else actually buys it when your little cult tries to take credit for every technological development in the spiral.

The largest contribution the Novus have made to date is a chain of convenience depots.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:34:00 No.14730024 Report

Quoted By: >>14730208 >>14738985

>>14729989

>meat sticks

this too, is only further damning them as barbarians. How are you supposed to genetically optimize your offspring when you're using random recombination of traits? No wonder they've got so many handicapped.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:35:00 No.14730030 Report

Quoted By: >>14730110

>>14729989
*Blush*

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:35:00 No.14730035 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729989
Alien pussies get fucked?

No way.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:36:00 No.14730059 Report

Quoted By: >>14730092

I had fought a human before, I knew what I was up against, or so i thought.

But what stepped into the arena was something I had never seen before. Its skin was not pink, but black as pitch, and his hair even darker. It hung in thick, twisted strands like a mane. Its thick lips, almost purple in complexion parted to reveal a row of teeth, aglow in white in contrast with the dark.

It stood a good head taller than what I had seen of humans, with long powerful limbs. As he entered my sensory range I detected a dramatically higher muscle density, soon I would find them to be the high twitch force variety.

The difference only began to show as it began to move. Its walk was fluid, yet powerful, not like the awkward waddling of the pink ones. This fluidity turned into charged lightning as it closed in with blazing speed, I could barely stop its far reaching blows.

I leapt back, wings widespread to glide across the chasm. Confronting it on the narrow ledging would give me advantage, but to my horror the black one did not stop.

It ran straight into the chasm, I thought the thing mad, it was a clear score spans of distance and impossible for any wingless one...

but by the patriarch, its musculature was like spring steel, carrying the black one across the chasm.

Listen well young ones, you may think the humans to be frail, pink, slow things, as they are... but beware, beware the Black ones.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:37:00 No.14730062 Report

Quoted By:

Humans are a mixed bag.

On the one hand, they've spread like a plague throughout the sector and have devastated entire planets in their search for wealth.

On the other hand, they did help us with our bug problem.

ACOG

ACOG Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:37:00 No.14730068 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729964
Kinda hard that's just our class M star systems. We have many more that are considered useless and uninhabitable by most along with numerous void bases stocked to fully restart ourselves, again. In fact we actually matched Davros in the number of recovery plans. Poor guy taught his creations they were the pinnacle of creation and forgot to upgrade with them. I wonder what happened to him?

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:38:00 No.14730073 Report

Quoted By: >>14730110

>>14729989

Oh. That's very...oh.

I'm going to log off now and, uhm. Get some rest. In my bunk.

oblimo !DSzvku.lzI

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oblimo !DSzvku.lzI Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:38:00 No.14730074 Report

Quoted By: >>14730142

Or the opposite coin:

"I've heard the human home planet is so hot that nitrogen is a gas. A fucking gas! Can you imagine your blood subliming right through your silicate matrixes? I didn't think so!"

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:40:00 No.14730092 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730059
NFY

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:41:00 No.14730110 Report

Quoted By: >>14730231

>>14730073
>>14730030
>>14729989
Quit encouraging them!

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:43:00 No.14730140 Report

Quoted By: >>14730210 >>14730282

>face of the Minds while the humans try to wage war on the Culture and find themselves being held off effortlessly with the only casualties on either side being the humans accidently shooting each other

ACOG

ACOG Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:43:00 No.14730142 Report

Quoted By: >>14730239

>>14730074
Whats a matter never seen a gas giant before?

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:45:00 No.14730168 Report

Quoted By: >>14730236 >>14730410

A long time ago the humans had a war on their homeworld. Before this war it was supposedly a world that teemed with life. Still a deathworld by most accounts but one that threatened to kill you with disease, viruses and vicious predators. Not the radioactive waste the galaxy thinks of when they think of Earth.

I was part of a team investigating transmission fragments from what came to be known as the Sol system. Unfortunately we arrived too late and found a world that had been devastated by war many human generations before we had arrived. Nuclear weapons along with other less well understood weapons had been used turning their world into a radioactive hell with bizarre anomalies plaguing the survivors.
When we achieved orbit a long abandoned military satellite opened fire on us and managed to bring us down thanks to it surprising us. Our ship broke through the ground in a city into some kind of underground mass transit system. To my dismay I found myself to be the only survivor but it was there I experienced something that would change me forever.

I met a human. One of many who still survived on their blasted world. In conditions that would send many races into extinction they still managed to hold on even if just barely. I had resigned myself to death before being found by this strange being. If not for my translator I fear what may have happened.

The human convinced me to follow him despite my protests of already being dead. He claimed it wasn't over until I gave up. So I followed him. Dragging my ships rescue beacon (useless underground) along with me in the hope that I could use it to call help when we reached the surface.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:48:00 No.14730208 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730024

Doesn't your creche have mandatory xenobiology surveys? Gawd.

Semi-random genetic recombination is the optimal method for maximizing a population's adaptive resilience against outside threats...right up until you develop genetic engineering and fertility medicine. And then, it DOESN'T MATTER. They could all decide to mate with furniture at this point, and it needn't have any consequences for their genetic fitness.

Once you learn how to carve rocks, it doesn't matter what the best method is for trying to find usefully-shaped rocks.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:48:00 No.14730210 Report

Quoted By: >>14730309 >>14730426

>>14730140
The Culture is entirely humans and AIs, you twat.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:49:00 No.14730220 Report

Quoted By: >>14730364

mfw aliens claim to be sooo superior to humans.

Let me as you a question xeno. You have ftl right? If that is the case then you could consume the entire mass of the visible universe and convert it to individuals of your own species in less than six thousand years if you could maintain the same population growth humans do today. Of course you couldn't disassemble stars or gas giants, and not all material can be made into your own flesh or machines that serve you. But you still should have conquered the entire universe within that time frame.

Or if not you have relativistic space travel that can achieve an average velocity of 0.1C right? Well in that case it should only take about 1 million years for you to spread to every stellar system in the galaxy. And since two species capable of space travel are unlike to arise within one million years of eachother, then why have you not taken over the galaxy yet if you should have had all the time you needed to do so.

My hypothesis: you are weak willed faggots that respect life and aren't imperialist enough.

This universe deserves a better class sapient life form, and we're gonna give it to'em.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:49:00 No.14730231 Report

Quoted By: >>14730281 >>14730293 >>14730527 >>14730582

>>14730110

Why should I stop encouraging these young Quarian maidens to stay within civilized boundaries and dash any thoughts of thinking human mating is in any way 'cute'? Are you for miscegenation? If you only knew how vile the process was.

First the human grunt approaches our defenseless Quarian who has foolishly decided to afford it her trust. Her second mistake is to then allow herself to forget her training, to not see this male as a dangerous species, and turn her back to him. It is here that he strikes, pressing the poor girl against the wall and using his limbs to wrap around her body, utilizing the fruit of epochs of evolution for nothing more than the base groping and clasping of any receptive surface the Quarian can feel through her protective suit. He is merciless as he is manipulative, and very soon he has degraded the poor girl's senses to allow a third mistake.

I... cannot speak anymore, I feel ill already.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:50:00 No.14730236 Report

Quoted By: >>14730410

>>14730168

The things in those ancient tunnels are things I avoid thinking of. Mutated animals, humans who had been changed by radiation and biological weapons, other humans who sought to kill me and my guide for any supplies we had with us and ancient human technology that still endevoured to fight a war long lost.

Through it all my guide pulled me, fending it all off with a primitive slugthrower weapon.

Eventually we came to the worlds surface. A bleak and cold place back then. We climbed to the highest point in the ruined city, fending off more mutated animals until I could finally broadcast for rescue. When my salvation came the human disappeared back into those tunnels.

I always wondered what became of him. Was he consumed by the horrors beneath his world?

oblimo !DSzvku.lzI

oblimo !DSzvku.lzI Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:50:00 No.14730239 Report

Quoted By: >>14730353

>>14730142
Well, yeah, but nothing living on them. I mean, *in* them. Ug. Just the idea of swimming in an atmosphere makes me sick. Give me vacuum and a shell I can stand on, as the Godnode intended.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:53:00 No.14730281 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730231

>Are you for miscegenation?

It's quite a beautiful thing, really.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:53:00 No.14730282 Report

Quoted By: >>14730496

>>14730140
>implying that real life is a faggy soft-scifi circle jerk with free energy where everybody can get along and sing com-by-yah.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:54:00 No.14730293 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730231
Good. No more words. Just moans.

Mmm.. that's good. I'm gonna fuck you til you love me, suit-boy.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:55:00 No.14730309 Report

Quoted By: >>14730363 >>14730470

>>14730210
The Culture visited the Earth in the 1970's and it had organic citizens at that point. Read 'The State of the Art' you twat.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:56:00 No.14730321 Report

Quoted By:

The Gungan wars...

