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Hamlet

RB Fri 29 Apr 2011 11:31:00 No.14748343 View View Reply Original Report

Quoted By:

Act 1, Scene 1. Planet Elsinore, Denmark Waaaugh. Warcamp of Warboss Claudius

Enter Barnardo and Francisco, two boyz

Barnardo: Oy! Who goez dere?
Francisco: It's me you git!

Enter Horatio (a nob) and Marcellus (another boy)

Horatio: Oy you lot! Stand to!
Everyone: OK boss!
Horatio: Why'z you lot afraid like a snotling?
Marcellus: We'z seen a ghost boss!

Enter ghost of old Warboss – Old Warboss Hamlet

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RB Fri 29 Apr 2011 11:32:00 No.14748354 Report

Quoted By:

Act 1, Scene 2
Enter Claudius, Warboss of Denmark Waaaugh, Polonius (a sneaky git and a Kommando nob), Laertes (a Kommando), Hamlet (a boss and secretly a Weirdboy), and others.

Claudius: Oy you lot! Listen up and listen gut! Old warboss iz dead so now I'm da warboss, you gotz that?! Now dem humies over in Norway want to come over and start a fight, so I sez we get lots of boyz and stomp them! Laertes, wot do you want?
Laertes: Warboss, can I take some teef and get new flash dakka from Bad Moons boyz?
Claudius: Polonius, you'z one sneaky git. Do they have new flash dakka?
Polonius: Yes boss!
Claudius: Then go get dem flash dakka Laertes! And you Hamlet! Stop yer mukking about!
Hamlet: OK warboss...

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 29 Apr 2011 11:32:00 No.14748356 Report

Quoted By:

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RB Fri 29 Apr 2011 11:33:00 No.14748361 Report

Quoted By:

Everyone but Hamlet exits

Hamlet: My skin'z all slimy and feelz like it'z gonna melt right off! Dat'z cuz I fink I haz dem Weirdboy powerz, but everyone else finks I'z just another stupid boss! I shoulda been the next warboss, but Claudius iz warboss now. But dat ain't orky cuz he'z too sneaky and he didn't stomp other bosses proper like. Now he haz too much dakka, I'll never stomp him now!

Enter Horatio and Marcellus

Horatio: 'Ello boss Hamlet. We'z seen a deff ghost!
Hamlet: And did youz stomp it?
Horatio: No boss, it was all sneaky-like, maybe you figure sumfink out?
Hamlet: Alright, let's go! Waaaaugh!!!

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RB Fri 29 Apr 2011 11:34:00 No.14748383 Report

Quoted By:

Act 1, Scene 3
Enter Claudius and Laertes
Claudius: Laertes you'z a sneaky git, but not as sneaky as me, and you never dealt with Bad Moons before so you listen to me!
Laertes: OK.
Claudius: Dem boyz have all the teef, and lots of dakka, but they don't have the choppy and stompy, so you'z gotta stomp some of dem good, knock some of all dem teef out, and buy da biggest flashiest deff gun you'z can.
Laertes: Right boss.

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RB Fri 29 Apr 2011 11:36:00 No.14748406 Report

Quoted By:

Act 1, Scene 4
A cold marsh. Enter Hamlet, Horatio, and Marcellus

Hamlet: It's dark and cold 'ere. Dat ghost better show up or I stomp yer lyin' hidez you gits!
Horatio: Look, dere it is!

Enter ghost of Old Warboss Hamlet

Hamlet: Oy! Iz de Old Warboss! Stomp him!
Horatio and Marcellus: No boss! Old Warboss iz too tuff for you!
Hamlet: You cowardly gits! I'z gonna follow him!

Act 1, Scene 5
Enter Hamlet and Ghost of Old Warboss Hamlet

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 29 Apr 2011 11:45:00 No.14748513 Report

Quoted By:

>>Ork hamlet
>>MFW
Keep going, kind anon!

RB Fri 29 Apr 2011 11:48:00 No.14748557 Report

Quoted By:

Act 2 is long, working as fast as I can :)

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 29 Apr 2011 11:50:00 No.14748587 Report

Quoted By:

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 29 Apr 2011 11:51:00 No.14748611 Report

Quoted By:

>>This thread

RB Fri 29 Apr 2011 11:52:00 No.14748624 Report

Quoted By:

Act 2, Scene 2
Enter Claudius, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern (minderz)
Claudius: Dat boss Hamlet, he'z madder than dat mad dokk! He'z so full of mad, he just might be a Weirdboy. Youz boyz you mind dem other Weirdboyz, go to Hamlet and tell me if he'z a Weirdboy or not!
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern: Yes boss!

