>>79848Bah I ignored something when i gave directions. Okay here's what you do:
Call up the nearest building on the list from that link. Set up an appointment on the assumption that the flight is leaving within a few days (protip: don't do this if your flight is in a few months and you just feel like gaming the system).
The recording will tell you to take stuff like birth certificates, etc... (I forgot the exact stuff. It's more stringent than a simple renewal under normal circumstances, but it's not as though they ask for a witness to your birth or anything).
When you set up the appointment, you'll probably just be given a date and a time window. For me it was 7-10 AM or something like that. I went at 6:40 and there was a small crowd of people. Not enough to make a big deal, but I definitely had to wait to get seen.
At the teller's window he'll ask for all the documents you were told to bring. Give them to him and give him money (check beforehand to see if they take credit card or check or what), and pay the guy. He should give you a receipt and tell you to come back that afternoon for the passport.
As for gaming the system... You're only supposed to do this thing if your plane is leaving in like 48 hours, they say, but that leaves a window for people leaving between 3 days and 2 weeks where there's literally no system that explicitly takes you. Obviously this was an oversight, and the people typically understand that. I showed them my ticket, which was leaving in like a week and a half, and they allowed me through, but I think they would have told me to get lost if I had tried to do it with a few months advance notice.
It's also important to stress that you'll need your ticket. They need to know that this is an emergency.