Totally worth watching.

jenny.r

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jenny.r Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:58:00 No.14730353 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730239
>give me a shell and a few drones to launch from it an' I'm happy

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:59:00 No.14730363 Report

Quoted By: >>14730387 >>14730393

>>14730309
Wait, so it's LITERALLY a hippie circlejerk?

ACOG

ACOG Wed 27 Apr 2011 09:59:00 No.14730364 Report

Quoted By: >>14730639

>>14730220
Oh good your volunteering your race as base materials then? Stupid human you think we could just expand at your unsustainable rate. What happens when all the mass is gone what then? And you think that there would not be set backs on the way like oh say a binary neutron star couple collapsing on itself and wiping out 99.999999999873% percent of sophontic life and destroying all it touched to prevent easy rebuilding. You and your always looking on the wrong side makes me sick.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:01:00 No.14730387 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730363
Not following the logic here.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:02:00 No.14730393 Report

Quoted By: >>14730454

>>14730363
Pretty much.

That's why the Culture novels are not actually about the Culture. The culture is fucking boring.

They're all about how the culture interacts with other societies. Very little is said about what's actually going on in the Culture at the time, but you can safely assume it's full of hippies who are all jerking each other off.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:03:00 No.14730410 Report

Quoted By: >>14730467

>>14730168
>>14730236
This is an awesome idea. Mind if I steal it? I think I can really flesh it out and give it a good post-apocalypse feel while narrating it a bit like a character from an HP Lovecraft story, with the human being almost a force of its environment instead of being a character.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:04:00 No.14730426 Report

Quoted By: >>14730486

>>14730210
There is a story in 'The State of the Art' which involves the Culture observing planet Earth during the 70s. As far as we know, the Culture contains zero homo sapiens. The term 'human' is used in the books as a useful shorthand for the vaugely humanoid biological citizens of the Culture, as opposed to the machines. The Culture is composed of many, many different species and they can change their own form into whatever they like anyway so it's not like species even means much to them.

The only dominant race in the Culture are the machines.

oblimo !DSzvku.lzI

oblimo !DSzvku.lzI Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:06:00 No.14730454 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730393
The only thing the Culture won't tolerate is a non-Culture society intolerant of the Culture itself. Then it eliminates intolerance with EXTREME PREJUDICE, dropping the society's home-world into a artificial singularity after the genocide and earth-salting, just to be sure.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:07:00 No.14730467 Report

Quoted By: >>14730573

>>14730410

Go for it. I'm far too tired to do it the justice it deserves. I pretty thought to myself "What if an alien crashlanded in the Washington DC metro in Fallout 3 and met some guy who's a mix of good lone wanderer and Khan from Metro 2033? then they went on a magical fun time journey through the metro!"

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:07:00 No.14730470 Report

Quoted By: >>14730489 >>14730502 >>14730507 >>14730646

>>14730309
The problem is that the the Culture novels represent the very worst of left leaning political shlock, the same way that Stranger in a Strange Land or Atlas Shrugged represent the very worst of Libertarian shit, or John Ringo's stuff is the worst of right leaning slop.

Basically I hate scifi were the author thinks of his ideal imaginary society and than sets up the history of a setting by fiat so that the society he wants looks like the inevitable and "natural", as if something natural is somehow better than something artificial, conclusion of social progression. Just look at his "notes on the culture" and seen what a mean. There is so much wishful thinking and circular logic that it makes by eyes water.

I know it's just me but really think the setting should be dictated by the technology available and the extrapolation of all trends that technology could allow for, rather than picking your idealized society and working backward.

oblimo !DSzvku.lzI

oblimo !DSzvku.lzI Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:09:00 No.14730486 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730426
"Pan-humans" were a common citizen type at least at one point in the Culture's history.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:09:00 No.14730489 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730470

It's not just you.

I also think those kinds of settings are bullshit.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:10:00 No.14730496 Report

Quoted By: >>14730569 >>14730585

>>14730282
You know what real life is? Real life is humans sitting on Earth doing fuck all until we go extinct. We will never encounter aliens. We will never set foot on a planet outside of the Solar System.

So the whole thread is moot as far as real life is concerned.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:10:00 No.14730502 Report

Quoted By: >>14730552

>>14730470
Okay. So what do you think a society with unlimited resources where no-one has to work or even do without would look like. Not arguing, just honestly curious.

oblimo !DSzvku.lzI

oblimo !DSzvku.lzI Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:11:00 No.14730507 Report

Quoted By: >>14730534

>>14730470
2/10

If you bother to read any of the Culture books, you'd notice that the Culture always turns out to be the antagonist, precisely because of it's ethics.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:12:00 No.14730527 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730231
God damn Quarians. An entire race of chronic masturbators to begin with, what with those suits and immune systems that make casual sex a non-option but leave plenty of tools for neuro-stim programs to work with. But ever since those damn humans came on the scene their production rate of dating sims has increased almost exponentially. I caught one of my two-year contract workers playing one of those damn things on duty and docked his pay for the day.

It was a bit awkward, but not nearly so awkward as the time I walked in on her roommate looking at an Extranet page titled "Mask-Free and Manly."

oblimo !DSzvku.lzI

oblimo !DSzvku.lzI Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:12:00 No.14730534 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730507
its

Why kind of species makes Freudian slips and substitutions even when using artificial means of commutation? Honestly.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:14:00 No.14730552 Report

Quoted By: >>14730613

>>14730502
Ever see Paris Hilton?

In such a world, everyone would be like her.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:15:00 No.14730569 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730496
>He thinks technology won't keep advancing.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:15:00 No.14730573 Report

Quoted By: >>14730611

>>14730467
The way I figure is that I would write it to give it a really dark feel, the world would be frozen over with a nuclear winter/new ice age (technically it just resumed, a lot of people are arguing that the current era we're in is just a warm spot).

The alien would crash in Washington (I actually had that in mind, because as a southerner I prefer having things closer to home) and the human he would interact with would be quiet and their "conversations" would simply be body language, while the alien actually tries to communicate with him, verbally or otherwise.

The world is frozen over, mutants, monsters, and technological abominations roam the surface and the humans would be living underground and would be using the metros to trade and stuff, but sometimes the monsters break into safe routes.

The Guide, as the human character would be called, helps the Traveler, the alien, enter the metro system, but for the Traveler's safety he keeps it out of the human settlements and they take the back tunnels which are largely abandoned (think of the Ghost section in the game Metro 2033) and those are interrupted by the musings of the Traveler and small and extremely violent interludes from the monsters.

Think Metro 2033 kind of atmosphere with a The Road kind of narration.

ACOG

ACOG Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:16:00 No.14730579 Report

Quoted By:

Culture this and Culture that, would they just fucking sublime already and stop mucking up everything for their own amusement. God I hate being 512th in galactic rulership.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:16:00 No.14730582 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730231
God damn Quarians. An entire race of chronic masturbators to begin with, what with those suits and immune systems that make casual sex a non-option but leave plenty of tools for neuro-stim programs to work with. But ever since those damn humans came on the scene their production rate of dating sims has increased almost exponentially. I caught one of my two-year contract workers playing one of those damn things on duty and docked her pay for the day.

It was a bit awkward, but not nearly so awkward as the time I walked in on her roommate looking at an Extranet page titled "Mask-Free and Manly."

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:16:00 No.14730585 Report

Quoted By: >>14730614 >>14730624

>>14730496
>We will never encounter aliens.

Sapient aliens? Perhaps not. But alien life in general? We certainly will.

>We will never set foot on a planet outside of the Solar System.

Yes we will.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:18:00 No.14730611 Report

Quoted By: >>14730638

>>14730573

Do it. DO IT NOW!

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:19:00 No.14730613 Report

Quoted By: >>14730666

>>14730552
Ugh, you might have a point there, I think I just threw up a bit.

ACOG

ACOG Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:19:00 No.14730614 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730585
I agree. In fact I agree so much I have dedicated half my life to ensure this and more IRL.

oblimo !DSzvku.lzI

oblimo !DSzvku.lzI Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:19:00 No.14730624 Report

Quoted By: >>14730653

>>14730585
Let's get some definitive proof that they exist first before we make declamations, shall we?

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:20:00 No.14730638 Report

Quoted By: >>14731197

>>14730611
Well I've got two papers due tomorrow and I've already been procrastinating, so I'll get on it right now.

The papers can wait, I've still got another 14 hours till the first one is due.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:20:00 No.14730639 Report

Quoted By: >>14730714 >>14730757

>>14730364
>Whining xeno doesn't like winners.

I have always found it to be the habit of the weak to deride the strong for their strengths.

>What happens when all the mass is gone what then?
I just said you couldn't disassemble stars shithead, so you arrange that material into dyson swarms around that stars to take in all the energy available. That way you can live around red dwarfs for 120 trillion years until they burn out.

Unless this is and FTL capable universe. Which indicates huge buttfucking of physics and the existence of free energy not based on the fusion occurring in main sequence stars. Which means you have all the energy no need and the only limiting fact to growth is matter. And if you have free energy then maybe you can afford to make new matter from it. And will that you can slow the accelerating expansion and heat death of the universe.