Rosencrants and Guildenstern exit. Polonius enters.

Polonius: Boss, boss. I fink I figured out why Hamlet'z all weird-like!
Claudius: Out with it git!
Polonius: Dat mad dok Ophelio put some of his mad juice into Hamlet, so mebbe that'z why he's all weird-like!
Claudius: He'z got juice that turns boyz into Weirdboyz? Dat's right orky! I'z gotta be sure though. Go sneak up on Hamlet

RB Fri 29 Apr 2011 11:53:00 No.14748632 Report

Quoted By:

Act 2, Scene 2 cont'd

Enter Hamlet

Polonius: Oy boss Hamlet! Woss you doin'?
Hamlet: Oh, it's Polonius da squig-herder!
Polonius: Me a squig-herder? You'z mad!
Hamlet: Not as mad as dat mad dok Ophelio!
Polonius (aside): He'z still mad dat Ophelio stukk 'im wiv mad juice... (to Hamlet) Wossat yer mukkin' about wiv?
Hamlet: It's a humie book.
Polonius: Wossinit?
Hamlet: Scribbles, scribbles, and more scribbles.
Polonius: Wassit mean?
Hamlet: Iz called Emprah's boyz' book. See? Dey sez we orkz are stunty an' weak!
Polonius: Dey'z humies are dumb and mukkin' about. We'z gonna stomp 'em.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 29 Apr 2011 11:59:00 No.14748718 Report

Quoted By:

This thread: Fuck yeah.

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RB Fri 29 Apr 2011 12:01:00 No.14748743 Report

Quoted By:

Enter Rozencrantz and Guildenstern

Polonius: Oy Hamlet. Dem two boyz you'z remember? Dey'z gonna follow you now!

Exit Polonius:

Hamlet: Wot you boyz want?
Rosencrantz: We heard you were a proper boss, so we'z want to follow you!
Hamlet: You boyz look sneaky, I fink warboss or dat Kommando Polonius put youz up to this! I'll give yer a thump if you don't say wot you want for real!
Guildenstern: Don't hit us boss! Warboss Claudius he sent us to see if you'z all weird-like!
Hamlet: Oh I'm Weird alright like a Wyrdboy!
Rosencrantz: Oy look at dat! Dem boyz are all painted red! Dey'z Kult of Speed! Maybe deyz gonna go fast and crash!

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 29 Apr 2011 12:03:00 No.14748762 Report

Quoted By:

Stupei, Ace Defective !1HOs/D5o7M

Stupei, Ace Defective !1HOs/D5o7M Fri 29 Apr 2011 12:06:00 No.14748801 Report

Quoted By:

OH GOD, CONTINUE

RB Fri 29 Apr 2011 12:07:00 No.14748808 Report

Quoted By:

Enter Kult of Speed boyz

Hamlet: You boyz! You're right flashy and fast! Can you race for me if I give you teef? I do love dem fings going fast and crashing!
Kult of Speed boy: Sure boss, you just pay us!

Exit everyone but Hamlet

Hamlet: Oh I'm such a low snotling! Worse dan a squigherder, mukkin' about in muck! I iz supposed to be a boss, mebbe even da next warboss, but I iz more cowardly than a puny Eldar, and dey break eazy! Even dis 'ere Speed boyz are more orky dan me! Wait, I know wot'z I gotta do! I gotta get dat sneaky Warboss Claudius to go see da Speed boyz, den when he'z not watchin', I'm gonna do him in as sneaky like as he did the Old Warboss in! The race is da fink dat'll expose the unprotected back of da Warboss!

End of Act 2.

RB Fri 29 Apr 2011 12:16:00 No.14748912 Report

Quoted By:

Act 3, Scene 1
Enter Claudius, Ophelio, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, Polonius, a gretchen

Claudius: Oy yer lot! Iz Hamlet mad or not? Iz been dayz and you lot 'aven't told me nuffink!
Rosencrantz: Ya boss, he'z mad as a Wyrdboy!
Polonius: And he sent dis gretchen 'ere to ask to meet with Ophelio. Maybe he needz more mad juice! So Warboss, we'll be all sneaky-like and listen on them!
Claudius: Seems like muckin' about but OK.

Everyone exits, Claudius and Polonius hide in bushes. Enter Hamlet

Hamlet: To chop or not to chop. Iz't more orky to chop from behind like Mork, or chop from in front like Gork? Or should I get a deffgun and dakka my muckin' to def? Oy, all dis Weird finking is very tirin', wish my gobbin' would shut it. All dem other Denmark orkz wiv their Waaaugh drive me mad sumfink awful! Who could stand all dis mukking about, an' stompin', and shootan', and squig-rot? Iz just easier to charge a humie 'ard-boyz an' end it! That would be proper orky! All dis finkin' just gets in da way of a proper Waaaugh and stops it dead! Oy, mad dok!

RB Fri 29 Apr 2011 12:26:00 No.14749013 Report

Quoted By:

Enter Ophelio:

Ophelio: You'z want to see me Hamlet?
Hamlet: Did you'z bring dat mad juice like I ask?
Ophelio: Aye, I brought it, but mebbe you'z shouldn't drink it. You'z didn't use to be all weird.
Hamlet: I'z gotta be mad! Mad enuff to....!
Ophelio: To what?
Hamlet: Errr.... I'z mad! Get yerself to mad doks! Cuz den you'z not gonna give yer juice to da boyz, turnin' dem all weird like me! I never wanted yer juice!
Ophelio: Wot you talkin' about? Of course you did!
Hamlet: Nevah!

Exit Hamlet and Ophelio

Polonius: See? Wot did I tellz you boss? Dat Hamlet's all addled like, worse dan a humie!
Claudius: I'z gonna send him off, to start the Waaaugh early, maybe he'z gonna get himself killed.

RB Fri 29 Apr 2011 12:37:00 No.14749136 Report

Quoted By:

Act 3, Scene 2

Enter Hamlet, Horatio, Kult of Speed boy

Hamlet: No yer git! You'z gotta race that way and be real loud and red! And wave dis 'ere banner, it used to be Old Warboss' banner. Den new Warboss Claudius will dis... dist...
Horatio: Not watch 'iz back?
Hamlet: Yeah! Anyway, you got dis? Yer lot can do dis?
Boy: Yes Boss, we'll race bettah than evah'!
Hamlet: Yer bettah! Yer lot never race the right way when we'z need yer two and crash into our boyz instead of da enemy!

Exit Kult of Speed Boy. Enter everyone else.

Hamlet: Oy, Polonius. Didn't yer used to ride a warbike?
Polonius: Aye, once until I crashed, den all dat shock musta addled me and I figgered out how to be sneaky like a humie doez!
Hamlet: Wotevah!

RB Fri 29 Apr 2011 12:39:00 No.14749156 Report

Quoted By:

Enter racers. Race starts, the racer with Warboss banner crashes just as Hamlet is ready to strike Claudius with his choppa in the back

Claudius: Oy! Datz old Warboss banner! How'z Hamlet had it and gave it to dem Speed boyz? I wontz it before it burns! And Hamlet, you'z gonna tell me where you get it or I'll stomp you proper dis time!

Claudius exits

Guildenstern: Hamlet, da Warboss wontz to seez yer right after he getz da banner!
Hamlet: You'z boyz mind yer bizness!
Rosencrantz: But we'z are minderz, so dats wot we'z doin' boss!
Hamlet: Oy Polonius! See dat trukk wreck?
Polonius: Wot about it?
Hamlet: It looks like a proper squig.
Polonius: Yes boss.
Hamlet: Or like an ambull.
Polonius: Jus' like an ambull I killed once.

RB Fri 29 Apr 2011 12:47:00 No.14749243 Report

Quoted By:

Act 3, Scene 3.
Enter Claudius, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern

Claudius: Dat Hamlet'z mebbe not so mad after all, and he got the old Warboss banner somehow. So I fink you boyz grab him now and take 'im straight to da front!
Guildenstern: You'z da Warboss so you'z know best!

Rosencrantz and Guildensten exit. Enter Polonius.

Polonius: I'z gonna wait for you Warboss in your hut, cuz Hamlet'z comin' dere.

Exit Polonius.