But regardless of whether this is a retarded soft scifi space opera or a ballsy piece of diamond hard scifi without any magic bullshit, the end is the same. Humans are completely ascendant and dominant forever, and we fight between ourselves for the scraps until the end of time.

What more could a vicious imperialistic race like ourselves ask for?

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:21:00 No.14730640 Report

Quoted By: >>14730687

If I can give humans credit for anything, it's their ruthlessness. They will not hesitate to kill each other, in terrible ways. There was once a human named Atilf Hidder, who tried to kill any human who didn't fit very strict standards, most of which didn't even matter, like having yellow fur. And this fucker started their Second Worldwide War, in which one group nearly annihilated another which huge fucking bombs, AND THEN CHEERED AFTERWORDS. And yes, I said SECOND. They actually had a completely devastating war that involved nearly every human, and then decided to have a SECOND one. In fact, they even had a third, but to the humans, they didn't think it was big enough to be called ones. I mean, if their that ruthless to each other, Hilarak knows what they would do to us.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:23:00 No.14730646 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730470
Oh, fuck off. The Culture novels are noticeably left-wing but it never hijacks the story or compromises the writing. It's hardly comparable to Atlas Shrugged, you just WANT it to be be comparable so you can sound like you are being fair to both sides.

>I know it's just me but really think the setting should be dictated by the technology available and the extrapolation of all trends that technology could allow for, rather than picking your idealized society and working backward.

That's fair enough for near-future stories, but completely impossible when you are writing about an extremely advanced alien civilization in the distant future.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:24:00 No.14730653 Report

Quoted By: >>14730741 >>14730755

>>14730624
No, let's not. Please do not suggest that life only exists on Earth.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:24:00 No.14730666 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730613
It wouldn't be that bad. The only reason we look down on the vapid, ignorant, and lazy now is that they're not contributing anything to society. When society doesn't need contributing too, it only makes sense to adopt a lifestyle that's enjoyable for you.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:24:00 No.14730668 Report

Quoted By: >>14730906

>>14729294
>>14729336
>>14729402
>>14729407
OP of>>14719196Here.

I like the faster skill development angle. To make it seem less lopsided, maybe have humans less able to communicate with the other species. Imagine, if you will, a group of Navy SEALs who can't speak Russian trying to make first contact with Russia. That seems like what it might be like.

Then of course, the humans would have to hire translators. Or create dumb AI translators to help them out. Thus forcing aliens to talk with humans through a proxy.

Sound interesting?

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:25:00 No.14730687 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730640
Shit son, you know what humans who didn't kill tons of people? They played games in which they pretended to kill tons of people. EVEN WHEN THEY ARE NOT KILLING, THEY SPEND THEIR FREE TIME KILLING

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:27:00 No.14730707 Report

Quoted By:

I always wonder what would going through those Mandrion Pirates, sorry, "settlers" heads when they decided to not wear hardsuits when trying to intimidate the natives on a planet where solid ordinance is the most commonly used weapon.

Good job giving all that technology to a swarm of bloodthirsty savages. I'm SURE that those Masters you believe in thought you made a great choice.

oblimo !DSzvku.lzI

oblimo !DSzvku.lzI Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:27:00 No.14730714 Report

Quoted By: >>14730761 >>14730764

>>14730639
Ah, Dyson spheres.

Was I the only person who, when first hearing of dark matter thought, "Oh, isn't that exactly what Dyson predicted with his Spheres and exactly how we would be able to find them? ... Wait, *how* much dark matter is there supposed to b---OH FUCK WE ARE SO FUCKING FUCKED."

Cosmic horror scifi premise: Why is dark matter dark? Because it's IN USE.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:29:00 No.14730741 Report

Quoted By: >>14730826 >>14730860

>>14730653

I am the last human off the Earth.

Long ago mankind spread out into this vast ocean. The infinite sea of stars. We hoped to finally answer the question that had eaten at us since looking up "are we alone?". The answer unfortunately was yes.

We humans lived a bleak and terrifying existence as the only intelligent life. Our world the only world in the entire universe with life. We tried to take it with us wherever we went but it never quite worked. Eventually all the explorers and colonists struggled to get back to Earth. A bizarre homing instinct overtook us as a species resulting in wars more bloody than any in memory. All to possess that little world.

Now it's just me out here. Scavenging abandoned colonies and derelict ships. A lonely human in a lonely universe.

oblimo !DSzvku.lzI

oblimo !DSzvku.lzI Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:31:00 No.14730755 Report

Quoted By: >>14730799

>>14730653
Please, give me some credit. Of course I think that extrasolar life exists. But saying *I think* rather than *there is* is the difference between a useful statement and a foolish one.

ACOG

ACOG Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:31:00 No.14730757 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730639
I have also found the naive to refuse good counsel. The universe ends on its own with no way to stop it. The stars are not some special thing they may be difficult compared to planets to disassemble but they have been disassembled by us before. Yet it matters not what is said or done all shall end nothing to stop the darkness. Beware you who follow us we could not solve the problem how could you.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:31:00 No.14730761 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730714
Well no, not really. If that were the case we would be seeing a significant diming of all the stars. And the matter would be reflective at least in the same sense that interstellar hydrogen gas is. Dark matter appear to be mostly concentrated around galaxies but is not interactive with normal matter as far as we can tell.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:31:00 No.14730764 Report

Quoted By: >>14730850

>>14730714

what?

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:33:00 No.14730787 Report

Quoted By: >>14730800 >>14730937

Ladies,Gents, Hermaphroditicals, and Asexualites. Maybe even one or two Selta who deign interact on the network.

I present to you all the Winchester 1895. You probably vaguely recognize something like it from your own industrial/postindustrial period dramas. Some probably spend too much time on /k/ and can piece out its workings between mutterings about 'nuggets' and 'clips'.

I'll break it down: a physically actuated repeating slug thrower capable of holding 5 rounds of high powered ammunition and swiftly reloadable.

This is so recognizable to us all because that's where we stopped for the next 250-300 years until we had worthwhile plasmathrowers, small scale mass drivers, or minirockets. Sure there would have been some changes: larger capacity/removable magazines, changes to ammunition and propellants, improved optics and aiming apparatuses, synthetic materials. Some races even decided to use the force of recoil or pressure to cycle the rifle, a so called 'semi-auto,' but by and large most races stuck to the design until something vastly superior arrived.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:33:00 No.14730799 Report

Quoted By: >>14730920

>>14730755
Fine. It is extremely probable that extrasolar life exists. So probable that it can almost be called a certainty. But there is no definitive proof, and there won't be, for a good number of years.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:33:00 No.14730800 Report

Quoted By: >>14730871

>>14730787
Not Humans. No, apparently this wasn't good enough for them. Instead they kept improving their slug throwers for the next 200 some years, often arguing about the smallest bits of minutiae. Network spanning arguments over differences of approximately 2mm in projectile size and methods of operation with no statistically significant difference.

Were I to own one of these 1895's or their like here on Qetar, it would not only require a class 5 permit and the installation of a locator tag, but enduring constant thinly veiled comments implying anatomical deficiency. And Humans decided this wasn't enough, and needed centuries of work and improvement to the point of their being no visible link between the 1895 and the 2103 they eventually retired in favor of minirockets. What's more, you see that sword in the picture? That goes on the end of the rifle, because apparently the Humans decided it wasn't killy enough before they finished it and stuck a sword on the end to compensate.

Humans are fucking crazy.

inb4 lol Qetarfag. I know living here sucks, but my family has lived here since it was colonized and I'm not leaving them behind.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:35:00 No.14730826 Report

Quoted By: >>14730838 >>14730878

>>14730741
I've always felt that we should be creating life on other worlds. If we're alone, we should can ourselves less alone.

Why not plant shit on Mars and see what happens? Hell, maybe that's how we got here in the first place.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:35:00 No.14730838 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730826
You obviously have no idea how plants work

oblimo !DSzvku.lzI

oblimo !DSzvku.lzI Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:36:00 No.14730850 Report

Quoted By: >>14730913

>>14730764
The reason why dark matter is concentrated around galaxies and "invisible" to to electromagnetic radiation but detectable by it's gravitational effects is: dark matter is comprised of star systems where all energy output is put to use by an alien intelligence. That's Dyson's Sphere proposal was all about.

Of course it's bullshit. But it makes a good blasphemous truth for a cosmic horror scifi campaign.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:37:00 No.14730859 Report

Quoted By:

>>Click link

teka

teka Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:37:00 No.14730860 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730741

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/12028916/

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/12061288/

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:42:00 No.14730871 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730800
>Winchestah '95, Ded Killy.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:42:00 No.14730878 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730826
Eventually, we will. But probably only when it could provide some benefit to us, rather than for no reason at all.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:48:00 No.14730906 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730668
I could see how this could play out.