Claudius: Dem Speed boyz got some of their bitz on me, now dey's startin' to smell, just like da Old Warboss Hamlet smell when I'z chopped him good! Dat was a good stompin'!

RB Fri 29 Apr 2011 12:48:00 No.14749260 Report

Quoted By:

Act 3, Scene 4.
Enter Polonius

Polonius: I'z gotta hide, den when Hamlet talks wif da Warboss I can stomp 'im if he does anyfink!

Polonius hides. Enter Hamlet.

Hamlet: Where'z Claudius? He'z not proper orky, he'z afraid of me, afraid I'll stomp 'im! Oy, what's dat noise?! Who's dere!

Hamlet chops down Polonius with this choppa

Hamlet: Oy, dis ain't da Warboss! Dis iz dat sneaky git Polonius. Wotevah, I'm off to Waaaugh!

Exit Hamlet.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Apr 2011 12:53:00 No.14749295 Report

Quoted By: >>14751696

WHAT THE FUCK?! I was thinking of making this exact fucking thread! I was just walking around earlier and suddenly "Oi, poor Snotlik. I knew dat git, Orkacio" popped into my head.

What the hell, man, what the hell...

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Apr 2011 13:06:00 No.14749427 Report

Quoted By:

FUCKING MAGICAL

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Apr 2011 13:18:00 No.14749567 Report

Quoted By:

OP: I am in awe, will you accept my firstborn as a tribute to your godhood?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Apr 2011 16:31:00 No.14751209 Report

Quoted By:

bump

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Apr 2011 18:02:00 No.14751678 Report

Quoted By:

Archived

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Apr 2011 18:05:00 No.14751696 Report

Quoted By:

>>14749295
Thats the Waaagh! energy

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 29 Apr 2011 18:21:00 No.14751760 Report

Quoted By:

>mfw I finally understand what is going on in Hamlet

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Apr 2011 19:14:00 No.14752048 Report

Quoted By:

Epic thread is epic

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RB Fri 29 Apr 2011 21:50:00 No.14752838 Report

Quoted By:

I'm back! The abominably long Act 4 begins!

Act 4, Scene 1
Enter Claudius with Rosencrantz and Guildenstern

Claudius: Wot's all dis ruckus?!
Rosencrantz: Dat Hamlet, he killed Polonius!
Claudius: Wot?! Polonius woz my best Kommando! An' he had da best gun! Go get Hamlet, see wot he done wif Polonius' body and dakka!

Exit all.

Act 4, Scene 2
Enter Hamlet, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern

Hamlet: Wot you lot want?

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RB Fri 29 Apr 2011 21:51:00 No.14752852 Report

Quoted By:

Act 4, Scene 3
Enter Claudius, Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, and Hamlet

Rosencrantz: Boss, boss! Hamlet won't tell us wot he done wif Polonius!
Claudius: You'z going to tell me where Polonius iz you git! Or else I'z not going to send you to Waaaugh! I'll feed you to me squiggoth instead!
Hamlet: Ha! Dat's wot I done to Polonius! I took his teef an' his deff gun and I fed da rest of 'im to da squiggoth!
Claudius: Ha! Dat's da same squiggoth wot I uzed to stomp da Old Warboss! Den I could be Warboss!
Hamlet: You iz a git, worse dan a snotling! You didn't stomp 'im proper, I shoulda been da new Warboss!
Claudius: Iz too late now Hamlet! You lot, take 'im to da Rokk, an' make sure Hamlet smashes good when we drop da Rokk!
Guildenstern: Yes boss!

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RB Fri 29 Apr 2011 21:55:00 No.14752877 Report

Quoted By:

Act 4, Scene 4
Enter General-Militant Fortinbras with Host of Imperial Guard and an Imperial Navy Captain
Fortinbras: Go Captain, from me and scout the Danish Waaaugh. Find us a safer path through greenskin space, so that the foul Chaos zealot may we smite! When we are done with them, shall we return and purge the Greenskin menace!
Captain: I will do 't my lord.

All by Captain exit. Enter Hamlet, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern in a Rokk.

Hamlet: Oy! Look at dis humie lot! Open da hailing frekk... fregg... Jus' lemme talk to dem! Oy, humiez!
Captain: The foul greenskin talks!
Hamlet: Wot yer lot doin' 'ere?
Captain: We are bound by my lord Fortinbras' decree to purge the foul heretics of Poland.
Hamlet: Dem Poland spikey boyz sure are tuff. Iz gonna be good lootin' all dem spikey bitz!
Captain: Nay, we do it not for profit foul xeno, we do 't for our honour, because the Emperor commands!
Hamlet: You'z doin' it for da fightan'?! Dats... Dats biutiful!

RB Fri 29 Apr 2011 22:15:00 No.14752976 Report

Quoted By:

Act 4, Scene 5

Enter Horatio, Claudius, and a Mad Dok

Claudius: Woz goin' on with Ophelio? I need all dat mad juice of his to turn more boyz into Weirdboyz!
Mad Dok: Alas Warboss, Ophelio'z now too mad to brew his speshul juice
Horatio: Iz good though Warboss. Otherwize he'z just gonna make more Weirdboyz wot are more Wyrd like dat Hamlet!
Claudius: Mebbe, I still wontz to see me a mad dok that'z too mad! Ha!

Enter Ophelio:

Claudius: Oy! Ophelio! You'z mad or wot?
Ophelio: (singing) Orks orks orks orks, orks orks orks orks! Green iz best but blu iz bettah!
Claudius: Blu'z not bettah dan green! Green iz best! You'z a mad git!

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RB Fri 29 Apr 2011 22:17:00 No.14752983 Report

Quoted By:

Enter a Boy

Boy: Boss, boss!
Claudius: Wot iz it yer git?!
Boy: Dat Laertes iz back an' he has da biggest deffbeam gun Bad Moonz evah built! An' he'z biggah too on account of stompin' all dem Bad Moon boyz!
Claudius: Oooh dat iz bad newz! Dat Laertes will wanna be Warboss. I'z gotta be all sneaky-like wif him and outwit 'im like Mork would do!

Enter Laertes

Laertes: Oy, Warboss! Look at me new shoota! Iz da beamiest, shootiest, deffiest shootah dat is! I'z could now stomp dat Polonius, den I could stomp you'z!
Claudius: Now you git! Polonius gotz killed and fed to a squiggoth! Dat Hamlet, he did 'im in and now 'e haz Polonius' shootah!
Laertes: Dats ded sneaky! I'z gotta kill Hamlet now! Where'z he?!
Claudius: I sendz 'im off to da Waaaugh, but if 'e doesn't die, den you'z gonna stomp 'im instead!
Laertes: OK boss!

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RB Fri 29 Apr 2011 22:18:00 No.14752990 Report

Quoted By:

Act 4, Scene 6
Enter Horatio, other Boyz

Horatio: Woss goin' on? Why'z da Weirdboyz want ta see me?

Enter a Weirdboy

Weirdboy: Oy! You'z da one dey call Horatio?
Horatio: Yeah! Wot you want?
Weirdboy: Dat Hamlet he'z ded weird! Sends yer a message!
Horatio: Wot he sayz?
Weirdboy: He sez dat dey Rokk got met up wif some of da Freebootah boyz, an' Hamlet he didn't wait on da Rokk, he stompz da Freebootahz instead, an' now he'z comin' back with Freebootahz' dakka to stomp Claudius!
Horatio: Dats good newz!

Exit all.

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RB Fri 29 Apr 2011 22:20:00 No.14753000 Report

Quoted By:

Act 4, Scene 7
Enter Claudius, Laertes and a Weirdboy

Claudius: I hearz you'z got send a Weird-tell by da Hamlet wot'z gone all Weird-like!
Weirdboy: Yeah, he sez 'ez comin' back with loads of Freebootah dakka, an' real soon!

Exit Weirdboy

Claudius: Gork and Mork! Laertes, I hear you stomp dem Bad Moons boyz good!
Laertes: Deyz got teef and shootin', but dey don't haff da stompy and choppy!
Claudius: So Hamlet, he'z gonna fink dat you'z right shooty, but not stompy. So get him to fightz you wif da choppah and den you stomp 'im!
Laertes: Dat's right and proper sneaky boss!

Enter a Mad Dok

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Apr 2011 22:20:00 No.14753002 Report

Quoted By: >>14753020

>Now'z yer just muckin' about Hamlet.

The whole play in a nutshell.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Apr 2011 22:26:00 No.14753019 Report

Quoted By:

this thread is perfect.