Alien: "Human, I am in need of your services as an assassin."

Human: "?l????t ??? ?? ??? ???t ?????"

Alien: "Uh...what?"

Translator: "He thinks your hat is funny."

Human: "t??t? ??t ???t ? ????!"

Translator: "He says the pudding is in the yard."

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:49:00 No.14730913 Report

Quoted By: >>14731007

>>14730850

But you can't actually make a solid sphere. The material strength would need to exceed the strong nuclear force. And there wouldn't be enough material in a stellar system to make a cloud of orbiting stations thick enough and dense enough to collect all the radiation.

Dyson's original idea was a swarm not a sphere.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:49:00 No.14730920 Report

Quoted By: >>14731007 >>14731014

>>14730799So probably that i can almost be called a certainty.

That's even more meaningless and foolish than what you said before.

>But there is no definitive proof, and there won't be, for a good number of years.

My point is: how to go about scientifically testing the theory of the existence of extrasolar life is, in fact, extremely problematic. If our cosmological models of the Universe hold true, it may even be impossible, akin to communicating with someone outside your light cone.

Hopefully that's wrong.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:50:00 No.14730937 Report

Quoted By: >>14730993 >>14731008 >>14731036

>>14730787

It is interesting that you should bring up the use of the firearm as a uniquely human trait, for it is this fact that is most fascinating to me, as a scholar of comparative xenology, for my thesis is that it is humanity's mastery of ranged combat that has made them such a fascinatingly unique species in this sector of the galaxy.

Consider this: human evolutionary tool use was based around the use of the missile weapon as a hunting tool. This was further enhanced by their use of binocular vision (evolved from their arboreal ancestors) which gave them superior depth perception and ranged accuracy. Combined with their musculature and skeletal structure, originally evolved for gracile arboreal movement between branches, and you have a body easily adapted to the accurate use of throwing weapons.

The early use of missile weapons as hunting tools and weapons of warfare are unique among humanity. As opposed to, say, the Gr-Kee (who possess circular vision, but minimal depth perception), and have only managed to utilize accurate missile weaponry with the development of firearms and sighted weaponry, humanity has had their entire sentient existence to perfect the use of ranged weaponry in combat.

It is a controversial theory, I understand, but one which, I feel, may have some merit.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:56:00 No.14730970 Report

Quoted By: >>14731009

humans are actually one of the weakest and slowest mammals (scaled to mass) on earth

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:58:00 No.14730993 Report

Quoted By: >>14731050

>>14730937
An interesting theory. The fact that humans used both close quarters and ranged weapons alongside each other may seem to refute it, but that fact that they did use ranged weapons while close quarters weapons were the norm definitely supports it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:59:00 No.14731007 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730920
Holy crap my grammar sucks. Time for bed.

>>14730913
Point well made and taken. I was thinking of scifi in the Lovecraftian rip-off sense, rather than anything like hard sf.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:59:00 No.14731008 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730937
I heard so. Think they could probably target an' hit even the womp'rats. I could only manage to do it twice,.

Where'd you go an' study, hive boy?

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:59:00 No.14731009 Report

Quoted By: >>14731171 >>14731191

>>14730970
Actually, human muscle density is second only to chimps.

But I applaud you for at least making an attempt. 7/10.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 10:59:00 No.14731014 Report

Quoted By: >>14731140

>>14730920
>That's even more meaningless and foolish than what you said before.

Is it? I'm so sorry. Perhaps if you had copied and pasted it correctly, instead of trying to write it out yourself...

>My point is: how to go about scientifically testing the theory of the existence of extrasolar life is, in fact, extremely problematic.

No, not really. All you need is some probes to make the journey to a number of close star systems and search for life. Of course, you may be waiting a few hundred years for their arrival, unless you manage to accelerate them to a fair fraction of lightspeed.

>If our cosmological models of the Universe hold true, it may even be impossible, akin to communicating with someone outside your light cone.

You're going to have to explain what you mean by this.

Disco Spaceman

Disco Spaceman Wed 27 Apr 2011 11:03:00 No.14731036 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730937
I heard so. Think they could probably target an' hit even a womp'rat. I could only manage to do it twice, and once I got lucky.

Where'd you go an' study, hive boy? Ma'sha needs me here to clean her radiators, but I'll leave some day.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 11:04:00 No.14731050 Report

Quoted By:

>>14730993

Study the history of human melee combat, and you will find that melee weaponry, although often idealized, was always secondary in killing power to the ranged weapon. Despite a brief vogue in their early iron age, when their armor technology advanced to the point of being proof against hand-thrown missiles, it was rapidly supplanted by the flexion-powered missile launchers.

In practice, the human use of hand-to-hand combat seems to be largely reserved either as a shock tactic, as a defensive line against said shock troops, or for the pursuit and destruction of fleeing enemies after the battle has been decided.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 11:09:00 No.14731083 Report

Quoted By: >>14731102 >>14731124 >>14731240

Forget the high-tension muscles. Forget the absurdly dense skeletal structure. Forget the warlike psychology. You want to know the really terrifying thing about humans? When you face a human, you're not up against a single organism. They host, actually HOST, billions of bacteria, fungus, and single-cell organisms on and IN their bodies. You think these walking plague bombs would take two steps and collapse, yes? NO! They've formed a symbiotic relationship with endless numbers of disease-causing agents. There are rumors that in each of their cells lies what was, millions of years ago, a non-human structure that has been hijacked, and now serves as an energy-producing organelle. Even if you manage to kill one, these many organisms will transform the corpse into a hotbed of corruption, which could contaminate a given area for years. Fire is the only answer. Good luck.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 11:11:00 No.14731102 Report

Quoted By:

>>14731083
That rumor is just that, a rumor, an unproven theory.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 11:16:00 No.14731124 Report

Quoted By:

>>14731083

The risks of infection by human symbiotes is highly overrated. A simple solution of sodium hypochlorate is usually sufficient to eliminate all such microorganisms

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 11:18:00 No.14731140 Report

Quoted By: >>14731329

>>14731014

>Is it? I'm so sorry

I'm on a terminal where copy and pasting is a bitch. What seemed to be to be foolish about your statement was the suggested equivalence between possibility and certainty, provided a given sufficiency of possibility.

>Probes to a number of close star systems etc
Sounds like you are gambling that close star systems have planets that can support life. Even given the most favorable presumptions of the Drake equation, that's still a blind shot in the dark.

>WTF are you yammering about light cones you idjit?

It has been suggested by rather pessimistic futurists that interstellar travel is a practical impossibility, thanks to special relativity. So, goes the argument, the odds of us stumbling onto extraterrestrial life before our planet falls into the Sun are astronomically poor.

Of course, this comes from the same minds that brought you the "proof that there is no extrasolar intelligent life: the fact that we are not being bombarded by probes and spacejunk from other planets" back in the 1970s.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 11:20:00 No.14731171 Report

Quoted By: >>14731875

>>14731009
The Bodily Strength of Chimpanzees Glen Finch Journal of Mammalogy, Vol. 24, No. 2 (May, 1943), pp. 224-228

And chimps are only 9-11% stronger by weight. Since big chimp male weighs 160lbs at most and fit human male is over 200lbs. The means the Human is still stronger in total.

And the apes are strong as fuck compared to canines, felines, or equines. Reptiles are fairly strong but build up lactic acid quickly, and can go into shock easier.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 11:21:00 No.14731183 Report

Quoted By: >>14731237

No one ever speaks of how hot Human women are! I mean they must be the hottest in the whole universe! I mean look at them tittays!

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 11:21:00 No.14731191 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729661

Oh god this fag's back
>>14731009

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 11:21:00 No.14731197 Report

Quoted By: >>14731209 >>14731248

>>14730638
>This guy here, I'm posting what I've done so far.

The ship came upon its destination as scheduled on the far end of a peculiarly large solar system along the Orion Arm of the galaxy, residing in a small cluster of other stars. It was a yellow star, not particularly large or small, and around it orbited four terrestrial planets. The ship’s scanners reported that the closest one was devoid of life, it was a rust stained windswept desert.

The pilot marked that it was not suitable for life.

The third planet came into view. The atmosphere was thick, and it on the monitors it looked like a snowball. The scanner picked up that besides the large natural satellite there were many other smaller ones in orbit. The captain gave the go ahead and they descended towards the planet’s gravity well to investigate. As the ship passed through the orbit of the natural satellite visual confirmation of the other satellites were acquired. It was large and seemingly amorphous, but it also had a strangely practical and modular design which was clear indication that it was of an artificial origin. Could have another reconnaissance ship from another power claimed rights to this planet already? What could have put the satellite there?