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RB Fri 29 Apr 2011 22:26:00 No.14753020 Report

Quoted By: >>14753117 >>14753364

>>14753002
Hehe, I've been teaching Hamlet for a couple of years now, and that's been generally my feeling about the play the whole time. :)

Anyhow, I gotta go to work, when I return, I shall post Act 5! In the meantime Vostroyan tits!

P.S. The good thing about Orky Hamlet is that Orks don't care for proper iambic pentameter, so only Imperials need to speak in iambic pentameter! Yay!

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Apr 2011 22:38:00 No.14753099 Report

Quoted By: >>14753128 >>14753144

It's not bad, needs a musical number though. Anyone got the orky version of Be Prepared somewhere?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Apr 2011 22:38:00 No.14753105 Report

Quoted By:

Sir, you have EARNED this bump.

My hat is off to you.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Apr 2011 22:40:00 No.14753117 Report

Quoted By: >>14753144

>>14753020
>so only Imperials need to speak in iambic pentameter! Yay!
Hmm
>o Captain, from me and scout the Danish Waaaugh. Find us a safer path through greenskin space, so that the foul Chaos zealot may we smite! When we are done with them, shall we return and purge the Greenskin menace!
Is that really the yambic pentameter?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Apr 2011 22:42:00 No.14753128 Report

Quoted By:

>>14753099
I do, but it'll probably be posted 3 times in the time it would take me to dig it up. I should've labelled it...

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RB Fri 29 Apr 2011 22:44:00 No.14753144 Report

Quoted By:

>>14753117
Eh, I tried to at least keep the staggered symmetry intact, in terms of line division it's more of a iambic hexameter I guess (suck it Philip Sidney!).

>>14753099
Well Ophelio was supposed to sing the orky soccer chant (from Dawn of War). I guess it didn't come through. In the meantime enjoy this Commissar rendition of Gilbert & Sullivan!

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Apr 2011 23:15:00 No.14753312 Report

Quoted By:

Bravissimo!
I cannot wait for the end of all this mukkin and cunnin!

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Apr 2011 23:19:00 No.14753327 Report

Quoted By:

Utterly Brilliant.

Someone has archived this, yes?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 29 Apr 2011 23:20:00 No.14753338 Report

Quoted By:

NEVER BEFORE HAS THERE BEEN A THREAD MORE WORTHY OF ARCHIVING!

Storm Petrel !HQmqe0QeaQ

Storm Petrel !HQmqe0QeaQ Fri 29 Apr 2011 23:26:00 No.14753364 Report

Quoted By:

>>14753020

P-p-professor Preiss?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Apr 2011 00:36:00 No.14753938 Report

Quoted By:

I cant wait to read tis entire thread when I get home hopefully it survives over night

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Apr 2011 01:45:00 No.14754396 Report

Quoted By:

rolled 3 = 3bumpan and rollan

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 30 Apr 2011 02:02:00 No.14754518 Report

Quoted By:

the emperor approves of this thread

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Apr 2011 02:58:00 No.14754979 Report

Quoted By:

Bump for Act 5

RB Sat 30 Apr 2011 03:27:00 No.14755200 Report

Quoted By:

Deares/tg/entlemen, I give you the finale of "Da Tragedy of Hamlet, boss of Denmark" by Shake-da-boss-pole.

Act 5, Scene 1
Enter Gravedigger (A Grot) and Another Grot

Gravedigger: Wotz I gotta dig dis grave for? Squigs ain’t left much of dis git ta bury!
Grot: Yea, but if you’z don’t bury him propa, den his skull won’t be all nice and shiny like for Warboss’ pole!
Gravedigger: But did da Warboss kill dis git himself? No, so iz not proper dat ‘e gets his skull.
Grot: Go to, go to, he’s da Warboss so ‘e knowz best, an’ you’z just a grot like da rest o’us.
Gravedigger: Not like da rest of youz, I’z more special!
Grot: How do yer figger?
Gravedigger: Well look at dem feral orkz. Dey gotz no Mad Doks, or Mek Boyz, or any o’dat mukkin’ about, right?
Grot: Yeah.
Gravedigger: But dey needz dem skullz all nice and shiny for da boss pole jus’ like da proper boyz! So dat mean I’z like the one of da oldes’ and cunnies’ grots dat ever wuz!

RB Sat 30 Apr 2011 03:28:00 No.14755210 Report

Quoted By:

Exit Grot. Enter Hamlet and Horatio.