The ship came to a halt and from the port windows the crew gathered and bore witness to the scene in front of them. The planet’s orbit was littered with hundreds of derelict vessels and automatons. Metals of all shapes and kinds were twisted, fragmented, burnt, or otherwise, floated in front of them.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 11:23:00 No.14731209 Report

Quoted By: >>14731226 >>14731248 >>14735069

>>14731197
The scanners indicated that the large satellite they discovered had a boarding port. The ship approached it, its shields amplified to knock away the debris. The crew looked down at the planet; it appeared as derelict as the vessel they were boarding. The hatch met the one of the derelict and the boarding party began suiting up. The hatches on each side were far from a match and as a result to avoid any of the crew from being spaced they wore vacuum suits as a precaution.

The doors of the derelict opened smoothly from their side, although the initial prying apart the air locks did take some effort. Inside the vessel they saw an insignia that was not recognized, it was a stenciled representation of the vessel they had boarded, and in an emblazoned orange text above it read INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION, although to the boarding party it might have well been ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics. The insignia was on a fabric they could not identify, it had two hollow tubes shooting out of a large central one, with a smaller hole half-way between the two tubes. The sensors discovered that the atmosphere was largely comprised of oxygen and nitrogen, meaning that it was safe for the crew. Their helmets hissed as they disengaged their locks and removed them from their heads. The air was stale; it had a bitter faint taste to it that they could not identify. They moved from the first cabin into the next one, it was cramped for all of them, so they decided to split up. In all honesty the cabins were almost too small for a single one of the boarding party, but at this point it was just an uncomfortable non-concern as they were curious about the station’s origin.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 11:25:00 No.14731226 Report

Quoted By: >>14731248

>>14731209
One of the crew cried out over the frequency, and they all gathered to find the remains of mummified organic life forms huddled together one of the larger cabins of the station. They wore the fabric over their remains, signifying that what they found earlier was a form of clothing; more specifically it was their uniforms. Their uniforms were blue, and all matching and the insignia from before rested on the shoulders of all the corpses. In the hands of one of the smaller bodies was an object they could not quite identify.

The object was scanned and it was revealed to be the remains of a carbon based plant-like organism, it was bound in the hardened skin of a carbon based life form. The sides of the plant material was covered in gold, and the gold ran the full length of the three sides that it was exposed, and it met on two sides of the central spine of the object. One of the crew picked it up and flipped through it, not understanding the characters within. He held the broad side forward to the rest, showing a small golden crossed object on the front.

They gathered some electronic equipment and went back to their ship. Nothing else of value was to be found on the station, they decided to leave the bodies as they were.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 11:26:00 No.14731237 Report

Quoted By:

>>14731183

Deviant.

Now, this female is truly enticing. I would enjoy enwrapping her in my sexual tendrils and inseminating her with my seed package

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 11:27:00 No.14731240 Report

Quoted By: >>14731409

>>14731083

What do you expect? They come from a world so ridiculously optimal for carbon-based organic life that were it not for the sheer astronomical numbers of planets out there, we would find its very existence incalculable. Water-rich, a mid-range star and a strong magnetosphere, a quick day-night cycle allowing for even atmospheric heating.

Some believe such a climate would allow for a sort of utopian biosphere, with heat and light and water enough for all. But the opposite is true. This excess of climatic riches results in a planet literally swarming with life in every conceivable niche. And all of it trying to feed off of other life. The most basic zoological division in their life forms is that between organisms which synthesize solar energy, and organisms which devour or parasitize other organisms. There is no such thing as evolutionary adequacy in such an environment; every organism is in perpetual war against millions of other species for its very existence.

Everything on the yooman planet is in a perpetual state of being devoured alive by millions of other organisms living on and within it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 11:28:00 No.14731248 Report

Quoted By: >>14731295

>>14731197
>>14731209
>>14731226
That's what I've got so far, and I know I'm kind of skimming over this stuff but once I get the guys on earth it'll slow down a lot. Right now I'm just trying to get it there.

Tell me what you think, thoughts and feelings will be taken into consideration as you are all the most elegan/tg/entlemen.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 11:33:00 No.14731269 Report

Quoted By: >>14733584

You know, it's not Humanity vs Aliens, but this reminds me of The Salvation War web books

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheSalvationWar

It's pretty good, and very much Humanity: Fuck Yeah

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO unknown.jpg, 58KiB, 440x604

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 11:38:00 No.14731288 Report

Quoted By: >>14731340 >>14731355 >>14731364 >>14731501

Ok, so in this thread we've figured out humans have:
-Freakishly quick skill development rates
-Extreme endurance
-Dense bone and muscle structure
-A symbiotic relationship with microscopic organisms that make them walking bioweapons

Now, when we put all this together, where do humans fit in with the rest of the universe?

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 11:39:00 No.14731295 Report

Quoted By:

>>14731248
Moar sex

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 11:42:00 No.14731329 Report

Quoted By:

>>14731140
>What seemed to be to be foolish about your statement was the suggested equivalence between possibility and certainty, provided a given sufficiency of possibility.

A probability of 0.99 is fairly close to certainty. Not that anyone knows the exact probability that life exists elsewhere in the universe.

>Sounds like you are gambling that close star systems have planets that can support life. Even given the most favorable presumptions of the Drake equation, that's still a blind shot in the dark.

Of course it's a gamble. The farther away a given system is, the longer we will have to wait for results. I'd love for Alpha Centauri to have life-sustaining planets, but I don't expect it.

>It has been suggested by rather pessimistic futurists that interstellar travel is a practical impossibility, thanks to special relativity.

Are they talking about manned vessels or automated probes? One is a hell of a lot more practical than the other. At sublight speeds, it would take a very, very long time to search other star systems. But it isn't impossible, by any means.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 11:43:00 No.14731340 Report

Quoted By:

>>14731288

We're plague marines.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 11:44:00 No.14731355 Report

Quoted By:

>>14731288
As Gods.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 11:45:00 No.14731364 Report

Quoted By: >>14731411

>>14731288
Intergalactic Porn Stars.

After all, everyone knows what they say about Earthmen...

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 11:54:00 No.14731409 Report

Quoted By:

>>14731240
It's a little worse than that. Most of the plants are mildly toxic, to the point that the herbivores have to put in 10% of they energy they have previously aquiced just to digest the vegetation in several separate sacks full of bacteria to remove acids or bases and selectively absorb and excrete poisons.

Humans can't do that so they have to eat plants that they have bred to be poison free, the few plants that rely on hard shells to protect their seeds instead of toxins, specially prepare the food usually by soaking it and drawing off the toxic juice, or feed on the mostly nontoxic animal life. Plants that do produce edible fruiting bodies usually want them to be eaten, but animal and fungal parasites know this and evolve to live in the fruiting bodies so they can infect the host organisms that eat them.

Then there are parasites that live in larger parasites that are hemophages, so they can be injected into the bodily fluids of larger hosts.

And plenty of sapient species are viviparous all over the galaxy, but the humans have to be different. Instead of carrying young with an attached yoke or fat deposit to keep them safe like plenty of other organisms on their own planet, human embryos are not self supporting organisms. They parasitize the mother organism. They fuse their circulatory system to the host mother's and leech what they need from its blood.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 11:54:00 No.14731411 Report

Quoted By:

>>14731364
They're pretty on a galactic scale?

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 11:54:00 No.14731413 Report

Quoted By:

Humans have the most efficient sweat glands in the animal kingdom. Nobody beats humans when it comes to evaporative cooling.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 12:05:00 No.14731480 Report

Quoted By:

and they are made of...meat
http://baetzler.de/humor/meat_beings.html

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 12:09:00 No.14731489 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729708
>How would you make humanity stand out in a sci-fi setting?

I fear my answer may be a bit too late, but I'll give it anyway: by taking the rest of it with me.

The more evolved races of the universe may mock my lack of intelligence, anatomy, or scientific advancement, but I will ensure that these are used to their maximum effect. None of them can experience spite like I can. None of them can get to where I'll need to go quite like me.

And none of them- NONE of them- can attempt to adapt technology I probably don't understand to create cataclysmic horrors that will consume large portions of space-time, or whatever the hell you want to call it.

Laugh now while you can. The explosion ought to reach your home system in a few million years.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 12:10:00 No.14731501 Report

Quoted By:

>>14731288
You forgot that they can't speak a word of alien, and need translators or whatever.

Humans are like Engrish-speaking porn star commandos, basically.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 12:18:00 No.14731573 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729708
Survivors. Every war, every defeat, they're still there. guerrilla wars and terrorism everywhere, aliens, despite being able to beat us repeatedly, realize that the wars are pointless unless they completely wipe the planets clean, which defeats the whole purpose of fighting us.

Huzzah! Can't kill the cockroach!

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 12:25:00 No.14731642 Report

Quoted By: >>14731688 >>14732143

>Engrish-speaking porn star commandos
This has to exist by now, somebody give the title!

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 12:30:00 No.14731688 Report

Quoted By: >>14731748

>>14731642

Californians.