Hamlet: Lookit dem skulls Horatio! Dey’ll look all shiny on me boss pole when I haz it! But iz so hard tellin’ dem apart. Dat one could be an ‘ard boy.
Horatio: Yeah, I s’pose.
Hamlet: An’ dat one wif its eye hole all weird, dat one could be a Mek Boy. Where’z yer mek fings an’ red lights an’ mek cutterz now? An’ dis one could be a Runtherder! Where’z yer grotz an’ whipz and squigz? I’z gonna talk to dis grot wif all dem skullz.
Gravedigger: ‘Ello boss! Come to look at da skullz?
Hamlet: Whoz skullz are these?
Gravedigger: Mine boss!
Hamlet: You’z just da grot!
Gravedigger: But I digz dem out!
Hamlet: An’ now I takez it!

Hamlet picks up a skull

RB Sat 30 Apr 2011 03:28:00 No.14755221 Report

Quoted By:

Hamlet: Dis skull’z all weird!
Gravedigger: Dat’z cuz it’z Yorick’s da Weirdboy!
Hamlet: Oy poor Yorick! I knew him Horatio! He wuz a grot of infinite madness, an’ his powerz were greener than most! Where be yer Psychic Vomit now? Where be yer Big Hat? Yer bright ragz? No minderz to throw you into da enemy? Oy, Horatio!
Horatio: Yeah boss?
Hamlet: Yorick’s skull, lookz jus’ like other skulls.
Horatio: Yeah, so?
Hamlet: So all dese other skullz could be other big bosses, and now dey’z just skulls and squig-fodder. Lookit, dis could be Urgork the Unstoppable, an’ dat could be Ghazghkull hisself!
Horatio: Aye, dey could be.
Hamlet: An’ now dey’z all stomped and squig-fodder. Dere skullz not e’en worthy for da boss stick… Oy, who’z dere!

RB Sat 30 Apr 2011 03:29:00 No.14755225 Report

Quoted By:

Enter Claudius, Laertes, a Mad Dok, and boyz carrying the corpse of Ophelio

Claudius: Hamlet you grot! You’z back already?!
Hamlet: Yeah, an’ I’z full o’ Waaaugh!
Laertes: I hear you’z stomped Polonius an’ he was a cunnin’ old nob, but I’z biggah and strongah now, so I’z gonna stomp you!
Claudius: We’z gonna do it proper orky, in arena, so’s all da boyz an’ Gork an’ Mork can watch!
Hamlet: Izn’t dat Ophelio wot made da most excellent mad juice?
Claudius: Yeah, it’z ‘im alright!
Hamlet: Ophelio you mad fungus-fer-brainz. I loved yer mad juice almost as much as shootin’ an’ stompin’! Alright, dat’s it! I’z gonna prove to youz I don’t need no mad juice to beat youz! Tomorrow we’z gonna have us a proper fight in da arena!

Exit all.

RB Sat 30 Apr 2011 03:59:00 No.14755520 Report

Quoted By:

Act 5, Scene 2.
Enter Hamlet and Horatio.

Hamlet: … and den I took da Freebotah’s kaptin’s hat.
Horatio: Wot about dem other gits… Rosencrantz and Guildenstern?
Hamlet: Dey’z thought they were cunnin’, but I’m da cunniengest of all da orks! Dey were goin’ to crash da rokk wif me on ‘t, but dem not on ‘t.
Horatio: What’d do den boss?
Hamlet: Well I ripped and chopped some wirez an’ such an’ messed up their Warphead boy, so now’z dey gonna crash or fly around forevah or sumfink.
Horatio: Dats right cunnin’ boss!

RB Sat 30 Apr 2011 03:59:00 No.14755522 Report

Quoted By:

Enter Osric, a flashgit nob

Osric: Oy, you’z Hamlet wotz back?
Hamlet: Yeah. Horatio, you’z know dis grot?
Horatio: No boss.
Hamlet: Oh he’z got lotz of teef an’ lotz of dakka, but I en’t e’er seen him do propah stompin’! Dere’z too many grotz like ‘im in dis ‘ere Waaaugh!
Osric: Laertes, ‘e datz da biggest mega-nob around, who stomped all dem Bad Moons boyz, an’ da humies, an’ da other spikier humies, he sez he’z gonna stomp you’z next! An’ Warboss sez dat whoever winz, ‘e’z gonna get the fastest trukk da Mekboyz ‘ave!
Hamlet: Laertes maybe stomped Bad Moons boyz, but dey’z weak and bring the shooty, but not da stompy. I’z bigger dan dat grot Laertes an’ ‘e’z gonna know it!
Osric: Den ‘urry up!