Someone else. !!Qb2aRW+wCPO

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO unknown.jpg, 70KiB, 210x230

Someone else. !!Qb2aRW+wCPO Wed 27 Apr 2011 12:37:00 No.14731748 Report

Quoted By:

>>14731688

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 13:04:00 No.14731875 Report

Quoted By: >>14732117

>>14731171

Not really up to date either. They are not 5-8x stronger than humans, but due to their muscular structure they are somewhat stronger. They also lack as fine of muscular control as we have, and so use a lot more power than is necessary.

http://www.livescience.com/5370-chimps-stronger-humans.html

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 13:39:00 No.14732117 Report

Quoted By:

>>14731875
They aren't that much stronger than an athletic human at all. The guys used in the 1943 were grade student lab techs. A lot of the guys I knew in grad school were not the most well built guys around.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 13:43:00 No.14732143 Report

Quoted By:

>>14731642
A title you say?

It should involve a pun involving sex, war, and also be misspelled...

Any ideas?

Magus O'Grady

Magus O'Grady Wed 27 Apr 2011 13:47:00 No.14732185 Report

Quoted By: >>14732198 >>14732221

"Shiiit. Man... listen.. listen... woah, listen. Everybody knows about the whole "war on Flornxes" thing, right? Gub'mint don't want nobody having fun with the Great Maker's gifts and all, you know. But, man, listen.....

wha? Oh, right. I took a cushy job working a tramp freighter out on the outer rim. mostly backwater colonies. We had like... like three humans on the boat. They was cool, too. Never said nothin' bout us smokin' Zorch off duty, even burnt a few bowls with us. Said it was real smooth.

Now, we've all heard the ol' rumors and propaganda about what comes out of a human's veins. I didn't put much stock in it, and neither did they. Said it was a joke one of their grunts made that got repeated so man times it turned into a meme.

Anyway, we swing through to deliver some slag ores to a tiny human colony in the ass-end of nowhere. Nice place, not a lot of industry, and everyone seemed real mellow, you know? Well, one of the humans, he comes back from shore leave with a small little bag full of plant clippings. Said it was 'some of the good shit'. Not even processed or nuthin', just straight clippings.

So that night we met in our usual lounge and pulled out the bowls, figured we'd just get buzzed on Zorch and call it a night, right? Fuckin' human stops us, tells us not to break out the powder yet, and fills one bowl with just a pinch of the clippings from that bag. He lit it up and.... everything gets fuzzy after that.

Magus O'Grady

Magus O'Grady Wed 27 Apr 2011 13:48:00 No.14732198 Report

Quoted By: >>14732221

>>14732185

Two weeks later the ship's doc managed to wake me. 'near lethal overdose' he called it. My brain was so flooded with pleasure-hormones that it nearly killed me. Did kill Shorv, Thorp, and Resk'sal. Their brains just shut down. The humans? Barely noticed.

They was working all our shifts while we was out, smoking the 'ganje' they had while they did, though they kept breather-masks on to contain it. To this day, I still get flashbacks, odd hallucinations. And i been clean for three standard cycles, swear on my spawner's carapace.

So don't you believe that shit about drugs comin' out of humans.... It's the shit they put into themselves you gotta look out for.

Magus O'Grady

Magus O'Grady Wed 27 Apr 2011 13:50:00 No.14732221 Report

Quoted By:

>>14732185
>>14732198

>>14729305
>>14729293
>>14729238
I like how humans are becoming the 'Bill Brasky' of the universe...

>>14729295
No. Almost this entire thread has been original content, it's a tried-and-true part of /tg/, it is enjoyed by many, and if you are going to post in a thread just to whine about something rather than being constructive? /tg/ is not the place for you.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 14:49:00 No.14732726 Report

Quoted By: >>14733344 >>14733420

You want to know why none of us can relate to humans? It's not how tall or stocky they are -- plenty of the spht'ree are tall. It's not their absurd oxygenation requirements or their nearly psychotic disregard for self. Plenty of hydrogen-basers respirate odd concentrations and the teragne lose half of every generation during their migrations. No, look at their face.

Every one of the other Alliance races have their eyes placed apart -- an evolutionary advantage their ancestors developed before finally learning agriculture, to watch for predators and other hazards.

Humans have both eyes planted squarely pointing forward. Every last one.

Think about that.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 15:59:00 No.14733344 Report

Quoted By: >>14733393 >>14733444

>>14732726
That is because, dearest non-human being, we only ever need to look forward.

Because everything to our sides and at our back has either been consumed, burnt to the ground or claimed.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 16:04:00 No.14733393 Report

Quoted By:

>>14733344
Don't forget that it also lets us hit stuff easier, including your hot alien babes.

Anonymous

(I know: basic predator evolution)

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 16:07:00 No.14733420 Report

Quoted By:

>>14732726
... DEPTH PERCEPTION?

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 16:09:00 No.14733442 Report

Quoted By:

I was on an alliance drop ship once. The Batarian Planet's defense was too tough to land on. They said they were just going to drop them. I figures some Mass Effect Drop Pods or something the Humans wanted to show off to try and impress us. Twenty of their Human Commando just jump out the airlock with, get this, cloth bags to catch air and buffer their landing! I'm serious! I got a holo-vid of it right here! They even asked me if I wanted to join them! He thought my bones were solid! He just looked at me as if I was some sort of mutant having hollow bones! They're the mutants!

Magus O'Grady

Magus O'Grady Wed 27 Apr 2011 16:09:00 No.14733444 Report

Quoted By: >>14733473 >>14733497 >>14733763

>>14733344
Well, you're descended from a predatory ancestor. Almost all other sentient races evolved from a prey species or trap-feeder, and its sensors are positioned for optimal warning from predators. Yours, on the other hand, are specially positioned to accurately gauge distance and angle for offensive actions.

Hell,your dental structures and digestive tracts tell the tale. despite allegedly being 'omnivores', your meat-eating teeth outnumber your vegetable-processing teeth 5 to 4. And your gastric system is incapable of digesting grains, nuts, and most vegetables, relying on internal symbiotic bacteria to process the but gaining no nutritional value from them. The bulk of a healthy human's appetite is meat or meat-substitute. That unnerves a lot of other races who are used to balanced diets or passive predation on low-tier lifeforms. Everything about your biology suggests you wouldn't be averse to consuming us, and that tends to make us nervous.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 16:10:00 No.14733451 Report

Quoted By: >>14733531

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 16:12:00 No.14733469 Report

Quoted By: >>14733475 >>14733529

"They're made out of meat."

"Meat?"

"Meat. They're made out of meat."

"Meat?"

"There's no doubt about it. We picked several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."

"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars."

"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines."

"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 16:12:00 No.14733473 Report

Quoted By:

>>14733444
Which ties into my point, yes.

But enough of that, we're having roasted squir'mif tonight. Are you still coming over? There will be a non-carnivore dish as well.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 16:12:00 No.14733475 Report

Quoted By: >>14733485 >>14733529

>>14733469

"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"

"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you getting the picture?"

"Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."

"Finally, Yes. They are indeed made out meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."

"So what does the meat have in mind?"

"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the universe, contact other sentients, swap ideas and information. The usual."

"We're supposed to talk to meat?"

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 16:13:00 No.14733485 Report

Quoted By: >>14733529

>>14733475

"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say?" `Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"

"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."

"So we just pretend there's no one home in the universe."

"That's it."

"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you have probed? You're sure they won't remember?"

"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them."

"A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream."

Njera Commando

Njera Commando Wed 27 Apr 2011 16:15:00 No.14733497 Report

Quoted By: >>14733554

>>14733444
There have been rumors, you know. Some Krak were never accounted for.

I never thought they might be true though. I mean, food was scarce, but not that scarce.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 16:18:00 No.14733529 Report

Quoted By:

>>14733485
>>14733475
>>14733469
Joke's on them when we replace all our 'meat' with technology and kill them all for being dicks to us.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 16:18:00 No.14733531 Report

Quoted By:

>>14733451
Humanity, Galactic Tile Grout. A strong analogy, for a strong people.