RB Sat 30 Apr 2011 04:16:00 No.14755668 Report

Quoted By:

Exit Osric

Horatio: Dat Laertes, he’s proper deadly, mebbe yer should wait boss? Do him in with cunnin’ brutin’ like?
Hamlet: No you git! If I stomp ‘im proper, all da other boyz will see who’z da real warboss, den da Waaaugh will be mine! I’ve been muckin’ about long enuff! Can’t muck around more dan dat! Now’s da time for stompin’!

Enter Claudius, Laertes, Osric, all da boyz and da nobz, killa-kans, and a Squiggoth.

Claudius: Oy you two! We’z gonna have a proper fight today, no muckin’ about or foolishness!
Hamlet: I’ve heardz about you Laertes. Dey sez you stomped Bad Moonz boyz first, well Hamlet killed da dread Freebootah kaptin, and Polonius wot waz da sneakiest nob of all, an’ loads of other boyz! And now I’m da biggest an’ greenest and I got me Polonius’ shootah too an’ I’z gonna scrag you too!
Laertes: Not if I do youz in first!

RB Sat 30 Apr 2011 04:17:00 No.14755681 Report

Quoted By:

Hamlet and Laertes don armor and select choppas

Claudius: (aside to Laertes), when you’z get da chance, you’z push Hamlet o’er in dat corner, an’ I haz my Squiggoth stomp ‘im like! Jus’ like it stomped da Old Warboss Hamlet!
Laertes: Datz not proper like, but I love me da sound when a squiggoth squishes a git!
Claudius: Get dis fight started!

Hamlet and Laertes go at each other with choppas

Hamlet: I gut you’z good!
Laertes: I might be hit, but I’z still in da fight!

Claudius: Oy, you’z boyz look hungry! Letz get some squig in ya!
Hamlet: I’z not hungry. I’z only hungry for Laertes’ skull!
Horatio: Can I eatz yer squig den boss?
Hamlet: Yeah, ok.

RB Sat 30 Apr 2011 04:25:00 No.14755749 Report

Quoted By:

Horatio eats the squig, not aware that it was poisoned. Hamlet and Laertes fight again. Laertes pushes Hamlet towards the Squiggoth, but as the Squiggoth stops Hamlet, he shoots it with his deffun, causing the Squiggoth to rampage and stomp Laertes too.

Laertes: Argh! Da squiggoth stompz me too! Dis hurtz worse dan Mad Dok medicine! Da squiggoth wuz supposed to stomp only youz Hamlet!
Hamlet: Datz not proper arena fightan’, but I knew you’z an’ Claudius are sneaky gitz! Now that you’z dead an’ I’m still crawlin’ I’z gonna kill Claudius too!
Laertes: Do ‘t! If ‘e wuz proper orky and not used da Squiggoth I’d still be alive! Stomp da king Hamlet!

Hamlet climbs the Squiggoth despite his broken armor and extreme injuries.

RB Sat 30 Apr 2011 04:26:00 No.14755756 Report

Quoted By:

Hamlet: ‘Ere we go! I’z gonna smash yer cunnin’ sneaky hide ya git! ‘Ere we go!

Hamlet goads the Squiggoth to crush Claudius to death. Laertes dies too.

Hamlet: I’z not feel so good Horatio.
Horatio: I’z not feel so good either boss. I fink it might’ve been sumfink I ate.
Hamlet: Dat squig, wuz poisoned by Claudius mebbe.
Horatio: It’z getting’ dark boss, I’z feel tired. Good night boss!
Hamlet: I’z not a boss no more Laertes! I’z da… Warboss… now…

Horatio dies

Hamlet: Oy! Wotz dat thunder noise?! Dat sounds like humie dakka!
Osric: Dat humie Fortinbras came back from stompin’ Chaos boyz an’ he has loads of dakka, more dakka dan e’en we do!
Hamlet: I… could’ve… stomped ‘im… too… maybe…

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 30 Apr 2011 04:28:00 No.14755780 Report

Quoted By:

Zog me.... dat wuz bootiful

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