Magus O'Grady

Magus O'Grady Wed 27 Apr 2011 16:21:00 No.14733554 Report

Quoted By: >>14733640

>>14733497
I don't know, and I don't want to know. Those kinds of worries are way above y pay grade.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 16:25:00 No.14733584 Report

Quoted By:

>>14731269
Satan's horde's advances, we drop Sarin nerve gas on them, they cower in fear, very HFY

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 16:26:00 No.14733590 Report

Quoted By: >>14733607

I also heard that human males have penises that are 3-4 INCHES LONG!

srsly guys these things are starting to sound pathetic.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 16:28:00 No.14733607 Report

Quoted By: >>14733629

>>14733590

Not to nitpick, but I think 5-7 is the average. When people realize this they tend to feel a lot more secure, or confirm what they already knew to be true.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 16:30:00 No.14733629 Report

Quoted By: >>14733654

>>14733607
... that was my point. Fucking dudes wanna feel good about themselves for no reason so they type of HFY threads. Hence an "alien" presenting a "rumor" about humans that is actually understated so they feel good about their average sized cocks.
Now I explained the joke.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 16:32:00 No.14733640 Report

Quoted By:

>>14733554
Pfft..you only worry because you're 1st or 2nd Level consumers. Human appetites have been shown to prefer parts from species at those biomic levels. Anything above apparently is too "tough" or "unpleasant tasting" to them. Then again, they seem to be able to down significant amounts of pure sodiumchloride without any argument. Batshit crazy those things are.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 16:32:00 No.14733642 Report

Quoted By: >>14733664

Anyone here ever read the Worldwar series? Basic premise is that alies invade in WW2, naturally we procede to fight them to a standstill despite their advance tech force them to a truce, then very rapidly adance our tech, the series ends with a human-made FTL starship showing up in orbit around their homeworld

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 16:33:00 No.14733654 Report

Quoted By:

>>14733629
You are girl, crying about nothing like woman. Return to Sweden, where all girls are from. But do not forget your Hijab.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 16:34:00 No.14733664 Report

Quoted By:

>>14733642
>alies
Aliens, my bad

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 16:46:00 No.14733763 Report

Quoted By:

>>14733444
Arboreal is actually the one that gives us forward facing eyes, most predators also have eyes to the sides of their heads, mostly forward facing, but enough to give huge amounts of peripheral vision.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 16:50:00 No.14733790 Report

Quoted By: >>14733796

It was another one of those kind of days, the technician looked across the blinking and chattering panels as he enjoyed his morning meal, a bag of dehydrated larvae from one of the colony worlds. It tasted like shit, but it was high in protein and it kept him focused. It was a whole lot of nothing. He kicked his feet back onto the console and leaned back in his self-purchased leather covered work chair, because let’s face it, why not work in style?
He was beginning to read the morning’s paper when a small blip began to flicker on the radar systems. That couldn’t be right… it was coming from restricted space. He jerked upright and with a large sweep of his arm he cleared his workstation and began to read the terminal’s information with a nervousness that pervaded his senses. This couldn’t be right. He traced its radar signature with other known patterns and fuselage configurations and time and time again he came up blank.
Unless…
He tried again, this time using known alien chassis in his search. A perfect match. Damn. So much for pirates.
He phoned the bridge and told them he had radar confirmation on a known alien designed ship and had it verified with Avionics.
The skipper alerted all hands to battlestation, but since it was merely an observation outpost there was only a single pair of autocannons along the port and starboard flanks of the station, meaning besides the gunnery crew, everyone else was expected to hunker down and grab whatever weapon they could.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 16:50:00 No.14733796 Report

Quoted By: >>14733801 >>14733900

>>14733790
It should also be dually noted that the station was operating with a skeleton crew to monitor pirate operations, not deal with aliens coming out of restricted space.
The technician ran through the narrow straits of the station up to the bridge, only to see the skipper being hailed by the aliens. They were repulsive, pig headed and a grayish blue with two beady sets of eyes and exoskeletal mandibles that housed an array of jagged slew of teeth.
They were fairly polite about the whole situation. They demanded that the station’s defenses be terminated lest they open fire indiscriminately on the entirety of the vessel for the greatest amount of collateral damage. They simply wanted a hostage negotiation to work out better spacing laws for their people.
[Author’s note: It should be noted that these aliens are basically being quarantined by Human governments after a successful war against them, which was instigated by the aliens during an attempt to expand into human space]
The skipper knew the station was outgunned, and with a heavy sigh ordered the gunnery crews to stand down. The aliens had advanced technology, namely shields, which was something that humanity as a whole was severely lacking.
The technician felt helpless, as did the rest of the crew. He was going on leave in less than two weeks and this hostage situation could take months if the aliens decided to take them back into their territory for safer keeping to ensure their side of the bargains are met.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 16:51:00 No.14733801 Report

Quoted By: >>14733809 >>14733812 >>14733900

>>14733796
The vessel docked with the station and the skipper had the crew be there to meet them. He had taken roster to make sure everyone was there so no one would try to do anything stupid. The technician stood with his head hung in the back of the group when the hatch of the alien’s ship unlocked and a pneumonic hiss echoed throughout the docking bay. A narrow walkway descended from it with a pair of aliens standing at the tip of it as it came down. They were short, roughly about four feet average and about three feet across. They couldn’t breathe oxygen and because of this no one could really explain why they had wanted our planets to begin with since they couldn’t live on them without protective gear.
Their helmets veiled their faces but a faint clicking was heard from behind their masks. From a speaker box located on their torso an automated English speaking voice fought to translate their tongue.
They asked the crew to move as a group and take them to the mess hall so they could be sealed inside. They were leaving the crew with the food and in a closed oxygenated environment so the aliens could flush the rest of the station and breathe their own air. Everyone had little choice but to comply.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 16:52:00 No.14733809 Report

Quoted By: >>14733900

>>14733801
The technician lay stretched out across a table in the mess hall, and the remainder of the crew was lounging about as well, talking amongst themselves and what have you. The aliens had boarded the ship a week ago. They had made contact with the station’s superiors and negotiations were underway – but it was talking too long.
The technician hadn’t been home in over two years, besides working on the station he had been out working salvage jobs for other contractors and other odd jobs that kept him away from his home-world. He’d be damned if some aliens kept him from going home.
He rolled off the table and walked over to the skipper to ask him for some help, the skipper knew that the technician was skilled working in zero-gravity and went about trying to find a space suit for him. Something had to be done and they had to make the initiative to get it to happen.
It was now two weeks into negotiations, but the skipper and the rest of the crew had managed to scrounge up a space suit for the technician. The way he would exit the mess hall would be through the men’s restroom after sealing it and disabling the wiring that would trigger the hull breach alarms. Everyone waved him off as he sealed the door behind him and with a swing of a meat tenderizer completely smashed through the reinforced glass with the suit’s exoskeleton’s added strength.
He took a step forward in the vacuum, hearing nothing besides his breath and feeling the vibrations in his feet. He pried the hull open and pulled himself outside of the station and kept his eyes focused on the metal underfoot. Looking out into the void was always unsettling to him.
He tread lightly across the hull until he found external ports for systems operations and pried the side panel off and went to work.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 16:53:00 No.14733812 Report

Quoted By: >>14733900

>>14733801
Inside of the mess hall the crew sat in a silent anxiety as they waited to hear back from the technician. The skipper looked out from the small circular windows on the mess hall doors and looked at the guards standing at attention in their standard battle-gear. They weren’t in their space suits.
Their bluish faces suddenly seized up and one fell over grasping at its throat as its eyes bulged out of its skull, the other following suit. The mess hall, since being put into a closed environment, was outside of the system’s main environmental parameters. The technician had just evacuated the alien’s air completely from the station.
There was a wait, maybe an hour, before anyone in the mess hall heard anything outside of the door. It was an unlocking sound. The technician stood holding one of the alien’s ray-guns with his helmet’s visor flipped up. He told everyone that after he evacuated their air he still had to fight a couple who had managed to get into a space suit before they suffocated.
Everyone was safe, but no one could figure out why the man had risked life and limb to accomplish his seemingly insane tasks. The man sat down and thought about it for a second before responding. The technician simply said he wanted to go home.

Don’t mess with humans when they’re homesick.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 17:05:00 No.14733900 Report

Quoted By:

>>14733812
>>14733809
>>14733801
>>14733796
Pretty good.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 17:06:00 No.14733909 Report

Quoted By: >>14733990

I didn't see this copy-pasta posted.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 17:18:00 No.14733990 Report

Quoted By: >>14734044

>>14733909

Finally, space nazi HFY. I knew it had to exist given how much people bitch about it. It actually kind of pleases me, even if it is rather shitty.

As for the rest of the thread?

Humanity. We're the worst species around, except for any other we're going to encounter.

Fuck yeah.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 17:24:00 No.14734044 Report

Quoted By: >>14734093

>>14733990
Way to break Godwin's Law. Its not really Nazi either, since in the story humanity didn't start anything.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 17:33:00 No.14734093 Report

Quoted By: >>14734186

>>14734044

Eh, shush. It's not like that's not what the vast majority of complaints about HFY boil down to, anyway. "Humanity as a race of jackbooted thugs. It's ultranationalism for basement dwellers."

If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, I'll call it a duck. Fuck your "mallard." :P

And you're right, we didn't start shit in the story. We just acted like total fuckheads and wiped out a civilization when we were far past the point of needing to. Why? Because it made our dicks hard to do so.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 17:47:00 No.14734186 Report

Quoted By: >>14734254

>>14734093
I think it was more out of self defense gone awry. It wasn't that it made our dick hard, but that it united humanity against a common threat.

I imagine in that setting there would be a period of Pax Humana for a while (probably a short while) after the war where Humanity is united in a gigantic galactic empire.

But that's just me.

Magus O'Grady

Magus O'Grady Wed 27 Apr 2011 17:58:00 No.14734254 Report

Quoted By: >>14735087 >>14735114

>>14734186
It's not so much 'self defense' as it is 'turnabout is fair play'. Aliens arrive and, for no reason we can see, announce that they're in charge and that if humanity doesn't comply they'll wipe them out piecemeal. So they've threatened genocide and conquest. I don't know how it works on most planets, but where I'm from, you get what you give. The humans are well within their rights to visit the same punishments upon their aggressors as the aggressors threatened them with. If you invade a people, they are fully justified in invading you back if they're capable of it. Same for genocide, murder, attempted murder, etc. Humans have an old saying ' If someone tries to kill you, you kill them right back.' This is perfectly reasonable behavior.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 18:31:00 No.14734420 Report

Quoted By:

I enjoyed this one, maybe you will too.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO unknown.jpg, 204KiB, 876x1074

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 18:39:00 No.14734450 Report

Quoted By: >>14734467 >>14734977

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 18:42:00 No.14734467 Report

Quoted By:

>>14734450
I love this one because I read the Kirk part in their voices every time and it never, ever gets old.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 20:17:00 No.14734977 Report

Quoted By:

>>14734450
The best.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 20:28:00 No.14735069 Report

Quoted By:

>>14731209

So not getting the story of the alien in the metro?

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 20:30:00 No.14735080 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729207
I dislike it because it makes the entire universe seem idiotic, boring and shitty.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 20:31:00 No.14735087 Report

Quoted By:

>>14734254
>turnabout is fair play
>with genocide
Stay classy, you derping motherfucker.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 20:35:00 No.14735114 Report

Quoted By:

>>14734254
>if someone tries to commit a genocide on you, you can commit genocide on them back

Funny, I don't remember that being part of the Geneva Conventions. Someone should tell Israel that they have carte blanche to nuke Germany.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO unknown.jpg, 85KiB, 800x450

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 20:37:00 No.14735129 Report

Quoted By: >>14735400

Greetings Xeno scum.
I am human, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are alien, slimy, bug eyes who spend every second of their day looking at stupid ass space. You are everything bad in the cosmos. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten any pussy? I mean, I guess it’s fun making fun of humans because of your own race is inferior, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than invading planet on galactic scale.
Don’t be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I’m pretty much perfect. I am captain of the human defence fleet, and starter of first human-alien war. What can you do, other than “laugh at humans"? I also get straight shot’s, and have a brand new plasma rifle (it just blew target dummy; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.
Pic Related: It’s me and my rifle.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 20:44:00 No.14735167 Report

Quoted By:

>have any of you ever gotten any pussy
>Space Marine

Dark Eldar here, I've had more pussy than any legion of your space marines (except the EC)

Anonymous

refuse to bump a shitty thread with shitty writers

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 21:06:00 No.14735272 Report

Quoted By: >>14735297 >>14735370 >>14736173

These threads make me lose what little faith in humanity I have left. All of you are skinhead wannabes with shitty writing skill and worse ideals. You guys can go "fuck yea"-selves or, better yet, improve the human gene pool by removing yourselves from it.

That does fit with your wanking to mass murder and genocide, doesn't it?

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO unknown.jpg, 498KiB, 500x1300

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 21:10:00 No.14735297 Report

Quoted By: >>14735317 >>14736124

>>14735272
BUTTMAD XENO DETECTED!

also here is some epic copypasta.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 21:13:00 No.14735317 Report

Quoted By: >>14735373 >>14735749

>>14735297
The sad thing is that you think this is actually cool.

One day you'll grow up and realize that it is crap

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 21:22:00 No.14735370 Report

Quoted By: >>14735378 >>14735466

>>14735272
>implying you don't mass murder and genocide in your campaigns.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 21:22:00 No.14735373 Report

Quoted By:

>>14735317
lol Y you so mad tho?

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 21:24:00 No.14735378 Report

Quoted By:

>>14735370
>implying implications.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 21:27:00 No.14735400 Report

Quoted By: >>14735416

>>14735129
You are no more human than the aliens you fight, shut the fuck up. Humans don't have 2 hearts or 3 lungs, nor are they 7'2" 780 lbs. of meat. Get out you freak.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 21:29:00 No.14735416 Report

Quoted By:

>>14735400
oldest copypasta in the book...
/facepalm

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 21:30:00 No.14735419 Report

Quoted By:

>break neck
>stevenseagal.jpg
>lolididntevenneedweapons.jpg

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 21:32:00 No.14735433 Report

Quoted By:

>humanity fuck yea
>Spess Mahren
>"did you even get any pussy"
>Mahrens don't get women
>Mahrens aren't even human

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO unknown.jpg, 91KiB, 448x600

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 21:35:00 No.14735449 Report

Quoted By:

Thou xenos jealous of mine perfection?

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 21:39:00 No.14735466 Report

Quoted By:

>>14735370
>Implying that I did
>Implying that I think that it would be admirable if my characters did like you jokers do.
>Implication bargain bin up in this thread.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 22:36:00 No.14735749 Report

Quoted By:

>>14735317
actually that is pretty cool.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 23:40:00 No.14736124 Report

Quoted By: >>14736140

>>14735297
oh wow, someone actually saved my writefaggotry

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 23:43:00 No.14736140 Report

Quoted By: >>14736158

>>14736124
You're a talentless hack with terrible taste in subject matter.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 23:46:00 No.14736158 Report

Quoted By:

>>14736140
This is 4chan, no-one here has talent.
not even me with my first attempt at writefaggotry.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO unknown.jpg, 32KiB, 485x323

Anonymous Wed 27 Apr 2011 23:49:00 No.14736173 Report

Quoted By: >>14736624

>>14735272
Beist thou wrothful? Envious perhaps of mine pride? Mayhaps be that thou art projecting thine insecurities upon others, yae/nay? (yae)

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO unknown.jpg, 80KiB, 600x848

Anonymous Thu 28 Apr 2011 00:49:00 No.14736451 Report

Quoted By: >>14736624

So, you guys know about The Great Filter, right. It's the reason that 90% of intelligent species never make it out of their system.

Their technology gets to a certain level, they work out how to make some of the Big Guns, and end up blowing themselves to kingdom come. We, the unfiltered, managed to avoid that. Too risky, and we're not stupid.
The Humans didn't get caught by the filter, but it was a close-run thing. Their cultures had a policy similar to a lot of the filtered races - You blow us up, and we'll blow you up. Everyone dies.
But unlike the others, they kept their finger just off the trigger. Long enough to make contact and realise that if there are others out there, they'd be better off together with their guns pointed outwards.

Like I say, it ended up alright in the end. But they were THIS close to being filtered.
Just... keep that in mind next time there's border dispute. We don't want another Agadir incident.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 28 Apr 2011 00:51:00 No.14736467 Report

Quoted By: >>14738616

This humanity fuck yeah is fucking shit. You all fail at comparative biology.

Every life-form has willpower and perseveres, is the goal of every life-form to survive. We aren't tougher than many of the animals of the earth, and we aren't specially skillful. The only good point in this thread is that we can outwalk basically anything, also as many primates we have sense of humour.

In a science fiction story i would try to make humans, the species with both sense of humour against the adversity, and stamina, maybe being a nomad species.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 28 Apr 2011 01:10:00 No.14736624 Report

Quoted By: >>14738616

>>14736451
An interesting idea in a HFY wankfest? The end must be near.

>>14736173
HFY still makes no sense and winds up having other races in awe of humanity. (Usually from the get-go. If anything, it's the writers projecting their desire for affection and admiration.

Someone else. !!Qb2aRW+wCPO

Someone else. !!Qb2aRW+wCPO Thu 28 Apr 2011 05:18:00 No.14738616 Report

Quoted By: >>14738977

>>14736467
>>14736624
You're both bad and wrong.
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/14719196/

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 28 Apr 2011 05:41:00 No.14738793 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729538
>tardigrades
This.
Seriously. Humans are fucking weaksauce. They don't live all that long, they're physically frail, they can't stand up to much by way of radiation, they need the temperature to be within a relatively narrow range to survive, they require large amounts of food and water, and only a couple of their critical organs have built-in redundancies (their filtration systems, and to a lesser extent their brains). All in all, it's nothing short of a miracle that they ever developed sentience.

Fortunately, we won't have to worry about them, because they can't even leave their own planet - the costs of the necessary radiation shielding for interplanetary travel are far too high for them.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 28 Apr 2011 06:10:00 No.14738977 Report

Quoted By:

>>14738616
Shit story bro.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 28 Apr 2011 06:10:00 No.14738985 Report

Quoted By:

>>14729966
>>14729873
He's got it more-or-less right, actually.

>>14730024
Random recombination is best on a long-term scale. It ensures high genetic diversity which allows the species as a whole to evolve more quickly in the face of crisis.

Anyway, I'm late to the party with my responses.

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